Correcting The Unfairness Of Holidays

Living in West Virginia for a year did some damage, it's true. For one thing, it was such an awful place to live (& really, I just lived in Huntington, so I will freely admit that I can't say anything about any other town in West Virginia except I'm certain it's probably better) that it makes every other place look wonderful by comparison. I mean, after living in Huntington for about ten months, I visited Dallas & thought to myself, "I'd prefer living here." Dallas. Dallas, Texas. How awful must a town be to make Dallas look attractive?

One thing that happened around this time last year - & one of the neighbors scolded me for this lack of knowledge, as I didn't read the paper or watch the news - is that the town simply rescheduled Halloween. Halloween, you may recall, fell on a Saturday last year - a perfectly respectful day of the week for a perfectly respectable holiday. But the Thursday before, kids knocked on our doors tricking & treating. Why? Because the city decided Thursday was a better day for Halloween. Thursday!

I did wait for the rogue child, possessed of independent thought & an anarchic spirit, to come on Saturday, but no luck. I suppose they knew the rest of the city had given all its candy away on Thursday. Thursday! The kids had to sit at home on Saturday knowing full well the entire rest of the country was out trick-or-treating that night. Absurd.

It was burned into my Texan brain that that must be the case in Lexington, too. After all, it's just a hundred miles to the west. Of course, it's also two decades into the future here - so I was fooled. Someone told me - I don't remember who - or even if it were some delusion fostered by a thought-stunting year in the backwards world of Huntington - that Halloween would be on Saturday in Lexington.

The wife & I took the dogs for a late walk last night & I made her bring candy along with us to give to the trick-or-treaters I knew we'd meet out & about.

Of course there were none. Halloween is tomorrow. Lexington exists in the real world. I need to get used to that.

My Unhappy Is Your Zombie

I can't go to the Jon Stewart rally this weekend, which makes me sad. It's because of my dumb animals, who are my best friends & who I love more than anything. But still. Seriously, dudes?

I'm still not going to do a show this weekend. I'm going to watch the rally on television. So there.

I did do a show yesterday - subbing for two nice people named Katie & Travis - all about zombies. A nice caller asked me to put it online so I have. It's here: at the top of the page. That means, by the way, that you have three Self Help Radio shows for your Halloween pleasure, if you'd like: the aforementioned show about zombies, & the show I did Tuesday about haunted houses & last year's show about werewolves. What a punishment of screams!

I need to go sulk now.

I Think This Blog Is Haunted

Boo!

Be wary, intrepid traveler, for Self Help Radio today emanated eerily from a haunted radio station, with many songs about haunted houses & not a single song about a haunted apartment or condominium. Really, not even one about a haunted hotel room or a haunted spare bedroom in the back with access only to a bathroom, no shower. Ghosts & other malevolent spirits need their space, I guess.

Also: boo!

Here's a trick: the show, which aired this morning, is available for listening now at any time at self help radio dot net . Here's a treat: you can download the songs from the show in mp3 form by clicking here to get the zip file . Over ninety minutes of fright, featuring some things you didn't hear on the show! Get them now! They're only available until the morning of November 1!

Did I mention: boo!

Would you prefer a show about werewolves? That's so last year - but you can listen to that show to right over here.

Thanks for listening & have a happy Halloween!

Especially Self-Conscious In My Dreams

It seems. I had a dream where, when I stepped onto a bridge, it slowly, as if made of elastic, dipped into the water. What do you do when your own dreams call you fatty?

You soldier on. For example, early tomorrow morning you'll get to hear Self Help Radio's Halloween 2010 show, which is about haunted houses. If you perhaps become a "fan" or "like" (whatever the case is) Self Help Radio on Facebook, you might be able to get haunted house music to play yourself. Or maybe you can just look at the page - it's located right here & if it's not a trick & truly a treat, it'll last until Halloween.

They like Halloween around here. I may have to walk through several graveyards to get to the station tonight. I hope it's not too ghoulish.

So if you can listen tomorrow, it's on 88.1 fm WRFL too early in the morning (4:30 am in fact) on the radio & online. Or I'll have the show up at the Self Help Radio website some time tomorrow. In time for Halloween!

Whither Haunted Houses?

Every Halloween Self Help Radio does some sort of Halloween show. I can't help it. I started out thinking I could do "general" holiday shows, you know, with a song about a ghost then a song about a vampire then a song about a zombie, but I started thinking, you know, Self Help Radio specializes in specific themes. The only holiday that I somewhat celebrate with a more or less general theme is Christmas, & that's because it would just be weird to do an entire show about mistletoe (for example).

So, my first Self Help Radio Halloween was of the generalest kind. The next year (Halloween 2003) was about ghosts. Morrissey was supposed to come to town around Halloween 2004, so I preempted my Halloween show for a Smiths show, but, terrifying as it was, he cancelled the concert. My 2005 show was about vampires, my 2006 show was about monsters, my 2007 show was about zombies, my 2008 show was about witches, & last year's show was about werewolves. It may seem as though I am exhausting all the major characters in the Halloween storybook, but it's not true! This year's show is about haunted houses. Ha ha! Didn't see that coming, did you? Ha ha!

Except, you know, in the title of this entry.

By far one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened to me happened in a homemade "haunted house" in my childhood. I even once wrote a short story about it. Hey! Maybe I can find it & put it here tomorrow! Except I'll edit it for length. Possibly even make sure it's at least readable. Many of my old short stories fail the "readability" test. & not because I wrote them in my completely made-up language called Garyrag. I only translate great books into that language.

"Haunted house" in Garyrag is "griffdo eeks." Just in case you were wondering.