Self Help Radio 051118: Natural Radio

(Self Help Radio logo by Suloni Robertson; sticker from here.)

Yes, finally!  One hundred percent natural radio!  No additives, no chemicals, no weird hormones, no strange preservatives, nothing but radio, except, of course, it's not on the radio at all, it's more pretending to be radio in a podcast-y kind of way, & that's it, isn't it?  The only way in this modern media landscape for radio to be natural is for it not to be on the radio.  & so this week's episode delivers!

Listen to it now or whenever you want at the Self Help Radio website.  It's one giant file, almost two hours long, & everything that's in the show is listed below.  Oh yeah: pay attention, you'll be asked for a username & a password.  Those are "SHR" & "selfhelp" respectively.

Hope you enjoy!  As Wilford Brimley might say, "It's the natural thing to do."

"Natural" The Pale Fountains _Pacific Street_
"Natural" Leon Gardner _Keb Darge's Legendary Deep Funk, Vol. 2_
"Natural" Arrested Development _The Best Of Arrested Development_

show introduction with the Definition-Tron 4000

"Natural Life" Cool Ghouls _Cool Ghouls_
"Natural High" Mike Wallace _Mixed Up Minds Part Five: Obscure Rock & Pop From The British Isles 1970-1974_
"Natural" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Natural's Not In It" Gang Of Four _Entertainment!_
"Natural Man" The Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_

interview with naturist David Fruchter

"Natural Woman" Katie Stelmanis _Join Us_
"Natural Guy" Louis Prima & Keely Smith _The Capitol Recordings_
"Act Naturally" The Beatles _Help!_
"Let It Come Naturally" Wilson Pickett _Funky Midnight Mover: The Atlantic Studio Recordings (1962-1978)_
"Alone Again (Naturally)" Squirrels _Scrapin' For Hits_

Gary (a different Gary) calls the Self Help Radio Self Help Line

"I'm A Natural Born Gamblin' Man" Merle Travis _Sixteen Tons_
"Natural Born Lover" Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings _Naturally_
"Mr. Natural" Mental As Anything _Essential As Anything_
"The Natural" Nord Express _Nord Express_
"Natural Kind Of Joy" That Petrol Emotion _Manic Pop Thrill_

Old Man Dickenbock interrupts!

"The Natural Girl For Me" The Chad Mitchell Trio _The Best Of Chad Mitchell Trio: The Mercury Years_
"It's A Natural Fact" Billy Childish & Holly Golightly _In Blood_
"Natural Resources" Utah Phillips & Ani DiFranco _The Past Didn't Go Anywhere_
"Natural History" Desperate Bicycles _Another Commercial Venture_
"Natural High" Bloodstone _Soul Hits Of The '70s: Didn't It Blow Your Mind? Vol. 11_

last airbreak with only a few tears

"Natural Natural Ditty" The Jewels _B-Bomb Baby_
"Natural Soul Brother" Danny White _New Orleans Funk (New Orleans: The Original Sound Of Funk 1960-75)_
"(What's Under) The Natural Do" John Kasandra _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1968-1971_
"So Natural" Gold-Bears _Are You Falling In Love?_
"Be Natural" Martin Creed _Love To You_

show post mortem

Whither Natural Radio?

(This image, from here, is from a "natural burial" website.  Use your imagination!)

What the hell is "natural radio"?  You might think field recordings, or perhaps a remote from a pleasing camp site during this lovely green spring.  But nope!  It's just a show where every song somehow invokes the word "natural."

By the way, it won't use the word "supernatural."  It almost did, but then I thought, oh fuck, that would be a pretty good Halloween theme.  You must know I am running out of Halloween themes.  Eventually it will just be me making "booooo" sounds with some cheap wind sound effects for two hours.  Soon.  But not so soon!

So this week, tomorrow at noon, you'll find out what natural radio is.  It's nothing special, it's the same old horse hockey I've done since this show began.  But there are some great tunes.  So I hope you'll listen!

Preface To Natural Radio: Last Minute Shopping

One thing I have always disliked is when one becomes familiar with people who work at a place that one visits regularly.  My sister Pat used to eat it up.  If I went shopping with her, if I were home from college, we'd go to her neighborhood Minyards, & she knew everyone & introduced me to them.  I hated it.  I wanted to buy shit & get out.

When "pay at the pump" was introduced, that was the coolest thing for me.  I remember stopping at a gas station that was closed late one night on my way to or from Austin & just buying gas.  That was cool.  Of course I do that a Costco now but there's a person paid to walk around & say hello to you.  I fucking hate that.  & of course there are "regulars" who talk to that person.

& yeah yeah I'd use self-checkout if I could everywhere I go.

This is a true story: when we first moved to Huntington, which is a small town, I ordered pizza twice from a place.  The second time, the person who answered the phone recognized me & recognized the same order.  I never went back there again.  (This is not entirely about my point - I became vegan in the fall so didn't order pizza anymore.)  (But my wife still brings this up.)

It's like I find it tacky when people want to be friendly like that.  It drives me nuts.

But here's the thing: I don't really like online shopping.  I don't do Amazon because it's a giant monolith that's destroying what's left of offline commerce that Wal-Mart didn't decimate.  But I guess I prefer it to being around actual people.

Having said that, at Sprouts this week, one of the regular cashiers called me "sir" & I told her she could call me Gary.  She said she didn't know, & I said yeah, people like me didn't get to walk around with nametags on.  Though I wish we could!

Well Yeah This Morning

This morning I did tolerably better on the Tuesday Morning Blend for the KNON Pledge Drive.  I actually more than doubled last week's take but, you know, it's not much when I didn't make very much last week.  These are the names of the folks who pledged: Anne, Shelby, Connie, Baron, & Chris.  There have been only five of them.  I remember them all.  Oh, wait.  My wife pledged too.  That was kind of her.  She looks at me with very sad eyes.

Next week I'll do one more, I'm going to do a show about superheroes, someone suggested it, I wrote that person's name down, I'll do a shout-out.  I have to admit I have no idea how to raise money, I'm terrible at it, I wish I were better, such is life.  At some point someone is going to realize they'd be better off putting someone else on the air at that time & I will go quietly.

If you did donate online, here, for example, I won't know about it for a while.  It goes through some Byzantine process to find its way to the final total.  Anyway.  At this point, it doesn't really matter.  I am nowhere near my goal nor will I reach it.  Such are vagaries of radio fund raising.

Wow, this is so damaging to my self-esteem!

Going Back In

Last week, you may recall, I discussed raising money for KNON on the first day of the station's Spring Pledge Drive. I was not sanguine about it, & it turned out it was quite hopeless indeed: I did not do well.

Tomorrow it happens all over again!  Since it's National Teacher Appreciation Day tomorrow (& the whole week is National Teacher Appreciation Week), I thought I'd do a show entirely about teachers & school.  Because, of course, teachers in our society have so much money & they can donate to community radio stations without it affecting their budgets at all.

Yep, I'm fucked.