Preface To Surprise: Surprise! I Have Nothing To Say

Tonight I take a break between movies & whiskey to announce that surprise! this blog has nothing of interest to say.

What?!?  You're actually surprised?  Of course not.

We went out today to shop & do other errands & I learned that I am very uncomfortable wearing surgical gloves & I fucking hate wearing a mask.  It may seem a stretch to say I'm very glad I never chose the medical field as a profession because, quite frankly, I never even considered it, but boy am I glad that wasn't a road I travelled down.

Implicit disclaimer: the people who chose that road are fucking heroes & I shouldn't even have to say that but I suppose I should in case someone gets the wrong idea.  Seriously, just because this dumb guy who does radio shows is glad he isn't a physician's assistant, he should worry about offending people who fucking risk their lives every day to keep us safe?  Okay, yeah.  That makes sense.

We went outside with our dogs tonight & it was eerily silent, on a Saturday.  Fuck you, coronacovid-19 virus!  We don't want you, we don't invite you, go fuck some other species up.  We're onto you.

Oh wait.  Stupid people all over are ignoring common-sense warnings.  Yeah, I know.  I know.  I'm just too weary to comment.  Hey.  More radio show nonsense tomorrow.  Yay.

The Socket For The Power Plug Has Become Adrift

People are writing all over the internet about missing socializing, their friends, going out, & etc.  I mostly miss the weird routine I had - I miss waking up in the middle of the night to drive to a radio station to do radio for the few people up at that hour who happen to be listening to the radio.  There are quite a few people up at that hour in Portland who are not listening to the radio, & I should know: I see them on my drive to the radio stations.  Such people aren't exactly the houseless, although there are quite a few of them.  The ones who don't have tents - & I assume at night when I drive by one of the many tents that line the streets of Portland there are people in them - but who appear houseless tend to be sitting alone, or walking from place to place carrying bags full of recycling.  But I see people - this would include people around 1:15 or so, which is when I would leave for XRAY on Tuesday mornings; people around 5:15 or so, which is when I would leave to go to Freeform on Monday mornings; people around 2:30 or so, which is when I would leave to go to KBOO on Thursday mornings; & of course any of the myriad times of night I might be subbing a show at Freeform or KBOO - I see people out walking, exercising, getting home from somewhere, sometimes accompanied by a companion or a dog, often quite determined as it's dark & possibly dangerous.  I've also seen deer, cats, & one time a family or raccoons.  & more than once I've seen coyotes, which initially I mistook for dogs.  I drove past too many stray or lost dogs in Texas, I now try to stop to see if they'll come to me, but coyotes look very, very different from dogs when you're up close.  Anyway, I know the coyotes & the houseless & the people out for whatever reason so very early in the morning are not going to be listening to the radio.  It's funny, I went out the other night & though it was only twilight, it felt like driving around at 3am.  & it made me miss driving around at 3am.  I have a friend who lived in Portland in the mid-90s & he told me he was mugged here.  I am not cavalier about my surroundings but I don't feel unsafe here, although often when I leave one of the radio stations at night, I do sometimes wonder how fast I could get back into the building if I sensed some danger.  & I've never been mugged, not just in Portland.  I miss that most of all, I guess I miss the routine I had that included radio, & I'm not sure how different or otherwise changed it will be when or if things return to normal.  I've taken to staying up late instead of going to sleep early to wake early.  In that sense, this staying up late, reminds me of summer vacation in grade school, although I didn't drink & there were no computers around in my life back then.  I used to miss that time, & then I didn't, & now I'm kind of reliving some aspect of it.  At this point I want to stop writing but I don't feel I've sufficiently wrapped up or concluded my thoughts.  I will say that I just reread what I wrote & mostly I like the phrase "writing all over the internet" because it makes me think of the internet as a giant wall vandals are tagging & scribbling over.  Other than that, this is pretty standard & tedious blog post by me.  My apologies for wasting your time, if you made it this far.  & even if you didn't.

Adding Prerecords To The Website

Hello.

In the next few days, while I'm not overbusy with making radio shows from home - I made three in three days! that was seven & a half hours of radio! - exactly! - I'll be adding the prerecords I made for these station to the Self Help Radio website.

These are not episodes of Self Help Radio.  They're mainly music, with short airbreaks by me to simulate live radio - they actually fooled a friend who texted me when he heard one of the shows & asked "are you broadcasting... live? pulling an airheads?"- anyone listening should know if the show were live I would be talking way too much - & may not be of any interest - but since I put all my playlists up, I figured I'd do that & also link to the shows.

There aren't specific links, but on the front page, they are called March 17 Freeform Portland Sub Show & March 21 Freeform Portland Sub Show.  I'll be adding more over the weekend, including some sub shows I did for KBOO, like the reggae show that's aired more than once over there.

If you're interested.  If not, no worries.

Self Help Radio 040620: Wishes

(Original image here.)

Holy moley, I spent all day on this week's Self Help Radio.  I really have no concept of time.  But it was really fun - & a bit frustrating - putting it together.  There were so many songs about wishes that I just couldn't get to them all.  I bet I could have done four hours - & that was excluding songs about wishing wells, which I covered in a show about wells I did two years ago.

Not only that, the folks who pretend to be experts & get interviewed really brought their A game.  I know that's a sportsball term which means they were at their best, but other than that I don't know exactly what an A game.  Rest assured, what you get from me on the show is my regular C game.  That might be too generous.  C minus game.

If you wish to listen, the show is at the Self Help Radio website now or whenever you have a moment.  Ha ha, all we have are moments these days.  Too many moments.  Remember, the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp.  The show is exactly two hours long.  Amazing!  What happens on the show is listed below.

As you wish.

Self Help Radio Wishes Show

"When You Wish Upon A Star" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_
"Make A Wish" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_
"Wishing The Days Away" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_

introduction & definitions

"I Wish" Eisley _The Valley_
"I Wish I Was Him" Kathleen Hanna _Rock Stars Kill_
"Three Wishes" Twink _The Broken Record_
"Blown A Wish" My Bloody Valentine _Loveless_
"Wish You Would" Ivy _Avenge_

interview with Steig Klettesteig from the Make-A-Wish Take-A-Wish Foundation

"I Wish" Stevie Wonder _Songs In The Key Of Life_
"My Fondest Wish" Sometimes I Wonder _You're Still Young At Heart_
"Down By The Wishing Pool" The Chesterfields _Down By The Wishing Pool_
"Wish We Were" Smoking Popes _This Is Only A Test_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)" Nouvelle Vague _Nouvelle Vague_
"I Wished On The Moon" Billie Holiday _The Quintessential Billie Holiday Volume 1, 1933-1935_
"I Wish, I Wish" Cat Stevens _Mona Bone Jakon_
"I Wish I Had Pictures" The Magnetic Fields _50 Song Memoir_

interview with Dolph Winspear of 'Genies R Us'

"I Wish" Skee-Lo _I Wish_ (Volcano, 1995)
"A Specific System Of Selective Short-Term Well-Wishing" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"I Wish You Would" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"Wish I Sang A Little Better" Sprites _Starling, Spiders, Tiger, & Sprites_

interview with an actual genie

"Wishin' & Hopin'" The Vandalias _What The World Needs Now (Big Deal Recording Artists Perform The Music Of Burt Bacharach)_
"A Wish Away" The Wonder Stuff _The Eight Legged Groove Machine_
"Wishing It Were Friday" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_
"I Wish For You" Lake _The World Is Real_

conclusion & goodbye

"I Wish You Well" Bill Withers _The Best Of Bill Withers: Lean On Me_
"Wishful Thinkin'" Sly & The Family Stone _Small Talk

Whither Wishes?

(Oh boy!  There's a whole list of wish spells at the website where I found this graphic!)

The reason the show today is about wishes & wishing is because it was a request.  Tomorrow is Jenny's birthday & apparently her birthday wish was to have a Self Help Radio show about wishes.  This was a pretty easy wish to make come true.

Although I am nowhere near prepared to have it finished early tomorrow.  It'll appear at some point in the day tomorrow but not first thing, not 10am, probably not even noon.  I spent all day yesterday prerecording The Dickenbock Report, so I'd had no chance to go entirely through the (checks) four thousand songs about wishes I have gathered.  Plus!  I have interviews to edit!  Plus!  I have to prerecord my dumb airbreaks!

But as sure as wishes don't come true, I'll have a new episode of Self Help Radio tomorrow sometime at the show's website.  You don't need to blow out any candles or order a genie to make it so or, yes, invoke some meteor to make me do it.  I'll do it!  I'm doing it now!