Preface To Popcorn: If I Ever Catch That Whoremonger Orville Redenbacher, I'll Wring His Neck!

I am in no way beholden to the popcorn board. No matter how much free popcorn they send me. Covered in delicious fake granular cheese. Or chocolate. I'm not picky. Pickles! I wonder if I could get free pickles, too! Popcorn & pickles. It's like I am a mentally ill pregnant woman.

I hope one day you will learn how to make popcorn. Meanwhile, as I vainly floss, I tell you that last week's show is up up up for your listening displeasure over at the Self Help Radio site. If you missed it, you missed a special guest appearance by David Bowie & Iman, & a chance to hear me get kicked in the teeth.

No time! No time! I must have more popcorn or I am doomed!