Heart Of Hearts

Question! Did you really fall off a log on your back in the muddy rain?
Answer! Where did I put that bad attitude!

Question! What happens to all the hugs & kisses when we run out of x's & o's?
Answer! Which one of you mothers belongs to this garage sale!

Query! How does a friend stop being a friend & becoming a psycho poseur?
Response! Why are you so blind, you feckless fuck!

Ringtone! Did I catch you with who-know-you at the you-where-you know-when-know?
Texting! Which computer language am I speaking: bleddle deddle bleddle beddle!

Observation! Who worries about ice cubes until it's too late?
Misapprehension! Who drinks gin at room temperature who isn't British & sickly!

Question! Does how much you hate make how little you care seem too much to deal with?
Answer! What movie is that from why won't you tell me!

Relativity! What do you call someone who can't tell the difference between frogs & rats?
Certainty! Shall we try to replace the context of the "so & so walks into a bar" joke!

Offensive! Are those new shoes?
Defensive! Are those new tits!

Dominant! What are you going to do about your stupid life!
Submissive! What would Sam Beckett do!

Pre-op! Can someone tell me that name of that mean & ugly nurse?
Post-op! Why would any hospital hire such an obviously hateful person!

Question! What do you think my kitten says when she says "meeow"?
Answer! What does your blood taste like!

Science! Aren't you afraid of getting caught?
Religion! Do you think they'll put me back in the happy place with the happy pills!

Open! Do you double space the text so it's easier for the average person to read?
Closed! What does any of this have to do with a radio show!

Simple! Why can't I get to sleep even when I'm really really tired?
Complicated! Why can't I wake up even when I have nothing to do!

Question! Don't you hate that you didn't pay enough attention to Nikki Sudden when he was alive?
Answer! Do you really want a list of my regrets!