Whither Tea?

Why thank you! I will have a cup of tea. Two sugars please. Thanks so much.

This isn't herbal tea, is it? Ah, good! That's not really tea, now, is it? No, it's just some twigs & leaves disguised as tea. You & I know the difference, don't we! We don't just enjoy tea - we're not just tea enthusiasts, are we, no! We're lovers of tea & scholars of tea!

Quick! Name the four kinds of tea! You got it! Black tea, oolong tea, green tea & white tea. Say! Are those cookies over there? Don't mind if I do.

Do you know, some people don't even know where tea came from. Imagine! You can try to tell them that tea was enjoyed in China for thousands of years before any white fellow with a British accent sipped it in some manicured garden & they'll act as if you've called Jesus Christ a filthy cocksucker! It's true. But why deny this delicious beverage its true lineage? How does that denigrate it for the likes of us? Not at all, you're right! & yes, I'll have another cup!

No, tell even a relatively smart person that tea came to England through a marriage to a Portuguese princess & they'll get huffy & perhaps daydream about hitting us. Or try this: mention that the rise of tea in England parallels the rise of sugar consumption from the slave fields of the Caribbean - & note that the sweetest tea in the world is still drunk today in the American south - & they'll screw their faces up like they either having a stroke or a painful bowel movement. All this over tea! What an important libation!

Oh you know I would love to stay to have another cup, but I must be off. I don't mind this lackadaisical consumption of tea in a button-down setting, but I will let you know I prefer a more - shall we say - structured approach to my tea. So I am inviting you to my next tea party! I will be combining some Japanese & Chinese methods of preparation & service to some rituals I have been dreaming about lately, given to me in my sleep by FBI Agent Dale Cooper of television's Twin Peaks & by Stephen Strange, also known as Marvel Comics' sorcerer supreme, Dr. Strange. Please bring an appetite & protective headgear!

& thanks so much for the tea!