Today's remembrance is from a silly email I wrote to a silly woman with whom I might have once had the chance to have a silly relationship but it fell through due to silliness. I am just posting excerpts of silliness.
The email was called "The Mlik Chocolate Melts In Your Hair, Not In Your Hamster"
She told me she was sad, & I wrote this:
You obviously haven't heard The Antacid Song!
Antacid, antacid
You don't understand my tummy
Antacid, antacid
You think I am a dummy
Just because I eat high heels
& travel with the acrobats
& skip all buffet meals
Doesn't mean I won't get mad
At my
Antacid, antacid
My stomach thinks you hate it
Antacid, antacid
He wished I never ate it
Just because I read real slow
& have a complex about cheese
& married an Asian ice flow
Don't mean I can digest grease
Oh,
Antacid, antacid,
Can't we all just get along?
Antacid, antacid,
I mean, in spite of this song?
Now, *that's* sad!
[Later, I write:]
For example, I am having this conversation with you in my head right now:
Me: Hey! Don't eat that!
You: Why not?
Me: It's a bug with staples all in it!
You: I know, I put them there.
Me: But why?
You: He has a soft exoskeleton.
Me: But aren't you going to eat him?
You: Perhaps on a kaiser roll.
Me: Won't the staples get in the way?
You: Does the toothpick in the Schlotsky's sandwich get in *your* way when *you* eat it?
Me: I take it out first.
You: You do?
Me: You're afraid of it getting all runny!
You: Take that back!
Me: You won't eat a runny bug! You won't eat a runny bug!
You: I'll kick your fag ass if you don't take that back!
Me: My fag ass?
You: You have a very homosexual behind.
Me: You think?
You: So do dachsunds, though.
Me: You just said that because they're called "weiner dogs."
You: You have no faith in my abilities, do you?
Me: I take it back.
You: Your faith?
Me: What I said about the runny bug.
You: Why?
Me: It won't get runny, it'll get mooshy.
You: Not with staples in it.
See? Piece of cake!
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