Preface To Valentine's Day 2010: If I Was Your Girlfriend

I'm pretty astonished how short some people are. Like Prince, who wrote the queer tune I won't be playing on this week's show, which I am quoting above. He is five foot two. Which was (some folks say) how tall Napoleon was. & of course there are a lot of similarities between the two, & yes, I am talking about Prince's continuing aggression against Prussians. He won't be happy till he plows through them toward Russia.

Bowie seems shorter than five foot ten, but that's what his official bio says. But official bios can be faked. & I think Bowie has faked his. I don't think he's taller than five six. He's certainly not taller than Bob Dylan, who's about five eight.

All these people I mention are also famously scrawny. Leonard Cohen (whose bio says he's five nine) claimed that, during the writing of "Beautiful Losers," he took so much speed he got down to 85 pounds. Christian Bale, who's about as tall as I am, got down to 121 pounds for The Machinist, & he looked like he simply couldn't lose any more weight. Could Cohen be five nine & get that emaciated? I doubt it.

By the way, the average height of the American male is five eight. The average weight is 189 pounds.

Yes, there will be no Prince on Self Help Radio this week, nor really any time soon. That's what I was going to say because I had to listen to that nonsense song again in case it was better than I remembered. Does anyone know when or if Prince was going to get his adenoids taken care of?