Preface To Itchy & Scratchy: A Dilemma Rears Its Irritated Head

At Self Help Radio, we have a mere ninety minutes - much less, really, when you think about how much that fool Gary talks - let's say seventy-five minutes if we're feeling charitable - to try to cover a subject as comprehensively as possible. If the GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000 would give more specific themes - you know, like "skin irritation" rather than "itchy & scratchy" - we might be able to be more thorough, possibly even exhausting, about our subjects. But let's be honest, the GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000 thinks we're all much stupider than it is, so it lobs soft balls.

With overarching themes - especially "double" themes like "itchy & scratchy" - there's bound to be something left out. & let me tell you, this week - on the show's premiere on Lexington radio! - we're going to find ourselves in a bit of a bind. Because if you mention "scratching" & music in the same sentence you are alluding to one of the cornerstones of hip hop culture. & there's no way Self Help Radio can cover the history of scratching - or even highlight the greats in the field - in just one set. & until an entire show can be called "scratching" - which seems like a good idea right about now, doesn't it GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000? - the entire show can't be entirely about scratching when there's also itching right there in the title.

Oh, management is convinced the issue will be handled tastefully & satisfactorily, but they never listen to the show; they just sit in their fat offices counting all the money. By the way, none of that money is made by Self Help Radio - the show is a tax write-off - but they don't need to be as nice as they are. They could be way more dismissive. We sometimes wish they were more dismissive. It might justify some of the show's embarrassment.

We know, you're asking, well, what the hell can I do about? Hmm. Maybe you can answer that better than the staff of Self Help Radio. We're going to go listen to a DJ Q-Bert record now.