Recent studies have shown that virtually everyone on planet earth has what is commonly called a "birth day." This may include the Immortals, who, because of their long lives, have usually forgotten the day they were born & often "remember" several times a year to have more parties & get more presents. According to the Asimov Act of 2010, robots, androids, & other artificial life forms are no longer allowed to have birthdays, instead being allowed to celebrate only "dates of manufacture."
Self Help Radio, in accordance with federal laws & union policies, devotes one show a year to birthdays. This show can be celebrated by people who have had birthdays, people who will have birthdays, & both, & neither. Well, not neither. As allowed in subsection 12 of the Cake Division Act, radio shows are allowed to dedicate their birthday programs to one or more particular persons while making it clear throughout the show that it can also be understood to be about anyone's birthday in general. This represents compliance with the Hurt Feelings Compromise, which may soon be overturned by passage of the new Congress' proposed Stop Being Such A Big Baby legislation. As it stands, however, Self Help Radio has dedicated this show to one Magdalena Muchlinski, a respected academic with a big nose, whose birthday falls on the day after the show. It is believed that one or more of the hosts of Self Help Radio "has the hots" for Ms. Muchlinksi, & rumors that one or more of the hosts of Self Help Radio is married to her have circulated.
For those of you who do celebrate birthdays, the show is available online at self help radio dot net. It is advised you listen to it with friends, perhaps while wearing a colorful, pointy hat. Balloons will increase the enjoyment of the program, as will alcohol. The program is legally binding as a present from Self Help Radio &, as such, one cannot expect anything else for one's birthday this year from the makers of Self Help Radio. You're welcome.
Happy birthday you!
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