On The Off Chance

Does anyone ever really find love at the Consumer Design Expo? Even now, in what many have called the 21st century? Our man on the street, Dodger Rails, filed this report:

Thank you, Grimace. The 47th Annual Contumely Design Expo has risen from the ashes of the 22nd Bi-Annual Snake & Knife Show here at the Metropolitan Deranged Civic Center & what a crowd has turned out then turned away today! While the doors opened at 8am, to the dulcet tunes of power-rock band Kansas & their "Dumps In The Wind," retailers' alarm clocks were not set properly for Daylight Savings Time & they arrived late en masse to find confused visitors setting fire to their empty booths. By the time the National Guard arrived, there was nothing more to burn, so the National Guard set themselves on fire. Mayor Charles Clueless spoke briefly to reporters outside his Hairless McMansion:

We express our condolences & deepest prayers to the men & women who were so bravely lost on this, the nightmarish misunderstanding of consequence, & we encourage those who were not able to commit arson today to please return to the new, improved Expo tomorrow or possibly Thursday once the police tape is removed.

But what of the recession-hit people who paid to park in this smoldering parking lot? What happens to them? Their children? Their pensions & pet insurance?

I guess I'm sad, I've always wanted to see the new designs of the new-fangled consumer, but I was stuck in traffic listening to drive-time radio, so I wouldn't have been able to attend anyway. Now can I have my dog back, kind sir?

Reporting somewhat live from outside the ruins of the city gates, this is Codger Nails for High Tone News. Back to you, Grimley.