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Friday, July 17, 2015

Friday I'm In Lieu

Guess what?  I haven't started working on Tuesday's show yet.  I am taking my time.  Please don't make fun of me Monday when I am freaking out.

There will be a dinner party at my place tonight.  I just went shopping.  I watched a woman who was perfectly able to bag her own groceries sit & stare at a cashier while she (the cashier) did all the work, checking the items out & then putting them in a bag, & while the line behind her got longer & longer.  I marvel at how entitled people like that idle woman feel.  When I bag my own groceries, the cashier thanks me, as does the person behind me.

By the way, who doesn't bring their own reusable bags to stores?  It's 2015.  We might be able to add another year or two at the end of the brief time this planet can sustain human life.  But you know the saying: self-important self-involved indolent pieces of entitled shit are why we can't have nice things.

This is something else I am sort of annoyed by: the stock question that cashiers ask when you get to check-out: "Did you find everything okay?"  I want to say, "Whether I did or not, this is exactly the wrong place to ask me.  If I didn't, we would hold up the line for everyone else because I wasn't smart enough to find any number of the clearly-marked employees around the store to ask for help.  In fact, you should probably say, 'If you haven't found everything you came for at this point, you're a moron & you don't deserve my help.'"

Oh man I didn't want to write about things that irk me, but I will add one more: cashiers who make conversation based on what you buy.  It's so lame.  This is I think a Trader Joe's phenomenon.  It happens there all the time.  It takes two major forms:

1) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh, I love this.  This is so good."

2) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh I've got to try this!  It looks so good."

I want to say, in the first instance, "That's interesting, I only buy this to poison the rats in my garage."  & in the second instance, "It's not.  It's awful.  But my mother-in-law's in town."

Do we need to make conversation at a checkout line?  The woman at Whole Foods today was awful cute but I'm married & also probably twenty-five years older than her, which is as much to say that she would have no interest in my aged ugly self as it would be to say that she & I would have virtually nothing in common, guaranteed.  Why waste time conversing?  What's so bad about a little silence while you do your job & I bag my own damn groceries?

Wow that got grumpy fast.  I am going to start making dinner, & also have a beer.

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