It Is My Fate To Write Crappy Blogs

Arrgh, there's no time today, I've been working on my dumb show & living my dumb life so, for your edification & probably revulsion, I have found a very old poem - I wrote it almost twenty years ago - in which I happen to mention "fate."  Enjoy?

Game Theory

stare at life, through the lens that's dirty.  i'm thirty, closing in on

older, wishing for the heart to make my mind catch fire.  moments so mired

in emotion wait, do they, to bog me down.  i'll drown, a better fate, than

slowing to statue in a haze of cigarette air.

let me see, as out of practice as out of time.  i go from salt to lime,

washed throat with alcohol swabbing, spider in a dark ditch.  but which is

which, the heart or the balls, hand to hold or body to bang.  something

someone sang resonates, something someone said i disbelieve.

whatever, i'm kept busy by being kept busy, feeding cats & bathing.  i

don't mind aging, though it's not growth.  no i don't see souls together,

just vases filled with dying flowers yards apart.  my broken heart believes

out of spite, even though so fond of the word "never."

so sign me up, eyes need eyes to make sense of chemical need.  always more

to bleed, always more blood though thin, though fading red.  what instead,

newspaper voyeurism, sexual vandalism, embracing the dirt as the blooms

fade.  no, not today, i want to scare the seconds when my time is up.