Whither Neon?

(Image from this helpful video which I actually didn't watch.)

All right.  My apologies for this show being a day late.  It's possibly also a dollar short.  But the show loses money anyway, so that's nothing new.  Someone told me today not to worry if the show isn't on time, but I don't feel that way - even if it's not technically on the radio, I like that it appears as regularly as on the radio.  Anyway, it'll happen tomorrow.  I promise.

So, why a show about neon?  Funny story.  I was drinking cough syrup & driving one night many months ago when I accidentally (on purpose?) drove into a shopping center & into the parking lot of what appeared to be a head shop but was really an Olive Garden because I just loved the neon sign.  Well, I thought it was a neon sign.  It was a Dodge Neon.  Which really looks like neon when you've downed a six-pack of Robitussin.  Yes, they sell Robitussin in Fort Worth in six-packs!  I'd feel weird buying them in forty ounce bottles.

Anyway, some time later after hiding for what felt like weeks from the police, I apologized to my sister about taking her car (& her cough syrup) for a joy ride, & told her that snitches get stitches, & also to explain that my fingerprints were there because I am her brother, I got to thinking about that Dodge Neon, which was empty, I swear, parked, even.  Or parking.  It looked empty.  It looked, frankly, beautiful, & who wouldn't want to own a beautiful American automobile like that?  Not me, but I did think that, if it were made of neon, I could totally drive through it, neon being a gas & all.  Silly me, I forgot it was an inert gas.

& if there's anything I've learned from this experience, your honor, it's that sisters can't be trusted, & that it's important to remember things you should've learned in chemistry class when you were playing with the Bunsen burner, & that I'll never ever make the same mistake with a Dodge Neon again.  The result was that the judge sentenced me to something, I think he said community service, which I assumed meant that I had a do a radio show about neon!

So I shall.  Tomorrow at noon.  Self Help Radio dot net.  Bring your own cough syrup, I barely have enough for me.