Hypothetical listener: Say, I pay pretty close attention to your show because I am a hypothetical listener so anything's possible & I feel like you've done a show about stairs before.
Unhypothetical me: I can't believe anyone listens to the show!
Hypothetical listener: Yeah, yeah, but haven't you done a show about stairs before?
Unhypothetical me: Oh sorry, my eyes kind of filled with stars with the idea of someone actually listening to Self Help Radio.
Hypothetical listener: Right.
Unhypothetical me: It's just Charlie Brown winning a baseball game or something.
Hypothetical listener: I can just go check the list of your shows on the website if you're busy being weird.
Unhypothetical me: No, no, no. I'll answer the question!
Hypothetical listener: Thanks.
Unhypothetical me: The answer is, no, I've never done a show about stairs before.
Hypothetical listener: But...
Unhypothetical me: But because you're a dutiful listener, you may recall that on April 11, 2009 - nearly ten years ago! - I did a show with the theme "upstairs downstairs".
Hypothetical listener: Oh yes, I remember!
Unhypothetical me: That was about places where stairs lead. Not stairs themselves.
Hypothetical listener: Got it.
Unhypothetical me: I mean, the word "stairs" in the name, but I was meaning mainly like floors.
Hypothetical listener: Sure, I understand.
Unhypothetical me: I suppose some folks might have thought I was referring to the British drama from the 1970s but I wasn't.
Hypothetical listener: Great.
Unhypothetical me: I mean, I've never even seen it, except the end credits when it was on PBS right before Monty Python in my youth.
Hypothetical listener: Swell. Oh gosh would you look at the time.
Unhypothetical me: Hmm? What? Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to bore you.
Hypothetical listener: Now you know why I'm hypothetical!
Unhypothetical me: (very sad now) Yeah.
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