Track Changes

These are some things I'm not doing during this pandemic:

Thinking about the future.  No, my wife does that.  Sometimes way into the future.  Jobs have been lost, houses have been foreclosed upon, I suppose I might be arrested.  That's her, not me.  Mainly I am thinking about what radio show I need to do next.  Which leads me to something else I'm not doing this pandemic:

Getting radio shows done on time.  This is my classic procrastinator's pattern.   I have a little bit of time to plan, & instead I read stuff online that depresses or enrages me, I eat, or I nap.  I nap a lot.  Like, probably an unhealthy amount.  I actually think I nap for that moment when I wake when I have no idea what time it is, where I am, & what the hell I have been doing.  That used to be frightening, now it's a comfort.

Which reminds me, something else I'm doing during this pandemic is:

Getting anything done.  Sure, I have made some radio shows, but there are a million things I wish I could do - from finishing books I've started reading to simply getting ahead of the curve for other projects - that I am not taking the time to do.  Yes, I have a good deal of anxiety & yes, I am often a bit depressed, but I have to admit that that's par for the course of my life.  What is keeping me from doing this?  I am not drinking more than usual.  I am not doing other drugs or otherwise occupying my time in that way (although I do nap a lot).  So what is it?  Laziness.  Pure & simple.

It's been so beautiful & warm around here lately so I wish I could tell you I've been spending time outside, but nope!  I do walk the dogs twice a day, & am stunned by folks who require you to cross the street out of some weird privilege - dude, we have three dogs & one of them is a senior citizen who's old & slow, but sure, I'll move so you & your fucking husky can breeze past us - but that's not nearly as much time as the wife, who also has to work, has spent in our garden.  Does sitting outside in the backyard on the porch playing games on the phone count?  No.  No, it doesn't.

Yes, I am eating a bit more.  I am going to eat something now, in fact, while reading things that will raise my blood pressure online.  I actually just saw something I thought was thoughtful & wanted to see what the reaction online was - & of course it was bugfuck crazy.  We need to defend our "side" over anything - & luckily there are obfuscation tools available at the ready once you've committed.  I feel awful for anyone who might have questions, or doubts, or reservations - surely you, like me, will be destroyed first.

Oh yeah, I mentioned I would eat something now.  That's what I'll do, then.