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Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Preface To Codes: A Small Favor

(image from here)

My wife told me recently that we've moved from the "marriages & births" part of our lives to the "divorces & deaths" part. Inasmuch as anyone can be prepared for such things, I'd like to humbly as a small favor:

In the face of such trauma, can the world just stop for a little while? Let us catch our breath, take stock, get a little painless sleep? I'm sure there's some benefit to time moving steadily forward despite the tragedies & unhappinesses of our lives, but is there anyone who thinks it would be a terrible thing to just stand still for a moment, for a day, for a week. Maybe to let the tears dry, or have a little more time to gather the strength to face down the future, or just to sit somewhere quietly & start breathing normally again.

Speaking just for myself, I was woefully prepared for this portion of my life, with parents needing care & lives unraveling, with the sudden realization that the invulnerability of youth was a cruel illusion & that parts of you will break & you might not be able to fix them.

The world doesn't care, I know. Time is just doing its job. We can pretend we've captured life in some way with our clever minutes & years but it turns out it's ourselves we've ensnared. I'm not ashamed to admit I may not be strong enough to carry all this loss with me until my inevitable ending. It really is too much to ask - beg, please - for a moment to put it down & lean a little on a nearby wall.

This has nothing to do with codes but this show is being made in a backdrop of powerful loss & I wanted to express how helpless & weak I am currently feeling. The show I hope won't be anything like this.

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