A Story About Sleep Problems

(Ooo, gabapentin. Image from here.)

For as long as I can remember, I've had a bit of a hard time getting to sleep. Even when I abstain from screens or caffeine or any stimulants - even when I spend an hour reading a book before bed - I will lie awake for some time before I fall asleep.

Listen: I knew a woman who told me she dated a guy who would say, "I'm going to sleep," & then fall asleep. She told me the story to indicate some issues she had with him. I was utterly envious. This was someone I knew over twenty years ago. Which suggests that my problems with going to sleep date from way back.

But then something happened. Around a year ago - in December of 2022 - I had a dental issue. It was very, very painful. Because my dental insurance was with a MegaCorporation, there wasn't a great deal of empathy with the pain. An appointment was scheduled to deal with the issue, but there was a fortnight between then & now & I didn't have a way to deal with the pain. My wife had a solution, I consulted with my doctor, & what happened was that I was prescribed gabapentin along with a regimen of ibuprofen. It was a very peculiar experience - I could feel that there was a throbbing in my mouth that indicated pain, that the medication kept at bay.

One unusual aspect of this experience was that, when it was time to go to bed, I could - magically, novelly, unbelievably - close my eyes & just fall asleep. No ruminating, no intrusive thoughts, no haunting memories. I assumed this was because of the gabapentin. My small amount of research suggested it was somehow shutting down the regret & anxiety that tortured me before sleep.

But I waited a while. I had a doctor's appointment in January, around the time of my birthday, & I mentioned this to my doctor. It had been a year since the dental situation. She was not happy with the idea of a sleep issue solved with medication, but she agreed to give me a prescription to try it out.

As I mentioned yesterday, I am extremely busy - often working on a radio show - so I waited until there was a time when I might enjoy a good night's sleep. & I took a gabapentin before I went to bed.

& wow it went badly. I couldn't fall asleep & my thoughts took on a lurid, almost antagonistic quality. When I did fall asleep, my dreams were some kind of distorted lucid dreams. It was a most unpleasant experience.

The post-mortem by my wife suggested I take the pill a couple hours before sleep. I am a little nervous about trying it again. But I might.

Or instead maybe I should reduce the obligations in my life that make me so tired?