Self Help Radio 091024: Brooms

Many years from now (hopefully) as I find myself after death in some mysterious foggy circumstance, standing before a gate or door or maybe I don't know a giant hole, an imposing figure of impossible grandeur will appear, striking me with awe, & I will fall to my knees or, depending on my knees at that age, will sit slowly on a nearby outcropping but hopefully doing so in the most humble & respectful way possible (I really hope I am not just on the ground sitting Indian style as there's really no way to look humble & respectful like that), & I will not look at the figure & I will await my judgment or fate or whatever the hell is happening, which is a surprise to me because I frankly never believed in anything supernatural my entire life.

But the figure of impossible grandeur will say, in a booming voice best represented in a bold font but not worth all caps which is an annoying way to write, it will say, You are at the end of your sad mortal life. What did you do to better your world? What did you contribute? You come from a place of misery & woe - from omnipresent death & suffering - from sadness & hunger & pain & want. The next step in your journey depends upon your answer to this question: What is it you gave to your world that proves your life had meaning?

There will be no pause. There will be no hesitation. I will say proudly, "I made a radio show about brooms."

& the figure of impossible grandeur will let me pass.

You can listen to my singular contribution to the world (& my salvation too it may turn out) now or any time at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. If you choose the latter, remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp. The show was two hours of broom fun. Everything that happened on it is listed below.

Prepare to be swept away!

Self Help Radio Broom Show

"The Broom" The Af-Tabs _Jerk! Shake! & Vibrate!_

"Old Broom" Keith Hudson _The Hudson Affair: Keith Hudson & Friends_

"New Broom" Minisnap _Bounce Around_

introduction & definitions

"The Admiral's Broom" Peter Dawson _Songs Of The Sea_

"Get Yourself A New Broom (& Sweep The Blues Away) (vocals, Ivie Anderson)" Duke Ellington & His Orchestra _The Complete 1932-1940 Brunswick, Columbia, & Master Recordings Of Duke Ellington & His Famous Orchestra_

"I Believe I'll Dust My Broom" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_

"Broomstick Buckaroo" Gene Autry _Always Your Pal, Gene Autry_

"New Broom Boogie" Al Dexter & His Troopers _Hillbilly Boogie_

interview with Constance & Xavier Broom, heirs to the Broom fortune

"The Bald Headed End Of The Broom" June Carter _The Essential Early Years 1949-1954_

"Straw Broom Boogie" Dick Spain _Rockabilly Shakedown_

"Let's Jump The Broomstick" Brenda Lee _Brenda Lee Rocks_

"Jump On Your Broomstick" Kenny Lynch _Don't Knock Upon My Door: Six Dozen Great British B-Sides_

"Broomstick Cowboy" Claudine Longet _We've Only Just Begun_

interview with Portland band The Brooms

"Gotta Get My Broom Out" The O'Jays _Super Bad_

"Broomstraw Philosophers & Scuppernong Wine" Larry Jon Wilson _New Beginnings_

"Jimmy The Broom" Merle Haggard & Willie Nelson _Seashores Of Old Mexico_

"I Am Not Your Broom" They Might Be Giants _No!_

interview with broom innovators Todd Ellis & Antonia Glass

"Lish Young Buy-A-Broom" Clannad _Fuaim_

"The Grocer's Broom" Richard Shindell _Somewhere Near Paterson_

"A Rake, A Broom, A Mop, A Shovel" The Terrible Twos _If You Ever See An Owl..._

"Broomstick Rhythm" XTC _Jules Verne's Sketchbook_

interview with my neighbor Dave who is always sweeping his porch with his broom

"Broom People" The Mountain Goats _The Sunset Tree_

"Sweepin' Broom" Caspar Babypants _Hot Dog!_

"Broomhorse" Tele Novella _Poet's Tooth_

"Lesser Broom" Grape Room _Heart Of Gum_

conclusion & goodbye

"Straw-Broom Two-Step" The Texettes _Country RnR_

"Magic Broom" Len Hansen _Hi - It's Bin A Long Time_

"Fat Brooms Brush The Number Bush" The Late Bronze Age _Col. Bruce Hampton: Strange Voices_