Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Make A Hat Day

September 15 is Make A Hat Day. We'll report on that tomorrow, Sunday, September 15, on the Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM, by talking about hats & playing musical reports about hats for inspiration. We imagine at the end of the show so many hats will have been made nearly everyone in Portland will have a hat. Now that is a news program.

Sunday, September 15 on XRAY - that's 91.1+107.1fm in town & online at xray dot fm. Your poor unexposed head will thank you.

This Week In Self Help (Sep 8 10 + 12)

Oh dear lord I was on the radio some more this week. How ever can I apologize? Here is a list of my radio crimes these last seven days.

On Sunday the 8th I was on XRAY with an episode of The Dickenbock Report. It was a continuation of my exploration of music & news a hundred years ago - so, 1924 Part II. Here is the show on the XRAY website. You can also listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website. Important info: username SHR, password selfhelp.

Self Help Radio was a show about brooms. Like the one pictured above, hanging out with its friend, shovel. Here is the show on the KBOO website. You can also listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website. Important info: username SHR, password selfhelp.

Right after Self Help Radio I played music from a bunch of artists whom we have recently lost. It was an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming. It is included in the KBOO link above. But you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website if you just wanna listen to it alone. Important info: username SHR, password selfhelp.

Finally, yesterday, the 12th, I sat in on the XRAY show Welcome To Your Good Day & played a couple of hours of new releases. Here is the show on the XRAY website. I have not put in on the Self Help Radio website yet - I'll do that on Tuesday.

This is an actual text I got during yesterday's XRAY show: Goats eat noxious weeds.

Something to look forward to!

Self Help Radio 091024: Brooms

Many years from now (hopefully) as I find myself after death in some mysterious foggy circumstance, standing before a gate or door or maybe I don't know a giant hole, an imposing figure of impossible grandeur will appear, striking me with awe, & I will fall to my knees or, depending on my knees at that age, will sit slowly on a nearby outcropping but hopefully doing so in the most humble & respectful way possible (I really hope I am not just on the ground sitting Indian style as there's really no way to look humble & respectful like that), & I will not look at the figure & I will await my judgment or fate or whatever the hell is happening, which is a surprise to me because I frankly never believed in anything supernatural my entire life.

But the figure of impossible grandeur will say, in a booming voice best represented in a bold font but not worth all caps which is an annoying way to write, it will say, You are at the end of your sad mortal life. What did you do to better your world? What did you contribute? You come from a place of misery & woe - from omnipresent death & suffering - from sadness & hunger & pain & want. The next step in your journey depends upon your answer to this question: What is it you gave to your world that proves your life had meaning?

There will be no pause. There will be no hesitation. I will say proudly, "I made a radio show about brooms."

& the figure of impossible grandeur will let me pass.

You can listen to my singular contribution to the world (& my salvation too it may turn out) now or any time at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. If you choose the latter, remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp. The show was two hours of broom fun. Everything that happened on it is listed below.

Prepare to be swept away!

Self Help Radio Broom Show

"The Broom" The Af-Tabs _Jerk! Shake! & Vibrate!_

"Old Broom" Keith Hudson _The Hudson Affair: Keith Hudson & Friends_

"New Broom" Minisnap _Bounce Around_

introduction & definitions

"The Admiral's Broom" Peter Dawson _Songs Of The Sea_

"Get Yourself A New Broom (& Sweep The Blues Away) (vocals, Ivie Anderson)" Duke Ellington & His Orchestra _The Complete 1932-1940 Brunswick, Columbia, & Master Recordings Of Duke Ellington & His Famous Orchestra_

"I Believe I'll Dust My Broom" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_

"Broomstick Buckaroo" Gene Autry _Always Your Pal, Gene Autry_

"New Broom Boogie" Al Dexter & His Troopers _Hillbilly Boogie_

interview with Constance & Xavier Broom, heirs to the Broom fortune

"The Bald Headed End Of The Broom" June Carter _The Essential Early Years 1949-1954_

"Straw Broom Boogie" Dick Spain _Rockabilly Shakedown_

"Let's Jump The Broomstick" Brenda Lee _Brenda Lee Rocks_

"Jump On Your Broomstick" Kenny Lynch _Don't Knock Upon My Door: Six Dozen Great British B-Sides_

"Broomstick Cowboy" Claudine Longet _We've Only Just Begun_

interview with Portland band The Brooms

"Gotta Get My Broom Out" The O'Jays _Super Bad_

"Broomstraw Philosophers & Scuppernong Wine" Larry Jon Wilson _New Beginnings_

"Jimmy The Broom" Merle Haggard & Willie Nelson _Seashores Of Old Mexico_

"I Am Not Your Broom" They Might Be Giants _No!_

interview with broom innovators Todd Ellis & Antonia Glass

"Lish Young Buy-A-Broom" Clannad _Fuaim_

"The Grocer's Broom" Richard Shindell _Somewhere Near Paterson_

"A Rake, A Broom, A Mop, A Shovel" The Terrible Twos _If You Ever See An Owl..._

"Broomstick Rhythm" XTC _Jules Verne's Sketchbook_

interview with my neighbor Dave who is always sweeping his porch with his broom

"Broom People" The Mountain Goats _The Sunset Tree_

"Sweepin' Broom" Caspar Babypants _Hot Dog!_

"Broomhorse" Tele Novella _Poet's Tooth_

"Lesser Broom" Grape Room _Heart Of Gum_

conclusion & goodbye

"Straw-Broom Two-Step" The Texettes _Country RnR_

"Magic Broom" Len Hansen _Hi - It's Bin A Long Time_

"Fat Brooms Brush The Number Bush" The Late Bronze Age _Col. Bruce Hampton: Strange Voices_

Whither Brooms?

There was a broom, I was told, in the little closet - it was the broom's closet, though there were other things in there, including the dustpan. Did I sweep up regularly? I did not. Did I count on the broom to be there when I inevitably broke a glass, or spilled some dried food, or otherwise made a mess? Yes, I did.

Where did the broom come from? I know I've never purchased a broom in my life. A broom just followed me around. The bristles always unhappily bent. Always discolored at their ends, never cleaned by me. Brought out when the mess became too much, then sent away, again.

It wasn't until later, when I married someone for whom cleaning is a passion, that I saw how powerful the broom could be. But by then my relationship with the broom was forever damaged. Even if I could see that it was more than just a simple tool, I wouldn't really change how I acted around it. & the broom would never trust me. It would have heard stories about me from previous brooms.

Perhaps it would appreciate a radio show about brooms? Might that begin to mend the rift caused by ignorance & neglect? Only time will tell. I will need to remember to put the radio in the broom closet.

A radio show about brooms. Tonight on Self Help Radio on KBOO Portland. 90.7fm in town, kboo dot fm everywhere. If you've never been kind to your broom, you may want to share this show with it.

Preface To Brooms: Do Not Move The Broom

Many years ago - too long ago, it seems - but really a little more than five years - I lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. It was the second time I lived there for a long period of time - the first time being when I was a kid, from ages zero to eighteen. When I left for college I did not imagine that I would live there ever again. But when my wife got a job in Fort Worth in 2016, we moved back to Texas.

Since I like to be on the radio, & since Dallas has but one community radio station, KNON, I found my way there. I remember thinking the competition for shows would be fierce. But the day I showed up & talked to one of the staff, I found out that I was the first person to show up & offer to volunteer for ages.

Eventually I got a show - it wasn't Self Help Radio - just a morning show. & I would drive from my home in Fort Worth on Tuesday mornings in increasingly dangerous rush hour traffic & park & go inside. & one of the days I showed up - March 5, 2019, to be exact - one of the last times I would do that show, since I would be moving to Portland in two months - I saw a broom holding a side door shut with the note held up by the broom. That's the picture you see there. I never found out what was in there. I just didn't remember to ask.

The playlist for that show, by the way, is <a href="https://www.selfhelpradio.net/2019.html#blend190305">here</a>.

It's funny that I am talking about it like it was in the deep, dark past. Though I wasn't doing it on the air in Dallas, I still made episodes of Self Help Radio regularly. Here is the blog entry for that day. I'm not sure why I didn't mention my KNON show on the blog. But you'll notice (if you read the post) I mention visiting Portland. I didn't tell anyone the real reasons why in case our plans fell through, but my wife had gotten a job here & we were visiting to find a place to rent. Which we did. Which is why I'm here now.

It's a long post for a dumb story about an amusing note on a door I probably never noticed before. Here's one last weird fact. That door doesn't exist anymore. Nor the building it was attached to. A tornado destroyed the station later that year. The building was torn down soon after.