Preface To Suits: Suits Stories

I think I bought my first fitted suit - which is to say, I had to have some dude measuring things called "inseams," touching me in places reserved for doctors - when I was asked to be the best man at my friend Mike's wedding.  I got the impression he was afraid I wouldn't dress up, or, worse, was planning to wear something as a "joke."  He was very serious about getting married, as one imagines one should be.  I was a little insulted he thought I'd fuck it up, but I never told him so, since it was his wedding day.

The first time I remember ever "dressing up" was for a middle school "party" or gathering for a group called the Beta Club.  Holy shit, it still exists.  I wasn't sure what the purpose of the dumb club was.  Anyway, I didn't care much what I wore in those days, I was blissfully unaware that there were clothes that people wore because of something like status & peer pressure.  It helped that I was fat & wouldn't have looked good in whatever was hip - but also, my family was poor, so of course we couldn't have afforded those clothes anyway.  I wore a lot of hand-me-downs.  In fact, for that party, I was given my brother Ralph's white suit jacket, & I believe I was made fun of for it being a little too big for me, but I don't remember being hurt by the mockery.  Perhaps I was used to it?

When I used to be asked to deejay in Austin, I always (or most of the time) wore a suit & tie.  No one cared & no one noticed.  I always looked a little ridiculous.

The second suit I bought, & was also fitted for, was for my own wedding, & it made my soon-to-be-wide angry, because I spent a little bit of money on it.  She was going to wear something not-too-fancy as her wedding dress, but she felt like she had to have something as nice as I was wearing.  She needn't have worried - I looked stupid in my moderately-expensive suit, & she would've looked amazing in a tee shirt & shorts.

I wore a suit with a red tie - the whole thing was cobbled together from parts - to my little brother's wedding.  I think I was the only one of his four brothers who wore a suit to his wedding.  With the bright red tie, I felt like I looked like Rush Limbaugh.  For some reason.  Maybe I had also shaved?

I once bought, for a friend's wedding, a suit from a catalog.  Got it through mail order.  Surprisingly, it fit.  Sadly, I got really sick before the wedding, & had to excuse myself during the ceremony.  I don't think I wore it for longer than a couple of hours.

I have no idea where that suit is now.