There are so very many stories I can tell you about my mother's stubbornness. She remained stubborn until finally dementia overtook her mind - although my sister thinks there was still some of it in the way she looked at her at the end. But instead of regaling you with stories that show bullheadedness leading to exasperation & frustration, I want to tell you what happened to me because I grew up with a stubborn mother.
& to be sure, I am not a psychologist nor have I spoken to one about this subject. I don't imagine I am discussing anything universal or even general - just my own experience.
Years after I had left home - when being around my mother was something that happened once a year for just a few hours - I got to see my mother being stubborn in the way that she must've been when I was a kid. In effect I could watch it a little more objectively - she had no power or authority over me, I was a visitor in her life at the time, & I felt a little like I was watching something from outside, as through a picture window.
& it made think how she must've been like that many times in my childhood. She would get obsessed about a topic & she would not let you change the subject. She wanted something & she was going to have it. She wanted you to do something & you were going to do it. She would be focused in such a way that precluded any other opinion - in fact, to offer an opinion, to suggest you might disagree, would be as offensive as if you'd yelled at her, or even struck her. I watched with fascination as my mother held on to some dumb thought or opinion or command as if for dear life. & I could see myself, as a child, buckling under that onslaught.
Because I was very attached to my mother as a child. She liked it that way.
My sister Pat - my oldest sister - became a very stubborn woman. I suspect my sister Karin - my youngest sister - has some stubbornness in her but she's a very reasonable person - she is open to discussion. I don't know about my brothers because we're not close, but I'm sure some of them have a stubborn streak. But what happened to me is that I learned to do anything - anything - to keep from having to endure such stubbornness in my life. It made me prone to be accommodating - I've been accused of being a people pleaser. But I think now it was as a reaction to my mother's stubbornness that I learned to compromise rather than have to be overwhelmed by the power of someone else's stubbornness.
Is this a common reaction to or result of having a stubborn parent? I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to look it up. But it's something that's close to the theme this week. My mother was hella stubborn.
Seriously, I could tell you stories. Remind me to tell you stories. When my mother told stories of her stubbornness, she told them as the hero of those stories. I could only sympathize with the people who were inevitably negatively affected by her intractability. Because I had been one of them, often.
& to be sure, I am not a psychologist nor have I spoken to one about this subject. I don't imagine I am discussing anything universal or even general - just my own experience.
Years after I had left home - when being around my mother was something that happened once a year for just a few hours - I got to see my mother being stubborn in the way that she must've been when I was a kid. In effect I could watch it a little more objectively - she had no power or authority over me, I was a visitor in her life at the time, & I felt a little like I was watching something from outside, as through a picture window.
& it made think how she must've been like that many times in my childhood. She would get obsessed about a topic & she would not let you change the subject. She wanted something & she was going to have it. She wanted you to do something & you were going to do it. She would be focused in such a way that precluded any other opinion - in fact, to offer an opinion, to suggest you might disagree, would be as offensive as if you'd yelled at her, or even struck her. I watched with fascination as my mother held on to some dumb thought or opinion or command as if for dear life. & I could see myself, as a child, buckling under that onslaught.
Because I was very attached to my mother as a child. She liked it that way.
My sister Pat - my oldest sister - became a very stubborn woman. I suspect my sister Karin - my youngest sister - has some stubbornness in her but she's a very reasonable person - she is open to discussion. I don't know about my brothers because we're not close, but I'm sure some of them have a stubborn streak. But what happened to me is that I learned to do anything - anything - to keep from having to endure such stubbornness in my life. It made me prone to be accommodating - I've been accused of being a people pleaser. But I think now it was as a reaction to my mother's stubbornness that I learned to compromise rather than have to be overwhelmed by the power of someone else's stubbornness.
Is this a common reaction to or result of having a stubborn parent? I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to look it up. But it's something that's close to the theme this week. My mother was hella stubborn.
Seriously, I could tell you stories. Remind me to tell you stories. When my mother told stories of her stubbornness, she told them as the hero of those stories. I could only sympathize with the people who were inevitably negatively affected by her intractability. Because I had been one of them, often.
