Whither Upside?

That is a picture of my grey tabby cat Bluto upside down. He was all of maybe five months old in that picture. But to this day he still enjoys being upside down. You can hold him & he will stretch out until he is upside down. No other creature in the house - nor any cat I have ever owned - enjoys this particular thing.

Anyway. The theme this week is "upside." It could also be "upside down" but I wanted to find songs that specifically mentioned the word "upside." Since an "upside" is a different thing than the word "upside" in the phrase "upside down." Spoiler alert! I found more upside down songs than upside songs. Perhaps I'll discuss it on the show.

& no this isn't telling you why that's the theme because the reason it's the theme is a little dumb. I was looking at the list of themes I have explored (which you can find here) & I noticed I had only explored - in 23 years! - themes that began with the letter U a mere eleven times. What could I explore to add something to that short list? "Up" would have too many choices. My upside down? But then I thought - let's see if there are any songs just using the word "upside." There couldn't be a downside to that!

The upside show airs in this upside down world tonight from midnight to 2am on KBOO - 90.7fm in town, kboo dot fm everywhere. Maybe there's an upside to all this.

Preface To Upside: Upside Down Nation

That picture was taken in Fort Worth, Texas, a lifetime ago. Or maybe just eight years. It seems too long ago. Every day we walked with the dogs in our neighborhood, & our walk took us past an elementary school, Ridgelea Hills Elementary. Sometimes our walk took us behind the school, in the area where the children played/had recess. One day - apparently March 11, 2018 - I saw that someone had taken apart some monkey bars - that's what we used to call them - & turned the thing upside down.

A year after that, my wife would accept a job in Portland & my life would change again, but I had no idea that would happen when I took this picture. Then as now, I did my best to find joy where I could - that usually involves radio, my pets, & my wife - despite what is happening in the world. I have lived through the Reagan presidency, as well as two Bushes, & was living through Trump One at the time that picture was taken. It has been exhausting but nothing could have prepared me for the first three weeks of this year.

This morning on The Dickenbock Report, I said something like this: Please don't think because I try to have fun with this ridiculous radio show that I'm not aware of the creeping fascism that threatens our lives. I try to have fun but it's hard when goons who can't even pass an open-book test murder nurses in our streets. Please know I'm sad & angry & know this cannot stand.

What's true is I feel helpless too & don't want to be like my German grandparents were in the 1930s when Germany went full fascist. My mother used to tell me about people in her village disappearing but also that the economy was great & my grandfather could buy a car for the very first time. I don't want the fact that I allowed to make stupid radio shows to be a freedom I have at the expense of others. I am carrying within me an alarming amount of guilt.

The people in Minnesota are so strong, the proud boy gestapo so despicable. We marched in the No Kings March & the stations I am at are proudly anti-fascist. But I do wish I could do more.

If you notice any hesitancy - any embarrassment - any small lack of commitment to my programs - it's because seeing my fellow citizens stand up to a mad king's private racist army while I make dumb noises into a microphone seems like a betrayal. & yet there's really little else I can do.

My apologies. But also my gratitude if you understand. Because I'll keep making my dumb radio shows.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Nellie Bly Around The World

(image from Wikipedia)

On January 25, 1890 - almost 136 years go - journalist Nellie Bly complete her journey around the world - in just over 72 days! For this anniversary, The Dickenbock Report will talk about that impressive feat & listen to music about all things "around the world."

That's tomorrow - Sunday - from noon to 1pm on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere. All around the world!

This Week In Self Help: January 16 18 + 20

(image found here)

Yeah that Time Magazine cover is weird isn't it. I lived through George HW Bush's presidency & could not care any fucking less about him so I am not nor will ever be curious enough to find out why he was Time's "Men Of The Year" - the truth is, he was about the least "manly" President this country has ever had, although the baby currently in the White House comes very close. I only picked the image because he was the 1990 "Men Of The Year" & 1990 played a role in this week's radio stuff I did.

A week ago - Friday January 16th - I was on The Songcircle on KBOO. I played lots of new releases. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website or on the Self Help Radio website.

Sunday January 18th on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY I played songs about x-rays because of some anniversary involving x-rays. It was just an excuse to play songs about x-rays on a station called XRAY. You can listen to that show on the XRAY website or on the Self Help Radio website.

Monday January 20th on Self Help Radio on KBOO I played lots of my favorite music from 1990. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website or on the Self Help Radio website.

Also Monday January 20th on Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO I played lots more new releases. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio) or on the Self Help Radio website.

Remember! Username SHR password selfhelp! It may come in handy!

Seriously though, I hope that cover upset HW Bush. He was such a dumb douchenozzle.

Self Help Radio 012026: 1990

(images found at Discogs)

The time in that book when Proust ate a cookie & it made him remember his life? If that book were about me, it would be me hearing a song & its associations carrying me into the past. I have memories related to so many of the releases I played on this show. I guess the songs themselves become memories. & maybe they become over time as untrustworthy as memories.

Anyway. Here's this week's show, my birthday show, my favorite music from 1990. Some of it, anyway. There was way too much. You might know a little more about me knowing these are things I love. More than likely though if we both like them, we'll know we might have more in common.

You can listen to the show at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. At the latter, you may need a username+password to access. Try SHR + selfhelp. Everything I played on the show is listed below. Everything I said on the show, well, you have to listen for that.

Today I start year 58!

Self Help Radio 1990 Show

"Spoken Word" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _More Bad Times_

"Down To The Well" Pixies _Bossanova_

"Oh!" The Breeders _Pod_

"Diane (Excerpt)" Kyle MacLachlan _"Diane..." The Twin Peaks Tapes Of Agent Cooper_1990 cassette)

"Morality Is Vanity" Momus _Monsters Of Love: Singles 1985-90_

"The Weeping Song" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _The Good Son_

"November Spawned A Monster" Morrissey _November Spawned A Monster_

"Never Enough" The Cure _Never Enough_

"My Finest Hour" The Sundays _Reading, Writing, & Arithmetic_

"Crawl" The Wedding Present _3 Songs_

"Do You Have To Break My Heart" The Darling Buds _Crawdaddy_

"Don't Ask Why" My Bloody Valentine _Glider_

"I Fell In Love Last Night" Heavenly _I Fell In Love Last Night_

"Forever Changed" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_

"One Word" Brian Eno & John Cale _Wrong Way Up_

"Telephone Thing" The Fall _Extricate_

"Out Of My Mind On Dope & Speed" Julian Cope _Skellington_

"Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)" The Siddeleys _Alvin Lives (In Leeds): Anti Poll Tax Trax_

"No Blue Skies" Lloyd Cole _Lloyd Cole_

"Baby Stones" Robert Forster _Danger In The Past_

"Beatles & The Stones" The House Of Love _The House Of Love_

"Fifty-Fifty Clown" Cocteau Twins _Heaven Or Las Vegas_

"Miss Otis Regrets/Just One Of Those Things" Kirsty MacColl & The Pogues _Red Hot + Blue_

"Sweet Jane" The Blue Aeroplanes _World View Blue_

"De-Luxe" Lush _Mad Love EP_

"She's On Drugs" The Jazz Butcher _Cult Of The Basement_

Whither 1990?

a self-portrait from 1990

On my birthdays I play my favorite music from a year in my life. On the first episode of Self Help Radio that aired around the time of my birthday, I played music from the year I was born, 1968. That was in 2003. I have made it up to 1990.

Like last year, I have found so much music from that year that I love. I will undoubtedly fill up some other shows on KBOO's schedule late at night playing that leftover music. For tonight's show, I am playing music I loved in 1990 as it happened - mostly. There are a few artists that became important to me later whose work of that year means a great deal to me now. But the vast majority of the music I'll play tonight you would have found me listening to in 1990, when I was a mere 22 years old.

Music has always been important to me. It's how I process my feelings. It connects me to more memories than anything - except maybe trauma. It has been & remains my salvation. Since I was in a relationship in 1990 (albeit a one-sided one), that was the first time in my life that music took a back seat in my head & my heart. I didn't have ready access to my music either, for reasons I explained yesterday. & my "girlfriend" didn't like some of the music I liked, & was unhappy if I played it around her - so of course I didn't play it around her.

It's not that I'm saying I didn't need music in the same way as I had previously - I just didn't think I needed music in the same way as I had previously. It's a mistake that perhaps many people make. When that relationship came to its inevitable tragic end, music was there for me. In many ways, it was all I had. But that wouldn't happen until the end of 1991, so we'll save that for next year.

Please enjoy a selection of music that I truly, madly, deeply love which was released in 1990. That's tonight, midnight to 2am, on KBOO - 90.7 fm here in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere.

& by the way, this is only the third time I've had one of these birthday shows on my actual birthday!

Preface To 1990: My Twenty-Second Year

what I looked like in 1990

On January 20, 1990, I turned 22 years old. I should have been right about to graduate college*, but because of various things - some of which I detailed on this blog around this time last year - I had decided to take a semester off. I had gotten a twenty-hour-a-week gig at a department at the University of Texas called originally the Language Lab, but now called Liberal Arts Media Center** & would also work, when school was on, in the actual Language Lab nineteen hours a week. It was enough to live on, & I needed a rest from the hellish last six months of 1989. Again, detailed in the post linked above.

At the time, it seemed to me I had a good relationship with a woman who, time would tell, didn't really love me & perhaps never even liked me. But we spent all of our time together so codependence helped me delude myself & - importantly for the relationship - kept her around. We spent all our time together. Her parents had not allowed her to date me - though she was in college - so we weren't allowed to live together, though we basically did. I believe in the summer of 1990 she found a new place to live, & I found a room in a duplex. Since I don't want to repeat myself I'll just say I wrote about that in this blog post here. Since we lived together anyway, I gave up the rented room, & had to live for the next year & a half in a place where I couldn't keep much of my stuff & couldn't answer the phone. The things you do for one-sided love!

Thinking about that time now I note that I didn't have many friends & the people who were in my life then are either absent or peripheral to my life now. (It's really just five or six people.) I did my best to help my "girlfriend" with her schoolwork - I really would do anything for her - & I pretended that I would one day be a writer. I wrote lots of short stories, none of which were any good - & I knew that then. I didn't take any creative writing classes & I never showed them to anyone because I knew they weren't any good. I myself didn't like them.

Hunh. I don't think I've ever admitted that to myself before. I myself didn't like the things I wrote. Maybe I kept writing because I wanted to somehow prove to myself it wasn't true. You might ask when did I stop writing, & I answer is, radio. I stopped wanting to be a writer when I could be somewhat creative on the radio. But - should I have said "spoiler alert" earlier? - but spoiler alert again, that wouldn't happen for four more years.

As for my memories of other parts of my life - I'm sure I talked to my mother from time-to-time. I definitely visited my hometown of Garland once or twice a year - probably on holidays. My mother had worked at a convenience store owned by a man who I guess was her boyfriend but when they sold the store, they sort of broke up - it's a long story & if I haven't told it here, I may one day. She moved into a little one-bedroom apartment - where she would live for tweny-five years - & got a job doing food prep at a Jack In The Box. When I came home, she gave me frozen jalapeño poppers she'd stolen from the fast food place. I saw my siblings around this time but we weren't close. I often didn't have money so didn't get them presents for Christmas & usually didn't want the presents they gave me. That I have no memories of Garland or my family from that year suggests that I didn't think much of them.

Sometime a while back I was looking at some lists of bands who visited Austin in the early 90s & I was amazed how much I had missed. Much of this had to do with money & some of it had to do with my "girlfriend," who could be very unpleasant about seeing shows with bands/musicians she didn't like. I was very excited to see Lloyd Cole, for example, at this lovely venue called Liberty Lunch which doesn't exist today, but when we got there, she decided she didn't like the music. "Why would you bring me to this place?" she asked me, & made us leave***. In any event, I don't think I saw a lot of bands that year.

As to my relationship with music in 1990, it was still deeply important to me, but somewhat sidelined by my relationship, which took up a lot of my energy & attention. I'll have some thoughts about that tomorrow. I did return to school for the fall semester 1990, but have very little memory of my schooling then.

What I can say is, that if you had met me that year, it would have seemed like I was in a good & stable  relationship & was somewhat happy. I'm not good at happy, but I was in love & I was willing to do anything for the one I loved. I was the same with friends. I was helpful because I loved to help. But holy shit looking back now I can't believe I was ever so young. I was so young & I had read so much & learned so much & heard so much music & yet was so very fucking dumb.

Seriously, I am amazed I didn't just fall down a hole & somehow die of a stubbed toe or something.

* You know what I missed by not graduating with my 1990 class? George HW Bush gave the commencement speech. Maybe that's when my life started to go wrong.

** When joking about this name with my co-workers, I admitted I was sad they hadn't decided on the Center for Liberal Arts Media, so we could call the place The CLAM. As it was, they pronounced the acronym "lam-see."

*** I can't find the date for this show on any website but I did discover he returned in 1995 & for some strange reason I didn't see him then. I wonder what stopped me that time?

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: X-Rays

(x-ray of a radio found here)

On January 18, 1896, a professor in North Carolina, HL Smith, displayed the x-ray machine for the first time. He didn't invent it. He didn't discover x-rays. He didn't have much to do at all with the science. But he showed it to the world for the first time.

We will therefore use this opportunity to talk about & play musical reports about x-rays on The Dickenbock Report. Which is on a station called XRAY FM. Is the news allowed to be this meta?

Listen tomorrow, Sunday, January 18, from noon to 1pm on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

Fun fact: Dick Dickenbock continually proposes that XRAY change its slogan to "We can see right through you." He is continually told to sit down & shut up.

This Week In Self Help January 11 + 13

Though lemonade is technically a juice, I didn't play songs about lemonade on my juice show. So I couldn't use this awesome pic I took at some KNON Blues Fest thing a decade or so ago. Until now!

This week I did this radio here:

Sunday January 11. The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM. It was Step In A Puddle & Splash Your Friends Day. So I played songs about puddles. Of course. Listen at XRAY FM. Listen at Self Help Radio.

Tuesday January 13. Self Help Radio on KBOO. The theme was juice. Listen at KBOO. Listen at Self Help Radio.

Tuesday January 13. Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO. An hour of songs by artists we lost in late July/early August of last year. Listen at KBOO (after Self Help Radio). Listen at Self Help Radio.

In case you need: username SHR, password selfhelp.

Damn it, now I'm craving juice again. & maybe some hot & zesty nachos as well.

Self Help Radio 011326: Juice

(image manipulated see note*)

Yikes the juice show was fraught with error! The internet seemed to go out at some point during the show & tho I record my show from home as a back-up to the station's recording, there was a portion of an airbreak missing, which I had to recreate this morning. It's pretty awkward. I'm sure you'll know which one.

But otherwise the show was delicious I thought. Lots of songs, mostly about fruit juices, plus the requisite silly interviews of a juicy nature. I have fun putting together all my shows but I had a lot of fun with this one.

You can listen to the show now & whenever (maybe while sipping juice?) at either the KBOO website or the Self Help Radio website. The latter may ask you for the username SHR & the password selfhelp. Now you know. Everything that happened on the show is noted below.

Enjoy responsibly.

Self Help Radio Juice Show

"White Port & Lemon Juice" The Bel-Aires _The Best Of Flip Records Vol. 2 Death Of An Angel_

"Juice, Juice, Juice" Amos Milburn _Vicious Vicious Vodka_

"Tomato Juice" The Cardinals _Tomato Juice_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"The Juice Of The Barley" The Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem _In Person At Carnegie Hall_

"Frozen Orange Juice" Peter Sarstedt _The Very Best Of Peter Sarstedt_

"Pulp" National Lampoon _That's Not Funny, That's Sick_

"Red Apple Juice" Ralph McTell _Streets_

"Grapefruit Juice Blues" Michael Hurley _Snockgrass_

interview with juiceterian Jules Francis

"Grape Juice Plus" The Cupid Car Club _Join Our Club..._

"Carrot Juice Is Murder" The Arrogant Worms _Russell's Shorts_

"Chocolate, Lime Juice" Lata Mangeshkar _Hum Aapke Hain Koun..!_

"Gin & Juice" Sissy Bar _Statutory Grape_

"Grapefruit Juice" Love Love Straw _Dream All Day_

interview with reporter/historian Ted Charles

"Orange Juice" Stanley Brinks & The Wave Pictures _Orange Juice_

"Apple Juice" Penelope Isles _Comfortably Swell_

"Orange Juice" Rose Kemp _A Hand Full Of Hurricanes_

"Orange Juice & Velvet Underwear" Intersystems _Number One_

"Juicebox Baby" The Regrettes _Feel Your Feelings Fool!_

interview with exposé writer Clint Speck

"Carrot Juice" Vegetable Spectacle _Frog Lady_

"Orange Juice" Martha _Love Keeps Kicking_

"Fruit Flavored Teas" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

"Orange Juice" Pop Crimes _Gathered Together_

"Lemon Juice" Dear Misses _Cool Down Under_

conclusion & goodbye

"Skunk Juice" The Panzant Brothers _SuperFunk_

"Apple Juice" Hannibal Buress _Animal Furnace_

"Drinking Carrot Juice" Cowboy Jack Clement _Guess Things Happen That Way_

"Orange Juice Star" Raggedy Ann _Periscope: Another Yoyo Compilation_

"Orange Juice" Bellows _Fist & Palm_

* I took a photo of the label of a bottle of Lakewood Organic Lemon Juice & manipulated it in my clumsy way for this week's image. I hope they don't mind. Here is their website.

Whither Juice?

(image from here)

To explain why the theme of this week's show is fruit, I need to tell you a bit about how awkward I can be when it comes to entertaining guests at my home. A couple of Thanksgivings ago, my wife invited a colleague & her husband to our house for Thanksgiving. I think we had also invited our favorite neighbor couple. I was all right with the menu, I knew what I wanted to cook, but when the time came for drinks, I was at a loss. We asked them what they wanted to drink & they seemed cool with whatever. But what whatever? I drink soda, my wife drinks water. What do other people drink?

Pondering this, I found myself at Costco looking at juices. As you know, you can't buy anything small at Costco, & so I ended up buying two giant containers each of two different kinds of juices. My wife was a bit irritated. "Who is going to drink that?" she asked. Neither of us really drinks juice, you see. I said, "Our Thanksgiving guests." She said, "They won't drink that."

We had the juice out for Thanksgiving but no one wanted any. I think I drank some of the apple juice but that left three giant containers. Which we kept in the garage. They were giant. We don't have a huge refrigerator.

This last Thanksgiving I noticed them. I can't remember if they were expired or not. I should probably check. I knew no one in the house wanted them. But it occurred to me that juice would be a really good theme for a show. & after many weeks, the juice will be freshly squeezed tonight.

That was a long dumb story but it's really how I came up with the theme. I should've probably just said I was having some juice & been done with it.

In any event, that's what's happening on Self Help Radio tonight, midnight to 2am, on KBOO - 90.7fm in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere. If some of the juice in the garage is still good, I'll take it up to the station with me & drink it all during the show. It'll be a like a cleanse!

Preface To Juice: A Photo I Took

Taken in my neighborhood sometime last year. Nothing to do with juice. Just seemed appropriate for the right now.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Step In A Puddle & Splash Your Friends Day

January 11 is Step In A Puddle & Splash Your Friends Day. That's what we're reporting on on The Dickenbock Report. Though the weather is not forecasting rain. You'd think, hey, it's Portland in the winter, there's got to be a puddle somewhere. But maybe not on this Step In A Puddle & Splash Your Friends Day. Perhaps we'll report on what to do on Step In A Puddle & Splash Your Friends Day when you don't have any available puddles. That might be a good side report!

We're still working on the show up to airtime! Which is noon tomorrow, Sunday, & the show lasts till 1pm. It'll air on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland & online everywhere - perhaps places with more puddles - at xray dot fm.

Wear your galoshes in any event.

This Week In Self Help: January 2 4 + 6

(image found here)

Yikes, I almost forgot to continue sharing my radio show stuff into the new year. It's just that it has felt like we've experienced several years in the year's first nine days. I am so tired. But I started pretty early with radio shiz this year. Like so:

January 2 on XRAY I subbed a show. Just music & stuff. Listen at the XRAY website. Listen at the Self Help Radio website.

January 4 on XRAY The Dickenbock Report reported on World Hypnosis Day. Listen at the XRAY website. Listen at the Self Help Radio website.

January 6 on KBOO Self Help Radio explored the theme puppets. Listen at the KBOO website. Listen at the Self Help Radio website.

January 6 on KBOO Corporate Standardized Programming played lots of new releases. Listen at the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Listen at the Self Help Radio website.

Remember! Username SHR password selfhelp if you need it at the Self Help Radio website.

That is all.

Self Help Radio 010626: Puppets

Okay, so, I had this idea of making a Self Help Radio sock puppet but I ran into a couple of snags. The first was I don't have any white socks, & so had to rummage through my wife's socks, most of which barely fit on my fist - what is it with tiny socks anyway? I managed to find a small white sock & took a picture & then I discovered the second snag - it's not a sock puppet without your fist making the mouth put the Self Help Radio bear has a speaker for a mouth. I didn't grapple with the problem to find a solution. I just said to hell with it. Here's your graphic. I never claimed to be artistic.

Though not a puppet show, the puppets show had plenty of puppets, including Muppets, & many metaphorical puppets too. I talked to a puppet! Perhaps you're a puppet fan, perhaps this will be just up your alley.

Listen to the show now or when you have a puppet party at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. If you're using the latter, you might need the username SHR & password selfhelp. In any event, almost everything that happened on the show is listed below.

This show could've used a Statler & Waldorf tho.

Self Help Radio Puppets Show

"It's A Puppet Show" The Telephone Company _The King's Surprise_

"Puppetry" Raylee Forest _My World EP_

"Puppetry" Raul Danks & Jon Taylor _There's A Dream I've Been Saving: Lee Hazlewood Industries 1966-1971_

"Puppet On A String" The Detroit Cobras _Tied & True_

introduction & definitions

"The Young New Mexican Puppeteer" Tom Jones _Close Up_

"I'm Your Puppet" Dionne Warwick _Soulful_

"Popo The Puppet" Danny Kaye _Danny Kaye For Children_

"Puppet Girl" Wendy James _Now Ain't The Time For Your Tears_

"Puppet Boy" Devo _Shout_

interview with Wally the puppet

"Puppet Man" The 5th Dimension _The Very Best Of The 5th Dimension_

"Puppet On A String" Little Lisa _The Complete Motown Singles | Vol. 5: 1965_

"Welcome To The Muppet Show Fan Club" The Muppets _The Muppet Show Fan Club_

"Puppet Master" Marissa Nadler _Marissa Nadler_

"Puppeteer's Son" Jacobites _Heart Of Hearts (The Spanish Album)_

interview with writer Jack Forster

"The Puppet Motel" Laurie Anderson _Bright Red_

"The Puppet" Echo & The Bunnymen _Songs To Learn & Sing_

"Puppet Museum" Sassyhiya _Take You Somewhere_

"The Puppet Lady" Chris Garcia _Laughing & Crying At The Same Time_

"Puppets" Atmosphere _When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold_

interview with Portland Puppet Inspector Harrison Thompson

"Puppet" The Clinger Sisters _Havin' A Good Time_

"Puppet On A Chain" 100% Pure Poison _Coming Right At You_

"Puppet Of Wax, Puppet Of Song (feat. Xanthe Waite)" Mick Harvey _Intoxicated Women_

"Puppet" Lisa Germano _Inconsiderate Bitch_

"Muppet" Grasscut _1 Inch / 1/2 Mile_

conclusion & goodbye

"Dance Puppet Dance" Little Pattie _20 Stompie Wompie Hits_

"Mr. Cupid's Puppet Show" The Winnerys _Daily Urban Times_

"Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head" They Might Be Giants _They Might Be Giants_

"My Puppet Pal" Tiger _We Are Puppets_