Whither Bad Boys & Bad Girls?

(Image from Wikipedia)

Just so you know - I've been writing in this dumb blog about my radio show(s) since 2006. Almost 20 years. It was on September 13, 2006, I explained why I was making a radio show about the theme sugar. (You can read it here if you want.) I really thought that I would know why I picked every theme & even supposed - quite naively - that there might be an interesting story about it, too. If you have spent any time on this blog, you will know that that supposition was wrong, wrong, wrong.

My memory is not what it is, if it ever was. I will forget things that happened this morning as a matter of course. & I have made a radio show a week, usually based on a unique theme, for nearly 24 years now. How in the world am I supposed to remember why I did something, chose something, planned something?

Now you might be thinking - oh this is where Gary turns the tables on us & says "But not this time!" Because he's always making excuses about how he doesn't know where his ideas come from. But alas! That's giving me too much credit.

About three months ago, I wrote down "bad boys" on a list. Then added "bad girls." Then wrote "boys singing about bad girls/girls singing about bad boys?" It appears it was some kind of exercise. Why? Who knows. Maybe I heard a song. Maybe I thought about the show "Cops."

All that I can say is that the theme of Self Help Radio tonight on KBOO is "bad boys & bad girls." Howsoever it found its way into my head & soon out into the Portland airwaves. You can listen to it from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm here in Portland or online at kboo dot fm.

Be a good boy &/or good girl & tune in, would you please?

Preface To Bad Boys & Bad Girls: Of Course I Wasn't A Bad Boy

There's a very good reason I was never a bad boy tho I could have turned out worse. I shoplifted. I wasn't always truthful. I recently confessed on this blog to having a short-lived infatuation with setting things on fire. & I was never really watched as a kid. I knew some boys who almost certainly had run-ins with the law & possibly even ended up with criminal records. I certainly knew people my age who were doing drugs & drinking & who may well have developed lifelong problems with that. I grew up very poor, mostly unsupervised, with lots of time on my hands & much of it alone. Why didn't I fall in with a bad crowd? Why didn't I take the step into the world of the "bad boy"?

One word: fear.

Now I can't tell you if I am naturally fearful. What I can tell you is that my mother almost certainly was. She was terrified of the world. Like she lived in the Australian outback where everything is poisonous. & she imparted that fear onto me & my siblings. Two of my older brothers were far more interested in drugs than I was, & I have heard some interesting stories of drug use & big parties that I would never have taken part in - but for some reason, they never ended up in jail, never had a criminal record. I think it was my mother's fear transferred to them.

Listen: I grew up with kids that happily left the apartment complexes we lived in & wandered far & wide, getting into all sort of mischief. Why didn't I do that - or my little brother, who was often my companion in my childhood? Because our mother told us there were dangers out there - you know, across the street. A block over. Where terrible shit happens.

She wouldn't let us go into public restrooms alone until we were probably ten or eleven years old. We had to go with her in the women's restroom which was embarrassing. Why? Because, she said, there was a man in the men's restroom with a knife who would cut your thing off. & I would think - why are they letting that guy do that? It seemed even to a seven-year-old to be bad for business.

How she imparted that fear seems to me to be through repetition. My mother would talk all the time. & as a little boy, sitting with her, I must've heard the same horror stories told in different variations over & over all through my childhood. To this day I hear her voice in situations where I might be alone or I might be experiencing something stressful & unfamiliar. I have to talk her down or I won't do the thing that I really, really want to do.

A few years ago, during the pandemic, my wife was jazzercising in the garage, & the song she was playing repeated the phrase "shake what your momma gave you" or something like that. & all I could think was, "I wish I could shake the crippling fear of the world my momma gave me."

& that's why I was never a bad boy.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Dandelion Day

April 5 is National Dandelion Day. Dick Dickenbock loves dandelions, & secretly believes in their wish-granting powers. Too many of the Report's staff & crew have discovered him in a field of flowers wishing to be back on network news shows. One wish he made - "If I can't be back on CBS News then CBS News shouldn't be allowed to exist!" - seems to be coming true. Dandelion wishes may be granted over a longer period of time than previous thought. In any event, Dick Dickenbock loves dandelions, so that's what we're reporting on tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow! Sunday April 5. From noon to 1pm. On XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere. Dick Dickenbock has a dandelion & he is now wishing you would tune in. So maybe you better?

This Week In Self Help: March 29 + 31 (plus a bonus show)

Sorry I don't have a better picture for this week's recap of my radio blunders. It's a doorway with an ornate - would you call it a gate? it's not a screen - that I liked that I saw in San Francisco back in October. It has nothing to do with the radio I made this week, which went like this:

Sunday March 29. The Dickenbock Report on XRAY. It was Mermaid Day. You can listen to the show on the XRAY website. Listeners sent me images of mermaids!

Tuesday March 31. Self Help Radio on KBOO. A continuation of the celebration of The Rev Dr Howard Gently. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website. Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Tuesday March 31. Corporate Standardized Progamming on KBOO. Music by artists we lost in November 2025. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Finally, I made an "evergreen" for Freeform Portland (to be played randomly whenever there was nothing scheduled) called The Freeform Alphabet. You can see the playlist when it played Friday morning on Spinitron. You can listen to it there for the next couple of week or you can listen to it here. I'll put the playlist up on the Self Help Radio website next week.

That's it. Whew.

Self Help Radio 033126: Howard Gently Forever

Very nice to spend another two hours with an old friend. I'm not so old that I've lost too many people but I do sometimes wish I had hours of recorded conversations with them to revisit. Memory is too faulty.

The good news is that this isn't the last of the series! So please enjoy my friend Russell being funny as my spiritual mentor The Rev Dr Howard Gently. Most of these I haven't listened to since the show aired - I laughed out loud so many times hearing them again.

You can listen to Howard Gently Forever either at the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. The show is mostly improvised silliness. But the details are below.

As someone texted me during the show: Long live Dr Howard Gently!

Self Help Radio Howard Gently Forever

"Sad Brown Eyes" Russell Miles _Sad Brown Eyes_

Howard Gently on the theme "Christmas 2018"

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" Paul Simon _Still Crazy After All These Years_

Howard Gently on the theme "Fifty"

"In Doubt" Peter Gabriel _Passion (Music For The Last Temptation Of Christ)_

"Sense Of Doubt" David Bowie _Heroes_

Howard Gently on the theme "Doubt"

"Voices Inside My Head" The Police _Zenyatta Mondatta_

Howard Gently on the theme "Voices"

"She Floated Away" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_

Howard Gently on the theme "Floating"

"I'll Begin Again" Sammy Davis Jr. _Now_

Howard Gently on the theme "Start Anew"

"Wishing The Days Away" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_

Howard Gently on the theme "Wishes"

"The Thunder, Perfect Mind" Willis Barnstone, Marvin Meyer, & Nancy Lesniewksi _The Gnostic Bible_

Howard Gently on the theme "Thunder"

"I'm Using My Bible For A Road Map" Porter Wagoner & The Blackwood Brothers Quartet _The Grand Old Gospel_

Howard Gently on the theme "Maps"

"Personal Jesus" Johnny Cash _American IV: The Man Comes Around_

Howard Gently on the theme "Personal"

"Can't Keep It In" Cat Stevens _Catch Bull At Four_

Howard Gently on the theme "Keep It"

"An Empty Cup" Roy Orbison & The Teen Kings _Orbison 1955-1965_

Howard Gently on the theme "Cups"

Whither Howard Gently Forever?

That picture there is from a retirement community in east Portland which has nothing to do with this show but the show this week is about my friend Russell & almost certainly I took that picture to send to him. It was in May 2020. I don't recall if I ever did. I hope I did. I hope he was amused & sent a very funny response.

This week's show continues my celebration of Russell as The Rev Dr Howard Gently, a character he played on my show from 2014 until 2022. Russell died three years ago & I miss him terribly. I am so frickin grateful I have hours of him improvising hilarious & ridiculous bits for the show, & have been sharing them in chronological order. We have come to the pandemic era, when Self Help Radio started to air in Portland.

It's two hours of Dr Gently tonight midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere. Prepare to be blessed.

Preface To Howard Gently Forever: Fear Of A Second End

That picture was taken on a trip to Chicago in May 2018. My friend Russell was alive & well then & I probably meant to share it with him. I have no idea if I did.

My friend Russell died almost three years ago. Since his death I have been playing in chronological order his appearances as Howard Gently on Self Help Radio. He improvised the role of my spiritual mentor. Lucky for me, he did it over a hundred times. Unlucky for me, eventually I will arrive at his last appearance on the show.

Probably I don't need to tell you I am dreading that. I thought we were coming close. Russell did not appear as Howard Gently on many episodes of Self Help Radio in 2018. Since I do my dumb radio show weekly, I don't really remember lots of the details of the shows I've done. But I have glanced ahead - & luckily this week's show won't be the last Howard Gently show. I am relieved by that.

Because as grateful as I am that he left us - he left me - with so many hours of his brilliance, when I come to the end of that, it may feel like I am losing him all over again. & I don't want to feel that way.

But like I said! That won't be this week! But having his voice in my head makes me miss him so much. Such a smart, funny person. You really don't get so many of those personally in your life, do you.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Mermaid Day

(image found here)

March 29 is Mermaid Day. Dick Dickenbock thinks mermaids are real. He claims to have dated one in college. But he's probably thinking about the mermaid Superman dated in college. Anyway, he's excited there's a Mermaid Day. He hopes she might be listening. He's been pining for her.

We hope you'll listen to. Tomorrow, Sunday, from noon to 1pm, on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

Everywhere? Even under the sea? Dick Dickenbock sure hopes so!

This Week In Self Help: March 20 22 + 24

This is what the past seven days (not counting today) looked like if you looked at me on the radio:

March 20 on The Songcircle on KBOO, I celebrated Women's History Month with lots of women making history - all new releases by women artists! You can listen to the show on the KBOO website.

March 22 on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY, I reported on Daffodil Day. You can listen to the show on the XRAY website.

March 24 on Self Help Radio on KBOO, I explored the theme embers. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website. Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

March 24 on Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I played a lot of new releases. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

The picture above is a sunset I took in Kentucky in 2014. But it kinda looks like embers, doesn't it? If you squint, maybe? Maybe?

Self Help Radio 032426: Embers

Because I was "on vacation" last week - I followed my wife to a conference & bummed around while she did work - I knew I'd have no guests for this week's show. So there are no guests on this week's Self Help Radio. In this way, the show resembles Self Help Radio as it existed pre-2014: just me talking about the theme in-between the songs.

Of course then as now the songs are the important part of the show. So listen for the songs, but stay if you must to hear whether the theme is in the bible or to hear me read a Gerard Manley Hopkins poem.

Where can you listen? At the KBOO website, & at the Self Help Radio website. What happens on the show is listed below.

Hopefully I can relight the program next week!

Self Help Radio Embers Show

"Burning Embers" Lou Reed _The Raven_

"Ember" Alastair Galbraith _Mirrorwork_

"Embers" Skinny Lister _A Matter Of Life & Love_

introduction & definitions

"Dying Embers" The Dream Syndicate _Out Of The Grey_

"City Of Embers" Mercyland _Mercyland_

"Burning Embers" The Manhattan Love Suicides _More Heat! More Panic!_

"Embers" The Orielles _Only You Left_

"Ashes & Embers" The Casket Girls _True Love Kills The Fairy Tale_

more about embers

"Embers Glow" Jane Fielding with The Kenny Drew Quintet _Embers Glow_

"Dying Ember" Sarah Jarosz _Polaroid Lovers_

"Embers" Lily & Madeleine _Nite Swim_

"Ember Age" Sound Of Ceres _Nostalgia For Infinity_

"Garden Of Embers" Karavan Sarai _Torn In Love_

is the theme in the bible?

"Staring At The Embers" Tim Finn _Escapade_

"Ember Days" The Proctors _Everlasting Light_

"Embers" The Orange Peels _Begin The Begone_

"Embers" Tunng _Turbines_

"Ember" Lubec _PDX Pop Now! 2017_

poetry!

"Ember In The Ash" Blank Range _Marooned With The Treasure_

"The Embers" Vagabon _Infinite Worlds_

"Blue Embers" The Head & The Heart _Aperture_

"Ember Days" The Lemon Twigs _A Dream Is All We Know_

"Head Embers" Thundertree _Thundertree_

conclusion & goodbye

"Ember" Dirty Three _Cinder_

"English Embers" Contrastate _Recorded Evidence II_

"The Re-Entry Of Embers" Venusian Motel Guests _All Was Carbon_

Whither Embers?

(image found here)

Fire is kinda weird, isn't it? I remember just staring at it as a kid, thinking, this shit is weird. & it was unsafe - it burned you! But it was everywhere! People would use it to light their cigarettes. We didn't have a gas stove but if you turned the elements on on the electric stove & just touched a piece of paper to one of them, wow! the paper would catch fire.

& yes, I too had a fling with fire when I was a kid. I would steal matches & take things to burn & hide behind the bushes of a nearby church & set them on fire. There was space between the bushes & the brick walls of the church. It was very private. I can't remember all I burned but I did ruin a couple of my Star Wars action figures. I never wanted the fire to get too big - I liked the feeling of control - so I never wanted to expand my actions to larger venues. Like most other things, I wasn't very good at pyromania. & it passed soon enough - though I never got caught, I thought my mother would be very mad at me if I was caught burning things near a church.

This happened sometime around my ninth, tenth, or eleventh year. It's a testimony to how often I was left alone - & what I might have been able to get up to if I'd had a more destructive imagination. As it stood, some flammable things went missing, along with a lighter & some matches, & no one knew I had done it. Not even my little brother, who was often hanging around in my childhood. Again, it never developed into an obsession & once I was satisfied I had reached the limits of what I could set on fire in my little world, I never spent much time burning things after that. I think I knew if I invited other people shit could get out of control!

This story of my dull childhood must suffice for today's post because I have no idea why I chose the theme "embers" for this week's show. I knew I'd be doing a show after a week of vacation & I knew I wouldn't have time for interviews, so maybe I thought I couldn't find "experts" to talk about embers. I couldn't say. What I could say is that I had a brief fling with a moderate pyromania at a young age & I must have felt some mild satisfaction as the fires burned down to their embers.

Hey! Self Help Radio has the theme "embers"! Tonight on KBOO! 90.7fm in town kboo dot fm everywhere! Be careful! It's still hot!

Preface To Embers: My Computer Tells Me

That photo was taken in March, 2019, on our visit to Portland to look for somewhere to live once we knew my wife had gotten the job here. Tonight - almost exactly seven years later - I was looking for images of "embers" to share & maybe write something dumb about them - since they're this week's theme - & my computer gave me this picture when I searched the term.

Which confused me. Does the weird hood of that weird car look like embers? Is there some fire damage or something in the photo? What the hell does that picture have to do with embers? Then I noticed:

The old car's owners supported Oregon Public Broadcasting. I guess the computer confused "member" for "ember."

Oh damn it just occurred to me, I had so much fun trying to figure out why the computer thought the image had anything to do with embers that I forgot you might have enjoyed it, too. A kind of Where's Waldo? sort of thing. But I ruined it. Dang.

It has become impressive tho hasn't it that our computers find words in our images? I am almost as impressed as I am frightened!

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Daffodil Day

Sunday, March 22 is Daffodil Day. Yes, we at the Dickenbock Report know that it's using the flower as a symbol to raise funds & awareness for cancer treatment & research, but Portland has daffodils wherever one looks at the moment & Dick Dickenbock wants us to play musical reports about daffodils & talk about daffodils & by god it's his show so it will be a show about daffodils (though we will of course talk about the day).

Tomorrow. From noon to 1pm. On XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help: March 15 + 17

Get it? It's a jar of jelly with a can of fish! Jellyfish! What a hilarious person I am.

This week's shows were somewhat rushed because I left for a short vacation on Tuesday. Now I'm back. Here's what happened before I left.

Sunday March 15 The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM. True Confessions Day. I say it is true that you can listen to the show on the XRAY website.

Tuesday March 17 Self Help Radio on KBOO was about jellyfish. Listen on the KBOO website or on the Self Help Radio website.

Tuesday March 17 Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO I played more artists we lost last year, this time in October & December. Listen on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio) or on the Self Help Radio website. (The last song cuts off on the KBOO website; I include all of it on the Self Help Radio website.) (Just FYI.)

That was that. Sorry you didn't appreciate my photo rebus!

Self Help Radio 031726: Jellyfish

(original image by Marek Ślusarczyk found here*)

Hey! Here's the jellyfish show! I am taking some time off so I have nothing to add except I had too much fun finding all the songs & talking to my goofball collaborators about jellyfish nonsense.

Listen to the show either at the Self Help Radio web page or at the KBOO web page. The stuff that happened on the show is below.

Holy moley did you know some people keep jellyfish as pets? That's more weird to me than eating them! Which some people totally do. Because people are screwed up!

Self Help Radio Jellyfish Show

"Jellyfish" Catbath _Nervous Breakthroughs_

"The Jellyfish Song" Neil Sedaka _Oh Carol: The Complete Recordings 1956-1966_

"Jellyfish Jones" Caspar Babypants _Away We Go!_

introduction & definitions

"Jellyfish" Carrie Higgins _Life Circles_

"Jellyfish" Punishment Of Luxury _Laughing Academy_

"Jellyfish" Red Go-Cart _Jellyfish_

"Jellyfish" Andrea Gibson _Flower Boy_

"Jellyfish Population" Soup Review _Beneath The Big White Moon_

interview with chef Thomas Mare

"The Jellyfish" The Sippy Cups _Electric Storyland_

"Jellyfish" Vashti Bunyan _Heartleap_

"The Jellyfish" Trauma Cat _Prepare To Apologize_

"Jellyfish Genes" Sprites _Starling, Spiders, Tiger, & Sprites_

"Superfast Jellyfish (feat. Gruff Rhys & De La Soul)" Gorillaz _Plastic Beach_

interview with audio ecologist Pierre O'Connor

"Monster Jellyfish" Shonen Knife _Free Time_

"Attack Of The Giant Jellyfish" Del Mar _After The Quake_

"Parachutes & Jellyfish" Robyn Hitchcock _I Wanna Go Backwards_

"A Smack Of Jellyfish" Christine Lavin _Drum School Dropout_

"Jellyfish" Om Shanti _We Are Home_

interview with sociologist Dr. Sidney Kennedy

"Jellyfish" JJ Burnell _Euroman Cometh_

"3 Blind Jellyfish" Scaffold _Thank U Very Much_ 

"Jellyfish Plays Jenga" Bunny Clogs _Whales Can't Whistle_

"Jellyfish" Paws _Cokefloat!_

"Southern Jellyfish" One Man 100% Bluez _Southern Jellyfish_

conclusion & goodbye

"Little Jellyfish" Chuck & Danny _Chuck & Danny_

"Peanut Butter & Jellyfish" James Kochalka Superstar _Monkey Vs. Robot_

"Jellyfish" Julian Smith _Jellyfish_

"Jellyfish (feat. Dither Craf)" Mushroom's Patience _Jellyfish_

"Jellyfish" Stereociti _Dialog_

* The image was modified by me to add the Self Help Radio logo. It's licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.