Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Self Help Radio 051424: Arrested


Something terrible happened to this week's Self Help Radio, & it's not just that the show happened & no one stopped it. The show did happen. I was there. But sadly there's no recorded evidence of it. My recording device failed to capture the show. The KBOO website failed to record the show. I assume the show as it aired is lost forever. But!

Because the fake interviews are prerecorded, & because I have a sense of the nonsense I spout on the air, I went ahead & rerecorded my airbreaks for the show & that's what you can listen to, should you want to listen, linked on the Self Help Radio & KBOO websites.

The show this week had the theme "arrested." Is there someone who might put out a warrant for my arrest due to my criminal carelessness & probably illegal stupidity? Gosh I hope not. But I should perhaps stop talking now & call my liar - I mean lawyer.

The show! Listen at the Self Help Radio website (remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp) or at the KBOO website (no passwords needed but you can't download the show). Lots of music + talk on the show - that's all listed below.

Oh no will I need a bail bondsman?!?

Self Help Radio Arrested Show
"Your Under Arrest (For Stealing My Heart)" Ray Price _The Honky Tonk Years (1950-1966)_
"You're Under Arrest" The Shirelles _The Collection_
"Arrest Me" Jamo Thomas _Popcorn's Detroit Soul Party_

introduction & definitions

"Advice On Arrest" The Desperate Bicycles _New Cross, New Cross_
"Arrested" Blouse _Imperium_
"The Under Arrest Joke" Mike Birbiglia _Thank God For Jokes_
"She Got Arrested" The Interrupters _Say It Out Loud_

interview with police offider Margaret Potter

"Under Arrest" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _No Help Coming_
"You're Under Arrest" S.W.A.T. _Deep Inside A Cop's Mind_
"Love Arrestor" Bobby Goldsboro _Honey_
"How High The Mountain (Ronnie's Theme)" David Cross & Bob Odenkirk _Mr. Show: The Complete Third Season_
"Arrested" The Accused _Messthetics # 103: DIY 77-81 Midlands I_

interview with fingerprinter Mark Parker

"Arrested For Driving While Blind" Z.Z. Top _Tejas_
"I Wanna Make An Arrest (Acoustic Demo)" Martha Wainwright _Come Home To Mama_
"Under Arrest" Debbie Harry _KooKoo_
"Citizen's Arrest" Wolf Colonel _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 1_
"Highway Patrol" Junior Brown _Guit With It_

interview with cop's son Matty Peterson

"You're Under Arrest" Serge Gainsbourg _You're Under Arrest_
"Under Arrest (feat. Young MC)" Sly & Robbie _Silent Assassin_
"You're Under Arrest" Benjamin Zephaniah _Rasta_

interview with author Milt Pullman

"Cordial Arrest" International Airport _You Don't Need Darkness To Do What You Think Is Right_
"House Arrest" Field Medic _Grow Your Hair Long If You're Wanting To See Something That You Can Change_
"Blah Blah Blah" Lenny Bruce _To Is A Preposition; Come Is A Verb_
"Finally I Can Get Arrested In This Town" Frenzal Rhomb _The Cup Of Pestilence_

conclusion & goodbye

"Can't Get Arrested" Lloyd Cole _Bad Vibes_

Monday, May 13, 2024

Whither Arrested?

(That time Kirk arrested Spock. Image from here.)

Why a radio show with the theme "arrested"? Was I recently arrested? Or someone I know? No. But I am about to confess to something that is almost as nerdy as that picture up there from TJ Hooker featuing Leonard Nimoy as the guest star. It's this: I am kinda obsessed with the show Criminal Minds. It's not because of the stories, which are absurd, but because the characters are superheroes. The minute they're called onto a case, they're going to solve it. A serial killer's been murdering people for 27 years & has never been caught? The team gets to town & they've caught him in a couple of days. That's amazing. I joke that they should assign them to older mysteries, like the Kennedy Assassination. They'd figure that out in a jiffy.

But I noticed one night - I watch about two episodes a week, time & whiskey permitting - there aren't a lot of arrests on the show. On Law & Order, you're guaranteed at least one arrest per episode. But more often than not, the criminal on Criminal Minds dies before getting their day in court.

It seems I found myself missing the process of arrest. So I decided to do a show featuring lots of arrests. & that's what's happening tonight.

Yes tonight! From midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland & online everywhere at kboo dot fm. In-between songs & interviews I'll be asking for her during our Spring Membership Drive. If you can help, please do so!

Sunday, May 12, 2024

Preface To Arrest: Proud To Have Never Been Arrested

(Comic by Glen Baxter)

It's a dumb thing to be proud of, not being arrested. I've been stopped by cops - when I was younger, they seemed to let me off with warnings more often than not - always in the case of speeding. But as I've aged, the most interactions I've had with law enforcement is speeding tickets. & maybe a little more when I worked at a Seven-Eleven, where they wanted free stuff - especially donuts.

& it's not that I'm proud of being a good boy. There have certainly been situations where I might have been in a lot of trouble if I'd been caught - especially stealing things. But I wasn't caught. Cops were never called. I never got arrested.

That being said, I've never really done anything that would've actually landed me in jail. Never drove drunk (more than once or twice). Never assaulted anyone. Never killed anyone. Never embezzled a large amount of money. & when, in the depths of the pandemic, I got caught running a light by a traffic cam, I paid the money to sit through a sixty-minute "education" seminar on Zoom in which the internet froze several times & the movies they tried to show were utterly ineffective. But the charge was expunged from my record!

& heck yeah I know people who've been arrested. It doesn't sound like fun. It's bad enough the government knows where I live & makes me pay all the taxes. Imagine if there were a box checked somewhere for "public indecency" because I urinated outdoors! I don't want that. Luckily I didn't do that.

So what the hell will I talk about on the show tomorrow? Ha ha! I won't be doing most of the talking. As usual! Despite what everyone thinks!

Saturday, May 11, 2024

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Hospital Day

(One of my absolute favorite moments from Community)

May 14 is National Hospitals Day. A good day to be in the hospital? No! It's never a good day to be in a hospital! People die there! But it is a good day to listen to the Dickenbock Report.

Join us tomorrow as we report on hospitals including a book report, oral reports, & of course musical reports. If we're lucky we won't get any long stories about Dick Dickenbock's time in hospitals. A person his age has spent a bit of time in the hospital. But how many stories about jello & mean nurses can one take?

Join us for our second afternoon show, Sunday, May 12, noon to 1pm, on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm & online at xray dot fm.

As always, consult your doctor if the Dickenbock Report makes you violently ill.

Friday, May 10, 2024

This Week In Self Help (May 5 + 7 2024)


People love unicorns in Portland. & why wouldn't they? Unicorns live here in the Pacific Northwest. I am only surprised that they don't have a regular radio show about them!

Of course, they were the theme on this week's Self Help Radio. Lots of unicorn songs & conversations. Did you miss it?  Well! Here's a direct link to the episode. As always, you will need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access.

If you'd rather listen to the show on the KBOO website, here is that link. No password needed.

The KBOO link also includes this week's episode of Corporate Standardized Programming (which follows Self Help Radio). On that show, I played lots of new releases. If you'd rather listen to it/download it from the Self Help Radio website, here is the link for that. Same username & password for Self Help Radio apply.

The Sunday before all that was The Dickenbock Report, a show about lemonade on National Lemonade Day. It was the show's debut at the Sunday noon timeslot. I have no idea how it went - you wanna listen & tell me? It is on the Self Help Radio web page linked here, or if you'd like you can listen at the XRAY web page.

Or wait - maybe not tell me. It probably went terribly. & I don't need to know that!

Thursday, May 09, 2024

Books & Movies About Unicorns

Hey! We had some great guests on this week's Self Help Radio, including our favorite librarian & our resident cinephile! Let me list for you for what the latter two shared on the show this week - which was about unicorns. Listen to that show at the Self Help Radio website or at the KBOO website - & then explore these links:

(all images from Good Reads)

Carole (our favorite librarian) talked about three books:

Unicorns 101 by Cale Atkinson
& Unicorn Thinks He's Pretty Great ( & its sequels) by Bob Shea

Read them all for more unicorn understanding & then visit the links by our resident cinephile Chuck.

(image from the IMDb)

(Chuck's links are more complicated than Carole's)


Gosh I hope there's a lot of unicorn enjoyment to be found here!

Tuesday, May 07, 2024

Self Help Radio 050724: Unicorns


How I hope this show was as magical as its subject! I'm a big unicorn fan from way back - I think maybe the first time I read about them in a creative way was in Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders Of Pern series. But you couldn't really avoid them - & they're so freaking cool.

Luckily my librarian friend Carole was around to talk about books about unicorns & our cinephile friend Chuck was around to talk about movies featuring unicorns. Plus I talked to a unicorn hunter & to a person intimately familiar with unicorns - because (as you doubtless know) there are plenty of unicorns here in the Pacific northwest!

You can listen to the show now at the Self Help Radio website. Use the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access. You can listen also on the KBOO website. It's all magical. Everything that's on the show is listed below.

Please enjoy the unicorn magic!

Self Help Radio Unicorn show
"The Unicorn" The Irish Rovers _The Best Of Shel Silverstein His Words His Songs His Friends_
"Always Be A Unicorn" Helen Austin _Always Be A Unicorn_
"I Was Born (A Unicorn)" The Unicorns _Unicorns Are People Too_

introduction & definitions - featuring Mythos The Historian

"She Was Born To Be My Unicorn" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Unicorn_
"The Last Unicorn" Swirl _The Last Unicorn_
"The Iceberg & Unicorn" Cleaners From Venus _Back From The Cleaners_
"Unicorns" June Tabor & Martin Simpson _A Cut Above_

our librarian friend Carole stops by!

"Unicornio" Mercedes Sosa _Mercedes Sosa_
"Unicorn" 'Weird Al' Yankovic & Wendy Carlos _Peter & The Wolf/Carnival Of The Animals - Part II_
"The Unicorn" Tele Novella _Poet's Tooth_
"Unicorn" The Dodos _Grizzly Peak_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops in!

"Unicorn Man" The Aardvarks _Stax '68: A Memphis Story_
"Behold The Indian Unicorn" Robin Williamson _Mirrorman's Sequences 1961-1966_
"The Unicorn" Donovan _HMS Donovan_
"Unicorn Tolerance" The Mountain Goats _Goths_

interview with unicorn hunter Pete Bachmann

"There Should Be Unicorns" The Flaming Lips _Oczy Mlody_
"Unicorn Song" Veronica Lipgloss & The Evil Eyes _The Witch's Dagger_
"Mr. Unicorn" Brown Hornet _KVRX Local Live Volume One: Cooking By Strobelight_

interview with Patty Birch, who's had many experiences with unicorns

"Hornless Unicorn Anthem" The Mathletes _#$@% You & Your Cool_
"Gay Unicorn" Gay Against You _Muscle Milk_
"The Lion & The Unicorn (BBC Session)" Skip Bifferty _The Story Of Skip Bifferty_
"The Lion & The Unicorn" The Men They Couldn't Hang _The Domino Club_

conclusion & goodbye

"Gryphons & Unicorns (feat. Marjolein Teepen)" Ton Scherpenzeel _The Lion's Dream_
"Unicorn Harpoon" Pink Skull _Zeppelin 3_

Monday, May 06, 2024

Whither Unicorns?


Why is the show today about unicorns? Why does there need to be a reason for someone to do a show about unicorns? Why aren't all radio shows about unicorns?

But of course there's a reason for unicorns being the theme tonight. & it's because I made a mistake.

My mistake was that, while I was planning shows for The Dickenbock Report - the other theme-based show I do - I accidentally looked for themes on the days that Self Help Radio was on. April 9 is Unicorn Day so I planned a Dickenbock Report about that. The problem was, The Dickenbock Report was on April 7, not April 9 - April 9 was a Self Help Radio day. A different show was planned for that day. & I had to find a different day to explore on the Dickenbock Report.

Man was I bummed. Then I thought, hold on. I can just do a show about unicorns on Self Help Radio! Why the hell not? So I planned for tonight's show.

& that's why the theme is unicorns!

Tune in tonight - really Tuesday morning - from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm & kboo dot fm for a radio show about unicorns! Guests galore! & the next intro premieres!

Sunday, May 05, 2024

Preface To Unicorns: Who Doesn't Like Unicorns?

(comic by Ellis Rosen)

Is it because people associate unicorns with little girls & with hippies that some people don't like them? I told a couple of folks that I was going to do a show about unicorns & eyes were rolled at me. Imagine that!

While I don't think I went through a "unicorn phase" where I obsessed about them, I was always happy to see them/read about them. But I was very happy when introduced to Lady Rainicorn in Adventure Time.

My wife was so enamored with her that I put that name for her on my phone, which has caused more than one person to ask, "Why Lady Rainicorn?" Or maybe it's just happened once. With our vet in Fort Worth. She had never heard of Adventure Time. It was a bit embarrassing. Anyway.

The story of the unicorn show is good one. Come back tomorrow & I'll tell you it.

Saturday, May 04, 2024

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Lemonade Day


The first Sunday in May is National Lemonade Day. The first Sunday in May this year is May 5. & on Sundays in Portland, it's the Dickenbock Report. Join us tomorrow as we report on lemonade the drink on lemonade the day including musical reports & a special report about allegations of something suspicious happening at Portland's lemonade stands.

Please note that the Dickenbock Report is no longer a morning news program, as we have been moved to later on the schedule. We are now an afternoon news program. Listen to us at our new time, Sunday, May 5, noon to 1pm, on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm & online at xray dot fm.

Be aware that due to inflation, lemonade is far more expensive now that you remember.

Friday, May 03, 2024

This Week In Self Help (April 28 + 30 2024)


Here's a picture of a rainbow I took earlier this year. I like rainbows. It has nothing to do with this summary of the nonsense I got into on the radio this week.

On Self Help Radio on KBOO, I had the seventy-fourth installment of my never-ending, very silly Indiepop A To Z series. I went from Saloon to Scotland Yard Gospel Choir. We will spend a long time in the letter S. Anyway, here's a direct link to the episode. You will need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access.

If you'd rather listen to the show on the KBOO website, here is that link. No password needed.

The KBOO link also includes this week's episode of Corporate Standardized Programming (which follows Self Help Radio). On that show, I played a bunch of new reissues by the Guerssen group of labels. If you'd rather listen to it/download it from the Self Help Radio website, here is the link for that. Same username & password for Self Help Radio apply.

The Sunday before all that was The Dickenbock Report, a show about superheroes on National Superhero Day. The show is also on the Self Help Radio web page linked here, or if you'd like you can listen at the XRAY web page.

The Dickenbock Report moves to noon on Sundays starting this next week. Imagine! I can sleep in on a Sunday!

As always, thank you for listening!

Thursday, May 02, 2024

New Intro Time Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again!

(Yeah, Columbo shows up. This is a screen grab from a DVD I own.)

It is time once again to make a new intro for my show. I actually have been working on it for a while - all year, really - but now is the time to put it together. I do it every year around this time. No big deal, right?

WRONG! Earlier this year (or late last year) I mustered up the courage to ask Amelia & Rob of the Catenary Wires & Swansea Sound (among other amazing bands) if they might record a new "Self Help Radio" jingle for the beginning of the show. The one I have used for years was recorded by people I worked with back in Austin & I couldn't even remember one of the person's names. They very kindly agreed & they returned with three (3) (!) different versions! I couldn't choose one. So I will rotate them throughout the year. I cannot thank them enough.

The rest of the spots are the same. I wish I could've done three different ones! But I did not. Would you like to hear them? After you listen to the first one, you can stop on the others after the jingle. They are all the same except for Rob & Amelia's lovely singing. I hope you dig.

The 2024 Self Help Radio Intro (Version 1)!

The 2024 Self Help Radio Intro (Version 2)!

The 2024 Self Help Radio Intro (Version 3)!

It would be remiss of me not to say you can hear more of Amelia & Rob's music on the Catenary Wires bandcamp page & the Swansea Sound bandcamp page. Or just freakin' Google them, they are musical heroes of mine & real life musical legends!

(Oh yeah I normally link all my old intros but didn't want to do that this time around. You can listen to all of the previous intros on last year's blog announcement page.)

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

Self Help Radio 043024: Indiepop A To Z # 74

(all images from Discogs.)

Someone once asked me if I thought anyone listened to these indiepop shows. I said I didn't know. The person said, "It's like if you did a polka a to z." Thinking better of it, the person added, "Only probably more people would listen."

The series has its own momentum & I have a touch of the ol' OCD so I am happy to return to it every four months, even if there's no guarantee it will ever end. I honestly can't believe I've made it to the letter S. I got from Saloon to Scotland Yard Gospel Choir this time around - it doesn't seem that far. Will there be ten or more episodes with the letter S? I am not concerned. It's so far in the future! I have a show next week to work on.

This week you can find the show naturally at the Self Help Radio website. You'll need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to listen tho. Would you prefer to listen to it on the KBOO website? By all means click there! The songs I played are listed below in glorious alphabetical order.

PS - it's our Spring Membership Drive - maybe help us out if you can?

Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 74
"Le Weekend" Saloon _(This Is) What We Call Progress_
"Green Light" Salteen _Pop American Style_
"Bubba Da" The Salteens _Short-Term Memories_

"Black Minds, White Lies" Salty Pirates _The Kids At The Club: An Indiepop Compilation_
"Kate" Sambassadeur _Coastal Affairs_
"The Day Is Mine" Sandalwoods _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 2_
"Turquoise Mini" The Sandcastles _Tales From The Riverbank_
"Hope Springs Eternal" The Sandkings _Welcome To England_

"Klein International Blue" Sandy Dirt _Sandy Dirt EP_
"Summer Blues" Sarah Goes Shopping _Sharon Signs To Cherry Red_
"Mike's Dollar" Sarandon _Kill Twee Pop!_
"Dear Josie Love Robyn" Sarge _Charcoal_
"Alcohol" Saturday Looks Good To Me _All Your Summer Songs_

"California Girls" The Saturday People _The Saturday People_
"Get In, Get Out" Daniel Saturn _The Sound Of Young Sweden (Volume 2)_
"Happy Trails" Saturn V _Skycycle_
"Apples" Saturnine _Pleasure Of Ruins_
"Old Town" Say Sue Me _Where We Were Together_

"Goodbye To All That" Scale The Heights _Goodbye To All That_
"FuturePop" Scarboro Aquarium Club _Poisoned_
"Poor Flowers" Scarlet Drops _Scarlet Drops 1984-1992_
"Golden, It Is, Beautiful" Scarlet's Well _Gatekeeper_
"Do I Love You?" The School _Wasting Away & Wondering_

"Oz Lotto" School Damage _A To X_
"The Sharks" The School Uniforms _Some Oxbow_
"American Standard" Schrasj _Schrasj_
"D.H. Lawrence Wasn't A Mexican" Scissor Fits _Taut? Tense? Angular? & Other British Rail Sandwiches_
"Then (& Not A Moment Before)" The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir _The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir_

Monday, April 29, 2024

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 74?


It hailed in Portland today. In some places it might be considered a sign, but it's snowed in Portland in April so it just was one of those, "Hail, really?" moments. I went outside with my dogs & almost slipped on the deck. That wouldn't be a sign of anything but an example of what a klutzy dolt I am.

Imagine though if I had fallen! Portland would've been spared tonight's Self Help Radio! Alas, I'm probably going to be able to make the show so let me tell you, it's the first of my usual thrice-a-year returning to the Indiepop A To Z series. I have started the letter S. I suspect I will be there for a while. There will be some nice tunes in delightful alphabetical order.

Midnight to 2am. 90.7fm. kboo.fm online. There's not much else to say. Tune in!

Sunday, April 28, 2024

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 74: The Saga Continues


What more can I say? I've done this 73 times already. I'll do it lots more.

Here's a picture of my cat Bluto who's very twee. Enjoy it.