Self Help Radio 041426: Palaces

It's usual practice isn't it for a palace to have a sign or marquee outside to let everyone know it's a palace, right? That's so cool.

Here's a show about palaces. I don't think I've ever been in a palace. But I talked to people who live in a palace. & a home improvement dude who makes "little palaces." & played lots of songs about palaces. That seems almost as good? Okay I know it isn't but let me have my illusions!

You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website & at the KBOO website (which is currently wonky but I'll add the direct link as soon as it's better). Lots of stuff happened on the show, most of which is noted below.

Hey! Now we can say with spent two hours in palaces together! Okay maybe not.

Self Help Radio Palaces Show

"Palaces" Bart Davenport _Palaces_

"Palace" The Gay _You Know The Rules_

"Palace" Electric Sunset _Electric Sunset_

introduction & definitions

"Palaces Of Gold" Leon Rosselson _Palaces Of Gold_

"Haunted Palace" Renee Maskin _Is It Real_

"Trouble In The Palace" Elizabeth Harper _Elizabeth Harper_

"Little Palaces" Elvis Costello _King Of America_

"Buckingham Palace" Ann Stephens _Hello Children Everywhere_

interview with Princess Petra & Prince Peter (Part I)

"Crackerbox Palace" George Harrison _Thirty Three & 1/3_

"Princess Of The Pearl Palace" Luke Sweeney _Rishi_

"The Haunted Palace" Basil Rathbone _The Edgar Allan Poe Audio Collection_

"Caesar's Palace" The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band _Hot Heat & Sweet Groove_

"Palace Of The King" Freddie King _Getting Ready..._

interview with Princess Petra & Prince Peter (Part II)

"The Palace Roses" Todd Andrews _The American Song-Poem Anthology: Do You Know The Difference Between Big Wood & Brush?_

"The Wicked Palace Revolution" McCarthy _I Am A Wallet_

"Dream Palace" Galore _Dirt_

"Moon Palace" Ladytron _Gravity The Seducer_

"Great Palaces Of Immortal Splendour" Single Gun Theory _Millions, Like Stars In My Hands, Daggers In My Heart, Wage War_

interview with home improvement television show host Bert Laird

"Palace Of The Brine" Pixies _Trompe Le Monde_

"Ghost Palace" The Burning Hell _Ghost Palace_

"Echo Palace" Iguana Death Cult _Echo Palace_

"Palace Doctor" Thee Oh Sees _Mutilator Defeated At Last_

"The Palace Of Versailles" Al Stewart _Time Passages_

conclusion & goodbye

"Palace Of Mirrors" Crushed Stars _Displaced Sleepers_

"No Peace In The Palace" Grant McLennan _Horsebreaker Star_

Whither Palaces?

That's the sign outside what used to be the Palace Barber Shop in Grand Prairie, Texas. I took that picture when I was in the metroplex in March, 2023, but according to Yelp, it was already closed by then - I must've looked in to see, mustn't I have? I sure did like the sign, though.

Yes, the theme this week is palaces. I'm not normally inclined to think of such things - I suppose I'd go on a tour through a palace if the opportunity arose, but I'd rather go to an art museum. Still, one late night in the dark of winter, getting ready to go to bed but looking up some information about a book I was reading, I stumbled upon a short documentary about the palace at Versailles. & I said to myself, Self - should we do a show about palaces? & usually that's all it takes.

You might ask me about the book I was reading & surprisingly it wasn't about anything French or royal or even historical. I do my best to frustrate the algorithm every chance I get.

Join me in the mind palace that is my radio show tonight from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo dot fm. It's very big & spooky & lonesome in a mind palace at night. I'll need the company.

Preface To Palaces: The Donut Palace Mystery

That is a picture I took somewhere in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex millions of years ago. Okay, it was August of 2017, probably in Fort Worth, but it appears I took the picture on my way back from Dallas, so who knows.

Here's the thing: I know for a fact there's a Donut Palace here in Portland, Oregon. So I thought to myself, "How many businesses called Donut Palace can there be?" Donut places mostly seem self-owned - little business run by families. Can the interwebs help me?

This website informs me: "There are 289 Donut Palace locations in United States as of March, 2026. The highest number of Donut Palace locations of United States are in Texas & Oklahoma with 168 businesses & 25 businesses, respectively. Texas makes up approximately 58.1% of all Donut Palace locations in the United States."

This website - which is for the Donut Palace & Equipment Co. tells me: "Donut Palace & Equipment Company, Inc., a Texas C Corporation*, is owned & operated by Mr. Alton Blair, it’s [sic] president. Mr. Blair has been in the business of constructing, operating, & equipping, sub-leasing, & supplying bakery ingredients (i.e. sugar, shortening, flour, etc.) to donut stores for more than 40 years. Beginning in 1967 & continuing to 1979, Mr. Blair started 140 independent donut stores. He initiated the Donut Palace name brand in 1979. Since then Mr. Blair has started over 450 Donut Palace stores scattered throughout communities located in Texas, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee, Oklahoma & many other places."

There's a bunch of photos of Donut Palaces here - they seem to have a regular sign, which does not resemble the one above - & that sign is not on display as one of the businesses in the photos.

As far as I can tell, Donut Palace isn't quite a franchise - but perhaps to use the name you need to have a relationship with the Texas company. I can't quite figure out how that would work tho.

Here is a picture of the one in Oregon:

Again, no clue if it's related to the Texas company or not. I'm not that good of a detective. I can tell you that they have vegan donuts on Saturdays, & the wife would go get them during the pandemic. It's about a forty-five minute drive round trip, so she eventually decided it wasn't entirely worth it. But they were good!

Any insight into this Donut Palace mystery? I could use your better understanding of the economics of franchising!

* Defined by this website, "A C-corporation (C-corp) is a legal business entity that provides its owners – commonly known as shareholders – with limited liability protection. This entity type is separately from its owners. A corporation itself is taxed on its profits, & shareholders are taxed again when they receive dividends – not as a general matter of course on their personal tax returns, as is the case with most partnerships & LLCs."

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Licorice Day

(image found here)

April 12 is National Licorice Day. We the Dickenbock Report are always hungry & we're glad to report on food, unless all they have at the studio is black licorice. Then maybe we'll regret it.

Hey! This show is happening during XRAY's Spring Fund Drive. If you appreciate musical reports about topical new in general, or licorice in particular, or just wanna support XRAY, please donate now! We promise, Dick Dickenbock no longer calls you to thank you.

Tune in tomorrow, Sunday, April 12, from noon to 1pm for a Dickenbock Report report about National Licorice Day on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help (Apr 5 + 7)

It's not easy to find pictures of "bad boys & bad girls" for a radio show with that theme but here's a picture of two former bad boys (or girls, who can say) enjoying the front yard on a pretty Portland day despite, you know, being dead & all. Meanwhile here's what I was doing on the radio this week:

The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM:

April 5 was National Dandelion Day. I played songs about dandelions. Listen to the show at XRAY FM.

Self Help Radio on KBOO:
April 7 the theme was (as I said) "bad boys & bad girls." Listen to the show at KBOO FM. Or listen to the show here.

Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO:

April 7 I played a buncha new releases. Listen to the show at KBOO FM (after Self Help Radio). Or listen to the show here.

& that's all I have for the bad girls & boys.

Self Help Radio 050726: Bad Boys & Bad Girls

It is a testament to what a good boy I am that I only know two bad boys & one bad girl - & they are in the picture above - from the left, bad boy Stuart, bad girl Pauline, & bad boy Pete. Fascinatingly, they are also the best boys & girls I know - Pauline is a very good girl & Pete & Stuart are very good boys. I guess it's because they are beagles that there's that difficult dichotomy.

As you can see on the playlist below, the show is evenly divided between bad boys & bad girls. & sometimes a girl is singing about a bad boy or boys & a boy is singing about a bad girl or girls. This radio program attempts to present as many possible viewpoints as it can.

You can listen to the show now at the Self Help Radio website. Or if you want at the KBOO website. The playlist below shows all that happened on the show.

At this point, I might admonish you to be good but I know you won't be.

Self Help Radio Bad Boys & Bad Girls show

"Bad Boy" Barefoot Bill _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order 1927-1930_

"I'm A Bad, Bad Girl" Little Esther Phillips _The Chronological Little Esther: 1951-1952_

"Bad Boy" Falcon Jane _Legacy_

introduction & definitions

"Bad Girl" The Miracles _The Chess Story 1957-1964_

"Bad Boy" Larry Williams _The Specialty Story_

"Bad Girl" She _She Wants A Piece Of You_

"Bad Boys Get Spanked" The Pretenders _The Pretenders II_

"Bad Girl" New York Dolls _New York Dolls_

interview with Bad Boys Of Portland member Zach

"Good Girl, Bad Boy" Junior Senior _D-D-Don't Don't Stop The Beat_

"Bad Girls" Donna Summer _The Disco Years (Boogie Fever) Volume Three_

"Even The Good Boys Are Bad" Locate S, 1 _Personalia_

"Bad Bad Girls" Pushtwangers _Pushtwangers_

"Bad Bad Boy" David Candy _Play Power_

interview with former bad boy Rufus

"Bad Girls" Tennis _Ritual In Repeat_ 

"Bad Boys" Hunx & His Punx _Walk Out On This World_

"Your Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad" Jonathan Richman _Jonathan Goes Country_

"Bad Boy" John Prine _German Afternoons_

"Bad Girl" Cherry Vanilla _Bad Girl_

interview with bad boy & bad girl researcher Cliff Rupp

"Sensitive Bad Boys" The Dead Sailor Girls _Rolling Sea_

"Bad Girl" The Zakary Thaks _Face To Face_

"Bad Boy" The Adicts _The Complete Adicts Singles Collection_

"Bad Girl" Kitbuilders _This Is Not The 80s - A Nu-Wave Electro Compilation_

"Bad Boy" Hand Habits _Wildly Idle (Humble Before The Void)_

conclusion & goodbye

"This Bad Girl" The Golden Cups _Complete Best Blues Of Life_

"Bad Boy" King Khan & The Shrines _Idle No More_

"Bad Girl" Sun June _Somewhere_

"Bad Boys" Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside _Untamed Beast_

Whither Bad Boys & Bad Girls?

(Image from Wikipedia)

Just so you know - I've been writing in this dumb blog about my radio show(s) since 2006. Almost 20 years. It was on September 13, 2006, I explained why I was making a radio show about the theme sugar. (You can read it here if you want.) I really thought that I would know why I picked every theme & even supposed - quite naively - that there might be an interesting story about it, too. If you have spent any time on this blog, you will know that that supposition was wrong, wrong, wrong.

My memory is not what it is, if it ever was. I will forget things that happened this morning as a matter of course. & I have made a radio show a week, usually based on a unique theme, for nearly 24 years now. How in the world am I supposed to remember why I did something, chose something, planned something?

Now you might be thinking - oh this is where Gary turns the tables on us & says "But not this time!" Because he's always making excuses about how he doesn't know where his ideas come from. But alas! That's giving me too much credit.

About three months ago, I wrote down "bad boys" on a list. Then added "bad girls." Then wrote "boys singing about bad girls/girls singing about bad boys?" It appears it was some kind of exercise. Why? Who knows. Maybe I heard a song. Maybe I thought about the show "Cops."

All that I can say is that the theme of Self Help Radio tonight on KBOO is "bad boys & bad girls." Howsoever it found its way into my head & soon out into the Portland airwaves. You can listen to it from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm here in Portland or online at kboo dot fm.

Be a good boy &/or good girl & tune in, would you please?

Preface To Bad Boys & Bad Girls: Of Course I Wasn't A Bad Boy

There's a very good reason I was never a bad boy tho I could have turned out worse. I shoplifted. I wasn't always truthful. I recently confessed on this blog to having a short-lived infatuation with setting things on fire. & I was never really watched as a kid. I knew some boys who almost certainly had run-ins with the law & possibly even ended up with criminal records. I certainly knew people my age who were doing drugs & drinking & who may well have developed lifelong problems with that. I grew up very poor, mostly unsupervised, with lots of time on my hands & much of it alone. Why didn't I fall in with a bad crowd? Why didn't I take the step into the world of the "bad boy"?

One word: fear.

Now I can't tell you if I am naturally fearful. What I can tell you is that my mother almost certainly was. She was terrified of the world. Like she lived in the Australian outback where everything is poisonous. & she imparted that fear onto me & my siblings. Two of my older brothers were far more interested in drugs than I was, & I have heard some interesting stories of drug use & big parties that I would never have taken part in - but for some reason, they never ended up in jail, never had a criminal record. I think it was my mother's fear transferred to them.

Listen: I grew up with kids that happily left the apartment complexes we lived in & wandered far & wide, getting into all sort of mischief. Why didn't I do that - or my little brother, who was often my companion in my childhood? Because our mother told us there were dangers out there - you know, across the street. A block over. Where terrible shit happens.

She wouldn't let us go into public restrooms alone until we were probably ten or eleven years old. We had to go with her in the women's restroom which was embarrassing. Why? Because, she said, there was a man in the men's restroom with a knife who would cut your thing off. & I would think - why are they letting that guy do that? It seemed even to a seven-year-old to be bad for business.

How she imparted that fear seems to me to be through repetition. My mother would talk all the time. & as a little boy, sitting with her, I must've heard the same horror stories told in different variations over & over all through my childhood. To this day I hear her voice in situations where I might be alone or I might be experiencing something stressful & unfamiliar. I have to talk her down or I won't do the thing that I really, really want to do.

A few years ago, during the pandemic, my wife was jazzercising in the garage, & the song she was playing repeated the phrase "shake what your momma gave you" or something like that. & all I could think was, "I wish I could shake the crippling fear of the world my momma gave me."

& that's why I was never a bad boy.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Dandelion Day

April 5 is National Dandelion Day. Dick Dickenbock loves dandelions, & secretly believes in their wish-granting powers. Too many of the Report's staff & crew have discovered him in a field of flowers wishing to be back on network news shows. One wish he made - "If I can't be back on CBS News then CBS News shouldn't be allowed to exist!" - seems to be coming true. Dandelion wishes may be granted over a longer period of time than previous thought. In any event, Dick Dickenbock loves dandelions, so that's what we're reporting on tomorrow.

Yes, tomorrow! Sunday April 5. From noon to 1pm. On XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere. Dick Dickenbock has a dandelion & he is now wishing you would tune in. So maybe you better?

This Week In Self Help: March 29 + 31 (plus a bonus show)

Sorry I don't have a better picture for this week's recap of my radio blunders. It's a doorway with an ornate - would you call it a gate? it's not a screen - that I liked that I saw in San Francisco back in October. It has nothing to do with the radio I made this week, which went like this:

Sunday March 29. The Dickenbock Report on XRAY. It was Mermaid Day. You can listen to the show on the XRAY website. Listeners sent me images of mermaids!

Tuesday March 31. Self Help Radio on KBOO. A continuation of the celebration of The Rev Dr Howard Gently. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website. Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Tuesday March 31. Corporate Standardized Progamming on KBOO. Music by artists we lost in November 2025. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Finally, I made an "evergreen" for Freeform Portland (to be played randomly whenever there was nothing scheduled) called The Freeform Alphabet. You can see the playlist when it played Friday morning on Spinitron. You can listen to it there for the next couple of week or you can listen to it here. I'll put the playlist up on the Self Help Radio website next week.

That's it. Whew.

Self Help Radio 033126: Howard Gently Forever

Very nice to spend another two hours with an old friend. I'm not so old that I've lost too many people but I do sometimes wish I had hours of recorded conversations with them to revisit. Memory is too faulty.

The good news is that this isn't the last of the series! So please enjoy my friend Russell being funny as my spiritual mentor The Rev Dr Howard Gently. Most of these I haven't listened to since the show aired - I laughed out loud so many times hearing them again.

You can listen to Howard Gently Forever either at the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. The show is mostly improvised silliness. But the details are below.

As someone texted me during the show: Long live Dr Howard Gently!

Self Help Radio Howard Gently Forever

"Sad Brown Eyes" Russell Miles _Sad Brown Eyes_

Howard Gently on the theme "Christmas 2018"

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" Paul Simon _Still Crazy After All These Years_

Howard Gently on the theme "Fifty"

"In Doubt" Peter Gabriel _Passion (Music For The Last Temptation Of Christ)_

"Sense Of Doubt" David Bowie _Heroes_

Howard Gently on the theme "Doubt"

"Voices Inside My Head" The Police _Zenyatta Mondatta_

Howard Gently on the theme "Voices"

"She Floated Away" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_

Howard Gently on the theme "Floating"

"I'll Begin Again" Sammy Davis Jr. _Now_

Howard Gently on the theme "Start Anew"

"Wishing The Days Away" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_

Howard Gently on the theme "Wishes"

"The Thunder, Perfect Mind" Willis Barnstone, Marvin Meyer, & Nancy Lesniewksi _The Gnostic Bible_

Howard Gently on the theme "Thunder"

"I'm Using My Bible For A Road Map" Porter Wagoner & The Blackwood Brothers Quartet _The Grand Old Gospel_

Howard Gently on the theme "Maps"

"Personal Jesus" Johnny Cash _American IV: The Man Comes Around_

Howard Gently on the theme "Personal"

"Can't Keep It In" Cat Stevens _Catch Bull At Four_

Howard Gently on the theme "Keep It"

"An Empty Cup" Roy Orbison & The Teen Kings _Orbison 1955-1965_

Howard Gently on the theme "Cups"

Whither Howard Gently Forever?

That picture there is from a retirement community in east Portland which has nothing to do with this show but the show this week is about my friend Russell & almost certainly I took that picture to send to him. It was in May 2020. I don't recall if I ever did. I hope I did. I hope he was amused & sent a very funny response.

This week's show continues my celebration of Russell as The Rev Dr Howard Gently, a character he played on my show from 2014 until 2022. Russell died three years ago & I miss him terribly. I am so frickin grateful I have hours of him improvising hilarious & ridiculous bits for the show, & have been sharing them in chronological order. We have come to the pandemic era, when Self Help Radio started to air in Portland.

It's two hours of Dr Gently tonight midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere. Prepare to be blessed.

Preface To Howard Gently Forever: Fear Of A Second End

That picture was taken on a trip to Chicago in May 2018. My friend Russell was alive & well then & I probably meant to share it with him. I have no idea if I did.

My friend Russell died almost three years ago. Since his death I have been playing in chronological order his appearances as Howard Gently on Self Help Radio. He improvised the role of my spiritual mentor. Lucky for me, he did it over a hundred times. Unlucky for me, eventually I will arrive at his last appearance on the show.

Probably I don't need to tell you I am dreading that. I thought we were coming close. Russell did not appear as Howard Gently on many episodes of Self Help Radio in 2018. Since I do my dumb radio show weekly, I don't really remember lots of the details of the shows I've done. But I have glanced ahead - & luckily this week's show won't be the last Howard Gently show. I am relieved by that.

Because as grateful as I am that he left us - he left me - with so many hours of his brilliance, when I come to the end of that, it may feel like I am losing him all over again. & I don't want to feel that way.

But like I said! That won't be this week! But having his voice in my head makes me miss him so much. Such a smart, funny person. You really don't get so many of those personally in your life, do you.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Mermaid Day

(image found here)

March 29 is Mermaid Day. Dick Dickenbock thinks mermaids are real. He claims to have dated one in college. But he's probably thinking about the mermaid Superman dated in college. Anyway, he's excited there's a Mermaid Day. He hopes she might be listening. He's been pining for her.

We hope you'll listen to. Tomorrow, Sunday, from noon to 1pm, on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

Everywhere? Even under the sea? Dick Dickenbock sure hopes so!

This Week In Self Help: March 20 22 + 24

This is what the past seven days (not counting today) looked like if you looked at me on the radio:

March 20 on The Songcircle on KBOO, I celebrated Women's History Month with lots of women making history - all new releases by women artists! You can listen to the show on the KBOO website.

March 22 on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY, I reported on Daffodil Day. You can listen to the show on the XRAY website.

March 24 on Self Help Radio on KBOO, I explored the theme embers. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website. Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

March 24 on Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I played a lot of new releases. You can listen to the show on the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.

The picture above is a sunset I took in Kentucky in 2014. But it kinda looks like embers, doesn't it? If you squint, maybe? Maybe?