Self Help Radio 102026: Violins

Thousands of tiny violins played as I ended my violin show because I really wasn't all that sad. Isn't that what the idiom is? The Wiktionary tells us "world's smallest violin" means "a notional violin that plays tragic music for the afflicted; used in dismissive responses to oversensitive complaining." Fun fact: Oversensitive Complaining was one of the names I had to choose from before I picked Self Help Radio!

In any event there were a fair number of violins on the show about violins so anyone who is pro-violin can't complain too much altho pro-violin people would probably not listen to this show. If you want to listen, you can at at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. The stuff that happened is below. You know the drill.

Seriously tho I should've called this show Oversensitive Complaining!

Self Help Radio Violins Show

"The Ragtime Violin" American Quartet _1912: 'Waitin' On The Levee'_

"Violin Blues" Johnson Boys _Violin, Sing The Blues For Me (African-American Fiddlers 1926-1949)_

"An Old Violin (Olive Grooves, vocals)" Alfredo Campoli _Salon Music Of The Thirties_

introduction & definitions

"A Thousand Violins" Patti Page _The Singles 1946-1952_

"I Love A Violin" Petula Clark _Petula Clark In Hollywood_

"The Violin Lesson - Part 1" Jack Benny _The Jack Benny Album_

"Violin Shop" The Alan Bown! _Outward Bown... Plus_

"You're The Violin" Rosey Grier _Munich City Nights - Vol. 20_

"The Older The Violin, The Sweeter The Music" Hank Thompson _Kindly Keep It Country_

interview with Tina Smith & Carlyle Goblockser part I

"Violin" Kate Bush _Never For Ever_

"Violins" Marc Riley with The Creepers _Cull (The Singles Mid '83 - Mid '84)_

"The Violin Lesson - Part 2" Jack Benny _The Jack Benny Album_

"Like 1000 Violins" 1000 Violins _Like One Thousand Violins_

"Trains & Violins" Black Cillas _Step Outside Love_

"Violin" East Village _Hotrod Hotel_

interview with Tina Smith & Carlyle Goblockser part I

"Violin Sherbet" Blurt _Pagan Strings_

"Sax & Violins" Talking Heads _Popular Favorites 1976-1992: Sand In The Vaseline_

"The Violin & The Princess" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"One-String Violin" Heidi Berry _Heidi Berry_

"The Violin In Winter" Jon Rose _Art Bears - The Art Box_

"Violin" They Might Be Giants _No!_

Joseph Cooper & The Sinfonia Of London explain The Violin from A Child's Introduction To The Instruments Of The Orchestra

"Senseless Violins" Sparks _Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins_

"When You Play The Violin" The Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'_

"Trumpets & Violins" Suburban Kids With Biblical Names _# 3_

"The Loudest Violin" The Bug Club _Rare Birds: Hour Of Song_

"The Piano & The Violin" Polo & Pan _22:22_

"Love Without Violins" The Gift _Altar_

conclusion & goodbye

"Violins" I'm From Barcelona _Growing Up Is For Trees_

"Gazillions Of Minature Violins" The Crimea _Tragedy Rocks_

Whither Violins?

There's one thing you need to know about Self Help Radio shows about musical instruments: they don't necessarily feature in every song that particular musical instrument. Because the songs are about the instrument, you might not hear that instrument in the song. That was probably true in the show I did about drums. & in the show I did about guitars. & in other shows about musical instruments which I may have done but have now forgotten about.

As for why the show is about violins, well. It shouldn't surprise you that I am a fan of the violin. I wish I had had a parent who forced me to learn how to play the violin. I was happy once to kiss a girl who could play the violin. But this show is because of a pun. Someone was using the old pun "sax & violins" in a call to me at KBOO. Then they said, "Have you ever done a show about sax & violins?" I said, "I can do a show about violins if you want." & that's how it all started.

Sorry I didn't get the name of the person who suggested the show. But glad I could do it!

Self Help Radio's show about violins is on tonight from midnight to 2am on KBOO - 90.7fm in town, kboo dot fm everywhere.

& don't fret! Some of the songs about violins will have a violin in them.

Preface To Violins: Peanuts April 8, 1963

This is a very famous Peanuts strip from 1963 - April 8 to be precise. The first panel is used all over the place, in particular for Record Store Day. I also feel like there are some panels where a different record - like perhaps a Smiths record - is placed in Schroeder's hand in the first panel.

My computer image search found this because the word "violin" is in the second panel, but obviously the strip isn't about violins. This week's Self Help Radio will in fact be about violins. But like this strip might not have actually have many violins in it.

By the way I scanned this strip myself from the Fantagraphics Complete Peanuts collection. Obviously the rights do not belong to me.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Sunday Day

Even though it would seem logical that every Sunday, being Sunday, would be by definition Sunday Day, it turns out that October 18 is National Sunday Day. So we at the Dickenbock Report, rather than being closed on Sunday, will celebrate Sunday.

It's also the XRAY Fall Fund Drive so if you're able, visit this website to donate to the station that keeps this hard-hitting news program on the air. If you'd like to support The Dickenbock Report directly, you can do so at this particular link. The money goes to XRAY, of course, but it gives the show bragging rights.

Listen to the Sunday show tomorrow, October 18, from 11am to 1pm on 91.1+107.1fm here in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help: October 11 13 + 15

(image found here)

What did I do on the radio this week? Who wants to know?

Sunday October 11. It's My Party Day on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY.
Listen to the show here.

Tuesday October 13. A show about chariots on Self Help Radio on KBOO.
Listen to the show here. Or download the show here.

Tuesday October 13. Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO. More artists we lost this year celebrated.
Listen to the show here (after Self Help Radio). Or download the show here.

Thursday October 15. Welcome To Your Good Day on XRAY. I sub one more time.

Listen to the show here.

Also I did a show on KBOO today but I'll mention it next week.

Self Help Radio 101326: Chariots

(original image found here)

Here is my show about chariots. Listening to the show, I realized I have never ridden in a chariot. I don't know if I'd want to, but I kinda wish someone would have at some point offered me a ride in a chariot. I've actually only ridden a horse once, & it wasn't that much fun. But a chariot - especially as a passenger - might have been exciting. Oh well.

Listen to the show if you wanna at the Self Help Radio website or at the KBOO website. Most everything that happened on the show is listed below.

Seriously, if you have a chariot, invite me along, willya?

Self Help Radio Chariots Show

"Swingin' At The Chariot" Anthony & The Sophomores _Play Our Oldies Mr. D.J._

"Some Trust In Chariots" Rod McKuen _The Loner & 13 Other Rod McKuen Songs Of Love & Loneliness_

"Horses & Chariots" The Open Mind _The Open Mind_

introduction & definitions

"Chariots Of Silk" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Unicorn_

"Painted Chariot" The Incredible String Band _Liquid Acrobat As Regards The Air_

"Roll The Old Chariot (feat. Mary Benson)" Louis Killen, Stan Hugill, & The X-Seamen's Institute _Sea Songs_

"General Chariot Corp." Bob Newhart _The Button-Down Mind On TV_

"Broken Chariot" CocoRosie _Tales Of A GrassWidow_

interview with Ben Howard, who was a chariot maker in his past lives

"Chariots Of The Gods" The Stampeders _From The Fire_

"Chariots Of The Gods" Russell Miles _Archaeology_

"The Chariot" Janis King _Tarot Mastery: Decoding The Tarot With Definitive Card Meanings_

"Chariot" Beach House _B-Sides & Rarities_

"Chariots" Horse Jumper Of Love _Natural Part_

interview with Buddy Howard, who owns a chariot

"Chariot" Aoife Nessa Frances _Protector_

"Chariot" Babehoven _Water's Here In You_

"The Chariot Race" Ben Blur _The Chariot Race_

"The Chariot" The Cat Empire _The Cat Empire_

"Chariot Rock (feat. Genesis Blu)" Free Radicals _White Power Outage Volume 1_

a discussion about the most famous chariot song of all

"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" Paul Robeson _On My Journey: Paul Robeson's Independent Recordings_

"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" Langston Hughes _The Glory Of Negro History_

"Let Me Ride (Swing Down Chariot)" The Staple Singers _Chicago Hit Factory - The Vee Jay Story 1953-1966_

"Good News (Chariot's Comin')" The Four Tunes _The Complete Jubilee Sessions_

"Sweet Chariots" Bid _The Monochrome Set: Volume, Contrast, Brilliance... (Sessions & Singles Vol. 1)_

conclusion & goodbye

"Chariots On Fire" Rocket From The Crypt _All Systems Go III_

"Chariot" Knife & Fork _The Higher You Get, The Rarer The Vegetation_

"Chariot" Professor & Maryann _Runaway Favorite_

"Charioteers" Social Studies _Wind Up Wooden Heart_

Whither Chariots?

(photo by Giovanni Dall'Orto from Wikipedia)

Why do a show about chariots, you might wonder. Is it because of having heard one of the literally hundreds of versions of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" out there? No. Is it because I either watched the film or heard the soundtrack recently for Chariots Of Fire? No. Oh no Gary is it because you someone found yourself reading the pseudoscientific book Chariots Of The Gods? Is that it? Oh say it isn't so!

In case you have never heard of that book, which came out the year I was born, let me tell you, it was written by a Swiss author named Erich Von Däniken & Wikipedia adds the delightful fact that "The book was extensively rewritten by its editor, Wilhelm Roggersdorf," Ouch,

Here's the thesis, courtesy of the Wikipedia: "The main thesis of Chariots Of The Gods is that extraterrestrial beings influenced ancient technology. Von Däniken suggests that some ancient structures & artifacts appear to reflect more sophisticated technological knowledge than is known or presumed to have existed at the times they were manufactured. Von Däniken maintains that these artifacts were produced either by extraterrestrial visitors or by humans who learned the necessary knowledge from extraterrestrials."

So, you're thinking, it's also a little racist? Yeah.

But no, I wasn't reading the book. It was one of the books my friend Russell was fascinated by as a kid - the sort of thing his character Howard Gently would later make fun of. Before I did the last Howard Gently show a month ago, I re-listened to Russell's album from 1984 called Archaeology on which he has a song called (you guessed it) "Chariot Of The Gods." I wanted to play it on the radio & thought I might find more songs about chariots. & so I have.

The chariots show airs tonight on KBOO - 90.7fm in town, kboo dot fm everywhere - from midnight to 2am. Thankfully my show is so amateurish no one has ever suspected aliens are actually behind it!

Preface To Chariots: Chariot Racing

(Still from Ben Hur grabbed at the link I mention in the post.)

At some point in the childhood of the average American kid in the 1970s, you got to watch Ben Hur on television. We were poor so didn't have a color television so the first time I saw it - probably in a very edited version chock full of commercials - I didn't see it in glorious color. & by the time I saw it, the movie had been around for almost twenty years, so all the elements of the race had been parodied many times over - especially in cartoons. Still, I do recall being thrilled by the race & looking forward to it when I saw it again. You can watch all of it on You Tube.

It's not the reason I'm doing a show about chariots - I'll talk about that tomorrow - but it's one of the first things I think about when I hear the word "chariot" - & maybe it is for you, too.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: It's My Party Day

October 11 is "It's My Party Day" & although Dick Dickenbock has been uninvited to more parties than any other human alive, he still thinks the Report should report on parties - including interviewing a party planner. He knows that if he plans the party, the staff & crew of the Report will feel obligated to come.

Find out all about parties on Sunday, October 11, from 11am to 1pm, on XRAY FM - on the air at 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, but available everywhere at xray dot fm.

This Week In Self Help: October 4 6 + 8

You can tell by the unopened packages of individually sliced vegan cheeses that it's time for me to tell you the dumb radio I made this past week. Why are they stored by the window tho?

Sunday 10/4 Dickenbock Report XRAY. National Vodka Day. Listen here.

Tuesday 10/6 Self Help Radio KBOO. Anniversary show! The theme "cheese" revisited. Listen here. Or you can download the show here.

Tuesday 10/6 Corporate Standardized Programming KBOO. New releases. Listen here (after Self Help Radio). Or you can download the show here.

Thursday 10/8 Welcome To Your Good Day XRAY. A sub show. Listen here.

Maybe I'm trying to see if vegan cheese can melt?

Self Help Radio 100626: Cheese Revisited - The 24th Anniversary Show

24 years! That's a lot of cheese.

Luckily I keep myself very busy or else it might be weird to ponder twenty-four years of this nonsense. When I was a kid, I could never finish anything - I had dozens of home-made comics I started but never go to the end - & these were just four pages! (One piece of paper folder in half.) (I liked making the cover most of all.) So doing this one thing for 24 years - who the hell knows how many episodes - it's something like an achievement I guess.

Anyway, if you wanna listen to this show you can visit the show's page at KBOO or visit the Self Help Radio website. Most everything that happened on the show is below.

Fingers crossed I won't be doing this twenty-four more years. Eeek.

Self Help Radio Cheese Anniversary Show

"I Like Stinky Cheese" Dick 'Two Ton' Baker _The Music Maker Of Chicago_

"(I Got A Disease) I'm Addicted To Cheese" Evaporators _Ripple Rock_

"I Like Cheese" The Cheese Band _Party Fun With Recorders Volume 1_

introduction & old audio clip - featuring Kim & Phillip

"The Cheese Song" Kirk Moore _Top Hits_

"Cheese" Cyril Ornadel & Hal Shaper _Treasure Island_

"The Cheese Song" Mick Kolassa _Americana Essentials_

"Cheese Shop" Monty Python _The Monty Python Matching Tie & Handkerchief_

"Cheese & Crackers" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _Two At A Time_

"Cheese & Crackers" Rosco Gordon _Rosco's Rhythm_

interview with Maxine & Stewart, former Cheese Kids

"Limburger Lover" Leona Anderson _Music To Suffer By_

"The Cheese Song" Bubboon's Tunes _The Kids Corner: 20th Anniversary Celebration_

"Cheese, Peas, Pickles, & Bananas" Nora O'Connor & Steve Frisbie _The Bottle Let Me Down (Songs For Bumpy Wagon Rides)_

"Bunnyrabbits, Satan, Cheese, & Milk" Stark Effect _Mic In Track_

"(Ooey Gooey) Green Cheese" Freddie Montell _Destination Forbidden Planet (37 Outer Space Shock Treatments)_

"Green Cheese" Merle Travis _Guitar Rags & A Too Fast Past_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by!

"The Cheese Boogie Deluxe" The Oosik Music Company _Slow Musicians Playing_

"Cheese & Wine" Waste Of Aces _Perfect Day_

"Cheese & Onions" Galaxie 500 _Rutles Highway Revisited (A Tribute To The Rutles)_

"The Cheese Alarm" Robyn Hitchcock _Jewels For Sophia_

"Grilled Cheese" Cherry Glazerr _Haxel Princess_

"Crackers & Cheese" The Jangleberries _Top Of The Pops With Murray Walker_

interview with farmer Don Conelly

"Rats Been On My Cheese" Walter Vincson _Complete Recorded Works In Chronological Order (1928-1941)_

"Cheese All Week Long" Oscar Boyd _Cheese All Week Long_

"Welfare Cheese" Emanual Laskey _Shakin' Fit_

"Cheesies & Gum" Martha & The Muffins _Metro Music_

"Cheese" Jim Gaffigan _The Last Supper_

"American Cheese" Electric Six _Zodiac_

conclusion & goodbye

"Cheese & Toast" BMX Bandits _My Chain_

"Chips & Cheese, Pint Of Wine" MJ Hibbett _A Million Ukeleles_

"People Are Asleep, Dreaming Of Cheese" Cornell Hurd Band _A Stagecoach Named Desire_

"All-American Cheesecake" Super _Seven Summers (International Pop Volume Two)_

Whither Cheese Revisited (The 24th Anniversary Show)?

The answer to the question "why is this week's theme 'cheese'?" is answered in the parenthetical remark: it's an anniversary show.

At some point, when it became obvious I might be doing Self Help Radio for a while, I decided to revisit themes on my anniversary shows. My first anniversary show - meaning, the first show where I revisited a theme, not the show's first anniversary - happened in 2008, when the show was but six years old. I guess I had really wanted to revisit a theme. Or commemorate the show somehow - after all, I did not know I would still be doing it after even six years.

This year I decided to revisit a theme I explored in April of 2008. It was the first of the last four shows I did on KOOP, the station where the show originated. Though I did in fact stay in Austin for another year due to a change of plans, I didn't return to KOOP that last year. I did the show as a "podcast" which no one really listened to. The show wouldn't return to the air until the summer of 2009 when it premiered on WMUL in Huntington, Virginia.

Back in 2008, I did eat cheese made from dairy. I no longer do that. I am very lucky to live in Portland where non-dairy cheeses can be found almost everywhere - especially on pizza. The pizza game in Portland is strong. I don't feel weird about doing a show that is mostly about something I no longer eat because I have very fond memories of cheese. I don't miss it - I don't have to! - but I do know when I did the show in 2008 my diet was probably 65% cheese.

& yes, the first Self Help Radio aired around this time in Austin in 2002. So it is indeed the 24th anniversary show. Maybe I'm hoping for pictures? & someone will tell me, "Say cheese!"

It happens tonight on KBOO from midnight to 2am. That's 90.7fm in town, kboo dot fm everywhere. Come for the cheese, stay for the music.

Preface To Cheese Revisited (The 24th Anniversary Show): Swissland Cheese Co.

On September 20, 2015 - almost exactly eleven years ago - we were driving home from Fort Wayne, Indiana (home then was Lexington, Kentucky) down state highway 27 - I wanted to see more of the state, so we didn't go back the way we came, up I-75 in Ohio - & I snapped this picture. We didn't stop because I'm certain the Swissland Cheese Co. had only dairy cheeses, & neither me or my wife ate those anymore.

On April 4, 2008, from 4:30 to 6pm, I was on the air on KOOP in Austin, hosting the the fourth-to-the-last episode of Self Help Radio that would air on the station - the station where it originated almost six years earlier. At the time, I thought I'd be leaving Austin in mere months - it turns out it took a little longer.

Self Help Radio premiered on October 9, 2002. Almost exactly twenty-four years ago. I have written about how I didn't know I'd still be doing the show so many years later. My only previous radio experience on KVRX lasted barely five years. But though I left Austin in 2009, I brought Self Help Radio with me, & of course I still do it here in Portland duh,

On my anniversary shows, I like to repeat old themes. On April 4, 2008, the theme was "cheese." It seemed a nice idea to return to that theme. & so I shall.

Some more thoughts on anniversaries & the like tomorrow.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Vodka Day

October 4 is National Vodka Day. While The Dickenbock Report does not encourage drinking, & in fact will show you are the horrific facts of how alcohol ruins lives, we also have an obligation to report the news. So don't blame us for anything bad happening relating to vodka, okay? You didn't blame Walter Cronkite for the Vietnam War, did you? Sheesh.

It's happening Sunday, October 4, from 11am to 1pm on XRAY - 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere. Please. Listen responsibly.

This Week In Self Help: September 27 + 29 & October 1

Not sure where I found that photo - reverse image search is not being helpful - but there's some information about the Globe Of Death motorcycle act here. Here's what my radio week was like:

September 27 was National Scarf Day. I did a show about scarves on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY. You can listen to that show here.

September 29 on Self Help Radio I did a show with the theme "globes" on KBOO. You can listen to that show here. Or you can listen to that show here.

Also on September 29 on KBOO I had an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming featuring artists we lost in April of this year. You can listen to that show here (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to that show here.

Finally, on October 1 I subbed Welcome To Your Good Day on XRAY. You can listen to that show here.

Anyway, if you need me, I'll probably be spinning round the globe of death.