It's true, I won't be answering any more mail this year. In fact, that's what this letter, from someone named Justin, was about:
Hey gary, why are you having subs for two weeks this month?
Because I will be going on vacation for a couple of weeks. Plus, it's not two weeks this month - it's the last Friday of December & the first Friday of January. Don't you own a calendar?
But I won't be leaving you with just any substitutes: next Friday, the amazing Lisa of The Clear Spot will be subbing SHR, & the week after that, the great Jay Robillard will be subbing. They've both picked great themes: Lisa will do a show about "missing" & Jay's show will feature songs about onomatopoeia.
I will be in Europe & I may blog a little from there, if what I've heard is true, there might be some places that have the internet. Keep looking!
I'll be back to the regular blogging after my January 12th show. You can keep writing me emails!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Whither Christmas?
That's a heavy question, man. Whither Christmas? What does "whither" mean, anyway? Do I even know? Yes, I know. & if I didn't know, why the fuck would I begin every Wednesday posting with the word? Don't I know there's a dictionary.com? Will I continue to ask a bunch of questions here only I can answer? Since I am the only one writing, I mean. I don't presume that you can answer because you can't really. Except in the comments section. So maybe I should write a bunch of questions & you can answer them. But what if you don't? Won't this already piss-poor blog seem even more pathetic? Is that really possible?
Surely someone listens to Self Help Radio. Even if that someone is my mother, who can't listen because she lives two hundred miles away & doesn't have a computer. Also, she's German. She does perhaps listen to recordings of the shows that I send her, but she is, after all, German. Anyway, if I am writing to a generic "listener," & that listener isn't my mother, to whom am I writing? I don't normally drink a lot before I write anything, so I can't be hallucinating, although I do sometimes have lucid dreams when I am really exhausted. Have I ever dreamed about writing stuff in this blog? I don't remember either way, but I have dreamed about finding my house rearranged in ways that are not structurally possible. Therefore, I believe the way that reality can be manipulated in dreams in such a way that makes a kind of irrational sense is the same way I should perceive the readership of this blog. You are the reader of my dreams.
Now, since someone listens to Self Help Radio & also reads this blog, at least in sleepytimeland, there is therefore the presumption that they are intriqued about why I choose the topics I choose. But surely this hypothetical reader is not a complete & total moron. Are you? You can at least read, right? Do you know what "whither" means? Have you ever read anything by Walt Whitman? I'm sure he said "whither" all the time. He was probably in the middle of a Washington DC hospital & he'd be like, "Excuse me, doctor, whither the lavoratory?" & the doctor was like, "Jesus Christ, Walt, it's the fucking 19th century, can't you talk like a modern man?" & Walt was all like, "Ooo, she's upset, isn't she?"
My sharp reader might notice that I used the word "whither" in the above sentence to mean something different than I use it to mean in the titles of my Wednesday posts. That's because I was trying to make you doubt your own understanding of the word's meaning. Did it work? Or did you think it was a lame, debate-team-ish move that deserves only scorn? "Whither" can mean "to where" both figuratively & literally. I use it figuratively; Walt Whitman used it literally when he was hitting on doctors.
To continue: you're not a moron & you're aware that it's the week before Christmas & some deejays enjoy - nay, feel compelled - to do Christmas shows. Some do them way too much. Some of them play that fucking Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" song like it's some kind of classic & not the exact song they played at Abu Ghraib right before they sicced the dogs on the prisoners' legs. Seriously, I could take any amount of Windham Hill Christmas shit over that Springsteen travesty. I'm surprised it doesn't routinely clear malls. In a world where people weren't force-fed music on commercial radio, it would. & Springsteen would find himself lynched by the first group that ran into him.
In sum: it's the week before Christmas & I am doing the Christmas show I always do. But when I say "I always do," I don't mean, "I am playing the same recordings I usually play," like deejays who are less inventive than myself do. No, every song I play Friday will be a song I have never played before. & it will be a magical holiday show for the entire family. Or maybe not for your grandfather. He takes himself way too seriously. Put some valium in his egg nog - only then will he be truly able to digest my world-famous Christmas show.
You'll do fine, though.
Surely someone listens to Self Help Radio. Even if that someone is my mother, who can't listen because she lives two hundred miles away & doesn't have a computer. Also, she's German. She does perhaps listen to recordings of the shows that I send her, but she is, after all, German. Anyway, if I am writing to a generic "listener," & that listener isn't my mother, to whom am I writing? I don't normally drink a lot before I write anything, so I can't be hallucinating, although I do sometimes have lucid dreams when I am really exhausted. Have I ever dreamed about writing stuff in this blog? I don't remember either way, but I have dreamed about finding my house rearranged in ways that are not structurally possible. Therefore, I believe the way that reality can be manipulated in dreams in such a way that makes a kind of irrational sense is the same way I should perceive the readership of this blog. You are the reader of my dreams.
Now, since someone listens to Self Help Radio & also reads this blog, at least in sleepytimeland, there is therefore the presumption that they are intriqued about why I choose the topics I choose. But surely this hypothetical reader is not a complete & total moron. Are you? You can at least read, right? Do you know what "whither" means? Have you ever read anything by Walt Whitman? I'm sure he said "whither" all the time. He was probably in the middle of a Washington DC hospital & he'd be like, "Excuse me, doctor, whither the lavoratory?" & the doctor was like, "Jesus Christ, Walt, it's the fucking 19th century, can't you talk like a modern man?" & Walt was all like, "Ooo, she's upset, isn't she?"
My sharp reader might notice that I used the word "whither" in the above sentence to mean something different than I use it to mean in the titles of my Wednesday posts. That's because I was trying to make you doubt your own understanding of the word's meaning. Did it work? Or did you think it was a lame, debate-team-ish move that deserves only scorn? "Whither" can mean "to where" both figuratively & literally. I use it figuratively; Walt Whitman used it literally when he was hitting on doctors.
To continue: you're not a moron & you're aware that it's the week before Christmas & some deejays enjoy - nay, feel compelled - to do Christmas shows. Some do them way too much. Some of them play that fucking Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" song like it's some kind of classic & not the exact song they played at Abu Ghraib right before they sicced the dogs on the prisoners' legs. Seriously, I could take any amount of Windham Hill Christmas shit over that Springsteen travesty. I'm surprised it doesn't routinely clear malls. In a world where people weren't force-fed music on commercial radio, it would. & Springsteen would find himself lynched by the first group that ran into him.
In sum: it's the week before Christmas & I am doing the Christmas show I always do. But when I say "I always do," I don't mean, "I am playing the same recordings I usually play," like deejays who are less inventive than myself do. No, every song I play Friday will be a song I have never played before. & it will be a magical holiday show for the entire family. Or maybe not for your grandfather. He takes himself way too seriously. Put some valium in his egg nog - only then will he be truly able to digest my world-famous Christmas show.
You'll do fine, though.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Preface To Christmas 2006: Ho Is Short For What?
I don't know why I love Christmas music. I wasn't raised religious & Christ isn't my lord & savior. I grew up in Dallas, Texas, where Jesus may vacation, but where it can get cold but it rarely snows, & never enough to ride sleds or skate. We were lucky if a snowman lasted more than three hours. I have no real clue why the fuck I love Christmas music so much.
All I know is, I ain't the only one. Have you seen the amount of Christmas music out there? Someone is buying the John Tesh/Green Day Xmas Extravaganza. I think perhaps the reason so many people loathe Christmas music is because of the sheer volume of it. I would venture a guess that the amount of schlocky Christmas music outnumbers the amount of sincere religious music (hymns & what-not) written for the Baby Jesus by tenfold. If not more. For example: John Denver produced fifty-nine Christmas records during the 1970s alone. (Eighteen were with the muppets, of course, & at least thirteen were with Satan.)
Oh, & there are a lot of Christmas music blogs, too. I couldn't link to them all. (Or I could, but I'm lazy.) Most of them, as you might imagine, are the sort that collect the treacly commercial Christmas pap you've heard you're entire life - Celine Dion's Wonderful Chanukah Memories & An Elton John Kwanzaa, for example - but there are some skewed gems out there. I have surfed a few of them - I am in awe at some folks' OCD natures & their need to find that Quick Draw McGraw Christmas Song at all costs.
(I hope there's a Quick Draw McGraw Christmas Song - I don't know if there is. But it's very sad to note the passing of someone who was very important to me in my childhood - Joe Barbera. While I don't really have much interest anymore in Hanna-Barbera cartoons - with the exception of their early Tom & Jerry - I did eat them up as a child, from the Flintstones to Scooby Doo to Laff-A-Lympics. Goodbye & thank you, Joseph Barbera, for enriching my childhood so much.)
Okay, things got heavy for a second. Where was I? I might have been wanting to explain why people love Christmas music so much - above the obvious, people who are celebrating their faith - but I did start out asking why I like Christmas music so much. I don't know. I do know that I like it just enough - that too much is really too much. People who have been playing Christmas music since just after Thanksgiving are doing it a disservice. The Law Of The Conservation Of Music Quality (which holds that 99% of most of the music produced will suck hard, & that 99% of the people who consume the sucky music will like it because it's overplayed) applies to Christmas music, too. Good Christmas music can be ruined by too much repetition. Producers of radio out there, I beg of you! Only one Christmas show per year! If you must!
So why do I like Christmas music so much? I think it's for three reasons:
1) There are a finite number of famous songs that can be made & remade - & remixed - a billion ways. Most of these songs have gorgeous melodies. They are familiar but you can still be surprised.
2) Christmas is rife with possibilities for absurd songs in the way a holiday like Halloween is, & in exactly the sort of way that a holiday like Easter is not. Plus, everyone eventually writes a song about Christmas. Sometimes without even knowing it.
3) In both cases, self-importance & pompousness (for whatever reason - ego, bloated religiosity, incompetence) can easily trump the lack of talent & often even the message. That's delicious.
So I like Christmas music. Is that why I do a Christmas show every year? I'll answer that tomorrow.
All I know is, I ain't the only one. Have you seen the amount of Christmas music out there? Someone is buying the John Tesh/Green Day Xmas Extravaganza. I think perhaps the reason so many people loathe Christmas music is because of the sheer volume of it. I would venture a guess that the amount of schlocky Christmas music outnumbers the amount of sincere religious music (hymns & what-not) written for the Baby Jesus by tenfold. If not more. For example: John Denver produced fifty-nine Christmas records during the 1970s alone. (Eighteen were with the muppets, of course, & at least thirteen were with Satan.)
Oh, & there are a lot of Christmas music blogs, too. I couldn't link to them all. (Or I could, but I'm lazy.) Most of them, as you might imagine, are the sort that collect the treacly commercial Christmas pap you've heard you're entire life - Celine Dion's Wonderful Chanukah Memories & An Elton John Kwanzaa, for example - but there are some skewed gems out there. I have surfed a few of them - I am in awe at some folks' OCD natures & their need to find that Quick Draw McGraw Christmas Song at all costs.
(I hope there's a Quick Draw McGraw Christmas Song - I don't know if there is. But it's very sad to note the passing of someone who was very important to me in my childhood - Joe Barbera. While I don't really have much interest anymore in Hanna-Barbera cartoons - with the exception of their early Tom & Jerry - I did eat them up as a child, from the Flintstones to Scooby Doo to Laff-A-Lympics. Goodbye & thank you, Joseph Barbera, for enriching my childhood so much.)
Okay, things got heavy for a second. Where was I? I might have been wanting to explain why people love Christmas music so much - above the obvious, people who are celebrating their faith - but I did start out asking why I like Christmas music so much. I don't know. I do know that I like it just enough - that too much is really too much. People who have been playing Christmas music since just after Thanksgiving are doing it a disservice. The Law Of The Conservation Of Music Quality (which holds that 99% of most of the music produced will suck hard, & that 99% of the people who consume the sucky music will like it because it's overplayed) applies to Christmas music, too. Good Christmas music can be ruined by too much repetition. Producers of radio out there, I beg of you! Only one Christmas show per year! If you must!
So why do I like Christmas music so much? I think it's for three reasons:
1) There are a finite number of famous songs that can be made & remade - & remixed - a billion ways. Most of these songs have gorgeous melodies. They are familiar but you can still be surprised.
2) Christmas is rife with possibilities for absurd songs in the way a holiday like Halloween is, & in exactly the sort of way that a holiday like Easter is not. Plus, everyone eventually writes a song about Christmas. Sometimes without even knowing it.
3) In both cases, self-importance & pompousness (for whatever reason - ego, bloated religiosity, incompetence) can easily trump the lack of talent & often even the message. That's delicious.
So I like Christmas music. Is that why I do a Christmas show every year? I'll answer that tomorrow.
Monday, December 18, 2006
2006 Haiku Wrap Up
My first show in KOOP's snazzy new studios went very well, & should be up on the Self Help Radio website by the end of the day today. This week's show - which I will of course talk about enlessly on this blog - will be my world-famous Christmas show. By world-famous, of course, I mean that my mother enjoys it. She taught me what "world-famous" means. (It means that your mother enjoys it. Right?)
Last week's show was made up of my favorite songs of 2006 & it would have been absurd (though, come to think of it, not entirely unlike me) to ask you to write a haiku about my favorite songs, so I suggested you write about the year 2006. Most of you, instead, opted to write about the year ending. This is what you nice folks sent me, & how they ranked, from fourth to first.
FOURTH PLACE: Carla
I guess this year sucked
But I’m used to them sucking
I didn’t notice
THIRD PLACE: Lauren
Piano keys held
All weight on crushing fingers
Last chord of the year
SECOND PLACE: Gabriel
Darker earlier
Insert your own metaphor
I’m going to bed
FIRST PLACE: John
Leaves fall, the year ends
Time swirls down the gutter in
Warm December rain
Ach, ye hade the touch o' the poet this week, dintcha now?
If you are in the mood to write a holiday haiku, visit the Self Help Radio haiku page for more information & to send a haiku. It's better than being published!
Last week's show was made up of my favorite songs of 2006 & it would have been absurd (though, come to think of it, not entirely unlike me) to ask you to write a haiku about my favorite songs, so I suggested you write about the year 2006. Most of you, instead, opted to write about the year ending. This is what you nice folks sent me, & how they ranked, from fourth to first.
FOURTH PLACE: Carla
I guess this year sucked
But I’m used to them sucking
I didn’t notice
THIRD PLACE: Lauren
Piano keys held
All weight on crushing fingers
Last chord of the year
SECOND PLACE: Gabriel
Darker earlier
Insert your own metaphor
I’m going to bed
FIRST PLACE: John
Leaves fall, the year ends
Time swirls down the gutter in
Warm December rain
Ach, ye hade the touch o' the poet this week, dintcha now?
If you are in the mood to write a holiday haiku, visit the Self Help Radio haiku page for more information & to send a haiku. It's better than being published!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Answering Letters Is All I Know How To Do Baby!
It's Thursday, it's time for another dip into the Self Help Radio emailbox. This email is from someone called Ms. X. She writes:
GARY! Why don't you do more electronic shows??? People love it!!
Yes, Gary. Why don't you do more shows that maybe will bring in an underserved audience & maybe even net you a little notoriety as "that dude who does the way cool electronica show on KOOP"? Instead of what you're known as now, if you're known at all - as that guy who talks too much on that weird show on Fridays. What up?
I guess I'm being stubborn. I listen to & love a lot of electronica - but I like other stuff, too. I've subbed a lot of shows at KOOP, from the reggae show to the "punk" show, & hopefully I did a good job, because I like a lot of music from a lot of different genres. Being trapped in one genre would be... I dunno... Scary. Sad. Even if ithe genre deserved its own radio show, which I totally think it does.
I am involved with the Training Committee at KOOP, & I have encouraged newcomers who are interested in electronica to get involved at KOOP & work toward getting a show. But KOOP doesn't just give you a show if you have a good idea & show up - you have to become involved in this all-volunteer org. & some people don't have the time to give, so they drift away. Alas! Alack! A really good electronic show is much needed in this town - & I don't really know of one. Do you?
I'll try to tailor my themes to fit more electronica in, but I'll keep Self Help Radio the way I've always done it, because it suits me to show off as much as what I love as I can. Do keep listening, though. Robots will win in the end, unless the zombies get them first.
Wanna ask me a question? No? I'll let you call me names! Yeah! Email me!
GARY! Why don't you do more electronic shows??? People love it!!
Yes, Gary. Why don't you do more shows that maybe will bring in an underserved audience & maybe even net you a little notoriety as "that dude who does the way cool electronica show on KOOP"? Instead of what you're known as now, if you're known at all - as that guy who talks too much on that weird show on Fridays. What up?
I guess I'm being stubborn. I listen to & love a lot of electronica - but I like other stuff, too. I've subbed a lot of shows at KOOP, from the reggae show to the "punk" show, & hopefully I did a good job, because I like a lot of music from a lot of different genres. Being trapped in one genre would be... I dunno... Scary. Sad. Even if ithe genre deserved its own radio show, which I totally think it does.
I am involved with the Training Committee at KOOP, & I have encouraged newcomers who are interested in electronica to get involved at KOOP & work toward getting a show. But KOOP doesn't just give you a show if you have a good idea & show up - you have to become involved in this all-volunteer org. & some people don't have the time to give, so they drift away. Alas! Alack! A really good electronic show is much needed in this town - & I don't really know of one. Do you?
I'll try to tailor my themes to fit more electronica in, but I'll keep Self Help Radio the way I've always done it, because it suits me to show off as much as what I love as I can. Do keep listening, though. Robots will win in the end, unless the zombies get them first.
Wanna ask me a question? No? I'll let you call me names! Yeah! Email me!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Whither My Favorite Music Of 2006?
I wrote yesterday about "best of" lists & ended the post with a question: Why is my "best of" list better than anyone else's?
The answer is: it isn't. It's just mine. That's the reason it was called "best of" last year but this year is called "Gary's favorite."
I am fascinated by people's opinions because we have the desperate need to defend them as if not liking what we like &/or not thinking what we think is an utter rejection of us as a fellow human. (& if it's not believing what we believe - people kill for that shit.) I love to read music & movie & tv reviews that contain opinions wildly different from mine - & those that have ones that are in total agreement with mine - if & only if the reviewers explain themselves. There are reasons for pretty much everything, & thoughtful people will graciously explain why they feel the way they do, & I love a decently reasoned argument.
It's one of my great struggles to not make my opinions sound like they have the force of facts, although I can be dismissive & condescending with the best (the worst) of them. Opinions are never facts, but they approach factness (to an observer/listener) when the reasoning behind the opinion is strongest. So, for example, you may really love the newest Britney's Destiny's Lindsay song on the radio, but if all you have to say about it is that it's catchy, I'm probably not going to pay much attention to it - I believe that commercial radio plays the same thing over & over just to get it lodged in your head, & therefore your observation of it as "catchy" isn't much of a defense. If you, on the other hand, explain the song in terms of the evolution of pre-fab pop from the Brill Building to Motown to Bubblegum to trends in synthetic soul in the 80's & 90's, well, I'll be impressed, but I probably still won't like it. But I'll understand you like it because of some predisposition toward corporate music creation. I'll be able to understand why you like what you like.
Which also mean that I have a sense of what you like &, with more opinions, I'll be able to gauge whether or not we have anything in common - & then I can start treating your opinions as guideposts, telling me whether I'd like something or not.
There are people whose opinions I am completely in disagreement with, but whose reasons are compelling. I like reviewers like that a lot. Sometimes more than the people I agree with more than 90% of the time.
I probably won't be explaining myself too terribly much on Friday - instead, I'll be playing music I like & hope you'll like it, too. (I mean, I always do that, but this is about what I liked best from this year.) In the end, opinions can lead you somewhere, but you have to make your own mind up. If the music I like sucks, any urging on my part won't help. & however glowing my reviews, if it's great - & it is - I can never do it justice with mere words.
Someone wrote & asked if I wanted to end "best of" lists. I don't really care. Most people who make those sorts of lists are either doing it because they feel obligated, or they're egotists anyway. Just remember: they're just a list of things people like. They're not supposed to make you feel bad, or feel like you should make your own list. Just read - or in the case of my show, listen - & feel how you want to feel.
The answer is: it isn't. It's just mine. That's the reason it was called "best of" last year but this year is called "Gary's favorite."
I am fascinated by people's opinions because we have the desperate need to defend them as if not liking what we like &/or not thinking what we think is an utter rejection of us as a fellow human. (& if it's not believing what we believe - people kill for that shit.) I love to read music & movie & tv reviews that contain opinions wildly different from mine - & those that have ones that are in total agreement with mine - if & only if the reviewers explain themselves. There are reasons for pretty much everything, & thoughtful people will graciously explain why they feel the way they do, & I love a decently reasoned argument.
It's one of my great struggles to not make my opinions sound like they have the force of facts, although I can be dismissive & condescending with the best (the worst) of them. Opinions are never facts, but they approach factness (to an observer/listener) when the reasoning behind the opinion is strongest. So, for example, you may really love the newest Britney's Destiny's Lindsay song on the radio, but if all you have to say about it is that it's catchy, I'm probably not going to pay much attention to it - I believe that commercial radio plays the same thing over & over just to get it lodged in your head, & therefore your observation of it as "catchy" isn't much of a defense. If you, on the other hand, explain the song in terms of the evolution of pre-fab pop from the Brill Building to Motown to Bubblegum to trends in synthetic soul in the 80's & 90's, well, I'll be impressed, but I probably still won't like it. But I'll understand you like it because of some predisposition toward corporate music creation. I'll be able to understand why you like what you like.
Which also mean that I have a sense of what you like &, with more opinions, I'll be able to gauge whether or not we have anything in common - & then I can start treating your opinions as guideposts, telling me whether I'd like something or not.
There are people whose opinions I am completely in disagreement with, but whose reasons are compelling. I like reviewers like that a lot. Sometimes more than the people I agree with more than 90% of the time.
I probably won't be explaining myself too terribly much on Friday - instead, I'll be playing music I like & hope you'll like it, too. (I mean, I always do that, but this is about what I liked best from this year.) In the end, opinions can lead you somewhere, but you have to make your own mind up. If the music I like sucks, any urging on my part won't help. & however glowing my reviews, if it's great - & it is - I can never do it justice with mere words.
Someone wrote & asked if I wanted to end "best of" lists. I don't really care. Most people who make those sorts of lists are either doing it because they feel obligated, or they're egotists anyway. Just remember: they're just a list of things people like. They're not supposed to make you feel bad, or feel like you should make your own list. Just read - or in the case of my show, listen - & feel how you want to feel.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Preface To Gary's Favorite Music Of 2006: What Is A Best Of List & How Does One Avoid Them?
Boy, best of lists make people mad. People argue over best of lists all the time, it's freaky. I was thinking the first real bust-up about a best of list is when that Moses guy showed all of his friends his "Best Laws From The Mountaintop" list & they were like, "We only have one law, & it's that the Golden Calf - it rules!" & he was like, "Fuck you, you die!" I guess I shouldn't be so mad, then, when a pal & I disagree on what Dylan's best songs are - at least he's not killing every third male I know.
I love best of lists, not because I care whether someone agrees with me or not - I do like it, like everyone else, when people like what I play on my show - but because I like to read people explain why they like stuff. Since taste is the science of opinion, the supporting "evidence" is more important. You might not think much of Brian Wilson - & I don't, he does next to nothing for me - but the evidence suggest that he's important, since a vast majority of people who really listen to music (contrasted with those for whom music may be something they like & use to pass the time, but they don't go any deeper than that) think he's very important in the history of recording. You're allowed to have your opinion, & there's no right or wrong - but you'll be (with me) in the minority.
Unfortunately, the world's a lot more complicated since Pet Sounds, & there's much, much more music out there, with as many songs written per day as there are myspace pages going up. The best of lists that'll soon be popping up, if they haven't already, will be filled with what you'd expect: Dylan's new record, either Neil Young's new one or the Fillmore East rerelease, Tom Waits' new collection, the new project by the White Stripes dude, & if there's a noteworthy comeback or if there's a flavor of the year (this year's Bloc Party or Franz Ferdinand), they'll be on it, too.
They won't be on any 2006 best of lists because they are good, although some (a small fraction) might have their merits. No, nothing Neil Young, Bob Dylan or Tom Waits can do at this point in their careers will ever match the greatness of their earlier stuff. They are rasping, gasping shadows of their former selves & it's our devoted dog love that makes us see them live & buy their records & force them down our throats. I love that humans are sentimental - I can be the same way, too, so I'm not trying to say it's in & of itself a bad thing - but every spin of a dinosaur's attempt to make himself richer drowns out all those bands that deserve their moment in your field of vision (or hearing). Not because they're better than the best of these old farts - some of them are trying to sound exactly like the best of those old farts - but because what they're doing now has more vibrancy, more vitality, more soul than the retreads those old bastards are selling you.
I'm not pretending I'm telling you anything new, of course. As for the flavors du jour - your White Stripes, for example - they might be worth paying attention to, but the truth is, they got lucky & were squeezed past the exclusive front rope at the Corporate Radio Bullshit Club & as long as they pay their dues, they'll get to be on the charts with the small community of People Who Get Rich Being Musicians. Usually that means whatever got them there in the first place will quickly be stamped out. I sometimes pay attention - I mentioned last week, I did listen to the new Flaming Lips - but while I feel some bands deserve to have a certain notoriety, what their doing is usually no longer terribly interesting. Maybe it's the direction they've taken, or maybe it's the sameness of their "innovation." Either way, it leaves me bored. But I was talking about lists.
Most of the critics who make these best of lists don't actually go out & buy records, you know. Maybe - maybe - some of them are actually fans & maybe they spend their big bucks on older records - but the vast majority of them get their records for free, from record companies that can afford to print thousands of comps. (I shouldn't complain - a lot of the employees of the places that hire these critics get copies, too, & put them out there for downloaders to sample a long time before they're commercially available, & that's awesome!) So they're not listening to anything more than a small fraction of what's released that year, & they are paying attention to the Grammy Mentality - "it has made money, therefore it's important." Hooray! Justin Timberlake is a Artist!
Think about this when you see the "Best Of 2006" lists. Even from cool folks like the your local alternative weekly. They get tons of shit for free you bet. We're human - that influences us like campaign donations influence politicians. & when you have nothing to listen to but the free shit you get from Big Corporations, you'll find something you like in it. But there's so much more.
I'll have some of that so much more Friday. But why is my "best of" better than anyone else's? I'll defend myself tomorrow.
I love best of lists, not because I care whether someone agrees with me or not - I do like it, like everyone else, when people like what I play on my show - but because I like to read people explain why they like stuff. Since taste is the science of opinion, the supporting "evidence" is more important. You might not think much of Brian Wilson - & I don't, he does next to nothing for me - but the evidence suggest that he's important, since a vast majority of people who really listen to music (contrasted with those for whom music may be something they like & use to pass the time, but they don't go any deeper than that) think he's very important in the history of recording. You're allowed to have your opinion, & there's no right or wrong - but you'll be (with me) in the minority.
Unfortunately, the world's a lot more complicated since Pet Sounds, & there's much, much more music out there, with as many songs written per day as there are myspace pages going up. The best of lists that'll soon be popping up, if they haven't already, will be filled with what you'd expect: Dylan's new record, either Neil Young's new one or the Fillmore East rerelease, Tom Waits' new collection, the new project by the White Stripes dude, & if there's a noteworthy comeback or if there's a flavor of the year (this year's Bloc Party or Franz Ferdinand), they'll be on it, too.
They won't be on any 2006 best of lists because they are good, although some (a small fraction) might have their merits. No, nothing Neil Young, Bob Dylan or Tom Waits can do at this point in their careers will ever match the greatness of their earlier stuff. They are rasping, gasping shadows of their former selves & it's our devoted dog love that makes us see them live & buy their records & force them down our throats. I love that humans are sentimental - I can be the same way, too, so I'm not trying to say it's in & of itself a bad thing - but every spin of a dinosaur's attempt to make himself richer drowns out all those bands that deserve their moment in your field of vision (or hearing). Not because they're better than the best of these old farts - some of them are trying to sound exactly like the best of those old farts - but because what they're doing now has more vibrancy, more vitality, more soul than the retreads those old bastards are selling you.
I'm not pretending I'm telling you anything new, of course. As for the flavors du jour - your White Stripes, for example - they might be worth paying attention to, but the truth is, they got lucky & were squeezed past the exclusive front rope at the Corporate Radio Bullshit Club & as long as they pay their dues, they'll get to be on the charts with the small community of People Who Get Rich Being Musicians. Usually that means whatever got them there in the first place will quickly be stamped out. I sometimes pay attention - I mentioned last week, I did listen to the new Flaming Lips - but while I feel some bands deserve to have a certain notoriety, what their doing is usually no longer terribly interesting. Maybe it's the direction they've taken, or maybe it's the sameness of their "innovation." Either way, it leaves me bored. But I was talking about lists.
Most of the critics who make these best of lists don't actually go out & buy records, you know. Maybe - maybe - some of them are actually fans & maybe they spend their big bucks on older records - but the vast majority of them get their records for free, from record companies that can afford to print thousands of comps. (I shouldn't complain - a lot of the employees of the places that hire these critics get copies, too, & put them out there for downloaders to sample a long time before they're commercially available, & that's awesome!) So they're not listening to anything more than a small fraction of what's released that year, & they are paying attention to the Grammy Mentality - "it has made money, therefore it's important." Hooray! Justin Timberlake is a Artist!
Think about this when you see the "Best Of 2006" lists. Even from cool folks like the your local alternative weekly. They get tons of shit for free you bet. We're human - that influences us like campaign donations influence politicians. & when you have nothing to listen to but the free shit you get from Big Corporations, you'll find something you like in it. But there's so much more.
I'll have some of that so much more Friday. But why is my "best of" better than anyone else's? I'll defend myself tomorrow.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Screw The Haiku Wrap-Up - KOOP's In Its New Digs!
Wow. It feels like a million years ago (tho it's been barely twelve months) since KOOP's downtown studio was trashed by two fires in one month - so it seems like a hazy, hopeful dream suddenly, astonishly realized that KOOP is now broadcasting from its new location at 3823 Airport Blvd. There's media about it videowise from a local news station & printmediawise from a local newspaper. Incredible.
So my show this Friday will be aired from the new space. & space is the word - the deejay booth ("studio one" the esteemed Thomas Durnin calls it in the video interview above) is larger than two living rooms. The equipment is state of the art, & KOOP's illustrious Training Team worked double overtime for more than a week to get the current programmers up to speed.
If you only know me as the fellow what does "Self Help Radio," you don't really know my commitment to & complete love of the radio station at which I volunteer. The fact is, like other KOOP volunteers, I am often accused by my partner of "cheating" with KOOP - that's how deep the love goes. I hope some of you have a chance to visit the new place - especially those of you who've helped us financially in the past year. Your money went a long way, & we owe you the deepest debt of gratitude. We hope we can pay it off with great programming from now until radio is replaced by futuristic cerebral thought/music implants. Or at the very least tricorders.
Last week's show was my favorite electronica of the year - but during the show, at which I was giving away CDs of the electronica I was playing, we went off the air for the last third of my show. If you were hoping to win one of the CDs, but couldn't because you weren't listening online, please send me an email & I'll see about finding a fair way to get some of the music to you. Or you can wait until the end of the day, when the entire show will be saved in tasty, bite-sized mp3 on the archive section of the Self Help Radio website. It should be there before 5pm, I promise.
This week's show is my favorite music of 2006 oh boy. Write a haiku about 2006 for that show! Here are the haikus (I only got three) from this week:
THIRD PLACE: Doug
I am a dance floor.
Somebody needs to mop me.
Add a coat of wax.
SECOND PLACE: Amy
The robots one day
Will attempt to talk to us
In beeps & in beats.
FIRST PLACE: David
You can’t dance to this
It makes you feel bare & cold
Electronica.
Congrats all. Tomorrow: who makes "best of" lists, & why?
So my show this Friday will be aired from the new space. & space is the word - the deejay booth ("studio one" the esteemed Thomas Durnin calls it in the video interview above) is larger than two living rooms. The equipment is state of the art, & KOOP's illustrious Training Team worked double overtime for more than a week to get the current programmers up to speed.
If you only know me as the fellow what does "Self Help Radio," you don't really know my commitment to & complete love of the radio station at which I volunteer. The fact is, like other KOOP volunteers, I am often accused by my partner of "cheating" with KOOP - that's how deep the love goes. I hope some of you have a chance to visit the new place - especially those of you who've helped us financially in the past year. Your money went a long way, & we owe you the deepest debt of gratitude. We hope we can pay it off with great programming from now until radio is replaced by futuristic cerebral thought/music implants. Or at the very least tricorders.
Last week's show was my favorite electronica of the year - but during the show, at which I was giving away CDs of the electronica I was playing, we went off the air for the last third of my show. If you were hoping to win one of the CDs, but couldn't because you weren't listening online, please send me an email & I'll see about finding a fair way to get some of the music to you. Or you can wait until the end of the day, when the entire show will be saved in tasty, bite-sized mp3 on the archive section of the Self Help Radio website. It should be there before 5pm, I promise.
This week's show is my favorite music of 2006 oh boy. Write a haiku about 2006 for that show! Here are the haikus (I only got three) from this week:
THIRD PLACE: Doug
I am a dance floor.
Somebody needs to mop me.
Add a coat of wax.
SECOND PLACE: Amy
The robots one day
Will attempt to talk to us
In beeps & in beats.
FIRST PLACE: David
You can’t dance to this
It makes you feel bare & cold
Electronica.
Congrats all. Tomorrow: who makes "best of" lists, & why?
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I May Be An Idiot, But I Answer Another Letter!
Here is a nice letter from someone named Scot with one t:
Gary, I like that you are doing a show about electronica but I thought I would ask -- why do you like electronica? I am not a big fan myself but I like to ask people why they like it. Do you mind??
I don't mind, but you should know there's a story behind it. It begins (as everything does) in the womb.
That's not true! It begins around the time I learned to read. I loved reading, & I read everything. & when I discovered music, I focused not on the music itself, but on the words. It made perfect sense that the music I loved tended to have words that were silly, or clever, or just deep enough that I could waste time thinking about what they meant. (An example is the song "Rocket Man" by Elton John - as an eight-year-old I was fascinated by the idea of a "rocket man" as a job "five days a week." Or in John Lennon's "Come Together" - the obvious of "one & one & one is three" baffled me in a delightful way.)
So when songs like the ones I played in my Brief History Of Sampling show started to come about, I was far more interested in the samples than the music. Though, let's be honest here - I had already made a decision about the music. I rejected commercial crap pretty quickly, & that included metal, synthetic "soul," & mainstream "country" music. So I did care about the music in its way, but I might not have liked a record of, say, Cure instrumentals as much as The Head On The Door.
Somewhere in my early-to-late twenties, I started listening to jazz. Jazz teaches you a vocabulary of something other than words, & if you start (like I did) with early jazz & Big Band, they sneak it at you, first with songs with singers, then slowly eliminating the singers entirely.
Finding electronic music, samples & all, intriguing, & having a small but growing background in jazz, set me up for what came later - hanging around people who love electronica. I worked in a place where we fought over the background music - it was a video store - & lots of the music a couple of the clerks played was electronic. I was in a position where, to listen to what I liked, I had to spend some time listening to what the other workers liked. As is usually the case when the music is good, I discovered I really liked a lot of what the others liked. & they weren't listening to "house" or "techno" - it was electronica that wasn't made for dancing. (Amusingly, this is called IDM, or intelligent dance music.)
After that, my own scavenging obsessive nature took over, & now, even without the vocals, I listen to a lot of electronica. Since I am verbally-oriented, it's great to listen to when I am doing something like writing. Or when it's late & dark & your thoughts are your own. Or, of course, when you wanna dance.
& yeah, a lot of electronica still has words. But most of what I'll play tomorrow does not.
Thanks for the letter! Anyone can write me anything!
& if you're still reading: I have recently put up last week's show, & two recent subbing gigs - the Elk Mating Show & the Lounge Show in German - on my archive page. Go have a listen!
Gary, I like that you are doing a show about electronica but I thought I would ask -- why do you like electronica? I am not a big fan myself but I like to ask people why they like it. Do you mind??
I don't mind, but you should know there's a story behind it. It begins (as everything does) in the womb.
That's not true! It begins around the time I learned to read. I loved reading, & I read everything. & when I discovered music, I focused not on the music itself, but on the words. It made perfect sense that the music I loved tended to have words that were silly, or clever, or just deep enough that I could waste time thinking about what they meant. (An example is the song "Rocket Man" by Elton John - as an eight-year-old I was fascinated by the idea of a "rocket man" as a job "five days a week." Or in John Lennon's "Come Together" - the obvious of "one & one & one is three" baffled me in a delightful way.)
So when songs like the ones I played in my Brief History Of Sampling show started to come about, I was far more interested in the samples than the music. Though, let's be honest here - I had already made a decision about the music. I rejected commercial crap pretty quickly, & that included metal, synthetic "soul," & mainstream "country" music. So I did care about the music in its way, but I might not have liked a record of, say, Cure instrumentals as much as The Head On The Door.
Somewhere in my early-to-late twenties, I started listening to jazz. Jazz teaches you a vocabulary of something other than words, & if you start (like I did) with early jazz & Big Band, they sneak it at you, first with songs with singers, then slowly eliminating the singers entirely.
Finding electronic music, samples & all, intriguing, & having a small but growing background in jazz, set me up for what came later - hanging around people who love electronica. I worked in a place where we fought over the background music - it was a video store - & lots of the music a couple of the clerks played was electronic. I was in a position where, to listen to what I liked, I had to spend some time listening to what the other workers liked. As is usually the case when the music is good, I discovered I really liked a lot of what the others liked. & they weren't listening to "house" or "techno" - it was electronica that wasn't made for dancing. (Amusingly, this is called IDM, or intelligent dance music.)
After that, my own scavenging obsessive nature took over, & now, even without the vocals, I listen to a lot of electronica. Since I am verbally-oriented, it's great to listen to when I am doing something like writing. Or when it's late & dark & your thoughts are your own. Or, of course, when you wanna dance.
& yeah, a lot of electronica still has words. But most of what I'll play tomorrow does not.
Thanks for the letter! Anyone can write me anything!
& if you're still reading: I have recently put up last week's show, & two recent subbing gigs - the Elk Mating Show & the Lounge Show in German - on my archive page. Go have a listen!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Whither Gary's Favorite Electronica 2006?
Yeah, spill it. Why do you do one entire show on electonica & another show which (presumably) will contain your favorite rock, indie, indiepop, comedy, jazz, hiphop, country, kazzo music, show tunes, hardcore metal, hardcore pornography, & Christian music? What makes electronica so fucking special? Hunh?
I know you don't really care, but it's sweet of you to ask.
It's primarily because I really do listen to a lot of electronic music, but I hardly ever play it on my show. Why don't I play it more? There are a lot of reasons, but the two main ones are these:
1) I kinda like my shows to be quick, quirky & upbeat; a lot of the electronica I listen to is, unlike the common idea of electronic music, not really "dancey" or "beat-driven." Some of it is, but sometimes I am forced between sticking a gorgeously beautiful (but slow) electronic piece in the middle of two ridiculously bouncy indiepop songs or not playing it at all. A lot of the time, I forgo the electronic piece.
2) Since my shows are based on themes, & since a lot of electronic pieces are instrumental, the only way a lot of them can fit the theme is for the title of the piece to relate somehow. But electronica performers love to title their songs with silly words, made-up words, nonsense words. It makes it hard to attach them to a piece.
As an example, here's a track listing from a record by a prominent electronic artists, Autechre, who don't have a record out this year, but who were on my "best of" last year.
Xylin Room
IV VV IV VV VIII
61e.CR
Tapr
Surripere
Theme of Sudden Roundabout
VL Al 5
P.:Ntil
V-Proc
Reniform Puls
I'll work on my show about "V-Proc" just as soon as I find other songs about it. Any other song. Maybe I'll write eighty minutes worth of songs about it.
I should also point out (since I made the argument myself, I can easily rebut myself, sucka!) that the situation with having one day for electronica & another day for "everything else" is kind of misleading, since I don't really listen to "everything else." I pay almost no attention to commercial rock, pop, country, hiphop or soul. I don't listen to a whole lot of world music or jazz, & most of what I listen to of that is usually older when I get to it. Bands that a lot of people think of as alternative - like the Flaming Lips, let's say - I will still check out, but usually (I've found) critics & others tend to find their work exceptional because it's decent (& better than the majority of commercial radio crap), but they haven't heard everything else out there - they're really not digging deep enough. What my "favorite music of 2006" will doubtless focus on is indie rock, indiepop & some other stuff generally in that genre. The other stuff, like I said, I usually get to later. To my eternal shame.
There isn't enough time!
By the way, I found a website which apparently rates every album released during the year, although I'm not sure how. It's got a thousand album that came out this year listed (astonishing!). (The website is rateyourmusic.com.) Here are the top twenty:
01 "Ys" Joanna Newsom
02 "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards" Tom Waits
03 "Ashes Against The Grain" Agalloch
04 "Blood Mountain" Mastodon
05 "American V: A Hundred Highways" Johnny Cash
06 "A Matter Of Life & Death" Iron Maiden
07 "The Crane Wife" The Decemberists
08 "No Heroes" Converge
09 "10,000 Days" Tool
10 "The Drift" Scott Walker
11 "Return To Cookie Mountain" TV On The Radio
12 "Modern Times" Bob Dylan
13 "Score: 20th Anniversary World Tour" Dream Theater
14 "With Oden On Our Side" Amon Amarth
15 "Okonokos" My Morning Jacket
16 "Live At The Fillmore East" Neil Young
17 "We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions" Bruce Springsteen
18 "The Great Cold Distance" Katatonia
19 "Pure Reason Revolution" The Dark Third
20 "The Life Pursuit" Belle & Sebastian
Like with any kind of list - especially an anonymous one - it's important to take such conclusions with a grain or twelve of salt - but this list is especially intriguing for the weirdness of the amount of what I guess is hardcore or metal (eight, or nine if you count The Dark Third, which is a prog band) & the fact that Scott Walker's new record is tenth. Two of the records are by musicians who I feel are utterly irrelevant & I wish they'd stop making music & retire to their estates (Dylan & Springsteen), & two are basically re-releases or posthumous collections (Young & Cash). I reserve the right to withhold judgment on Tom Waits, although his last few records have been pretty dull. So I'll listen to the new one eventually - I just can't believe it'll make my favorites list.
In fact, there's only one record in that list that'll make my favorites. It's easy to know which one that is, especially if you know I don't really like TV On The Radio or My Morning Jacket, & that I found the new Decemberists record incredibly disappointing.
What is it? Find out a week from Friday. This week, though, it's all about the electronica.
I know you don't really care, but it's sweet of you to ask.
It's primarily because I really do listen to a lot of electronic music, but I hardly ever play it on my show. Why don't I play it more? There are a lot of reasons, but the two main ones are these:
1) I kinda like my shows to be quick, quirky & upbeat; a lot of the electronica I listen to is, unlike the common idea of electronic music, not really "dancey" or "beat-driven." Some of it is, but sometimes I am forced between sticking a gorgeously beautiful (but slow) electronic piece in the middle of two ridiculously bouncy indiepop songs or not playing it at all. A lot of the time, I forgo the electronic piece.
2) Since my shows are based on themes, & since a lot of electronic pieces are instrumental, the only way a lot of them can fit the theme is for the title of the piece to relate somehow. But electronica performers love to title their songs with silly words, made-up words, nonsense words. It makes it hard to attach them to a piece.
As an example, here's a track listing from a record by a prominent electronic artists, Autechre, who don't have a record out this year, but who were on my "best of" last year.
Xylin Room
IV VV IV VV VIII
61e.CR
Tapr
Surripere
Theme of Sudden Roundabout
VL Al 5
P.:Ntil
V-Proc
Reniform Puls
I'll work on my show about "V-Proc" just as soon as I find other songs about it. Any other song. Maybe I'll write eighty minutes worth of songs about it.
I should also point out (since I made the argument myself, I can easily rebut myself, sucka!) that the situation with having one day for electronica & another day for "everything else" is kind of misleading, since I don't really listen to "everything else." I pay almost no attention to commercial rock, pop, country, hiphop or soul. I don't listen to a whole lot of world music or jazz, & most of what I listen to of that is usually older when I get to it. Bands that a lot of people think of as alternative - like the Flaming Lips, let's say - I will still check out, but usually (I've found) critics & others tend to find their work exceptional because it's decent (& better than the majority of commercial radio crap), but they haven't heard everything else out there - they're really not digging deep enough. What my "favorite music of 2006" will doubtless focus on is indie rock, indiepop & some other stuff generally in that genre. The other stuff, like I said, I usually get to later. To my eternal shame.
There isn't enough time!
By the way, I found a website which apparently rates every album released during the year, although I'm not sure how. It's got a thousand album that came out this year listed (astonishing!). (The website is rateyourmusic.com.) Here are the top twenty:
01 "Ys" Joanna Newsom
02 "Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards" Tom Waits
03 "Ashes Against The Grain" Agalloch
04 "Blood Mountain" Mastodon
05 "American V: A Hundred Highways" Johnny Cash
06 "A Matter Of Life & Death" Iron Maiden
07 "The Crane Wife" The Decemberists
08 "No Heroes" Converge
09 "10,000 Days" Tool
10 "The Drift" Scott Walker
11 "Return To Cookie Mountain" TV On The Radio
12 "Modern Times" Bob Dylan
13 "Score: 20th Anniversary World Tour" Dream Theater
14 "With Oden On Our Side" Amon Amarth
15 "Okonokos" My Morning Jacket
16 "Live At The Fillmore East" Neil Young
17 "We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions" Bruce Springsteen
18 "The Great Cold Distance" Katatonia
19 "Pure Reason Revolution" The Dark Third
20 "The Life Pursuit" Belle & Sebastian
Like with any kind of list - especially an anonymous one - it's important to take such conclusions with a grain or twelve of salt - but this list is especially intriguing for the weirdness of the amount of what I guess is hardcore or metal (eight, or nine if you count The Dark Third, which is a prog band) & the fact that Scott Walker's new record is tenth. Two of the records are by musicians who I feel are utterly irrelevant & I wish they'd stop making music & retire to their estates (Dylan & Springsteen), & two are basically re-releases or posthumous collections (Young & Cash). I reserve the right to withhold judgment on Tom Waits, although his last few records have been pretty dull. So I'll listen to the new one eventually - I just can't believe it'll make my favorites list.
In fact, there's only one record in that list that'll make my favorites. It's easy to know which one that is, especially if you know I don't really like TV On The Radio or My Morning Jacket, & that I found the new Decemberists record incredibly disappointing.
What is it? Find out a week from Friday. This week, though, it's all about the electronica.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Preface To Gary's Favorite Electronica 2006: Beep Beep Beep Beep
People who are still talking to me often ask me why I separate "electronica" from "other music" when I do my "best of" (now called "favorite") shows of the year. The main answer for this is because I hardly ever play electronica on my show during the year, & I listen to a lot of electronica. But I can talk more about that tomorrow.
I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder but sometimes when I am typing, my eyes get hung up on a word. For example, the word "separate" up there. I know I spelled it right, but suddenly, after writing it, I was reminded that, when I was in 6th or 7th grade, & some mean English teacher corrected my misspelling of the word, it occured to me that there should be different rules for that word based on pronunciation. So, if you were going to use it meaning "apart," as in "separate beds," the regular spelling should apply; but if you were going to use the verb form, as in, "We were separated at birth," it should be spelled with an e instead of an a at the second vowel: seperate. Besides, it's how most people spell it anyway.
Nowadays when I write it like "seperate," it looks completely wrong. Thinking of how my 6th or 7th grade mind works, I think I was trying to make the spelling conform to the pronunciation, but I was a syllable too early - it should have been separete & separate.
That has nothing to do with electronica, it was just on my mind. I am perhaps too easily distracted, & the "anything goes" nature of this "blog" format makes it easy to go off on tangents. For example, I just realized I am using a lot of quotation marks in this entry, when normally I might italicize something to make a point - so I'd put the previous sentence this way: I am perhaps too easily distracted, & the anything goes nature of this blog format makes it easy to go off on tangents.
No, I was right to use quotation marks. Italics are not conveying the meaning I intend. Which also reminds me, a friend of mine who is otherwise rational-minded & relatively sane started sending me emails with emoticons in them. Out of the blue. Like he'd just discovered them. What's up with that? How long have humans been writing email back & forth? Surely he's seen an emoticon before. Maybe he's just being ironic. I hate it when he does that. I'd prefer him to be contrarian. He's a snob anyway.
This post was going to be a grand history or electronica, stretching back to the days when it was invented by ancient Greek sailors hanging out in North Africa with drum machines & synthesizers, back with Socrates was the hottest deejay in Athens, then moving on to the renaissance of Italian house with Galileo & his fucked-up rave culture, when kids would star into the sun for hours, & finally making some incredibly poignany comments about how, when the robots finally destroy us, human-made electronica would be as meaningless to them as whalesong is to us. I had a lot of this planned, & some great works to cite (including long passages from Shakespeare's "Dance Motherfucker Dance"), but I got distracted. I'm sorry.
Maybe I'll talk more tomorrow?
I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder but sometimes when I am typing, my eyes get hung up on a word. For example, the word "separate" up there. I know I spelled it right, but suddenly, after writing it, I was reminded that, when I was in 6th or 7th grade, & some mean English teacher corrected my misspelling of the word, it occured to me that there should be different rules for that word based on pronunciation. So, if you were going to use it meaning "apart," as in "separate beds," the regular spelling should apply; but if you were going to use the verb form, as in, "We were separated at birth," it should be spelled with an e instead of an a at the second vowel: seperate. Besides, it's how most people spell it anyway.
Nowadays when I write it like "seperate," it looks completely wrong. Thinking of how my 6th or 7th grade mind works, I think I was trying to make the spelling conform to the pronunciation, but I was a syllable too early - it should have been separete & separate.
That has nothing to do with electronica, it was just on my mind. I am perhaps too easily distracted, & the "anything goes" nature of this "blog" format makes it easy to go off on tangents. For example, I just realized I am using a lot of quotation marks in this entry, when normally I might italicize something to make a point - so I'd put the previous sentence this way: I am perhaps too easily distracted, & the anything goes nature of this blog format makes it easy to go off on tangents.
No, I was right to use quotation marks. Italics are not conveying the meaning I intend. Which also reminds me, a friend of mine who is otherwise rational-minded & relatively sane started sending me emails with emoticons in them. Out of the blue. Like he'd just discovered them. What's up with that? How long have humans been writing email back & forth? Surely he's seen an emoticon before. Maybe he's just being ironic. I hate it when he does that. I'd prefer him to be contrarian. He's a snob anyway.
This post was going to be a grand history or electronica, stretching back to the days when it was invented by ancient Greek sailors hanging out in North Africa with drum machines & synthesizers, back with Socrates was the hottest deejay in Athens, then moving on to the renaissance of Italian house with Galileo & his fucked-up rave culture, when kids would star into the sun for hours, & finally making some incredibly poignany comments about how, when the robots finally destroy us, human-made electronica would be as meaningless to them as whalesong is to us. I had a lot of this planned, & some great works to cite (including long passages from Shakespeare's "Dance Motherfucker Dance"), but I got distracted. I'm sorry.
Maybe I'll talk more tomorrow?
Monday, December 04, 2006
Magda's Birthday Haiku Wrap-Up
Well, Magda's birthday came & went, & another weekend was spent in the slammer, & I have two new tattoos given to me by strangers while I was out cold. One of them is a picture of Magda appearing to bite the area of my body where the tattoo is, & the other is a picture of a pretty young man which those in the gay club scene refer to as a "twink." The funny thing is, I didn't have any alcohol at Magda's party, but she is fond of drugging me & putting me in places (usually naked) where hilarity may ensue. That's why I love her!
Alas, no one wrote any birthday haikus, so I had to solicit entries from my children, who wrote haikus for their mother below. I must point out that the second-place winner did NOT follow the rules correctly, so the judges, who also happened to be the writers, were not given any treats during the weekend.
FIRST PLACE: Bolan
If it’s your birthday
& you have any cake left
You will give it me.
THIRD PLACE: Buster
I hate birthday cake
Unless it’s made from carrots
Ice cream on it too.
SECOND PLACE; Ringo
Cake, ice cream, whatever
Just leave food unattended
So I get to pick
FIRST PLACE: George
Shut up, everyone!
It’s mommy’s birthday today!
Show her you love her!
This week's show will be my favorite electronic music of the year, & if you would like to write a haiku about it, you just have to go here.
Birthdays are hazardous to my health, I think.
Alas, no one wrote any birthday haikus, so I had to solicit entries from my children, who wrote haikus for their mother below. I must point out that the second-place winner did NOT follow the rules correctly, so the judges, who also happened to be the writers, were not given any treats during the weekend.
FIRST PLACE: Bolan
If it’s your birthday
& you have any cake left
You will give it me.
THIRD PLACE: Buster
I hate birthday cake
Unless it’s made from carrots
Ice cream on it too.
SECOND PLACE; Ringo
Cake, ice cream, whatever
Just leave food unattended
So I get to pick
FIRST PLACE: George
Shut up, everyone!
It’s mommy’s birthday today!
Show her you love her!
This week's show will be my favorite electronic music of the year, & if you would like to write a haiku about it, you just have to go here.
Birthdays are hazardous to my health, I think.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
After A Week Off, I Start Answering Your Letters Again
I'm so sorry I didn't answer your letters last week, but, in accordance with the McCain-Schickelgrüber Thanksgiving Correspondence Bill of 2002, I was legally unable to answer any mail on the national day of thanks. My apologies to those of you who wrote to ask about my delicious recipe for cranberry tofurkey scramble. Maybe next year!
Today's letter comes from Taylor, who says he's an "old friend from the good old days" (even though I don't recognize the name & I've never had good days, not now, not before), & he writes:
Gary,
Good to hear you on the radio! We always thought your meth habit would lead you into a darker future - maybe working at a car dealership or something. The entire family appreciates the show, especially when it isn't on.
I gotta ask, though - what the hell do you have on the people at your radio station who give out shows? Aren't there laws against bribery or coercion? Is this something the FCC handles? Because no one in their right mind believes you got your show on its merits.
Actually, Taylor, the FCC has no rules governing the ways a person gets on the radio. My radio station, KOOP, is different than most commercial radio stations in that, unlike, say, a Clear Channel radio station, you don't have to have your blood drained & your personality re-programmed by a robot before you get a show.
But I find your slanderous comments more offensive to KOOP than to me. I feel the same way when people give my girlfriend pitying stares when they see us together. Obviously, no one out there can see the real me. Or, in your case, hear the real me. Except the radio station I love & the woman I shack up with. They both hear & see me just fine. & I'm all right with that, especially if they don't find out the other exists. Because then I would be in trouble of sitcom-like preportions.
Thanks for writing! If you'd like me to respond to an email, write me one!
Today's letter comes from Taylor, who says he's an "old friend from the good old days" (even though I don't recognize the name & I've never had good days, not now, not before), & he writes:
Gary,
Good to hear you on the radio! We always thought your meth habit would lead you into a darker future - maybe working at a car dealership or something. The entire family appreciates the show, especially when it isn't on.
I gotta ask, though - what the hell do you have on the people at your radio station who give out shows? Aren't there laws against bribery or coercion? Is this something the FCC handles? Because no one in their right mind believes you got your show on its merits.
Actually, Taylor, the FCC has no rules governing the ways a person gets on the radio. My radio station, KOOP, is different than most commercial radio stations in that, unlike, say, a Clear Channel radio station, you don't have to have your blood drained & your personality re-programmed by a robot before you get a show.
But I find your slanderous comments more offensive to KOOP than to me. I feel the same way when people give my girlfriend pitying stares when they see us together. Obviously, no one out there can see the real me. Or, in your case, hear the real me. Except the radio station I love & the woman I shack up with. They both hear & see me just fine. & I'm all right with that, especially if they don't find out the other exists. Because then I would be in trouble of sitcom-like preportions.
Thanks for writing! If you'd like me to respond to an email, write me one!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Whither A Birthday Show For Magda?
Seriously, just because I have a radio show, should I be able to give my own girlfriend a special birthday show? What the fuck is up with that? What if [insert irate listener name here] wants to do a show about my girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/partner/lover/special animal friend's birthday, but they can't because they don't have a radio show? Does that seem fair?
Does this really make anyone mad, or am I simply reacting as I might react (since I am self-important & irritable) if I were listening to a radio show where the dude on the air was playing songs for his girlfriend's birthday? I dunno, but if I were the guy I am imaginging that I am writing about, I'd probably stop reading this blog right now & go read snarky comments about superhero Hostess ads of the 70s. Then I'd feel a lot better.
But wait! my more observant listener will note. Gary, didn't you already do a birthday show for your girlfriend a couple of years ago? & maybe also before that in 2002? Are you just going to play the same damn songs you played then? Didn't you once say something like, "There are so many themes that I'll never have to return to the same ones ever!"
The answers are: yes, no, & probably. There'll be a whole new slew of birthday songs for the discriminating birthday music listener. & not just songs about my girlfriend's birthday - it could be about anyone's birthday. & I'm doing it because the day happens to be her birthday. What the hell sort of boyfriend do you imagine I'd be if I didn't do a radio show for her on her birthday? Do you not want me to get laid again ever? Besides, I've been doing this "Self Help Radio" show for over four years now. You know how much I drink. I could very well be forgetting a previous theme. As I age, I'll repeat myself, like the old often do.
Sometimes to humorous effect.
Does this really make anyone mad, or am I simply reacting as I might react (since I am self-important & irritable) if I were listening to a radio show where the dude on the air was playing songs for his girlfriend's birthday? I dunno, but if I were the guy I am imaginging that I am writing about, I'd probably stop reading this blog right now & go read snarky comments about superhero Hostess ads of the 70s. Then I'd feel a lot better.
But wait! my more observant listener will note. Gary, didn't you already do a birthday show for your girlfriend a couple of years ago? & maybe also before that in 2002? Are you just going to play the same damn songs you played then? Didn't you once say something like, "There are so many themes that I'll never have to return to the same ones ever!"
The answers are: yes, no, & probably. There'll be a whole new slew of birthday songs for the discriminating birthday music listener. & not just songs about my girlfriend's birthday - it could be about anyone's birthday. & I'm doing it because the day happens to be her birthday. What the hell sort of boyfriend do you imagine I'd be if I didn't do a radio show for her on her birthday? Do you not want me to get laid again ever? Besides, I've been doing this "Self Help Radio" show for over four years now. You know how much I drink. I could very well be forgetting a previous theme. As I age, I'll repeat myself, like the old often do.
Sometimes to humorous effect.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Preface To Magda's Birthday Show: Who Is Magda? Why Does She Get A Show?
I'll invite you to take a little trip into the past. Nearly twenty-eight years, in fact - were you even born then? I was a mere ten years old, & had already had my heart broken & my teeth knocked out. But I am not travelling back to my past - I'd be more embarrassed than anything to meet myself - but to a past I never saw nor knew.
It's December 1st, 1978. The President of the United States is a space alien named Nell Carter, & the number one show on television is a Korean War high school comedy called "Welcome Back, M*A*S*H." In California, space aliens are slowly prying the state away from the San Andreas Fault & tipping it into the sea, causing a former governor named Reginald Reagan to promise he'll stop the aliens if he becomes President. & in a Bay Area hospital, a woman with the unlikely name of Barbara Muchlinski is giving birth to a space alien who will be called Magdalena.
Or was she? We're travelling back in time because the space alien named Magda, who happens to live with me & oftentimes makes me dinner & yells at me about my drinking, this space alien is a liar. She cannot be believed. She's told me the most ridiculous stories, from unbelievable tales about how whiskers help monkeys evolve to meeting David Bowie in Prague & helping him inflate his bicycle tires. Yes, this space alien, whom I love dearly, cannot be trusted. She is a fountain of untruth, prevarication, tall tale, fable, falsehood, statistics & damned lies.
So we travel back in time - we go to the hospital where she was supposedly born, to see for ourselves. We must do this, alas, with our imagination, since time travel is patent pending, but we can certainly trust it more than the words of the space alien I love. Because she can't tell the truth. In fact, I'm not entirely sure she's a space alien. For example, she cannot mind meld. She doesn't speak a space alien language, & she hardly ever gets collect calls from Alpha Centauri. & the ones she gets she insists are wrong numbers.
On our trip back in time, then, we need to examine her ridiculous claims, to prove or disprove them with the most ridiculous facts we can find. Here are some questions we'll need to ask ourselves:
- Where were space aliens usually born in the Bay Area in the late 1970s? Were they allowed to be in human-oriented hospitals?
- Was she born during an earthquake, when it would have been easy for a space alien baby to change places with a human baby? If so, is the real Magdalena Muchlinski living on the third planet around Sirius playing high-stakes poker & smoking like a chimney?
- Was her mother, Barbara, who is charming & very human, an accomplice or an unknowing vessel for space alien seed? Can we discover if her other children are aliens, or if they are hybrids?
- If we make bets in the past & win because of future knowledge, can we take the money into the future? Or does money from 1978 look like Monopoly money today?
- If we were born after 1978, can we stop our parents from meeting & see if we cease to exist? If we cease to exist, will we therefore be unable to stop our parents from meeting, & then begin to exist again? Will it become a cycle that never stops, & will those of us watching find it fucking hilarious?
Let's travel back in time, & return tomorrow, & report what we discover!
It's December 1st, 1978. The President of the United States is a space alien named Nell Carter, & the number one show on television is a Korean War high school comedy called "Welcome Back, M*A*S*H." In California, space aliens are slowly prying the state away from the San Andreas Fault & tipping it into the sea, causing a former governor named Reginald Reagan to promise he'll stop the aliens if he becomes President. & in a Bay Area hospital, a woman with the unlikely name of Barbara Muchlinski is giving birth to a space alien who will be called Magdalena.
Or was she? We're travelling back in time because the space alien named Magda, who happens to live with me & oftentimes makes me dinner & yells at me about my drinking, this space alien is a liar. She cannot be believed. She's told me the most ridiculous stories, from unbelievable tales about how whiskers help monkeys evolve to meeting David Bowie in Prague & helping him inflate his bicycle tires. Yes, this space alien, whom I love dearly, cannot be trusted. She is a fountain of untruth, prevarication, tall tale, fable, falsehood, statistics & damned lies.
So we travel back in time - we go to the hospital where she was supposedly born, to see for ourselves. We must do this, alas, with our imagination, since time travel is patent pending, but we can certainly trust it more than the words of the space alien I love. Because she can't tell the truth. In fact, I'm not entirely sure she's a space alien. For example, she cannot mind meld. She doesn't speak a space alien language, & she hardly ever gets collect calls from Alpha Centauri. & the ones she gets she insists are wrong numbers.
On our trip back in time, then, we need to examine her ridiculous claims, to prove or disprove them with the most ridiculous facts we can find. Here are some questions we'll need to ask ourselves:
- Where were space aliens usually born in the Bay Area in the late 1970s? Were they allowed to be in human-oriented hospitals?
- Was she born during an earthquake, when it would have been easy for a space alien baby to change places with a human baby? If so, is the real Magdalena Muchlinski living on the third planet around Sirius playing high-stakes poker & smoking like a chimney?
- Was her mother, Barbara, who is charming & very human, an accomplice or an unknowing vessel for space alien seed? Can we discover if her other children are aliens, or if they are hybrids?
- If we make bets in the past & win because of future knowledge, can we take the money into the future? Or does money from 1978 look like Monopoly money today?
- If we were born after 1978, can we stop our parents from meeting & see if we cease to exist? If we cease to exist, will we therefore be unable to stop our parents from meeting, & then begin to exist again? Will it become a cycle that never stops, & will those of us watching find it fucking hilarious?
Let's travel back in time, & return tomorrow, & report what we discover!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Dysfunctional Family Holiday Haiku Wrap-Up
Man, what the hell happened last week? I know it was a holday week, but I was totally lame with the whole posting on the blog thing. My bad. My really bad. I don't know what was going on.
But in addition to subbing the Lounge Show & Virtual Noise, I managed to do Self Help Radio with the usual flair & grace. & kind listeners wrote weird haikus for the show, which I will share with you now. These are the winners, from fourth place to first:
FOURTH PLACE: Buddy
Vegetarian
At the Thanksgiving dinner
Waiting for the pie.
THIRD PLACE: Louise
Mommy I’m sorry
The store took my fake ID
I can’t buy your beer
SECOND PLACE; Nancy
I was wrong to lock
My brother in the closet
From third to fifth grade
FIRST PLACE: Jesus
There’s no family
That doesn’t screw with your head
Your entire life
This week's show will be a birthday show because it happens to fall on the birthday of my beloved, whose name (really!) is Magda. So if you want to write a haiku for Magda, or a haiku for birthdays, then most assuredly you can do so by clicking here. She'll appreciate it.
Also, Friday's show - most of it - is now available on the Self Help Radio show archive page. Listen to it away from your family.
I do say "most of it" because the first few minutes didn't get recorded due to a screw up with the station's recording device. It's my fauly, really, so I should just say "user error." My apologies to completists & to the folks who made the music that you won't get to hear if you missed it live. Sigh.
But in addition to subbing the Lounge Show & Virtual Noise, I managed to do Self Help Radio with the usual flair & grace. & kind listeners wrote weird haikus for the show, which I will share with you now. These are the winners, from fourth place to first:
FOURTH PLACE: Buddy
Vegetarian
At the Thanksgiving dinner
Waiting for the pie.
THIRD PLACE: Louise
Mommy I’m sorry
The store took my fake ID
I can’t buy your beer
SECOND PLACE; Nancy
I was wrong to lock
My brother in the closet
From third to fifth grade
FIRST PLACE: Jesus
There’s no family
That doesn’t screw with your head
Your entire life
This week's show will be a birthday show because it happens to fall on the birthday of my beloved, whose name (really!) is Magda. So if you want to write a haiku for Magda, or a haiku for birthdays, then most assuredly you can do so by clicking here. She'll appreciate it.
Also, Friday's show - most of it - is now available on the Self Help Radio show archive page. Listen to it away from your family.
I do say "most of it" because the first few minutes didn't get recorded due to a screw up with the station's recording device. It's my fauly, really, so I should just say "user error." My apologies to completists & to the folks who made the music that you won't get to hear if you missed it live. Sigh.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Whither Dysfunctional Family Circus?
Whatever happened to those Dysfunctional Family Circus cartoons, anyway?
Oh, they're right here: http://dfc.furr.org/.
They sure were amusing the first time I saw them - but then, they weren't set up like a Mad Magazine "fill in the blank" thing - someone had hand-picked the best completely incorrect lines to put under the Bil Keane pictures. Sigh.
Those cartoons were in no way an inspiration for the show this Friday - they were just a handy name. No, the inspiration for the show is the fact that the holidays are here, & from now till the end of the year some if not all of us will have to spend time with other families. Most of the time, we don't like our families, or at the very least we don't like some of our families. I know people who get downright snarly when I say such things - I fuckin' love my family & I'd fuckin' die for them! - but I assume they're the members of the family that are the unliked ones, so they are the cause of the unhappiness, & therefore I am not writing this to them or about them. As I was saying, we who are honest with ourselves have issues with some or all of our family's members, & because of this, I thought I'd do a show about screwed-up families.
I've been wanting to do this show for a while, actually - the season just gave me an excuse. Which is ironical, because I won't be around my family during this vacation. I'll be here in town, not eating turkey, & preparing three radio shows - in addition to Self Help Radio, I'll be doing Virtual Noise (Friday at 11am) & the Lounge Show (Saturday at 10am).
Self Help Radio should be disturbing for the whole family this week. So do tune in. & if you want to hear last Friday's show, it's available at Self Help Radio archives.
Have a good holiday weekend!
Oh, they're right here: http://dfc.furr.org/.
They sure were amusing the first time I saw them - but then, they weren't set up like a Mad Magazine "fill in the blank" thing - someone had hand-picked the best completely incorrect lines to put under the Bil Keane pictures. Sigh.
Those cartoons were in no way an inspiration for the show this Friday - they were just a handy name. No, the inspiration for the show is the fact that the holidays are here, & from now till the end of the year some if not all of us will have to spend time with other families. Most of the time, we don't like our families, or at the very least we don't like some of our families. I know people who get downright snarly when I say such things - I fuckin' love my family & I'd fuckin' die for them! - but I assume they're the members of the family that are the unliked ones, so they are the cause of the unhappiness, & therefore I am not writing this to them or about them. As I was saying, we who are honest with ourselves have issues with some or all of our family's members, & because of this, I thought I'd do a show about screwed-up families.
I've been wanting to do this show for a while, actually - the season just gave me an excuse. Which is ironical, because I won't be around my family during this vacation. I'll be here in town, not eating turkey, & preparing three radio shows - in addition to Self Help Radio, I'll be doing Virtual Noise (Friday at 11am) & the Lounge Show (Saturday at 10am).
Self Help Radio should be disturbing for the whole family this week. So do tune in. & if you want to hear last Friday's show, it's available at Self Help Radio archives.
Have a good holiday weekend!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Preface to 'Dysfunctional Family Circus': Hey, Wait A Second, What The Hell, You Haven't Posted Anything To This Blog In Like A Week
I know, I know.
I am in an awkward position here. I write a blog about a radio show that, though unbelievably good, no one listens to, & consequently, there's this blog that I keep which no one reads. (Actually, one person has stumbled onto it. This person did a search on Google for "Wonder Woman's bodice," & I actually referred to that as something that is yellow in my post about my yellow show. Sorry dude.) But I suppose one day some archaeologist of "community radio" might stumble upon this blog, you know, & I'd hate to think he/she (because in the future, we'll be both genders at the same time) thought I was a slacker.
& it's certainly not that I don't have anything to say. I can make shit up at the drop of a hat. I can make shit up ABOUT the drop of a hat. But it's just that I need a little time, you know, to myself, you know, naked, you know, in a pool of warm rubbing alcohol, you know, to write something of value. You know.
Yesterday totally slipped past me. Today was stolen by a medical emergency involving my girlfriend, a bike, a bum knee, a bum's knee, someone who kneed a bum, a group of people who need bums for their own nefarious political purposes, a self-important opthamologist who thought he was a kinesiologist, an oversexed duck named Elixir, & my own desire to find an easier way home than the one I currently take. Now it's late, & I'm certain I have a lot to say about a radio show about fucked-up family relationships, & it'd be topical, since the United States are fleeing home for Thanksgiving.
But instead, I'm lame. I'm sorry, Mr/Ms Archaeologist. I'm sure someone on a station with less wattage kept a really cool blog in northern California. If you can't find the link here, then, I'm sorry. That must be computer code rot.
I am in an awkward position here. I write a blog about a radio show that, though unbelievably good, no one listens to, & consequently, there's this blog that I keep which no one reads. (Actually, one person has stumbled onto it. This person did a search on Google for "Wonder Woman's bodice," & I actually referred to that as something that is yellow in my post about my yellow show. Sorry dude.) But I suppose one day some archaeologist of "community radio" might stumble upon this blog, you know, & I'd hate to think he/she (because in the future, we'll be both genders at the same time) thought I was a slacker.
& it's certainly not that I don't have anything to say. I can make shit up at the drop of a hat. I can make shit up ABOUT the drop of a hat. But it's just that I need a little time, you know, to myself, you know, naked, you know, in a pool of warm rubbing alcohol, you know, to write something of value. You know.
Yesterday totally slipped past me. Today was stolen by a medical emergency involving my girlfriend, a bike, a bum knee, a bum's knee, someone who kneed a bum, a group of people who need bums for their own nefarious political purposes, a self-important opthamologist who thought he was a kinesiologist, an oversexed duck named Elixir, & my own desire to find an easier way home than the one I currently take. Now it's late, & I'm certain I have a lot to say about a radio show about fucked-up family relationships, & it'd be topical, since the United States are fleeing home for Thanksgiving.
But instead, I'm lame. I'm sorry, Mr/Ms Archaeologist. I'm sure someone on a station with less wattage kept a really cool blog in northern California. If you can't find the link here, then, I'm sorry. That must be computer code rot.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I Am Still Answering Your Letters!
It's Thursday - the day before my show - & so, I am answering your letters yet again. Please remember that I am an open sort of fellow who is never offended by free inquiry unless it's about my body, of which I am ashamed. So feel free to send me an email, & my address is slug at mail dot utexas dot edu.
Today's letter is from Tony, who writes me in all small letters:
i am not familiar with your show but i have a question for you. this is writing because of serious issues with the teaching of socalled science in the classroom. do you or have you ever think that it's good idea to tell lies to your children with the goverment money? if you have time to discuss this on your show i am available at the following times at the numbers below. i have spent many years researching this very issue of social import and would gladly discuss it on your show with you. thank you.
Tony will not be on my show tomorrow, alas, because his email does contain a hint of trouble, if not an entire spray can of trouble about to be opened upon the children of America like so much processed cheese spread.
Damn right, Tony, I have an issue with the teaching of socalled science in the classroom. My friend, I have a problem with the teaching of anything of the socalled variety, be it socalled math, socalled history, & especially socalled home economics, which (I have found) is neither economical nor homely.
Your concern heartens me, mainly because I see just the opposite of what you say each & every day - everyone is more concerned with that which is socalled, rather than that which is. We go to socalled work, we eat socalled lunch, we read the socalled newspaper, we make love to our socalled spouses (unless we're socalled gay, in which case we can't make love to our socalled spouses because it would destroy the institution of socalled marriage). It scares me, you know, that these things we do are socalled, but who exactly is calling them so? Is it me? Is it you?
Do write me back & we'll see about having you on the show. Or maybe we can just schedule you to be on socalled Self Help Radio, & at this point we'll have vanished into socalled irony & so be available for download on the socalled internet. There! That was easy! Thank you, Tony.
Keep those letters coming! I may even answer them!
Today's letter is from Tony, who writes me in all small letters:
i am not familiar with your show but i have a question for you. this is writing because of serious issues with the teaching of socalled science in the classroom. do you or have you ever think that it's good idea to tell lies to your children with the goverment money? if you have time to discuss this on your show i am available at the following times at the numbers below. i have spent many years researching this very issue of social import and would gladly discuss it on your show with you. thank you.
Tony will not be on my show tomorrow, alas, because his email does contain a hint of trouble, if not an entire spray can of trouble about to be opened upon the children of America like so much processed cheese spread.
Damn right, Tony, I have an issue with the teaching of socalled science in the classroom. My friend, I have a problem with the teaching of anything of the socalled variety, be it socalled math, socalled history, & especially socalled home economics, which (I have found) is neither economical nor homely.
Your concern heartens me, mainly because I see just the opposite of what you say each & every day - everyone is more concerned with that which is socalled, rather than that which is. We go to socalled work, we eat socalled lunch, we read the socalled newspaper, we make love to our socalled spouses (unless we're socalled gay, in which case we can't make love to our socalled spouses because it would destroy the institution of socalled marriage). It scares me, you know, that these things we do are socalled, but who exactly is calling them so? Is it me? Is it you?
Do write me back & we'll see about having you on the show. Or maybe we can just schedule you to be on socalled Self Help Radio, & at this point we'll have vanished into socalled irony & so be available for download on the socalled internet. There! That was easy! Thank you, Tony.
Keep those letters coming! I may even answer them!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Whither Trouble?
I have a friend, who's really not much of a friend, because this friend's kind of a critic, but not a critic in the good way, you know, nothing constructive, just a lot of sniping & grumbling, usually beginning with comments about how fat I sound on the air, & getting more personal & irrelevant as time goes by, but occasionally, when I am least expecting it, this friend'll say something that is mean & lowdown & cutting, but it turns out to be something quite apt. So this friend said to me, today, when asking me what my show's theme would be this week, & I answered, "Trouble," my friend said, "Aw, man, that's a gimme ain't it?"
What my friend meant, of course, was that it was an "easy" theme. There are bound to be millions of songs with the word "trouble" in the title, even if they don't mention trouble or talk about particular kinds of trouble. The Allmusic Guide lists 524 songs called "Trouble," & even if a lot of them are covers or repeated versions, that's surely at the most conservative fifty (50!) songs called "Trouble." There are hundreds of other songs with "trouble" in them, songs with names like "Boy Trouble," "Car Trouble," "Testicle Trouble" & "The Trouble With Tribbles." & this doesn't count songs about trouble in which "trouble" is not mentioned in the title.
My friend expected me to defend it with something like, "Au contraire, ass pirate, I picked this theme because of a particular meaning of the word 'trouble' as it applied to a recent experience of mine of great import, like quitting smoking or being beat up by the checkout person at the CVS pharmacy because I accidentally called it an Eckerd's." This friend, so used to my thin skin & my irritability to the typical lame-ass poking & prodding, expected me to bust out the etymology of the word or some alternate meaning that only I & a few other weenies who like that sort of thing would know. My friend wanted me to disagree on the more fundamental of levels, angrily, vehemently, an argument worthy of Plato or, if my friend were completely baked (as is usual), some second-generation Tarantino dialogue.
Instead, I agreed. What else could I say? I chose "trouble" as a theme precisely because it'd be simple to find songs to fit. I mean, my previous show was songs about staring. That was fucking hard. Sometimes I need a gimme. You know?
Of course, that meant that I did have to stumble through some five hours of music this weekend, & more still today. So it wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped, which turns out to always be the case with "easy" themes. A show about the sun will always have more songs than a show about Alpha Centauri, but you still have to listen to a million songs about the sun before you find the perfect ninety minutes.
Tune in Friday - I'll have ninety perfect minutes of trouble. It's not quite the gimme my friend thought it would be, but it'll be good nonetheless.
What my friend meant, of course, was that it was an "easy" theme. There are bound to be millions of songs with the word "trouble" in the title, even if they don't mention trouble or talk about particular kinds of trouble. The Allmusic Guide lists 524 songs called "Trouble," & even if a lot of them are covers or repeated versions, that's surely at the most conservative fifty (50!) songs called "Trouble." There are hundreds of other songs with "trouble" in them, songs with names like "Boy Trouble," "Car Trouble," "Testicle Trouble" & "The Trouble With Tribbles." & this doesn't count songs about trouble in which "trouble" is not mentioned in the title.
My friend expected me to defend it with something like, "Au contraire, ass pirate, I picked this theme because of a particular meaning of the word 'trouble' as it applied to a recent experience of mine of great import, like quitting smoking or being beat up by the checkout person at the CVS pharmacy because I accidentally called it an Eckerd's." This friend, so used to my thin skin & my irritability to the typical lame-ass poking & prodding, expected me to bust out the etymology of the word or some alternate meaning that only I & a few other weenies who like that sort of thing would know. My friend wanted me to disagree on the more fundamental of levels, angrily, vehemently, an argument worthy of Plato or, if my friend were completely baked (as is usual), some second-generation Tarantino dialogue.
Instead, I agreed. What else could I say? I chose "trouble" as a theme precisely because it'd be simple to find songs to fit. I mean, my previous show was songs about staring. That was fucking hard. Sometimes I need a gimme. You know?
Of course, that meant that I did have to stumble through some five hours of music this weekend, & more still today. So it wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped, which turns out to always be the case with "easy" themes. A show about the sun will always have more songs than a show about Alpha Centauri, but you still have to listen to a million songs about the sun before you find the perfect ninety minutes.
Tune in Friday - I'll have ninety perfect minutes of trouble. It's not quite the gimme my friend thought it would be, but it'll be good nonetheless.