This Friday post is deadly serious. KOOP's Spring 2007 Membership Drive starts today & it's your chance to not only support Austin's best radio station, but also to become part of an exciting experiment in locally-controlled media. It's a win-win for all of us!
What? You think radio doesn't matter? Well, consider this story:
It's 1861, & in Charleston, South Carolina, there are only four radio stations. Three of them are owned by Plantation Media, the same group that owns all the radio in the South & a lot in the North. (After the Civil War, they became Clear Channel.) However, a plucky band of communists, anarchists, freed slaves & other "uppity" folk (as the late Molly Ivins would call them) run a community radio station which plays more than the faux English music & the annoying anti-Abolitionist screeds that the Plantation Media (a subsidiary of Fox) plays non-stop. In fact, it was this small station, called Radio Longfellow, that the first blues were ever played on the radio. Recordings of Thomas Paine & Thomas Jefferson were played often. The now-infamous "Russion Explosion Hour" featured live remotes with Tolstoy & Bakunin - all on a very limited budget. The owners of this station were harassed & persecuted by the elite slaveowners of South Carolina - but enough of the citizenry supported them that they stayed on the air. What a glorious time it was for radio!
Alas, when the Confederates started firing on Fort Sumter, a renegade Confederate officer named Clement Thurmond (a great great grand-uncle of Strom Thurmond) turned his cannon around & fired straight into the studios of Radio Longfellow, putting them off the air permanently. Why would he do such a thing? Because the station violently opposed secession, & they were starting to turn the people of Charleston around. Yes, some among the new Confederate ranks felt that a radio station was more of a threat than a garrison of Union soldiers.
Imagine! Those pesky volunteers could have stopped the Civil War! & nearly a century & a half later, radio is more vital than ever. That's why you want to support it, baby.
What? There were no radio stations in 1861? Whatever. The point is the same. Could radio have stopped the United States Civil War? Discuss among yourselves.
Alas! There will be no "Song Of The Day" today. I must rush to the station to help with the Membership Drive. Please please please tune in & please please please give to KOOP radio. You know in your hearts why it's important.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Your Letters Are Troublemakers! (But I Answer Them Anyway)
I answer letters every Thursday on this blog. There is no topic which I won't write about. So write me an email!
Here's a mostly made-up letter from a strictly speaking imaginary person we'll call "Rose."
He writes:
So, seriously Gary, what's so important about the Membership Drive?
I am glad you asked, man named Rose. (What?) You hear a lot of "pledge drives" & "membership drives" & fundraising efforts & it seems like everyone has them, but they don't. The crappy ass commercial radio stations you're always switching away from when they play crappy ass ads don't have to have fund-raising events because those crappy ass ads you're always avoiding - you know, when you switch over to KOOP - they pay for the station.
Why doesn't KOOP have ads? Or, maybe, you ask, doesn't KOOP have ads? We have something like them called underwriting announcements, but there are strict rules on what those spots can say. & - be honest - they're not nearly as annoying as commercial radio ads. & maybe because of those rules, KOOP doesn't make a lot of money from underwriting - we make our money to survive during these membership drives.
So. Here's the answer: we need the drive to survive. That's what's so important.
If you can give, please give. I'll have special premiums & I'll put on astonishingly good shows. You must therefore give. What would a world without Self Help Radio be like? Would you want to live in that world? Think about how fucked-up the world is outside of Austin - they can't hear Self Help Radio on the radio there. That's the problem with the world! So don't turn Austin into the rest of the world. Support KOOP & support Self Help Radio.
Speaking of, my show from last Friday is available for download in a podcast-sized mp3 ball. Click here - it's at the top of this page. Goes well with copious amounts of alcohol.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is a shabby psychedelic nugget by Houston's own the Red Krayola from their first record The Parable Of Arable Land. Click this name: Hurricane Fighter Plane for enlightenment. I will keep it available for two weeks. Then it's bye bye.
Tomorrow: the Membership Drive starts, I salute the Godfather Of Soul. You give lots of money to a worthy cause. Gird your loins. It's coming!
Here's a mostly made-up letter from a strictly speaking imaginary person we'll call "Rose."
He writes:
So, seriously Gary, what's so important about the Membership Drive?
I am glad you asked, man named Rose. (What?) You hear a lot of "pledge drives" & "membership drives" & fundraising efforts & it seems like everyone has them, but they don't. The crappy ass commercial radio stations you're always switching away from when they play crappy ass ads don't have to have fund-raising events because those crappy ass ads you're always avoiding - you know, when you switch over to KOOP - they pay for the station.
Why doesn't KOOP have ads? Or, maybe, you ask, doesn't KOOP have ads? We have something like them called underwriting announcements, but there are strict rules on what those spots can say. & - be honest - they're not nearly as annoying as commercial radio ads. & maybe because of those rules, KOOP doesn't make a lot of money from underwriting - we make our money to survive during these membership drives.
So. Here's the answer: we need the drive to survive. That's what's so important.
If you can give, please give. I'll have special premiums & I'll put on astonishingly good shows. You must therefore give. What would a world without Self Help Radio be like? Would you want to live in that world? Think about how fucked-up the world is outside of Austin - they can't hear Self Help Radio on the radio there. That's the problem with the world! So don't turn Austin into the rest of the world. Support KOOP & support Self Help Radio.
Speaking of, my show from last Friday is available for download in a podcast-sized mp3 ball. Click here - it's at the top of this page. Goes well with copious amounts of alcohol.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is a shabby psychedelic nugget by Houston's own the Red Krayola from their first record The Parable Of Arable Land. Click this name: Hurricane Fighter Plane for enlightenment. I will keep it available for two weeks. Then it's bye bye.
Tomorrow: the Membership Drive starts, I salute the Godfather Of Soul. You give lots of money to a worthy cause. Gird your loins. It's coming!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Whither James Brown - Sampled?
I was talking yesterday about how I keep my teeth clean with two parts shoe polish & one part vodka - but I wasn't talking about it here so I hope you're not confused. I carry on conversations in more than one dimension THANK YOU VERY MUCH & if you can't keep up, I will walk a little more slowly.
When James Brown died, nearly everyone on KOOP, recognizing the importance of this great artist in all our lives (let's be honest - they wouldn't be nearly as funky without him), paid some tribute or other. When I returned from Europe, I played him on my show that week - but only one track. I wanted to do something special.
During a Spirit Walk with my guru, Herb, I realized that, although I could breathe James Brown like air for days on end, it might be fun to see what really creative types (unlike my poor self) did with James Brown. I thought first of covers. Then I came out from under the covers. I was covered in shame. My guru, Herb, was covered in ghee. Don't ask. We communicated psychically - or maybe we were muttering under our breath - anyway, we decided that "covers" wasn't good enough.
Herb mentioned that James Brown was the most sampled artist in the world. I was a little embarrassed about this until Herb explained it was his music that was sampled, not him personally. He totally thinks I'm a prude. He says I'm the only spirit that turns up to a Spirit Walk completely clothed. He says, in fact, that I should perhaps LOOSEN THE FUCK UP.
I discovered that not only hip-hop artists have sampled the Godfather. & you can listen to my favorites of those intrepid folk Friday on my show!
Plus - it's a Membership Drive show, so please, wake the neighbors, call in favors, burden your family & steal from your work, but try to help KOOP out with a little cash. We do such good work for you & for the community, but we need to pay the bills. Besides - where else in this town would you find a Self Help Radio?
My "Song Of The Day" is a pretty song I played on my South By Some Some show, but you can listen to it here in better quality mp3 ism. It's from My Latest Novel from Scotland, from their debut record Wolves. It's called Sister Sneaker Sister Soul. Click to enjoy. Enjoy it until April 11. Then it goes away.
When James Brown died, nearly everyone on KOOP, recognizing the importance of this great artist in all our lives (let's be honest - they wouldn't be nearly as funky without him), paid some tribute or other. When I returned from Europe, I played him on my show that week - but only one track. I wanted to do something special.
During a Spirit Walk with my guru, Herb, I realized that, although I could breathe James Brown like air for days on end, it might be fun to see what really creative types (unlike my poor self) did with James Brown. I thought first of covers. Then I came out from under the covers. I was covered in shame. My guru, Herb, was covered in ghee. Don't ask. We communicated psychically - or maybe we were muttering under our breath - anyway, we decided that "covers" wasn't good enough.
Herb mentioned that James Brown was the most sampled artist in the world. I was a little embarrassed about this until Herb explained it was his music that was sampled, not him personally. He totally thinks I'm a prude. He says I'm the only spirit that turns up to a Spirit Walk completely clothed. He says, in fact, that I should perhaps LOOSEN THE FUCK UP.
I discovered that not only hip-hop artists have sampled the Godfather. & you can listen to my favorites of those intrepid folk Friday on my show!
Plus - it's a Membership Drive show, so please, wake the neighbors, call in favors, burden your family & steal from your work, but try to help KOOP out with a little cash. We do such good work for you & for the community, but we need to pay the bills. Besides - where else in this town would you find a Self Help Radio?
My "Song Of The Day" is a pretty song I played on my South By Some Some show, but you can listen to it here in better quality mp3 ism. It's from My Latest Novel from Scotland, from their debut record Wolves. It's called Sister Sneaker Sister Soul. Click to enjoy. Enjoy it until April 11. Then it goes away.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Preface To My James Brown Tribute: Will I Get Arrested For Sampling Samples?
James Brown actually came to Austin last summer. Did I see him? No, I didn't. Wanna know why? Because I'm a moron & there's a spiteful part of me that says "Since you couldn't see him at the Apollo in the 60s, when he was arguably at his best, you shouldn't see him now." Why do I do that? I don't know. But I do now regret it.
When James Brown died on Christmas Day last year, I was about to get on a plane to go to Europe. Someone else died around the same time - maybe an old president or something, whatever, nothing big - it occured to me that, even if some corrupt old lawmaker or other passed laws that somehow affected me in regards to the environment, taxes, education, etc., what I am most concerned with is the inner life I lead - the part of me that needs music in the way that politicians need power or religious folks need to believe - & in that part of me, James Brown's legacy, from the music he made to the music made with the music he made to the music he influenced - he touched me life in the way nearly no one else could have.
With typical speed, I am now getting to the tribute. Why the way I am doing it? Er, I'll talk about tomorrow. I am busy listening to hip hop songs trying to guess if that's a JB sample or not. Hmmmm.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is an outsider music track by the amazing Shooby Taylor - The Human Horn from Irwin Chusid's wonderful compilation Songs In The Key Of Z. The song is Stout-Hearted Men & even though it'll be gone in two weeks, you can find more of them on the page I link to up there.
Tomorrow: I'll try to be funny. But I miss James Brown.
When James Brown died on Christmas Day last year, I was about to get on a plane to go to Europe. Someone else died around the same time - maybe an old president or something, whatever, nothing big - it occured to me that, even if some corrupt old lawmaker or other passed laws that somehow affected me in regards to the environment, taxes, education, etc., what I am most concerned with is the inner life I lead - the part of me that needs music in the way that politicians need power or religious folks need to believe - & in that part of me, James Brown's legacy, from the music he made to the music made with the music he made to the music he influenced - he touched me life in the way nearly no one else could have.
With typical speed, I am now getting to the tribute. Why the way I am doing it? Er, I'll talk about tomorrow. I am busy listening to hip hop songs trying to guess if that's a JB sample or not. Hmmmm.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is an outsider music track by the amazing Shooby Taylor - The Human Horn from Irwin Chusid's wonderful compilation Songs In The Key Of Z. The song is Stout-Hearted Men & even though it'll be gone in two weeks, you can find more of them on the page I link to up there.
Tomorrow: I'll try to be funny. But I miss James Brown.
Monday, March 26, 2007
If It Was Michigan Friday, It's A Monday Wrap
Thank you so much for tuning in last Friday as I broadcast Self Help Radio from a flaming asteroid hurtling toward Michigan. I'm so sorry we accidentally hit Ontario. That's my bad. I was totally listening to Bush administration scientists. I won't do that again!
We did have some haiku winners, though, & they won with these winning haikus:
FOURTH PLACE: Scott
Car stalled in Detroit
Arrested in Grand Rapids
We cannot escape
THIRD PLACE: Michelle
Take me to that state
That’s stuck between three Great Lakes
Rad peninsula!
SECOND PLACE: Chris
Lonely Michigan
Losing its songs & its jobs
Sleep in a snowbank
FIRST PLACE: Barbara
I need something new
Winter's lasted way too long
Sing your sweet spring song
& the mystery limerick writer wrote this:
My wife, she divorced me in Michigan
I lived all alone & got rich again
We went for dinner & dancing
The week I visited Lansing
& now she wants us to get hitched again!
This week is the start of the Spring 2007 Membership Drive so we may not have time for haiku. But maybe if you write a good one, we'll make the time. This week's show is a tribute to James Brown featuring my favorite hip-hop songs that sample him. It'll be very worth giving your money to you bet.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is by a sweet little English band called Magoo from their first record, The Soateramic Sounds Of Magoo. The song is called A To Z & Back Again, & click it to listen to it from a to z. It'll zoom away on April 9, 2007.
Tomorrow: the day I met James Brown & sampled him, & other crazy lies.
We did have some haiku winners, though, & they won with these winning haikus:
FOURTH PLACE: Scott
Car stalled in Detroit
Arrested in Grand Rapids
We cannot escape
THIRD PLACE: Michelle
Take me to that state
That’s stuck between three Great Lakes
Rad peninsula!
SECOND PLACE: Chris
Lonely Michigan
Losing its songs & its jobs
Sleep in a snowbank
FIRST PLACE: Barbara
I need something new
Winter's lasted way too long
Sing your sweet spring song
& the mystery limerick writer wrote this:
My wife, she divorced me in Michigan
I lived all alone & got rich again
We went for dinner & dancing
The week I visited Lansing
& now she wants us to get hitched again!
This week is the start of the Spring 2007 Membership Drive so we may not have time for haiku. But maybe if you write a good one, we'll make the time. This week's show is a tribute to James Brown featuring my favorite hip-hop songs that sample him. It'll be very worth giving your money to you bet.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is by a sweet little English band called Magoo from their first record, The Soateramic Sounds Of Magoo. The song is called A To Z & Back Again, & click it to listen to it from a to z. It'll zoom away on April 9, 2007.
Tomorrow: the day I met James Brown & sampled him, & other crazy lies.
Friday, March 23, 2007
A Friday Caper
Friends, in less than two hours there will be a show on the radio so magnificient, so incredible, so embarrassingly good that you'll believe that radio is a transformative medium. You'll believe radio can change lives, as your life will be changed. You will never be able to think or feel in the same way again.
Unfortunately, I don't know which station that show's on. I'll place good odds it's not on in Austin - I mean, have you heard the radio in this town? Embarassing, that's what it is. Anyway, if you can find it, give me a call. But if you can't, & you've got nothing better to do, tune in to Self Help Radio today at 4:30pm either on your FM dial at 91.7 fm or on your computer dial (what?) over at koop.org. The show today's all about Michigan. It'll be for more than just Yoopers & Trolls.
Tune in! I'll be making tea!
Here's a funny "Song Of The Day" by the Smothers Brothers, from their record Think Ethic. It's called I Never Will Marry - click on it to listen. It's here till April 5, 2007.
Do tune in today!
Unfortunately, I don't know which station that show's on. I'll place good odds it's not on in Austin - I mean, have you heard the radio in this town? Embarassing, that's what it is. Anyway, if you can find it, give me a call. But if you can't, & you've got nothing better to do, tune in to Self Help Radio today at 4:30pm either on your FM dial at 91.7 fm or on your computer dial (what?) over at koop.org. The show today's all about Michigan. It'll be for more than just Yoopers & Trolls.
Tune in! I'll be making tea!
Here's a funny "Song Of The Day" by the Smothers Brothers, from their record Think Ethic. It's called I Never Will Marry - click on it to listen. It's here till April 5, 2007.
Do tune in today!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Your Letters Are Stinky! (But I Answer Them Anyway)
LB asks me:
Gary, How was SXSW? Did you see good bands?
Thank you for asking, LB. & no, I still don't want to be your myspace friend. Your page is creepy.
I went to the KOOP Indiepop Hootenanny so I could see Tullycraft for free, then I went to see Mark Burgess since he's a fucking legend, but other than that, nah, I didn't do much. I did hang out some at KOOP, where we were playing lots of live bands in the studio, but didn't help or anything. That's all. Mainly my girlfriend & I planned to completely redecorate our backyard. Buffalo grass, anyone?
Oh god! What a boring blog post this is! Let's start again.
During South By South Wets I hung out with [super famous dude] who scored drugs from [someone who works for the Onion], & we were totally [tripping/zoning/rolling/vomiting] until we managed to sneak backstage at [some place that it's hard to sneak into] & caught [the band you wanted to see but couldn't because douchebags from the Chronicle filled the place up] & they were [disappointing/awesome/as fucked up as I was/dead]! Then someone put [whatever I haven't yet taken] into my drink, & I found myself with [Andy Dick] in a hottub in the back of [dull Hollywood type who's moved to Austin in the past few years]'s limo doing [things I'd later regret]. How I got home I'll never know. & dude, that was just WEDNESDAY!
Thursday, Friday & Saturday I spent in intensive care.
Write me an email! I'll answer it here!
Here's a sad little "Song Of The Day" by so-called "anti-folk" musician Jeffrey Lewis from his first record, The Last Time I Did Acid I Went Insane & Other Favorites. It's a sad little ditty about Leonard Cohen, meeting people on the street & trying desperately to stay upbeat in spite of everything. It's called The Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song & you can click to hear it. I'll leave it here for two weeks - until April 5 - & then it'll go away.
Tomorrow at 4:30 pm Austin time - yowsa! A show about Michigan!
Gary, How was SXSW? Did you see good bands?
Thank you for asking, LB. & no, I still don't want to be your myspace friend. Your page is creepy.
I went to the KOOP Indiepop Hootenanny so I could see Tullycraft for free, then I went to see Mark Burgess since he's a fucking legend, but other than that, nah, I didn't do much. I did hang out some at KOOP, where we were playing lots of live bands in the studio, but didn't help or anything. That's all. Mainly my girlfriend & I planned to completely redecorate our backyard. Buffalo grass, anyone?
Oh god! What a boring blog post this is! Let's start again.
During South By South Wets I hung out with [super famous dude] who scored drugs from [someone who works for the Onion], & we were totally [tripping/zoning/rolling/vomiting] until we managed to sneak backstage at [some place that it's hard to sneak into] & caught [the band you wanted to see but couldn't because douchebags from the Chronicle filled the place up] & they were [disappointing/awesome/as fucked up as I was/dead]! Then someone put [whatever I haven't yet taken] into my drink, & I found myself with [Andy Dick] in a hottub in the back of [dull Hollywood type who's moved to Austin in the past few years]'s limo doing [things I'd later regret]. How I got home I'll never know. & dude, that was just WEDNESDAY!
Thursday, Friday & Saturday I spent in intensive care.
Write me an email! I'll answer it here!
Here's a sad little "Song Of The Day" by so-called "anti-folk" musician Jeffrey Lewis from his first record, The Last Time I Did Acid I Went Insane & Other Favorites. It's a sad little ditty about Leonard Cohen, meeting people on the street & trying desperately to stay upbeat in spite of everything. It's called The Chelsea Hotel Oral Sex Song & you can click to hear it. I'll leave it here for two weeks - until April 5 - & then it'll go away.
Tomorrow at 4:30 pm Austin time - yowsa! A show about Michigan!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Whither Michigan?
I mentioned before I've never been to Michigan. I'll mention it again. I'll mention again that I've never been to Michigan. There. I mentioned it again. I'll mention it unknowingly at some point during the next few minutes as well. There's hardly any self-consciousness between me & my travels. Either I've been some place or I haven't. I've never been to the moon, for example, but also I've never been an astronaut. Nor is my name "Buzz." It's Gary. In case you haven't noticed.
Sometime last February, in-between Bush Administration Fuck-Ups, I was sitting at the bus stop, minding my own business, wondering, as I sometimes do, how I got there (it was four in the morning) & who had signed my nipples. Since it was dark, & I was looking down at my nipples, I couldn't read the text (it was upside down), but later I discovered that a professional Ray Davies impersonator signed my nipples at a karaoke bar when I was pretending to be a police detective & would simply walk up to people with a megaphone, flash what looked like a badge but what was really my iPod, & scream "AMBER ALERT!" Strangely enough, the Ray Davies impersonator decided to sign my nipples "Paul Harvey." It was a good night, & I thank whoever it was who told me that cough syrup & permanent markers were a foot in the door of madness. I lost my shoe in that door that night.
Anyway, while I was sitting at the bus stop, trying to read my nipples, I became aware of a man sleeping on the ground behind the bench. He was muttering something to himself in his sleep. Naturally, him being asleep, I didn't expect him to be saying anything that would make sense, & I was right. He would shudder occasionally & his words were at turns inaudible & almost yelled out. I remember a few snatches of his dream babble:
He's got me!... I never loved Annie... What's love got to do, got to do with it?... Five'll get you ten he won't be able to find his underwear tomorrow... Buy refuse, sell trash... What's love but a second-hand emotion?... Indeed, this particular theorum stumped even the Pythogorians!... There's no way to find suspicious files in your mailboxes... Seriously - who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?... Annie! Annie!
I listened to his soliloquy for some time until I realized that the bus doesn't come at 4am. Also, my nipples (I discovered) are allergic to magic markers, so I began to experience some uncomfortable burning sensations in my man-breasts. So I began to raise myself & find my way home, when the sleeping man grabbed my leg. I couldn't make out his face, but he was bellowing at me something I couldn't understand. So I said, "Let me go!" He didn't let me go. I screamed, "I'll call the cops!' Nothing. I tried to get free while pleading to the night, "Please dear lord don't let me die at the hands of a man who dreams in Tina Turner songs!" He seemed to clutch me tighter. A cloud went behind the moon. A streetlight went out & a car down the street burst into flames (although it could have been a lingering cough syrup hallucination). I fell to the ground, skinning my knees & my palms, & I said, "No, no, no! I've never even been to Michigan!"
I didn't know that "Michigan" was the safe word of Annie, the strange old man's S&M partner. He let me go & offered to buy me breakfast. We ate that morning by the dumpsters outside IHOP & became fast friends. I dedicate this week's show - & the inspiration for it - to him.
By the way, that man was none other than GERALD MCRANEY. As if you didn't know.
Quick! A "Song Of The Day"! By Rodd Keith! From the collection Ecstasy To Frenzy! The song my girlfriend wants to dance to at our wedding: Little Rug Bug! Click to listen! Listen until April 4, 2007! Find out more about Song-Poems!
Sometime last February, in-between Bush Administration Fuck-Ups, I was sitting at the bus stop, minding my own business, wondering, as I sometimes do, how I got there (it was four in the morning) & who had signed my nipples. Since it was dark, & I was looking down at my nipples, I couldn't read the text (it was upside down), but later I discovered that a professional Ray Davies impersonator signed my nipples at a karaoke bar when I was pretending to be a police detective & would simply walk up to people with a megaphone, flash what looked like a badge but what was really my iPod, & scream "AMBER ALERT!" Strangely enough, the Ray Davies impersonator decided to sign my nipples "Paul Harvey." It was a good night, & I thank whoever it was who told me that cough syrup & permanent markers were a foot in the door of madness. I lost my shoe in that door that night.
Anyway, while I was sitting at the bus stop, trying to read my nipples, I became aware of a man sleeping on the ground behind the bench. He was muttering something to himself in his sleep. Naturally, him being asleep, I didn't expect him to be saying anything that would make sense, & I was right. He would shudder occasionally & his words were at turns inaudible & almost yelled out. I remember a few snatches of his dream babble:
He's got me!... I never loved Annie... What's love got to do, got to do with it?... Five'll get you ten he won't be able to find his underwear tomorrow... Buy refuse, sell trash... What's love but a second-hand emotion?... Indeed, this particular theorum stumped even the Pythogorians!... There's no way to find suspicious files in your mailboxes... Seriously - who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?... Annie! Annie!
I listened to his soliloquy for some time until I realized that the bus doesn't come at 4am. Also, my nipples (I discovered) are allergic to magic markers, so I began to experience some uncomfortable burning sensations in my man-breasts. So I began to raise myself & find my way home, when the sleeping man grabbed my leg. I couldn't make out his face, but he was bellowing at me something I couldn't understand. So I said, "Let me go!" He didn't let me go. I screamed, "I'll call the cops!' Nothing. I tried to get free while pleading to the night, "Please dear lord don't let me die at the hands of a man who dreams in Tina Turner songs!" He seemed to clutch me tighter. A cloud went behind the moon. A streetlight went out & a car down the street burst into flames (although it could have been a lingering cough syrup hallucination). I fell to the ground, skinning my knees & my palms, & I said, "No, no, no! I've never even been to Michigan!"
I didn't know that "Michigan" was the safe word of Annie, the strange old man's S&M partner. He let me go & offered to buy me breakfast. We ate that morning by the dumpsters outside IHOP & became fast friends. I dedicate this week's show - & the inspiration for it - to him.
By the way, that man was none other than GERALD MCRANEY. As if you didn't know.
Quick! A "Song Of The Day"! By Rodd Keith! From the collection Ecstasy To Frenzy! The song my girlfriend wants to dance to at our wedding: Little Rug Bug! Click to listen! Listen until April 4, 2007! Find out more about Song-Poems!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Preface To Michigan: What's So Great About Your Lakes?
I've never been to Michigan. Never even drove through. The closest I've been is Chicago. So why do a show about Michigan? Oh, wait. I'll answer that tomorrow.
Here's some fun facts about Michigan:
* It's the one state in the United States that didn't finish high school, but skipped a grade in elementary school.
* Michigan's name comes from a foreign word meaning something appropriate to the state.
* 1 in 4 people in Michigan have appeared (whether they like it or not) in a Michael Moore film.
* Super stuntman Elvis Knelvis once tried to jump Michigan in a motor boat. He sped west from Lake Huron into Saginaw Bay & tore up a three-mile-long ramp southwesterly, hoping to land in Lake Michigan outside Holland. Instead, his boat capsized & he was eaten by an electric eel.
* The Michigan-Ohio border is heavily fortified, but no one really knows why. Some blame it on Motown.
* No American president has ever come from Michigan. Gerald Ford claimed to be from Michigan, but, as his untimely death revealed earlier this year, he was an imaginary president.
* People from Michigan are called Michiganians, Michiganders, Michigeese, Michiganites, Michigolliwogs, or Jeff.
* Porcupine Mountains State Park is a totally cool place to hook up with your squeeze & to score some killer local weed. Go to the Park Ranger Station & ask for Canada Joe. If possible, bring a trinket. He collects commemorative spoons. He'll totally set you up.
* Michigan has more lighthouses that any other state, except perhaps Utah. Just think about it, it makes sense.
* There is a place called Podunk, Michigan. My brother said I was making it up but I wasn't. I also wasn't making up Timbuktu so stop being a baby & come look at this map. Mom!
Did you want to hear a "Song Of The Day"? Here's one that has almost nothing to do with Michigan, except that it's about a popular pasttime in Dearborn. It's from a compilation called Dirtnap Across The Northwest, which is a rock/indie rock/punk/garage kind of comp. "Dirtnap" is an anagram of "Dr. Paint." I just noticed that. Anyway, the song is by the Exploding Hearts & it's called Sniffin' Glue. Click to sniff. Do it before April 3, 2007. Then it goes away.
Tomorrow: why sniffing glue is an epidemic in Michigan, & how that led an intrepid deejay to focus on it on a special Self Help Radio profile!
Here's some fun facts about Michigan:
* It's the one state in the United States that didn't finish high school, but skipped a grade in elementary school.
* Michigan's name comes from a foreign word meaning something appropriate to the state.
* 1 in 4 people in Michigan have appeared (whether they like it or not) in a Michael Moore film.
* Super stuntman Elvis Knelvis once tried to jump Michigan in a motor boat. He sped west from Lake Huron into Saginaw Bay & tore up a three-mile-long ramp southwesterly, hoping to land in Lake Michigan outside Holland. Instead, his boat capsized & he was eaten by an electric eel.
* The Michigan-Ohio border is heavily fortified, but no one really knows why. Some blame it on Motown.
* No American president has ever come from Michigan. Gerald Ford claimed to be from Michigan, but, as his untimely death revealed earlier this year, he was an imaginary president.
* People from Michigan are called Michiganians, Michiganders, Michigeese, Michiganites, Michigolliwogs, or Jeff.
* Porcupine Mountains State Park is a totally cool place to hook up with your squeeze & to score some killer local weed. Go to the Park Ranger Station & ask for Canada Joe. If possible, bring a trinket. He collects commemorative spoons. He'll totally set you up.
* Michigan has more lighthouses that any other state, except perhaps Utah. Just think about it, it makes sense.
* There is a place called Podunk, Michigan. My brother said I was making it up but I wasn't. I also wasn't making up Timbuktu so stop being a baby & come look at this map. Mom!
Did you want to hear a "Song Of The Day"? Here's one that has almost nothing to do with Michigan, except that it's about a popular pasttime in Dearborn. It's from a compilation called Dirtnap Across The Northwest, which is a rock/indie rock/punk/garage kind of comp. "Dirtnap" is an anagram of "Dr. Paint." I just noticed that. Anyway, the song is by the Exploding Hearts & it's called Sniffin' Glue. Click to sniff. Do it before April 3, 2007. Then it goes away.
Tomorrow: why sniffing glue is an epidemic in Michigan, & how that led an intrepid deejay to focus on it on a special Self Help Radio profile!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Two Times The Monday Wrap-Ups At Four Times The Price
Well, another "Sowf By Sowf Vest" has gone by & what have we learned? That's a rhetorical question. I spent most of the weekend doing yard work.
Since I missed two weeks of wrap-ups, let's go ahead & share two whole weeks of haikus & limericks.
First: my "SXSW" show. Haiku winners, from fourth to first place:
FOURTH PLACE: Joe
Here is the lost man
He can’t find the Austin bar
He’s playing tonight
THIRD PLACE: Gail
You feel unwanted?
Remember: you did not get
An invitation.
SECOND PLACE: Dave
Watch the grand monkey
He’s overstimulated
There’s too much to do!
FIRST PLACE: Stacy
A heart left behind
No lights capture drunken sleep
Bed of my own filth
& a limerick:
It’s said that the best of the best
Come here during South By Southwest
But once you’ve attended
& cash you have spended
You’ll see they’re as bad as the rest.
Yippee!
Last week was a tribute to Molly Ivins. Here are the winning haikus:
FOURTH PLACE: Susan
Never met, now gone
Strange an emptiness appears
Missing someone's words
THIRD PLACE: John
Rules are gonna change
If there's no beer in heaven
She'll brew the first batch
SECOND PLACE: Marcos
Like the best ideas
Both familiar & new, she
Made me laugh & think
FIRST PLACE: Rachel
Molly Molly I
Made me laugh & made me cry
Good Molly goodbye
What? Another limerick? Sure:
If life's all about survivin'
Cheatin', backstabbin', connivin',
How sad that our poor sphere
Has less to fight with here
Losing dear old Molly Ivins.
& lo & behold: the "Song Of The Day" returns. I was feeling electronical today & was listening to The Black Dog - specifically the record Silenced. I thought you might like to hear some too. This is the first track, called Trojan Horus (Part 1) & you can click on it to hear it. It'll be up for two weeks, until April 2 2007.
This week: I learned how to speak Michiganese to explain to you why my show this week is about Michigan!
Since I missed two weeks of wrap-ups, let's go ahead & share two whole weeks of haikus & limericks.
First: my "SXSW" show. Haiku winners, from fourth to first place:
FOURTH PLACE: Joe
Here is the lost man
He can’t find the Austin bar
He’s playing tonight
THIRD PLACE: Gail
You feel unwanted?
Remember: you did not get
An invitation.
SECOND PLACE: Dave
Watch the grand monkey
He’s overstimulated
There’s too much to do!
FIRST PLACE: Stacy
A heart left behind
No lights capture drunken sleep
Bed of my own filth
& a limerick:
It’s said that the best of the best
Come here during South By Southwest
But once you’ve attended
& cash you have spended
You’ll see they’re as bad as the rest.
Yippee!
Last week was a tribute to Molly Ivins. Here are the winning haikus:
FOURTH PLACE: Susan
Never met, now gone
Strange an emptiness appears
Missing someone's words
THIRD PLACE: John
Rules are gonna change
If there's no beer in heaven
She'll brew the first batch
SECOND PLACE: Marcos
Like the best ideas
Both familiar & new, she
Made me laugh & think
FIRST PLACE: Rachel
Molly Molly I
Made me laugh & made me cry
Good Molly goodbye
What? Another limerick? Sure:
If life's all about survivin'
Cheatin', backstabbin', connivin',
How sad that our poor sphere
Has less to fight with here
Losing dear old Molly Ivins.
& lo & behold: the "Song Of The Day" returns. I was feeling electronical today & was listening to The Black Dog - specifically the record Silenced. I thought you might like to hear some too. This is the first track, called Trojan Horus (Part 1) & you can click on it to hear it. It'll be up for two weeks, until April 2 2007.
This week: I learned how to speak Michiganese to explain to you why my show this week is about Michigan!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
What The Hell Happened To The Self Help Radio Blog?
Oh, I'm sorry. I got sick. This week is "South By West South" in Austin & I usually take the week off (but not because I got sick) (that happened this time) (I hope it doesn't become a yearly thing). It's been raining a lot, as well. Not that that keeps me from blogging, since I rarely blog outdoors, but it seemed something I could add for people who like local color.
This blog thing will resume its normal course next Monday. Until then, here are three important things to know:
1) If you want to hear my radio show from last week, where I played songs by bands I like who coincidentally happen to be coming to town for the "music festival" which happens around this time every year in Austin (although, contrary to popular belief, it did not happen in the years 1862-1865, because of the Civil War), you can do that now over at the Self Help Radio home page. Think of it as a way to listen to my radio show even when it's not Friday.
2) Speaking of Friday, this Friday I am paying tribute to a great Texan named Molly Ivins. I never met her, although she spent a lot of time in Austin, but I've been reading her since I was aware there was a funny, brash, smart, dissenting voice out there that didn't sound like anyone else. My show will still be mostly music, but if you're lucky, I may cry.
3) There'll be no "Songs Of The Days" this week. Sorry. Find other blogs that do that. There are lots.
Have fun this week, whether you're in Austin or not. I'll be back next Monday.
This blog thing will resume its normal course next Monday. Until then, here are three important things to know:
1) If you want to hear my radio show from last week, where I played songs by bands I like who coincidentally happen to be coming to town for the "music festival" which happens around this time every year in Austin (although, contrary to popular belief, it did not happen in the years 1862-1865, because of the Civil War), you can do that now over at the Self Help Radio home page. Think of it as a way to listen to my radio show even when it's not Friday.
2) Speaking of Friday, this Friday I am paying tribute to a great Texan named Molly Ivins. I never met her, although she spent a lot of time in Austin, but I've been reading her since I was aware there was a funny, brash, smart, dissenting voice out there that didn't sound like anyone else. My show will still be mostly music, but if you're lucky, I may cry.
3) There'll be no "Songs Of The Days" this week. Sorry. Find other blogs that do that. There are lots.
Have fun this week, whether you're in Austin or not. I'll be back next Monday.
Friday, March 09, 2007
A Friday Gambol
Did you know that there's a radio show show on in Austin on Fridays called (believe it or not) Self Help Radio & it's hosted by a man who's not only not a zombie nor a robot, but who also is the main chronicler of the war on sailing? It's true. It's on Fridays at 4:30pm. You can listen online if you are not from these parts (remember, you may have to translate from Texas time) live at koop.org. You are welcome to come. But the fruit cups are for the celebrity guests.
Today's show will be some sounds from bands that are coming to Austin next week for a little-known musical festival called "Over By Over-Rated." If you happen to be coming to town, please come visit KOOP. If you happen to be coming to town & you're going to visit KOOP, & it's a Friday afternoon, come visit me. I'll put you on the air & we'll cry about our lost youth.
Before I disappear for the week, here's a "Song Of The Day". It sounds a lot like the sort of music you'd hear on a show I really like on KOOP called Cinemaphonics. It's by the Herbaliser from their record called Take London. (Take it where?) It's called Song For Mary & once you click on it, you can add, "& it goes like this..." It will stay there till oh let's say March 23, 2007.
I'll be seeing you on the radio today! I mean. What?
Today's show will be some sounds from bands that are coming to Austin next week for a little-known musical festival called "Over By Over-Rated." If you happen to be coming to town, please come visit KOOP. If you happen to be coming to town & you're going to visit KOOP, & it's a Friday afternoon, come visit me. I'll put you on the air & we'll cry about our lost youth.
Before I disappear for the week, here's a "Song Of The Day". It sounds a lot like the sort of music you'd hear on a show I really like on KOOP called Cinemaphonics. It's by the Herbaliser from their record called Take London. (Take it where?) It's called Song For Mary & once you click on it, you can add, "& it goes like this..." It will stay there till oh let's say March 23, 2007.
I'll be seeing you on the radio today! I mean. What?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Jesus Answered Letters On Thursdays
It's true, look at II Carpathians 3:14 to 5:13 (inclusive).
Today's letter doesn't really make a lot of sense unless you're really drunk on cough syrup & then try to revive yourself by doing twelve espresso shots in a row. So do that, then read this:
GARY!
yoou wanted me to write ---- i saw ON your blog --! tell me all about yourself --!-- i dont live in AUSTIN so your station is a ??mystery??-!--- do you PLAY music or is your shoow FOR peoople?-?---!-- is THIS the sort of questioon you like US to ask you?-----becayse I can't think oof ANYTHING MORE!---
--from C in COLORADO---
The writer's name is not a single letter. I just abbreviated it because I didn't know how many people in Colorado had a name that started with the letter C. That way you can only guess who it is. You'll never be sure.
Unless you know someone who uses that many dashes in their email. That's intriguing. I must start doing that. I'll probably start doing that. I swipe weird written habits sometimes without thinking about it. Just because it looks neat. Although I'll need to study this writer's ways a little more first. I'd hate to do it wrong.
To respond to the email:
I can't tell you all about myself in this short space, but I can recommend you try to find my OTHER blog (& no, not the one on my embarrassing myspace page), which is much more confessional & contains my unfinished philosophical treatise, I'm Really Sorry, Can I Try Again?. (Now that I think about it, the title of that is ironical. Who knew?) I keep that blog a secret, primarily because of the popularity of a blog I am about to start, one that chronicles the war on sailing. That blog, for better or worse, will make me a household name.
My show is a musical show, but it's also for people. I regularly lament the fact that a lot of radio shows these days are not for people. The number of radio shows for zombies & robots has increased exponentially, & indeed, my own radio station has at least two shows for zombies. (Robots occasionally stop by, especially when they hear the word "programmer," but so far only a couple of KOOP shows have courted robot listeners. This is because robots have a lot of money. Zombies hardly ever have any money, & when they do, they eat it.)
& by the way - just because zombies used to be people doesn't mean they are now. So they can enjoy their "morning zoo crew" all they want, but no people listen to that - & if they do, it'll turn them into zombies.
Finally, those questions are the sorts of questions I like to be asked, yes. Luckily for you, I am capable of answering those sorts of questions with completely different responses every time they are asked. So please, write again. At some point, one of my answers will satisfy you.
& now, a "Song Of The Day". I was listening (as I do) to T Rex, specifically this probably redundant collection I got called T Rex Rocks! & figured I'd share. This appears to be the only "alternate version" on the collection, so maybe it's new to you. It's Rock On, & you can listen to it by clicking the song's name. You may continue rocking until March 22, when I will remove the mp3. Whether you continue to rock after that is up to you.
Tomorrow's show is all about bands I like who are coming to town for an obscure music festival we have every March. Tune in tomorrow at 4:30 pm!
Today's letter doesn't really make a lot of sense unless you're really drunk on cough syrup & then try to revive yourself by doing twelve espresso shots in a row. So do that, then read this:
GARY!
yoou wanted me to write ---- i saw ON your blog --! tell me all about yourself --!-- i dont live in AUSTIN so your station is a ??mystery??-!--- do you PLAY music or is your shoow FOR peoople?-?---!-- is THIS the sort of questioon you like US to ask you?-----becayse I can't think oof ANYTHING MORE!---
--from C in COLORADO---
The writer's name is not a single letter. I just abbreviated it because I didn't know how many people in Colorado had a name that started with the letter C. That way you can only guess who it is. You'll never be sure.
Unless you know someone who uses that many dashes in their email. That's intriguing. I must start doing that. I'll probably start doing that. I swipe weird written habits sometimes without thinking about it. Just because it looks neat. Although I'll need to study this writer's ways a little more first. I'd hate to do it wrong.
To respond to the email:
I can't tell you all about myself in this short space, but I can recommend you try to find my OTHER blog (& no, not the one on my embarrassing myspace page), which is much more confessional & contains my unfinished philosophical treatise, I'm Really Sorry, Can I Try Again?. (Now that I think about it, the title of that is ironical. Who knew?) I keep that blog a secret, primarily because of the popularity of a blog I am about to start, one that chronicles the war on sailing. That blog, for better or worse, will make me a household name.
My show is a musical show, but it's also for people. I regularly lament the fact that a lot of radio shows these days are not for people. The number of radio shows for zombies & robots has increased exponentially, & indeed, my own radio station has at least two shows for zombies. (Robots occasionally stop by, especially when they hear the word "programmer," but so far only a couple of KOOP shows have courted robot listeners. This is because robots have a lot of money. Zombies hardly ever have any money, & when they do, they eat it.)
& by the way - just because zombies used to be people doesn't mean they are now. So they can enjoy their "morning zoo crew" all they want, but no people listen to that - & if they do, it'll turn them into zombies.
Finally, those questions are the sorts of questions I like to be asked, yes. Luckily for you, I am capable of answering those sorts of questions with completely different responses every time they are asked. So please, write again. At some point, one of my answers will satisfy you.
& now, a "Song Of The Day". I was listening (as I do) to T Rex, specifically this probably redundant collection I got called T Rex Rocks! & figured I'd share. This appears to be the only "alternate version" on the collection, so maybe it's new to you. It's Rock On, & you can listen to it by clicking the song's name. You may continue rocking until March 22, when I will remove the mp3. Whether you continue to rock after that is up to you.
Tomorrow's show is all about bands I like who are coming to town for an obscure music festival we have every March. Tune in tomorrow at 4:30 pm!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Whither SXSW 2007?
Welcome to the 100th post of my Self Help Radio blog! It's such a special occasion I've made this entire entry out of cheese.
This week's show is my recommendations for bands that are playing "South By Southwest." I am playing bands I like. If you choose to go to see them, fine. Just don't mention me. Bands don't like that I like them. I'm not "cool" enough for them. My "ego" is not "strong" enough to take their "abuse." So let's let the fact that I like them & they'll be in town just be our little secret.
In fact, I won't really be involved in the music side of "South By Southwest" at all. I'll instead be involved in the custodial side. You guessed it - I was able to pay the outrageous ten dollar fee to get an official "South By Southwest" dustpan & broom. It's sad, they strap them to your wrist & you can't take them off until after the festival. I'm so excited by this - every morning around five am I get to go out & clean up after partyers & bands!
"South By Southwest Custodial" is a big step forward for me, & I like the way they sell it. Did you see the bullet points on the brochure? Here are highlights:
* Clean up after the famous & not-very-famous alike!
* Get lots of exercise in a stale-beer-smelling environment!
* Find out secrets of the famous & not-so-famous - like whether they can hold their liquor & what they had for dinner - by hosing vomit off of bar floors!
* All guitar picks, jewelry, money & drugs you find you get to keep! Teeth & limbs must be returned to their owners.
So you & I may not cross paths during the festival, but every time you spill a beer - every time you crush a cigarette under your shoe - every time you take a leak backstage - think of me.
Hey! Here's a "Song Of The Day". It's by DJ Yoda, a turntablist whose work I enjoy & from whose mix tapes I've stolen samples, from his record last year called The Amazing Adventures Of DJ Yoda, which was good but not great. Here's a track, featuring the Jungle Brothers. It's called Playin' Around & you should click on it & celebrate this blog's 100th post. It'll remain here till March 21, 2007, at which point I'll have finished this blog's 200th post. (Wait. What?)
Hooray! 100 posts! Someone get me a cheese shredder & we can eat!
This week's show is my recommendations for bands that are playing "South By Southwest." I am playing bands I like. If you choose to go to see them, fine. Just don't mention me. Bands don't like that I like them. I'm not "cool" enough for them. My "ego" is not "strong" enough to take their "abuse." So let's let the fact that I like them & they'll be in town just be our little secret.
In fact, I won't really be involved in the music side of "South By Southwest" at all. I'll instead be involved in the custodial side. You guessed it - I was able to pay the outrageous ten dollar fee to get an official "South By Southwest" dustpan & broom. It's sad, they strap them to your wrist & you can't take them off until after the festival. I'm so excited by this - every morning around five am I get to go out & clean up after partyers & bands!
"South By Southwest Custodial" is a big step forward for me, & I like the way they sell it. Did you see the bullet points on the brochure? Here are highlights:
* Clean up after the famous & not-very-famous alike!
* Get lots of exercise in a stale-beer-smelling environment!
* Find out secrets of the famous & not-so-famous - like whether they can hold their liquor & what they had for dinner - by hosing vomit off of bar floors!
* All guitar picks, jewelry, money & drugs you find you get to keep! Teeth & limbs must be returned to their owners.
So you & I may not cross paths during the festival, but every time you spill a beer - every time you crush a cigarette under your shoe - every time you take a leak backstage - think of me.
Hey! Here's a "Song Of The Day". It's by DJ Yoda, a turntablist whose work I enjoy & from whose mix tapes I've stolen samples, from his record last year called The Amazing Adventures Of DJ Yoda, which was good but not great. Here's a track, featuring the Jungle Brothers. It's called Playin' Around & you should click on it & celebrate this blog's 100th post. It'll remain here till March 21, 2007, at which point I'll have finished this blog's 200th post. (Wait. What?)
Hooray! 100 posts! Someone get me a cheese shredder & we can eat!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Preface To SXSW2007: Where's The Line Start?
I confess that, though I have lived in Austin for seven hundred years (this September), I have only taken part in "South By South West" a couple of times. I kind of wish I had been a part of it back when it was surely more personal & fun - when a wristband went for a few bucks & when a local band really could count on it as a chance to showcase their skills. Now it feels like a Hollywood awards show - pre-scripted, down to the winners. Of which, heavy sigh, I am not one. Or else I'd doubtless feel differently.
But I play my part. I play songs from bands I like on my show. I make it to day shows (since I can't afford the pound of flesh it takes to get a wristband, &, even if I could, I never pay any attention to the deadlines for purchasing such things) if there's something I want to see, & I feel a little envious when people flaunt their gift bags, their amazing stories ("& then, from out of nowhere, BOB DYLAN stepped onstage & took a shit on the audience!") & the general starfucking that some of my friends like to engage in, for whatever reason (true admiration, ambition, a weird desire to fuck the almost famous).
My envy isn't really, "Gosh I wish I had been there to do that!" It's more, "Gosh I wish I had the energy & desire, the drive, the actual wherewithal, to go out & do shit like that." I'm not made like that - perhaps I never was. & having gone through the snail pantomime that is Customs at Gatwick, I have no desire to wait in any long lines for the time being. Also, I don't smoke anymore - what the hell do you do in a line when you can't smoke?
If you're coming to town for "South By South West," I hope you have fun. Just remember to listen to me on the radio. You don't need a wristband & I always delight. When I am not irritating. Or pouting.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is a sweet shy boy song from The Legendary Jim Ruiz Group that I found on a collection put out by Chickfactor & released a few years ago called All's Fair In Love & Chickfactor. The song is called Ariel, & you can click its name to hear the song. The mp3 will stay right here until March 20, 2007, at which point it'll disappear.
Tomorrow: my one hundredth post here. There will be blood.
But I play my part. I play songs from bands I like on my show. I make it to day shows (since I can't afford the pound of flesh it takes to get a wristband, &, even if I could, I never pay any attention to the deadlines for purchasing such things) if there's something I want to see, & I feel a little envious when people flaunt their gift bags, their amazing stories ("& then, from out of nowhere, BOB DYLAN stepped onstage & took a shit on the audience!") & the general starfucking that some of my friends like to engage in, for whatever reason (true admiration, ambition, a weird desire to fuck the almost famous).
My envy isn't really, "Gosh I wish I had been there to do that!" It's more, "Gosh I wish I had the energy & desire, the drive, the actual wherewithal, to go out & do shit like that." I'm not made like that - perhaps I never was. & having gone through the snail pantomime that is Customs at Gatwick, I have no desire to wait in any long lines for the time being. Also, I don't smoke anymore - what the hell do you do in a line when you can't smoke?
If you're coming to town for "South By South West," I hope you have fun. Just remember to listen to me on the radio. You don't need a wristband & I always delight. When I am not irritating. Or pouting.
Today's "Song Of The Day" is a sweet shy boy song from The Legendary Jim Ruiz Group that I found on a collection put out by Chickfactor & released a few years ago called All's Fair In Love & Chickfactor. The song is called Ariel, & you can click its name to hear the song. The mp3 will stay right here until March 20, 2007, at which point it'll disappear.
Tomorrow: my one hundredth post here. There will be blood.
Monday, March 05, 2007
This Monday Haiku Wrap Up Is Full Of Feist
I hid all last week & no one found me. That makes you "It." Ha!
Here are the winners of the hiding haiku contest - I hope their prizes find them. If you want to write a haiku to be read on the air, just be aware that the theme this week is South By Southwest. Write away! We list the winners from fourth place to first:
FOURTH PLACE: Rick
I was underground
But not hidden, just searching
Looking for my roots
THIRD PLACE: Tanya
Is it called hiding
When I spend time all alone
With guilty pleasures?
SECOND PLACE: Stewart
The sky masked with clouds
Concealing terrible night
Hiding the new moon
FIRST PLACE: Patricia
Watch love stowaway
In the great cruise of your life
Then fall overboard
Did we have a limerick? We did!
In the old Scottish River called Clyde
There beasties are said to be spied
No matter your wishes
‘Tis certain they’re vicious
Your hide it is best that ye hide.
Thanks all! You don't need to hide any more!
Two things:
1) Last Friday's show about hiding has been digitized & can be listened to if you missed. Just go to this page & consume it all up.
2) Today's "Song Of The Day" is from the Smithsonian set American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs & Stars, Vol. 2 & is a song from Lady In The Dark, from the original run & sung by the wonderful Gertrude Lawrence. It's the darkly comic song
Jenny, & clicking on it will show you that you need to learn the song's lesson about making up your mind. I'll leave it here for two weeks, until March 19, 2007.
Tomorrow: there's a music festival coming to Austin. Why do I care?
Here are the winners of the hiding haiku contest - I hope their prizes find them. If you want to write a haiku to be read on the air, just be aware that the theme this week is South By Southwest. Write away! We list the winners from fourth place to first:
FOURTH PLACE: Rick
I was underground
But not hidden, just searching
Looking for my roots
THIRD PLACE: Tanya
Is it called hiding
When I spend time all alone
With guilty pleasures?
SECOND PLACE: Stewart
The sky masked with clouds
Concealing terrible night
Hiding the new moon
FIRST PLACE: Patricia
Watch love stowaway
In the great cruise of your life
Then fall overboard
Did we have a limerick? We did!
In the old Scottish River called Clyde
There beasties are said to be spied
No matter your wishes
‘Tis certain they’re vicious
Your hide it is best that ye hide.
Thanks all! You don't need to hide any more!
Two things:
1) Last Friday's show about hiding has been digitized & can be listened to if you missed. Just go to this page & consume it all up.
2) Today's "Song Of The Day" is from the Smithsonian set American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs & Stars, Vol. 2 & is a song from Lady In The Dark, from the original run & sung by the wonderful Gertrude Lawrence. It's the darkly comic song
Jenny, & clicking on it will show you that you need to learn the song's lesson about making up your mind. I'll leave it here for two weeks, until March 19, 2007.
Tomorrow: there's a music festival coming to Austin. Why do I care?
Friday, March 02, 2007
A Friday Frolic
Nothing much to note... I have to do a show today... It's about hiding...
Are you excited about South By Southwest? I'm doing a show about it next week, & looking over the bands, there aren't many bands I'm too crazy about seeing. I'm be interested in hearing what everyone wants to see. It seems to me that it's not that great a line-up this year.
I came here to contine the "Song Of The Day", where I have shared with you the first five of the my world-famous Indiepop A To Z collection. I'll continue in a couple of months when I have another Indiepop A To Z show. But today is an band called Accrington Stanley (apparently named after an English Football Club) who were featured on the third volume of the essential Sound Of Leamington Spa collections. It's called The New Me & it will turn you into a new man, especially if you're a woman. Click on the song to make it go. It'll be available till the week of March 19, 2007, when I will take it down & make it feel bad for being so downloadable.
Listen at 4:30 today! There are giveaways & stuff. I will personally hide all during the show!
Are you excited about South By Southwest? I'm doing a show about it next week, & looking over the bands, there aren't many bands I'm too crazy about seeing. I'm be interested in hearing what everyone wants to see. It seems to me that it's not that great a line-up this year.
I came here to contine the "Song Of The Day", where I have shared with you the first five of the my world-famous Indiepop A To Z collection. I'll continue in a couple of months when I have another Indiepop A To Z show. But today is an band called Accrington Stanley (apparently named after an English Football Club) who were featured on the third volume of the essential Sound Of Leamington Spa collections. It's called The New Me & it will turn you into a new man, especially if you're a woman. Click on the song to make it go. It'll be available till the week of March 19, 2007, when I will take it down & make it feel bad for being so downloadable.
Listen at 4:30 today! There are giveaways & stuff. I will personally hide all during the show!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
A Letter. An Answer. A Thursday.
Is it really Thursday? I feel like I am deserved at least two more nights' sleep. Oh! But I get paid today. Ah yeah.
This strange email came to me earlier this week:
Hello Mr Gary
I need to know your full name for a project I am working on. Not your middle name if you don't have one but your full name. You don't say your full name on the air like other ko-op dj's do. Thank you.
A project you are working on? Is that what they call identity theft these days? (I have written this person back about this "project," but so far she has not responded. If I find out - & before it ends up on the Sci-Fi Channel - I'll be sure to let you know what it was.)
I guess the worst thing about identity theft would be if a person stealing my identity could do a better job with it than I do.
I also wonder why people call me "Mr. Gary"? I know, it beats being called "dude," but it's strange - people at the station call me that, as does one of my cats. Do I seem like a "Mr Gary"? Not a "Dr Gary"? Or a "Professor Gary"? Hmmph!
I don't suppose it's any secret - the name is all over the KOOP website, since I maintain their mailing lists & am on the Programming Committee - but my name is Gary Dickerson. I guess I don't use my full name on the air since there aren't any other Garys at KOOP. Nor shall I allow there to be.
My middle name died a miserable death just out of high school. It kind of suffocated when I forgot all about it. I've tried to add new middle names, but, alas, no name can apparently live between my first & last names. Sad.
Tune in tomorrow! A show about hiding! You can listen in seclusion! No one will ever know!
Ah, the "Song Of The Day". More Indiepop A To Z. This would be the fourth song as the list goes. It's by the Swedish folk pop band Able from their record Prestigeless Lovesounds. It's called I Was So In Love (& Now I Don't Know Why), & it's by far the poppiest thing I've heard by them. Click on the name to listen. & listen before the week of March 19, 2007 - I'll leave it up till then.
Listen tomorrow or I'll find where you hide!
This strange email came to me earlier this week:
Hello Mr Gary
I need to know your full name for a project I am working on. Not your middle name if you don't have one but your full name. You don't say your full name on the air like other ko-op dj's do. Thank you.
A project you are working on? Is that what they call identity theft these days? (I have written this person back about this "project," but so far she has not responded. If I find out - & before it ends up on the Sci-Fi Channel - I'll be sure to let you know what it was.)
I guess the worst thing about identity theft would be if a person stealing my identity could do a better job with it than I do.
I also wonder why people call me "Mr. Gary"? I know, it beats being called "dude," but it's strange - people at the station call me that, as does one of my cats. Do I seem like a "Mr Gary"? Not a "Dr Gary"? Or a "Professor Gary"? Hmmph!
I don't suppose it's any secret - the name is all over the KOOP website, since I maintain their mailing lists & am on the Programming Committee - but my name is Gary Dickerson. I guess I don't use my full name on the air since there aren't any other Garys at KOOP. Nor shall I allow there to be.
My middle name died a miserable death just out of high school. It kind of suffocated when I forgot all about it. I've tried to add new middle names, but, alas, no name can apparently live between my first & last names. Sad.
Tune in tomorrow! A show about hiding! You can listen in seclusion! No one will ever know!
Ah, the "Song Of The Day". More Indiepop A To Z. This would be the fourth song as the list goes. It's by the Swedish folk pop band Able from their record Prestigeless Lovesounds. It's called I Was So In Love (& Now I Don't Know Why), & it's by far the poppiest thing I've heard by them. Click on the name to listen. & listen before the week of March 19, 2007 - I'll leave it up till then.
Listen tomorrow or I'll find where you hide!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Whither Hiding?
I remember the day I got a copy (which cost me three dollars in nickels & four hundred saved wrappers of beef jerky - & believe me, my entire bedroom smelled like an abattoir by the time I saved up four hundred of those plastic casings) of the Official Rules Of The Game Of Hide & Seek. My friends had been debating those rules for some time, including what true & eternal rights are granted when one is "it" as well as the boundaries of where it was proper to "hide." Though we didn't have the "internet" then, we certainly knew how to make shit up, so all summer long we argued & cajoled &, even though some of us had by that time discovered masturbation, we spent long afternoons debating the rules of what we truly thought was the ultimate in childhood games.
The Official Rules Of The Game Of Hide & Seek was first published in London in 1745 by a distant ancestor of the actor Martin Sheen. Strangely enough, the writer was also a distant ancestor of George Gobel, but there is no evidence that Martin Sheen & George Gobel are related. Suffice it to say it was very difficult being British in 1745. (1746, however, was apparently a very good year for being British.) The writer's name was Edmund "Fancy Pants" Mathersbykite. A shy & reserved son of a diseased earl, Mathersbykite was tortured by his older siblings with their capriciousness as regards childhood games. Indeed, Mathersbykite's oldest sibling, Clive, is credited with being not only the creator of dodgeball, but also the first person to be hanged for killing someone in a dodgeball game. Young Edmund grew up furious with the way his brothers & his sister seemed incapable of consistency in any single game. If Edmund had not been blessed with obsessive/compulsive disorder (in those days known as "being prissy"), he might not have been able to bring any sort of sense to childhood games.
Two earlier treatises, "The Importance Of Falling Down When You've Been Shot" & "No Take Backs," were written while he was locked in a closet during a game of hide & seek that was a pretext for cruelty. They were self-published when Edmund was seventeen, but were lost when his sister said she wanted to read every copy to tell him what she thought but instead used them for toilet paper for the family manor in Wales. Perhaps because sadism he was subjected to when the game of hide & seek was played, Edmund turned his attention to that subject. He would spend nearly the rest of his life defining the game. Which sounds impressive, except he was killed when he was twenty-two by his younger brother Canute when their kite strings got tangled & Canute angrily wrapped Edmund in the strings. A gust of wind & some nearby cliffs spelled the end for the great rules maker about whom Hoyle once said, "Edmund who?"
As a child, I found The Official Rules Of The Game Of Hide & Seek to be a strangely long book (seventeen hundred pages) & suprisingly free of pictures. It was also filled with footnotes in Greek. In addition, Mathersbykite's tendency to write in iambic pentameter was a little off-putting, especially, as my friend Gus noted, "It don't rhyme." Nonetheless, I began the read the book &, after only a few pages, realized it was utterly worthless. My friends & I, totally bummed about having to return to school after wasting a summer worrying about the rules to a dumb game, beat each other up & went swimming.
I wouldn't have as much fun again until I became an adult & became embroiled in the war on sailing. But that's another story for a different time.
I hope you understand now why the theme of Self Help Radio this week is "hiding."
The "Song Of The Day": more Indiepop A To Z. Song # 3. By the Scottish indiepop group Aberfeldy. From their debut record Young Forever. It's called Vegetarian Restaurant & it's sweet & pretty. I'll remove it on or around March 14, 2007 - but probably later, since it'll be South By Southwest at the time & I probably won't be blogging much.
The Official Rules Of The Game Of Hide & Seek was first published in London in 1745 by a distant ancestor of the actor Martin Sheen. Strangely enough, the writer was also a distant ancestor of George Gobel, but there is no evidence that Martin Sheen & George Gobel are related. Suffice it to say it was very difficult being British in 1745. (1746, however, was apparently a very good year for being British.) The writer's name was Edmund "Fancy Pants" Mathersbykite. A shy & reserved son of a diseased earl, Mathersbykite was tortured by his older siblings with their capriciousness as regards childhood games. Indeed, Mathersbykite's oldest sibling, Clive, is credited with being not only the creator of dodgeball, but also the first person to be hanged for killing someone in a dodgeball game. Young Edmund grew up furious with the way his brothers & his sister seemed incapable of consistency in any single game. If Edmund had not been blessed with obsessive/compulsive disorder (in those days known as "being prissy"), he might not have been able to bring any sort of sense to childhood games.
Two earlier treatises, "The Importance Of Falling Down When You've Been Shot" & "No Take Backs," were written while he was locked in a closet during a game of hide & seek that was a pretext for cruelty. They were self-published when Edmund was seventeen, but were lost when his sister said she wanted to read every copy to tell him what she thought but instead used them for toilet paper for the family manor in Wales. Perhaps because sadism he was subjected to when the game of hide & seek was played, Edmund turned his attention to that subject. He would spend nearly the rest of his life defining the game. Which sounds impressive, except he was killed when he was twenty-two by his younger brother Canute when their kite strings got tangled & Canute angrily wrapped Edmund in the strings. A gust of wind & some nearby cliffs spelled the end for the great rules maker about whom Hoyle once said, "Edmund who?"
As a child, I found The Official Rules Of The Game Of Hide & Seek to be a strangely long book (seventeen hundred pages) & suprisingly free of pictures. It was also filled with footnotes in Greek. In addition, Mathersbykite's tendency to write in iambic pentameter was a little off-putting, especially, as my friend Gus noted, "It don't rhyme." Nonetheless, I began the read the book &, after only a few pages, realized it was utterly worthless. My friends & I, totally bummed about having to return to school after wasting a summer worrying about the rules to a dumb game, beat each other up & went swimming.
I wouldn't have as much fun again until I became an adult & became embroiled in the war on sailing. But that's another story for a different time.
I hope you understand now why the theme of Self Help Radio this week is "hiding."
The "Song Of The Day": more Indiepop A To Z. Song # 3. By the Scottish indiepop group Aberfeldy. From their debut record Young Forever. It's called Vegetarian Restaurant & it's sweet & pretty. I'll remove it on or around March 14, 2007 - but probably later, since it'll be South By Southwest at the time & I probably won't be blogging much.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Preface To Hiding: How Not To Be Seen
Dude! It's my first embedded movie!
If that doesn't work, the video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6hTwZ6Un8.
I can't say more than the masters.
The "Song Of The Day" continues the very first Indiepop A To Z tracks I played. Number two is/was a song by the California indiepop group Aberdeen, who found their way to the legendary Sarah Records & then reemerged later in the 21st century to make more lovely music. This is an older track taken from the Sarah compilation Battery Point & it's called Fran. Click on the name to hear the song. It'll be here till March 13, 2007.
Tomorrow: why a show about hiding? What have I got to hide?
If that doesn't work, the video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6hTwZ6Un8.
I can't say more than the masters.
The "Song Of The Day" continues the very first Indiepop A To Z tracks I played. Number two is/was a song by the California indiepop group Aberdeen, who found their way to the legendary Sarah Records & then reemerged later in the 21st century to make more lovely music. This is an older track taken from the Sarah compilation Battery Point & it's called Fran. Click on the name to hear the song. It'll be here till March 13, 2007.
Tomorrow: why a show about hiding? What have I got to hide?