Preface To King Fill-In-The-Blank: Someone Get Me Away From This Piano

Did you know that in a clavichord the strings are struck by tangents, whereas in a harpsichord they are plucked by quills? I think I did but it was of no consequence so I forgot I knew.

Here's something that might blow your mind: the first piano was built around three hundred years ago. Isn't that incredible? The piano is not a terribly old instrument at all. Not like the flute, versions of which have been found that are forty thousand years old. But then you have to build a piano, & you can carve a flute out of a bone. (They've found those.)

Of course younger still are "keyboards," which are basically synthesizers, which are just a little older than I am. What, do you think, is the youngest musical instrument? & no, you can't count Autotune. Which is younger than most (but not all) of the musicians who use it, but not even out of its teens.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, pianos. I think I admired pianos for a long time before I appreciated them. It might have something to do with Elton John. Not his music so much as the album "Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player." I must've seen that album when I was a kid & the title stuck with me. The piano player is immune from the saloon shoot-out! That seemed cool.

Was I afraid of being shot in a saloon? Who knows? I was just a kid, after all.

We're Not Out Of The Woods Yet!

We're not even in the woods! We're on the path that leads up to the woods! & oh no! That was our last exclamation mark. All we have are a bunch of periods, commas, & semicolons. We need to be extra careful as well - we don't have that many ampersands left either. If someone were to say, "We need to watch out for bears & tigers & hunters & lions & antelope and buffalos and giant cakes of brie, " well, there you go. We used all the ampersands up.

Now we have some of these: ¡¡¡ There are a lot of those, but they're useless without exclamation points, and also without words in Spanish. Or Portuguese maybe? Do they use both the ¡ and the ¿ in Portuguese? Oh, yeah. We got plenty of question marks. The trouble is, people like to answer questions. So it's confusing if I use too many question marks. You know? If we write sentences like this with a question mark, it's weird? You see? We won't do that then? After that one, at least.

By the way, if you've read this this far, you may be wondering why we refer to ourselves as "we" at this moment and not use the first person singlular pronoun. Can you imagine, we're out of those too. (Rats, we should've used a question mark there - Can you imagine? We're out of those too.) So even though it sounds like we're (at best) more than one person writing this or (at worst) we think we're royalty, we can't use the first person singular pronoun because we haven't got any.

Hey. We have an idea. Why not use the upside down exclamation point as the first person singular pronoun? Or would that seem pretentious? ¡ don't think so. ¡ just have to forgo capitalization. which is fine. ¡ was running out of capital letters anyway. but not question marks? no, ¡ have plenty of question marks. Also semicolons; but ¡ already said that.

ah, now ¡ think we're in the woods.

Boy! What A Long Night!

Wanna know what I did last night? It was on the WMUL web site yesterday:

Pretty exciting, eh? Also, pretty exhausting. I'm beat.

I did three hours continuing the indiepop a to z madness I started many moons ago. But I did finish the e's! Hooray for me! Hooray for indiepop!

Indiepop doesn't even notice what I'm doing.

Go! Listen! Now! At selfhelpradio.net!

I'll be here if you need zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 25?

Hey! Aren't you supposed to be sick in bed?

Well, I am sick at my computer. It's much the same as if I were in bed, only less comfy.

But if you're still sick tomorrow you won't be able to do Self Help Radio!

Ha ha, no worries there. I'll do it even if I'm deathly ill.

You just want to infect the kids at WMUL!

Infect them? With what?

With your cold!

Oh, I thought you were thinking of something else?

What?

The plague.

What plague?!?

Exactly.

So you'll do the show whether you're well or not?

I'll be fine to do the show tomorrow.

It's the next installment in your indiepop a to z series?

It is.

Why do you keep doing them?

I started it, I might as well try to finish it.

This would be number 24, yes?

No.

No?

No.

But the last time you did one of these "whither indiepop a to z" posts, it was called Whither Indiepop A To Z # 23!

It was. But I also did a Sugar Substitute after that & continued the indiepop a to z. So you can listen to either Indiepop A To Z # 23 or Indiepop A To Z # 24 if you want, but the new one will be 25.

You think you're so smart.

If I was this smart, would I be talking to myself like this?

I suppose not.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 25: I Have A Cold

Am sick. Won't be able to radio show tonight. Will get better so can do Self Help Radio on Monday. Must go drain sinuses now. Excuse me.

Back In The Quiet

Yes, the Self Help Radio returned safely two days ago to the wilds of West Virginia after a brief sojourn in the New York City area, where it took in a Broadway show & a Daily Show, but mainly ate lots of delicious vegan food in Manhattan & Brooklyn. Oh god can that radio show eat! Even in cold rain!

It also looks like the Self Help Radio escaped a blizzard in the Large Apple... Though the plane from Cincinnati was daringly de-iced & flew the half hour to Huntington through some snowy resistance, there's no snow on the ground here but maybe some flakes floating in the sky.

Are you uncomfortable that the host of Self Help Radio refers to himself as the show? That's kinda weird, right? Is it a desire to anthropomorphize or some weird clingy ego that makes him identify entirely with the show? & what about the whole "writing about himself in the third person" thing? That's weird, right? Who else would be writing this if not him? It's not like he has a staff!

In any event, the Self Help Radio will return to its normal slot on Monday night, the first evening of March. In addition, on the night of the next-to-the-last-day of February, the host of Self Help Radio will be playing three hours of rock & roll on a show he's calling "Saturday Night Rock & Roll" because, frankly, after naming shows like "Self Help Radio" & "Sugar Substitute" & "Dickenbock Electronics," he's really all out of idears.

Also, he has the sniffles. That's not going to sound very good on the radio, is it?

By the way, though this blog post has a lot of questions, & there's a comments function so one could easily attempt to answer them, please don't feel obliged. They're rhetorical & the answers have already come to the Self Help Radio & it's feeling awful about everything.

After vacation, everything returns to normal.

Remember! Today!

If you are like me & never remember when Self Help Radio is on, you should perhaps get (like I did) its time tattoo on the cuticle of your right hand ring finger. Which is painful. Especially since the time slot has changed a lot in the last few months. Also, is it all right if your cuticle has turned a kind of moss green? I need to see a doctor.

Anyway, my rotting finger is telling me that the Self Help Radio is on tonight at midnight, but how can that be? I am in another city in another state entirely. (Just to clarify, though, the other city I am in is also in the other state that I am in, so I am not violating the laws of space & time like Albert Einstein used to do.) I can't get back to do the Self Help Radio tonight! I plan to be selling shoes in Rockefeller Center!

Oh, but I have another method of reminding me of important dates & times. Y'see, I have a laptop computer, & when you close the computer, there's all this space where you can carve notes to yourself. & I see that a youngster named Brian will be doing the Self Help Radio tonight in its normal place (let me check my cuticle) ah! Mondays at midnight on 88.1 fm WMUL in Huntington. Whew! Do you know how fast I'd have to run to get there by midnight? Me either. But I can't run that fast. Not in these heels.

Please listen & I'll return next week. Meanwhile, I have to see if I can sneak into this bed & breakfast to have a shower.

Holy Wow! 800 Blog Posts!

It's true, this is the 800th entry for the Self Help Radio blog. That's more than the number of Self Help Radio shows I've done! & I started this blog after I had been doing the show for several years as well.

My first post was September 12, 2006. I don't know why I started it then - or really what I was going to do with it. I suck at promoting this show. Some might also say I suck at doing the show, but even if it's true, I can't admit that to myself. It's like, I know this dude who does Christian radio & it's all he has, & sometimes he wants to argue with me about my lack of belief, & I know three things about why that's a bad idea: 1) Neither of us can be convinced the other is wrong, or can convince the other of his correctness; 2) It ends up making one or the other or both of us kinda angry & frustrated because, you know, at some level saying what someone "believes" is not right is a little insulting; & 3) Even if I allow myself the egotistic fluffery to imagine I could get him to realize his highly-cherished beliefs are simply sad little lies he tells to himself, it would take away the one thing that both defines him & gives his life a semblance of meaning, & it's not Christianity - it's his radio show. He has so much Christian music, it would be one giant monument to his wasted years if he suddenly found himself bereft of faith. Though I guess there's always eBay.

My point, of course, is that it seems pretty evident that I'm not terribly good at this radio show stuff but what else would I do?

Let me tell you something about this guy: A few years ago, I had to play a character in a dumb video play which was improvised so that faculty at the University of Texas could learn how to edit video for pedagogical purposes. I "played" a groundskeeper at the University (they call the department "Physical Plant") who was a little slow, & they were interviewing my character about something miraculous that had happened, & I delivered a funny line when I was asked, "Do you believe in the supernatural?" I said, "No ma'am, I don't believe in nothin' supernatural. I believe in Jeezus!"

About four weeks ago, the Christian radio guy was trying to talk to me about his faith & I told him I wasn't a Christian. He was puzzled by this (in West Virginia, what else could you be?) so I said, "I don't believe in anything supernatural." "Oh, me neither," he said, "I just believe in God."

Which reminds me of that hilarious Van Morrison line in the song "In The Garden," where he sings, with painful earnestness,

No guru, no method, no teacher,

Just you & I & nature,

& the Father & the Son & the Holy Ghost

In the Garden

But I guess it's nice that Van Morrison doesn't think the Christian god is a guru or teacher, & that none of the things he asks you to do are a method. (I still like the song.)

Where was I? I'm a little sleep deprived & I need to get shit done before I leave for New York tomorrow. There won't be a Self Help Radio this week, or at least not one hosted by me. A nice kid named Brian will host it if you're listening. But I was talking about anniversaries.

Back in September, I calculated when the 100 post anniversaries were. I reproduce part of that here, & add new data:

The 100th post happened on March 7, 2007.
The 200th post happened on August 13, 2007. (158 days later.)
The 300th post happened on January 9, 2008. (149 days after the 200th post.)
The 400th post happened on May 26, 2008. (138 days after the 300th post.) (Also, at this point, Self Help Radio had become a show without a radio station.)
The 500th post happened on October 14, 2008. (141 days after the 400th post.)
The 600th post happened on March 25, 2009. (162 days after the 500th post.)
The 700th post happened on September 23, 2009. (186 days after the 600th post, & my longest interval ever.)
The 800th post has happened now on February 19, 2010. It's been 149 days since then, & that's pretty close to average. Whew! Glad to be back!

I also once tried to give away something for this anniversary, but not enough people read this blog to actually care to get something special from me. Even dear old Mom, who these days just asks for money.

I may check in during the week but please miss me while I'm gone please. I'll be back the week after with Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute. Maybe you'll listen to some old shows while I'm away? Pretty please?

All right. 800 down. Let's get hammered.

Late Reminder Remains Unlit

Ack! I forgot to remind you that this week's Self Help Radio, which was all about mud, & which is as much fun as playing in the mud, & which unfortunately will require you to bathe afterwards, is now available where it always is at selfhelpradio.net. You don't have to enjoy mud to enjoy the show, you know.

Did you know that it snowed in every state in the United States except Hawaii last week?

Also, this week's episode of Dickenbock Electronics is available for listening to too at the Self Help Radio website. If you're into that sort of thing. I like it. That's why I do it.

Did you know physicists are totally fucking with what we know about the universe these days? No, I didn't understand it easier.

Oh, & I did a show on Saturday which for some reason I'm calling "Saturday Night Rock & Roll" which may or may not be a regular thing & it's on the website as well. I know, you can barely stand the sight of me & here's six hours of radio. Just feel lucky it's not more!

Here's Mud In Your Eye!

That's an odd toast, isn't it? I'll mention it on the Self Help Radio show tonight, which is happening at midnight on 88.1 WMUL FM here in Huntington (archived later on the previously linked web site) (oh, I linked it again), but did you know that no one's sure of the phrase's origin, even though it's barely ninety years old? It's true!

The Word Detective hasn't tackled it, alas, so I looked around sites like The Phrase Finder & I found four possible origins.

The most unlikely (in my mind) is the one you'll find in this sermon, which suggests it's connected to the Gospel of John, where literal "mud in the eye" is used to heal. "When he had thus spoken, he spat on the ground, & made clay of the spittle, & he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay, & said unto him, Go, wash in the pool of Siloam. He went his way therefore, & washed, & came seeing" (John 9:6-7, King James Version - modern versions use "mud" instead of "clay"). I doubt this because drinkers, even a century ago, are probably not big Bible readers. But of course I'm not an etymologist, so what the hell do I know?

One person suggested that it comes from horse-racing, where the winning horse will kick mud into the losers behind it. As well, someone posited that it had to do with farmers raising their glasses to the "mud" to wish for fertility in the soil in the planting seasons.

A convoluted origin is that it relates to trench warfare in World War I, which, when a shell landed near you & all you got was mud in your eye, was a lucky thing indeed.

The one I like the best is the one that seems simplest: it may have something to do with the dregs or debris at the bottom of a wine glass - being a whiskey drinker, I wouldn't have thought of that - & if you drink it all down, as you do with a toast, you may get some of the "mud" in your eye.

It doesn't have to mean anything of course. In our time, people will say "here's shit in your eye," which sounds awful.

What won't sound awful is Self Help Radio tonight (well, I can't actually promise that...). Please listen!

Whither Mud?

Ah've been a big ol' fan a mud pert near mah entire life. Hell, ya could say Ah was born on mud. Mud's all what surrounded the broke-down shack where mah momma gave a-birth ta me an my seventeen siblins, all by her lonesome ceptin for the crazy Gypsy midwife what lived deep in the swamp. Mud is what Ah got ta play in for the first eight long years of mah life, an mud is what we buried half mah brothers an sisters in when they couldn't stand ta live round the mud no more. Mud is all Ah got when mah momma died givin birth ta my last brother and daddy took ta drinkin hisself to death. Mud is what Ah worked on steada goin to school for an education an mud is where Ah brought the only woman what ever loved me home ta when the preacher said "Now git."

Of course, none of that is true, & furthermore I am not sure that's even a real accent. It certainly sounds like someone trying to be vaguely Faulknerian while also trying to remember how the Beverly Hillbillies sounded. (Busted!)

I hate mud. I hated it when I was a kid. Among the slightly neurotic dislikes I have is getting stuff like mud caked on my hands. I don't care if it's on my knees or in my hair, but man it's annoying when it's on my hands. Same thing with oils, or lotions, or anything that slightly caky or greasy that in some way affects (I think) my hands' ability to touch things. I'm convinced it's the sensitivity of my hands that makes mud & stuff on them something weird.

One truth supersedes all in this matter: pigs love mud & I love pigs & therefore mud is a good thing.

Preface To Mud: I'll Be On The Radio Tonight!

It's true, I noticed that there wasn't a deejay schedule for Saturday nights from midnight to three am so I asked the Station Manager if he wouldn't mind if I just came on the radio & played some music & I thought "Since the guy who's on from nine to midnight plays nothing but hiphop I'll go ahead & play rock & roll." So it'll be Saturday Night Rock & Roll. Or Sunday Morning Too Damn Loud. Or Weekend Night Who's Making All That Racket. Something like that.

If you're around in Huntington, it's on the fm dial at 88.1 - the call letters are WMUL. I may or may not put the show up at selfhelpradio.net when I'm done, though I'll put up the playlist, 'cause I always do that.

Will I continue doing it after this week? I'd like to, but I'll be out of town next weekend (more about that later) so we'll have to wait & see. Till I decide - or, more likely, a decision is made for me - enjoy the show tonight. If you can.

Into A World Of Snow!

Didya see how much snow dry, arid Dallas got this week? That's awesome! Over twelve inches! I can't find stats online for the Huntington area, but I'm sure we've had more than twelve inches this winter... Just not all at the same time.

Also, the snow in Dallas will probably melt quickly. Here it stays - & hardens - & becomes evil snow which goes by the name "black ice" - & brother I hear that's a killer.

I don't think that's what I wanted to talk about - it's actually kind of important I remember this date.* I have several siblings, most of whom have reproduced, & therefore I am possibly called "uncle" by (let me count) at least eight people (or, at the very least, there are at least eight people to whom I would respond if I were called "uncle"). However, today, through no action of any member of my blood-related family, I became an uncle again. This may sound ridiculous, but unlike other relations by marriage, which are usually designated by the suffixed phrase "in law" (ie, "brother-in-law," "mother-in-law"), you're not called an "uncle-in-law," you're just an uncle. I think I'd prefer being an uncle-in-law just so the kid knows we're not related. & chances are, she'll be pretty amazing, so actually "uncle-in-law" will enable her to distance herself from me when I'm a crazy old coot & she's a world famous something-or-other. "Ignore him," she'll tell her handlers, "he's just my uncle-in-law."

It's actually pretty easy to remember - this is both Abraham Lincoln's & Charles Darwin's birthday. But I have a feeling this little girl won't be intimidated by such luminaries - she'll be fine. Even if the planet's dying. But don't tell her parents that!

Welcome to the world, little Zizu. If I misspelled your name, & you're googling this years later, let me just say that your Ciocia Magda told me that's how it's spelled & you already know she can't spell to save her life - or her career. Happy birthday from your new uncle-in-law!

*At least until this person gets a Facebook account that will remind me it's her birthday.

G-I-R-L-F-R-E-N

One day remind me to tell you about the time I interviewed Jonathan Richman on the radio. He was a total douche to me. I was a little surprised - most every musician - especially the indie type - I had met up until that time was actually quite nice. I think he thought it was fun to be difficult. It didn't affect how much I loved his music - well, maybe the music I heard after the interview, since I was less prone to love it uncritically - but there's really nothing he could do to diminish my love for the first Modern Lovers record & some of that stuff up to & including the 80s. But I have never gone to see him live since then, & he tours a lot.

What else? Oh yeah, last night's Self Help Radio which was about girlfriends went fine. I didn't get into trouble at all with my wife. Whew! As per usual, it's over at selfhelpradio.net for your listening & downloading & getting in trouble with your spouse pleasure.

Here's some extra insight: Matt Groenig's "Life In Hell" cartoon about girlfriends. Wow! It's true nearly thirty years later!

Huzzah! My Second Monday Night Show!

- I think last week's show went all right, didn't you?
- Guess so.
- What, didn't you listen?
- It's on kinda late.
- You were going to stay up late to watch Craig Ferguson anyway.
- I can record that.
- I record my show too! It's up at selfhelpradio.net!
- Yeah, but listening to it after it's already been on, it's like, the moment's lost.
- Wait, what about Craig Ferguson? You tape that show!
- Sure, but it's not live. It's already on tape.
- Hold on. You'd listen to recordings of my shows if they were pre-taped but not if they're recorded live?
- Of course. It's meant to be heard live.
- Do you feel that way about live albums?
- I never thought about it.
- I think you're talking through your ass.
- Hey! No need to get grumpy. I'll listen to your stupid show.
- You will?
- I'll listen to it live, sure.
- That's awesome! Thanks!
- When is it on again?
- Tonight at midnight on 88.1 fm WMUL Huntington.
- All right then.
- I'll record it anyway, just in case.
- Whatever.

Whither Girlfriends On Valentine's Day 2010?

First of all, I am perfectly aware that Valentine's Day is a week away. I have to do the show before Valentine's Day, you know? Otherwise it's just weird. "Yesterday was Valentine's Day & here's the show I would've done..." That would be moronic. Although I can totally see myself doing it. In fact, I may start doing Halloween shows in late November.

Where was I? Oh yeah. See, Valentine's Day is a full six days (or, really, five days & twenty-one hours, but I rounded up) from when the show airs, so while it might seem early, it seriously could only be earlier by maybe a few hours. Otherwise it'd be an entire week away & then I'd just have the show on Valentine's Day. Or would I? Because maybe it'd be midnight on Valentine's Day, & that would be the same as doing it the day after.

Now my head hurts. You want to see the themes I've done in the past for Valentine's Day, just for poops & grins?

VDay 2003: Valentine's Day (generally)
VDay 2004: Love
VDay 2005: Hate
VDay 2006: (cancelled due to burned-down radio station)
VDay 2007: Crushes
VDay 2008: Jealousy
VDay 2009: Boyfriends

"Girlfriends" seemed a natural choice for this year. Who knows what's next?

Don't get ahead of yourself! We've got to survive this Valentine's Day first.

Preface To Valentine's Day 2010: If I Was Your Girlfriend

I'm pretty astonished how short some people are. Like Prince, who wrote the queer tune I won't be playing on this week's show, which I am quoting above. He is five foot two. Which was (some folks say) how tall Napoleon was. & of course there are a lot of similarities between the two, & yes, I am talking about Prince's continuing aggression against Prussians. He won't be happy till he plows through them toward Russia.

Bowie seems shorter than five foot ten, but that's what his official bio says. But official bios can be faked. & I think Bowie has faked his. I don't think he's taller than five six. He's certainly not taller than Bob Dylan, who's about five eight.

All these people I mention are also famously scrawny. Leonard Cohen (whose bio says he's five nine) claimed that, during the writing of "Beautiful Losers," he took so much speed he got down to 85 pounds. Christian Bale, who's about as tall as I am, got down to 121 pounds for The Machinist, & he looked like he simply couldn't lose any more weight. Could Cohen be five nine & get that emaciated? I doubt it.

By the way, the average height of the American male is five eight. The average weight is 189 pounds.

Yes, there will be no Prince on Self Help Radio this week, nor really any time soon. That's what I was going to say because I had to listen to that nonsense song again in case it was better than I remembered. Does anyone know when or if Prince was going to get his adenoids taken care of?

Index

I wanted to get in the habit of writing in this blog five days a week for the new schedule (Self Help Radio was recently moved to Mondays at midnight), which should look something like this:

FRIDAY: Pants are buttoned slowly, for maximum sensual effect.
SATURDAY: Soft music is played as Barry White's ghost nods approvingly in a creepy but sexy way.
SUNDAY: The lights are dimmed & no one's none the wiser.
MONDAY: Slow motion shot of a train entering a tunnel.
TUESDAY: A disapproving look from the landlady as we order out for pizza looking sweaty & disheveled.

Wait. What? That's like some bizarre porn thing with the days of the week attached to it! That's not a schedule at all! However, I have seen that movie, though I confess I've never acted in it.

All right, here's the blog entry schedule:

FRIDAY: Grow worse.
SATURDAY: Die.
SUNDAY: Get buried.
MONDAY: Get born.
TUESDAY: Get christened.

Hold it, hold it. That's just what happens to Solomon Grundy in that poem, only screwed around to "start" on Friday & missing Wednesday & Thursday.

All right. Let's get this right. Here's the schedule:

FRIDAY: In love.
SATURDAY: Wait.
SUNDAY: Comes too late.
MONDAY: Blue.
TUESDAY: Grey.

Ack! Those are the descriptions of the days in the Cure song "Friday I'm In Love"! Which reminds me, one of these days I'm totally going to do a show that has nothing but songs that go through the days of the week.

But that has absolutely nothing to do with how this blog will be organized. Can we get that right now, please?

FRIDAY: Nonsense?
SATURDAY: Preface to this week's coming nonsense.
SUNDAY: Whither this week's coming nonsense?
MONDAY: Listen live to my nonsense!
TUESDAY: Okay, then, listen to my recorded nonsense!

That's about right.

I've Got A New Hat!

That's not true. I got a hat that someone owned before me! I got a nused hat! Or is it a newsed hat? In any event, it's certified pre-owned!

If only it were a fedora. But it's not. It's not a sombrero, either, which wouldn't make sense in West Virginia, especially at their embarrassing "Mexican" restaurants. My god, has no one here ever heard of a jalapeño?

It's luckily not what they call a "gimme" cap. They also call those types of caps "trucker caps" & "feed caps," the latter of which sounds more interesting than "gimme cap." "Feed cap" also sounds like some kind of diet plan, as in "thirty-seven oreos is your feed cap, fatty."

More interesting than my new hat, though, even with the lice, is that this week's episode of Self Help Radio, the theme of which is "twilight," & which has (do I protest too much?) nothing to do with Mormons or vampires or repressed homosexuality or any combination thereof. Babe.

It's over at selfhelpradio.net for your listening glee. Also, this week's episode of Dickenbock Electronics is there as well. Please enjoy.

No, it's not a top hat. Nor a cowboy hat. Keep guessing! I need to shampoo with special medicine now.

Huzzah! My First Monday Night Show!

In case you've not been paying attention, or you were paying attention but no one said anything, or you were paying attention but couldn't give half a solid shit, Self Help Radio was moved from Wednesday mornings at seven-thirty to Monday nights at midnight.

I am excited about it, but there's a nagging voice to my right (my dog Winston) telling me, "Why be so excited? Isn't it a demotion?"

Must everything be promotion or demotion? Isn't there such a thing as a lateral move? Sure there is! There are even articles on the computer with titles like Making A Lateral Career Move: The Pros & Cons. I may not know what a lateral move is, but I can be certain it's neither a demotion nor a promotion so I don't have to question why Self Help Radio was moved & instead go with the flow.

I mean, what could be bad about being on at midnight? Here are two indisputable sets of facts:

At 7:30am, most people weren't awake. At midnight, most people aren't awake.
At 7:30am, the people who are awake are groggy & need coffee. At midnight, the people who are awake are drunk & need coffee.

I could go on, but now I'm thinking I'll need some coffee tonight or maybe I myself won't be listening.

So huzzah! Self Help Radio live in Huntington on 88.1 fm at midnight, archived tomorrow on the line at selfhelpradio.net!