Hey, I'm not the only one. & really, Self Help Radio isn't really work. Have a look at this link: Ten People Who Have To Work On Labor Day.
No, it's not names like Betty, Benny & Bob. It's types of professions, like police, correctional officers, nurses, wastewater treatment plant operators, & air traffic controllers. You know who's not on that list? Convenience store workers. Fast food workers. Community radio station volunteers.
In fact, this article points out something you might not have known about those folks (well, not the radio volunteers - we do it for free):
For millions of workers, Labor Day is another day on the job... The law actually does not require employers to pay any wage premium when they force their employees to work on Labor Day, or any other national holiday. This means that many of the people grilling burgers at fast food restaurants, staffing the checkout counter at convenience stores, or cleaning the bathrooms in hotels, get the same hourly pay when they are forced to work on Labor Day, as they do any other day of the year.
They get no compensation whatsoever for being separated from their friends and family on a national holiday. According to data from the Labor Department, 25.5 million workers do not get any paid holiday time, meaning that they either get the holidays off without pay, or they are forced to work at their regular wage. Similarly, 22.2 million workers have no paid vacation at their job.
Some places do offer time & a half as an incentive for folks to work on Labor Day. WRFL, for example, gives me my regular hourly wage, which is nothing, plus two times that, & a pat on the back. But I have worked at shitty jobs - like in a video store & a gas station - & they paid me time & a half on holidays.
Not that they were nice guys - they simply knew no one would work if they didn't. But in those situations, I was just a kid who didn't really need the job. What if I did?
You should ask, if you visit a convenience store or a fast food jernt on Labor Day, if the folks are getting time & a half. Especially if you get the day off.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Friday, September 02, 2011
The Sickliest
There might be some irony in the fact that I did a Self Help Radio about sickness & then, a week later, caught a cold (*). While that is certainly some powerful cause & effect, it might also be that thousands of students from all over converged on Lexington & some of them brought viruses & germs with them from god-knows-where, & a small but significant portion of them came to the radio station & talked on the same microphone that I used on that Monday morning a week ago. In any event, I am fortunate I could take the time this week to goof out on Sudafed & make my mouth sticky with cough drops. I am feeling a little better today.
I can't remember the last time I had a cold, but I also don't remember sickness well. I remember getting a cold in Huntington over a year ago, because I just went to bed at that time until it went away. It also came right after a radio show, but it was at the end of the semester, not the beginning. It was a harder cold than this one, but I knew the proper treatment: take medication to make me sleep & wait until it went away. Anyway, I thought I'd use this blog as a place to mark when I get sick so I could see if I am declining in my old age.
So. I caught a cold August 30, 2011. I did not die.
I did manage to make dinner for my lovely wife last night - it was chili, it was awesome - but because of my sinuses laying on my face like an iron skillet, I couldn't taste anything. I did appreciate the texture & my tongue reported it was spicy. But that's all.
How did I know it was awesome? My wife told me so.
What, more Sudafed? If you insist. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
(*) I am thinking of doing a Self Help Radio about winning the lottery to test my radio show's power.
I can't remember the last time I had a cold, but I also don't remember sickness well. I remember getting a cold in Huntington over a year ago, because I just went to bed at that time until it went away. It also came right after a radio show, but it was at the end of the semester, not the beginning. It was a harder cold than this one, but I knew the proper treatment: take medication to make me sleep & wait until it went away. Anyway, I thought I'd use this blog as a place to mark when I get sick so I could see if I am declining in my old age.
So. I caught a cold August 30, 2011. I did not die.
I did manage to make dinner for my lovely wife last night - it was chili, it was awesome - but because of my sinuses laying on my face like an iron skillet, I couldn't taste anything. I did appreciate the texture & my tongue reported it was spicy. But that's all.
How did I know it was awesome? My wife told me so.
What, more Sudafed? If you insist. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
(*) I am thinking of doing a Self Help Radio about winning the lottery to test my radio show's power.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Ten
The A Joke A Day folks continued their incredible losing streak this week with more sexist jokes about wives loathing their husbands, with motorists trying to fool cops, with boring proto-Dilbert office-work-sucks style jokes, with "hilarious" children (they say the fuckiest things!), & with jokes written by comedians new to the planet. But this one struck me as peculiar, & although it is part of the A Joke A Day system, it feels more like it's supposed to be true, doesn't it?
Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Needless to say, there's nothing true about this, & it appears to have actually started out as a joke, but made its way, through retelling online, into "urban legend" status. As the page at snopes.com explains:
As to whether there could be any truth to the legend's premise, insurance policies are generally written so that deliberate actions on the part of the policyholders cannot trigger payouts. Furthermore, destroying your own property isn't arson, as long as the act isn't intended to defraud anyone. If a court had already ruled that the insurance company was required to pay, then obviously no fraud was committed, and thus the burning could not be considered arson.
Not so funny now, eh, Mr. A Joke A Day?
As a bonus, I give you this week's Non-Joke. Oh, it looks like a joke. It even has a certain rhythm like a joke. But is it a joke? No! It's A Joke A Day!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Needless to say, there's nothing true about this, & it appears to have actually started out as a joke, but made its way, through retelling online, into "urban legend" status. As the page at snopes.com explains:
As to whether there could be any truth to the legend's premise, insurance policies are generally written so that deliberate actions on the part of the policyholders cannot trigger payouts. Furthermore, destroying your own property isn't arson, as long as the act isn't intended to defraud anyone. If a court had already ruled that the insurance company was required to pay, then obviously no fraud was committed, and thus the burning could not be considered arson.
Not so funny now, eh, Mr. A Joke A Day?
As a bonus, I give you this week's Non-Joke. Oh, it looks like a joke. It even has a certain rhythm like a joke. But is it a joke? No! It's A Joke A Day!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
Monday, August 29, 2011
More Indiepop! For You!
As you know, a long time ago, thinking I might live forever, I came up with the notion, thanks to the folks who maintain the band pages at TweeNet, that I could make a few nice radio shows playing indiepop bands from a to z. I decided to include bands they didn't, & also, just to make it interesting, some bands who I thought influenced indiepop in some way. Now, thirty-three episodes later, I am still on the letter G, & will die (I know it) before I get to the letter S.
Ah well. I think it's a lot of fun to research & try to be as complete as possible, & I hope it's fun to listen to. To get as much done as possible, I hijacked the freeform show that precedes Self Help Radio (which I also do), called Sugar Substitute, so I could play three hours of indiepop today, from Gentle Tuesday to the Gol Gappas. It's a lot of fun music.
The show is therefore in FOUR parts instead of two, since it's two shows divided in two. The entire show is at Self Help Radio dot net, of course, but the individual links are as follows:
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part II
What's in each section is below. Remember, the previous editions of Indiepop A To Z can be found on the Self Help Radio Archive page. In case you want to check my alphabetization skills.
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part I
"I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In My Life" Gentle Tuesday _I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In All My Life 7"_
"Weathershow" The Gentle Waves _The Green Fields Of Foreverland_
"Fluid" The Gerbils _Are You Sleepy?_
"Color Vibration" The German Measles _A German Joke Is No Laughing Matter_
"Geek The Girl" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"I Like It" Gerry & The Pacemakers _The British Invasion: A History Of British Rock_
"Isolated" Ghost Society _The Back Of His Hands, Then The Palms_
"Painting By Numbers" The Gifted Children _Painting By Numbers 7"_
"Favourite Song" Gigantaur _LemonLime Volume 1_
"Alone At The Pier (with Rose Melberg)" Gigi _Maintenant_
"Renaissance Girl" Gilroy _Renaissance Girl_
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part II
"Goldfish" Ginger Bottles _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 6_
"Frances & The Dancing Fairies" Girl Alliance _Summer In Berlin_
"The Soundtrack Of Your Life" A Girl Called Eddy _Tears All Over Town_
"Warm Around You" Girl Of My Best Friend _Warm Around You 7"_
"Circus" Girl Of The World _Wonderboy_
"Please Wait While We Try To Connect You" Girlboy Girl _Fresco_
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo _So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Lust For Life" Girls _Album_
"Never Enough" The Girls At Dawn _Never Enough_
"Getting Nowhere Fast" Girls At Our Best! _Pleasure_
"When You Cry" Girls Names _Dead To Me_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part I
"Ride My Star" The Girl With The Replaceable Head _Ride My Star EP_
"This Is Love" The Gist _This Is Love_
"It's Raining All Of The Time" The Git Shields _A Chance To Shine_
"Today... Please" Glaring Surge _Just For A Day_
"Paper Airplanes" The Glasses _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation_
"No Reason" The Glee Club _Mine_
"Stars Above" Glo-Worm _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"New York Boy" Gloss _New York Boy_
"Punish Me With Kisses" The Glove _Blue Sunshine_
"Streets Of Your Town" The Go-Betweens _16 Lovers Lane_
"Go Between's Gig" Go Go Charlton _Beaucoup Schlager_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part II
"Vacation" Go-Go's _Vacation_
"Flight Of Angels" Go Hole _Flight Of Angels_
"Listening To Marmalade" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Charts_
"I'm Still Crying" Go Sailor _Go Sailor_
"Real Life" Go! Service _It Makes Me Realise EP_
"Your Back Yard" Go Team Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Funny Little Frog" God Help The Girl _God Help The Girl_
"We'll Keep Our Chains" Vic Godard _Long Term Side-Effect_
"Your Future" Godzuki _Your Future_
"Copycat" Going Stagg _Ocean Park Paradox! U.S. Pop Life Vol. 6: California_
"St. Lucy" Gol Gappas _Bellissimo! él Records The Singles_
Ah well. I think it's a lot of fun to research & try to be as complete as possible, & I hope it's fun to listen to. To get as much done as possible, I hijacked the freeform show that precedes Self Help Radio (which I also do), called Sugar Substitute, so I could play three hours of indiepop today, from Gentle Tuesday to the Gol Gappas. It's a lot of fun music.
The show is therefore in FOUR parts instead of two, since it's two shows divided in two. The entire show is at Self Help Radio dot net, of course, but the individual links are as follows:
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part II
What's in each section is below. Remember, the previous editions of Indiepop A To Z can be found on the Self Help Radio Archive page. In case you want to check my alphabetization skills.
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part I
"I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In My Life" Gentle Tuesday _I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In All My Life 7"_
"Weathershow" The Gentle Waves _The Green Fields Of Foreverland_
"Fluid" The Gerbils _Are You Sleepy?_
"Color Vibration" The German Measles _A German Joke Is No Laughing Matter_
"Geek The Girl" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"I Like It" Gerry & The Pacemakers _The British Invasion: A History Of British Rock_
"Isolated" Ghost Society _The Back Of His Hands, Then The Palms_
"Painting By Numbers" The Gifted Children _Painting By Numbers 7"_
"Favourite Song" Gigantaur _LemonLime Volume 1_
"Alone At The Pier (with Rose Melberg)" Gigi _Maintenant_
"Renaissance Girl" Gilroy _Renaissance Girl_
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part II
"Goldfish" Ginger Bottles _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 6_
"Frances & The Dancing Fairies" Girl Alliance _Summer In Berlin_
"The Soundtrack Of Your Life" A Girl Called Eddy _Tears All Over Town_
"Warm Around You" Girl Of My Best Friend _Warm Around You 7"_
"Circus" Girl Of The World _Wonderboy_
"Please Wait While We Try To Connect You" Girlboy Girl _Fresco_
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo _So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Lust For Life" Girls _Album_
"Never Enough" The Girls At Dawn _Never Enough_
"Getting Nowhere Fast" Girls At Our Best! _Pleasure_
"When You Cry" Girls Names _Dead To Me_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part I
"Ride My Star" The Girl With The Replaceable Head _Ride My Star EP_
"This Is Love" The Gist _This Is Love_
"It's Raining All Of The Time" The Git Shields _A Chance To Shine_
"Today... Please" Glaring Surge _Just For A Day_
"Paper Airplanes" The Glasses _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation_
"No Reason" The Glee Club _Mine_
"Stars Above" Glo-Worm _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"New York Boy" Gloss _New York Boy_
"Punish Me With Kisses" The Glove _Blue Sunshine_
"Streets Of Your Town" The Go-Betweens _16 Lovers Lane_
"Go Between's Gig" Go Go Charlton _Beaucoup Schlager_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part II
"Vacation" Go-Go's _Vacation_
"Flight Of Angels" Go Hole _Flight Of Angels_
"Listening To Marmalade" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Charts_
"I'm Still Crying" Go Sailor _Go Sailor_
"Real Life" Go! Service _It Makes Me Realise EP_
"Your Back Yard" Go Team Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Funny Little Frog" God Help The Girl _God Help The Girl_
"We'll Keep Our Chains" Vic Godard _Long Term Side-Effect_
"Your Future" Godzuki _Your Future_
"Copycat" Going Stagg _Ocean Park Paradox! U.S. Pop Life Vol. 6: California_
"St. Lucy" Gol Gappas _Bellissimo! él Records The Singles_
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 32?
Actually, it'll be Indiepop A To Z #s 32 & 33. I'm hijacking Sugar Substitute for just such an occasion.
Um, I might as well keep going, right? All those indiepop bands who've been waiting for me to get to them - their name starts with J, or N, or V. How can I stop now?
I'm still in the Gs. I'll still be in the Gs at the end of three hours. I may be in the "golds." But who knows? Not me.
You should listen. It's from 6 to 9am tomorrow morning (that's Monday) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl.fm in anywhere else. You can listen to previous episodes (Indiepop A To Gentle D) in the Self Help Radio Archive.
I promise not to talk about Happy Days anymore.
Um, I might as well keep going, right? All those indiepop bands who've been waiting for me to get to them - their name starts with J, or N, or V. How can I stop now?
I'm still in the Gs. I'll still be in the Gs at the end of three hours. I may be in the "golds." But who knows? Not me.
You should listen. It's from 6 to 9am tomorrow morning (that's Monday) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl.fm in anywhere else. You can listen to previous episodes (Indiepop A To Gentle D) in the Self Help Radio Archive.
I promise not to talk about Happy Days anymore.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 32: Nothing At All About Indiepop
I will be continuing the Indiepop A To Z series this Monday morning - it'll be a special three-hour episode, encompassing both Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute - but tonight from midnight to three am on WRFL Lexington (that's 88.1 on your fm dial in the city of Lexington & the surrounding horse farms) I'll be playing electronica like I used to do when I did Dickenbock Electronics. I miss that show. Oh well.
Tune in! You can listen everywhere & nowhere at all on the WRFL web site. You can listen to any show on WRFL there. It's pretty awesome.
I must go nap now. It'll be a long night.
Tune in! You can listen everywhere & nowhere at all on the WRFL web site. You can listen to any show on WRFL there. It's pretty awesome.
I must go nap now. It'll be a long night.
Friday, August 26, 2011
I'm Going To Frankfort!
That's right! Tomorrow I will spend what I hope are not very many hours in lovely Frankfort, Kentucky, capital of the Commonwealth. I will be putting up posters in what I hope are friendly shop windows for WRFL's upcoming music festival called Boomslang. I hope I don't get shot!
If your destination is Frankfort, then you should visit the Visit Frankfort web site! For example, did you know that "West Frankfort has more of the family - sit down style restaurants where the whole family can find somet and much more to satisfy any craving."
(Is this strange & wonderful sounding "somet" a Kentucky delicacy? I can't wait to find out!)
What are some of these "sit down style restaurants" on the west side of Frankfort? They have exotic names like "Applebee's" & "Arby's" & "Burger King" & "Chili's" & "Sonic." I'm pretty excited about that!
Oh, the things I do for the radio station I love. Do you want me to send you a picture of me by the capitol rotunda?
(By the way, I've already been to Frankfurt, Germany, where my mother was born. I'm sure Frankfort is just as exciting.)
If your destination is Frankfort, then you should visit the Visit Frankfort web site! For example, did you know that "West Frankfort has more of the family - sit down style restaurants where the whole family can find somet and much more to satisfy any craving."
(Is this strange & wonderful sounding "somet" a Kentucky delicacy? I can't wait to find out!)
What are some of these "sit down style restaurants" on the west side of Frankfort? They have exotic names like "Applebee's" & "Arby's" & "Burger King" & "Chili's" & "Sonic." I'm pretty excited about that!
Oh, the things I do for the radio station I love. Do you want me to send you a picture of me by the capitol rotunda?
(By the way, I've already been to Frankfurt, Germany, where my mother was born. I'm sure Frankfort is just as exciting.)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Nine
It was the week of the weak A Joke A Day joke. I mean, for a mostly worthless daily dose of unfunny, you seriously can't beat the folks at A Joke A Day. But this week it was like they asked a group of groggy seven-year-olds to come up with the jokes. For example:
A duck walked into a bakery one day & asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back & asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The following day the duck returned & asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." & the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
If I honestly thought someone honestly thought it was funny, I might appreciate it. But it's really the sort of joke my friends & I would try to invent when we were in elementary school.
I mean, it's the sort of joke that you have to laugh after you've told it to cue everyone in on the fact that you've just told a joke.
The A Joke A Day people should find a way to incorporate a laugh track.
Bonus unfunny below!
A man goes to an optician asking for help about his shortsightedness.
The optician invites the man to go outside the shop, points to the sun & asks the man what that is. The man somewhat stunned replies obviously: that’s the sun! Thereafter the optician asks: but how far do you want to see?
Thereafter?
A duck walked into a bakery one day & asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back & asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The following day the duck returned & asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." & the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
If I honestly thought someone honestly thought it was funny, I might appreciate it. But it's really the sort of joke my friends & I would try to invent when we were in elementary school.
I mean, it's the sort of joke that you have to laugh after you've told it to cue everyone in on the fact that you've just told a joke.
The A Joke A Day people should find a way to incorporate a laugh track.
Bonus unfunny below!
A man goes to an optician asking for help about his shortsightedness.
The optician invites the man to go outside the shop, points to the sun & asks the man what that is. The man somewhat stunned replies obviously: that’s the sun! Thereafter the optician asks: but how far do you want to see?
Thereafter?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sick Help Radio
Self Help Radio apologizes to anyone who tuned in to today's show, which was about sickness, & got sick. You must have been a first-time listener. Those who have listened to the show before are well aware that it can cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, the sweats, itchiness, swelling, cracking, vague unease, stinkiness, changes in eye color, & opprobrium. & that's true with most any Self Help Radio show, not just today's episode about sickness.
The show today is not available in the pharmacy section of your local supermarket (nor your grocer's freezer), but instead is stocked on the shelves of self help radio dot net. It comes as a two-pack: the first half of the show is in this container & the second half is in this container. The contents of each half are listed below.
I don't imagine it would be safe to operate heavy machinery while listening to Self Help Radio but upon further consideration I don't think it would be unsafe, either. The heavy machinery may drown out the show!
(part one)
"Sick" Beatnik Filmstars _Laid Back & English_
"Sick" Boss Hogg _Boss Hogg_
"Dust Pneumonia Blues" Woody Guthrie _Some Folk_
"T.B. Blues" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"High Fever Blues" Bukka White _The Complete Bukka White_
"Sickbed Blues" Skip James _Blues From The Delta_
"Cold Turkey" John Lennon _The Collection_
"Chills & Fever" Ronnie Love _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Rocking Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu" Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns _Having A Good Time With Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns_
"I'm Sick Y'all" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
(part two)
"The Flu & Nyquil" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Sick, Sober & Sorry" Johnny Bond _Johnny Bond's Best_
"Malaria" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_
"Stomach Flu" Todd Barry _Falling Off The Bone_
"Cancer Of Everything" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"In The Sanitorium" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Still Ill" Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_
"Touch Me I'm Sick" Mudhoney _March To Fuzz_
"So Sick" Unrest _Perfect Teeth_
"Robitusson" Chris Rock _Bigger & Blacker_
"The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn" The Pogues _Rum Sodomy & The Lash_
"I'm A Living Sickness" Calico Wall _Trash Box: Wild Psychotic Garage Punk!!!_
The show today is not available in the pharmacy section of your local supermarket (nor your grocer's freezer), but instead is stocked on the shelves of self help radio dot net. It comes as a two-pack: the first half of the show is in this container & the second half is in this container. The contents of each half are listed below.
I don't imagine it would be safe to operate heavy machinery while listening to Self Help Radio but upon further consideration I don't think it would be unsafe, either. The heavy machinery may drown out the show!
(part one)
"Sick" Beatnik Filmstars _Laid Back & English_
"Sick" Boss Hogg _Boss Hogg_
"Dust Pneumonia Blues" Woody Guthrie _Some Folk_
"T.B. Blues" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"High Fever Blues" Bukka White _The Complete Bukka White_
"Sickbed Blues" Skip James _Blues From The Delta_
"Cold Turkey" John Lennon _The Collection_
"Chills & Fever" Ronnie Love _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Rocking Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu" Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns _Having A Good Time With Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns_
"I'm Sick Y'all" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
(part two)
"The Flu & Nyquil" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Sick, Sober & Sorry" Johnny Bond _Johnny Bond's Best_
"Malaria" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_
"Stomach Flu" Todd Barry _Falling Off The Bone_
"Cancer Of Everything" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"In The Sanitorium" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Still Ill" Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_
"Touch Me I'm Sick" Mudhoney _March To Fuzz_
"So Sick" Unrest _Perfect Teeth_
"Robitusson" Chris Rock _Bigger & Blacker_
"The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn" The Pogues _Rum Sodomy & The Lash_
"I'm A Living Sickness" Calico Wall _Trash Box: Wild Psychotic Garage Punk!!!_
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Whither Sickness?
I am not a sickly person, though I am not entirely a healthy person. My family seems about as medicated (if not more) as the average American, which is a damning statement. I take vitamins & iron to make sure my vegan lifestyle doesn't do me harm, & I take medication for what I am told is a genetic predisposition toward high blood pressure. I can't recall the last time I was really sick.
The wife tells me the last time I had a really bad cold was over a year ago, in the winter, in West Virginia. I seem to remember getting colds all the time in the summers in Texas, where I would constantly travel from 68 degrees indoors to 100+ temperatures outdoors, & back, all day long. I also remember having fewer colds when I was a smoker. But my memory is hazy, getting hazier over time. My brain rewrites constantly.
A show about sickness ought not be a celebration of sickness. We are a very sick world. This week's "Louie" had a riff about how American children eat candy-flavored medicine. I wish I had the ability Louis CK had to put things into perspective in that way. I guess I try. I know I don't do so well.
I'm almost afraid to invite you to the show, but, well, here we go: Self Help Radio's show about sickness will air tomorrow morning (Monday the 22nd) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm everywhere there's a world wide web. Later I will hang the finished product out to dry at self help radio dot net.
I did think it'd be funny if I got sick before the show & had to reschedule. But. That didn't happen.
The wife tells me the last time I had a really bad cold was over a year ago, in the winter, in West Virginia. I seem to remember getting colds all the time in the summers in Texas, where I would constantly travel from 68 degrees indoors to 100+ temperatures outdoors, & back, all day long. I also remember having fewer colds when I was a smoker. But my memory is hazy, getting hazier over time. My brain rewrites constantly.
A show about sickness ought not be a celebration of sickness. We are a very sick world. This week's "Louie" had a riff about how American children eat candy-flavored medicine. I wish I had the ability Louis CK had to put things into perspective in that way. I guess I try. I know I don't do so well.
I'm almost afraid to invite you to the show, but, well, here we go: Self Help Radio's show about sickness will air tomorrow morning (Monday the 22nd) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm everywhere there's a world wide web. Later I will hang the finished product out to dry at self help radio dot net.
I did think it'd be funny if I got sick before the show & had to reschedule. But. That didn't happen.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Preface To Sickness: Are You Okay?
I have been looking over this slideshow of US Health Statistics 2010. The actual report is right here. It's a kind of lurid fun read. Americans seem to get less healthy the more their country falls apart around them. I highly recommend a glance at the "at a glance" pdf. It includes wonderful poetic sentences like "The proportion of American adults 20 years of age & over who were obese rose in the 1980s & 1990s. In 2007–2008, about one-third of adults were obese & about two-thirds were overweight or obese." It also has awesome graphs that will make you hungry to look at like these:
I just ate dinner & I feel like I'm starving. What a good American I am!
I just ate dinner & I feel like I'm starving. What a good American I am!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Don't Make Fun Of Online Gaming, Not In My Presence, Mister Ma'am
Once upon a time
There was a lonely haiku
Who died of neglect
There's a group of poets out there - they know who they are - who think they can call a poem by a defined term - like haiku, or sonnet, or villanelle - even if they're not following the rules. They think they're awful cool.
If they were really cool, they'd write (or one of them would write, proving that she or he was cooler than the rest of them) a book of poems of all the different kinds of poetry. There's probably more than what's on that list as well. Some really obscure shit. Yeah!
The reason that they don't, of course, is the same reason that they write a poem that looks like this:
Gentle evening rain in air
Washed the weary sun setting clean
Like a washed face over a basin
Getting ready to sleep
& call it a haiku - it's because they're lazy.
Lazy can be revolutionary, though. So perhaps they're cool after all.
There was a lonely haiku
Who died of neglect
There's a group of poets out there - they know who they are - who think they can call a poem by a defined term - like haiku, or sonnet, or villanelle - even if they're not following the rules. They think they're awful cool.
If they were really cool, they'd write (or one of them would write, proving that she or he was cooler than the rest of them) a book of poems of all the different kinds of poetry. There's probably more than what's on that list as well. Some really obscure shit. Yeah!
The reason that they don't, of course, is the same reason that they write a poem that looks like this:
Gentle evening rain in air
Washed the weary sun setting clean
Like a washed face over a basin
Getting ready to sleep
& call it a haiku - it's because they're lazy.
Lazy can be revolutionary, though. So perhaps they're cool after all.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Eight
The difference between a bad joke & a good joke is not something I - & I am not a comedian - or even, some would doubtless say, very funny - it's not something I feel qualified or equipped to discuss. I only focus on this A Joke A Day series because they're just so horribly unfunny that the most easily tickled must scratch their heads in befuddlement just trying to grasp these shabby attempts at humor.
But if, let's say, the difference between how good a joke is received is in the telling, the fine lackadaisical editors (let's assume they exist) must appreciate that the success or failure of their A Joke A Day jokes would benefit from their presentation. As I've mentioned before, there is no evidence - none whatsoever - that there is even the most rudimentary attempt at a basic rewrite of submitted jokes. Someone - possibly even an automated computer program, which looks for keywords like racial epithets & profanity - glosses over them, makes sure they look a little like a joke, safely sanitized, & then rubber-stamp them.
Or else how explain Saturday's A Joke A Day? I reprint it exactly as I received it:
Steve lived in Stated Island, NY and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferry home every night. One evening, he got sown to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so Steve decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was felling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Steve. Afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. “How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud Steve to a deck hand. “It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
I'm not sure if the joke is funny or not. I couldn't get past the glaring spelling mistakes & the weird one-word sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph.
Don't the A Joke A Day people know there are recently-graduated English majors out there who would gladly take a shitty job for little pay with their company? That they could easily edit a joke like this?
Astounding.
But if, let's say, the difference between how good a joke is received is in the telling, the fine lackadaisical editors (let's assume they exist) must appreciate that the success or failure of their A Joke A Day jokes would benefit from their presentation. As I've mentioned before, there is no evidence - none whatsoever - that there is even the most rudimentary attempt at a basic rewrite of submitted jokes. Someone - possibly even an automated computer program, which looks for keywords like racial epithets & profanity - glosses over them, makes sure they look a little like a joke, safely sanitized, & then rubber-stamp them.
Or else how explain Saturday's A Joke A Day? I reprint it exactly as I received it:
Steve lived in Stated Island, NY and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferry home every night. One evening, he got sown to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so Steve decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was felling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Steve. Afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. “How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud Steve to a deck hand. “It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
I'm not sure if the joke is funny or not. I couldn't get past the glaring spelling mistakes & the weird one-word sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph.
Don't the A Joke A Day people know there are recently-graduated English majors out there who would gladly take a shitty job for little pay with their company? That they could easily edit a joke like this?
Astounding.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Confusion Is Not Sexy
You know what's confusing? Doing a radio show about confusion & then returning home to put most everything you own into boxes that very same say & then, even later, watching strong men - men you've paid - put them in a giant truck & take them somewhere else.
Also, waking up the next day in a different place than where you previously woke up, & finding those selfsame boxes you packed before suddenly filled with tapioca pudding & grief. Then the yellowjackets attack!
That's pretty confusing. Self Help Radio this week confused itself, too. You can join in on the perplexity if you're so inclined. The show is available now at self help radio dot net. So as not to confuse you further, I've broken the show into two parts. Though still confusing, the parts do have certain songs played during their duration - I've listed those below. Click here: part one &/or part two. Part three is only available in outer space.
(part one)
"Confusion" Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry _Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry Sing_
"Confused" Paul Gayten _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Confused" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"My Confusion" The Elite _Fort Worth Teen Scene Vol. 2_
"Confusion" Randy & The Rest _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6: Come On In To My World_
"A Whole Lot Of Confusion" The Ethics _Trip In Tyme, Volume 2_
"Confusion All Day" The Petards _Electrick Loosers # 3 (The Rheingold Rampage 1964-1970)_
"Confusion" Thee Mighty Caesars _Surely They Were The Sons Of God_
"State Of Confusion" The Kinks _State Of Confusion_
"Confusion" Lee Dorsey _People Sure Act Funny_
"Ball Of Confusion" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"Confusion" Chocolate Milk _Action Speaks Louder Than Words_
(part two)
"World Of Confusion" Sylvan White _Africans Unite_
"Confusion" New Order _Substance_
"Get Confused" Fischerspooner _Odyssey_
"People, You Can Confuse" Adult. _Anxiety Always_
"Dazed & Confused" Sofia _Search & Destroy_
"Confusion Fog" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"Confusion" Silver Apples _Contact_
"Confusion" Sparks _Big Beat_
"I'm So Confused" Jonathan Richman _I'm So Confused_
Also, waking up the next day in a different place than where you previously woke up, & finding those selfsame boxes you packed before suddenly filled with tapioca pudding & grief. Then the yellowjackets attack!
That's pretty confusing. Self Help Radio this week confused itself, too. You can join in on the perplexity if you're so inclined. The show is available now at self help radio dot net. So as not to confuse you further, I've broken the show into two parts. Though still confusing, the parts do have certain songs played during their duration - I've listed those below. Click here: part one &/or part two. Part three is only available in outer space.
(part one)
"Confusion" Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry _Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry Sing_
"Confused" Paul Gayten _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Confused" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"My Confusion" The Elite _Fort Worth Teen Scene Vol. 2_
"Confusion" Randy & The Rest _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6: Come On In To My World_
"A Whole Lot Of Confusion" The Ethics _Trip In Tyme, Volume 2_
"Confusion All Day" The Petards _Electrick Loosers # 3 (The Rheingold Rampage 1964-1970)_
"Confusion" Thee Mighty Caesars _Surely They Were The Sons Of God_
"State Of Confusion" The Kinks _State Of Confusion_
"Confusion" Lee Dorsey _People Sure Act Funny_
"Ball Of Confusion" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"Confusion" Chocolate Milk _Action Speaks Louder Than Words_
(part two)
"World Of Confusion" Sylvan White _Africans Unite_
"Confusion" New Order _Substance_
"Get Confused" Fischerspooner _Odyssey_
"People, You Can Confuse" Adult. _Anxiety Always_
"Dazed & Confused" Sofia _Search & Destroy_
"Confusion Fog" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"Confusion" Silver Apples _Contact_
"Confusion" Sparks _Big Beat_
"I'm So Confused" Jonathan Richman _I'm So Confused_
Monday, August 15, 2011
Moved into a new house today
Had a wonderful show this morning.
Will post it tomorrow.
Maybe it will prove me wrong.
Apologies but I got to see most everything I own taken from one place to another.
In boxes.
I do enjoy writing as though I am writing on postcards.
Man am I tired.
Tomorrow then.
Tomorrow.
Will post it tomorrow.
Maybe it will prove me wrong.
Apologies but I got to see most everything I own taken from one place to another.
In boxes.
I do enjoy writing as though I am writing on postcards.
Man am I tired.
Tomorrow then.
Tomorrow.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Whither Confusion?
You know what's confusing? Spending a day packing because after your Monday Morning radio show you're moving into a brand new house!
Well, not brand new. New to you, though!
That's a lot of confusion. You forget to write in your blog & everything!
Also, you use a lot of exclamation points. When you're confused.
You're not too confused to mention that Monday morning at 7:30 sharpish you'll be on the radio doing your Self Help Radio show about confusion, though. That's at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & online at WRFL dot fm.
You hope the day's not so confusing you can't put it online later at self help radio dot net. But you can't make any promises either.
Wait. Who are you? What am I saying? I'm so confused.
Well, not brand new. New to you, though!
That's a lot of confusion. You forget to write in your blog & everything!
Also, you use a lot of exclamation points. When you're confused.
You're not too confused to mention that Monday morning at 7:30 sharpish you'll be on the radio doing your Self Help Radio show about confusion, though. That's at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & online at WRFL dot fm.
You hope the day's not so confusing you can't put it online later at self help radio dot net. But you can't make any promises either.
Wait. Who are you? What am I saying? I'm so confused.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Preface To Confusion: Humid Pub Diagram
Humid Pub Diagram is a natural science presentation prepared by the children of P.S. 4 To The 8th Power from downtown You-Know-Where. While we the undersigned understand that children should not be allowed in any drinking establishment, we did make sure they had no fake IDs and shook each other's hands for a job well done.
Most of the children, it should be noted, had no concept of "death" & only a limited concept of "forever." This is why the choice of magic markers is so important to today's "education" crowd. But the children got lost in the sad, milling crowd of laid-off teachers and we feared for their - & our - safety.
There were too many butterflies & not enough nets, which (it turns out) suited the butterflies fine. Most of the children has enough sense not to stick the fluttering insects in their mouths. Oh, but not Charles! Charles was exhibiting the same traits that serial killers do in television shows. Oh that Charles!
The judges were on loan from different organizations - half from the Miss Sarasota Beauty Pageant, half from the National Science Foundation. While they found the children adorable, it is not hyperbole to say that their poster presentations were shabby, amateurish, and often utterly illegible. Two judges quit in protest!
As the survey ceased & the parents were released from lock-up, two patterns quickly emerged. The first suggested that alcoholic children managed to be only slightly more delightful than alcoholic adults. The second showed with some certainty that humid pubs are never desirable, not even in the driest of climates.
Most of the children, it should be noted, had no concept of "death" & only a limited concept of "forever." This is why the choice of magic markers is so important to today's "education" crowd. But the children got lost in the sad, milling crowd of laid-off teachers and we feared for their - & our - safety.
There were too many butterflies & not enough nets, which (it turns out) suited the butterflies fine. Most of the children has enough sense not to stick the fluttering insects in their mouths. Oh, but not Charles! Charles was exhibiting the same traits that serial killers do in television shows. Oh that Charles!
The judges were on loan from different organizations - half from the Miss Sarasota Beauty Pageant, half from the National Science Foundation. While they found the children adorable, it is not hyperbole to say that their poster presentations were shabby, amateurish, and often utterly illegible. Two judges quit in protest!
As the survey ceased & the parents were released from lock-up, two patterns quickly emerged. The first suggested that alcoholic children managed to be only slightly more delightful than alcoholic adults. The second showed with some certainty that humid pubs are never desirable, not even in the driest of climates.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Guru
Have I talked about Sam Harris before? I think the guy's amazing. Here he is answering questions in the second installment of the series "Ask Sam Harris Anything." I don't know what I'd ask him. Actually I do. But I won't ask it here.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Seven
I confess I didn't read many of the A Joke A Day jokes this week. I may be experiencing a kind of burnout. A couple of them were a little longish, so I just pasted them into a file to access them when I wrote about them, & read maybe the first couple of lines. Half of them were short riddles or one-liners, about as funny as you'd expect. One of them was one of those lists that begins "You know you're a fill-in-the-blank when..." that appears to have been recycled from 1995. But here's one of the long ones I didn't read; enjoy it for the first time with me, will you?
An Accident Report
I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope…
Is that a joke, or is someone reporting the blow-by-blow of a slapstick scene from a silent movie? How odd.
I felt quite guilty having wasted you time with that strangely detailed attempt at some kind of humor, so I will make matters worse by reprinting yesterday's A Joke A Day, which is shorter, but which I also didn't read. You can go at anytime, you know.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
To me, the funniest thing about this joke is not the predictable punchline, but it's this line:
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
I love the implication that Johnny is such a whiny little shit that his mother's first reaction, when he shows up in tears before her, is to ask, "What's the matter NOW?"
At least that's how I read it. That's funny!
An Accident Report
I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope…
Is that a joke, or is someone reporting the blow-by-blow of a slapstick scene from a silent movie? How odd.
I felt quite guilty having wasted you time with that strangely detailed attempt at some kind of humor, so I will make matters worse by reprinting yesterday's A Joke A Day, which is shorter, but which I also didn't read. You can go at anytime, you know.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
To me, the funniest thing about this joke is not the predictable punchline, but it's this line:
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
I love the implication that Johnny is such a whiny little shit that his mother's first reaction, when he shows up in tears before her, is to ask, "What's the matter NOW?"
At least that's how I read it. That's funny!
Monday, August 08, 2011
Signs Of Following
Self Help Radio today featured the theme "follow me" in which a lowly deejay made a desperate attempt to rally a group of like-minded folks to his cause!
Er. Not really. It was mainly a show about "following," with an expert reading (from a book about leadership) on how to be a good follower, & also a brief discussion of when following goes bad, which is called by law enforcement professionals everywhere by the trademarked name of "stalking."
The show - which has few followers - is available on the following website: self help radio dot net. I split the show in two the better to follow you: part one is here, & part two is here. Following this paragraph & a closing, there are two related lists containing the songs played in each part. I hope you are following this!
(part one)
"Follow Me" Gainors _The Best Of Red Top Records_
"Follow Me" Lyme & Cybelle _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 3_
"(Hey Babe) Follow Me" Grumbleweeds _The Electric Asylum, Vol. 3_
"Follow Me" The Fruit Machine _Circus Days UK Pop-Sike Obscurities 1966-1970_
"Follow Me Home" Crumb _Evenings & Weekends_
"Follow Me Away" Jasmine Minks _Another Age_
"Follow Me Follow" The Idle Race _Back To The Story_
"Follow Me" Jumprope _Just For A Day_
"Follow Me" The Softies _It's Love_
"Baby, Let Me Follow You Down" Bob Dylan _Biograph_
"You're Following Me" Perry Como _The Essential 60's Singles Collection_
"I Will Follow Him" Little Peggy March _The Very Best Of Little Peggy March: The Essential Singles Collection 1962-1968_
"Being Followed" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
(part two)
"I Will Follow" U2 _Boy_
"The Follower" PragVEC _PragVEC_
"Following Her Around" Sprites _Starlings, Spiders, Tigers & Sprites_
"I'm Following You" Jimmie Noone _1929-1930_
"You I'll Be Following" Love _Love_
"Following" The Bangles _Different Light_
"Following You" Chumbawamba _Un_
"Follow Me Into The Hills" Kathryn Calder _Are You My Mother?_
"Dedicated Follower Of Fashion" The Kinks _Greatest Hits_
"My Love Will Follow Me" Vivian Girls _My Love Will Follow Me_
"Follow" Eric's Trip _Love Tara_
"Of All The Lost Followers" Department S _Is Vic There?_
Er. Not really. It was mainly a show about "following," with an expert reading (from a book about leadership) on how to be a good follower, & also a brief discussion of when following goes bad, which is called by law enforcement professionals everywhere by the trademarked name of "stalking."
The show - which has few followers - is available on the following website: self help radio dot net. I split the show in two the better to follow you: part one is here, & part two is here. Following this paragraph & a closing, there are two related lists containing the songs played in each part. I hope you are following this!
(part one)
"Follow Me" Gainors _The Best Of Red Top Records_
"Follow Me" Lyme & Cybelle _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 3_
"(Hey Babe) Follow Me" Grumbleweeds _The Electric Asylum, Vol. 3_
"Follow Me" The Fruit Machine _Circus Days UK Pop-Sike Obscurities 1966-1970_
"Follow Me Home" Crumb _Evenings & Weekends_
"Follow Me Away" Jasmine Minks _Another Age_
"Follow Me Follow" The Idle Race _Back To The Story_
"Follow Me" Jumprope _Just For A Day_
"Follow Me" The Softies _It's Love_
"Baby, Let Me Follow You Down" Bob Dylan _Biograph_
"You're Following Me" Perry Como _The Essential 60's Singles Collection_
"I Will Follow Him" Little Peggy March _The Very Best Of Little Peggy March: The Essential Singles Collection 1962-1968_
"Being Followed" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
(part two)
"I Will Follow" U2 _Boy_
"The Follower" PragVEC _PragVEC_
"Following Her Around" Sprites _Starlings, Spiders, Tigers & Sprites_
"I'm Following You" Jimmie Noone _1929-1930_
"You I'll Be Following" Love _Love_
"Following" The Bangles _Different Light_
"Following You" Chumbawamba _Un_
"Follow Me Into The Hills" Kathryn Calder _Are You My Mother?_
"Dedicated Follower Of Fashion" The Kinks _Greatest Hits_
"My Love Will Follow Me" Vivian Girls _My Love Will Follow Me_
"Follow" Eric's Trip _Love Tara_
"Of All The Lost Followers" Department S _Is Vic There?_