"Shirts versus Skins (or Shirts & Skins)," says the Wikipedia, "is a common form of denoting team affiliations in an informal sports game; typically when played on a public court or park. The practice involves the members of one team wearing shirts while the other does not. This is used in the absence of uniforms."
There's also apparently a band called Shirts Vs. Skins, though I've never heard their music.
I also happened to find this poll which "explores male shirtlessness in sports particularly in team sports or other group sports where guys are only involved," & that sounds a little gay.
I never thought of it as gay when I was a kid, but I hated shirts vs. skins games, & don't remember ever taking my shirt off when a shirts vs. skins game was played so I either a) didn't play in those games or b) managed to weasel my way onto the shirts team (which was also probably the losing team, full of guys too self-conscious to take their shirts off) (how awful was it that we were self-conscious at an early age) so I didn't have to take my shirt off.
The weird thing is, I'm pretty sure we had shirts vs. skins games in middle school gym class. I think perhaps the coaches who taught P.E. would choose the teams so that the fat kids & the deformed kids & whoever else didn't want to take their shirts off were put into the same team. I don't remember having any mean P.E. teachers in middle school. The really mean apparently taught in high school.
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Friday, November 04, 2011
Self Help 101: Self-Reinvention
Note: This is a series of awkwardly written articles by the maker of Self Help Radio about popular self-help topics because he's getting all self-help-y after many years of mocking self-help with the title of his radio show. People, it's bad.
You are unhappy. So what? So am I. What do I care? But what if I do care? Can I speak to you in generalities that may soothe your inner turmoil with only slightly concealed condescension? Is that what you want? All right then!
Imagine you have a nice house, or any permanent place to stay at all. & maybe a relationship although you're pretty sure your so-called "partner" has cheated on you, even once with someone who works at a bike shop. A bike shop! Do you spend a lot of time daydreaming about being someone else, like someone whose antipsychotic drugs work most of the time & who can afford a semi-automatic weapon?
Whoa there Gloomy Gus! What if you're actually projecting into the world your own unhappiness? Wouldn't you just continue to be sad, even after you got a nice Walther P99 & figured out how to load it? Of course you would. Because it's not the world you hate: it's yourself. It's time for what we in the self-help trade call "re-invention."
Here are five ways to re-invent yourself that I just made up but which totally sound like they'd work:
1) Start talking in an English accent. Don't be all goofy & attempt to say things like British people would - like "telly" for "television" or "biscuits" for "food" - but instead use the limited vocabulary you've always had. It's not an affectation; it's a re-invention. (This could work with other accents, too, although an Australian accent would be annoying.)
2) Think like a jogger. This is handy because it doesn't require you to act like a jogger, which involves running & sweating & long hours wasted running & sweating. What does it mean to think like a jogger? I don't know, I'm not a jogger. But some joggers seem to have it all together.
3) Realize that you are powerless over your addiction, that your life had become unmanageable. Oh, no, wait, that's the first step of the 12 Step Program. Sorry about that.
4) If you find yourself often fleeing in terror, see if there are other emotions in which you can flee instead. Fleeing in amusement, for example, is easier on your heart & might actually be charming. Fleeing in hatred might have saved your last relationship, or at the very least prolonged it long enough so you'd have a date for your cousin's wedding.
5) Try a new salad dressing. What could it hurt?
As you can imagine, there are many web sites & books on self-re-invention. None of them work but mine. I know, some of them say the same thing on their jackets, but who are you going to believe, some person who's taken the time to write a whole book full of ways to re-invent yourself they've made up or someone who has a show called Self Help Radio?
I thought so.
You are unhappy. So what? So am I. What do I care? But what if I do care? Can I speak to you in generalities that may soothe your inner turmoil with only slightly concealed condescension? Is that what you want? All right then!
Imagine you have a nice house, or any permanent place to stay at all. & maybe a relationship although you're pretty sure your so-called "partner" has cheated on you, even once with someone who works at a bike shop. A bike shop! Do you spend a lot of time daydreaming about being someone else, like someone whose antipsychotic drugs work most of the time & who can afford a semi-automatic weapon?
Whoa there Gloomy Gus! What if you're actually projecting into the world your own unhappiness? Wouldn't you just continue to be sad, even after you got a nice Walther P99 & figured out how to load it? Of course you would. Because it's not the world you hate: it's yourself. It's time for what we in the self-help trade call "re-invention."
Here are five ways to re-invent yourself that I just made up but which totally sound like they'd work:
1) Start talking in an English accent. Don't be all goofy & attempt to say things like British people would - like "telly" for "television" or "biscuits" for "food" - but instead use the limited vocabulary you've always had. It's not an affectation; it's a re-invention. (This could work with other accents, too, although an Australian accent would be annoying.)
2) Think like a jogger. This is handy because it doesn't require you to act like a jogger, which involves running & sweating & long hours wasted running & sweating. What does it mean to think like a jogger? I don't know, I'm not a jogger. But some joggers seem to have it all together.
3) Realize that you are powerless over your addiction, that your life had become unmanageable. Oh, no, wait, that's the first step of the 12 Step Program. Sorry about that.
4) If you find yourself often fleeing in terror, see if there are other emotions in which you can flee instead. Fleeing in amusement, for example, is easier on your heart & might actually be charming. Fleeing in hatred might have saved your last relationship, or at the very least prolonged it long enough so you'd have a date for your cousin's wedding.
5) Try a new salad dressing. What could it hurt?
As you can imagine, there are many web sites & books on self-re-invention. None of them work but mine. I know, some of them say the same thing on their jackets, but who are you going to believe, some person who's taken the time to write a whole book full of ways to re-invent yourself they've made up or someone who has a show called Self Help Radio?
I thought so.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Nineteen
This week's A Joke A Day a week was no better nor worse than usual, but it did do something that surprised me: it baffled me.
Seriously. Under the category of "one-liners," Tuesday's A Joke A Day said simply this:
Wife is the knife which cuts the life but there is no life without a wife.
This isn't a matter of not understanding because it's about a subject I could care less about (see "golf jokes"). This is apparently a "one-liner" that is trying both to be clever ("wife" rhymes with "life" & "knife") & misogynistic (is the life the knife-wife is cutting your own?) but also perhaps profound (everyone comes from a mother, I think it's trying to say).
But what the fuck does it mean? Do wives ruin husbands' lives more than husbands ruin the lives of their wives? How many battered men shelters are there out there? & how long has it been since it was required for a woman to be married to have a child?
Not to mention that "wife" not only implies heterosexual marriage. The crafty fellow who tossed off this bon mot doesn't seem to be aware of the gains made in both gay rights & women's rights in the last forty years.
I know, I'm thinking about this too much. I'm not just thinking, you know, that it's impossible to imagine someone finding this funny - I'm thinking it's impossible to imagine someone even understanding it.
Seriously. Under the category of "one-liners," Tuesday's A Joke A Day said simply this:
Wife is the knife which cuts the life but there is no life without a wife.
This isn't a matter of not understanding because it's about a subject I could care less about (see "golf jokes"). This is apparently a "one-liner" that is trying both to be clever ("wife" rhymes with "life" & "knife") & misogynistic (is the life the knife-wife is cutting your own?) but also perhaps profound (everyone comes from a mother, I think it's trying to say).
But what the fuck does it mean? Do wives ruin husbands' lives more than husbands ruin the lives of their wives? How many battered men shelters are there out there? & how long has it been since it was required for a woman to be married to have a child?
Not to mention that "wife" not only implies heterosexual marriage. The crafty fellow who tossed off this bon mot doesn't seem to be aware of the gains made in both gay rights & women's rights in the last forty years.
I know, I'm thinking about this too much. I'm not just thinking, you know, that it's impossible to imagine someone finding this funny - I'm thinking it's impossible to imagine someone even understanding it.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
Do you want to know the difference between a graveyard & a cemetery? Do you wonder what significance graveyards & cemeteries have for human beings? Do you want to hear what someone thinks are the three most haunted burial grounds in the United States? Dude, you should totally listen to this show! I talk about all of those things!
Happy Halloween to you from Self Help Radio, which explores graveyards (not literally but musically) on today's holiday show. The show is available at the Self Help Radio website, conveniently divided into two equally scary parts: part one in a freshly dug grave, & part two in a spooky crypt. Not to give anything away, but some of the scary sounds that you'll hear are listed below.
Also! If you want more Halloween music, I still have last year's show (about haunted houses) as well as a sub show I did (about zombies) on the website. You can find them at the top of the archive page. Enjoy at your own risk.
Happy Halloween!
(part one)
"The Graveyard Shift" The Ghouls _Dracula's Deuce_
"My Baby Digs Graves" The Easter Monkeys _Splendor Of Sorrow_
"The Cemetery" Architecture In Helsinki _In Case We Die_
"Goin' To A Graveyard" The Fuzztones _Monster A-Go-Go_
"Murder In The Graveyard" Screaming Lord Sutch _Rock & Horror_
"The Grave.. & Beyond" Zombina & The Skeletones _Taste The Blood Of Zombina & The Skeletones_
"Dead Man's Grave" The Sapphires _The Sapphires_
"Cemetry Gates" The Smiths _The Queen Is Dead_
"Graveyard Rock" Tarantula Ghoul _Horror Hop_
"Old People In The Cemetery" Of Montreal _Aldhils Arboretum_
"Rockin' In The Graveyard" Jackie Morningstar _Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly_
"Graveyard" Jeffrey Lewis _It's The Ones Who've Cracked That The Light Shines Through_
(part two)
"Mass Graves" George Carlin _Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Gravedigger Rock" The Polecats _Rockabilly Guys: The Best Of The Polecats_
"Gravedigging Blues" Beat Happening _Black Candy_
"The Graveyard Rock" Rodd Keith _I Died Today_
"Monster Mash" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Cornology_
"Graveyard Girl" M83 _Saturdays = Youth_
"Graveyard Girlfriend" The Groovie Ghoulies _Re-Animation Festival_
"In My Grave" The Spectors _Beat Is Murder: Cockfights & Catfights 1992-1996_
"Graveyard" Leroy Bowman _The Ultimate 50's & 60's Rockin' Horror Disc: Blood Curdling Rock & Roll_
"Please Mr. Gravedigger" David Bowie _London Boy_
"Graveyard Groove" The Revillos _Attack Of The Giant Revillos_
"Pet Sematary" The Ramones _Brain Drain_
"Found Love In A Graveyard" Veronica Falls _Veronica Falls_
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Whither Graveyards?
I'm running out of Halloween show ideas! I don't think there are many songs about pumpkins!
I was actually going to do the show on curses this year when, like an idea that was only in my peripheral vision, I thought about graveyards a couple of months ago. I was also thinking of doing a show on Japanese monster movies, & might have gone that way if I hadn't already thought of graveyards in the interim.
This is not very interesting, I know, but perhaps you have an idea I haven't had. It's a little weird to be asking for help on a theme that won't be explored for literally a year (even before I've done the show about graveyards!) but there you are. Perhaps next year I'll do a show entirely made up of themes from horror films. Or maybe I can find enough songs about pumpkins by then.
In any event, tomorrow! At 7:30 am! In Lexington! Is Self Help Radio's 2011 Halloween show! About graveyards! It'll be as scary as anything at 7:30 am is! Listen live on the 88.1 fm frequency *or* online at the WRFL website, whichever is most handy. I'll archive the show later at self help radio dot net.
& remember, you can still listen to last year's shows about zombies & haunted houses! Perfectly spooky listening for your Halloween night!
I was actually going to do the show on curses this year when, like an idea that was only in my peripheral vision, I thought about graveyards a couple of months ago. I was also thinking of doing a show on Japanese monster movies, & might have gone that way if I hadn't already thought of graveyards in the interim.
This is not very interesting, I know, but perhaps you have an idea I haven't had. It's a little weird to be asking for help on a theme that won't be explored for literally a year (even before I've done the show about graveyards!) but there you are. Perhaps next year I'll do a show entirely made up of themes from horror films. Or maybe I can find enough songs about pumpkins by then.
In any event, tomorrow! At 7:30 am! In Lexington! Is Self Help Radio's 2011 Halloween show! About graveyards! It'll be as scary as anything at 7:30 am is! Listen live on the 88.1 fm frequency *or* online at the WRFL website, whichever is most handy. I'll archive the show later at self help radio dot net.
& remember, you can still listen to last year's shows about zombies & haunted houses! Perfectly spooky listening for your Halloween night!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Preface To Halloween 2011 - Graveyards!: My Life Is A Boneyard
Self Help Radio prides itself on not repeating itself, like other radio shows do. I understand that the point of radio is repetition, & that more people would perhaps listen to Self Help Radio (arguable) if it played the same thing over & over, like most popular radio shows do. Alas, it is not in my constitution.
I do love to do "annual" shows, like Halloween, which is coming up this week. But while I like doing a Halloween show, I also want to hone in on some aspect of Halloween rather than being generic. Also, I don't want to repeat myself. I do try to come up with an interesting, holiday-related theme on the topic. How have I done so far?
In 2003, it was just "Halloween."
In 2004, I didn't do a Halloween show. Long story.
In 2005, the show was about vampires.
In 2006, the show was about monsters.
In 2007, the show was about zombies.
In 2008, the show was about witches.
In 2009, the show was about werewolves.
In 2010, the show was about haunted houses.
(Speaking of not repeating myself, I did reprise the zombie show for a WRFL sub last year, & you can hear the show here if you're so inclined. I justify the repetition by saying "it wasn't a Self Help Radio show." Also, if you'd like to hear last year's show about haunted houses, it's also still available for the listening to.)
This year's show, as you perhaps have read in the post's subject line, is about graveyards. I have ideas for other future Halloween themes, like voodoo & curses, but the graveyard theme hit me at the last minute. Clearly I need to listen closely to cliched Halloween songs to tease out Halloween details I have been heretofore ignoring.
I do love to do "annual" shows, like Halloween, which is coming up this week. But while I like doing a Halloween show, I also want to hone in on some aspect of Halloween rather than being generic. Also, I don't want to repeat myself. I do try to come up with an interesting, holiday-related theme on the topic. How have I done so far?
In 2003, it was just "Halloween."
In 2004, I didn't do a Halloween show. Long story.
In 2005, the show was about vampires.
In 2006, the show was about monsters.
In 2007, the show was about zombies.
In 2008, the show was about witches.
In 2009, the show was about werewolves.
In 2010, the show was about haunted houses.
(Speaking of not repeating myself, I did reprise the zombie show for a WRFL sub last year, & you can hear the show here if you're so inclined. I justify the repetition by saying "it wasn't a Self Help Radio show." Also, if you'd like to hear last year's show about haunted houses, it's also still available for the listening to.)
This year's show, as you perhaps have read in the post's subject line, is about graveyards. I have ideas for other future Halloween themes, like voodoo & curses, but the graveyard theme hit me at the last minute. Clearly I need to listen closely to cliched Halloween songs to tease out Halloween details I have been heretofore ignoring.
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Competition
Self Help Radio is not a self-help radio show. Oftentimes when people come to the web site or especially to the Facebook page(*), they expect a generic "self-help" page, & are probably confused when it's not, as the Wikipedia describes it, "a self-guided improvement— economically, intellectually, or emotionally — often with a substantial psychological basis." In fact, many have suggested (or none have) that no one has ever been helped by Self Help Radio.
Yet there are actual self-help radio shows, & perhaps Self Help Radio should consider them the competition. What are these shows? Should Self Help Radio be worried?
If you use Google to search for "self-help radio" (leaving the dash in, which Self Help Radio doesn't), the second result(**) is Self Dev Radio (obviously they didn't want or couldn't afford the selfhelpradio.com address, which sits idle), a site that appears to be internet-only, & which boasts that it "broadcast(s) inspirational interviews, self-development features & smooth music 24/7!" Going to the web site will let you immediately hear some of that "smooth music," plus the loud, confident voice of a fellow telling you what you're also reading on the site. In case you can't read. Or something.
Next is the motherlode: a list of links relating to "self-help" on Blog Talk Radio. Here is a treasure trove (if this is your kind of treasure) of links to shows with titles like "Finding Happiness Within," "Message From The Oneness," "Fate Versus Destiny," "Healing Wisdom: Attract The Perfect Partner For You," "Motivation, Exercise & ADD," & "Instinct Combat Shooting."
Hey. Combat shooting can be a form of self-help. Don't balk!
Up next is Self Improvement Talk Radio, another riff on the more familiar "self-help" phrase. It appears to be not a list of shows, but a promotional page for a particular self-help guru, Dr. Anne Marie Evers, who is Canadian & who also has a certificate (that could be Canadian for BA? (***)) in therapeutic touch. (The Wikipedia is kinder to this quackery than it ought to be.)
Dr. Evers is not a medical doctor, & her own site tells you she is an "ordained minister," so perhaps her doctorate is in theology, since her credentials only mention "certificates" & not actual degrees. She does give affirmations, which Self Help Radio does not, & how could it compete with a list like this?
1. I am the DREAMER.
2. I am the DREAM.
3. I am the Dream Activator, Dream Supporter or the Dream Stealer.
4. I am the recepient of the DREAM, the benefactor of the DREAM.
5. I am the creator, sustainer/preserver/manifestor of the DREAM.
6. I and I alone am responsible and accountable for the DREAM.
Dream Stealer?
Finally, there is Achievement Radio Dot Com, which seems like a pretty good achievement, until you click the link & oh no! "AchievementRadio.com Is No Longer An Active Website."
Perhaps they needed to practice more of what they preached.
(*) Many people have "liked" the Facebook page, thinking they are liking generic "self-help radio." Most soon realize the error of their ways.
(**) After "Self Help Radio." Surprisingly!
(***) It's not.
Yet there are actual self-help radio shows, & perhaps Self Help Radio should consider them the competition. What are these shows? Should Self Help Radio be worried?
If you use Google to search for "self-help radio" (leaving the dash in, which Self Help Radio doesn't), the second result(**) is Self Dev Radio (obviously they didn't want or couldn't afford the selfhelpradio.com address, which sits idle), a site that appears to be internet-only, & which boasts that it "broadcast(s) inspirational interviews, self-development features & smooth music 24/7!" Going to the web site will let you immediately hear some of that "smooth music," plus the loud, confident voice of a fellow telling you what you're also reading on the site. In case you can't read. Or something.
Next is the motherlode: a list of links relating to "self-help" on Blog Talk Radio. Here is a treasure trove (if this is your kind of treasure) of links to shows with titles like "Finding Happiness Within," "Message From The Oneness," "Fate Versus Destiny," "Healing Wisdom: Attract The Perfect Partner For You," "Motivation, Exercise & ADD," & "Instinct Combat Shooting."
Hey. Combat shooting can be a form of self-help. Don't balk!
Up next is Self Improvement Talk Radio, another riff on the more familiar "self-help" phrase. It appears to be not a list of shows, but a promotional page for a particular self-help guru, Dr. Anne Marie Evers, who is Canadian & who also has a certificate (that could be Canadian for BA? (***)) in therapeutic touch. (The Wikipedia is kinder to this quackery than it ought to be.)
Dr. Evers is not a medical doctor, & her own site tells you she is an "ordained minister," so perhaps her doctorate is in theology, since her credentials only mention "certificates" & not actual degrees. She does give affirmations, which Self Help Radio does not, & how could it compete with a list like this?
1. I am the DREAMER.
2. I am the DREAM.
3. I am the Dream Activator, Dream Supporter or the Dream Stealer.
4. I am the recepient of the DREAM, the benefactor of the DREAM.
5. I am the creator, sustainer/preserver/manifestor of the DREAM.
6. I and I alone am responsible and accountable for the DREAM.
Dream Stealer?
Finally, there is Achievement Radio Dot Com, which seems like a pretty good achievement, until you click the link & oh no! "AchievementRadio.com Is No Longer An Active Website."
Perhaps they needed to practice more of what they preached.
(*) Many people have "liked" the Facebook page, thinking they are liking generic "self-help radio." Most soon realize the error of their ways.
(**) After "Self Help Radio." Surprisingly!
(***) It's not.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Eighteen
Never accuse the arguably fine folks of A Joke A Day of a lack of topicality. Oh sure, there are plenty of non-offensive insults about imaginary people to tell, & naturally men hate the women they marry once they are no longer attracted to them, & of course there are literally thousands if not millions of puns already beaten to death in the English language, all a treasure trove of repetition for the staff of A Joke A Day to share with its subscribers, people noted for a distinct lack of an actual sense of humor.
But this week, sensing the foul mood of the country, the brave editor (or randomizing computer) (pretty much the same thing at the A Joke A Day headquarters) green-lit & sent out a joke that captures the foul feeling a vast majority of America has about its richest class.
It's true! At long last - with no further ado - I give you the A Joke A Day Solidarity With Occupy Wall Street joke:
One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"
Now if only someone with good jokes would occupy A Joke A Day.
But this week, sensing the foul mood of the country, the brave editor (or randomizing computer) (pretty much the same thing at the A Joke A Day headquarters) green-lit & sent out a joke that captures the foul feeling a vast majority of America has about its richest class.
It's true! At long last - with no further ado - I give you the A Joke A Day Solidarity With Occupy Wall Street joke:
One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well" The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"
Now if only someone with good jokes would occupy A Joke A Day.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Self Help Radio Bus Tours, Ltd.
Ah, buses. How I have ridden you over the years. Er. Well, that didn't sound right. I just. I want to show my appreciation for buses, is all. You used to take me home when I was in college, &, thankfully, you'd take me back to college again. You took me to work every day for over a decade, & you were often late, so that I could smoke another cigarette, back when I smoked, & stare impatiently for you down the street. I read books on you, I listened to hours of music while staring out your windows. I used to travel on buses to get to Self Help Radio, back when the show was in Austin. I met the woman I married while waiting at a bus stop.
Here is the Self Help Radio show about buses! No fare required. Also, you can play it as loud as you want. The map is at self help radio dot net, but the show is on two different routes, though - route one goes in this direction while route two goes in this direction. The stops on each route are listed below.
Thanks for riding the bus with me!
(part one)
"Waiting For The Bus" Violent Femmes _Add It Up (1981-1983)_
"Buses" Shark & Me _The Rubble Collection, Vol. 5_
"Take A Bus" Stix & Stonz _Soft Sounds For Gentle People Vol. 5 (Far-Out Treasures From California & Beyond, 1966-1969)_
"Another One Rides The Bus" Weird Al Yankovic _"Weird Al" Yankovic_
"You're Crazy For Taking The Bus" Jonathan Richman _Jonathan Goes Country_
"Roll Bus Roll" Jeffrey Lewis & The Junkyard _Em Are I_
"Love On A Greyhound Bus (Lucy Ann Polk, vocals)" Kay Kyser & His Orchestra _The Ultimate Collection (1939-1947)_
"Us On A Bus" Fats Waller _1935-1936_
"Bus Stop" Graham Gouldman _The Graham Gouldman Thing_
"Bus Stop" She _Wants A Piece Of You_
"Bustop" Lida Husik _The Return Of Red Emma_
"Girl At The Bus Stop" BMX Bandits _The Totally Groovy Live Experiment!_
(part two)
"Bumpin' Bus Stop, Pt. 1" Playboys _Funk Spectrum II: Real Funk For Real People_
"Double Dutch Bus" Frankie Smith _Double Dutch Bus_
"Funky Driver On A Funky Bus, Pt. 1" Charles Leonard _Bay Area Funk_
"Bus Drivers School" Bob Newhart _The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!_
"The Magic Bus" The Who _Meaty Beaty Big & Bouncy_
"This Bus Won't Go To War" Firesign Theatre _Fighting Clowns_
"Busstop" The Mad Scene _A Trip Thru Monsterland_
"Red Bus" The Minders _Hooray For Tuesday_
"Bus" The Figgs _Low-Fi At Society High_
"On The Bus" The Holloways _No Smoke, No Mirrors_
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Whither Buses?
Doesn't "buses" look funny? It should be "busses." But NO! says the spellcheck. (The spellcheck also doesn't like "spellcheck.")
Frankly, it's surprising that Self Help Radio hasn't done a show about buses before. For the longest time - from the time my car died in the summer after high school (1986) until the time my girlfriend - whom I would later marry - totaled her car in December of 2004, I did not own a car. If I needed to go places far, I rode a Greyhound bus - until I was old enough to rent cars.
In town, though, I rode buses everywhere. I took a bus daily to & from work. I took a bus to my radio show when the KOOP studios were in downtown Austin. I sometimes took buses to rock shows & then, as the shows ended after the buses stopped running, I would often just walk home.
I met the woman I would later marry at a bus stop. Maybe that's why I haven't done a bus show before. It would have to be a very good show. Buses have been good to me.
How good will the show be? I don't know. Listen tomorrow morning (it's a Monday) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. You can listen online at WRFL dot fm. Or if you're stuck on a bus & can't tune it in, you can listen later at self help radio dot net.
At the bus stop where I met my wife, on a hot August afternoon in Austin, Texas, we were forced to share a tiny shrub for shade. The last time I was in town we drove by - & that shrub is now a giant tree.
Frankly, it's surprising that Self Help Radio hasn't done a show about buses before. For the longest time - from the time my car died in the summer after high school (1986) until the time my girlfriend - whom I would later marry - totaled her car in December of 2004, I did not own a car. If I needed to go places far, I rode a Greyhound bus - until I was old enough to rent cars.
In town, though, I rode buses everywhere. I took a bus daily to & from work. I took a bus to my radio show when the KOOP studios were in downtown Austin. I sometimes took buses to rock shows & then, as the shows ended after the buses stopped running, I would often just walk home.
I met the woman I would later marry at a bus stop. Maybe that's why I haven't done a bus show before. It would have to be a very good show. Buses have been good to me.
How good will the show be? I don't know. Listen tomorrow morning (it's a Monday) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. You can listen online at WRFL dot fm. Or if you're stuck on a bus & can't tune it in, you can listen later at self help radio dot net.
At the bus stop where I met my wife, on a hot August afternoon in Austin, Texas, we were forced to share a tiny shrub for shade. The last time I was in town we drove by - & that shrub is now a giant tree.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Preface To Buses: Wouldn't You Rather Fly?
No. I miss riding in buses. I used to ride buses all the time. But when I became old enough to rent cars (I didn't own a car until later in life because Austin, where I've spent most of my entire adult life, has a great city bus system), I preferred to drive places I could drive to, whether camping in Big Bend or in Utah, or home to the family in Dallas, or wherever.
But I took buses back & forth from Austin to Dallas & Austin to Houston for several years while I was in college. I loved to sit in the front & see the picture window of the world before me. I rode a bus part of the way to Mexico City once, although the majority of the way was on a train, which I loved.
In fact, if I had my preference, it'd probably be in this order of preference: trains (including subways), automobiles, buses, planes. But if Lexington were a bigger city, with a more substantial bus system, I might bus more often. I used to bus to work every day. Every day. Walking to a bus stop. Reading at the bus stop. Waiting for the bus. When I used to smoke, smoking at the bus stop. Wondering if there was a seat on the bus for me. & whom I had to sit next to.
Do you have a good bus story? You should tell me. Maybe I'll tell some bus stories on this week's Self Help Radio!
If not yours, than mine.
But I took buses back & forth from Austin to Dallas & Austin to Houston for several years while I was in college. I loved to sit in the front & see the picture window of the world before me. I rode a bus part of the way to Mexico City once, although the majority of the way was on a train, which I loved.
In fact, if I had my preference, it'd probably be in this order of preference: trains (including subways), automobiles, buses, planes. But if Lexington were a bigger city, with a more substantial bus system, I might bus more often. I used to bus to work every day. Every day. Walking to a bus stop. Reading at the bus stop. Waiting for the bus. When I used to smoke, smoking at the bus stop. Wondering if there was a seat on the bus for me. & whom I had to sit next to.
Do you have a good bus story? You should tell me. Maybe I'll tell some bus stories on this week's Self Help Radio!
If not yours, than mine.
Friday, October 21, 2011
I Make Excuses, Again
You haven't been wondering, but I haven't either, yet I still ask the question, "What happened to Self Help Radio Extra?" Didn't I used to do them once a month? But I haven't done any since the summer! What the fuck?
The truth is, I started doing the Self Help Radio Extra mixes a while back, when I was still in Austin, & found I was listening to a lot of music that would not necessarily be played on Self Help Radio any time soon. It was a chance to do a sort of freeform or indiepop show without actually having one on the radio.
Then, when we moved away, I began doing Sugar Substitute, & doing an extra mix became a little redundant. It was worse when I started deejay at WRFL because I also sub a lot of freeform shows. I don't like to repeat myself & play the same songs over & over. Not that anyone would notice but me. If I were going to do a Self Help Radio Extra, it would need to be, for me, something different from the radio shows I was also doing.
The last Extra I did was kind of a remake of a previous radio show, & although I think it's a fun mix, I regret it a little, since I don't really want to repeat myself. Although I have now repeated myself saying I dislike repeating myself. Good lord. & now it's October, almost November, & I don't imagine I'll make another one this year. Unless I can come up with a different idea for an "extra."
Do you miss it? I don't believe you if you said "yes."
But there's the answer: Self Help Radio Extra is being neglected. But it's not going away or anything. I'm just probably going to ignore it some more.
The truth is, I started doing the Self Help Radio Extra mixes a while back, when I was still in Austin, & found I was listening to a lot of music that would not necessarily be played on Self Help Radio any time soon. It was a chance to do a sort of freeform or indiepop show without actually having one on the radio.
Then, when we moved away, I began doing Sugar Substitute, & doing an extra mix became a little redundant. It was worse when I started deejay at WRFL because I also sub a lot of freeform shows. I don't like to repeat myself & play the same songs over & over. Not that anyone would notice but me. If I were going to do a Self Help Radio Extra, it would need to be, for me, something different from the radio shows I was also doing.
The last Extra I did was kind of a remake of a previous radio show, & although I think it's a fun mix, I regret it a little, since I don't really want to repeat myself. Although I have now repeated myself saying I dislike repeating myself. Good lord. & now it's October, almost November, & I don't imagine I'll make another one this year. Unless I can come up with a different idea for an "extra."
Do you miss it? I don't believe you if you said "yes."
But there's the answer: Self Help Radio Extra is being neglected. But it's not going away or anything. I'm just probably going to ignore it some more.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Seventeen
I'm not sure I can go on much longer with this series. I'll just put that out there right now. I would love to report "The week of A Joke A Day this week was good!" or even "The week of A Joke A Day this week didn't make me feel at all like vomiting all over my computer screen!" But no. It was another week of neutered jokes, jokes written for the average five-year-old, & the obligatory misanthropic man/woman nonsense.
Thursday's joke involved a salesperson calling a home, getting a child, frustratingly asking for the mother (who's not home), then asking for anyone else at the house, to which the child replied, "My sister is home." The punchline, of course, is that the sister is younger than the child on the phone. Ho ho.
Fridays' joke involved a car accident with a dotty elderly woman (naturally). You can deduce the entire joke from the weak punchline: "In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
Four exclamation points. That's like someone laughing after they've told a joke to let everyone know it's time to laugh.
Saturday's joke was a slight reversal: an elderly man tricks a fellow at the grocery store into buying his groceries. That clever coot sure showed that young upstart! (That's my way of saying the joke was probably stolen from a 1930's comedy short.)
Sunday's was a hunter joke. It's sad enough that we live in a society that still has people who hunt. This one, probably the best joke of the week, turned the tables on the hunter. Here it is in full:
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
I suppose the ellipsis is there for you to wait for the laughs that will probably never come.
Monday featured a woman who took the television remote from her husband when he refused to go shopping with her. The joke turns bleak when she returns home & he beats the hell out of her. (At least I assume. It stops before that.)
Tuesday's joke was another kid's offering, one you've heard from every child you've ever known, but which is never as funny as it was in the second grade:
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Wednesday brought us another "man vs. woman" joke. It is discovered that, when pricing brains for transplant, women's are less expensive than men's because they are "used." Ha ha snort.
It's weeks like these that make me regret taking up this terrible mantle. I'd be better off examining "A Prayer A Day."
Thursday's joke involved a salesperson calling a home, getting a child, frustratingly asking for the mother (who's not home), then asking for anyone else at the house, to which the child replied, "My sister is home." The punchline, of course, is that the sister is younger than the child on the phone. Ho ho.
Fridays' joke involved a car accident with a dotty elderly woman (naturally). You can deduce the entire joke from the weak punchline: "In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
Four exclamation points. That's like someone laughing after they've told a joke to let everyone know it's time to laugh.
Saturday's joke was a slight reversal: an elderly man tricks a fellow at the grocery store into buying his groceries. That clever coot sure showed that young upstart! (That's my way of saying the joke was probably stolen from a 1930's comedy short.)
Sunday's was a hunter joke. It's sad enough that we live in a society that still has people who hunt. This one, probably the best joke of the week, turned the tables on the hunter. Here it is in full:
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
I suppose the ellipsis is there for you to wait for the laughs that will probably never come.
Monday featured a woman who took the television remote from her husband when he refused to go shopping with her. The joke turns bleak when she returns home & he beats the hell out of her. (At least I assume. It stops before that.)
Tuesday's joke was another kid's offering, one you've heard from every child you've ever known, but which is never as funny as it was in the second grade:
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Wednesday brought us another "man vs. woman" joke. It is discovered that, when pricing brains for transplant, women's are less expensive than men's because they are "used." Ha ha snort.
It's weeks like these that make me regret taking up this terrible mantle. I'd be better off examining "A Prayer A Day."
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Flow That Shows
Among the things one often thinks about that do flow - rivers, tears, blood, lava - one does not often think of Self Help Radio. The stumbling, often shabby radio show has also been known to fail at running, skipping, hopping, bouncing, sliding, rolling & let's just say for the hell of it rocking. So why did Self Help Radio advertise itself this week as "a show that flows"? Does it really want to embrace irony like some hipster douchebag?
As Winston Churchill never said, "Some men strive for irony, & some have irony thrust upon them." I am not sure what some women strive for, but I fear that if I started to talk about what gets thrust upon them, I will become embarrassed & have to leave.
The show does seems to have lots of songs about flowing, as might be expected, even if they don't flow well together. It's now resting safely at the Self Help Radio web site. Even worse, I broke up the flow by separating the show into two parts. Part one is available by clicking "part one" there. Part two is the same except you need to click "part two" at the beginning of this sentence. What is flowing (or not flowing) through those parts is listed below.
I'd ask you to just go with the flow but I'm not sure there's any flow in this show. Oh heavy sigh.
(part one)
"Flow" Incense _Fall Into The Glowing Fade_
"Feel Flows Free" Guitar _Sunkissed_
"Let Your Love Flow" Ray Charles _Wish You Were Here Tonight_
"Let It Flow" Jimmie Spheeris _Isle Of View_
"Steady In The Flow" Rosemary Haddad _Coming Hohm_
"Let It Flow" Elvin Bishop _Let It Flow_
"Let It Flow (Do You Like Scratchin'?)" KRS-One _Buffalo Gals: Back To Skool_
"I Feel Like Flowing" Apache _The Original Flava Unit_
"Let The Funk Flow" EPMD _Strictly Business_
(part two)
"Flow Forever" Rakim _The Master_
"Flow" House Of Love _Creation Soup Vol. 5_
"Everything Flows" Teenage Fanclub _Everything Flows_
"Bloodflow" Smog _KVRX Local Live Vol. 10_
"Contraflow" The Fall _The REAL New Fall LP Formerly Country On The Click_
"Melodic Flow" A.M. Sixty _Big As The Sky_
"Let It Flow" Cheeky Monkey _Four Arms To Hold You_
"Ebb & Flow" Julie Ocean _Long Gone & Nearly There_
"Wreck My Flow" The Dirtbombs _We Have You Surrounded_
"Cash Flow" Cash Pussies _99% Is Shit_
"Tears Begin To Flow" The Spiders _Chicken Shack Boogie Vol. 4_
As Winston Churchill never said, "Some men strive for irony, & some have irony thrust upon them." I am not sure what some women strive for, but I fear that if I started to talk about what gets thrust upon them, I will become embarrassed & have to leave.
The show does seems to have lots of songs about flowing, as might be expected, even if they don't flow well together. It's now resting safely at the Self Help Radio web site. Even worse, I broke up the flow by separating the show into two parts. Part one is available by clicking "part one" there. Part two is the same except you need to click "part two" at the beginning of this sentence. What is flowing (or not flowing) through those parts is listed below.
I'd ask you to just go with the flow but I'm not sure there's any flow in this show. Oh heavy sigh.
(part one)
"Flow" Incense _Fall Into The Glowing Fade_
"Feel Flows Free" Guitar _Sunkissed_
"Let Your Love Flow" Ray Charles _Wish You Were Here Tonight_
"Let It Flow" Jimmie Spheeris _Isle Of View_
"Steady In The Flow" Rosemary Haddad _Coming Hohm_
"Let It Flow" Elvin Bishop _Let It Flow_
"Let It Flow (Do You Like Scratchin'?)" KRS-One _Buffalo Gals: Back To Skool_
"I Feel Like Flowing" Apache _The Original Flava Unit_
"Let The Funk Flow" EPMD _Strictly Business_
(part two)
"Flow Forever" Rakim _The Master_
"Flow" House Of Love _Creation Soup Vol. 5_
"Everything Flows" Teenage Fanclub _Everything Flows_
"Bloodflow" Smog _KVRX Local Live Vol. 10_
"Contraflow" The Fall _The REAL New Fall LP Formerly Country On The Click_
"Melodic Flow" A.M. Sixty _Big As The Sky_
"Let It Flow" Cheeky Monkey _Four Arms To Hold You_
"Ebb & Flow" Julie Ocean _Long Gone & Nearly There_
"Wreck My Flow" The Dirtbombs _We Have You Surrounded_
"Cash Flow" Cash Pussies _99% Is Shit_
"Tears Begin To Flow" The Spiders _Chicken Shack Boogie Vol. 4_
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Whither A Show That Flows?
I honestly don't know where this show came from. I created a folder on my Mac's desktop where I threw some ideas in there & suddenly it showed up on my queue. Most of the time, a theme suggests itself to me - I can at least say that I was interested in something & made the decision to make it into a show. But "a show that flows"? What the hell?
I know "flow" is used often in a musical context, especially in hip-hop, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking of doing a show of songs that demonstrated some vague notion of "flow." I also wasn't watching a river flow, or lava flow, or blood flow, or tears flow. & I hardly ever go with the flow. So I don't know from where flow flowed.
All I know is there will be a stumbling attempt to do a show about flows tomorrow on WRFL, the regular Self Help Radio time, 7:30 am, until 9:00, on the 88.1 frequency, or you can listen live online at wrfl dot fm. (This is a direct link to the WRFL .pls file if you don't want to go the website.) & of course you can listen any time after tomorrow at Self Help Radio: The Website.
It's not a terribly auspicious beginning of my tenth year. Eek!
I know "flow" is used often in a musical context, especially in hip-hop, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking of doing a show of songs that demonstrated some vague notion of "flow." I also wasn't watching a river flow, or lava flow, or blood flow, or tears flow. & I hardly ever go with the flow. So I don't know from where flow flowed.
All I know is there will be a stumbling attempt to do a show about flows tomorrow on WRFL, the regular Self Help Radio time, 7:30 am, until 9:00, on the 88.1 frequency, or you can listen live online at wrfl dot fm. (This is a direct link to the WRFL .pls file if you don't want to go the website.) & of course you can listen any time after tomorrow at Self Help Radio: The Website.
It's not a terribly auspicious beginning of my tenth year. Eek!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Preface To A Show That Flows: 1200 Posts OMG!
Excuse me while I cut & paste for my own amusement.
I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
& finally, 158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.
It's 147 days later - & I've probably made a mistake somewhere, because I count 1714 days up there but it's been 1859 days since the blog began. DON'T LET ME DO MATH. ESPECIALLY NOT IN MY HEAD.
Now back to working on the radio show...
I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
& finally, 158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.
It's 147 days later - & I've probably made a mistake somewhere, because I count 1714 days up there but it's been 1859 days since the blog began. DON'T LET ME DO MATH. ESPECIALLY NOT IN MY HEAD.
Now back to working on the radio show...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Omigosh! Nearly Twelve Hundred Posts!
Holy crap. Tomorrow will be the one thousand, two hundredth entry on this blog. It's kind of exciting it's happening around the same time as my ninth anniversary, although it's only a coincidence they somewhat coincide. I wish I had thought of a blog at the same time I thought of doing the show, but I didn't know whether I'd be doing a show like Self Help Radio for very long. It's a little like dating the woman I ended up marrying. I hadn't dated anyone for very long in many years. So too with the radio show - who could've known it would last almost a decade?
This blog is just a little over five years old. Tomorrow I'll bore you with my accounting but assuming that it's been five years & one month, the goofy math I did suggests that 1200 posts over 1855 days (I multiplied 365 {the days in a year} times 5 {the years the blog has existed} plus I added 30 {for the extra month}) averages out to me scribbling on the blog about once every day & a half. All the more remarkable because I really have nothing to say.
Especially since entries like this are really just time wasters. Place holders. Stalling, if you will.
Oh, & I'm not trying to create suspense or anything - tomorrow's 1200th entry will not be exciting or important in any way. That hasn't happened before - why would it happen now?
Silly!
This blog is just a little over five years old. Tomorrow I'll bore you with my accounting but assuming that it's been five years & one month, the goofy math I did suggests that 1200 posts over 1855 days (I multiplied 365 {the days in a year} times 5 {the years the blog has existed} plus I added 30 {for the extra month}) averages out to me scribbling on the blog about once every day & a half. All the more remarkable because I really have nothing to say.
Especially since entries like this are really just time wasters. Place holders. Stalling, if you will.
Oh, & I'm not trying to create suspense or anything - tomorrow's 1200th entry will not be exciting or important in any way. That hasn't happened before - why would it happen now?
Silly!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Sixteen
Though I am a negative person, who sees the worst in everyone, who expects the worst from the world, I find I hardly ever have a problem praising goodness & being excited about something original or noteworthy. That's why I am presenting this quite punny A Joke A Day joke in its entirety. I believe it's a good joke.
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore."
Only one quibble. The famous tongue twister, a pun upon which is the whole raison d'etre for this joke, is "she sells seashells by the seashore." Why did the person telling the joke need to name the girl Sally? Wouldn't the last line be even more funny if the punchline were just, "She sells C cells by the seashore"?
It would, but then, if that were the case, it just wouldn't be A Joke A Day.
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore."
Only one quibble. The famous tongue twister, a pun upon which is the whole raison d'etre for this joke, is "she sells seashells by the seashore." Why did the person telling the joke need to name the girl Sally? Wouldn't the last line be even more funny if the punchline were just, "She sells C cells by the seashore"?
It would, but then, if that were the case, it just wouldn't be A Joke A Day.
Monday, October 10, 2011
The Ninth Anniversary Show
Yes, Self Help Radio has been on the air for nine years. The other night I counted roughly (well, I was drunk) over 450 (that's four-hundred-fifty) episodes of Self Help Radio over the years, or (as I do the math) about fifty episodes per year, which means either I'm pretty dedicated or I really should learn to enjoy vacations.
For this anniversary, I revisit a theme that I first tackled in 2004, & looking back over that playlist, I feel like back then I was phoning it in. No "Telstar"? No "Space Junk" by Devo? I must have thought of the show the night before! That's the cool thing about revisiting a theme - at least for me - I can try to revisit a theme with all the musical knowledge I've gained (&/or lost) in the intervening years.
I also made shirts for the show! Congrats to John, Kay, Chris & Ethan for winning. & during the week of the show, you can "like" my show on its Facebook page & then like the appropriate comment there to be eligible for a drawing to win a shirt just for being a Facebook friend. It's a happy anniversary all around!
The show is not in a degrading orbit, but at my degraded website, self help radio dot net, & of course it's been in a space collision, so it's in two parts. Part one is hurting toward the International Space Station. Part two is being hassled by a gang of micrometeors. The songs they're singing are mentioned below.
Here's to nine more years! Or months, really. I'm not greedy.
(part one)
"Sputnik I" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Beep Beep" Tom Glazer & Dottie Evans _Space Songs_
"The Sputnik Story" Bill Thomas __The Ultimate 50's Rockin' Sci-Fi Disc: American Sci-Fi Songs From The 1950s_
"War Of The Satellites" Man Or Astroman? _Postphonic Star Exploration_
"Telstar" The Tornados _It's Hard To Believe It! The Amazing World Of Joe Meek_
"Satellite" Teresa Brewer _Miss Versatility_
"Satellite Of Love" The Velvet Underground _Peel Slowly & See_
"Satellite" The Aluminum Group _Pelo_
"International Space Station" Figurine _Transportation + Communication = Love_
"Sputnik II" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Sputnik Kiss" The Revillos _From The Freezer_
"Satellite" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_
"Satellite" Kicking Giant _Halo_
(part two)
"Satellite" Magnapop _Mouthfeel_
"Sputnik (Satellite Girl)" Jerry Engler & The Four Ekkos _That'll Flat Git It!, Vol. 6_
"Satellite # 2" Carl Mann _Carl Rocks!_
"Big Red Satellite" Hasil Adkins _The Wild Man_
"Sputnik's Down" Folk Implosion _Take A Look Inside_
"My House Is A Satellite" The Shapes _Songs For Sensible People_
"Mix Up The Satellites" Guided By Voices _Earthquake Glue_
"Explorer 1" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Satelllliiiiiteee" Flying Lotus _Cosmogramma_
"Space Junk" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_
"Satellites Like Butterflies" The June _Green Fields & Rain_
"Worry Satellite" South Ambulance _South Ambulance_
"Satellite" Luscious Jackson _In Search Of Manny_
For this anniversary, I revisit a theme that I first tackled in 2004, & looking back over that playlist, I feel like back then I was phoning it in. No "Telstar"? No "Space Junk" by Devo? I must have thought of the show the night before! That's the cool thing about revisiting a theme - at least for me - I can try to revisit a theme with all the musical knowledge I've gained (&/or lost) in the intervening years.
I also made shirts for the show! Congrats to John, Kay, Chris & Ethan for winning. & during the week of the show, you can "like" my show on its Facebook page & then like the appropriate comment there to be eligible for a drawing to win a shirt just for being a Facebook friend. It's a happy anniversary all around!
The show is not in a degrading orbit, but at my degraded website, self help radio dot net, & of course it's been in a space collision, so it's in two parts. Part one is hurting toward the International Space Station. Part two is being hassled by a gang of micrometeors. The songs they're singing are mentioned below.
Here's to nine more years! Or months, really. I'm not greedy.
(part one)
"Sputnik I" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Beep Beep" Tom Glazer & Dottie Evans _Space Songs_
"The Sputnik Story" Bill Thomas __The Ultimate 50's Rockin' Sci-Fi Disc: American Sci-Fi Songs From The 1950s_
"War Of The Satellites" Man Or Astroman? _Postphonic Star Exploration_
"Telstar" The Tornados _It's Hard To Believe It! The Amazing World Of Joe Meek_
"Satellite" Teresa Brewer _Miss Versatility_
"Satellite Of Love" The Velvet Underground _Peel Slowly & See_
"Satellite" The Aluminum Group _Pelo_
"International Space Station" Figurine _Transportation + Communication = Love_
"Sputnik II" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Sputnik Kiss" The Revillos _From The Freezer_
"Satellite" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_
"Satellite" Kicking Giant _Halo_
(part two)
"Satellite" Magnapop _Mouthfeel_
"Sputnik (Satellite Girl)" Jerry Engler & The Four Ekkos _That'll Flat Git It!, Vol. 6_
"Satellite # 2" Carl Mann _Carl Rocks!_
"Big Red Satellite" Hasil Adkins _The Wild Man_
"Sputnik's Down" Folk Implosion _Take A Look Inside_
"My House Is A Satellite" The Shapes _Songs For Sensible People_
"Mix Up The Satellites" Guided By Voices _Earthquake Glue_
"Explorer 1" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Satelllliiiiiteee" Flying Lotus _Cosmogramma_
"Space Junk" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_
"Satellites Like Butterflies" The June _Green Fields & Rain_
"Worry Satellite" South Ambulance _South Ambulance_
"Satellite" Luscious Jackson _In Search Of Manny_
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Whither Space Junk?
Today is the day of the official ninth anniversary of Self Help Radio, which went on the air with no incident & probably no listeners, on 91.7 fm, KOOP Austin. It was a Wednesday at 2pm. The first theme I did was "The War Show," since around that time then-president Hurk W. Burk was talking about war, war, war, with Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. I was certain my little radio show could bring peace. No, I wasn't.
Anyway, it's nine years later & the one consistency (besides the show's basic ineffectual nature) is that I've been doing theme after theme - something like over 360 of them - & only repeating myself on rare occasions, like this week. I've decided that on my anniversary shows I'll repeat an old theme & so I shall!
I did a show about "space junk" in January of 2004. I remember loving the idea but not having nearly enough songs about satellites, which are the predominant "junk" humans put in space. I played some songs about meteors & comets, but I wanted songs about Sputnik, damn it! & yeah, I forgot all about the Tornados' "Telstar." Not this time, though.
Tomorrow morning, then, at 7:30 am, celebrate nine years (it's the pottery anniversary) of Self Help Radio. In Lexington, it's on the 88.1 frequency, but you can listen anywhere at wrfl dot fm. & if you want to celebrate later, by yourself, with the windows down, I totally understand & I'll put the show up at the Self Help Radio website.
Remember, tomorrow I'm giving away Self Help Radio special ninth anniversary tee shirts designed by my logo's creator, Austin artist extraordinaire Suloni Robertson. I'll also be giving a couple of shirts away to people who "like" my Facebook page, if you won't be listening in real time.
But if you're listening in the morning, can you bring the cakes & booze? I'm bringing the space junk music, after all.
Anyway, it's nine years later & the one consistency (besides the show's basic ineffectual nature) is that I've been doing theme after theme - something like over 360 of them - & only repeating myself on rare occasions, like this week. I've decided that on my anniversary shows I'll repeat an old theme & so I shall!
I did a show about "space junk" in January of 2004. I remember loving the idea but not having nearly enough songs about satellites, which are the predominant "junk" humans put in space. I played some songs about meteors & comets, but I wanted songs about Sputnik, damn it! & yeah, I forgot all about the Tornados' "Telstar." Not this time, though.
Tomorrow morning, then, at 7:30 am, celebrate nine years (it's the pottery anniversary) of Self Help Radio. In Lexington, it's on the 88.1 frequency, but you can listen anywhere at wrfl dot fm. & if you want to celebrate later, by yourself, with the windows down, I totally understand & I'll put the show up at the Self Help Radio website.
Remember, tomorrow I'm giving away Self Help Radio special ninth anniversary tee shirts designed by my logo's creator, Austin artist extraordinaire Suloni Robertson. I'll also be giving a couple of shirts away to people who "like" my Facebook page, if you won't be listening in real time.
But if you're listening in the morning, can you bring the cakes & booze? I'm bringing the space junk music, after all.