Oh criminy crackers Self Help Radio's doing it again. Why couldn't Self Help Radio have a normal theme, something that's a noun. Not another phrase! "Everything is..." What could that possibly mean?
Do you know the number of perfectly good themes that Self Help Radio hasn't covered yet? It's gotta be a bazillion plus! What about "cars" or "rain" or some other simple type theme? People can get behind that shit! They might even like a show about "shit"! Well, the FCC probably wouldn't. What if it was "fecal matter"? There's sure a lot of shitty music out there!
That was a terrible joke but it was only as terrible as a theme that's a phrase. Remember when Self Help Radio did as a theme "Here he/she/it/you/they come(s)"? What a mess that was! People turned their radios off in disgust! Or turned to the new hip hop station. That's a good station. They don't even do "themes" there. They just play the hits!
Not Self Help Radio, no. Remember when Neil Young did that "It's Time For Themes! Radio Show"? He had themes like "work" & "famous people" & "Christmas." That's how radio shows with themes ought to be. It's too bad that guy stopped making those shows. Did he get fired? Can someone fire Self Help Radio?
Maybe Self Help Radio should do a show about getting fired! & quitting! Maybe it can air instead of "everything is..." They can play that song "Take This Job & Shove It." & other songs! What a great idea! Someone make Self Help Radio do that! Before everything is ruined!
Wait a second...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Happy Birthday To Me!
Today I am 44! Jesus Christ that's old! I never imagined I'd live to be forty-four. Do you want to know who else didn't make it past their forty-fourth year?
Robert Louis Stevenson.
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Billie Holiday.
Anton Chekhov.
D.H. Lawrence.
Jackson Pollock.
Stephen Vincent Benét.
Henry David Thoreau.
& Gerard Manley Hopkins.
Terrible losses, all. Still, if I don't make it through this year, I can at least know it's probably not because of tuberculosis, which took the lives of at least three of the folks up there. (Alcohol did most of the rest.)
Robert Louis Stevenson.
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Billie Holiday.
Anton Chekhov.
D.H. Lawrence.
Jackson Pollock.
Stephen Vincent Benét.
Henry David Thoreau.
& Gerard Manley Hopkins.
Terrible losses, all. Still, if I don't make it through this year, I can at least know it's probably not because of tuberculosis, which took the lives of at least three of the folks up there. (Alcohol did most of the rest.)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Blackout Drunk Blog
Just in case you were wondering why this blog (or selfhelpradio.net) wasn't blacked out yesterday during the day without internet, it's not that Self Help Radio supports the ridiculous SOPA & PIPA bills. It opposes them. Adamantly. Fervently.
It's just that the Self Help Radio website gets less than ten hits a day. This blog is lucky to get ten hits a week. It would have been an empty gesture to go black for a day when there's a better than average chance that no one would notice. It would've been far more powerful if Google had gone down for the day. Or reference sites for music lovers, like the All Music Guide. As usual, Wikipedia held the moral high ground.
As with most things in American politics, the greedheads are too obvious, & their stooges too willing to do anything for all that money. Some people choose to believe such corporate lackeys & their labored explanations for taking away the freedom built into the internet. Self Help Radio doesn't need those sorts of people to listen to its shows. The people who might enjoy this clumsy, stumbling radio program have almost certainly already helped out & let their representatives know how they felt. There's a link if you haven't yet.
Self Help Radio feels guilty it didn't stand in solidarity with the internet yesterday. It just really didn't think anyone would notice or care if it did.
It's just that the Self Help Radio website gets less than ten hits a day. This blog is lucky to get ten hits a week. It would have been an empty gesture to go black for a day when there's a better than average chance that no one would notice. It would've been far more powerful if Google had gone down for the day. Or reference sites for music lovers, like the All Music Guide. As usual, Wikipedia held the moral high ground.
As with most things in American politics, the greedheads are too obvious, & their stooges too willing to do anything for all that money. Some people choose to believe such corporate lackeys & their labored explanations for taking away the freedom built into the internet. Self Help Radio doesn't need those sorts of people to listen to its shows. The people who might enjoy this clumsy, stumbling radio program have almost certainly already helped out & let their representatives know how they felt. There's a link if you haven't yet.
Self Help Radio feels guilty it didn't stand in solidarity with the internet yesterday. It just really didn't think anyone would notice or care if it did.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Spirit Of '76
As you know, it's my birthday week, & every year on my birthday week, I use Self Help Radio as an excuse to go back in time & explore my favorite music from a particular year. I started in 1968, the year I was born, & have found my way now in 1976, America's bicentennial, when punk was saving rock & roll & scaring the bejebbus out of British people. Looking over the year I also managed to find some early new wave, some funky stuff, & even my favorite disco song of all time. I asked to have an extra thirty minutes for the show because so many songs were so damn long. I had to play the entire title track of Bowie's "Station To Station" because it's awesome.
The show is of course at the Self Help Radio web site where it sits in two lengthy parts, the contents of which are listed below. Part one is here. & then: Part two is here.
I was told by a caller that on this day in 1976 Peter Frampton released "Frampton Comes Alive." Alas, he did not make the list of my favorite music of the year. I did not feel like he felt.
Yes! A Peter Frampton joke! You heard me!
My apologies.
(part one)
"Station To Station" David Bowie _Station To Station_
"Amelia" Joni Mitchell _Hejira_
"Isis" Bob Dylan _Desire_
"Chrome Sitar" T.Rex _Futuristic Dragon_
"Let's Stick Together" Bryan Ferry _Let's Stick Together_
"I Like Girls" Sparks _Big Beat_
"X Offender" Blondie _Blondie_
"Heat Treatment" Graham Parker _Heat Treatment_
"Roadrunner" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
(part two)
"Final Solution" Pere Ubu _Final Solution_
"Blitzkrieg Bop" The Ramones _The Ramones_
"(I'm) Stranded" The Saints _(I'm) Stranded_
"New Rose" The Damned _New Rose_
"Anarchy In The UK" The Sex Pistols _Anarchy In The UK_
"Pastime Paradise" Stevie Wonder _Songs In The Key Of Life_
"Everything Is On The One" Parliament _The Clones Of Dr. Funkenstein_
"Get Up Offa That Thing (Release The Pressure)" James Brown _Get Up Offa That Thing_
"The Rubberband Man" The Spinners _Happiness Is The Spinners_
"More, More, More (Pt. 1)" Andrea True Connection _The Disco Years, Vol 1: Turn The Beat Around (1974-1978)_
"Important In Your Life" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers_
"I Want More" Can _Flow Motion_
"La Düsseldorf" La Düsseldorf _La Düsseldorf_
The show is of course at the Self Help Radio web site where it sits in two lengthy parts, the contents of which are listed below. Part one is here. & then: Part two is here.
I was told by a caller that on this day in 1976 Peter Frampton released "Frampton Comes Alive." Alas, he did not make the list of my favorite music of the year. I did not feel like he felt.
Yes! A Peter Frampton joke! You heard me!
My apologies.
(part one)
"Station To Station" David Bowie _Station To Station_
"Amelia" Joni Mitchell _Hejira_
"Isis" Bob Dylan _Desire_
"Chrome Sitar" T.Rex _Futuristic Dragon_
"Let's Stick Together" Bryan Ferry _Let's Stick Together_
"I Like Girls" Sparks _Big Beat_
"X Offender" Blondie _Blondie_
"Heat Treatment" Graham Parker _Heat Treatment_
"Roadrunner" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
(part two)
"Final Solution" Pere Ubu _Final Solution_
"Blitzkrieg Bop" The Ramones _The Ramones_
"(I'm) Stranded" The Saints _(I'm) Stranded_
"New Rose" The Damned _New Rose_
"Anarchy In The UK" The Sex Pistols _Anarchy In The UK_
"Pastime Paradise" Stevie Wonder _Songs In The Key Of Life_
"Everything Is On The One" Parliament _The Clones Of Dr. Funkenstein_
"Get Up Offa That Thing (Release The Pressure)" James Brown _Get Up Offa That Thing_
"The Rubberband Man" The Spinners _Happiness Is The Spinners_
"More, More, More (Pt. 1)" Andrea True Connection _The Disco Years, Vol 1: Turn The Beat Around (1974-1978)_
"Important In Your Life" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers_
"I Want More" Can _Flow Motion_
"La Düsseldorf" La Düsseldorf _La Düsseldorf_
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Whither 1976?
This week I will turn 44 years old, & since the beginning of Self Help Radio, on the show that happens on or before my birthday, I have gone back in time to explore my favorite music from a bygone year. I started at 1968, the year I was born, & have progressed one year with each year of the show. I have now reached - or will reach tomorrow - 1976.
In 1976 I had my first real contact with a disc jockey. I had already become obsessed with music. Certain songs, especially the ones with stories, intrigued me. At Christmas this year, I would receive my first album: Elton John's Greatest Hit, primarily for the song "Rocket Man."
But when I made contact with an actual radio station, it was this song I wanted to hear: Rhinestone Cowboy by Glenn Campbell. I remember asking my mother, while she was doing things as I sat on the floor listening to the radio, if I could call the radio station to request that song. The deejay had, after all, said the number several times. She said I could!
I called & requested the song. I remember being very surprised that the deejay himself answered. Even now, I get calls from people asking to speak to "the guy who was just on the radio." As if there's someone between the deejay & the listener. But not in 1976. He said he'd play it. I was ecstatic.
I waited for over forty minutes for the song. At one point, my mother yelled at me for turning the radio up too loud, but I had to go to the bathroom & had to keep listening. It seemed to me that the station played one or two songs more than once in that little span of time, but no "Rhinestone Cowboy." I don't recall whether I asked my mother for permission, but I called the deejay back.
I told him I had requested the song, & he had said that he'd play it, & that that had happened nearly an hour ago. Now, I obviously sounded like a little kid. I had a high voice & was all of eight years old. But the deejay lied to me. He said, "I just played it. You must have missed it."
I don't know if I already knew that adults could just lie to you like that - I come from a family of bullshitters, ones that are terrible at lying but do not let that stop them. But I was astonished that the man on the other end of the line could be so brazen. I had been listening faithfully for an hour, & he dismissed me.
What life lessons I took from this immediately, I don't know, but over time I became suspicious of fm radio. I remember - this is much later, when I was in my teens - even casually marking down, while I was doing homework, the songs that one station played over & over. Perhaps I was learning that it was a scam, & perhaps it made me appreciate non-commercial radio all the more when I finally discovered it.
Which reminds me: Self Help Radio is on one fine non-commerical radio station, WRFL, for two whole hours tomorrow. That's 88.1 fm on the dial, online at wrfl.fm. I know it's a holiday, so you can wait until it's archived at self help radio dot net if you want. But it's going to be all my favorite music from 1976, so why wait?
In 1976 I had my first real contact with a disc jockey. I had already become obsessed with music. Certain songs, especially the ones with stories, intrigued me. At Christmas this year, I would receive my first album: Elton John's Greatest Hit, primarily for the song "Rocket Man."
But when I made contact with an actual radio station, it was this song I wanted to hear: Rhinestone Cowboy by Glenn Campbell. I remember asking my mother, while she was doing things as I sat on the floor listening to the radio, if I could call the radio station to request that song. The deejay had, after all, said the number several times. She said I could!
I called & requested the song. I remember being very surprised that the deejay himself answered. Even now, I get calls from people asking to speak to "the guy who was just on the radio." As if there's someone between the deejay & the listener. But not in 1976. He said he'd play it. I was ecstatic.
I waited for over forty minutes for the song. At one point, my mother yelled at me for turning the radio up too loud, but I had to go to the bathroom & had to keep listening. It seemed to me that the station played one or two songs more than once in that little span of time, but no "Rhinestone Cowboy." I don't recall whether I asked my mother for permission, but I called the deejay back.
I told him I had requested the song, & he had said that he'd play it, & that that had happened nearly an hour ago. Now, I obviously sounded like a little kid. I had a high voice & was all of eight years old. But the deejay lied to me. He said, "I just played it. You must have missed it."
I don't know if I already knew that adults could just lie to you like that - I come from a family of bullshitters, ones that are terrible at lying but do not let that stop them. But I was astonished that the man on the other end of the line could be so brazen. I had been listening faithfully for an hour, & he dismissed me.
What life lessons I took from this immediately, I don't know, but over time I became suspicious of fm radio. I remember - this is much later, when I was in my teens - even casually marking down, while I was doing homework, the songs that one station played over & over. Perhaps I was learning that it was a scam, & perhaps it made me appreciate non-commercial radio all the more when I finally discovered it.
Which reminds me: Self Help Radio is on one fine non-commerical radio station, WRFL, for two whole hours tomorrow. That's 88.1 fm on the dial, online at wrfl.fm. I know it's a holiday, so you can wait until it's archived at self help radio dot net if you want. But it's going to be all my favorite music from 1976, so why wait?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Preface To 1976: Thugs Hangout Late
I was eight years old for three hundred & forty-six of 1976's three hundred & sixty-six days. (It was a leap year.) I was in second grade when it started, & lived at that time in an apartment complex on Kingsley Road in Garland, Texas, called the Lockwood Arms. (It's still there, but the name has changed. (I wrote about that place here.) We moved to another apartment complex a street over called Little Brook Apartments some time during the year. I was too young to know why we moved. I just know we did.
In our apartment at Little Brook was me, my little brother Chris, my sister Karin, & my older brothers Ralph & Steve. I'm not sure if Ralph was calling himself Ralph yet. His full name is James Ralph, but he started getting people to call him Ralph because everyone was calling him "Jamie," which I suppose seemed feminine to him. My oldest sister Pat & my oldest brother Eddie had already moved on. I believe both were married - Pat married that year. She & her husband got married in a civil ceremony at City Hall, so I wasn't invited to a wedding that year. The apartment had, if I recall correctly, three bedrooms & two bathrooms. Chris, Karin & I slept in one, Ralph & Steve in another, & Mom (& her boyfriend Ed) in the big one, which had the second bathroom. I remember the main bathroom did not have a lock that worked. That sucked. Lots of walking in on Gary doing number two!
I have many memories of Little Brook Apartments. It was close to my elementary school, Caldwell Elementary, so we walked there, rain or shine (more rain than shine in Garland, Texas) & hot or cold (more hot than cold). I had a couple of really good friends there, & I even remember being more than smitten with a girl - but I can't remember her name now. The property at the time was fenced on three sides (the front was open) but the area behind it was empty & there were a couple of abandoned, dilapidated houses which, when we discovered them, seemed like heaven to us, but we were told not to go to them by our mother & because I suppose we (I mean me & my little brother, we were inseparable then) were obedient, we didn't go back. The area behind the apartments was a dirt bike & go-kart trail, & once my little brother stepped into a fire ant hill & had an allergic reaction. I remember crying & thinking he was going to die.
Across Cranford Road was an empty load with pecan trees. One of the few memories I have of my father was him walking with us to a convenience store on Kingsley Road, called the Time Saver (which would figure heavily in my teen years), & showing me which pecans were good to eat. He was most definitely drunk at the time, but I didn't know that.
The place is still called the Little Brook Apartments, which means it's had the same name for probably as long as I've been alive. It even still sort of looks the same, although it used to be brown:
The apartment is now in a "bad part of town," which means, in Texas, it's predominantly poor & Hispanic. You can read a few bad "reviews" of the place here. I am especially fond of the comment, "Thugs hangout late roaming the Cranford St."
I have a particularly happy memory from that place. The apartment was a little under a half mile from train tracks, & every morning about six-thirty - usually when I would wake up to get ready to go to school - a train would come by. I learned to wake up to that train. Especially on sunny mornings, it seemed so nice to know this train was passing by regularly, & I would always wake up to it.
I remember throwing away old comics at that apartment. Bad Gary! I also had a terrible experience with a disc jockey at that apartment - but I'll tell that story tomorrow.
In our apartment at Little Brook was me, my little brother Chris, my sister Karin, & my older brothers Ralph & Steve. I'm not sure if Ralph was calling himself Ralph yet. His full name is James Ralph, but he started getting people to call him Ralph because everyone was calling him "Jamie," which I suppose seemed feminine to him. My oldest sister Pat & my oldest brother Eddie had already moved on. I believe both were married - Pat married that year. She & her husband got married in a civil ceremony at City Hall, so I wasn't invited to a wedding that year. The apartment had, if I recall correctly, three bedrooms & two bathrooms. Chris, Karin & I slept in one, Ralph & Steve in another, & Mom (& her boyfriend Ed) in the big one, which had the second bathroom. I remember the main bathroom did not have a lock that worked. That sucked. Lots of walking in on Gary doing number two!
I have many memories of Little Brook Apartments. It was close to my elementary school, Caldwell Elementary, so we walked there, rain or shine (more rain than shine in Garland, Texas) & hot or cold (more hot than cold). I had a couple of really good friends there, & I even remember being more than smitten with a girl - but I can't remember her name now. The property at the time was fenced on three sides (the front was open) but the area behind it was empty & there were a couple of abandoned, dilapidated houses which, when we discovered them, seemed like heaven to us, but we were told not to go to them by our mother & because I suppose we (I mean me & my little brother, we were inseparable then) were obedient, we didn't go back. The area behind the apartments was a dirt bike & go-kart trail, & once my little brother stepped into a fire ant hill & had an allergic reaction. I remember crying & thinking he was going to die.
Across Cranford Road was an empty load with pecan trees. One of the few memories I have of my father was him walking with us to a convenience store on Kingsley Road, called the Time Saver (which would figure heavily in my teen years), & showing me which pecans were good to eat. He was most definitely drunk at the time, but I didn't know that.
The place is still called the Little Brook Apartments, which means it's had the same name for probably as long as I've been alive. It even still sort of looks the same, although it used to be brown:
The apartment is now in a "bad part of town," which means, in Texas, it's predominantly poor & Hispanic. You can read a few bad "reviews" of the place here. I am especially fond of the comment, "Thugs hangout late roaming the Cranford St."
I have a particularly happy memory from that place. The apartment was a little under a half mile from train tracks, & every morning about six-thirty - usually when I would wake up to get ready to go to school - a train would come by. I learned to wake up to that train. Especially on sunny mornings, it seemed so nice to know this train was passing by regularly, & I would always wake up to it.
I remember throwing away old comics at that apartment. Bad Gary! I also had a terrible experience with a disc jockey at that apartment - but I'll tell that story tomorrow.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Raise This Profile
Today is January 13, 2012, the fest day of St. Glaphyra, a popular saint among the chaste, wherever they may be.
The little boy downstairs is listening to the blues. The neighbor bums him out by telling him it's a dying art form.
In this holiday season everyone from everything & everyone expects only the best, most honest & sincere. The devil in front of the newspaper editor began to open long-faded pictures of his origins & sentenced him to write some 35 years.
But the story actually goes far past the 20th century, which was carried out in tents & vaudeville on South America with a strong tendency of migration to the north.
Of course, even today, the situation has not changed significantly, but the possibilities of affirmation are now much higher & that is, they inevitably open doors.
The little boy screams at the negative neighbor, "If you thought you heard all the blues, you are terribly wrong!"
Quiet, calm, fully relaxed without any euphoria & some additional stimulus, no fan preferences pure heart & good conscience.
Stop now! It's cold. Go, go & make a cake for your wife!
The little boy downstairs is listening to the blues. The neighbor bums him out by telling him it's a dying art form.
In this holiday season everyone from everything & everyone expects only the best, most honest & sincere. The devil in front of the newspaper editor began to open long-faded pictures of his origins & sentenced him to write some 35 years.
But the story actually goes far past the 20th century, which was carried out in tents & vaudeville on South America with a strong tendency of migration to the north.
Of course, even today, the situation has not changed significantly, but the possibilities of affirmation are now much higher & that is, they inevitably open doors.
The little boy screams at the negative neighbor, "If you thought you heard all the blues, you are terribly wrong!"
Quiet, calm, fully relaxed without any euphoria & some additional stimulus, no fan preferences pure heart & good conscience.
Stop now! It's cold. Go, go & make a cake for your wife!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hello, Snow!
January twelfth is the time & day when it first snowed in earnest in Lexington, Kentucky, in twenty twelve (2012). It rained a bit, then it snowed. It snowed a bit, then it snowed. It was all quite lovely.
The Almanac said, "Snow, then snow showers, cold." Tomorrow, it will be, "Sprinkles, very mild." The poor snow, come all this way to just be sprinkled off.
Science has confirmed (inasmuch as science "confirms" anything) that no two snowflakes are alike. You can catch one in your hand (but better if it's on your glove) & marvel at its crystal beauty.
You may need a guide to snowflake types. This is not available in the Almanac which, as has been demonstrated, treats the snow with scorn. "Sprinkles, very mild," sounds more like an order at a restaurant than a weather prediction!
Can you imagine, some folks even ask the question is the Farmer's Almanac accurate?
Does tell those farmers that the word "almanac" comes from the Arabic al manakh, which means calendar!
The Almanac said, "Snow, then snow showers, cold." Tomorrow, it will be, "Sprinkles, very mild." The poor snow, come all this way to just be sprinkled off.
Science has confirmed (inasmuch as science "confirms" anything) that no two snowflakes are alike. You can catch one in your hand (but better if it's on your glove) & marvel at its crystal beauty.
You may need a guide to snowflake types. This is not available in the Almanac which, as has been demonstrated, treats the snow with scorn. "Sprinkles, very mild," sounds more like an order at a restaurant than a weather prediction!
Can you imagine, some folks even ask the question is the Farmer's Almanac accurate?
Does tell those farmers that the word "almanac" comes from the Arabic al manakh, which means calendar!
Monday, January 09, 2012
Gray Or Grey?
Is it gray or is it grey? On a gray day in Lexington, Self Help Radio taught a city how to properly spell the word for an unassuming color & then reported on what people thought the color meant. (For example, it "unsettles," but also "creates expectations," perhaps for unsettling things.) & lots of songs about the color & things of its color were played, all in grayscale. (What a terrible pun. I couldn't resist.)
The show has rested on the graying Self Help Radio website, but it is in two parts, gray part one & gray part two. What's in each part is listed below. Will the show make you gray? It certainly has made me gray.
(part one)
"Grey" Ken Nordine _Colors_
"Grey" Witches _Forever_
"Grey" New Young Pony Club _Fantastic Playroom_
"Gray Goose" Leadbelly _Midnight Special_
"Ofay & Oxford Gray" Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five _The Hoy Hoy Collection: Rock Before Elvis!_
"When You Are Old & Gray" Tom Lehrer _The Remains Of Tom Lehrer_
"Blue Turns To Grey" The Rolling Stones _December's Children (& Everybody's)_
"Here Come The People In Grey" The Kinks _Muswell Hillbillies_
"Turning Grey" The Boys _The Boys_
"White & Grey" Math & Physics Club _Movie Ending Romance_
"This Is Green, This Is Grey" Spearmint _Airpop Terminal 2_
"Grey Cell Green" Ned's Atomic Dustbin _The Brit Box: UK Indie, Shoegaze, & Brit-Pop Gems Of The Last Millennium_
(part two)
"Grey Lagoons" Roxy Music _For Your Pleasure_
"Fade To Grey" Visage _The Edge Of The Eighties_
"All Cats Are Grey" The Cure _Faith_
"All Cats Are Grey" Cleaners From Venus _Back From The Cleaners_
"Girl With Grey Eyes" Big Country _Steeltown_
"Grey Skies" Secret Shine _Fountain Island_
"Grey Flannelette" Jazz Butcher _In Bath Of Bacon_
"Wrapped In Grey" XTC _Nonsuch_
"Grey Day" Madness _7_
"Grey-Eyed Lie" Belmondo _Project: Echo_
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Whither Grey/Gray?
Sez the wikipedia, "In photography & computing, a grayscale or greyscale digital image is an image in which the value of each pixel is a single sample, that is, it carries only intensity information. Images of this sort, also known as black-&-white, are composed exclusively of shades of gray, varying from black at the weakest intensity to white at the strongest."
There was a time when the entire world was shades of grey (or gray), as is discussed in this important historical document:
(You can click to make it bigger.)
Self Help Radio turns gray tomorrow at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen anywhere online at wrfl dot fm. & it'll settle into its grayness later at self help radio dot net. Listen in!
There was a time when the entire world was shades of grey (or gray), as is discussed in this important historical document:
(You can click to make it bigger.)
Self Help Radio turns gray tomorrow at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen anywhere online at wrfl dot fm. & it'll settle into its grayness later at self help radio dot net. Listen in!
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Preface To Grey/Gray: Does Gray Matter?
Does gray matter? Or is it grey matter?
The wikipedia spells it grey matter & points out, as people who have seen the movie Hannibal know, that "in living tissue, grey matter actually has a grey-brown color, which comes from capillary blood vessels & neuronal cell bodies." But "grey-brown matter" sounds a little like something that might be hurked up after a night of binge drinking, or something someone might find in one's trousers after they had sharted, usually during a night of binge drinking.
Of course, people have wondered what does grey matter taste like? As someone who doesn't eat any animal products, I can't even imagine, but many humans have eaten other animals' brains for millenia, & apparently you can even buy pork brains in milk gravy at the supermarket. Poor little pigs!
I don't know how old we've been using this term for the brain, but the Latin, substantia grisea, does indeed mean "grey substance," or, "grey matter" as a pretty good translation. No one online wants to tell me when the word came into English, & if it came as a translation of the Latin.
I thought grey matter mattered more than that!
The wikipedia spells it grey matter & points out, as people who have seen the movie Hannibal know, that "in living tissue, grey matter actually has a grey-brown color, which comes from capillary blood vessels & neuronal cell bodies." But "grey-brown matter" sounds a little like something that might be hurked up after a night of binge drinking, or something someone might find in one's trousers after they had sharted, usually during a night of binge drinking.
Of course, people have wondered what does grey matter taste like? As someone who doesn't eat any animal products, I can't even imagine, but many humans have eaten other animals' brains for millenia, & apparently you can even buy pork brains in milk gravy at the supermarket. Poor little pigs!
I don't know how old we've been using this term for the brain, but the Latin, substantia grisea, does indeed mean "grey substance," or, "grey matter" as a pretty good translation. No one online wants to tell me when the word came into English, & if it came as a translation of the Latin.
I thought grey matter mattered more than that!
Friday, January 06, 2012
A Complete History Of American Fight Songs
Rah rah rah! said the placard in front of the unassuming building two doors down from a home town hardware store. In this particular edifice, it is said, are contained vaults filled with recordings, sheet music, &, perhaps inevitably, pom poms of every conceivable fluff & color.
The docents have all gone home or retired. There are no cheers emanating from the Museum Of The American Fight Song. Not even the junkies who stand sadly by the giant dumpster know when last it was opened to the public. It is not easy, says one, to cop in such a place.
Across the street is a bar, The Fartknocker, not the most popular place in town. The clientele is virtually nonexistent. To discover it is actually named after someone - Elvis Thibauld Fartknocker the Third - Third! - turns more people away than you might expect. Mr. Fartknocker explains the museum's dilemma:
"They are another victim of the Islamo-Zionist-Feminazi plan to take over our popular sports," he says.
Three New York Times reporters were suspended without pay for not vetting Mr. Fartknocker who, it turns out, is a really awful person & a big smelly racist no matter what his lawyers say we can or cannot say. Racist! Racist! Racists suck!
But did racism do in the Museum Of The American Fight Song? Or was it, as a drunken plumber suggested at the bar, a series of frozen pipes unrepaired after last year's terrible winter?
We may never know. Calls to the museum were unreturned. No one answered the door. The posted hours were not honored. They wouldn't accept a friend request on Facebook. We stayed outside the building for two whole days but no one came in or out. The light over the "exit" sign burned out & no one replaced it.
To be continued?
The docents have all gone home or retired. There are no cheers emanating from the Museum Of The American Fight Song. Not even the junkies who stand sadly by the giant dumpster know when last it was opened to the public. It is not easy, says one, to cop in such a place.
Across the street is a bar, The Fartknocker, not the most popular place in town. The clientele is virtually nonexistent. To discover it is actually named after someone - Elvis Thibauld Fartknocker the Third - Third! - turns more people away than you might expect. Mr. Fartknocker explains the museum's dilemma:
"They are another victim of the Islamo-Zionist-Feminazi plan to take over our popular sports," he says.
Three New York Times reporters were suspended without pay for not vetting Mr. Fartknocker who, it turns out, is a really awful person & a big smelly racist no matter what his lawyers say we can or cannot say. Racist! Racist! Racists suck!
But did racism do in the Museum Of The American Fight Song? Or was it, as a drunken plumber suggested at the bar, a series of frozen pipes unrepaired after last year's terrible winter?
We may never know. Calls to the museum were unreturned. No one answered the door. The posted hours were not honored. They wouldn't accept a friend request on Facebook. We stayed outside the building for two whole days but no one came in or out. The light over the "exit" sign burned out & no one replaced it.
To be continued?
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Monday, January 02, 2012
The Long Way Around
No, you're not tripping. After a season where many take trips home for the holidays or trips away from bad weather, Self Help Radio has chosen to talk about trips. It is, however, cheaper than most trips & you don't have to wait in line at all.
The show is waiting on the top platform at self help radio dot net. The show has two legs - er - two parts - sorry, I'm still thinking in traveling terms. The first part of the show is in this unpacked bag & the second part of the show is in this packed bag. The items in the manifest are listed below.
Enjoy your trip!
(part one)
"The Trip" Dave Mitchell & The Screamers _All Night Soul Stomp! Dancefloor Boogaloo Romp!_
"Let's Take A Trip" Jonathan Richman _It's Time For Jonathan Richman_
"Hard Travelin'" Woody Guthrie _Hard Travelin': The Asch Recordings, Vol. 3_
"African Trip" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Thee Olde Trip To Jerusalem" The Mekons _OOOH!_
"My Trip To Asia" Oh Sweet Music! _Series Two Compilation Vol. 1_
"Siamese Couplets" Guild League _Private Transport_
"Honey Moon Trip To Mars" Jack Tucker _Rocket Ship_
"Travel Agent" Monty Python _Monty Python's Previous Record_
"Chartered Trips" Hüsker Dü _Zen Arcade_
"Travelling Man" The Woodentops _Giant_
(part two)
"Day Tripper" Swingle Singers _Ticket To Ride: A Beatles Tribute_
"Trip To Your Heart" Sly & The Family Stone _Whole New Thing_
"The Trip" Kim Fowley _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 2_
"The Trip" Donovan _Troubador: The Definitie Collection 1964 - 1976_
"Trip On Me" The Forum _The River Is Wide_
"Bad Trip" Lee Fields _Problems_
"Mobius Trip" H.P. Lovecraft _H.P. Lovecraft/H.P. Lovecraft II_
"Pat-Trip Dispenser" The Fall _The Wonderful & Frightening World Of The Fall_
"Tracy Took A Trip" Executive _Rubbles Vol. 1_
"Take A Trip" Dirtbombs Vs. King Khan & His Shrines _Billiards At Nine Thirty_
"Bad Trip" Auntie Christ _Life Could Be A Dream_
"Essential Wear For Future Trips To Space" Ballboy _Club Anthems_
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Whither Trips?
I am not planning any trips in the near future, except for the show. Instead, I am planning to spend the first part of the year mimicking ants.
This will be difficult, since I have only four legs (counting my arms as legs). Also, I am several hundred times larger than the average ant, & will doubtless be considered a threat when I try to burrow into their hills. Clearly, I need to practice being an ant before I attempt to mimic one in the wild.
I know what you're thinking. When I was practicing camouflage in early 2011, in order to blend in with the natives of Lexington, I failed miserably. I didn't know that cheetos & cigarettes would be required in such abundance. My cholesterol shot up. I chose instead to be shunned.
But it made sense for me to want to mimic the human beings here in Lexington. I live here! Why ants? Well, there are doubtless many good reasons to mimic ants, & as soon as I get these antennae on, I will think of some. Also, it may be hard to find an anthill in the winter. No matter! I am on my way!
Shall I be a worker or a queen?
Listen tomorrow to Self Help Radio from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington for songs about trips, including (but probably not) songs about the trips ants make. Are you not in Lexington? You can listen at wrfl dot fm on the internet. Are you not happening in real time? Then you can listen later at self help radio dot net. Ants dig it!
(I hope.)
This will be difficult, since I have only four legs (counting my arms as legs). Also, I am several hundred times larger than the average ant, & will doubtless be considered a threat when I try to burrow into their hills. Clearly, I need to practice being an ant before I attempt to mimic one in the wild.
I know what you're thinking. When I was practicing camouflage in early 2011, in order to blend in with the natives of Lexington, I failed miserably. I didn't know that cheetos & cigarettes would be required in such abundance. My cholesterol shot up. I chose instead to be shunned.
But it made sense for me to want to mimic the human beings here in Lexington. I live here! Why ants? Well, there are doubtless many good reasons to mimic ants, & as soon as I get these antennae on, I will think of some. Also, it may be hard to find an anthill in the winter. No matter! I am on my way!
Shall I be a worker or a queen?
Listen tomorrow to Self Help Radio from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington for songs about trips, including (but probably not) songs about the trips ants make. Are you not in Lexington? You can listen at wrfl dot fm on the internet. Are you not happening in real time? Then you can listen later at self help radio dot net. Ants dig it!
(I hope.)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Preface To Trips: Year End Accounting
If it turns out anyone has actually read this blog, he or she will know that I love to count things. Dumb things, like the number of posts in the blog, & also the number of radio shows I've done. I like to keep most of them to myself - but since it's the end of 2011, I thought I post this little bit of number crunching.
(Note: no numbers have actually been crunched.)
In 2011, I did (according to my count) 149 radio shows. That means roughly one radio show every two & a half days. That's a lot of radio, I know. In a different world, I'd be punished for it.
But is that number correct? It certainly didn't seem to me that I've been up at the station every three days. It turns out that when I counted my radio shows, I didn't take into account the fact that I tend to do two radio shows in a three hour period - Sugar Substitute for ninety minutes, then Self Help Radio for the same. So if I add that to my calculations, I did 94 shows in 2011 - which is still a lot, or a show about every four days.
As for Self Help Radio, there were 49 episodes this year. I'm not entirely sure where I was during some of those weeks - I thought I had taken just two weeks off this year.
What a lot of radio though! My word!
(Note: no numbers have actually been crunched.)
In 2011, I did (according to my count) 149 radio shows. That means roughly one radio show every two & a half days. That's a lot of radio, I know. In a different world, I'd be punished for it.
But is that number correct? It certainly didn't seem to me that I've been up at the station every three days. It turns out that when I counted my radio shows, I didn't take into account the fact that I tend to do two radio shows in a three hour period - Sugar Substitute for ninety minutes, then Self Help Radio for the same. So if I add that to my calculations, I did 94 shows in 2011 - which is still a lot, or a show about every four days.
As for Self Help Radio, there were 49 episodes this year. I'm not entirely sure where I was during some of those weeks - I thought I had taken just two weeks off this year.
What a lot of radio though! My word!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Once More, Near The End Of The Year
I met a man with a sore on his foot. I could not, myself, see the foot. I could only hear the sore.
"That's some sore, sir," I told the man, who was old & could no longer wince.
"Sorcerer?" he said superciliously, which I took super-sillily.
"Does it often sound as sad, your sore?" I asked once more.
He told me a story, which he bade me not to tell, but I will tell, now that his own tale is told.
He said, "I once was a titan, a leader of men. I led some women too, but only astray. The men I led were men of iron, not of lead, & they followed me to the end. The end of the street. They went to their one-room shacks on the right, I went to my mansion on the left. It was a company town. But that night I did not want company. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to eat alone. I wanted to sleep alone. I wanted to remind myself that I was a lone wolf."
I said, "Was this before or after the present day?"
He continued, "Night came & went, & still I was alone. But now I no longer wanted it. I wanted to hear the bells of the factory & the whistles of the church bells. I wanted to be reminded of Emma, now long forgotten, whose life had so nearly touched mine. Or of Emma, Emma's cousin, with the same, unfortunate name, who to this day runs a mile & a half every morning just to wake up. Her alarm clock, you see, is a mile & a half away."
I said, "I can't hear over the soaring score of your sore!"
He waved a dismissive hand. "The more I grew aware of my surroundings the less I cared about the mansion, the men I led, the place from whence we all came. Instead, I had to go where I was certain I could be more or less myself. So I went to Mysore."
"Your sore?"
"Mysore," he said, "in India. Though it's a lovely city - second in size only to Bangalore - & rated the second cleanest city in India in 2010 - it turned out to be a terrible chore. I could not find myself in Mysore."
"But," I asked, "did you find your sore in Mysore?"
"Young man, your sore is not as loud as my sore, nor (I might add) is it as loud as Mysore, which is a great city of nearly a million inhabitants, all with something to say."
I was late for writing this blog entry so I became impatient. I suddenly realized the man was an outpatient.
"You have been treated for your sore!" I said triumphantly. "& now you are returning home."
"Alas," said the man, as his sore made a low moan, "the story is never that simple."
"Humor me," I said phlegmatically.
"I will not humor you!" he said with bile.
"Then you leave me no choice," I said. "I will ask the sore!"
To the sore I swore I would say no more. Do not implore nor explore this lore! I cannot ignore the roar of your esprit de corps, but though I am done for, I'll underscore the origin's core: it was something of a bore.
"That's some sore, sir," I told the man, who was old & could no longer wince.
"Sorcerer?" he said superciliously, which I took super-sillily.
"Does it often sound as sad, your sore?" I asked once more.
He told me a story, which he bade me not to tell, but I will tell, now that his own tale is told.
He said, "I once was a titan, a leader of men. I led some women too, but only astray. The men I led were men of iron, not of lead, & they followed me to the end. The end of the street. They went to their one-room shacks on the right, I went to my mansion on the left. It was a company town. But that night I did not want company. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to eat alone. I wanted to sleep alone. I wanted to remind myself that I was a lone wolf."
I said, "Was this before or after the present day?"
He continued, "Night came & went, & still I was alone. But now I no longer wanted it. I wanted to hear the bells of the factory & the whistles of the church bells. I wanted to be reminded of Emma, now long forgotten, whose life had so nearly touched mine. Or of Emma, Emma's cousin, with the same, unfortunate name, who to this day runs a mile & a half every morning just to wake up. Her alarm clock, you see, is a mile & a half away."
I said, "I can't hear over the soaring score of your sore!"
He waved a dismissive hand. "The more I grew aware of my surroundings the less I cared about the mansion, the men I led, the place from whence we all came. Instead, I had to go where I was certain I could be more or less myself. So I went to Mysore."
"Your sore?"
"Mysore," he said, "in India. Though it's a lovely city - second in size only to Bangalore - & rated the second cleanest city in India in 2010 - it turned out to be a terrible chore. I could not find myself in Mysore."
"But," I asked, "did you find your sore in Mysore?"
"Young man, your sore is not as loud as my sore, nor (I might add) is it as loud as Mysore, which is a great city of nearly a million inhabitants, all with something to say."
I was late for writing this blog entry so I became impatient. I suddenly realized the man was an outpatient.
"You have been treated for your sore!" I said triumphantly. "& now you are returning home."
"Alas," said the man, as his sore made a low moan, "the story is never that simple."
"Humor me," I said phlegmatically.
"I will not humor you!" he said with bile.
"Then you leave me no choice," I said. "I will ask the sore!"
To the sore I swore I would say no more. Do not implore nor explore this lore! I cannot ignore the roar of your esprit de corps, but though I am done for, I'll underscore the origin's core: it was something of a bore.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Live! From Planet X!
The oldest surviving dance form in India is called Odissi. The oldest non-surviving dance form in India does not have a name yet. We're working on it.
The spaceship left for Planet X sometime in the morning from a farmhouse in County Donegal, Ireland. The passengers, if you want to call them that, were not in the least bit Irish. There was an element of bad planning.
In the spirit of romance, he wanted to name a lunar impact crater for her, only to discover that they were all named, & have been for some time. Therefore, he argued that the logical step would be for her to change her name to that of an existing lunar impact crater. He suggested Inghirami.
Meanwhile, on the way to Planet X, the space toilet gets clogged up. Everyone blames Barnes.
To understand the next part of our tale, please familiarize yourself with the effects of human exposure to vacuum.
Our heroes may return to find their planet reduced to a feudal state.
The entire adventure, I am told, will be performed a cappella by several college singing groups in competition. A well-known but possibly washed-up director with his screenwriter pal Jimmy has already purchased the rights.
(What you've all been waiting for) Live! From Planet X! They answer the door! They're invited in! It's very nice! & classy! (That's a surprise!)
The new motto: "We'll Show YOU A Good Time On Planet X!"
The spaceship left for Planet X sometime in the morning from a farmhouse in County Donegal, Ireland. The passengers, if you want to call them that, were not in the least bit Irish. There was an element of bad planning.
In the spirit of romance, he wanted to name a lunar impact crater for her, only to discover that they were all named, & have been for some time. Therefore, he argued that the logical step would be for her to change her name to that of an existing lunar impact crater. He suggested Inghirami.
Meanwhile, on the way to Planet X, the space toilet gets clogged up. Everyone blames Barnes.
To understand the next part of our tale, please familiarize yourself with the effects of human exposure to vacuum.
Our heroes may return to find their planet reduced to a feudal state.
The entire adventure, I am told, will be performed a cappella by several college singing groups in competition. A well-known but possibly washed-up director with his screenwriter pal Jimmy has already purchased the rights.
(What you've all been waiting for) Live! From Planet X! They answer the door! They're invited in! It's very nice! & classy! (That's a surprise!)
The new motto: "We'll Show YOU A Good Time On Planet X!"
Monday, December 26, 2011
Indiepop A To Z Continued
Oooo, so close! Three songs away from finishing the indiepop Gs!
Today I shanghaied my freeform pop show, Sugar Substitute, to play three hours of indiepop in alphabetical order, from Gold-Bears to Guild League, in my foolish, ridiculous, OCD-driven plan to catalog indiepop bands, musicians, & influences. Maybe I'll never finish this, but it's sure fun trying.
The shows are available at the Self Help Radio website, but below are direct links to each show (they're both in two parts), & below the below there's a list of the songs in each part. Feel free to yell at me for missing a band or artist that's important. After a while, poring over lists, thinking too hard, my brain turns to twee & mush.
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part II
Thanks for listening! Self Help Radio returns to random themes next week!
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part I
"Tally" Gold-Bears _Are You Falling In Love?_
"George Hamilton's Dead" The Golden Dawn _Air Balloon Road_
"Now I Hear The Train" The Golden Rule _The Golden Rule EP_
"My Life Is Like A Stanley Knife (Cut, Cut, Cut)" Golden Strings _Split 7" with Buy Off The Bar_
"A Summer Escape" Golden Teardrops _A Summer Escape_
"Wherever" Goldstoned _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Virtually Happy" Golightly Holly _The Good Things_
"Rose" The Good Natured _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation 2009_
"We Are Not The Same" Good Shoes _Think Before You Speak_
"First One On The Beach" Goodnight Monsters _Summer Challenge_
"Dancing Shoes" Goof _C06_
"Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows" Lesley Gore _Sunshine, Lollipops & Rainbows: The Best Of Lesley Gore_
"Young Girls & Happy Endings" Gorky's Zygotic Mynci _Barafundle_
Indiepop A To Z # 34 Part II
"Automobile (with Tracyanne Campbell)" Gospel Music _Duettes EP_
"We Are The Gothic Archies" Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From A Series Of Unfortunate Events_
"I'm Used Now" Grab Grab The Haddock _Three Songs By Grab Grab The Haddock_
"Bad Days Must End" Gradapenda Rosindale _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol 5_
"Song 18" Grandrapids _Symphony For Heartbreak - US Pop Life Vol. 9: Seattle/Portland_
"Baby In A Plastic Bag" Grape _Baby In A Plastic Bag_
"Breaks My Heart" Grapes Of Wrath _September Bowl Of Green_
"St. George's Way" The Gravy Train _St. George's Way 7"_
"We Say No" Great Aunt Ida _How They Fly_
"Amen" Great Chefs Of Europe _Amen_
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part I
"A Little Touched" Great Lakes _Great Lakes_
"All I Could Do" Great Outdoors _World At My Shoes 7"_
"Head In The Clouds" The Great Outdoors _Head In The Clouds_
"Letter To A Fanzine" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-89_
"Hold Onto The Rail" The Great Unwashed _Clean Out Of Our Minds_
"Jessica" Adam Green _Friends Of Mine_
"I'm Gonna Stay With Her" Pete Green _Platform Zero EP_
"Summer's On" The Green Fields _Melodies For Afternoon_
"Kim The Waitress" Green Pajamas _Indian Winter_
"I Get It!" Green Peppers _Ave Marina: Ten Years Of Marina Records_
"The Millionth Lovesong" Greenhouse _Knowing Where It All Leeds_
Indiepop A To Z # 35 Part II
"Philco" Grenadine _Goya_
"Faces" Greyhound Green _Baby I'm Yours_
"Just A Silly Phase I'm Going Through" The Groove Farm _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 2_
"Innocent Yuppie" The Groove Machine _Try A Little Sunshine: A Greek Indiepop Compilation_
"Summer" The Grooveyard _Uncle Arthur's Pop Parlour_
"Andy Watch Out!" Paul Groovy & The Pop Art Experience _Andy Watch Out!_
"Of All The Girls In The World" The Groovy Cellar _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_
"You Make My Head Explode" The Groovy Little Numbers _You Make My Head Explode 12"_
"Don't Wake The Dead" Guards _Guards EP_
"Cucurucho" Guatafán _Cucurucho_
"I Am A Scientist" Guided By Voices _Bee Thousand_
"Citronella" The Guild League _Inner North_
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 34 - 35?
It's true! Tomorrow Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute are teaming up to continue the Indiepop A To Z series!
When we last left the foolish, interminable attempt to be comprehensive, we were still in the Gs... We finished with the Gol Gappas, which can only mean bands with "gold" in their name can't be far behind! (Actually, they're right behind. We're starting with Atlanta's Gold-Bears.)
Spoiler Alert!
I did that too late, didn't I?
I have fifty songs in my head right now which will take us to the end of the Gs. Will one hundred eighty minutes be enough time to get through them all? You'll have to listen to find out!
Remember, Indiepop A To Z # 34 airs on Sugar Substitute from 6am to 7:30am, while Indiepop A To Z # 35 airs on Self Help Radio from 7:30am to 9am. You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 fm or online at wrfl dot fm. The shows will be archived - as are virtually all of the indiepop a to z shows, later at the Self Help Radio website.
Fans of indiepop, alphabetization &/or OCD behavior - I'll see you tomorrow!
When we last left the foolish, interminable attempt to be comprehensive, we were still in the Gs... We finished with the Gol Gappas, which can only mean bands with "gold" in their name can't be far behind! (Actually, they're right behind. We're starting with Atlanta's Gold-Bears.)
Spoiler Alert!
I did that too late, didn't I?
I have fifty songs in my head right now which will take us to the end of the Gs. Will one hundred eighty minutes be enough time to get through them all? You'll have to listen to find out!
Remember, Indiepop A To Z # 34 airs on Sugar Substitute from 6am to 7:30am, while Indiepop A To Z # 35 airs on Self Help Radio from 7:30am to 9am. You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 fm or online at wrfl dot fm. The shows will be archived - as are virtually all of the indiepop a to z shows, later at the Self Help Radio website.
Fans of indiepop, alphabetization &/or OCD behavior - I'll see you tomorrow!