Preface To I Don't Know: I Don't Know Why I'm So Tired

Could it be because over the past six days I've travelled nearly two thousand miles?

In addition to listening to a lot of music on the drive, I took the advice of the Onion AV Club & listened to a few of what they considered the best podcasts of 2011. It turns out they had some good recommendations.

The wife enjoyed most of all Marc Maron's WTF Podcast, despite not really knowing a lot of the folks he was talking to. I think it's really fun to listen to, because he seems to truly enjoy talking to the people he interviews. How come no one's thought about doing this on a television show?

My personal favorite - despite the wife's assertion that these guys are funnier than the Firesign Theater, which borders on blasphemy - was the Superego podcast. I laughed so much my face hurt.

I also really enjoyed the Bugle, which is very British & very much in the same spirit as shows like Black Adder.

One great thing about all these podcasts is how much fun everyone is having. People should crack each other up more. People who can make people laugh are probably the greatest people on the planet.

Should I mention the podcasts that I should have enjoyed but didn't? Or is it obvious, since I just mentioned those three but the Onion recommended more? Will I have time to continue following all of these?

Answers: No, Maybe, God I Hope So.

Several case studies involving drivers in the deepish South

As older I get & grumpier I tend, driving seems more wearisome & drivers more douchebaggerish. Can you please point me to important scientific studies which prove that dickhead drivers who super-speed get more speeding tickets per capita than we who speed only when it's safe?

I still believe the worstest drivers in the states in which I've habited are from Kentucky, & I of course have suffered most of my life with the randomness & recklessness that characterize the average Texas driver. (One big difference: Texas drivers use their turn signals.). But there is a case to be made for the ineptitude that is the Arkansas bobbler (for in Arkansas, they do not drive but bobble), & even more of a case for the driver who, several states away from their home, fare worse on the high speed highway than the average driving school student with a head cold.

May I also mention the esteemed trucker, whose lumbering vehicle & long-haul perspective ought to give him or (less likely) her a greater patience & wisdom when it comes to navigating this nation's congested two lane highways? Why such assholery? You are taking better drugs than I can while driving; you can kill virtually anything on the road; & you are basically driving in your own home - why just suddenly pull in front of some dude coming quickly from behind you (say, twenty miles an hour faster than you) - someone who will pass you with such great speed that you won't even notice the time you might lose - why, I must ask, why?

You should be better than that, oh mighty trucker. You should be above petty & peevish.

& I still have half of Tennessee & most of the middle of Kentucky to go!

I have so many things I could say about Dallas

It's bigger than I always remember. It has a lot more vegetarian/vegan restaurants than I remember. I ate way too many much food & was even upset that I couldn't eat too much more. Also saw old friends & ate too too much food with them.

I miss big cities & one day suppose will live in one again but hopefully probably not Dallas though. Some cities have too much life overlap & there are ghosts of me that I cannot explain myself to. Dallas is like that in one confusing way after another.

One thing discovered in Dallas: Mr. T on the television advertising things all the time. My childhood returns to mock me!

Will be back in Lexingtown in two days. Am listening to songs for Self Help Radio while I drive. If I did it this way every week, the show, who costs almost nothing to produce, could get expensive.

What's not so groovy...

I have been listening to lots of podcasts today because I was on the road. Which means, I wasn't sitting at home all day editing this morning's shows for public consumption.

Wait a minute! The shows are edited? Well, yeah, but not the way you think. I mean, if I could edit them to make them better, I certainly would. I record them as one giant audio file, & have to break them up. I also sometimes edit out embarrassing dead air. If I occasionally go on the mic & scream out my frustration for the unfairness of the universe in the middle of songs - well, I edit that out, too.

Actually, if I really did that, I'd probably leave them in.

Anyway, I do a little cosmetic work on the shows, splitting them in half, etc, before I put them on my server. Only, I can't do that now, since the recording of the show is in Lexington & I'm in a La Quinta in Memphis. The long & short of it is, I won't be putting the shows on the site until I get home this weekend. My apologies.

But I am slowly formulating an idea for a podcast. Really! A talky one. Perhaps even with humor!

Whither The Groovy Show?

What am I, some kind of hippie?

I once had a boss who used the word "groovy" a lot. He had long hair. He was always giving the peace sign. But he wasn't really a hippie. He called his wife "dude." She called him "dude." That was weird.

I started using the word "groovy" in conversation in the early 90s. I guess there was a sixties revival then, as people were wearing tie-dye & grunge kind of recapitulated some of the manly rock of the 60s. Like the Doors. That movie came out. I remember girls at the time swooning over Jim Morrison. Who was, of course, mainly decomposed bits in a cemetery in Paris.

I still use the word. I am somewhat aware of the dated nature, & perhaps, like my boss, wish people to make judgments about me that are quite untrue. I have longish hair, too. But I am not a hippie.

Hey! But if you're a hippie, or want to hear music that's groovy, that's all Self Help Radio is about this week. It's happening tomorrow morning at 7:30 am (until 9 am) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online live from anywhere, & the audio link is right here.

Normally, I tell you that I'll archive the show later in the day at Self Help Radio website, but that won't be the case tomorrow, as I am leaving directly after the show to be away for spring break. I'll put it up as soon as I get back to town - which may be in a week or so.

It'd be groovy if you listened live.

Preface To The Groovy Show: Groovy Little Time Change

Everyone keeps saying, "Remember to set your clocks head tonight! It's spring forward time again!" But every clock I use regularly is either on some computing device or on my DVR. They're the first times I see every morning. They'll change automatically thanks to the magic of Big Computer, which is sort of like Orwell's Big Brother, but sneakier.

The clocks on the stove & microwave I'll probably not change until I use them. Same with the one in the car. & hey, I am going to be driving to Dallas next week, so do I even have to change the clocks until I get home? Let's see, it's an hour earlier in Dallas... Oh, yeah, I guess I have to.

In the radio world, this time of year can be confusing. Here in Lexington, the fellow who normally does the midnight to three on Saturday sent an email out to remind the deejays after him to come in an hour early. In Austin, where both KVRX & KOOP share the same frequency, there's an issue at the tower, where an automated systems switches between the two stations at 9am. It can be quite a headache.

Not for me! It just means that Self Help Radio is coming an hour sooner this week than it did last week. & that's groovy.

Happy Birthday John Cale!

A week after Lou Reed turned 70, so does John Davies Cale. Here he is at some unspecified time probably in recent history performing one of his great songs, "Fear Is A Man's Best Friend," live - with Nick Cave & Chrissie Hynde looking on.

Thursday Picture Of A Pet

We have now come to the last of my pets. This fuzzy cat is named Bronte. She came to us from one of my wife's colleagues, who found her, she said, at a farmhouse in Ohio. The poor little cat weighed less than four pounds, was full of tangles & mats, & had a worrying cough, which her rescuer told us was "just hairballs."

After we had her for a couple of weeks, she was still lethargic & not terribly affectionate, & I noticed that, though she kaff-kaffed all the time, I never once saw a hairball (despite her mess of hair). So we took her to a vet & discovered she had asthma. Once she had regular treatment, she transformed into a wholly different cat - playful, sweet to her brother Bolan, noisy, demanding. As is typical with asthma, the sickness affects her depending on the weather, & it took several attempts - & suffering through some utterly inept Appalachian vets - to get her the proper meds, & to maintain her health.

The wife says it's been six months since an asthma attack. We should have a sign in the house. But spring is around the corner. Now, the currently ten-pound Bronte is asking me to feed her. Asking me? Demanding me!

A Rainbow Connection

Somewhere, under the rainbow, near the pot of gold, I found a radio show about rainbows. I frankly would have preferred the pot of gold. But then I wouldn't have shared all that gold with you. The music, though - it's all for you! & no, you're not having a flashback, you hippie.

The show is all colors of the rainbow, from Roy to Biv. It's available on the Self Help Radio website. Half of the rainbow is available over here, while the other half is over here. The shows are listed below.

Oh, & as an aside: I usually also put up mp3s for my other show, Sugar Substitute, but this morning, due to user error (ie, me), I didn't get a recording of this morning's show. In case you were wondering.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"What Makes A Rainbow?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Rainbows Are Back In Style" Dean Martin _Gentle On My Mind_
"The Rainbow Connection" Majestic _Just For A Day_

"Over The Rainbow" Aretha Franklin _Aretha Complete On Columbia_
"She's A Rainbow" Rolling Stones _Their Satanic Majesties Request_
"The Rainbow" The Apples In Stereo _The Discovery Of A World Inside The Moone_
"The Man Who Paints The Rainbows" Television Personalities _Privilege_
"Rainbow" Gene Chandler _Nothing Can Stop Me: Gene Chandler's Greatest Hits_

"Rainbow Voodoo" Clark _Totems Flare_
"Looking For A Rainbow" Talulah Gosh _Backwash_
"She Talks To Rainbows" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_

(part two)

"The End Of The Rainbow" Richard & Linda Thompson _I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight_

"There's A Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder" Bobby Darin _The Swinging Side Of Bobby Darin_
"There's A Rainbow In Your Heart" Chuck Jackson _The Motown Anthology_
"Rainbow Woman" Lee Hazlewood _Where The Action Is! (Los Angeles Nuggets 1965-1968)_
"Rainbow Signs" Sarah Webster Fabio _Boss Soul_
"Rainbow Road" Bill Brandon _Down & Out: The Sad Soul Of The Black South_

"Paint A Rainbow" My Bloody Valentine _Sunny Sundae Smile_
"Paint Yourself A Rainbow" Suede Crocodiles _Stop The Rain_
"Rainbow Rider" The Pooh Sticks _Million Seller_
"Rainbow Of Strange Appetites" Loop Guru _Elderberry Shiftglass_
"Find Yourself A Rainbow" Sally Field _Star of The Flying Nun_

Whither Rainbows?

What kind of hippie am I anyway?

There sure are a lot of songs about rainbows - something a certain frog wondered about some thirty years ago - & I've spent most of the week slogging through them. Human beings are quite infatuated with them, that's for sure.

My favorite rainbow - at least the one that comes to mind when I think the word "rainbow" - was an astonishing rainbow appearing in dark blue skies somewhere in New Mexico in the mid-90s after I'd driven through a small patch of rain on the portions of I-20 that are in Indian lands. I saw it by chance - if I weren't always looking in the rear-view mirror, I wouldn't have noticed it. I have a photograph of it somewhere - I had my girlfriend hold the steering wheel while I awkwardly turned in my seat to get the shot. The photograph, taken on a cheap hand-me-down camera, doesn't capture how breathtaking it was.

It is pretty wonderful to see a bow of colors in the sky. & everyone knows that wonder - which is why it appears in so many songs.

You'll get to hear a lot of them on Self Help Radio tomorrow morning (that's Monday) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington. If you want to listen on the computer, here's a link to the audio stream. I'll archive it later in the day at the Self Help Radio website. So unlike a rainbow, the show will be around for a while.

Preface To Rainbows: Omigolly! This Is The 1,300th Post!

It's hard to imagine, I know, that I have written one thousand three hundred entries in this blog (counting this one) & in general have almost nothing to say.

You know I love to do the math. Here goes:

(I am cutting & pasting most of this from the entry for post 1200.)

I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.
147 days after that, I reached post # 1200, at 10/15/11.

I counted from a calendar & came up with 139 days since entry 1200. The math is almost certainly screwed up - but I do try to be consistent, & have written in this blog five days a week for many weeks now.

Also, if the days above don't add up, don't worry - it's not at all important. I am something of a quitter & when I don't quit, I have terrible follow-through, so it's somewhat amazing to me that I've kept this up. Especially since I have nothing to say.

Or maybe, like most other blogs, it's the reason I keep going?

I am returning to listening to songs about rainbows. Also, I am roasting potatoes. The two are not incompatible.

Holy Crap Lou Reed Is 70 Today!

He doesn't look a day over 100. Happy birthday Lou!

Click for a live version of "Heroin" performed with John Cale in 1972!

Thursday Picture Of A Pet

I know parents are not supposed to have favorites, but of all our animals - with the exception of Beatrice, whose relationship with me goes beyond pet/parent - this little fellow is probably my favorite. His name is Winston & despite his puppiness, he's not a puppy - he'll turn five this summer. He has a condition called Musladin-Lueke Syndrome - colloquially, & with a smattering of racism, called "Chinese Beagle Syndrome" - & he'll be this way for the rest of his life. A friend at KOOP called him a "perma-puppy."

He's had a lot of health issues associated with his sickness, & the wife calls him "our Prius," to joke about the amount of money we've spent on him. Occasionally people will say, when we tell them he's a dwarf, "I want one!" But the truth is, most breeders will kill beagles with this syndrome. That's why they're not common. (In addition, the same condition in other breeds is fatal after one year. They don't know why this is not so with beagles.)

He's been spoiled his whole life, so he's pushy & needy & a big pest, but I think that's why I love him so. He's been in generally good health - when he's not eating things he shouldn't, like cat poo or peach pits - but we fully expect to spend another Prius' worth of money on him during his lifetime. He's really worth it.

Don't Take Our Advice

I know, it seems absurd for Self Help Radio to be giving out advice. Almost no one expects to hear advice from a Self Help Radio show! But it turns out it's all right - it's not the show that's giving the advice, so much as the music on the show. Therefore Self Help Radio can't be legally liable for any advice you might take from the songs. Blame the singers, not the radio show!

The show is available for consultation at the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts: part one is here & part two is here. All the advisory song titles are listed below.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Get Yourself Together" Velocette _Get Yourself Together_
"Accept Yourself" The Smiths _This Charming Man_
"Be True To Yourself" Bobby Vee _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_

"Respect Yourself" Staple Singers _Can You Dig It? The 70's Soul Experience, Vol. 2_
"Do It Yourself" Sprites _Starling, Spiders, Tiger & Sprites_
"Get A Grip On Yourself" The Stranglers _Rattus Norvegicus_
"Believe In Yourself" Sesame Street _Sesame Street Silver: The Tenth Anniversary Album_
"Help Yourself" Diamond Joe _Crescent City Soul: The Sound of New Orleans_

"Find Yourself, Pt. 1" Marvin Holmes _Bay Area Funk_
"Express Yourself" Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band _Express Yourself: The Best Of Charles Wright_
"Pull Yourself Together" Hefner _Breaking God's Heart_

(part two)

"Let Yourself Go" Laptop _Don't Try This At Home_

"Eat Y'self Fitter" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself" Sandie Shaw _The Greatest Hits Of Sandie Shaw_
"Think For Yourself" The Beatles _Rubber Soul_
"Be Yourself" Whodini _Greatest Hits_

"Make Yourself A Happiness Pie" Roger Ruskin Spear _Electric Shocks_
"Just Be Yourself" LaBrenda Ben _The Complete Motown Singles: 1963_
"Be Yourself" The Antennas _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Help Yourself" Railroad Jerk _One Track Mind_
"Get Yourself Together (Demo)" The Jam _Sound Affects_
"Find Out For Yourself" Acid House Kings _The Sound Of Young Sweden_

Whither Advice?

"Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it." Benjamin Franklin said that. I hope that means this show is for the some folks in between - & no, last week's show was the in between show, not this week's again, & - oh never mind.

It's very unusual for Self Help Radio to be doing such a self-help radio-y thing like giving advice. I have no advice to give. Well, I have one bit of advice to give: if you're lucky, enjoy it. If you're not, endure it. Sometimes it seems to me that experience & skill & art & demeanor are all helpless in the face of hard luck - & get all the credit in cases of good luck. That's all the advice I have.

But the music I play tomorrow will be filled with advice from people less shy than I to give advice. If you want to hear it - whether you take it or not, I don't care - you can do so from 7:30 to 9am tomorrow morning on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to it on your radio or online at our website. (If you're reading this & only want to click once, you can click here to get the live music stream.) If you are late in getting this information, you can listen any time after tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website.

You may want to listen to Self Help Radio's show about advice - there might not be much self-help on the show for months afterwards!

Preface To Advice: Some People Can't Help But Give Advice

So you probably know someone who can't help but give advice. Sometimes it's someone who's perfectly handy, & maybe you've asked them for advice before - like when a tree branch has fallen & you might need to chop the tree down, or if it's something to do with plumbing - but since then, they imagine every innocent comment you make is a cry for help. Or maybe it's someone who you know for a fact is a complete fuck-up & you can't believe what they're telling you - they could be sitting in a pool of their own filth & they'd give you advice on personal hygiene.

The first type of person is always a nice fellow. Their advice might even be fine, but shouldn't you ask for the advice before it's given? Here is perhaps a sample conversation probably not drawn from real life:

You: Hey, good to hear from you.
The Adviser: How are things up north?
You: Oh, I'm excited, it's going to snow tonight!
The Adviser: You'll want to be careful driving in that snow. Let me tell you the best techniques...

The second type of person is pretty self-explanatory, but they have another terrible trait (well, the first probably has, too) of giving you advice for a third person on behalf of whom (they imagine) you're seeking their expertise. For example, & again, certainly not something that has ever possibly happened in real life:

The Adviser: How's the wife?
You: Oh, she's fine, but she's a little overextended at work.
The Adviser: You should tell her what I do to keep my work & home life separate...

You yourself have doubtless given advice unsolicited many times in your life, but it's not a serial problem with you. With these kinds of people, it really is. & there's probably no good advice out there on how to deal with them - confronting them will just make them defensive - except perhaps - uh oh here's some unsolicited advice - just stay away from them.

Happy Birthday Mitch Hedberg!

He would have been 44 today - my age. It was - & remains - a terrible loss. Luckily there's a lot of media that documents his awesomeness. Like this:

Thursday Picture Of A Pet

This magnificent bastard is named Bolan, a cat brought into our household by the woman I would soon marry, who wanted a cat all her own, & who raised him like a dog. (Actually, he was raised, much as Beatrice was, by my cat Buster, about whose life & sad, sad death I wrote about some time ago.) Bolan did grow up with two beagles, & was always fearless around them, & eats about as much as they do. I think he sometimes wonders why he doesn't have floppy ears.

He's a noisy guy, & stubborn, & ballsy. He will eat things that happen to be lying around, & we put him in a separate room at dinnertime because he'll inhale his food & then harass his sisters for theirs. I've seen him make off with dog treats - because he stands with the dogs expecting one himself.

I think he daydreams about taking me down one day. But then, being a cat, he seeing a spot of sunlight & settles down for some napping & grooming.

In Between This Show & The Next One

Self Help Radio learned this week that grammarians & aesthetes everywhere dislike the putting of a dash between "in" & "between" in the phrase "in between." Self Help Radio, unfortunately, LOVES putting dashes in between words. But I guess I see the point. The dash doesn't make much sense when you say things like "I stood in between you & your dog at the bus stop." But it somehow feels right to say "I like when I do my shows; I don't like the times in-between."

But every song I played today mentioned or was entitled "in between" in some way. I am a little prideful of that - I thought I might have to cheat & play a few plain old "between" songs. Not so! You can see the playlist below if you want to check. You can also listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. Or! Do you want direct links? I will put them in between this word - link to part one + link to part two - & this word.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"In Between" Beat Happening _Jamboree_
"In-Between" Tree Fort Angst _Last Page In The Book Of Love_
"In Between" Judy Garland _The Complete Decca Masters (Plus)_

"In-Between Days" The Cure _The Head On The Door_
"In Betweens" The Only Ones _Even Serpents Shine_
"In Betweens" The Nils _The Nils_
"Somewhere In Between" Kate Bush _Aerial_

"Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea" Blossom Dearie _Give Him The Ooh-La-La_
"Call Me Mr. In-Between" Burl Ives _A Little Bitty Tear_
"The In-Between Years" James MacArthur _Hey! Look What I Found, Vol. 3_
"The In-Between" Magnapop _Mouthfeel_

(part two)

"In Between Buses" Las Robertas _Cry Out Loud_

"High, Low & In-Between" Townes Van Zandt _The Anthology: 1968-1979_
"In Between Love" Tom Waits _The Early Years, Vol. 2_
"Deep Down & In Between" Young Fresh Fellows _This One's For The Ladies_
"In Between Tears" Irma Thomas _In Between Tears_
"In Between" Pop Art _Really Blind Faith: A Retrospective 1984-1990_

"In Between" Secret Shine _The Beginning & The End_
"In Between & After" All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavors _Turning Into Small_
"In Between Times" Mice Parade _What It Means To Be Left-Handed_
"Houses In Between" The Water Walk _Thingamajig_
"Two Minds In Between" Guther _Sundet_

Whither In-Between?

I'm not a "tween," which is defined by Wikipedia as "that is, preadolescence, the stage between middle childhood & adolescence in human development, in the range of 10 to 12 years old," & not only that, I find tweens particularly boring.

Almost none of them listen to my show!

I'm also not the middle child - I have six brothers & sisters, & I was number six of the series of seven. Although technically I did come in between number five & number seven. I was the penultimate child, though!

There will be an entire show about things in between, or in-between, or just being in between something & another - tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen to the show anywhere in realistic time by clicking here to get the audio stream. (This applies to all WRFL programming so you can click it any time!) I'll archive the show some time in between when I do & when it's already on my website, which is self help radio dot net.

I hope you listen some time in between now & then!