Preface To Jobs: Out Of Work

I have to do a radio show in the morning so I have to listen to stuff I may possibly play.  This gives me not so much time to blog-write.

So here is a picture from one of the numerous Tumblr blogs I'm always stumbling onto, of a human being inappropriate with a cat.  Enjoy:

Indian Burial Mounds

I was talking to someone about indian burial mounds - of which there are lots in Kentucky - & they seemed tolerably knowledgable, going on about Native Americans fleeing Kentucky & Daniel Boone & what-not, & I said, "Well, what was in the Indian burial mounds?"

The person said, "Hunh.  I don't know.  Bones?"

Like it was some sort of mystery.  Do you know who knew what was in Indian burial mounds?  Do you?

THOMAS MOTHERFUCKING JEFFERSON, that's who.

You can read it about right here.

When people talk authoritatively about stuff, & then can't really answer questions about it, I don't really judge them - I think we learn how to talk authoritatively about stuff as a survival skill - I just go find out what I asked them myself.

One thing I learned is that there weren't just burial mounds - there were residence mounds & ceremonial mounds, too.  & especially platform mounds.  Those are neat.

So what's in Indian burial mounds?  The ones that have been excavated - & some of the extant ones haven't, in accordance with the wishes of Native American tribes - have bones & artifacts in them.  But that's in general - there were a lot of them & the mound builders had different cultures.

I think I was hoping the answer would be something surprising, like "comic books."  Or "board games."  Or "escape tunnels & hidden doors."

You know, like the mounds were built by my imagination when I was seven years old.

Seeing Blue

I have spent a tolerable amount of time on three college campuses (well, most of the time on the Marshall campus was intolerable) (oh, that's not true!) & I have come to the conclusion that "school spirit" is silly at best & infuriating at worst.

At UT, it was all about the orange, which eventually blended into the fake suntans (in a city, you know, with 400 days of sun a year) of the fake people who seemed to have the most enthusiasm for the ball games.  At Marshall, it was green.  The house we had at Marshall actually had an attic painted all green.  I guess the previous inhabitants cheered at the television way up there in that room - where, of course, their school spirit is closer to their god I guess?  I don't know.

But there weren't too many people at Marshall for the green to be overwhelming.  Also, I didn't get out much.

At UK it's blue.  & I'm up at the station all the time.  WRFL is on the UK campus.  Where one in three people have something in UK Wildcat blue at any given time.  Seriously, if you see three professors chatting, one of them will have a tee shirt that says, "Some people call it obsession, we call it UK basketball."  & this dude will be a Latin teacher.

I have a nice Dickies shirt that I've had forever which is the same color as the UK blue.  I will never wear it as long as I am in Lexington.

& the thing is, I have nothing really against college sports or sports of any kind.  It's like that thing someone said once about some popular singer or band - they're not a bother at all, it's their fans.

I almost tweeted today, "Excessive school spirt is almost - almost - as irritating as excessive patriotism."

But it wasn't a complete enough thought for me.

38 Episodes Of Indiepop A To Z

I know, it's ridiculous, I just covered Hartfield to Hem today.  On a listener's recommendation I am going to see someone about my pathological need to organize things.  What the listener doesn't know is that I'm going to see someone who works for the Oxford English Dictionary.

Show at the Self Help Radio website.  What's in the show is below.  Show in two parts: part one here | part two here.  Hey!  Old indiepop a to z episodes (almost all of them) can be found on the old shows archive page.  If you want to see what's been played before.

Thanks for listening & alphabetizing with me!

(part one)

"She Bangs" Hartfield _True Color, True Lie_
"I Gotta Lie Down" The Harvest Ministers _Little Dark Mansion_
"The Javanaise" Mick Harvey _Pink Elephants_

"Everybody Loves Me But You" Juliana Hatfield _Hey Babe_
"Words Of Hope" The Hawks _Words Of Hope_
"Our Favourite Motorway" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Pram Town_
"Kill Karaoke" The Haywains _Never Mind Manchester, Here's The Haywains_
"Sand" Lee Hazlewood & Nancy Sinatra _Nancy & Lee_

"Davey Crockett" Thee Headcoatees _Sisters Of Suave_
"Cherry Tulips" Headlights _Some Racing, Some Stopping_
"Reach The Sky" The Headmen _Reach The Sky 12"_
"Camel City" Health & Beauty _Pop & Circumstance_
"Suddenly Molly" Heart-Sick Groans _EardrumsPop 100_

"The Heartbeat Of Krakow" The Heartbeat Of Krakow _The Heartbeat Of Krakow_

(part two)

"Kiss Me When I'm Starving" The Heart Throbs _Cleopatra Grip_
"(You Promised Me A) Camera" Hearts On Fire _Dreams Of Leaving_
"No Way, No Way" Heartworms _Pop American Style_
"Itchy Chin" Heavenly _The Decline & Fall Of Heavenly_

"Maplewood" The Heavy Blinkers _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 3_
"The Hymn For The Cigarettes" Hefner _The Fidelity Wars_
"Former Hero" Heikki _2_
"Debbie Loves Joey" Helen Love _The Bubblegum Killers E.P._
"Pat's Trick" Helium _The Dirt Of Luck_

"Blank Generation" Richard Hell & The Voidoids _Singles: The Great New York Singles Scene_
"Rachel Clean" Hellfire Sermons _Hymns, Ancient & Modern (1988-1993)_
"My Best Friend" Hello Saferide _Introducing..._
"Record Shop" Help Stamp Out Loneliness _Help Stamp Out Loneliness_
"Left The Party" Helmet Tag _Yay 4 Cuteness_
"Be Completely Full Of" Hem _Be Completely Full Of 7"_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 38?

First of all, I am entirely aware that over on the Self Help Radio website, it says this week's theme is "Indiepop A To Z # 39."  I think I know why/how that happened.

Y'see, I've been doing (for two years now) three hours of radio a week, divided equally between a freeform (that's a KVRX term; at RFL they call it "general format") show called Sugar Substitute & a specialty show (RFL term: "block show") called Self Help Radio.

& about every four months (thrice a year), I return to the Indiepop A To Z list, which of course I will never finish but which occupies my mind in a happy way.  I have in the past gotten special dispensation from the WRFL Management to allow me to use the entire three hours for the A To Z silliness.

Because of that, the numbers of the IA2Z (as no one abbreviates it) have usually been split between Sugar Substitute & Self Help Radio.  For example, Indiepop A To Z # 36 was during Sugar Substitute, while # 37 was during Self Help Radio.

I know these divisions mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me.

Anyway, as you might have noticed (probably not), Self Help Radio is now two hours long.  Something happened to me this week & I said, "I should at the very least do the freeform show.  I mean, two hours of IA2Z is enough, isn't it?"

I suffer from the same inconsistency, by the way, when I am decided what makes the Indiepop A To Z list.  Some postpunk & indie rock bands might make it if my mood is slightly different.  My mood now?  Stern.  Less inclusive.  A little exhausted with being exhaustive.

So I had planned tomorrow's Sugar Substitute to be Indiepop A To Z # 38, with SHR # 39.  I had no idea my show would be expanded to two hours.  I can't see the future.

Confidentially, I can't even see the present.

Second of all, the Indiepop A To Z list continues tomorrow from 7am to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Archived later at the show's website.  At that same link are thirty-something previous episodes of the Indiepop A To Z series.  You have time to catch up.  Do so!

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 38: Know Your Own Fest!

I have no time, I am going to the Know Your Own Festival which is sponsored by WRFL today from 3 pm to 10:30 pm.  It's on the UK campus right outside the RFL studios (corner of Limestone & Avenue Of Champions) & it's free, with a ton of local bands playing, & here's the line-up & times:

3:00 Warren Byrom & Fabled Canelands
3:25 De-Animator
3:45 Live Island
4:05 Three Legged Race
4:25 pezhed
4:45 I Like You
5:15 S H O Z O
5:45 Astor Place Riot
6:15 Switchmen
6:45 Those Crosstown Rivals
7:15 Cross
7:45 Dunebuggy Attack Battalion
8:15 Matt Duncan
8:45 Ancient Warfare
9:15 Absalom Absalom
9:45 Dream The Electric Sleep

In addition, if you come early, you can be involved in the dedication of the fab new statue outside the studios, recently completed by Garry Bibbs.  More info here.

Busy day for me!

"Single Widows"

Overheard on WRFL this afternoon, in a litany of people possibly affected & offended by supporters of "traditional marriage":

single moms, single dads, single widows...

Barefoot Redneck Incest

I was talking to a Kentuckian about Kentucky today & she asked me what words I thought about when I thought about "Kentucky."

I said, bourbon.  I said, hillbillies.  I said, coal.  I said, bluegrass music.

She obviously had something else on her mind; perhaps she was thinking about outsiders like myself who have the wrong idea about Kentucky.  She said, "I'm so tired of people who think of Kentucky & all they think about is barefoot redneck incest."

I said, "That sounds like the worst title for a porn video ever."  But she was not amused.

For Shame!

Perhaps I'm being shameless, but I felt no shame doing Self Help Radio's first regularly scheduled two hour show in almost six years.  I had previously believed someone would shame the WRFL management for letting it happen, but despite the shame being on them, they stuck to their decision.  I soldier on shamefacedly.

Two hours!  There's so much shame in one hundred & twenty minutes you might not want to get involved!  The show is now at the Self Help Radio website, but I'll understand if you're too ashamed to be seen around there.  You can download each of two parts with these links: part one | part two .  No one will ever know.

(part one)

"Shame" Denzil _Pub_
"Shame" The Lucy Show _Mania_
"Shame" Eurthymics _Savage_

"Shame" Norman Feels _Where Or When_
"Shame, Shame, Shame!" Smiley Lewis _I Hear You Knockin': The Best Of Smiley Lewis_
"It's A Shame" The Detroit Spinners _The Essential Collection_
"What A Shame" The Rolling Stones _The Rolling Stones, Now!_
"Oh It's Such A Shame" Jay Reatard _Blood Visions_
"Shame" Wet Paint _Pebbles, Vol. 7: Chicago, Part 2_

"City Of Shame" Robyn Hitchcock _Uncorrected Personality Traits_
"Shame For The Angels" The Jacobites _Hawks Get Religion_
"Shame Is A Girl" The Bridge _The Sound Of Leamingston Spa Vol. 4_
"Shame Is The Name" Morrissey _Swords_

"Ain't That A Shame" Fats Domino _The Original Rock & Roll Classics_
"Ain't It A Shame" Lloyd Price _Lawdy Miss Clawdy_
"Ain't It A Shame To Go Fishing On Sunday" Leadbelly _The Last Sessions_

(part two)

"Such A Shame" Talk Talk _It's My Life_
"For Shame Of Doing Wrong" Richard & Linda Thompson _Watching The Dark: The History Of Richard Thompson_

"Such A Shame" The Kinks _Kinda Kinks_
"Walk Of Shame" The Like _Release Me_
"Shame On You" The Darling Buds _Pop Said..._
"Shame" The King's Ransom _Teenage Shutdown, Vol. 9: Teen Jangler Blowout!_
"Shamemaker" Ween _La Cucaracha_
"Cryin' Shame" The Odds _Let's Breed: Part Two Of The Throbbing Lobster Saga_

"Shame Shame Shame" The Harmonettes _Cult Cargo: Belize City Boil-Up_
"It's A Shame (Mt. Airy Groove)" Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five _Adventures On The Wheels Of Steel_
"I'm Livin' In Shame" Diana Ross & The Supremes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 9: 1969_
"Shame On The Family Name" Calvin Scott _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1968-1971_

"Shame" The Children _Every Single Day_
"Whirlpool Vision Of Shame" Felt _The Strange Idols Pattern & Other Short Stories_
"Ain't Nothin' Like A Shame (To Bring It All Back Home)" Lucky Soul _A Coming Of Age_
"Hall Of Shame" Great Plains _The Length Of Growth 1981-89_

Whither Shame?

Can you listen to Self Help Radio tomorrow?  It'll be the first two-hour Self Help Radio since - gosh! 2006!  When I went from Wednesdays to Fridays & lost a half-hour.  That was in Austin, though.  This is Lexington.  There's more room for a show like Self Help Radio to grow!

Anyway, it's from 7 to 9am (it's weird not to write 7:30) & it would be a shame if you missed it.  Of course, it'll be a shame if you listen, since it's a show about shame, but that's the nature of the strange theme-based contradictions in your average Self Help Radio show.

You can listen in Lexington at 88.1 on your FM dial, or you can listen online at WRFL dot FM.  Shame on you for not listening live!  But I understand, it's early - I will shamefacedly place the show on the Self Help Radio website.

For shame!

Really, it's all for shame.

Preface To Shame: Shame Is Taught To The Young

I grew up poor.  My father was literally a sharecropper's son, & my mother came from hardy German working-class stock.  My father split when I was four, or was more accurately made to leave, as he was a drunk & my mother had to get herself & her children away from him.  I suppose he would've stuck around if she had wanted him to.

Anyway, being a child & not being terribly self-aware (it occurs to me that being self-aware might ruin childhood) I couldn't have told you that we were poor.  I knew a couple of facts but didn't seem to want to connect them to some overarching idea:

1) We lived in apartments, while most of my schoolmates lived in houses.
2) My schoolmates had more toys - they had more things, in general - than we did.

One big example is that my schoolmates - & I separate my schoolmates from my friends, since I was mostly friends in the "hanging out & playing together" sense with people who lived in the apartment complexes where I lived- my schoolmates generally had their parents drive them around.  My mother didn't drive - we didn't own a car - & though occasionally my older siblings took us places, they had no real sense of filial obligation & usually did so begrudgingly.

But it didn't seem weird to me because my mother didn't drive.  It was never, "We can't afford a car."  It was, "If Mom drove, we'd have a car."

My mother, however, has always felt deeply ashamed by her low economic status - although, it must be noted, certainly not so ashamed that she might work really hard to pull herself out of it - she never thought about going to school to learn a trade.  She went to work, but the jobs she chose - working at a convenience store or drug store, or a fast food restaurant - were jobs that didn't necessarily require more than the ability to count & a pleasant demeanor.

I have to point out in this long-winded anecdote that I am not trying to disrespect or criticize my mother for these choices, if indeed they were choices - she had six children to support - maybe one or two had left by the time of the divorce, but still, at least three of us were under twelve.  I have never had to do anything like that.  My mother has always been a creature controlled by shame & fear, so the strength it took for her to work to support her family is something I don't think I possess.

As I've been saying, I was completely unaware of our socioeconomic status, & blissfully so.  It meant that insults from the middle class kids at school went right over my head.  I remember once a teacher asked me if I lived in the apartments close to the school, & when I said yes, she said, "Oh, dear."  So they must've looked like an awful place to live - but at the time I was puzzled by her reaction.

Until.  This had to be a few months later.  My mother just turned to me & said, "Are you ashamed that we're so poor?"

& I wasn't.  Because I didn't know we were poor.  Only now I did.  & suddenly I was.

I Spend Too Much Time On Tumblr Blogs

It makes it sometimes difficult to write in this blog which has virtually no images at all.

Good News! (Good News?)

In honor of my lovely Bronte cat's birthday (oh, here's a picture of her; she turns five today:)

Happy birthday to her!

In honor of her birthday, I tell you this (potentially) good news: Self Help Radio is expanding from ninety minutes to two hours!  Starting this Monday!

I am not sure if I'll be able to pull it off, but for right now, I'm enjoying the excitement of the good news!

Bronte, on the other hand, is all like, "You call this a present for me?"

What A Joke!

How many episodes of Self Help Radio does it take to play songs & talk about jokes?  One, it turns out.  Oh, wait, did you think that was a riddle?  No no, this is one show about jokes that's positively humorless.

That's not true.  You'll hear a few funny things on the show today, & the playlist is below.  The show is at the Self Help Radio website, where is it saved in two parts: the hilarious part one & the delightfully witty part two.

Just stop me if you think you've heard this one before...

(part one)

"Joke Shop Man" Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Cornology_
"You're Joking" Evans The Death _Evans The Death_
"Cracker Jokes" Stephen Fry _Fry's English Delight_

"I Started A Joke" Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_
"Such A Joke" Vivian Girls _Vivian Girls_
"She Doesn't Laugh At My Jokes" Jonathan Richman _Having A Party With Jonathan Richman_
"Punchlines" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" The Smiths _The World Won't Listen_
"These Jokes" Demetri Martin _These Are Jokes_

"The Joker" Bob Bunny _Las Vegas Grind Vol. 2 (Louie's Limbo Lounge)_
"The Joker (That's What They Call Me)" Billy Myles _Greatest Hits_
"The Joker" Shawn Elliott _The Joker_
"The Jokers" Peter & Gordon _True Love Ways_

(part two)

"Joker In The Pack" The Adicts _Sound Of Music_
"The Joker (feat. Bootsy Collins)" Fatboy Slim _Palookaville_

"911 Is A Joke" Public Enemy _Fear Of A Black Planet_
"I Ain't No Joke" Eric B & Rakim _Paid In Full_
"Joking & Lying" Eugene Mirman _En Garde, Society!_
"Sick Joke" Love Parade _Past Crimes_
"? (It's A Joke, It's Supposed To Be Funny)" Mice Parade _The True Meaning Of Boodleybaye_
"The Joke" The Fall _Cerebral Caustic_

"Joke's On Me" Holiday Flyer _You Make Us Go_
"The Joke" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _Guess Who This Is_
"Joking Apart" Nightingales _Pissed & Potless: Greatest Hits_
"The Finest Joke Is Upon Us" Guided By Voices _Hardcore UFOs: Demons & Painkillers_

Whither Jokes?

I am unfunny.  & unclever.

Tomorrow!  From 7:30 to 9am!  On 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington!  & online at wrfl.fm!  Self Help Radio will:

1) play music about jokes;
2) talk about jokes;
3) tell you how to tell a joke;
4) tell you the funniest jokes in the world - as proved by science.

It should be mildly amusing.

Maybe I should have just done a show full of jokes?

(What's not funny is you might miss the show but you'll be able to listen to it later on the Self Help Radio website.)

Preface To Jokes: How To Tell A Joke

I am not a comedian no matter how funny I think I am.  I certainly amuse myself.  But here's a link from a toastmaster(*) on how to tell a joke.

I have no idea if his advice is any good, though I've noticed that one tip - "Never start off by telling your audience how funny the joke is" - is pretty true, & any preface on how funny the joke is will be in direct proportion to the amount of laughter in the room after the joke is done (assuming everyone isn't drunk or high, which changes a lot of things).  Another sign something someone said isn't funny - when the person laughs after the joke.  They're hoping that their laughter is infectious, & it's a desperate thing an insecure person will always do to alert you that they've just told a joke & if you don't laugh, it'll hurt their feelings.

There's another list here at about.com, the best advice of which is this: "Avoid telling any joke you don't understand."  I wish someone had told me that when I was a child!

Okay, I could use that advice these days, too.

(*) This is what a "toastmaster" is, but the link from the website for Toastmasters International.

A Day Off From Blogging

What? I hear you not really say.  A day off from the Self Help Radio blog?  Don't you only blog five days a week?  Why do you need another day off?  What are you, German?

Technically, though, it's not really a day off, as I am here to write about an imaginary conversation between a "reader" (certainly an imaginary person who check out this blog) & "me" (a person who does a radio show which is so inconsequential it sometimes feels imaginary).  & yet, I want to apologize for the lack of content here, since I do like to write in the blog five days a week.

Wait!  I have news!  Republican candidate What's-His-Name Ken-Doll-Guy has chosen his running mate!  It's someone some people thought it would be, but other people might be surprised about!  How dramatic!  It should make all the weekend news shows!

That was worth it, yes?  Wait.  Did you know there was an election going on?  Really?  Yeah, in the United States, we're voting for a president this year.  Wait, should I have capitalized President?  Anyway, yeah, it's the current guy - Obama - & this guy Mitt Romney.  Yeah, Mitt.  I guess it's short for Mitten?  I don't really know.  Well, he does kind of resemble a Ken Doll, but maybe a Ken Doll in his late fifties, early sixties.  Yeah, ha ha, Barbie would have had lots of plastic surgery by then.  Oh well.  Ha ha.  It's all so funny.

I have no idea what any of this means.

Calling All Dinosaurs

Hey, this may be late notice, but I am subbing WRFL's classic rock show this afternoon.  It's called the Belfry & it's uniformly excellent, so listening to me do it might be a bit of a let-down.  However, if you're around, it's from 4 to 6pm at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & its surroundings, &/or it's online at WRFL's website.

To encourage you, here's a picture of an actual belfry:

The Subway Show!

I adore subways.  I wish I lived someplace where I could take a subway regularly.  I know they're loud & polluted & smelly.  I just like the idea of subways.  Well, commuter trains in general.  So I made a radio show to celebrate them!

You know how it goes: the show is waiting at the Self Help Radio station.  You'll find two lines there: one line goes to the first half of the show; the other line goes to the other half.  Song-destinations are below.

(part one)

"Subway" Sesame Street _Sesame Street: Signs!_
"Talking Subway" John Greenway _Talking Blues_
"On The Subway" The Last Poets _The Last Poets_

"Subway Joe" Joe Bataan with The Fulanos _King Of Latin Soul_
"The Underground Train" Lord Kitchener _London Is The Place For Me: Trinidadian Calypso In London_
"Circle Line" Rodney Allen _Happysad_
"Subway To The Beach" Furniture _Food, Sex & Paranoia_
"Subway Song" The Cure _Three Imaginary Boys_

"Don't Sleep In The Subway" Petula Clark _Music To Watch Girls By_
"Subway Train" New York Dolls _The New York Dolls_
"Down In The Subway" Soft Cell _Down In The Subway_

(part two)

"Subway Cutie" Melody Masters _Hot Harmony Groups 1932-1951 - That's The Rhythm, Vol. 1_
"Subway Blues" Mable Scott _1938-1950_

"Riding On The Subway" Jesse Malin _The Fine Art Of Self-Destruction_
"Man On the Tube" The Passions _Michael & Miranda_
"Down In The Tube Station At Midnight" The Jam _Greatest Hits_
"Waiting For The End Of The World" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"The Metro" Berlin _The Best Of Berlin 1979-1988_

"Downtown Train" Tom Waits _Rain Dogs_
"MTA" The Kingston Trio _Folk Song America - A 20th Century Revival_
"The Next Station Is: Shibuya" Torpedo Boyz _Cum On Feel The Boyz_

Whither Subways?

How dangerous are subways?  According to this article (which is just about the New York subway system), "most of the deaths that occur in the subway are due to sickness, accident, or suicide."  The site does allow that there is "an occasional murder."

According to this site - which features pictures of subway crashes & other rail accidents, you have been warned - the Daegu subway in South Korea is "the world's most dangerous subway."  Here is an image of an arson in 2003 when some 150 people died:

More information at the site linked above.

I am getting this out of the way because tomorrow morning on Self Help Radio we celebrate subways (although there are some songs about scary subway experiences - but I won't be focusing on that!).  Please listen - it's from 7:30 to 9:00 am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Archived later underground at the Self Help Radio website.  Trains run on time!  Don't miss it!