Ducks

I did a radio show about ducks.  During the course of the show I played a lot of children's records & then talked about duck rape.  I have no idea what's wrong with me.

You can listen to the show now at the Self Help Radio page on the web.  The songs I played on the show are listed below.  It also turns out you can listen to the show directly from this "note."  What?  It's true!  You can listen to part one here & you can listen to part two here.  That's just ducky.

Thanks for quack quack quack!

(part one)

"Duck Soup (Opening Credits) (music by John Leipold)" The Marx Brothers _The Marx Brothers Sing & Play_
"The Duck" The Hi-Los _From Latin... To Jazz Dance: Rare Tunes Chapter One_
"The Duck" Jackie Lee _The Duck_
"The Duck" Willie Hutch _The Willie Hutch Story_

"The Ugly Duckling" Danny Kaye _Hello Children... Everywhere!_
"Little White Duck" The ABC Children's Chorus _Songs For Children By Children_
"The Duck & The Rooster" Tom T. Hall _Country Songs For Children_
"Daffy Duck's Feathered Friend" Mel Blanc _Daffy Duck's Feathered Friend_

"Disco Duck, Pt. 1" Rick Dees & His Cast Of Idiots _The Original Disco Duck_
"Be Like A Duck" Keith Boynton _Philadelphia Chickens (Sandra Boynton's Imaginary Musical Revue)_
"Rubber Duckie" Sesame Street _Sesame Street Silver: The Tenth Anniversary Album_
"Holding Hands, Feeding Ducks" The Brunettes _Holding Hands, Feeding Ducks_
"The Little Duck" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_

"Duck People Duck Man" Megapuss _Surfing_
"Duckrog" Von Sudenfed _Tromatic Reflexxions_

(part two)

"Crispy Duck" Yo La Tengo _Ride The Tiger_
"Flying Duck Theory" The Vibrators _V2_
"Fuzzy Duck" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Chart_

"The Duck Song" Bryant Oden _The Duck Song (The Duck & The Lemonade Stand)_
"Hey Little Ducky" Sonny James _Young Love: The Complete Recordings 1952 - 1962_
"Lord Love A Duck" Gerald Smith _The Georgia Quackerjack_
"$60 Duck" Lewie Wickham _$60 Duck_
"The Duck Egg Walk" Milford Perkins _Do You Know The Difference Between Big Wood & Brush? The American Song-Poem Anthology_

"Duck's Yas Yas Yas" The Three Peppers _1937 - 1940_
"Ducks Are Only Interested in An Area Man's Bread" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Duck Pond" The Telephone Company _The King's Surprise?_
"Ducks" King Of Cats _Indietracks 2009: An Indiepop Compilation_
"Peanut Duck" Marsha Gee _One Kiss Can Lead To Another: Girl Group Sounds Lost & Found_

"Duck, You Sucker" Ennio Morricone _The Ennio Morricone Anthology: A Fistful Of Film Music_
"Bert The Turtle (The Duck & Cover Song)" Dick "Two Ton" Baker _Atomic Platters_
"Duck For The Oyster" Malcolm McLaren _Duck Rock_

Why A Duck?

Shouldn't it be "whither ducks"?  Not if you've seen the Cocoanuts, it shouldn't!

Hey!  Self Help Radio's show about ducks is on the air in ten minutes!  Quack quack!  88.1 fm in Lexington!  WRFL dot FM on the web!  Quack quack quack!  4 to 6 pm!  Quack!

You Know You Wanna See

The most beautiful ducks in the world.

Click on it.  Here's a taste, duck lover:

Ducks In The News!

Completely coincidentally with my doing a show about ducks, controversy happens!

Media attacks duck genitalia research!

Yeah, some enterprising right-wing blogger was looking for examples of government waste, & this is all he could come up with?  They don't appear to be trying very hard!  Maybe some scientist getting four hundred grand (which isn't a lot of research money at all) to study ducks seems outrageous to some.  I live with a scientist.  I hear a lot weirder stuff.

& hey!  Am I the only one who now has the image of both Donald Duck & Daffy Duck as a horrible rapists?

Jazz Records With Punny Titles

That's something I like.  I'm listening to songs about ducks (not that that's weird or anything) (it's for this week's show!) & there's a song called "The Duck" on this record:

Not only is that an awesome album cover - I'd kind of like to hang out with a bunch of colorful tropical birds & maybe even a guitar - but it's a fun pun.  Donald Byrd also took advantage of his last name for punny purposes, like so:

You would find this even among the most revered of jazz musicians.  You have probably heard of the albums Miles Ahead & Blue Train (Coltrane loved to pun the last syllable of his last name in song titles, too).  I don't keep up with newer jazz releases much, but I bet they still do this.

& I like it!

Milk

Talking about milking a theme for all it's worth!  Or maybe not - well.  No use crying over spilt milk.  Hey!  Are those the only clichés about milk out there?  Maybe I should make a new one, like: this show met the milk before it curdled!  Or maybe: it's better to shower in milk than gargle in wine!  Here's another: don't drink too much milk you will be more likely to fracture your bones!

Whatever the case, here's a show that will momentarily assuage your stomach ulcer but will cause more problems in the end: Self Help Radio's show about milk.  You can listen to it on the Self Help Radio website or if you don't want to have to go there & perhaps scroll down a bit, you can access the show files (it's in two parts) here (part one) & here (part two).  The songs played in each part are below.

I think the last time I ate a bowl of cereal with real milk in it, I got a little sick.  So be careful with this show - you may be lactose intolerant!

(part one)

"How Does A Cow Make Milk?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Show Me How (You Milk The Cow)" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Volume 5: 1949-1950_
"Milk Rock" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

"Milk Cow Blues" Johnnie Lee Wills _The History Of Country & Western Music Vol. 8 (1941)_
"What's The Matter With My Milk Cow?" Casey Bill Weldon _Vol. 1, 1935-1936_
"Malted Milk" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_
"Milk & Water" Amos Milburn _The Best Of Amos Milburn: Down The Road Apiece_
"Sour Milk Cow Blues" Elvis Costello _Goodbye Cruel World_

"My Very Good Friend The Milkman" Fats Waller _1935, Vol. 2_
"The Milkman" The Nits _Les Nuits_
"The Sad Milkman" Sally Timms _Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments For Lost Buckaroos_
"The Milkman Of Human Kindness" Billy Bragg _Life's A Riot With Spy Vs. Spy_
"Milk Man" Deerhoof _Milk Man_

"Brötchen & Milch (No Milk Today)" Four Kings _Pop In Germany, Vol. 1_

(part two)

"Milch Von Der Cocosnuss" Caterina Valente _Mit 1000 Träumen Durch Die Zeit_
"Chocolate Milk" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _¡Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!_
"Pizza & Chocolate Milk" The Terrible Twos _If You Ever See An Owl..._
"Buttermilk" Shelley Berman _Inside Shelley Berman_
"Buttermilk Baby" Merrill E Moore _Western Dance, Vol. 1_

"Safe As Milk (Take 12)" Captain Beefheart _Safe As Milk_
"I Drink Milk" Teen Idles _Flex Your Head_
"Milk Maid" Milky Wimpshake _Popshaped_
"Whistling Thru Milk" The Wibbley Brothers _Go Weird_

"Drinking Milk Again" Appendix Out _Beikoku-Ongaku # 13_
"This Land Flows With Milk" Isobel Campbell _Amorino_
"Milk & Honey" The Monochrome Set _The Best Of The Monochrome Set_

"Milkshake Mademoiselle" Jerry Lee Lewis _Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin On: The Very Best Of Jerry Lee Lewis_
"Milkshake" Poseur _Beat Party!_
"Milkshake" Yuck _Yuck_

Whither Milk?

Eeek!  It's about to happen!  Where did the time go!

Self Help Radio is on the air today from 4 to 6pm with a show about milk.  Lactose tolerant, y'all!

88.1 fm in Lexington, wrfl.fm elsewhere.

I hope the show doesn't make you farty!

Preface To Milk: Is Cow Milk Good For Humans?

It seems to me like the only folks who say so these days are the people who make money from the industry.

Debunking the milk myth

Why milk is bad for you

Six reasons you should avoid dairy at all costs

Those are the first three articles that came up on a Google search.

I stopped eating dairy products because of the way the animals are treated - especially with all the antibiotics they give them - it was a natural step after stopping eating animals.  But it's nice to know that one of the consequences is that it's healthy to do so.

I always liked the sentence: "Cow milk is good for you - if you're a calf."

Milk Commercials

I have always been a little baffled by the longevity - which I suppose means success - of the whole "Got Milk?" ad campaign.  At best it's stupid - oh dear here are some beloved celebrities who don't know how to drink properly - at worst it looks like someone just came all over someone's upper lip.  It's a little gross.

The Japanese have a better idea (& that's a sentence I don't normally say):

Tuesday's Question

On Monday, the Howlin' Brothers showed up to WRFL (I happened to be there) & they played an amazing thirty minute set live on air & they were amazing & it was tons of fun.  It reminded me of my time in Austin & meeting musicians who came down to SXSW & played not just their "showcase" but as many times as anyone would have them.  I love that about musicians - real musicians - they just want to play music.  Anytime, anywhere.

But - network morning shows?

I was up early & flipping the channels for some reason & some commercial country act was playing live on one of the network morning shows.  It was around 8am.  What the hell?  What the fuck?  Who wants to hear - well, forget that it was some horrible commercial country act - but who thinks to him or herself, "Wow, I've just woken up & my first cup of coffee is kicking in - hey! I could use some live music in a New York television studio!"

Answer: no one ever.

& let's not forget the musicians.  They may drive up to a college/community radio station at 1pm to play music, but 8am?  Forget it.  They were out till 4am.  Doing what they love.  But what they love does not translate to 8am anywhere.  Right?  Surely?

Commercial radio robots need not apply.  They're programmed to obey their masters whenever.

I had a question but I think I asked & answered.  I'll leave you with an indie rock related anecdote.

I was somehow made the point person for a band coming to RFL one afternoon to play live.  They were supposed to show up at 2pm but I got a call from their manager that they might be running late.  The reason?  He said, "Breakfast ran long."

I said, "It's 2pm.  We call that lunch."

He said, "Musicians."

Tomorrow

I meant to put this up yesterday, but didn't get around to it today.  I wasn't procrastinating; it's just that it seemed like I had some time between today & tomorrow to get it done.  When I finally did, it wasn't even tomorrow - it was still today.  Which seems a shame.  Because a show about tomorrow belongs in a place called tomorrow.

The show theme was a special request & I hope the requester enjoyed the show.  She (& you) can listen to it now at Self Help Radio's irritating presence on the web.  Or!  If you want to listen to it directly!  Part one is here & part two is here!  There's a list of the songs played on the show below.

Don't worry if you can't listen today - the show will still be there tomorrow.

(part one)

"Science Of Tomorrow" Attileo Mineo _Man In Space With Sounds_
"Stepping Into Tomorrow" Donald Byrd _Stepping Into Tomorrow_

"Tomorrow" The Three O'Clock _Sixteen Tambourines/Baroque Hoedown_
"Tomorrow" Happydeadmen _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Tomorrow" James _Whiplash_
"Tomorrow" The Concretes _In Colour_

"Tomorrow" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Are A Drag_
"Tomorrow" Morrissey _Your Arsenal_
"Tomorrow's Just Another Day" Madness _Total Madness_
"When Tomorrow Comes" Eurythmics _Revenge_
"Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Today" Bart & Friends _Stories With The Endings Changed_

"All Tomorrows Parties" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Kicking Against The Pricks_

(part two)
"Why Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow?" Pelle Carlberg _In A Nutshell_
"Tomorrow Never Comes" Club 8 _The Friend I Once Had_
"Tomorrow Comes Today" Gorillaz _Gorillaz_

"Tomorrow Never Knows" The Chameleons _Strange Times_
"No Tomorrow" The Boyfriends _The Boyfriends_
"The Day Before Tomorrow" BMX Bandits _The 53rd & 3rd Years_

"Will You Love Me Tomorrow" The Shapiros _The Shapiros_
"With Tomorrow" This Mortal Coil _Blood_
"This Time Tomorrow" The Kinks _Lola Versus Powerman & The Money-Go-Round_
"Tomorrow Night" Shoes _Shoes' Best_
"Today Will Be Yesterday Tomorrow" Big Hello _Apple Album_

"Look Out, Here Comes Tomorrow" Bikeride _Ocean Park Paradox_
"Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" Tony Blackburn _Is There Another Way To Love You?_
"Wonder What I'll Do Tomorrow" Dislocation Dance _Music Music Music/Slip That Disc!_

Whither Tomorrow?

I am doing this show became someone (who asked not to be named) (I'm glad I asked if she minded if I mentioned her name) (oops, should I mention her gender?) (too late!) asked me to & told me three songs I should play.  I'm going to play two of them.  That'll teach her!

There were too many damn songs about tomorrow.  I listened to over a hundred of them.  They stretched all the way from yesterday to - well, you know.

It's on today! Friday! March 22! From 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl.fm.  Listen!

Tomorrow - aha! - I may put it up on self help radio dot net.  Or maybe the day after tomorrow...

Preface To Tomorrow: Procrastination

I'll write this blog post tomorrow.

The Road Down The Lake

I have been having a few drinks thoughts I mean about the road down the lake.  First of all bear with me it does seem weird for a road to exist somewhat down a lake and that road not as a rule being underwater but I don't know if this is common and only I just haven't seen it before.  I have asked an architect friend well he's not exactly an architect but he has a righteous collection of model airplanes which he says he built with his own hands and I believe him because he smells of model airplane glue a not unpleasant smell but you do get a headache around him after a time and I'll admit it also a little dizzy.  What was I talking about.  Yes, he says that the road down the lake is somewhat improbably but not impossible because look it's right there and there's a good chance the Romans also once built a road down a lake since despite not being as creative as the Greeks the Romans were innovators in things like roads and aqueducts.  My friend Jane asked me when I mentioned that where exactly the Romans built a road down a lake and I admit I didn't know if they ever really did but that didn't stop me from bluffing a little bit because and saying this doesn't make me a bad person I do like it when I can impress Jane who is everybody says one of the most impressive people you'll ever meet although has this ever happened to you you meet someone and they're really impressive but you can't quite figure out later what it was about them that impressed you.  Jane is a little like that as is her boyfriend Chester who however does have incredible upper body strength and without at least I think this and I have no reason to doubt it without lifting weights or other physical activities.  He by the way thinks that the road down the lake was built by Indian tribes who used to live in this area despite the fact that it's only been around for a few years and in fact before the road was there it was and the lake too a shopping center that was the center of shopping activities in this glum suburb well into the 1970s until a gigantic mall was built a few lakes down and that meant the slow sad decline of the shopping center first as a gigantic bingo parlor which used to be the Piggly-Wiggly and then the inevitable purchase and neglect by a multinational lake consortium which I'm sure you already guessed was as foreign as it was aquatically inclined.  Anyway at some point I guess I'll bike to the road down the lake and see if it goes anywhere because so far it's not on my GPS nor on Google Maps but since I have you here can I ask if there are any roads down your lakes and if so would it be worth my while to bike down because I'd hate to go all that way and not find anything you know?

Happy Willis Birthday Bruce!

Bridges

I just noticed - I now have more "notes" - which are just me reporting that my show is now available for downloading - than "likes."  I always seem to take my show to new heights (or is it depths?) of patheticness.

Oh, & I looked it up - "patheticness" - meaning "the state or quality of being pathetic" - is a word.

The show this past week though was about bridges.  Which has nothing to do with how terrible some things make me feel.  Bridges are neat!  You can listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website, or you can listen to both parts by clicking on their links: part one | part two.  The songs in each part are below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Bridge" Sun Ra _The Singles_
"The Bridge" Neil Young _Time Fades Away_
"The Old Stone Bridge" Emily _Irony EP_

 "Under The Bridges Of Paris" Eartha Kitt _That Bad Eartha_
"Bridge Of Love" Joe Dowell _Hey! Look What I Found, Vol. 5_
"Bridge Over Troubled Water" Senator Sam J. Ervin Jr _Golden Throats, Vol. 2_
"Tower Bridge" Spike Milligan _The Spike Milligan Collection_
"Bridges & Balloons" The Decemberists _Picaresqueties_

"The Brooklyn Bridge" Frank Sinatra _The Best Of The Columbia Years 1943  - 1952_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Bobby Bare _Detroit City & Other Hits_
"Brooklyn Bridge" Darren Hanlon _Little Chills_
"The Westminster Bridge Song" Vermont Sugar House _Carlton Gardens_

"Bridge" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_

(part two)

"Burning Bridges" The Mike Curb Congregation _Super Hits Of The '70s - Have A Nice Day! Vol. 5_
"Not Quite Burning Bridges" Tullycraft _The Singles_
"Burning Bridges" Louise Burns _Mellow Drama_
"Burning Bridges" Friends _Far & Away EP_

"London Bridges" This Is Ivy League _This Is Ivy League_
"London Bridge" Sage Francis _Li(f)e_
"London Bridge Is Falling Down" Newtrament _Electro Funk Sessions_
"Golden Gate Bridge" Rose Melberg _Portola_

"Under The Bridge" The Motorcycle Boy _You & Me Against The World_
"Another Bridge" Everything But The Girl _Eden_
"Tarrilup Bridge" The Triffids _Born Sandy Devotional_
"Throw Aggi Off The Bridge" Black Tambourine _Complete Recordings_

"The Bridge Of Death" Monty Python _The Album Of The Soundtrack Of The Trailer Of The Film Of Monty Python & The Holy Grail_
"Drawbridge" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Summer Of '98_
"Misty Morning, Albert Bridge" The Pogues _Peace & Love_

Whither Bridges?

For a while I lived close to the Ohio River.  I got to drive over it regularly.  Something like that gives one perspective.  Even though so many of them are falling apart, & might possibly collapse while I'm driving over them, I do wish I drove or walked over large, important bridges regularly.  Instead of that, I have to do a radio show about bridges.  Oh well.

It's time again for Self Help Radio.  Sorry about that.  Happening from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington &/or online at wrfl dot fm.  All about bridges.

Do listen!

Preface To Bridges: The Fifteen Most Famous Bridges In The World

Listed here.

& I've only been over two of them.  Sigh.

New Pope

Thanks all who voted for me to be the new pope.  I had a lot of plans, but despite the fact that I am a married man, & also not Catholic, I really thought I had a lock on the "old white guy" thing.  Turns out there are a lot more older dudes involved in the Catholic Church than even I imagined.

Also, you can't become pope in an online poll.  Who knew?  I read this article & thought that online polls really worked!

This is a joke someone's already probably thought of, but the makers of Pope this time have hit upon a winning commercial strategy: people who don't enjoy New Pope can still enjoy Classic Pope, as he's not going anywhere.

The Unexpected, Unwanted Return Of Sugar Substitute (Announced Too Late)

For a long time - 150 episodes! which means 150 weeks! which is almost three years! - I did a general format or freeform radio show called "Sugar Substitute" which I didn't talk about much, since for me the focus has always been Self Help Radio.  When my show was moved to Fridays, I let Sugar Substitute go, off into the ether, thinking I might do it as a podcast or something, but not missing it all that much...

Then, last week, the fellow who does the one-hour show before me, he went "on tour" (what does that mean?) & I told him I could cover that hour (since it's hard to find someone who'll sub just one hour for three weeks, right?).  It only made sense to revive Sugar Substitute, right?

So you can listen to three stray Sugar Substitute episodes - well, you missed the first one, but it's available for listening on Self Help Radio dot net - Fridays at three before Self Help Radio for three weeks.  Then, who knows?  Maybe I'll do a podcast or something...