Whither Hell?

Happy Halloween a week early!  Tonight's show examines HELL!

Might it be like this?  Only Jack Chick knows for sure!  & he'll tell you.  Over & over.  Beat you over the head with it, really.

People often say to me things like, "Self Help Radio can go to hell."  Tonight it does!  Two hours of musical theology as we explore hell in song.  Also, I'll do my best to guarantee I'll go to hell by saying blasphemous things on the air.  Win/win!

Ten pm to midnight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm.  Listen as if your soul depended on it!

Preface To Hell: Halloween Accounting

I've been doing Self Help Radio for like eleven years now.  Halloween is one of those holidays I like to celebrate with a different theme each year related to it.  I could do one of those "general" shows like I do during Christmas, especially since I'm running out of themes.  Look:

2003 - "Halloween"
2004 - no Halloween show
2005 - "Vampires"
2006 - "Monsters"
2007 - "Zombies"
2008 - "Witches"
2009 - "Werewolves"
2010 - "Haunted Houses"
2011 - "Graveyards"
2012 - "Nightmares"

This week is about "Hell."  But aren't I running out of Halloween themes?  Here are a few future idears:

- Mummies
- Voodoo
- Japanese Monsters

If you have any others, I'd be glad to hear them.  While I don't know if I'm going to be doing the show for three more years - you never know! - I'd like to have a bunch of ideas to fall back on.

Everything Oldie Is New Again

There's a radio shift - five to seven a.m. - on Thursday mornings on WRFL that the student who took it in September decided not to ever show up for.  It has caused the station's Program Director a great deal of grief.  A couple of weeks ago, I told him, "I can sub it until you find someone."  The autumn had been generally mild, & I didn't see the harm in waking up early just to play on the radio for a couple of hours.  Then a cold front swept through...

It'll be in the 30s (Fahrenheit) tomorrow morning.  Brrr.  But I am a little glad that I am temporarily holding down this spot - my first radio show, on KVRX, in Austin, was from five to seven in the morning, starting in August 1994.

Which means I've been doing this for almost twenty years.

At the time, KVRX was a few years old, but had never broadcast on air in Austin.  Those were the days of "cable fm."  In fact, KVRX had just changed its call letters from KTSB in anticipation of getting an fm license (there was - is? - a KTSB elsewhere).  When I went to KVRX in the summer of 1994, I had no desire to be a disc jockey - I had just wanted to volunteer & help out, maybe review some CDs.  I didn't know I'd be starting a lifelong love affair.  Someone should have warned me!

In those days. two long decades ago, I didn't have a car, so I'd wake at 3:30 am, shower, & walk to the station.  I lived near 45th street & Red River in Austin, so the walk would take about 45 minutes.  It was Texas, so there was rarely, if ever, terrible weather with which to contend.  I don't remember, for example, having to walk in extreme cold or rain.  I must have - but I walked everywhere in those days, or bussed.

Now I get up, let the dogs out, brush my teeth, & drive to the station in the cold.  I bet that WRFL is closer to me now than KVRX was.  But I don't trust weather reports - it might be below freezing tomorrow morning.

Before WRFL got rid of three-hour blocks, I separated the three hours I spent on the radio into two shows, Self Help Radio & a freeform show I called "Sugar Substitute," after the wonderful Luxuriator song.  I even archived those shows.

But I'm not calling this little two hour block Sugar Substitute because it ain't my show.  It's just me helping out, making sure someone else doesn't have to schlep up to the station at a godawful time of the morning to drowsily spin tunes.  Except it isn't godawful.  No one's on the road.  It's strangely peaceful.

Except, you know, that one person who's driving like he (it's usually a he) really fucking needs to be somewhere twelve minutes ago even though there's no one but me on the road with him.  If he could honk & curse at me for taking my sweet time he would.

This little detour on the radio has reminded me how much I liked the world when it's mostly asleep.  Part of my misanthropy, perhaps, or memories of staying up late & wandering around Garland, Texas, at a young adult trying to figure out life.

Now, though, I kind of wish I had been able to spend that time on the radio.  The closest community radio station to where I lived was (& still is) KNON in Dallas.  I can't even imagine how far of a walk that would have been.

Self Help Radio 101813: Sam's Show

Hi, I'm Sam.  Gary made a show for me.  Then he said I had to talk about it.  I said, I don't want to.  He said, tough, I made a show for you now you've got to say something about it.  I said, I didn't ask for any show.  What sort of weirdo makes a radio show full of songs about someone named Sam & then springs it on him?  He said, you've never loved me!  I said, I barely know you!

Anyway, the show is now on the Self Help Radio website.  If you don't want to go there - I sure don't - but your name is Sam & you're curious, the show is in two parts, & there are quick links here: for part one & for part two.  I think Gary puts a list of songs below.

Oh man, he made one of those graphics.  This is too much.  I'm going to get a restraining order.

Sincerely,
Sam

(part one)

"Everybody's Talking About Sammy" Sam Morgan's Jazz Band _Jazz The World Forgot_
"Chizzlin' Sam (feat. Eva Taylor)" Clarence Williams' Jug Band _Clarence Williams & His Orchestra, Vol. 1: 1933-1934_
"Sam The Hot Dog Man" Lil Johnson _Raunchy Business: Hot Nuts & Lollypops_

"One Eyed Sam" Eldon Baker & His Brown County Revellers _Roots n' Blues - The Retrospective_
"Three Ball Sam (The Pawn Shop Man)" Pearl Traylor with Chuck Thomas & His All Stars _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_
"Flat Foot Sam Met Jim Dandy" TV Slim _Chess Rhythm & Roll_
"Switch Blade Sam" Jeff Daniels _Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly_
"Who Shot Sam" Wanda Jackson _Rockin' With Wanda!_

"Uncle Sam's Blues" Hot Lips Page _The Savoy Story_
"Uncle Sam Says" Josh White _Songs For Political Action: Folk Music, Topical Songs & The American Left 1935-1954, Vol 2 - Theatre & Cabaret Performers 1936-1941_
"Uncle Sam Come & Get Him" Wee Bea Booze _The Ladies In Blues_
"Greetings (This Is Uncle Sam)" The Valadiers _The Complete Motown Singles 1959-1961_
"Please Uncle Sam (Send Back My Man)" The Charmels _Does Anybody Know I'm Here?: Vietnam Through The Eyes Of Black America 1962-1972_

"Sam's Song" Sammy Davis Jr. & Dean Martin _The Sammy Davis Jr. Show With Special Guests Stars_
"Sam" The Castaways _The Big Hits Of Mid-America: The Soma Records Story 1963 - 1967_

(part two)

"Remember Sam" The Easybeats _Gonna Have A Good Time: The Complete US & UK Singles Collection_
"Mohair Sam" Mouse & The Traps _The Fraternity Years_
"Sammy" The Montanas _Ripples, Volume 2: Dreamtime (British Sunshine Pop)_
"Sammy" Ernie Smith _The Best Of Ernie Smith_

"Damn Sam The Miracle Man" Damn Sam The Miracle Man & The Soul Congregation _Damn Sam The Miracle Man & The Soul Congregation_
"Sam" Hurricane Smith _Don't Let It Die_
"Sam The Samba Man" Rah Band _Sam The Samba Man_
"Sam Loves You" Severed Heads _Come Visit The Big Bigot_
"Telegram Sam" Bauhaus _Swing The Heartache: The BBC Sessions_

"Sam" Meat Puppets _Forbidden Places_
"Lucifer Sam" True West _Hollywood Holiday_
"Sam" Boss Hog _Boss Hog_
"Sam Hall" Richard Thompson _1000 Years Of Popular Music_
"Sam & Molly Are In Love" Little Name _How To Swim & Live_

"Goodbye Sam Hello Samantha" Cliff Richard _Jackie The Album_
"Samantha Secret Agent" All Girl Summer Fun Band _2_
"Samantha" The Mantles _The Mantles_

Preface To Sam's Show: These Are The Sams I Know

I would like to list the Sams I know for you.

I think there's a Sam currently at WRFL.  I don't know if we've met, or if he has a show this semester.  But I have him in my email contacts.  He seems to have written to the mailing list or something in the past few months.

There used to be a Sam at the station who was Program Manager for a while.  He's not there anymore.  I think the last time I saw him was last summer.

My wife works with a Sam who seems nice.  He brews his own beer, but, unlike everyone I've ever met who does that, his beer is quite good.

I have a lot of emails from Sam Harris, whom I admire a great deal.  But of course we're not friends.  I do love to read his blog, though.  His emails remind me to do that.

Okay, so I don't have a lot of Sams in my life, it appears.  Well.

There are many musicians named Sam, the most famous of which is perhaps Sam Cooke.  But of course one of the rules of Self Help Radio is that, unless the musician him- or her- or them-self/selves is/are the theme, they aren't eligible.

Have I ever written down the dumb rules I follow?  I probably should.  That'll show me!

If it appears strange to you that the dude who does Self Help Radio might do a show called "Sam's Show" & not have that many Sams in his life, then I ask you this: is it weird that I did a show about gangs & have never been in one? or that I did a show called "boom" but have never exploded? or did a show about alligators & crocodiles but do not have any currently as a friend?  I hope that settles the erroneous direction you were taking with this.  I mean, really, why be so serious?  It's not like you even listen to my show.

I swear.

Oh, I'd watch this!

Self Help Radio 101311: 1968 Revisited - 11th Anniversary Show!

Self Help Radio turned eleven & there was too much cake.  I still have cake in my shorts.  & a lit candle!  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!

Lots of music I didn't play the first time around, for whatever reason.  Listen to the show here.  Oh, if you need to access it directly - & it's in two parts - you can listen to part one or part two, whatever you prefer.  You know me, I'm in no position to judge.  Songs played listed in song playlist below.

Can you imagine, eleven years?  & never been kissed?

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Part One (Except)" Frank Zappa _Lumpy Gravy_
"Big" Red Krayola _God Bless The Red Krayola & All Who Sail With It_
"Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him (Excerpt)" Firesign Theatre _Waiting For The Electrician Or Someone Like Him_

"Lady Godiva's Operation" The Velvet Underground _White Light/White Heat_
"No One Is There" Nico _The Marble Index_
"Bat Macumba" Os Mutantes _Os Mutantes_
"Beatle Bones 'N' Smokin' Stones" Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band _Strictly Personal_

"Once Upon A Time In The West" Ennio Morricone _Once Upon A Time In The West_
"Song Of Innocence" David Axelord _Songs Of Innocence_
"On The Bed" George Harrison _Wonderwall Music_
"Mothers & Fathers" Bill Cosby _200 MPH_

"Marijuana" The Fugs _It Crawled Into My Hand, Honest_
"I Like Marijuana" David Peel & The Lower East Side _Have A Marijuana_

(part two)

"The Garden Of Earthly Delights" The United States Of America _The United States Of America_
"A Soldier's Prayer 1967" Archie Bell & The Drells _Tighten Up_
"The War Is Over" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_

"Ford Mustang" Serge Gainsbourg _Initials B.B._
"Some Velvet Morning" Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood _Nancy & Lee_
"The Girls & The Dogs" Scott Walker _Scott 2_
"La Bière" Jacques Brel _J'arrive_

"Beautiful Zelda" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _The Doughnut In Granny's Greenhouse_
"Mr. Tambourine Man" William Shatner _The Transformed Man_
"Highly Illogical" Leonard Nimoy _Two Sides Of Leonard Nimoy_
"Motorcycle Ride" Bruce Haack _The Way-Out Record For Children_
"On The Old Front Porch" Tiny Tim _God Bless Tiny Tim_

"Lovefingers" Silver Apples _Silver Apples_
"Come Around" Skip Bifferty _Skip Bifferty_
"Quartet No. 6 In D Minor" The Free Design _You Could Be Born Again_
"Nice To See You" The Left Banke _The Left Banke Too_

Whither 1968 (Again)?

It's the eleventh anniversary of Self Help Radio!  Can you believe someone out there has allowed this show to go on for eleven years?  The quality police have been sleeping on the job,

As I was explaining yesterday, I have taken to using the anniversary of my show as a chance to revisit an old theme.  I have new themes every week; but surely something new has been recorded in the intervening years (or I've discovered something that I previously didn't know existed) that would fit an old theme.  It's a chance to re-do the show, or even undo it.

I decided to re-do my show about my favorite music from 1968, actually, by un-doing it.  That sounds better than what's really happening: I'm just playing music that I didn't play the first time around.  I'm also playing music I totally forgot about the first time around.  I didn't play anything from White Light/White Heat!  What the hell!  But my show was only an hour long then.  I say as if it's an excuse.

So you won't hear the Beatles, Tyrannosaurus Rex, the Kinks, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, Van Morrison, the Zombies, Can, Herbie Hancock, or Peter Brötzmann tonight.  I played them the first time I did a 1968 show.  Luckily there were lots & lots of other great records (& some utterly ridiculous ones) that came out that year.  I'll be playing those!

I would also like to say out loud that reminding myself of what music I really loved from any particular year has been made sooooo easy thanks to the Rate Your Music web site.  I don't agree with probably most of their rankings but it does serve as a handy list of releases from a particular year.  It took hours off my preparation - I would otherwise have been looking at copyright notices & trying to determine from memory when something came out.

It's on tonight!  From 10pm to midnight!  88.1 fm in Lexington!  wrfl.fm online!

Listen!  It'll be a happy anniversary!

Preface To 1968: What?!? 1968 Again?!?

This week is my eleventh anniversary week.  My first official Self Help Radio show was October 9, 2002.  During this week, I revisit an old theme.

Now, eleven years make a lot of themes.  There's a lot I could revisit.  It's a hard decision to make - but I also don't want to repeat myself - some themes I might not be able to improve upon with a second chance.

I had an idea during that first year - it was actually barely four months into the show - I had no idea that I would be doing this show for eleven years! - the idea I had was that, during the week of my birthday, I would play music that I loved most from the year of my birth - & then move forward each year.  So the next year, I'd do 1969 (I was born in 1968), & the year after that, 1969, etc.

It occurred to me that I might want to revisit 1968 again.  But what did I play the first time?


"Julia" The Beatles _The Beatles_
"Weilder Of Words" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Our People Were Fair & Wore Stars In Their Hair_
"Animal Farm" The Kinks _The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society_
"Folsom Prison Blues" Johnny Cash _Johnny Cash At Folsom Prison_

"Dear Doctor" Rolling Stones _Beggars Banquet_
"What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?" Frank Zappa _We're Only In It For The Money_
"The Way Young Lovers Do" Van Morrison _Astral Weeks_
"Maybe After He's Gone" Zombies _Odessey & Oracle_
"Uphill" Can _Delay_

"The Sorceror" Herbie Hancock _Speak Like A Child_
"Machine Gun (take two)" Peter Brötzmann Octet _Machine Gun_

I also played a Leonard Cohen song from his first album, but I have discovered that his first record was released in 1967, so I cheated on that.  Oh my.

The point is, why play it again?  & if so, what should I play?  If I've already played the music that I loved most from 1968, what comes next?  Two hours of second best?  Or what?

I'll try & answer that tomorrow.

Writerly Advice

I was up at the radio station today & one of the student programmers was trying to finish an assignment for a creative writing class.  The assignment was to come up with five or so ideas for a short story.  He seemed put out, & so I suggested he write about some of the ridiculous things that had happened at the radio station.

He said that he always thought writing about his own life was lame.  That seems to be a new thing - back in the day when I wanted to be a writer, the idea was that you wrote about what you knew, & what you knew was of course your own life & experiences.

By the way, yes, I wanted to be a writer.  The writing on this blog should serve as the reason that I didn't.  I figured out before it was too late that I wasn't a very good writer at all.

Anyway, I confessed to the student that I wanted to be a writer & that all I ever really wrote about was myself.  I said, "I kind of always wanted to be like Jack London, you know, going out & having adventures that I could write about."

"Why didn't you?" he said.

"I realized," I said, "that I didn't really care too terribly much about other people & therefore couldn't muster up the interest to write about them."

That may seem a little self-involved, but it's more or less true - I could have gone out & had some kind of experience but I probably wouldn't have paid a hell of a lot of attention to the people around me & definitely wouldn't have taken the time to try to capture their dialect or the things that interested them.  Because chances are they wouldn't have interested me.  Writers, it seems, should have hungrier minds than I have.

As well, I've never been good at extracting wisdom or insight from experiences I had.  A short story of the experience would be more like a set of declarative sentences stating facts than something that wrung meaning out of a life event.  When I did try to do that, ouch, it felt forced.

Have I ever shared one of my short stories here?  They're not very good.  They all end with the protagonist (usually me) just leaving,  A cafe, a house, a room, a car.  Exiting.  In general, they have no plot, & they don't begin or end.  They just kind of stop continuing to the next page.

I urged him to write about things that happened to him, though.  What the hell.  It could just be one idea of his five.

I don't know if he took my advice.

Self Help Radio 131004: Gangs

Oh shit.  Oh shit.  I'm supposed to say something about this week's show but I haven't prepared anything.  Uh.  I did a radio show.  Um.  You know, like you do.  Like I do.  Friday I think.  What was the theme?  How the fuck should I know?  Top of the page?  Oh.  Gangs.  Yeah, it was about gangs.  It was full of songs.  I might need to change my medication.

Can we just say "it's now at the website?  What?  Tell them, not you?  Tell who?  Fuck, is this live?  What?  Part one?  Part two?  List of songs?  I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I only wish someone loved me.

(part one)

"That Old Gang Of Mine" Billy Murray & Ed Smalle _The Denver Nightingale_
"Construction Gang" Butterbeans & Susie _The Complete Joseph "King" Oliver Heritage 1923-1931, Volume 2_
"Heigh-Ho The Gang's All Here" Joan Crawford & Fred Astaire _The History of Pop-Radio 1933-1936_

"I'm Free From The Chain Gang Now" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"Chain Gang Blues" Johnny Temple _Broke, Black & Blue, Vol. 4: Jumpin' At The Club Blue Flame_
"Chain Gang Boun'" Josh White _Songs For Political Action: Folk Music, Topical Songs & The American Left 1935-1954 CD2 Theatre & Cabaret Performers 1936-1941_
"Chain Gang" Bobby Scott _The London American Label - Year By Year - 1956_
"Chain Gang" Otis Redding _The Soul Album_

"Join The Gang" David Bowie _London Boy_
"Gangster Of Love (Pts. 1 & 2)" Jimmy Norman _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Liquid Gang" T.Rex _Zinc Alloy_
"I'm The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!)" Gary Glitter _Remember Me This Way_

"Gangsters" The Specials _The Specials_
"Plastic Gangsters" The 4-Skins _The Good, The Bad, & The 4-Skins_

(part two)

"Gangster Funk" Crime _Gangster Funk_
"Gangster Of Love" Talking Heads _Sand In The Vaseline_

"Gangsta Gangsta" NWA _Straight Outta Compton_
"Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" Geto Boys _10th Anniversary: Rap-A-Lot Records Hip Hop_
"Gangsta Bitch" Apache _Apache Ain't Shit_

"Street Gang" A.R.E. Weapons _A.R.E. Weapons_
"First Of The Gang To Die" Morrissey _You Are The Quarry_
"Rumble With The Gang Debs" Tullycraft _Disenchanted Hearts Unite_
"Cape & Stick Gang" Momus _The Ultraconformist_

"Ol' Gang" The Fall _Levitate_
"Sheena's In A Goth Gang" The Cramps _Big Beat From Badsville_

Whither Gangs?

I told someone last week that I've always had that Groucho Marx inclination - "I don't care to belong to any club that would have me as a member" - although in some senses WRFL & the other radio stations I've been involved with are kinds of clubs & I was happy they had me as a member (though of course deejays is generally a solitary activity).  But is WRFL a gang?  We should be getting our jackets any day.

I should've written something about how an average day at WRFL makes Sons Of Anarchy seem tame.

"Gang" has many meanings & we're not just going to talk about street gangs or biker gangs or gang bangs or bang gangs tonight.  (I don't think we're going to be talking about gang bangs at all, actually.  They're gross.)  The songs will explore all kinds of gangs.  But I do need to start reading up about gang activity in the United States.

The show's on tonight (!) from 10 to midnight (Eastern) on 88.1 fm WRFL.  You can listen at if you so choose.  You don't even have to be part of the WRFL gang!

Preface To Gangs: Unedited Gangsta

I'll talk a little tomorrow about Gangsta Rap & even play a couple of songs, but I can't play their full, unedited versions.  Even with safe harbor, WRFL doesn't allow so many bad words & n-bombs.  Which is a shame.  A couple of these songs are kind of amazing.  Here are their original versions courtesy of Youtube - listen tomorrow to the show for awkward edits:





Interestingly, both unedited versions are longer than their radio-friendly versions.

The Obligatory Post About "Breaking Bad"

I watched Breaking Bad.  I enjoyed the hell out of it.  I am going to miss it.

I mean, I've watched every episode of lots of television shows now, & usually I keep watching them long after I've stopped enjoying them (Weeds, anyone?).  It was nice to have a series stay strong to the very end.

I find myself looking at this picture I posted to Facebook with the line "Breaking Bad's shocking ending spoiler alert!":

I thought it might make me a little sad, but I now find this picture a little creepy.  I mean, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this is not the picture that the actors posed for.  Aaron Paul looks really, really confused & a little uncomfortable.  Bryan Cranston looks the very definition of  bemused.  Why does Anna Gunn seem so pleased?

There's got to be another, more posed photo of the three of them in bed.  There's got to.

I'll go look around for it now.

Also, if you're up at 5am tomorrow morning, I'll be on the radio.  Just putting it out there.

Self Help Radio 092713: Lines

Here's something dumb: every time I think of songs about "lines," the Thompson Twins song "Lies" pops into my head, but I hear the chorus as "Lines, lines, lines, yeah."  I should've played it.  That would have shamed my brain & its diminishing powers!

Instead, here are a bunch of songs about lines.  All different kinds of line.  You can see the list below.  You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio web site, or you can listen to the show direct-like by clicking here: part I &/or part II.

Thanks for listening between the lines!

(part one)

"On The Picket Line" Manhattan Chorus _Songs For Political Action: Folkmusic, Topical Songs, & The American Left 1926-1953, Vol. 1 - The Leftist Roots Of The Folk Revival
"Rock Island Line" Lead Belly _Lead Belly & Woody Guthrie: Folkways, The Original Vision_
"I Walk The Line" The Everly Brothers _The Price Of Fame_
"Walkin' Down The Line" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series, Vol. 1_

"Lines" Noh Mercy _Noh Mercy_
"Walked In Line" Joy Division _Still_
"Parallel Lines (Demo)" Subway Sect _Babylon's Burning: The Rough & Ready Rise Of Punk 1973 - 1978_
"Head Lines" George Carlin _On The Road_

"Life On The Line" Fad Gadget _Under The Flag_
"Laugh Lines" Cocteau Twins _Peppermint Pig_
"All Lined Up" Shriekback _Care_
"88 Lines About 44 Women" The Nails _Mood Swing_

"White Lines (Don't Do It)" Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel _The Best Of Sugar Hill Records_

(part two)

"The Bottom Line" Big Audio Dynamite _This Is Big Audio Dynamite_
"Disco Hotline" National Lampoon _That's Not Funny, That's Sick_
"Telegraph Line" Jaime Aff & Christine Langner _Schoolhouse Rock: Science Rock_
"Breaking Lines" The Pastels _C86_

"Between The Lines" The Sullivans _The Sullivans_
"Circle Line" Rodney Allen _Happysad_
"Sign On The Line" The Fizzbombs _Sign On The Line_
"Waterline" Lloyd Cole _Lloyd Cole_
"High Tension Line" The Fall _Shift-Work_

"I'm The End Of The Family Line" Morrissey _Kill Uncle_
"Going For A Walk With A Line" Momus _Folktronic_
"Punchlines" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"Wichita Lineman" Optiganally Yours _Spotlight On Optiganally Yours_

"Grey Lines" Arson Welles _Inside The System Is The Spark_
"Crooked Lines" The Go-Betweens _Bright Orange Bright Yellow_
"End Of The Line" Nina Simone _Four Women_

Whither Lines?

I can no longer walk a straight line.  There are lines all over my aging face.  I can't even see the lines I used to think I could read between.  (Okay, that last one was me ripping off Brian Eno.)  I should do a radio show about lines.

I will!  In an hour, on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington! You can listen online at WRFL dot fm!  Call or come by!  I promise, there won't be a line.

Just lots of songs about lines.

Preface To Lines: What If I Can't Remember My Lines?

I used to think I had a good memory, until I realized how fallible memory is.  But I have been able to memorize lots of things in my life, including pretty much every Elvis Costello song before 1990, & all the Smiths songs too.  & more.

But I've never had to memorize an entire play.  I knew a woman who had acted in a couple of plays with the Shakespeare At Winedale program in the 1990s - something I didn't know about until long after I'd finished school, or else I might have wanted to audition for it, & spend a summer doing.

(It's funny, at the radio station the other day, one of the kids there returned from a job fair & was complained how square everyone there was - how they were mainly hiring accountants.  But she mentioned that someone was there from the State Department & that person said, "If you work for the State Department, you will probably spend your entire career overseas."  I had never heard that before. I never went to a job fair.  I want to work for the State Department at the age of 22!)

I have had to memorize things for class before, & I have gotten extremely nervous doing so.  Here are two stories about that (both involve Shakespeare):

First story.  In 10th grade, we read Julius Caesar, & we had to come after class (I guess to spare us the embarrassment of performing for our classmates?) (or perhaps so the teacher didn't want to waste time it would take to have a class stumble through the lines) & recite three passages.  They were Caesar's "cowards die a thousand times" speech, Antony's funeral oration for Caesar, & Antony's last speech over Brutus' body.  I was able to get through the first two with no problem, but toward the end I began to comprehend the enormity of my situation: I was reciting for a grade words that I might or might not have in my head to a woman sitting very close to me who could fail me if I messed up.  It didn't help that I was looking at her & she kept writing things down that I wasn't able to read.  I naturally became very nervous.

I did my best to keep it together but no one told my leg that.  It began to tremble at the last speech ("This was the noblest Roman of them all") & I struggled through those few lines while trying to keep my body from spazzing out.

The result?  At the end the teacher, Mrs. Phillips, said to me, "I was very impressed how emotional you got at the end of the speech there.  I really felt you understood Antony's words."

Oh good lord.

Second story.  A couple of years later, in Mrs. Kilpatrick's class, I had to memorize the Malcolm & Macduff dialogue (Act 4, Scene 3).  Now I can't remember who I was, but since we had to perform this in front of the class, I wanted to make sure I did a good job, & I memorized the whole damn thing.  The thing was, I was doing it with someone else, a fellow whose name I won't mention but he was a tall, blond, good-looking & well-liked fellow who also may have been the Senior Class President.

(I have no idea whether this is true or not, since I don't really trust my memory, but I do remember looking him up a few years ago & finding a person with his name teaching at a conservative college out west.  He had apparently gone into ROTC after high school.  That did not surprise me.)

I don't recall if I were Malcolm or Macduff & none of that matters.  The other person didn't really learn his lines so I would say mine perfectly & he would need cueing from the teacher.  The point of this story is that, when we were out in the halls practicing, he said something to me that made me realize I wasn't such a mutant after all.  He said, "Dickerson, man, I really gotta take a shit right now."

I had always thought that it was something defective about my G-I tract that nervousness made me need to void my bowels.  If someone as normal & well-adjusted as the Senior Class President had the same reaction, that was a wow moment.  I didn't even mind that he fucked up the scene, which I had spent hours more time on than he did: I felt a little less alone in the world.

Oh, & yeah: people in my high school called me by my last name.  Mainly the boys did, but I didn't really talk to girls, & they most certainly didn't talk to me.  I think it's because of gym class.  We were all called by our last names in gym class.

My Favorite Church Sign

This is one of my favorite church signs (the sign, not the slogan, though I don't like this slogan).  I pass by it every day, & the people who maintain the sign change it every week.  & it's usually a little embarrassing.

Like this one: I don't think the people who put the sign up realize that when you put words in quotation marks, you imply that you don't quite mean what you're saying.  As the Wikipedia notes in its article on quotation marks:


Another common use of quotation marks is to indicate or call attention to ironic or apologetic words:
He shared his "wisdom" with me.
The lunch lady plopped a glob of "food" onto my tray.

The sign therefore suggests that the things that God (assuming it's the Christian god) does are "impossible" - meaning he does things that aren't really impossible at all.  The truly impossible things - influencing sports contests through prayer, creating storms to punish behavior he doesn't approve of, giving powers to heal to people who seems like charlatans - he really can't do.

I don't think they meant it that way.  Oops!

This week's - I don't have a picture - says, "HAVE A GOD DAY."  Really?  Assuming they mean the Christian god, are we supposed to walk with prostitutes, lepers, & the poor, & try to heal them, & spread the message that we are the son of the one true god up there?  Should we treat our supper as our last?  Should we go to the desert & fast until we hallucinate that we do battle with a demon?

Or do we have to go back & create the universe?  That could take some doing.  "Let there be light!" I would scream - & then my wife would flip a switch & call me a weirdo.

It's easier, I guess, than having a Zeus day, I suppose.  Jesus, how hard must it be to try to rape someone in a swan outfit?  Never mind as a shower of gold!

Self Help Radio 130920: Boom!

Here is my radio show designed to promote this year's Boomslang Festival by not playing any of the bands that appeared but instead concentrating on playing songs in which someone sang "boom" at least once.  I just can't understand why people don't pay me to promote events.

Boom!  The show is here!  Boom boom!  It's in two parts: boom goes one, boom goes two!  Boom boom boom!  The list of booming songs is below.

Hope you went to Boomslang & had a great time!

(part one)

"Boom Pacha Boom" Billy Byrd & His Penguins _Great Googa Mooga_
"Sh-Boom" The Crew Cuts _The Best Of The Crew Cuts: The Mercury Years_
"Chick-A-Boom (That's My Baby)" Flamingos _The Complete Chess Masters_

"Boom Boom" John Lee Hooker _Burnin'_
"Boom Boom Baby" Huelyn Duvall _Is You Is Or Is You Ain't_
"Boob, Deedy Boom" Claudia Baran _Boob, Deedy Boom_
"Boom Oo Yatta Ta Ta" Morecambe & Wise _British Comedy Classics_
"The Boom Boom Man" Freddy Cannon _Freddy Cannon: His Latest & Greatest_

"Sophisticated Boom Boom" The Shangri-Las _The Leader Of The Pack_
"Boom Bang-A-Bang" Lulu _Really!! They Sing It In German! Vol. 1_
"Boom Shacka Laka" Hopeton Lewis & Chosen Few _Gay Jamaican Independence Time_
"Chick-A-Boom (Don't Ya Jes' Love It)" Daddy Dewdrop _Super Hits Of The '70s: Have A Nice Day! Vol. 5_
"Heavy Makes You Happy (Sha-Na-Boom Boom)" The Staple Singers _Soul Hits Of The 70s: Didn't It Blow Your Mind!, Vol. 4_

"Things That Go Boom In The Night" Bush Tetras _Boom In The Night (1980-83)_
"The Rock-A-Boom" The Revillos _Rev Up_

(part two)

"Boom Boom" Trio _Trio & Error_
"Boing Boom Tschak" Kraftwerk _Electric Cafe_
"Sonic Boom Boy" Westworld _Rockulator_

"The Boomin' System" LL Cool J _Mama Said Knock You Out_
"Boom" Flight Of The Conchords _Flight Of The Conchords_
"Doin' The Boom Boom" Eli 'Paperboy' Reed & The True Loves _Roll With You_
"Chick A Boom" Joe Bataan _Ursula 1000: Ursadelica_

"Bim Boom Bam" The Rip-Off Artist _In Through The Out Door_
"Does Your Heart Go Boom?" Helen Love _Radio Hits 3_
"Boom Boom" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_
"Sonic Boom" Andy Patridge _Fuzzy Warbles_
"Satanic Boom Boom Head" Thee Michelle Gun Elephant _Gear Blues_

"What Goes Boom" Pixies _EP1_
"Boom Boom" The Stranglers _Giants_
"Killed By The Boom" The Veils _Sun Gangs_

Whither Boom?

Boom show because Boomslang.  Duh.

I am very tired so hilarity &/or embarrassment will probably ensue.  The only difference between that & a regular show, I suppose, might be the hilarity.

Tonight!  10pm to midnight.  88.1 fm in Lexington & the surround booms; wrfl dot fm everywhere.

Unless you're at Boomslang, which is where you should be.