State Songs 080715: Idaho

(Original images here & here.)

I subbed a fun show on WRFL called "State Songs," it's on Friday mornings from 8 to 9am, & host Ben explores a different state every week.  He couldn't do the show yesterday, & he knows how fond I am of potatoes, so he asked me if I could do a show about Idaho.  Idaho!  I found lots of songs about Idaho.  There might be more songs about Idaho than there are people in Idaho.  Maybe.

The show is available in Idaho as well as everywhere else now at the Self Help Radio website.  You know about the dumb password protection stuff, right?  The passwords are on the front page.  You can find them.  The Idaho songs are listed below.

Esto perpetua!

"The 50 States Song" Sufjan Stevens _The 50 States_
"Here We Have Idaho" Rick Pickren _The State Songs, Vol. 3_
"Idaho" Alvino Rey & His Orchestra _Dance With Me_
"Beautiful Coeur D'Alene" Arkie Shibley & The Mountain Dew Boys _Hot Rod Race_

"Idaho State Fair" Vaughn Monroe _Lady Love_
"Way Out In Idaho" Rosalie Sorrels _Classic Railroad Songs_
"Easy's Gettin' Harder Every Day" Iris DeMent _My Life_
"Moscow Idaho" Rod Picott _Summerbirds_

"Idaho" Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons _The Genuine Imitation Life Gazette_
"Private Idaho" The B-52s _Wild Planet_
"Idaho" The Divine Comedy _Absent Friends_
"Miss Idaho" Ox _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 6_

"Chain Gang" Boise Cover Band _Unoriginal Artists_
"Idaho" The BoDeans _KGSR Broadcasts, Vol. 5_

Self Help Radio 080415: Captains

Boy, that's a shabby image I made right there.  Sorry.  I didn't want to spend too much time on it.  The images were taken from Google, I didn't save where I found them all.  Sorry!

Anyhoo - I did a radio show this week about captains, & it's the reason I'd be thrown to the sharks.  There are plenty of songs about real-life captains, fake-life captains, captains in general, & captains specific.  There's a report from Marge Most about trouble in the world of riverboat captains on the Ohio, there's a call from Mark Miller about famous captains of television & film, & there's an interview with David Fruchter, a cruise ship captain.  I don't know if you're the sort to suffer from what the French call mal de mer, but I have it on terrible authority that this show will give you your sea legs.  Ahoy!

The show can listened to on land but preferably at sea now if you download it from the Self Help Radio website.  Unlike when you're sailing the great oceans, there is a username & a password you'll need to use.  That information is located on the website & not, as you might expect, with the other treasures down in Davy Jones' Locker.  The songs that I play are listed below - the show is two hours long & in two hour-long parts.

Listen or I'll make you walk the plank!

(part one)

"Captain, Won't You Let Me Go Home" Tom Darby & Jimmy Tarlton _Bloody War Songs 1924-1939_
"Captain Kidd" Ella Mae Morse _The Very Best Of Ella Mae Morse_
"Jolly Captain Huddlestead" Jimmie Dolan _Juke Box Boogie_

"Be The Captain" The Beagles _We're The Banana Splits/Here Come The Beagles_
"Captain Of Your Ship" Paper Dolls _Paper Dolls House_
"Capt. Kangaroo" The Suburban 9 To 5 _Sunshine Becomes You_
"Captain Man Pt. 1" Tropical Fish _Syde Trips, Vol. 6_
"Captain Equinox" The Firesign Theatre _Pink Hotel Burns Down_
"Where's Captain Kirk?" Spizz Energi _Where's Captain Kirk?_

"Take A Message To The Captain" Fanny _First Time In A Long Time: The Reprise Recordings_
"Captain Zero" Mixtures _Captain Zero_
"Dancing With The Captain" Paul Nicholas _Jackie: The Album_
"Captain Domino" Promise _Promise_
"Captain's Dead" Guided By Voices _Human Amusements At Hourly Rates - The Best Of Guided By Voices_

"The Ballad Of Laverne & Captain Flint" Guy Clark _Texas Cookin'_
"Captain Kennedy" Neil Young _Hawks & Doves_
"Captain Kidd" Ed McCurdy _Bad Men & Heroes_

(part two)

"The Captain" Leonard Cohen _Various Positions_
"Captain Hook" Shel Silverstein _Where The Sidewalk Ends_
"Captain Courageous (On Disko Island)" John Wesley Harding _The Sound Of His Own Voice_

"Wot" Captain Sensible _Women & Captains First_
"Captain Fantasy" Ween _The Pod_
"Captain Dry" Robyn Hitchcock _While Thatcher Mauled Britain_
"Captain Hampton & The Midget Pirates" The Aquabats _The Fury Of The Aquabats!_

"Captain Pasty" Frank Black _Bluefinger_
"Captain Love" Mock Orange _Captain Love_
"Captain To Captain" I Heart Hiroshima _Tuff Teef_
"Captain" Tarwater _Not Given Lightly: A Tribute To The Giant Golden Book Of New Zealand's Alternative Music_

"Cavalry Captain" The Decemberists _What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World_
"Dream Captain" Deerhunter _Monomania_
"Captain Nemo's Library" The Ethnobabes _Stargazer_

Whither Captains?

(I found this picture here.)

As a child of the 1970s, & someone who didn't apparently know how to have fun, I often spent Saturday nights watching The Love Boat & Fantasy Island.  I remember being a little confused about The Love Boat at first, because the captain was Murray from The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  Murray was hardly a person you'd put in command of anything.  But eventually I was won over by the paternal captain & his sweet, witty crew.  & was only really frightened when Charo was on board.

(Although I would have been horrified to find out where Captain Stubing ended up.)

Of course, the greatest captain of my childhood was Captain James Tiberius Kirk.  The only rival he might have had is Han Solo.  In the science fiction captain of space vessels class.  But Kirk was much more put-together than Han was.  (I feel weird saying "Solo" - the same way I'd never refer to Kirk as "James" or "Jim"). Anyway, Captain Kirk was way cooler to me than Captain America.  & characters like Captain Nemo didn't capture my attention the same way as sci-fi stars did.  What a nerd I was.  & am.

You can pretend this show is a tribute to the captains of my childhood, but I can't really remember why I wanted to do a show about captains in the first place.  I just know I'm going to.  Just like I know I'll never be in charge of a vessel.  Hell, if I were in Starfleet, I'd be an enlisted man.  Maybe work my way up to Chief Petty Officer.  Until I earned my red shirt & am killed right away on an away mission.

Hey!  Self Help Radio is on today from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 WRFL Lexington.  It should be streaming simultaneously on wrfl dot fm.  If the weather's good & we don't sail into a perfect storm, I'll archive the show on the Self Help Radio website tomorrow.  But you'll want to hear it live.

That's an order, sailor!

Preface To Captains: Rank

There was a time when I was obsessed with rank.  Maybe it had to do with comic books - SERGEANT Fury had his Howlin' Commandos during the second World War but when he took over S.H.I.E.L.D., he became COLONEL Fury.  Obviously a field promotion.

Or maybe it was because of Star Trek - Captain, Commander, Lieutenant Commander, Lieutenant, Crewman.  I liked to know stuff like the ship's counselor on the Enterprise (under Captain Picard) had a rank of Lieutenant Commander but took the Bridge Officer's test to get the rank of full Commander so she could helm the ship.

Who knows?  When I meet folks who were in the military, I often ask them their rank.  I always liked the difference between enlisted & officer, & between non-commissioned officers & the commissioned kind.  Sometimes the people I talk to are a little sensitive - I understand.  The military, like any enforced hierarchy, breeds resentment & rivalry.

Maybe because the world has always admired heroes in wartime, the comic book world is filled with ranked super-heroes.  Especially captains.  Captain America.  Captain Atom.  Captain Marvel.  Captain Universe.  (Someone listed their ten favorites here.  Some of these fought or were created during World War II - I think we're supposed to believe that Captain America, at least, really holds that rank.  I wonder if anyone's written about the connection between ranks & superheroes.  It's almost as common as colors & super heroes (Green Lantern, Black Panther, Blue Beetle, etc.).

Why captains, though?  Perhaps I'll talk about that tomorrow.

I Can't Stop Thinking About Kings Island

Sorry if this is boring coming from a man nearing his fifties.  But I can't stop thinking about our trip to the amusement park - & the wife keeps talking about getting a platinum membership.

This is a ride we didn't get to ride while we were there:



There was a forty-five minute wait.  We were tired & hungry.

We did ride this one, the Diamondback.  I think I enjoyed it the most, primarily because it scared the hell out of me:



Anyway.  I'll talk about radio tomorrow.  Or not.  Who knows? Who cares?

Thrill World

You've seen this, right?



So damn funny.

This is a weird thing: I loved amusement parks when I was a kid.  I thought maybe I'd written about this before, since I've done a show about roller coasters, but that show pre-dates this blog, so I'll tell you this story.

Sometime in middle school, when I was between twelve & fourteen years old, one of those itinerant carnivals found its way to the parking lot of a nearby supermarket.  My mother gave us money for lunch in those days - not much money, probably a couple of bucks - but enough, you know, to buy something to eat.

When I noticed the carnival was there, I skipped lunch every day for as long as it stayed - a week? two? - & after school, I walked over to the carnival, & rode rides as long as I had money.  The ride that I would've loved, a roller coaster, was of course not portable, so I enjoyed the sort-of spider-ish ride that had the twirling car at the end of each leg.  I loved a good spin, is what it was.

The family lived in Dallas, so we were close to Six Flags Over Texas, in Arlington.  We visited there - I'm sure it was as expensive then as it is now - at least once in my childhood, probably more.  I know I went with my friend Scott at some point in high school.  I went there in 1986 - the actual last time I had been to an amusement park, almost thirty years ago - not for the rides, but for a concert.  (It's embarrassing - it was Julian Lennon.)

But then I never went again.  & I'm not sure why.  Did I feel I had outgrown it?

On Thursday, we went to the (perhaps) closest amusement park to Lexington, Kings Island.  Interestingly, it's not surrounded by water & I didn't see any royalty there.  But Jesus God did I have fun.

The first ride we went on - called Delirium - I suddenly felt thirty-five years younger.  Oh I knew I was still me in my disastrous forty-seven year old boy.  But I laughed out loud.

In my head, I just counted - I rode just nine rides in the few hours we were there - as you know, it involves a lot of waiting, that whole amusement park experience - & we got there late.  But when I tried to go to sleep that night, I would close my eyes & was back on the Diamondback.  Or the Beast.  & my heart would race.

Believe me, I had apprehension.  & I need time to process it.  I had so much fun.  While my wife screamed next to me, the laughter coming out of my mouth was the same as when I was twelve or thirteen.  It was wonderful.

Self Help Radio 072815: Wheels

(Original image here.)

A radio show on wheels!  Isn't technology wonderful!

I am in no position to judge, but I think this show was all right.  Wheel songs, Dr. Howard Gently, Dr. David Fruchter, an unwanted visit from Baby Stinks - it was probably a mess, but maybe a tolerable mess.  I wouldn't know!  I can't really listen to myself talk without feeling sick.  Can you imagine - I have that voice in my head all the time!

But if listening to ridiculous radio shows is in your wheelhouse, as making them appears to be in mine, then you can listen to this one at Self Help Radio web central.  It's in two parts for some reason.  In case you're never been there before - & who could blame you? - pay attention to username/password information.  The playlist is there, but it's also below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Wheel" Jimmy Nelson _The Music City Story_
"I'm Gonna Be A Wheel Someday" Bobby Mitchell _The Spirit Of New Orleans: The Genius Of Dave Bartholomew_
"The Big Wheel" Howard Crockett _Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 3: 1963_

"Spinning Wheel" Ray Bloch Singers _Hits Of '69_
"Heart Like A Wheel" Kate & Anna McGarrigle _Kate & Anna McGarrigle_
"Wheel Of Life" Lyn Collins _James Brown's Original Funky Divas_
"The Wheels On The Bus" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Rock & Roll With The Modern Lovers_

"The Wheel" Section 25 _The Key Of Dreams_
"Slippery People" Talking Heads _Stop Making Sense_
"Wheels Go Round" Blue Train _Land Of Gold_
"Love Wheel" Daniel Johnston _Fun_

"Animals On Wheels" Sam Phillips _Omnipop_
"Dog On Wheels" Belle & Sebastian _Dog On Wheels_

(part two)

"Wheels" Black Francis _NonStopErotik_
"Bigger Wheels" I Am Kloot _Natural History_
"Watching The Wheels" John Lennon _Anthology_

"Wheels" DJ Yoda _The Amazing Adventures Of DJ Yoda_
"Wheel Made Man" The Danielson Famile _Fetch The Compass Kids_
"Training Wheels" Pataphysics _Take A Look Out Your Window_
"Someone Stole My Wheels" Biff Bang Pow! _The Acid House Album_

"Ezekiel Saw De Wheel" The Delta Rhythm Boys _Dry Bones_
"Cosmic Wheels" Donovan _Cosmic Wheels_
"This Wheel's On Fire" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Through The Looking Glass_
"Up On The Big Wheel" Jesse Garon & The Desperadoes _Billy The Whizz EP 12"_

"The Wheels Of Love" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"Wheel Of Fortune" The Virgins _Strike Gently_

Whither Wheels?

(I found this image here.)

One might suppose I always have a fun reason for the themes I pick.  One would be mistaken.

Sometimes I can't remember why I thought of a particular topic to explore.  How do themes get chosen to be on WRFL?  I can think of perhaps four scenarios:

1) It is suggested to me by a listener.
2) It somehow relates to an anniversary, holiday, or current event.
3) It is stumbled onto by repetition, or serendipity, or chance.  Usually this means I just keep hearing the theme in song after song.
4) There is no real explanation.

Today I have to say it's number four.  At some point in the past, I created a folder in the SHR area of my computer, & that folder said, "Wheels."  (It might have said "Wheelz" because I am a dork.)  I discovered it sometime later, & began to think of songs that might fit into that folder.  Once the folder was full enough to make a radio show, I put it on the queue.  In the queue.  Whatever.

& that's why today's show is about wheels.  I really don't know what the inspiration was & that's about as much as I can say.  Wheels.  Wheel.  Whee!

The show is on from 4 to 6 pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm online.  I'll archive it tomorrow.

Maybe you'll listen?

Preface To Wheels: The Wheel Of Life

Have a look at this: The United States Has Experienced On Average One Mass Shooting Per Day This Year.

Here's the graphic:

You should be able to click to enlarge.

Things like this make me realize how utterly insignificant my little radio program is.  So I'm not in the mood to chat about "wheels" today.  Maybe tomorrow.

Sigh.

Do I Have To Post A Review?

This post may contain spoilers for Ant Man the movie.  Maybe.  Who knows.  You've been warned.

Yesterday I mentioned that I would go & see the Ant Man movie & I did.  I thought I'd post something of a review here because I'm almost certain no one on the internet has done that yet, & because I talked about it yesterday, & I'm pretending you're a friend who's polite enough to ask me, after I mentioned that I saw the movie, what I thought about it, even though I'm almost certain you don't care.

Because I'm a huge comic book nerd, I am surprising no-one that I go & see these incessant comic book movies, as well as watching all the comic book television shows.  What might not be self-evident is that I don't like a thing just because it's a comic book thing.  I'll probably watch it - I watched Ghost Rider, for fuck's sake - not to mention Smallville (all ten horrifying seasons) - & oh yeah Daredevil The Movie as well as Green Lantern - but I will say afterwards oh my god why did I do that?  The answer is, because I couldn't help it.

I recognize when they're badly done is the point.

Still, as I said yesterday, despite the money they're making (or perhaps because of it), the Marvel movies have given me diminishing returns.  I loved loved loved The Avengers.  I was so-so about the second Thor film.  I was never crazy about the Captain America film, so the sequel was sorta eh.  I outright didn't much like the super hit The Guardians Of The Galaxy, though I did watch it again & appreciated it a bit more.  But I noticed things in watching these movies: they kind of all have the same plot arcs.

Up there I said that maybe because they're making money, they are less interesting to me.  It could be that once a formula is established, if that formula keeps making money, that formula is what they're going to stick with.  (Which might be why Edgar Wright left the Ant Man project, I dunno.)  So each film follows roughly the same arc, with the obligatory sixties or seventies song, the seeming defeat at the denouement, & the hero triumphant at the end.  If anyone goes into a Marvel film thinking anything's really at stake, they're not paying attention - many people have pointed this out.

Even walking in with that knowledge, & low expectations, I was surprised how fluffy & inconsequential Ant Man felt.  I love me some Paul Rudd, & I am happy that that handsome & amiable fellow is making as much money as he doubtless did here, but he's not taking it terribly seriously, & the film doesn't take itself so seriously either.  I wondered if anyone seeing this was really worried Michael Douglas' shrinking machine was going to cause World War III.  Of course they weren't, this wa\sn't an Avengers film.  To underscore this, the films has a battle (as seen in the trailers, no spoiler alert here) on a child's train track, where the bad guy thinks he's going to be run over by a train, but it's a toy train, so it's played for laughs.

Detractors may say that, yes, there are those moments, but Ant Man's got the Falcon & he'll probably join the Avengers in time for the next big movie.  That's a minor part of the film.  Most of it is Paul Rudd doing his clueless, charming thing, & a lot of it is more tongue-in-cheek than grim determination.  The film's best moments - a film which, now that I think about it, is also kinda short on the battle stuff - there's a lot of exposition - seem to come with Ant Man's hapless criminal friends.  In fact, my favorite part of the movie wasn't the shrinking or the ants or the almost-incidental fight scenes, but everything Michael Peña did as Luis.  He was wonderful.  I told my movie viewing companions that I'd watch an entire film about that character.  Marvel!  Start it up!

Listen: don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the film, although mostly because I didn't think I'd enjoy it.  It's fun, it's a summer film.  But it's no Avengers.  I am kinda of the opinion that if there were another great comic book movie like that one, it won't come from a movie studio the success of which is fast-tracking it to profitable complacency.  Which is too bad.

& that's the sort of dumb movie review I would write if I wrote movie reviews on this dumb site.

Swing Of Things

Oh shit! It's Saturday! I have to write in my blog!

Think think think!

I saw Trainwreck this week at my wife's favorite movie theater in Lexington (even though her Jazzercise friends say she shouldn't like it because "it's in a bad neighborhood) & very much enjoyed it.  Also, we were one of only two couples in the theater at the matinee we saw, & no one got shot.  That's a bad joke, I know.  I stole it from a friend on Facebook.  I forgot to say, at the end, "Too soon?"

It was an enjoyable movie, like I said.  There were moments I couldn't stop laughing, & there were moments when I felt moved.  As someone who appreciates rock & roll songs, which are, of course, mostly constructed the same & are different only with singers, melodies, & themes, I can appreciate the average romantic comedy because of the way it moves around the obligatory story pieces.  In this sense, Trainwreck was an above-average romantic comedy.

What else what else what else!

I'm way behind on this week's show, so Monday should be hell for me.  I am, however, going to see Ant Man tomorrow, so that should exacerbate things.  I have very low expectations that I will think this is a great film.  The Marvel movies I have seen recently have given me diminishing returns, & this troubles me, as comic book geek.  I like Paul Rudd, but I never liked the shrinking superheroes, like the Atom.  Though I guess I like the character on Arrow.  But he's not shrinking yet.  Oh well.  Never say never.

Maybe I'll tell you what I think afterwards.  Honestly, it's best to approach these sorts of things with little preconceived notions & hopes.  I loved The Avengers so much that the sequel was bound to be a let down.  Especially when Quicksilver in the last X-Men movie was so much more interesting than the Avengers one.

This must all be really boring.  I have movies on the mind.  & my opinions are worthless, generally.  So ignore them.  I'll think of something more interesting to talk about tomorrow.

Self Help Radio 072115: The Heavy Show

(Original image here.)

Here's yesterday's Self Help Radio, with the oddball theme "the heavy show," which, because I gave the last half-hour to a trainee, is actually thirty minutes shorter, or lighter one might say, than the average Self Help Radio show.  The show probably thinks I'm calling it a fatty.

There are groovy songs, I chat with Mark Miller in Hollywood about filmdom's greatest heavies, & the Reverend Dr. Howard Gently calls in.  If my voice weren't heard at various points during the show, I think it'd be a darn good radio show!

The songs I played are below.  The show is over at Self Help Radio dot net.  There's password info on that page; pay attention to it.

& please enjoy.

(part one)

"Heavy On My Mind" Dale Hawkins _LA, Memphis, & Tyler, Texas_
"Heavy With Me" Freddie May & The Power Plant _Victim Of Love_
"Yea! Heavy & A Bottle Of Bread" Bob Dylan & The Band _The Basement Tapes_

"Heavy Makes You Happy (Sha-Na-Boom Boom)" Staple Singers _The Staple Swingers_
"Heavy Heavy Hangs My Heart" Vera Hamilton _Funk Soul Sisters_
"Heavy Love" David Ruffin _Who I Am_
"A Heavy Dude" Curtis Mayfield _Short Eyes_

"Them Heavy People" Kate Bush _The Kick Inside_
"Sonnet 50: How Heavy Do I Journey On The Way" Benjamin Soames _The Best Of The Sonnets_
"How Heavy The Quiet That Grew Between Your Mouth & Mine" Peggy Sue _Choir Of Echoes_
"Heavy Petal" Madison Electric _Indie Aid Abroad: A Little Help For East Timor_

(part two)

"Heavy" California Wives _Heavy_

"Heavy Heart" Jeffrey Lewis _The Last Time I Did Acid I Went Insane_
"Heavy Heart" Dark Dark Dark _Wild Go_
"Heavy As A Heart" Controller.Controller _X-Amounts_
"The Heavy" Relaxed Muscle _A Heavy Nite With Relaxed Muscle_
"Heavy" The Come Ons _Hip Check!_

"Heavy Lady" Wolfie _Putting It Together (B-Sides 1997-2000)_
"Heavy Atmosphere" Len Price 3 _Chinese Burn_
"Heavy Seas Of Love" Damon Albarn _Everyday Robots_
"Heavy Wave" Motorama _Poverty_

Whither The Heavy Show?

It was a couple of months ago.  I was listening to some 70s Soul.  Specifically, I was listening to this record:

(image courtesy of discogs.com)

One track on the album that particularly charmed me is called "Heavy Love."  Heavy love!  Love does feel heavy, a lot of the time.  That made me think, when I let my mind wander through all the songs up there, of the John Lennon Beatles song (written about Yoko) called "I Want You (She's So Heavy)."

We now use the word "heavy" as a nice way of saying "fat," but in the skinny 60s & 70s, they took one of the word's meaning - "deep" & "profound" - & made it close to slang.  It came to mean serious or important - not too far removed from profound, if you ask me.  Profundity sometimes implies importance.

Perhaps, I thought, this would be a good theme for my radio show.  I began the task of assembling songs not about heaviness in terms of weight - although I'll probably play some of those - but heaviness that mirrors the "profound"/"important" meanings.

Self Help Radio's heavy show is on today from 4 to 5:30 pm on WRFL Lexington, 88.1 fm in town, wrfl dot fm on your computer.  (The last half hour goes to my trainee, who needs the practice.  My show is not so heavy it can't give up a little time every once in a while.)  I'll put the show up tomorrow, if you plan on missing it.

But don't!  Please listen!

Preface To The Heavy Show: It Ain't Heavy, It's My Radio Show

A song I'm not going to play tomorrow is a song that I had to listen to a lot when I was a kid, because my mother loved Neil Diamond, & had a greatest hits live collection she would listen to, & that song was the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother."  Wikipedia has a page about the song.  I'm not sure I heard the Hollies version when I was a kid.  But damn did I hear sweaty, bedazzled Neil Diamond croon that song a lot.

Here's the thing.  When I was a kid, I made a lot of assumptions about the way the world worked.  I would make assumptions instead of asking questions much of the time.  I think the idea that I had figured something out made me a little happy, a little proud.  & sometimes I would blurt my assumptions out & get mocked, usually by family members, for saying something stupid.

For example: I came to conclusion at some point that all cities were bordered by railroad tracks.  It seemed so perfect to think that you knew you were in one place because you drove or walked over train tracks.  (It would have been better to have actual drawn borders, but this was good, too.)  One time, in the car with one or more of my siblings, we passed over train tracks - I can tell you exactly which ones they were, too: the ones crossing Kingsley Road right before Kingsley intersected with Garland Road in Garland, Texas - & I said, happily, "We're in another city!"  I was derided immediately by my family members.  At the very least, I'm sure I was told I was stupid & to shut up.

The effect of this was not to make me ask more questions, but to make me not express my assumptions out loud.  (Thanks, siblings!)  Many questions I had didn't even make it to assumptions, actually.  Many of them just stayed unanswered.  I guess they were mysteries, but they didn't really bug me too much.  Most of the time.

However, I could never figure out what the hell the line "he ain't heavy, he's my brother" was supposed to mean.  I'm completely serious.  What sort of parallel structure of choices existed in the universe where the two options were "heavy" & "brother"?  I tried to make sense of it as a kid.  But - & this is crucial - I didn't try to make sense of it by listening to the damn song.

You see, if I had just listened to the lyrics, I would have heard Neil Diamond croon melodramatically: "I'm strong, strong enough to carry him.  He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

Honestly, it still doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  An adjectival description of someone doesn't negate their relation to you, after all.  "She ain't diabetic, she's my sister."  "He ain't a little feverish, he's my father."  "She ain't waifish, she's my second cousin, twice removed."

But the song does explain the "heavy" part, which baffled me.

Again, I didn't spend a whole lot of time pondering this.  I was a kid, I had Star Wars things to daydream about.  & I know why I couldn't much pay attention to the song itself - the sweaty Neil Diamond in the bejeweled Evel Knievel outfit on the cover of the live album (which is how I remember it) made me very uncomfortable.  Elvis Presley in the same period frightened me a little, too.  They should've been jumping semi-trucks on their motorcycle instead of singing!

Anyway, I won't play that song tomorrow.  & I'll tell you why, tomorrow.

Sunday Gone

Bear with me, please, as I get a handle on this "blogging during the weekend" process.  It's not something I usually do.  Usually, my show ends on Saturday mornings, so I spend the weekend decompressing & sometimes recording my fake interviews with my buddies for the show.  But no!  I have a show in less than 48 hours so I need to get cracking!

But instead, what I did today, which is something I do more & more as I get older & older, is napped.  I napped for like three hours today.  I napped with a little chihuahua attached to me like a weird growth, I napped & didn't remember any of my dreams which seemed somewhat important when I was waking up, I napped while a hot & humid Lexington afternoon happened without me.

I did nap after I mowed the lawn.  Most of the lawn.  Most of the backyard, actually.  When I looked on my phone - & I was sweating so much there was more moisture outside my body than inside - it said, "92 degrees.  Feels like 108 degrees.  You moron."  At that point, I threw in the towel, which was wet anyway from mopping up my interminable sweat.

Maybe I deserved my nap.  My wife certainly didn't think so.  She rolled her eyes at me, made me put sunscreen on her, & finished the job.  I sat & let me body sweat for another forty-five minutes until I was properly desiccated, then I napped.  I napped!

It might have actually been appropriate to write in this blog at that point.  But instead, I napped.

Since I slept so much, I won't be able to go to sleep tonight till late.  Damn it.

I Made Mistake

So, do you remember, way back when, when I was talking about scheduling stuff for this blog?  That was so long ago.  That was like two days ago.  I think I've been either drunk or asleep for most of that time.

Well.  I am wrong.  I was wrong.  I don't start my stupid Week O'Blogging on Friday!  I start on Saturday!  I will end on Wednesday!  That's five damn days!

So ignore this last Friday.  Except for everything that did exist, for all practical purposes Friday didn't exist.  Concentrate what was Friday onto Saturday.  This Saturday.  It's like daylight savings time except you're losing a whole day.  & you will not get it back.  Not ever.

Unless my show moves again.  I may need that Friday again.  I mean, I lived through it, & so did you, but we will not speak of it again.  As far as we are concerned, it did not happen.  Not for this blog, at least.  I actually had a nice time.  Come to think of it.  I drank some beer & watched a sci-fi flick, happy in the knowledge I didn't have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning for a Saturday morning radio show.

But!  For the purposes of making sure my arbitrary schedule of posting here on this blog, the entry I posted on Friday, which is to say, anything about Friday, did not exist.

Perhaps you think I'm overreacting, & creating some kind of incident that's silly to mask an embarrassment I, as perhaps the only reader of this blog, am feeling.  That's absurd!  The plan of action I am recommending - that I am implementing! - is the only logical thing to do.  I defy you to think of something other than forced, targeted self-amnesia.

What would you want me to do?  Sheepishly apologize?  I will not!  This is not sex!

Friday I'm In Lieu

Guess what?  I haven't started working on Tuesday's show yet.  I am taking my time.  Please don't make fun of me Monday when I am freaking out.

There will be a dinner party at my place tonight.  I just went shopping.  I watched a woman who was perfectly able to bag her own groceries sit & stare at a cashier while she (the cashier) did all the work, checking the items out & then putting them in a bag, & while the line behind her got longer & longer.  I marvel at how entitled people like that idle woman feel.  When I bag my own groceries, the cashier thanks me, as does the person behind me.

By the way, who doesn't bring their own reusable bags to stores?  It's 2015.  We might be able to add another year or two at the end of the brief time this planet can sustain human life.  But you know the saying: self-important self-involved indolent pieces of entitled shit are why we can't have nice things.

This is something else I am sort of annoyed by: the stock question that cashiers ask when you get to check-out: "Did you find everything okay?"  I want to say, "Whether I did or not, this is exactly the wrong place to ask me.  If I didn't, we would hold up the line for everyone else because I wasn't smart enough to find any number of the clearly-marked employees around the store to ask for help.  In fact, you should probably say, 'If you haven't found everything you came for at this point, you're a moron & you don't deserve my help.'"

Oh man I didn't want to write about things that irk me, but I will add one more: cashiers who make conversation based on what you buy.  It's so lame.  This is I think a Trader Joe's phenomenon.  It happens there all the time.  It takes two major forms:

1) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh, I love this.  This is so good."

2) As they're checking out an item, they say, "Oh I've got to try this!  It looks so good."

I want to say, in the first instance, "That's interesting, I only buy this to poison the rats in my garage."  & in the second instance, "It's not.  It's awful.  But my mother-in-law's in town."

Do we need to make conversation at a checkout line?  The woman at Whole Foods today was awful cute but I'm married & also probably twenty-five years older than her, which is as much to say that she would have no interest in my aged ugly self as it would be to say that she & I would have virtually nothing in common, guaranteed.  Why waste time conversing?  What's so bad about a little silence while you do your job & I bag my own damn groceries?

Wow that got grumpy fast.  I am going to start making dinner, & also have a beer.

Reorganization Time Again

Perhaps it's well-known to anyone who well-knows me that I am of an obsessive nature.  I like a certain amount of structure in my life, & that's reflected not just in my show but also in this blog.  I especially liked doing a radio show on Friday, because I like to write on this blog (despite having virtually nothing to say) five days a week, & Fridays are a nice natural end to a workweek.

So what happens now that I am doing a show on Tuesdays?  Well, fuck.  That throws the whole week out of whack.

I wrote this when my show was suddenly on a Saturday:

I will write five blog posts a week, per my doctor's orders.  Since I will most probably be posting my show on Saturday afternoons, I will be posting on Saturday.  I don't post on Saturday.  Usually I don't get out of bed on Saturday.  Now I have to.  Whose fault is that?  Mine.  Shut up.

I was mentioning that I would no longer post something on this blog on Mondays, since I had shifted one day.  Now I've shifted three days.  So I will be writing on Mondays again.  I wrote on a Monday this week!  But not, I guess, on Wednesdays & Thursdays.

The show will be posted on Tuesdays.  I'll resume the week on Fridays.  I will write all weekend long.

It's very weird to me that I don't have to wake up early on a Friday or a Saturday.  I used to set two alarm clocks - because I usually didn't get to bed till around midnight the night before, & it takes me a while to fall asleep & I wanted to make sure I woke up - & since both clocks are on Apple products - iPhone, iPad - they would go off simultaneously.  I'd push myself out of bed, stumble to the shower, & try to wake myself up as so many Americans do by standing under hot water until I was conscious that I was standing under hot water.  (This is something that Californians might not be able to experience much longer.  Maybe someone will invent a sonic shower now?)  Then I'd let the dogs out & they'd misbehave & I'd try not to yell at them because it was five o'frickin' clock in the morning.  They'd get to go back to bed.  I'd go sit at my computer & try to get my shit together enough to get in the car, drive to the station, & do an exceptionally stupid radio show.

Now I can wake whenever on Tuesdays, as long as it isn't 3:45pm (which it won't be - I have eight animals who never let me sleep longer than 9am), & even have lunch & other things before my show.  That seems weird as fuck.  I don't even know how that's going to feel in the long run.

Ask me later.  Meanwhile - the new sequence of blog entries start tomorrow.  I'm sure you're excited.  I will try to find something interesting to write.  But.  Don't hold your breath.

Self Help Radio 071415: The Blues

(original image here

Well, here it is, the first Self Help Radio on a Tuesday afternoon.  Two hours of songs about "the blues," with most of them actually blues.  Imagine that!  I hope it served a decent transition from the previous show, Black n Blues, & my own erratic dumb show.

It's now resting at the Self Help Radio website.  If you've not noticed, there's a username & password you need to know - that's on the front page.  & all the songs I played are below.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Mr. McTell Got The Blues # 1" Blind Willie McTell _Complete Recorded Works Vol. 1_
"Blowin' The Blues" Chuck Darling _Harmonica Blues 1920s & 30s_
"How Can You Have The Blues" Kansas City Kitty & Georgia Tom _Blues Connection, Vol. 1: How Long Blues_

"I Gotta Right To Sing The Blues" Louis Armstrong _Blue Skies: 45 Hits From The 30s & 40s_
"The First Time I Met The Blues" Little Brother Montgomery _When The Sun Goes Down, Vol. 2: The First Time I Met The Blues_
"Just A Good Woman Through With The Blues" Trixie Butler _Female Blues Singers, Vol. 7 G/H_
"Trouble Ain't Nothing But The Blues" Lonnie Johnson _Essential Blues Masters_
"If You Ever Had The Blues" Earl Williams _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story_

"Moanin' The Blues" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"I Dreamed The Blues" Valerie Carr with Gene Redd & His Orchestra _Rare Blues Girls From King_
"I Got The Blues For You" Al Collins & Orchestra _The Ace Blues Masters, Vol. 3: Tuff Enuff_
"Too Young For The Blues" Ella Fitzgerald _Jukebox Ella_
"Birth Of The Blues" Gordon McRae _The Best Things In Life Are Free_

"Boppin' The Blues" Carl Perkins _Original Golden Hits_
"Singing The Blues" Tommy Steele _The Best Of Tommy Steele_
"Home Of The Blues" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_

(part two)

"Sittin' & Cryin' The Blues" Willie Dixon _Willie's Blues_
"Livin' With The Blues" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Rediscovered Blues_
"Singing The Blues" George Jones _Ragged But Right: The Starday Years Plus_

"Good Time Charlie's Got The Blues (Take 8)" Elvis Presley _Elvis At Stax_
"The Blues My Naughty Sweetie Gives To Me" The Greenbriar Boys _The Best Of The Vanguard Years_
"Yonder Comes The Blues" Fred Neil _Bleecker & McDougal_
"I Chose To Sing The Blues" Ray Charles _Genius & Soul: The 50th Anniversary Collection_
"I Call It Pretty Music But the Old People Call It the Blues (Part 1)" Stevie Wonder _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 3: 1963_

"You Give Me The Blues" Lightnin' Slim _Bell Ringer_
"Singing The Blues" Jason Eddie & Centremen _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"Don't Knock The Blues" TV Slim _When Girls Do It_
"Why I Sing The Blues" Betty Barney & The Pazant Brothers _Funk Soul Sisters_
"My Middle Name Is The Blues" Abner Jay _Last Ole Minstrel Man_
"Preaching The Blues" The Gun Club _Fire Of Love_

"Killing The Blues" John Prine _Pink Cadillac_

Whither The Blues?

Man, am I nervous.  In less than two hours, I'll start my new timeslot - who knows if it'll be permanent? - for the summer, four to six in the afternoon on Tuesdays.  As I've mentioned before, the timeslot was home to one of WRFL's most beloved shows, Black n Blues, which just went off the air last week.  So I am like - what could be the most awful analogy? - I'm like a person marrying someone who has just experienced the death of the love of their life.  It's crazy.  They should have just aired repeats or
something for a month.  There's no way I can live up to that show.

I'm a fool, but I'm going to try.  Sort of.  I'm going to do a show about "the blues."  Basically, if the song expounds on some aspect of the blues, it was worthy of being chosen by me.  Most, but not all, of the songs will actually be in the blues idiom.  But some won't.  & still those people had the blues!

It's on from 4 to 6 this afternoon (like I said) on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online wherever people have the blues (& that's everywhere, friend) at wrfl dot fm.

Normally I put the show on the Self Help Radio website a few hours after the show, but seeing as I'm on afternoons again - I think I'll do it tomorrow.  If you don't mind.