April's Fool

It's very windy outside now.  In a little over an hour, I'll be doing my other radio show, "Cradle To Grave," on 95.7 fm WLXL in town, online at lexington community radio dot org.  I think today's show will be fine, because I've already done it.  The show is pre-recorded.  You knew that, right?

There's a part of me that feels the need to apologize for the low energy of the show.  I recorded the airbreaks very early Friday morning.  I'm talking 4am.  Everyone in the house was asleep - even the cats, who generally have a blast at night.  In fact, if I'm remembering the process as it happened, I appear to perk up late in the show, when I am talking about how some of the musicians died (botched tonsillectomy, aneurysm after a show at Carnegie Hall).  It makes me come across as a kind of ghoul, I think.  Apologies for that.  I want to say something like, "It was the caffeine kicking in," but since I don't drink caffeine, that can't be the case.

Maybe it was the sun coming up.  I rarely am awake at sunrise, it's always a little thrilling to watch the world brighten slowly.  Where I sit, at my computer, where I also record my airbreaks & the other nonsense for Self Help Radio, I have a window to my left, & I can look into our sun room.  The world was waking up, maybe it helped me wake up too.

However, for most of the show, I am what Donald Trump would call "low energy."

This doesn't mean the show will suck.  There's a very good chance it will suck, of course - it's a radio show I am doing, after all.  But I think the music is great.  Birthdays today include Serge Gainsbourg, Emmylou Harris, & Marvin Gaye.  Deaths on April 2 include Kentucky's own Cliff Carlisle, plus Buddy Rich & Edwin Starr.  The music on the show makes it all worthwhile, I think.

Yeah, seriously - ignore the me talking.  It'll pass.  Enjoy the show instead!

Self Help Radio 032916: The Neighborhood

(Original image here.)

Did I use up all the neighborhood references during this week's show?  I said "neighborly" at least twice.  I had a song by Mr. Rogers, a parody of Mr. Rogers, & I said something about it being a wonderful day for a neighbor.  I talked about neighbor associations & I talked about neighborhood watches - probably too much.  Yes, I believe I killed that joke to death.  Nothing subtle about this radio show!

Speaking of, on the show I did talk to my next-door neighbors, as well as Mark Miller in Hollywood about his neighborhood, & found out that Howard Gently is coming to our neighborhood.  Plus, you know, songs.  I played songs.  I get to do that.  Play songs.  On the radio.

If you feel brave enough to venture into Self Help Radio's neighborhood - I mean, it's not unsafe or anything - at worst you might get bored - you can do so at the front gate.  There is a password to get in but don't worry, our alcoholic "guard" will tell it to you because he needs to get back to sleep.  The neighborhood is two hours long so it's split into two halves; the sites you'll see are listed below.

Property values?  Are you kidding?

(part one)

"Won't You Be My Neighbor?" Mister Rogers _Bedtime_
"The People In Your Neighborhood" Bob McGrath & The Muppets _The People In Your Neighborhood_
"A Neighborhood Is A Friendly Place" Ella Jenkins _Multicultural Children's Songs_
"New Kind Of Neighborhood" Jonathan Richman _Modern Lovers '88_

"In The Neighborhood" Tom Waits _Swordfishtrombones_
"So Many People In The Neighborhood" Ween _Quebec_
"Neighborhood Threat" Iggy Pop _Lust For Life_
"Neighborhood Watch" Mike Krol _Turkey_

"Brand New Neighborhood" Fletcher Smith _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll_
"Strange Neighborhood" Gene McDaniels _Big City Soul, Vol. 1_
"On The Avenue (In The Neighborhood)" Jimmy Ruffin _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_
"I Killed The Neighbours" Misty's Big Adventure _Misty's Big Adventure & Their Place In The Solar Hi-Fi System_

"We Are Neighbors" The Chi-Lites _(For God's Sake) Give More Power To The People_
"Hey Neighbor" Jenny O _Automechanic_

(part two)

"Mr. Roberts # 1" Christopher Guest & Bill Murray _That's Not Funny, That's Sick_
"Neighborhood Children" Tiny Tim _Tiny Tim's Second Album_
"Neighbor, Neighbor" Jimmy Hughes _Sweet Soul Music_

"In My Neighborhood" Bonniwell Music Machine _Beyond The Garage_
"Neighbours" The Bats _Compiletely Bats_
"Neighborhood Survival Gunstore" Firesign Theater _Eat Or Be Eaten_
"The Neighborhood" Jackie Lee _The Duck_
"You Woke Up My Neighborhood" Billy Bragg _Don't Try This At Home_

"My Neighborhood" The New Year _The New Year_
"Neighbours" Shack _Waterpistol_
"Neighborhood" David Byrne _Look Into The Eyeball_
"My Next Door Neighbor" Jerry McCain & His Upstarts _Folk Music In America, Vol. 7: Songs Of Complaint & Protest_

"The Universality Of Neighbourliness" Tall Dwarfs _Throw A Sickie_
"My Neighbor" Tochigi _Tochigi_
"Have You Seen Your Neighbour In The Bath" Pig Rider _Bloody Turkey Sandwiches_
"Neighbors" And The Kids _Turn To Each Other_
"Pretty Little Neighbor" Giant Drag _Hearts & Unicorns_

Whither The Neighborhood?

(I found this silly clip art here.)

Is it safe to say everyone lives in a neighborhood?  I mean, maybe not hermits.  Or maybe not people who live in high-rises - would you call the folks that live on the 17th floor "a neighborhood"?  How about people who live in isolated rural areas?  There's a county in Texas, Loving County, where there are less than one hundred people living there.  Is the entire county a neighborhood?  Probably not.

Can I then say that a majority of people in the United States lives in a neighborhood?  As a child, I lived mainly in apartments, but we often befriended & played with kids who lived in the neighborhood.  Did they think of the apartments of part of the neighborhood?  Can people who live in apartments join neighborhood associations?  Oh dear, this little scribble of mine is asking more questions than I can answer.

Let's play it safe & say some people in the United States live in neighborhoods.  & let's hope you're one of them!  Because today's show is for you!  Or maybe I can say, lots of folks want to live in neighborhoods, so today's show is also for you!  Hey, & I can add, a great deal of people lived in neighborhoods, found it horrible, & fled to places like Robertson County, Kentucky (the state's least populated county), so listening to today's show will remind them why they made that decision - so this show is for those folks too!

The show is on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl.fm in your favorite online neighborhood.  Wait.  Is there such a thing as an online neighborhood?

Damn it!  More questions!

Preface To The Neighborhood: Spell Checked

Do you know what the CDDB is?  If not, you can read about it here.  If so, you know the experience: you put a CD into your computer, & as a program like iTunes reads it, it queries the database & returns the CD's tracklisting, artist name, album name, genre, etc.

There are some real numbnuts out there who take delight in propagating incorrect names - or misspelled names - or other idiot errors when putting the data into the database.  This isn't a complaint about them.  Most of the time, their errors are easy to fix - especially if you know how common words in English are spelled, or if you have the frickin' CD in front of you & can see how the two separate tracklistings match up.  Anyway, to complain about that would take too long.

No, this is a complaint about a particular spelling error that has popped up in many of the CDs I've listened to in regards to this week's show.  It has to do with the way Americans spell the word "neighbor," as opposed to how the British & the Canadians spell it, which is "neighbour."

Want to argue about which is the correct spelling?  Too bad!  You can't.  One nation spells it one way, some others (all associated with a dead empire) spell it the other.  I have no problem with that.  If you're visiting Boston from Toronto, you'll perhaps learn about the exciting history around Boston Harbor.  If you're visiting Victoria, British Columbia, from Seattle, you may enjoy spending time at the Victoria Harbour.  The way the people spell it is how you spell it, despite how insistent my (American) spellcheck is that I'm misspelling "harbor."

Here's the rub.  If you're some dude in Montreal & you get to be the first people to enter into the CDDB let's say Jonathan Richman's CD "Jonathan Sings!" & you get to the track "The Neighbors," spell it the way it is on the CD.  It's not "The Neighbours."  It isn't.  If Jonathan Richman had a track called "Muzza Fazza Babba," you'd copy it exactly that way, wouldn't you?  You wouldn't assume he means "Mother Father Baby" & put that into the database, right?  What's more, you don't grammar correct song titles, do you?  Like, you wouldn't enter the song "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" as "I Can't Get Any Satisfaction," would you?

It seems as disrespectful as it is irritating.  & I noticed it over & over & over when I listened to CDs for this week's show.

Interestingly, I hardly ever - maybe never - saw the opposite.  I never had a CD by an English, Scottish, Canadian, Australian, or New Zealand band where the CDDB spelled a track "neighbor" instead of "neighbour."  I wonder what's up with that.  I guess respect isn't always a two-way street.

No one who enters shit into the CDDB will ever read this, but if they do, here's a thing: just put the names of the songs & the band & the record down as it says on the damned CD please.  When you see the playlist of songs from the show tomorrow, you'll see the two different spellings, & you'll know whether the band is American or from a former British colony.  Because that's how the artists who made the music spelled it.  Not you, sitting at your computer, being all pedantic & shit.

While we're at it, can you also look up when the actual album was released & not the year your version came out? This pertains to reissues, of course, but also, use your damn common sense.  How much more difficult is it to take the time to find out when something was actually recorded than just the lazy copyright on the CD's back cover?  If you're not going to do that, don't submit the info to the database.  You aren't being helpful.  You're passing on bad information that most probably is going to stay there, because I don't think people at the CDDB check any of it anyway.

Which is probably the real shame.

Cradle To Grave, Episode Sixteen

Cradle To Grave is back!  & cradle to graver than ever!

Did I explain it here or on the Facebook or whatever?  I had a couple of issues pop up last week (the week before last, I guess you'd say), which totally waylaid me & sucked up all my time.  Since it does take a while to gather first the information about birthdays (I use several sources) & death anniversaries (ditto), & then to actually go through the music to decide what to play, it takes me almost an entire "work day" to put the show together.  If anything happens - say, an animal needs a veterinary visit - the entire day is shot, & the chances of successfully putting the show together diminish greatly.

This is my way of saying that sometimes I choose sleep over making a radio show.  I hope you understand.

However, this week the show returned & I think it's pretty good.  You may say to yourself, "Why would I want to listen to a show about people who were born or who died on the day that was yesterday?"  If you feel that way, perhaps you can download the show & wait 364 days until it's relevant again.  That might be the correct way to approach it.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts, one for artists who were born on March 26, the other for artists who died that day in history.  The song I played are below.  I hope you enjoy.

(birthdays)

"Flight Of The Bumblebee" Rafael Méndez _The Legendary Trumpet Virtuosity Of Rafael Méndez, Vol. 1_
"Gone With The Gin" Hot Lips Page & His Band _1938-1940_
"Nightmare" Joe Loco _Let's Go Loco_
"You Can't Hurry Love" The Supremes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 6: 1966_
"Can Your Monkey Do The Dog" Rufus Thomas _The Complete Stax/Volt Singles 1959-1968_

"Wally Ballou, Roving Reporter" Bob & Ray _Bob & Ray On A Platter_
"Mr. Blue Sky" Electric Light Orchestra _Out Of The Blue_
"Phasors On Stun" FM _Black Noise_
"Moments In Love" Art Of Noise _(Who's Afraid Of?) The Art Of Noise!_
"Cubik" 808 State _90_

"Get Up, Get Down, Get Funky, Get Loose" Teddy Pendergrass _Life Is A Song Worth Singing_
"Never Can Say Goodbye" The Communards _Red_
"Myspace/Email" Todd Barry _From Heaven_

(death anniversaries)

"Traumerai" Albert Spalding _The Definitive Collection Of The 19th Century's Greatest Virtuosos_
"April Kisses" Eddie Lang _Jazz Guitar Virtuoso_
"A Room With A View" Noel Coward _This Year Of Grace_
"Backtrackin' (Dr. Daddy-O)" Paul Gayten _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_

"Betty Betty Go Steady With Me" Dickie Pride _The Sheik Of Shake_
"Lookie, Lookie, Lookie" Ronnie Smith & The Poor Boys _Buddy's Buddies: Holly For Hire (1957-1959)_
"I've Been Wrong" The Buckinghams _Pebbles, Vol. 6: Chicago Part 1_
"Dead Man's Curve" Jan & Dean _All The Hits, From Surf City To Drag City_
"Jumping At Shadows" Duster Bennett _Smiling Like I'm Happy_
"I'm In The Mood" The Chesterfield Kings _Drunk On Muddy Water_

"Country Girl" The Jacobites _When The Rain Comes_
"Lyke Wake Dirge" Pentangle _Gather In The Mushrooms: The British Acid Folk Underground (1968-1974)_
"Mama Told Me (Not To Come)" Three Dog Night _It Ain't Easy_
"Streets Of Calcutta" Ananda Shankar _Look Into The Flower (Trip On Psychedelic Grooves With Blue Note)_

"We Want Easy" Easy-E _The NWA Legacy_

Garry

For the past several weeks, I've been running a stupid series on Saturdays that I was calling "The Gary Files," in which I featured a different famous Gary, since the name is going extinct.  In fact, I did one for Garry Shandling, which you can read here.

In many ways, I had very little to say about these other Garys, & a lot of the time, I tried to be funny rather than attempt something substantive, since I mostly copied info from their Wikipedia page.  Funny was attempted with the Garry Shandling entry, in which I pretended to have an argument about whether the names Gary & Garry were the same or different.

But in that entry, I did say he was a genius.  & I believe it.  He was an amazing stand-up, & when I was a kid, I liked it when he hosted The Tonight Show.  I confess I wasn't able to appreciate It's Garry Shandling's Show when it was on - I was too young, there were too many levels of comedy going on.  But when I saw The Larry Sanders Show, oh shit.

The first episode I saw was the one in which Elvis Costello is on & trashes the green room because Larry Sanders talks during his musical performance.  I watched it because I am a big Elvis Costello nerd - but I ended up liking the show in its entirety - I even think I thought Costello's performance was the least interesting thing on the show!

Somehow - I didn't have HBO at the time - I managed to acquire several episodes of the show.  I consumed them.  I talked the show up to friends, made them watch them.  & I evangelized up till this very day.

Also I followed Shandling on Twitter, & Bill Maher this week showed clips from his many appearances on Real Time, which I saw.  I watched all the extra interviews he did for the first DVD reissue of Larry Sanders.  I loved it when he hosted the Emmys.  I was a fan.  I was an admirer.  I kind of worshipped the guy.

As you know, he died this past week, at the age of 66.  It is so sad, so tragic on many levels.  66 is too young, & I like to believe he had some other greatness he was preparing to unleash on the world.

This is my way of saying, you know what?  With one less Gary in the world (this one spelled Garry), I think I'm going to retire my Gary files.  It might not have been much fun to read, but it'll certainly be less fun for me to do it.

Goodbye, Garry Shandling.  Thank you for being so smart & funny.  I'm going to pretend for the rest of my life that I was named after you.

Self Help Radio 032216: Slow Down

(Original image here.)

Self Help Radio this week is showing its age.  Yes, at an elderly thirteen years old, it has taken to grumpily mounting a rocking chair on the front porch, a wine cooler in one hand, the other hand balled up into a fist, ready to hurl invectives at cars going even one half-mile over the speed limit on the road in front of its house.

But it isn't just speedy drivers that has irked this show.  No, it's the fast pace of the modern world - its internet, its power lunches, its frantic afternoons at the gym fast-forwarding through streaming media on smart phones - that has gotten the show's dander up.  Didn't know a radio show could have dander?  You learn something new every day!

The result is this week's episode: slow down!  An imperative sentence said again & again & again with the hopes that, maybe, just maybe, someone out there could slow down a tiny bit.  Slow down & see the world at its regular speed.  Fall back into the regular vibrations.

Once the show was over, of course, everything would naturally accelerate again.

You can relive the futile attempt to slow things down whenever you have a space two hours at the Self Help Radio website.  To slow you down, a password & username will be required.  That information is on the front page.  The show is in two leisurely parts.  The songs played are below.

Self Help Radio will now be going down slow.

(part one)

"Slow Down" Anita O'Day _The Complete Anita O'Day Verve/Clef Sessions_

"Slow Down Baby (Russell Jacquet, vocals)" Illinois Jacquet _The Chronological Classics: Illinois Jacquet 1947-1950_

"Slow Down" Lou Mac _Rockin' At Midnight At The Parrot Club_

"Slow Down" Larry Williams _Loud, Fast, & Out Of Control: The Wild Sounds Of 50s Rock_

"Slow Down" The Cochran Brothers _Eddie & Hank: The Cochran Brothers_

"Slow Down Sandy" Eddie Quinteros _Rockin' On Broadway: The Time/Brent/Shad Story_

"Slow Down" Gus Jenkins & Orchestra _Jericho Alley Blues Flash! Blues In Los Angeles 1956 - 1959_

"Slow Down Brother" Ferlin Huskey & His Hush Puppies _Out & Out Rockabilly_

"Slow Down Heart" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_

"Slow Down" Tammi Terrell _The Essential Collection_

"The Merry-Go-Round Is Slowin' You Down" The Surprise Package _The Other Me 7"_

"Slow Down" Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge _Breakaway_

"Slow Down" Taboo _Violators: The No Future Years_

"Slow Down" Maduu _Bombay Beats, Vol. 1_

(part two)

"Slow Down" The Feelies _The Good Earth_

"Slow Things Down" The Soup Dragons _Hang-Ten!_

"Slow Down" Blur _Leisure_

"Slow Down" Dump _I Can Hear Music_

"Hold On, Slow Down" Earlimart _Treble & Tremble_

"Slow Down" The Jordans _Katydid_

"Slow Me Down" Aberfeldy _Young Forever_

"How Do You Slow This Thing Down" Gothic Archies _The Tragic Treasury: Songs From A Series Of Unfortunate Events_

"Slowing Down" Blank Dogs _Under & Under_

"The Steady Slowing Down Of The Heart" Lloyd Cole _Cleaning Out The Ashtrays: Collected B-Sides & Rarities 1989-2006_

"Slowing Down the World" Savages _Adore Life_

"Slow It Down" The Frank & Walters _Greenwich Mean Time_

"Slowdown" Peter Murphy _Ninth_

Whither Slow Down?

(Image found here.)

A show about slowing down, eh? Yes!  Has the show been moving too fast?  No.  Does it seem to go by in the blink on an eye?  Heavens no!  If someone has ever been asked, "Does it seem like there's not enough Self Help Radio?" has the answer ever been "Yes!"  No, never!

Yet here we have a show about slowing down.  Well, the theme is "slow down."  Perhaps the show is being bossy.  Maybe the show thinks anyone who might be listening should slow down!  Maybe even slow the hell down!  But why would the show think that?

A related question might be: is life in Lexington - Central Kentucky - more fast-paced than any other place in the United States?  Can that be true?  Does this city deserve a radio program that's asking - or even telling - its listener to "slow down"?  Moreover, are these questions the show will answer?

Damn, there are a lot of questions here.  & they were only really answered in the first paragraph.  So.  Here's a stab at some answers for the rest: Because it thinks whatever it wants.  No, most definitely not.  No, not even in its most New Yorkish dreams.  It does not.  No.

Well!  Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, we can listen to another meaningless Self Help Radio today from 4-6pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  Yes, I'll archive it later.  If you slow down too quickly to listen.

Preface To Slow Down: Wouldn't A Better Theme Be "Slowing Down"?

Ugh, everybody prefers the gerund.

Did I ever mention I took Latin in high school?  It wasn't because I was on my way to be a pretentious twat, although certainly that road was right there in front of me.  No, I did it to spite my mother & my family.

My mother, you see, is German, & all her other kids took German in high school.  The same high school I was at, actually.  The same damn German teacher, too; her name was Frau Phillips.  I had actually had Mrs. Phillips for English in the tenth grade.  When the time came to take a foreign language, though, I chose Latin.

It might have broken my mother's heart.  Or it might just have irritated her.  Or she might have thought, well, he's a smart boy, & smart people learn dead languages.  Or she didn't give a fuck.  She never said.  But the idea that I was doing something that no one else in my family had done - that I was somehow breaking with what maybe the family felt was tradition - that pleased me.

It's no surprise that my family didn't like me much when I was that age.  I assume they like me less now, but most certainly being different, when they all worked so hard to be the same, must have baffled them.  Well, if they stopped to think about it, which they didn't.  "Gary's weird," is probably as deep as that thought went.  Mostly I don't think they noticed me.

Damn it, I didn't want to start talking about my family!  I wanted instead to talk about Latin.  Latin!  I remember impressing Mrs. Phillips by using the word celerity - she didn't know that word - in a poem I wrote for her class.  "It comes from the word celer," I told her.  "Latin for 'speed.'"  Helpfully, I added, "Like in the word accelerate."

Did I say 'impress'?  She might have just thought me a pretentious twat.

Actually what I learned most about Latin - this is true - was how English works.  I knew all about nouns, verbs, pronouns, etc., mainly because of Schoolhouse Rock - but there were ways the parts of speech worked in a sentence that completely escaped me.

Latin nouns have endings depending on their use - they call them "declensions."  I learned about indirect objects, objects of prepositions, etc.  & of course Latin verbs conjugate much more regularly than English verbs.  Putting a Latin sentence together was kind of a puzzle, the rules of which were laid out before you if you took the time to know them.

In English class, I had struggled with the idea of the passive voice.  In Latin, it made sense because the pieces of the puzzle had to fit a certain way to make the sentence do what it needs to do to be correct.

The fact is, I learned more about English from studying Latin than I learned in English class.

Also, I almost got beat up in Latin class for saying I thought Eddie Van Halen looked "a little gay" in the video for "Jump."  But that's neither here nor there.

In any event, I don't feel tied to the idea of noun forms for my show themes.  They can be short sentences, like "slow down."  I might have thought that subjects should be nouns once upon a time, but no more.

Also, I've retained virtually no Latin.  What I remember from two years taking that language is pretty much the word "celer."  Also, "agricola."  That means "farmer."  Hence, "agriculture."

Damn, I am such a pretentious twat!

2,301 Posts

Wow, I completely missed the three-thousand-three-hundredth post of this blog!  I would have missed it even more if I had spent the Sunday, as I usually do, posting the week's Cradle To Grave show.  So, hooray?

2301 posts is a lot of writing.  I guess it will soon be ten years - ten years! - that I have had this blog. & I still don't know entirely what I'm doing with it.

Using the internet randomizer tool at random dot org, I will share with you portions of four random posts from the blog's almost-ten years.  See if any of them make any damn sense:

(from post # 768, January 9, 2010: Vulgar Boysenberry):

Here then is a threshold parallelogram which we daresay may one day serve as a simulacrum of the course to steer to free you of the filthy waters & harsh desert nights of rejection & abjection. You may even consider this, due to the serious nature of our newly-crapped-out decade, first in a series:

1) Cards & letters are all but useless in moments of sheer decision. Learn adorable ways to hem & haw.
2) Do not rush romance unless you can afford generous quantities of moderately-priced & delicious alcohol.
3) If the partner says a tattoo is not necessary, this is an easy "out" & not as many presidents have told us in their State Of The Union messages a "dare."
4) Bleached teeth frighten thieves.
5) No one really carries around their money in bags with dollar signs painted in green on the side. Really? Really.
6) Hand holding may be a lost art, but do not imagine that foot-whipping nor thigh-tickling share the same room in the Mansion of Glorious Petting. They do not. They live in the Creepy Third-Floor Apartment Of Sado-Masochistic Awkwardness.
7) Let's return once again to the societal glad-handling called the "gentle reminder."
8) Love poetry? More like love pottery!
9) Tears should not be accompanied by either screaming or clawing. If you find it such, you also have an explanation as to why the local constable is asking you to put your hands behind your back.
10) Something about an omelet is both nasty & ridiculous. Be careful.

(from post #1336, January 15, 2011: Does The Cat Want Her Medicine?):

You were at that impressionable age when you thought every example was the perfect example, when you thought the types you met were the only types that existed. You'd hear snatches of conversation that made absolutely no sense so you'd twist them around in your head until they made your kind of sense. Like that man who made the comment about "the next door over, past the railroad tracks." You got it into your head that a town's limits were circumscribed by railroad tracks. You finally got brave enough to tell your observation another kid & he said scornfully, "What did they use before railroads? Moats?"

(from post # 485, May 12, 2008: From Dynamite To Los Angeles):

Suddenly I am regretting not beginning all of my blog entries with a salutation. What a dreadful miscalculation! Now my blog has no personality! It's just like me!

(from post # 2205, November 9, 2015: Preface To Turtles: The Hunt For Turtle Songs):

Of course a radio show that's all instrumental is fine.  I have programmed electronic & jazz & surf shows which featured predominantly non-vocal music.  But something about Self Help Radio makes me want to make sure that the songs at the very least mention the theme, or something relating to the theme. 

I know one thing I can glean from this: the show's blog has become less interesting as time has gone by.  That's a shame.  Well.  Probably nothing I can do about that!  Happy anniversary!

The Gary Files # 25: Gary Grimes

(I found this image here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twenty-fifh of a series!

Gary Grimes is, according to the Wikipedia, "a former American actor."

What does that mean, "former"?  It means he acted for a time, & left the business.

Would I know him from anything? He appeared in a handful of television shows, & only six motion pictures.  They were: Summer Of '42 (1972), The Culpepper Cattle Co. (1972), Class Of '44 (1973), Cahill U.S. Marshal (1973), The Spikes Gang (1974), & Gus (1976).

Then he just quit?  Apparently so.

Was it because of drugs or something like that?  Did he go insane?  Not at all.  According to an interview he did in 2011, he said, "I got to the point where the work wasn't up to the quality that I wanted."

Were you familiar with his work?  Not a lot.  I mainly know about him as the guy who walked away.  Not a lot of folks leave a life of stardom behind.

Even if he might not have been a big star?  It seems to me that there are people in the industry that hold on to the smallest amount of fame & milk it for whatever they can get.  I kind of feel like most television I watched in the 1970s was filled with "stars" desperate to extend their fifteen minutes.

Did you know there was another Gary Grimes who was somewhat famous?  There was?  Who?

This guy.  Freaky.  That's a crazy thing to me, to build a career essentially performing as another musician, & one that's still alive.  The really Paul McCartney outlived his fake twin.

Apparently both of them were really named Gary.  The living Gary Grimes is probably sad to see the name go.  Plus!

What?  His name is alliterative!  That's too cool.

Self Help Radio 031516: Connections

(I have no idea what this image is supposed to mean except it's called "connections" & the original version of it is here.)

During Spring Break, when students go home or go to Austin for SXSW or go to the beach or just plain go, campus is pretty deserted, as is the radio station, & I assume, with forty thousand or so people no longer in the city, so is the listenership of WRFL.  It's of course at that point that Self Help Radio decides to make a radio show about connections.  Connecting with people, connecting things, managing things that connect us (like telephones).  All when there's less of a chance for people to be listening than usual.  Timing!  One day the show will master it!

Luckily you can now connect with the show anytime at the Self Help Radio website, which itself is someplace where connections are made.  The show is in two parts, & what songs I play in the two parts are below.  What's not below is that I talked to a person who makes connections, to the inventor of the "loose connections" section of the classifieds, & to my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently.  But that happened too!

Thanks for trying to connect.  I find I try less & less as I get older & older.

(part one)

"Connection" The Rolling Stones _Between The Buttons_
"Connection" Can _Unlimited Edition_
"Connection" The Brunettes _Paper Dolls_

"Connection" Elastica _Elastica_
"Connection" King Tuff _Was Dead_
"Connection" Call & Response _Tiger Teeth_
"Connections" Smog _Julius Caesar_

"Super-Connected" Belly _King_
"Get Connected" The Jessica Fletchers _Less Sophistication_
"The Connector" The Futureheads _The Chaos_
"The Connection Man" Ty Segall _Manipulator_

"Loose Connections" Channel Light Vessel _Excellent Spirits_
"Bad Connection" Tullycraft _Lost In Light Rotation 7"_

(part two)

"Bad Connection" The Square Peg _Kilt By Death: The Sound Of Old Scotland_
"Making Connections" The Saps _C'mon Already, Start A Fire_
"The Farm Yard Connection" Fun Boy Three _Waiting_

"The Rainbow Connection" Majestic _Just For A Day_
"Love Connection" Annette Snell _Southern Grooves_
"Tight Connection To My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love?)" Bob Dylan _Empire Burlesque_

"Me! I Disconnect From You" Tubeway Army _Replicas_
"Disconnected" The Creatures _Anima Animus_
"Disconnect" Plastikman _Closer_
"Disconnected" Beat Union _Disconnected_

"Mothership Connection (Star Child)" Parliament _Mothership Connection_
"Only Connect" Harper Lee _Go Back To Bed_

Whither Connections?

(I found this image here.)

As someone who's spent an entire life having difficulty making connections with people, I am the last person on earth to pretend to be an expert about connections.  I'm not even an expert about the television series Connections, which I've never watched, or I should say, I watched a couple of episodes, & found the connections the host made a little strained.

Indeed, I know so little about connecting with other human beings that I doubt it's even some kind of therapy to do a show about connections - a chance for me to learn more about connecting with others.  Because, seriously, if I haven't learned basic human interaction at this point in my life - way past its halfway mark, almost certainly - then what are a few songs going to teach me?

But you might find something helpful!  So have a listen today from 4-6pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, &/or online at wrfl dot fm.  Who knows?  Maybe we'll make a connection ourselves!

Okay, probably not.

Preface To Connections: Missed Connections

Spoiler alert: one of the fake interviews I'll be doing tomorrow involves that section of the old classifieds (which one can now find on Craigslist) called "Missed Connections."

Did you ever peruse this section of the paper?  I never did - like Morrissey, "having learned my lesson, I never left an impression on anyone"* - but I remember working for a time in a hip video store in Austin, & the hip boys who worked there often read that section every week to see if they got any shout outs.  (If that's what you call a mention in a "missed connections" column.)  They struck pay dirt once (maybe more than once, but only once when I was there), & the "missed connection" co-worker went through a bunch of customers' accounts to see if he could figure out who had placed the ad.  As far as I know, nothing came of it - the people there made very little money, & certainly not enough to respond to an ad in the classifieds!

(Is it me or has that section always leaned heavily on men looking for whatever?  Even in the Craigslist link it skews heavily toward dudes.  I guess men are still more aggressive in our society.)

My favorite section of those kind of classifieds was the "Variations" section.  Not because I was ever into that sort of thing, but because when I used to do long, long fills on KVRX back in the 1990s - I'd be on the radio from midnight to 9am sometimes - I would often run out of things to say during airbreaks, & would also be delirious from lack of sleep, & one thing that would focus me was reading the Variations column from The Austin Chronicle  to weirdos who might be listening late at night or very early in the morning.

Luckily no one ever got mad at me for reading their ads!

& probably no one ever had a Missed Connection that began: "You: very tired, on the radio, trying to figure out what BDSM means..."

* After I wrote this, someone on Facebook noted that today was the 28th anniversary of Viva Hate, the record from which the song I'm quoting comes.  I'd like to believe Morrissey was working his magic through me on this special anniversary.

Cradle To Grave, Episode Fifteen

Fifteen episodes!  That's almost four months!  & I want to confess something: I thought doing this show might get more difficult as it went on.

Which is a dumb thing to dread, because one works out a system & over time streamlines it.  But here's my greatest fear: a day when nothing has happened.  It's probably not a reasonable fear, given probability, but I do worry there'll be a day, just one day out of 365, when very few musicians of note were born or died.  What do I do then?  Do I just play more than one song by an especially important (in my opinion) performer?  Do I attempt to find songs that are about a particular performer, or, in the case of a non-musician, some famous person from history?  The truth is, I don't know.  I don't know what I would do in that case.

Does that day exist?  So far - fifteen shows in - that has not proven to be the case.  There are musicians I've had to leave out of both hours.  But does that day exist?  In my heart, I think it does.  & I always assume it's going to be next week's show.

However!  This week's show is filled to the brim, & you can listen to it now (despite it being about people born or died yesterday) at the Self Help Radio website. It's in two parts - delineated below - & you can move easily from birthday party to funeral should you choose.  Like going backwards through time!  I hope it's good to listen to.

(birthdays)

"Man In The Street" Don Drummond & The Skatalites _Trojan Explosion! Intensified Club Reggae Classics_
"Little Chick-A-Dee" Kell Osborne & The Chicks _Little Chick-A-Dee_
"Baby I Need Your Lovin'" The Fourmost _The Best Of The Sixties_
"Mother Dear" Barclay James Harvest _Barclay James Harvest_
"Just A Chance" Badfinger _Wish You Were Here_

"Browns Ferry Blues # 2" Callahan Brothers _Roots N' Blues: The Retrospective_
"Head Rag Hop" Romeo Nelson _The Many Faces Of Boogie Woogie_
"Louisiana Boogie" L.C. Williams _Houston Jump 1946-1951_
"San Francisco Bay Blues" Jesse Fuller _The Good Time Jazz Story: Ragtime, Blues, Banjos_
"Walkin' All Night" Little Feat _Dixie Chicken_

"You're The Cream In My Coffee" Gordon MacRae _The Best Things In Life Are Free_
"New York, New York" Liza Minnelli _New York, New York_
"The Awakening" Pizzicato Five _Romantique 96_
"City Hall" Graham Coxon _A+E_
"Up The Bracket" The Libertines _Up The Bracket_

(death anniversaries)

"Stay A Little Longer" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Heaven" The Bailey Brothers _Take Me Back To Happy Valley_
"Down Yonder" Champ Butler _Down Yonder_
"Hey Jack" The Dozier Boys _Jive R&B: Vocal Group Classics, Vol. 2_
"Put On My Shoes" Mary Ann Fisher _Put On My Shoes_

"Ornithology" Charlie Parker _Complete Savoy Live Performances: Sept. 29, 1947-Oct. 25, 1950_
"Take Five" Dave Brubeck Quartet _Time Out_

"Baby Don't Look Down" The Blues Council _That Driving Beat_
"Apple Green" June Valli _Oh Why_
"Look For Me Baby" Goldie & The Gingerbreads _Rare Mod 3_
"Love Song" Lesley Duncan _Gather In The Mushrooms: The British Acid Folk Underground (1968-1974)_
"Hop Dedik" Erol Buyukburc _Love, Peace & Poetry: Turkish Psychedelic Music_

"Don't Let Me Go" Rockie Charlies _Born For You_
"From A Buick Six" Alex Taylor _Dinnertime_

The Gary Files # 24: Garry Marshall

(Picture from his Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the twenty-fourth of a series!

Garry Marshall is, according to the Wikipedia, "an American actor, director, writer, & producer."  His list of credits is impressive.  Check out his Wikipedia page if you don't believe me.

So, another "Gary" that's spelled "Garry."  Is that a problem?

It just seems like, since your name is Gary, you shouldn't be celebrating people whose names are Garry.  They sound exactly the same!  Do you think people named John are different than people named Jon?

Sort of.  That's insane!

All right.  When did you first become aware of him?  Probably reading the credits of shows I watched when I was a kid, like Happy Days.

Were you excited to see his name?  Probably not.  It's not spelled the same as mine.

A-ha!  Look, the Wikipedia page for the name Gary also includes Garry.  There's no difference between the two.

If you say so.  I say so.  Ask me some more questions.

Did you also know he was an actor?  I didn't.  Did he act in things he directed?

Among other things.  Wouldn't you do that?

What?  Put yourself in movies or television shows you were producing.

I never thought about it.  I bet you would.

Maybe.  Was his name really Garry?  Garry Kent Marshall.

Born in 1934.  Not named after Gary Cooper?  Nope!  His parents must've had other reasons to name him Garry!

You wish you were as rich as he is, don't you?  My lord, doesn't everyone?

Self Help Radio 030816: The Empty Show

(Original image here.)

You've probably been asked, in a chain email or by an annoying friend, about the three English words that end in -gry.  The whole thing is kind of a dumb joke.  But it occurred to me, when I was overthinking this week's show, that you could ask a similar question about English words that end with -mpty.

There's empty, of course, & nonempty, which isn't the word's antonym at all.  There's humpty & dumpty, which shouldn't be counted because they're made-up names, but because they're part of our culture (& because humpty is also the name of a dance), they get counted. A list online (which I found here) also adds numpty (which apparently means "a stupid or ineffectual person") & umpty (which means "such & such," I've found - related, no doubt, to umpteenth).  Try that question at a party that's winding down - not the three English words that end with -gry, but the (maybe more than) six English words that end with -mpty.

This has nothing to do with my show this week, but it's what's on my mind.  My mind, which is usually empty.  Like this week's show!  Which can be listened to now at Self Help Radio's website.  It's in two parts, so it's an empty show that's quite full, & what's in each part is below.  Psst!  You'll need a username & a password.  Also psst!  They're on the front page.

Let's hope the emptiness doesn't consume us, although we know it will.

(part one)

"Empty" Eddie Spaghetti _The Value Of Nothing_
"Emptiness Inside" My Bloody Valentine _Feed Me With Your Kiss_
"The The Empty" Le Tigre _Le Tigre_

"Diary Of An Empty Day" The Nice _Nice_
"Stronger Hearts Than Mine Lie Empty" Ballboy _The Sash My Father Wore & Other Stories_
"The Empty Page" Sonic Youth _Murray Street_
"Empty Heart" The Rolling Stones _12 X 5_

"In An Empty Hotel" Northern Portrait _Napoleon Sweetheart EP_
"Empty Streets" Suspicious For The Winter _EardrumsPop 100_
"Empty Space" Holly Golightly _Slowtown Now!_
"Empty Roads" 50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong _Baby Trash_

"Empty Girl" The Soft Boys _Invisible Hits_

(part two)

"Empty Boy" Lane Steinberg _Lane Steinberg Collection 1984-2000_
"The Empty World" The Cure _The Top_
"Empty Bottles" Opal _Northern Line EP_

"I Have Known The Emptiness" Dan Melchior _The Backward Path_
"My World Is Empty Without You" Diana Ross & The Supremes _Greatest Hits_
"Empty House" The Pastels _Crawl Babies 12"_
"Empty Glasses" The Amps _Pacer_
"Empty Place" Burnt Palms _The Girl You Knew_

"This Empty Place" The Searchers _The Look Of Love: The Burt Bacharach Collection_
"Sad, Free, Excited, & Empty" The Hepburns _How The Fallen Are Mighty_
"My Empty Head" The Flatmates _Potpourri (Hits, Mixes, & Demos '85-'89)_
"Empty Shell" Vic Godard & Subway Sect _What's The Matter Boy?_

"A Few Empty Waves" Cats On Fire _All Blackshirts To Me_

Whither The Empty Show?

(Image from this fun article here.)

Oh I know what you're thinking: Here's miserable ol' Gary again, doing another show rife with negativity, the emptiness, the void, angst, suicide, purgatory, Donald Trump presidency.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!

Except, of course, I am mostly miserable, & I'm quite a pessimist, & the glass isn't just half-empty with me, it's half-empty with poison.  & perhaps that is reflected in the subject matter of the shows I do.  But I submit that you are coming at this with your own preconceptions of the word "empty."  What if I told you that some religious traditions value emptiness as a starting place for spiritual growth?  Or that some people use "empty" as a metaphor for openness, curiosity, adventurousness?  What would you say then, smarty-pants?  Hanh?  Hunh?  Hanh?

Man, that was an easy straw man (or should I say straw person?) to knock down!  I'm going to have more arguments with myself!  But wait - if I argue with myself, doesn't half of me lose?  Damn rhetoric!  Damn it all to hell!

Despite my own internal issues, I will still do a show today with the theme "the empty show" from 4-6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at the same time (science!) at wrfl dot fm.  I have lots of guests & lots of music so it will be an empty show full of songs & talk & maybe a few surprises, although, to be honest, it's mostly the same old thing.

& now I'm back to feeling a little empty.  But I hope you'll listen!

Preface To The Empty Show: Ever Been Empty?

As I sit here, late on Monday, forgetting to write in this blog, editing the interviews that I pretend are happening live during my show, I think back to a time when I actually felt empty.

It was, I think, a while back.  I felt as though I couldn't generate real emotion from inside myself.  So I would consume things of any emotional nature: music, movies, television, books.  Nothing in my life seemed to make my heart race, but I would furiously read a fantastic novel till its end in the middle of the night.  Or I would turn an album up & dance stupidly around the room until it or I were done.  Or I'd drink a bit too much whiskey - my favorite vice - & watch a particularly meaningful episode of Star Trek & feel all weepy for my fictional friends in the future.

That emptiness, which pretty much defined the 1990s for me, was borne out of heartbreak.  It wasn't a happy time, & I myself ended up hurting people thanks to my inability to connect.  You can only return a fraction of the affection that one gives to you if you can't actually bring yourself to love.  I remember the shock of revelation when I first heard the Divine Comedy song "The Frog Princess" (the video for it is here) & came to the lines:

You don't really love me

& baby, that is all right

'Cause I don't love anybody

I come & go through people's love lives

There's a reason I got through that time - not worth going into here - though I haven't lost the habit of filling myself with the magnificent creations of other people.  One reason surely has to do with time itself.  No matter what you do, your past fills up behind you.  It was much simpler for me to be empty when I was younger because I had barely lived.

& maybe I've barely lived yet, but I've wasted a lot of time trying to live, & perhaps that counts for something.

However, I feel I'm as qualified as anyone to helm a show about emptiness.  Now - back to the fake interviews!

Cradle To Grave, Episode Fourteen

Oh my, fourteen episodes already?  That means I only have three hundred & fifty-one to go!

Here's something I want to complain about: even though I have a pretty good record collection, I don't have as many comedy albums as I wish I had.  Case in point: this week was the anniversary of John Belushi's death, & while I could have played something by the Blues Brothers (which wouldn't have represented his comic genius), I ended up playing something from his time in the National Lampoon group.  But there is actually a Saturday Night Live album which I don't own.  He's much more famous as an SNL cast member than anything else.  It would've been nice to have been able to have a recording from that time to represent him.

In other news - it was Mark E. Smith's birthday!  I don't know if he'll ever die - but I'm glad I got to celebrate his birthday.  I think he's a genius.

Lots of geniuses on this week's show!  You can listen now at the Self Help Radio birthday shop & mortuary.  Pay attention to username/password info if you wanna listen - but they're on the front page.  The songs I played in each hour (first hour, birthdays; second hour, death anniversaries) are listed below.

There should be a word that has two opposite meanings, like "aloha," that I can use at the end of these posts that means both "enjoy because it's happy" & "enjoy even though it's sad."  Is there one?  & is it in fact in German?

(birthdays)

"Makin' Faces At The Man In The Moon (Milt Coleman, vocals)" Ben Selvin & His Orchestra _The Very Best Of Ben Selvin & His Orchestra_
"A Boy From Texas, A Girl From Tennessee" Randy Brooks & His Orchestra _1945-1947_
"Peg Leg Stomp" Peg Leg Howell _Atlanta Blues: Big City Blues From The Heartland_
"G. R. Boogie" Gene Rodgers _The Boogie Box_
"Wild Card" Tex Williams _Vintage Collections_

"Eisenhower Blues" J.B. Lenoir _1951-1954_
"Seven Little Girls (Sitting In The Back Seat)" Paul Evans _Happy-Go-Lucky Me_
"Police On My Back" The Equals _Greatest Hits_
"Trust Me" Janis Joplin _Pearl_
"Lady Love Bug" Clodagh Rodgers _You Are My Music...  The Best Of Clodagh Rodgers_

"East Of Woodstock, West Of Viet Nam" Tom Russell _Blood & Candle Smoke_
"Over & Done With" The Proclaimers _This Is The Story_
"An End Has A Start" Editors _An End Has A Start_
"Wise Ol' Man" The Fall _Wise Ol' Man EP_
"Patripassian (feat. Nick Cave)" Current 93 _All The Pretty Little Horses_

(death anniversaries)

"Walkin' After Midnight " Patsy Cline _The Patsy Cline Collection (Honky Tonk Merry Go Round)_
"Hangman's Boogie" Cowboy Copas _Hillbilly Boogie: Crazy Bout The Boogie_
"Dog House Boogie" Hawkshaw Hawkins _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 14 (1947-1948)_
"Hey Bartender Give That Man A Drink" Jumpin' Joe Williams with Red Saunders & His Orchestra _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_
"Over The Rainbow" Judy Garland _Judy Garland In Hollywood: Her Greatest Movie Hits_

"The Immigrants" National Lampoon _Gold Turkey_
"Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe" Bob & Lucille _Rockin' Bones: 1950s Punk & Rockabilly_
"Chim Chim Cher-ee" Dick Van Dyke _Walt Disney's Mary Poppins (Original Cast Soundtrack)_
"Are You Having Any Fun?" Vivian Stanshall _Keynsham_
"The Impossible Dream (The Quest)" Richard Kiley _Man Of La Mancha Original Cast Recording_

"We Are Climbing" Chuck Wagon Gang _Flowers In The Wildwood: Women In Early Country Music_
"Love At Last" Leighton Noble with the Ted Fio Rito Orchestra _Radio & Recording Rarities_
"What Am I To Do" The Paris Sisters _The Complete Phil Spector Sessions_
"Sweet Dreams" Dave Sampson & The Hunters _British Beat: Before The Beatles 1955-1962_

"Tanguillo: Zambrilla" Carlos Montoya _Flamenco!