Self Help Radio 062819: Doubt

(Original image here.)

Oh! The show's a little late today! I doubted I could have finished it on time, & I was right! That, by the way, is how you snatch victory from the jaws of doubt: doubt that you can accomplish something & then celebrate when you do in fact fail. It sustains me.

But the show is done, I think it's pretty good music-wise, but I have to give props to the funny people on the show today.  Their real names are Ryan, Russell, Allen, & Alyx, & they made me laugh so much while they were doing the fake interviews that I hope you'll laugh a lot too. Sometimes I feel stupid lucky these guys help me out with my dumb show.

Enough about all that. The show is doubtlessly over at Self Help Radio dot net at this very moment. You know there's a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) needed, right? Cool. Enjoy the show, see what's on it below, & don't doubt that I'll be back next week.

Self Help Radio Doubt Show

"Doubt" The 49 Americans _E Pluribus Unum_
"Doubt" The Cure _Faith_
"Doubt" Stereolab _Switched On_

introduction & definitions

"Reverberation (Doubt)" The 13th Floor Elevators _The Psychedelic World Of The 13th Floor Elevators_
"Shout Out Doubt" The Sponsors _Sponsors_
"Don't Doubt Yourself, Babe" The Byrds _Mr. Tambourine Man_
"Remove This Doubt" Elvis Costello _The Kojak Variety_
"Shadow Of A Doubt" Sonic Youth _Evol_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
Phone call from the show's lawyer Bobcat Sloan

"Doubts Even Here" New Order _Movement_
"Your Doubting Heart" The Hobbes Fanclub _Up At Lagrange_
"Benefit Of The Doubt" Vi Velasco _The Vi Velasco Album_
"No Doubt About It" The Shirelles _The World's Greatest Girls Group_
"Chinook (Sing From The Valley Of Doubt)" Louise Burns _Mellow Drama_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Crippling Self Doubt & A General Lack Of Self Confidence" Courtney Barnett _Tell Me How You Really Feel_
"Inside Doubt" Bonnie Hayes & The Wild Combo _Good Clean Fun + Brave New Girl_
"Clouds Of Doubt" Faces In The Crowd _Hipsville, Vol. 2_
"You Better Be Doubtful" The Housemartins _The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death_
"Darkness & Doubt" The Mekons _Fear & Whiskey_

Interview with Gölden Överthrøw vocalist Tony Too Tights

"No Doubt About It" The Other Half _Mr. Pharmacist_
"No Doubt" Penny Candles _Borobudur 12"_
"No Doubt" Mick Harvey _Two Of Diamonds_
"In Doubt" Peter Gabriel _Passion (Music For The Last Temptation Of Christ)_
"Sense Of Doubt" David Bowie _"Heroes"_

Fun in the Self Help Radio Lab
Another phone call from the show's lawyer Bobcat Sloan

"Doubtful" The Moonglows _Windy City Harmonizers: Rarities From Chess Vocal Groups_
"Without A Doubt" The Righteous Brothers _Back To Back_
"Who Could Ever Doubt My Love" The Supremes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 5: 1965_
"Without A Doubt" Major Lance _You Better Believe It! Vol. 1_
"Ain't No Doubt About It" Wilson Pickett _In Philadelphia_

conclusion & goodbyes

"In Love With The Doubt" Dolorean _You Can't Win_

Whither Doubt?

(This image is from a website with an article called How To Manage Doubt.)

In the fall of 1988 (I'm guessing) I took one of the several Shakespeare classes I would take (or have to take) at the University Of Texas At Austin.  Being a pretentious precocious kid, I had already read a few of Shakespeare's plays & had a favorite: Hamlet.

We read Hamlet in that class, & when it came time to write the inevitable paper, I told the instructor I wanted to write it about doubt.  As a centerpiece, I included the poem that Hamlet wrote to Ophelia, read by snoopy-ass Polonious to Hamlet's mom when the latter was worried about her boy's weird behavior:

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love.

How many years has it been?  Thirty-one?  I no longer have that paper, & I don't recall what grade I got on it, though I did get an A in that class, so it wasn't like I bombed or anything.

Many years later I included that poem in an email to a girl I was playing at courting, & she didn't know it was from Hamlet, which was fine.  Not everyone could be as pretentious precocious as me.

Is Hamlet the reason for this show?  Is Hamlet the reason for anything, except maybe launching the careers of hundreds of actors?  Here are forty-five of them who have played the doomed Prince of Denmark.

Seriously, though, I doubt I was thinking about Hamlet when this theme popped into my head.  You should too.  You should doubt everything I say on this blog, on the show, in conversation with me.  It's a pretty wise thing to do.

But don't doubt that Self Help Radio will explore doubt tomorrow at noon at Self Help Radio dot net!

No, wait, doubt that, too.

Preface To Doubt: Book Recommendation

Since we moved to Portland, we've kept all our books in boxes.  We expect we're going to move again within the year (to a house we'll own) & didn't want to pack & unpack again so soon.  But, apropos this week's show, there's a book that I recommend, & it's called, of course, Doubt.

It's been a while since I read it - & it wasn't the inspiration for this week's show - & there's a part of me that wishes it were handy so I could perhaps read some extracts for the show - but I remember loving the book, & I am sad I won't be able to share anything in it.

If you're looking for an entertaining & informative history of humankind's tendency to question & how that's advanced our understanding of the world, it's here.

This may be the first book I've recommended on the blog!

What Happened To Today?

Friends from Dallas came to town, I spent the afternoon & evening with them.  I need to wake up early to run the board at a station so need to get to sleep like an hour ago.  So I will take this time to remind you that:

Self Help Radio has a Facebook page.  I often preview songs for the week's show there.  Like or follow or whatever it!

Self Help Radio has a Twitter page.  I announce stuff there (like on the Facebook page) as well as live-tweet shows I do live.  Follow or like or whatever it!

Self Help Radio has a Tumblr page.  I post dumb pictures I take there, you know, like what Instagram is for.  But Self Help Radio does not have an Instagram page.  If you like to look at amateurish photos of random stuff I come across, like or follow or whatever it!

All of these are linked at Self Help Radio's web site.  That's where you can listen to shows.

My work for the day is done.  Time for maybe six hours of sleep!

Involvement

Last night I wrote this on Facebook:

Every college/community radio station meeting is the exact same college/community radio station meeting.

I don't really think that's true, but I had just returned from the monthly meeting at another community station here in Portland, & it was very similar to pretty much any radio station meeting I have attended in the last 25 years.

Which officially makes it three radio stations I'm getting involved with here in Portland.  If that seems insane to you, well, same here!

Yesterday I ran the board for one station (let's call them station # 1), which is the station that it's been easiest to get involved with (I am going up there to help with their music library stuff).  I like this station a lot, they've been incredibly welcoming, but I don't know if I want Self Help Radio on this station (for some dumb reasons) but more importantly I don't think I have much of a chance getting a show on this station any time soon.

This Thursday I train at another station (let's call it station # 2) & I also think competition is tight for airtime.  They've been the most elusive station at which to get involved - it's been hard to not take it personally.  Anyway, I half-expect the session to get cancelled.  We'll see.

As for station # 3, whose monthly meeting I attended last night: they're opening up applications for the next schedule (starting in September) & even though I've not been trained, I'm being encouraged to apply.  I hope chat with the Program Manager sooner than later to find out more about the process, but there are some reasons why I don't necessarily want Self Help Radio on this station.  I may enumerate them later.

In any event: I sure am keeping busy!

Self Help Radio 062119: Fuzz

(The logo got all fuzzy!)

You'll have to excuse me, all this fuzz has left me a bit fuzzy.

So much fuzz on this show.  Perhaps I'll need to take it to the dry cleaner.  In any event, here it is, what else is there to say about it: songs about fuzz, talk about fuzz, an interview with some crazy person who is pretending to be an inanimate object, a phone call from the show's lawyer - the truth is, even though I just went through it, it's all a bit fuzzy now.  I need to lie down.

Listen now at Self Help Radio dot net.  Use this username: SHR.  Use this password: selfhelp.  Look at what was played & said below.

My only regret: I never once of the show uttered the phrase, "Jinkers, fellas, it's the fuzz!"

Probably for good reason.

Self Help Radio Fuzz Show

"Fuzzy Patterns" The Tages _We Can Fly, Vol. 2_
"Fuzzy" Dressy Bessy _Little Music_
"A Fuzzy Feeling" Bromheads Jacket _On The Brain_

introduction & definitions

"I'm In Your Mind Fuzz" King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard _I'm In Your Mind Fuzz_
"The Fuzz" The Bloody Hollies _If Footmen Tire You_
"Fuzzies" Adam Newman _Fuzzies_
"Fuzzy Wuzzy" The Three Peppers _1937-1940_
"Fuzzy Wuzzy (Wuz A Bear)" Rosemary Clooney _Memories Of You_

interview with Phil T. Ball

"Caught By The Fuzz" Supergrass _I Should Coco_
"Shot Down By the Fuzz" The Supernovas _Don't Believe In Heroes EP_
"Buzz With The Fuzz" Chris Farlow & The Thunderbirds _The Weekend Starts Here_
"Salvation Fuzz" Monty Python _The Monty Python Matching Tie & Handkerchief_
"The Fuzz" Ellis _The Fuzz_

phone call from Self Help Radio counsel Bobcat Sloan

"Green Fuz" Randy Alvey & Green Fuz _Pebbles Volume 2_
"Jaw Cracker Fuzz" Membranes _Everyone’s Going Triple Bad Acid, Yeah! (The Complete Membranes 1980-1993)_
"Monster Fuzz" The Cambodian Space Project _Electric Blue Boogaloo_
"Slow Fuzz" Alec Bathgate _The Indifferent Velvet Void_
"Sad Fuzz" Ty Segall _Melted_

a discussion of the fuzz effect in music

"The Fuzz" Grady Martin _I Got A Woman: Gems From The Decca Vaults USA_
"The 2,000 Pound Bee" The Ventures _Radical Guitars_
"The Fuzz" Link Wray & The Wraymen _Mr Guitar_
"King Fuzz" Davie Allan & The Arrows _Blues Theme_
"Fuzz" Alex Keenan _Tell Her You Love Her 7"_

a discussion of fuzzy mouth

"Put Your Foot On The Fuzzbox Baby" Helen Love _Radio Hits 3_
"Fuzzbox (feat. Jon Spencer)" Bomb The Bass _Future Chaos_
"Kinda Fuzzy" Eels _Wonderful, Glorious_
"Fuzzy Soft Thing" Dennis Olivieri _Come To The Party_
"Fuzzy Sun" Jim O'Rourke _Halfway To A Threeway_

conclusion & goodbye

"Gertrude McFuzz" Dr. Seuss _Dr. Seuss Presents Fox In Socks, Horton Hatches The Egg, & Other Stories, Including The Sneetches_

Whither Fuzz?

(Image from here.)

This portion of the blog - the point in the week, usually the day before the show, where I discuss how I came up with the upcoming theme - I've been doing this since the beginning of the blog, seventy-nine years ago.  The presumption - wholly mine - was that surely there was an interesting story behind every idea.  I guess I was imagining myself being constantly inspired, like the show was always on the forefront of my mind, & those moments of inspiration - happening like an epiphany - would be good narratives.

This has not proven to be the case.  Here are the two main origins of themes for Self Help Radio:

1) I don't know.
2) I can't recall.

They may seem the same, but one is utter ignorance, the other is a somber recognition of my increasingly faulty memory.

Indeed, it's often the case that I know more why possible reasons for the show's theme are false than why they're true.  For example, this week's show, which is about fuzz: it's not because of the noise, or the effects pedal.  I wasn't really thinking that, & have been happily surprised there are many songs celebrating that aspect of fuzz.

While I can't say it with much certainty, if there's a discernible origin for this week's show, it's the fact that I am surrounded by fuzzy creatures.  Dogs & cats.  Too much fuzz.  If in fact they gave me the idea for the show, well, they're not taking the credit.  But they've heard me ruin good ideas time & again.

So let's hope I clear up my fuzzy brain & get the show together at noon tomorrow over on Self Help Radio dot net.  There are lots of songs with lots of fuzz & there'll even be an interview or two.  It won't give you the warm fuzzies or anything, but it'll be better than being shot by the fuzz.  You know?

Preface To Fuzz: Shades Of Fuzziness

Listen to this creepy Wikipedia article's beginning: "Body hair, or androgenic hair, is the terminal hair that develops on the human body during & after puberty. It is differentiated from the head hair & less visible vellus hair, which are much finer & lighter in color."

There's a continuum, you see: head hair, body hair, vellus hair.  As the article on vellus hair explains, "Vellus hair is sometimes colloquially referred to as peach fuzz, due to its resemblance to the downy epidermic growths on the peach fruit."

Have you ever heard the phrase "vellus hair"?  Me neither.  Why vellus?  & how is it there's a word that rhymes with jealous that no one's told me about?

"Vellus" is apparently Latin for "fleece" or "wool."  The wife is an anatomist, & she has been complaining recently about how complicated it can be to name different parts of the body (mostly interior).  I'm not going to remember what particular part of the brain she was talking about, but it apparently looked like - if I remember correctly - a bridle.  So instead of calling it "the bridle," they refer to it as the Latin word for "bridle."  This smells like some elitist 17th century shit right here, doesn't it?  I told her to just call it "the bridle."  She will not take my advice.

It is fuzzy fun to imagine a more complicated spectrum of fuzziness, from bald to hirsute.  I am a little sad about how the body gets so hairy in the weirdest of places (I'm calling you out, ears!).  & then doesn't - like, what the fuck is happening on my head?  Why does baldness happen?  It won't even be fuzzy up there in a few years.  Few years?  A few months!

There's a memory I have - maybe I've shared it here before - when I was in ninth grade, I was bored in our house - the one we briefly shared with my mother's boyfriend Ed, in late 1982 - the only time, I think, after my mother left my father when I was four in which there was an adult male in the house - I saw his razor & shaving cream & decided to shave my face.  I had a layer of peach fuzz on my mug & thought, hey, let's do this.

Of course I had no clue what I was doing - I sometimes think my own reticence to shave these days comes from the fact that there was no one to actually teach me how to do it - & I probably didn't use enough cream or scraped too hard or whatever - but in any event, my face burned after that experience.

& then - I didn't shave again for maybe two years.  Maybe less than.  I have a specific memory.

My friend Dale - who would leave Garland after our ninth grade year, but whom I would find again in my third year at the University of Texas - & hey, he's doing okay for himself - I had known Dale since the first grade, & for some weird reason in my freshman year, his locker was above mine - I have a memory of grabbing my books in between classes & saying hello to him & him saying to me, "You know, Dickerson" - he called me by my last name in those days, thanks to shared P.E. experiences - he said, "Dickerson, those sideburns aren't working for you."

The upshot of my pathetic shaving adventure was that I grew sideburns!  I have no idea if I shaved them off - I don't remember shaving regularly until maybe eleventh grade - but who knows?  I was pretty self-conscious then.

Seriously, I should've left my peach fuzz alone.

All Fifty Ways

On this past week's show, I read from a recently-unearthed lyrics sheet by Paul Simon which included all fifty ways he envisioned to "leave your lover."  Simon had intended to record a masterpiece in which he could share this musically, but his unerring pop instincts also told him if he simply included a few of the fifty ways, he could have a hit single, which is of course what happened.  There was a great deal of cocaine involved, & he never got around to going back into the studio to record the full lyrics, but, as I said, I have a copy, & I share them with you.  You can sing them out loud if you'd like.

Here are the (numbered) fifty ways that Paul Simon believed you could leave your lover.  The first five are familiar to you from the single:

01. Just slip out the back, Jack.
02. Make a new plan, Stan.
03. You don't need to be coy, Roy.
04. Hop on the bus, Gus.
05. Just drop off the key, Lee.

Here are the rest:

06. Don't go back again, Ken.
07. Try not to be a jerk, Kirk.
08. Maybe give one last kiss, Chris.
09. Leave her in your will, Bill.
10. Don't let yourself get sad, Chad.
11. Just pretend she's gone, John.
12. Act aloof & chilly, Willie
13. Make her think you're dead, Ted.
14. Relocate to Samoa, Noah.
15. Ditch her at baggage claim, James.
16. Learn the proper way to hasten, Jason.
17. Maybe use a motorcycle, Michael.
18. Or just any kind of bike, Mike.
19. Stop having so much sex, Rex.
20. Start acting Elizabethan, Ethan.
21. Replace with a cocker spaniel, Daniel.
22. Get a little fat, Matt
23. Just try to be frank, Hank.
24. Don't start a riot, Wyatt.
25. Act like a rogue knave, Dave.
26. Beg, borrow, or barter, Carter.
27. Replace her with a maiden, Jayden.
28. Don't say where you're going, Owen.
29. Make sure you're ready & willing, Dylan.
30. Be honest what you like, Ike.
31. Break all the rules, Jules.
32. Say you're brainwashed, Josh.
33. Find something else to do, Drew.
34. Just start lying, Ryan.
35. Life's not gonna wait, Nate.
36. Tell her your barren, Darren.
37. Try to stay calm, Tom.
38. Wish her the best of luck, Chuck.
39. Tell her you're a goner, Connor.
40. Explain that you're not ready, Eddie.
41. Consume too much brandy, Andy.
42. Show her that you're a snob, Bob.
43. Act like you're too sick, Nick.
44. Get thrown out like the trash, Ash.
45. Change into a madame, Adam.
46. Keep acting like a freak, Zeke.
47. Do it face-to-face, Chase.
48. Talk to a lawyer, Sawyer.
49. There's no one left to convince, Vince.
& finally:
50. Just fucking leave, Steve.

My First Radio Show In Portland

It was this one.  I subbed a folk music show.  You can listen to it over on this page if you want.  I think it went all right, although my first call was from someone who said I talked too much.

Here's the playlist:

"Over & Away She Goes" Bill Fox _Shelter From The Smoke_
"Who's Gonna Love You Now?" Peter Mulvey _There Is Another World_
"Freight Train Boogie" Red Foley _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 12: 1947_

"That's What I Want To Hear" Phil Ochs _Farewells & Fantasies_
"Benny's TV Repair" Irene Kelley _Benny's TV Repair_
"Katie Cruel" Karen Dalton _In My Own Time_
"Hope To Be That Happy" Ordinary Elephant _Honest_
"Marianne" The Easy Riders _The Easy Riders_

"Girl From Vernon Mountain" Chris Lucey _Songs Of Protest & Anti-Protest_
"Anchors" Damien Jurado _In The Shape Of A Storm_
"Rock Island Line" Odetta _Looking For A Home_
"Philosophers, Poets, & Kings" Kate Rusby _Philosophers, Poets, & Kings_
"Worthless" Anna Tivel _The Question_

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" Peggy Seeger _Folk Song America: A 20th Century Revival_
"Sunny Days" Rising Appalachia _Leylines_
"Puccini" Kath Bloom & Loren Mazzacane _Moonlight_
"AGT" Mountain Man _Magic Ship_
"Me & My Charms" Kristin Hersh _Hips & Makers_

"The Neatest Hand" The Guild League _Private Transport_
"Morning Again (Alternate Version)" Tom Paxton _The Essential_
"Won't Be Satisfied" Courtney Hartman _Ready Reckoner_
"There Will Be A Reckoning" Billy Bragg _Tooth & Nail_
"Crossing To Jerusalem" Rosanne Cash _She Remembers Everything_

Self Help Radio 061519: Fifty

That graphic I made gives the impression we're celebrating some fiftieth event or anniversary.  That's simply not the case.  The show is just exploring the number fifty.

Which is not to say that the show doesn't talk about fifty things in one way or another.  Fifty miles, fifty years, fifty cents - there are many things in groups of fifty here.  (Incidentally, I wish there were a name for groups of fifty.  We just have some DC nonprofit & that time in the book of Luke (9:14) where Jesus feeds the five thousand & has them get into "groups of about fifty each" - & if Jesus can't come up for a word for groups of fifty, I'm not going to.)

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, no anniversary, no milestone, nothing but a discussion of the number fifty plus lots of fifty-themed songs, including an entire set on the notion of "50/50" - an equitable split.

Sorry the show is late!  It's a little early today for your convenience.  But still late!  It's now at Self Help Radio dot net, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen, & what is played (including the interviews) is listed below.

Thanks for your patience!

Self Help Radio Fifty Show

"Fifty Miles Of Elbow Room" Rev. F.W. McGee _Anthology Of American Folk Music, Vol. 2B: Social Music_
"Fifty Years From Now" Harry McClintock _Protest! American Protest Songs 1928-1953_
"Fifty Million Frenchmen Can't Be Wrong (with Miff Mole's Molers & Ted Shapiro)" Sophie Tucker _The Last Of The Red Hot Mamas_

introductions & definition

"Five Ten Fiftyfold" Cocteau Twins _Head Over Heels_
"50ft Queenie" PJ Harvey _Rid Of Me_
"Sonnet 50: How Heavy Do I Journey On The Way" Benjamin Soames _The Best Of The Sonnets_
"50 Shades Of Blue" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"The 50 States Song" Sufjan Stevens _The 50 States_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Fifty-Fifty Blues (feat. Jack Teagarden)" Louis Armstrong & His All-Stars _Pops: The 1940s Small-Band Sides_
"50-50 Love" The Ramblers _The Best Of Harlem & Jax Records, Vol. 1_
"50/50" Frank Zappa _Over-Nite Sensation_
"50/50 Split" Beatnik Filmstars _Beezer_
"Fifty Fifty" The Luyas _Animator_

interview with record breaker Waylon McKensie

"Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover" Marlboro Chorus _Flirt_
"50 Ways" Kool Moe Dee _How Ya Like Me Now_
"50 Ways" Telekinesis _12 Desperate Straight Lines_
"Maybe It's Because I'm Fifty" Robin Williams _Live 2002_
"I Had But Fifty Cents" R. Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders _R. Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders_

classic rock lyric revelations

"Fifty" Bill Morrissey _The Essential Collection_
"Fifty" Tom Robinson _Love Over Rage_
"Fifty Years Of Fun" Biff Bang Pow! _The Singles As & Bs_
"50 Year Smoker" Bill Hicks _Love, Laughter, & Truth_
"Fifty Years" Originals _California Sunset_

conclusion & goodbyes

"50 Year Old Man" The Fall _Imperial Wax Solvent_
"50 Dollars" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"50 Years Of Comparative Wealth" Steve Diggle & The Flag Of Convenience _The Secret Public Years: 1981-1989_
"50 Souls & A Discobowl" The Lionheart Brothers _Dizzy Kiss_
"50% Of Your Love" Lacrosse _Are You Thinking Of Me Every Minute Of Every Day?_

Fifty Things Went Wrong Today

It's not even noon here in Portland (it's probably later where you are) but the morning was spent on the phone & fretting about issues almost entirely out of my hands but relating to selling our house in Fort Worth.  We're supposed to close today & various repairs related to our contract - which appear to have been finished - have apparently not been sufficiently documented to the satisfaction of - well, take your pick: the buyers, the realtors, the insurance company - & have therefore resulted in - I'm not sure yet!  Will the sale fall through?  Will it be delayed?  What will it cost if it's delayed?  Holy shit.

One thing is clear: there will not be a Self Help Radio at noon today.  I & the wife have been on the phone all morning long, our next-door neighbor has been sending pictures, at some point even someone of the phone agreed that it is kind of a shit-show.

Instead of scrambling to get the show done at some point today, I'm just going to plan for noon tomorrow.  I hope this isn't an inconvenience or disappointment.  I know this is like the second time in four weeks I've done this & I don't mean to make it a habit.  My apologies.

Someone's texting.  This will never frickin' end.

Whither Fifty?

(Apparently there's a film called Fifty. I did not have time to watch it for research purposes.)

Here are the obvious but incorrect reasons why the theme this week is "fifty":

1) I am turning fifty.  Nope, I did that in 2018.
2) Someone I know is turning fifty.  Nope, I know very few people.
3) It's the show's fiftieth episode.  Nope, that happened in the show's first year.
4) It's the fiftieth anniversary of the show.  Ha, I wish!  No, the show turns 17 this year.
5) It's the fiftieth anniversary of something.

That last one is true.  It's the fiftieth anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, & fifty years ago John Lennon & Yoko Ono were holding their infamous "bed-ins."  Among other things.

But no, this show is not celebrating or commemorating anything that happened fifty years ago.

Why "fifty" then?  Is there a reason?  You wouldn't do a show about a number without a reason, would you?

Yeah, I would.  The truth is, I'm not sure I should tell you why the theme will be "fifty" this week.  I can say I've done a few number shows before - I did a show about the counting numbers, & I believe I've done shows about the numbers zero, nine, & seventeen.  (I might be forgetting others; I was certain I'd done a show about the number four but I guess I have not.)  Numbers are reliable - people like to sing songs about numbers.  But was it simply because I knew there'd be lots of songs about the number fifty that I chose that as a theme?

Did someone request it?  Why, why, why is the theme "fifty" this week?

Oh, all right.  I'll tell you.  It's because of what I learned about the number fifty here: "The number 50 is witty. People generally smile a lot when they're around 50."

Who wouldn't want to listen to a witty radio show theme that everyone smiles a lot around?  Not me! I wanna listen to that!

If you listen tomorrow at noon at the Self Help Radio website, you'll probably smile a lot around the wit of fifty.  That's the reason for the show.  Not something ridiculous.

Not at all.

Preface To Fifty: Turning Fifty

In the arrogance & despair of youth, I never thought I'd make it to fifty.  I didn't know exactly what would happen to me - would I take my own life? would I die of carelessness? would something awful & unfair happen?  Who knows?  I just had this sense - & I suppose lots of self-involved sensitive souls feel this way - that I probably wouldn't make it past my twenties.

Then, you know, it happened.  Suddenly I was no longer a broken-hearted eighteen-year-old, I was a broken-hearted twenty-eight-year-old.  Then thirty-eight, then - wonder of wonders - fifty.

For a long time I really, really wanted to keep a journal, & tried to do so in fits & starts throughout my life.  The trouble is, I don't do anything really important, & I don't have any real insights into anything.  So a few years ago, I started writing down what I did during the day, sometimes just a checklist, to give me a sense of what my life was like at the time.  I did this for my fiftieth birthday & it simply didn't sound special or interesting when I just read about it.  In fact, it sounds a lot like most of my time in Dallas/Fort Worth: dog walking & lots of driving.  I also picked my wife up at the airport.  I did that a lot.

What I don't think I did was take stock of myself, meditate on my mortal situation, put things into some context like "there is now more life behind me than in front of me."  Why not, I wonder.

First of all, it's because I've never felt my age.  Not having been a terribly physical person, the most I notice is greying beard & receding hairline, & loss of vision.  I have to wear reading glasses now.  That's the most old my body seems.

Second, I think I never adulted as much as everyone else.  I didn't have kids, & I spent a great deal of time at colleges, consistently surrounded by young people.  (It was a great sadness to me that I couldn't help out at KTCU, the college station in Fort Worth.  I miss all the kids at WRFL.)  That tends to keep one relatively young in spirit, even as one appears to turn into a crotchety old timer.

& finally, I stopped making a big deal of my birthday maybe a decade ago.  I don't have a party, I don't do anything special, I don't even want cards or other shit from family.  It's really just another day, & I'd much rather mark time by things I care about doing - like my radio program - than something like a birthday ritual.

Now, this week's show has the theme "fifty" but I turned fifty last year.  So it has nothing to do with my age, which is currently fifty-one.  I'll try to talk tomorrow about why the theme is fifty.  For today's shabby essay, I just wanted to reflect on what I thought, if anything about turning fifty.  It turns out, not much.

Which is maybe too bad; many folks wanted me to see it as a milestone.  I will tell you that I did drive to see my mother on January 20, 2018 - it was a Saturday - & she was moving out of her apartment into my sister's house.  My nephew Josh & his wife showed up.  I went to have dinner with old friends from KVRX at a place I really do miss, Kalachandji's in Dallas.  & I picked my wife up from the airport; she had gone to Lexington for a funeral.

Maybe sixty will be a bigger deal.

Heat Wave!

Record breaking heat in Portland!

No seriously, records were broken!

It's going to be several days of 90+ degree weather.  What on earth is one supposed to do?

Of course, the average daily temperature in Dallas/Fort Worth has been ninety plus degrees for weeks now, & soon will be a hundred degrees or more, so it's a little funny for me to hear people fret about the weather.  They did this in Lexington, too.

The wife bikes to work, & has marveled at how Portlanders will trudge through snow, sleet, rain, virtually any kind of nasty weather - but she says heat is their kryptonite.  Everyone biking home this afternoon in 95 degree weather was going quite slow, she reports.

It cooled down tonight & will be pleasant in the a.m.  We went for a dog walk tonight & we'll go for one tomorrow.

Next week, the highs will maybe hit eighty.  Texas would be so much more bearable if it had just a week-long heat wave every once in a while instead of, you know, months-long heat waves.

& no, I don't feel responsible for bringing this weather here.  I think I lost the Texas weather that was trying to follow me somewhere outside of Salt Lake City.

Obligatory Gary Cartoon

Found this in a romance comic from 1957:

Incidentally, 1957 was the last time anyone daydreamed about being with a Gary.

Self Help Radio 060719: Talk Show

(Original image found here.)

Yeah, yeah, isn't every Self Help Radio a talky show?  Whatever.  Whatever!  Disrespect me all you want, I made an entire radio show about talking!  & you know what else?  I had six or seven more hours worth of songs about talking that I deliberately chose not to play because I didn't want to talk that much.  That's right, I showed restraint.  There's a first time for everything.

The show, as chatty & verbose & garrulous & effusive as it is, is now over at the Self Help Radio website.  Oh, how I'd love it if you had to talk into your computer to tell the password, but we don't live in a crazy sci-fi world when things are voice activated, ha ha, are you nuts?  So you'll need to type SHR for the username & selfhelp for the password.  If you want to listen.  If you want to talk, just give me a call.

The songs I played are below.  Enjoy the show.  Talk to you later!

Self Help Radio Talk Show

"Talk" Bloods _Feelings_
"Talk Talk" Talk Talk _The Party's Over_
"Talk Talk Talk" The Ordinary Boys _Over The Counter Culture_
"Talk Talk Talk Talk" Love Is All _Nine Times The Same Song_

"Happy Talk" Ella Fitzgerald _Invite You To Listen & Relax_
"Talk To The Animals" Sammy Davis Jr. _Sings The Complete "Dr. Dolittle"_
"Animal Talk" Twink _The Broken Record_
"Elephant Talk" King Crimson _Discipline_
"Talk Talk" The Music Machine _Nuggets_

"Talkin'" Ty Segall _Ty Segall_
"Some Candy Talking" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Some Candy Talking EP_
"Did I Ever Tell You About The Man That Taught His Asshole To Talk" William S. Burroughs _Spare Ass Annie & Other Tales_
"Talk To Strangers" Saul Williams _Saul Williams_
"Talkin Trash" Betty Davis _Nasty Gal_

"Small Talk" Claudine Longet _Love Is Blue_
"Talking In The Dark" Elvis Costello _Taking Liberties_
"Too Much Talk" Gangway _Sitting In The Park_
"Talky-Talky" Young Bryan Superstar _The Young Bryan Superstar EP_
"Talking In Your Sleep" Rogue Wave _Cover Me_

"Girl Talk" Julie London _Feeling Good_
"Shop Talk" John Prine _Storm Windows_
"Short Exchanges" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Talk" Tacocat _Lost Time_
"Talk To Me" Cloud Nothings _Leave You Forever EP_

"Talk Show" Nots _We Are Nots_
"Talk To Me" Pere Ubu _The Tenement Year_
"Trash Talk" Stephen Colbert _I Am America & So Can You_
"You Can't Talk To The Dude" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_
"Why Won't You Talk About It" The Radio Dept. _Lesser Matters_

"Talkin' Loud & Sayin' Nothing" James Brown _There It Is_
"School For Double Talk" Gary Owens _Put Your Head On My Finger_
"Talking Dirty" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
"Talk To Your Doctor" Todd Barry _Super Crazy_

Whither A Talk Show?

(I found this image here.)

Just to be clear, this isn't an episode about talk shows.  I am just trying to break up the monotony of a single theme (in this case "talk") by adding the word "show" to it because Self Help Radio is a show.  Like, last week's show I called "an ordinary show."  I think that was last week's show.  I do that sort of thing from time-to-time.

How I wish I could do a show about talk shows!  I'm sure there are a few songs about famous shows & hosts.  Maybe I could just play clips from talk shows as if they were songs.  No, that's dumb.  But I'll keep it in mind: a show about talk shows sounds fun.

As I said earlier in the week on the show's Facebook page (where I often preview some of the songs I'll play on the show), the idea for this show mostly probably came around the time Mark Hollis died.  He was (in case you didn't know) the lead singer of Talk Talk & I wanted to have an excuse to play a song by him on the show.

There were two options: find a song that fit a theme or explore a theme I've been thinking about for a while: a show in which bands sing songs that have their names in them.  That would be fun, right?  Talk Talk have a song called "Talk Talk."  There are others.

Of course I instead opted to do a show about talking, so I could play the song "Talk Talk," which I first heard on the radio back in 1982 when new wave music sneaked onto commercial fm in the states for a brief period.  I loved it, & then I missed it, only rediscovering it after I'd gone to college & had a little bit of (student loan) money to buy used records.

That's why this week's show is a talking show.  One last thing: as much as it's probably somewhat easier to do broad themes, I really hate having to go through hours & hours of songs.  It's exhausting. I prefer narrower themes, thank you very much.

It's a talk show!  Tomorrow!  At noon!  At Self Help Radio dot net!  Guests TBA.

Preface To Talking: Me Talking

Anyone who's met me - or hell, even listened to the show - knows I'm a talker.  I can talk a lot & say very little.  I think I've always talked too much.

In third grade, at Caldwell Elementary School, my teacher, whose name I believe was Mrs. Carnes, she had no tolerance for chatty or squabbling kids.  If you were yapping uncontrollably, or if you were fighting, she'd put you on a little rug in the corner of the classroom, on which you'd sit & you couldn't say anything nor move.  She called it the "bicker rug."  & I spent a fair amount of time on that bicker rug.  Not for bickering though.

But I wanted to tell you two stories about how talkative I am.  The first involves a pen pal I got in twelfth grade.  I took first year French in twelfth grade for complicated reasons, involving me wanting to irk my mother, & also because I took two years of Latin & the school didn't have a third year program.  One aside: I took two years of Latin & remember very little of it.  That's kinda crazy when I think about it now.  I figure the class was pretty lame, & I remember the guys in the back corner cheating off me when we had pop quizzes, since I was probably the only person in class who memorized the vocabulary words the night before.  Another aside: I think I still have the textbook.  I liked it so much I stole it.  Anyway.

In French class we were able to get pen pals because you could write to a living person who spoke the language, unlike Latin where they encouraged you to write to priests & by the time I was in twelfth grade I was too old for them anyway.  (Sorry, stupid joke, can't help myself.)  I had three pen pals, two in France & one in Belgium.  The French girls were very silly & wanted to know how cute I was & I knew I wasn't & I stopped writing to them basically because they wanted to write in French.  I had just one year of French & I was probably not going to pursue it.

The Belgium girl however wanted to know about me & my life & my country & also she wanted to write in English.  So we stayed in touch.  All through college I would send her cassette tapes with music on them & some where I talked to her.  She did the same, & in fact, she once sent me a tape of a Dutch group called the Nits which I love to this day.

In 1992, I had the chance to go visit her, & I did, & it was an interesting journey & when we were in her room at her little co-op in Gent & I was looking through her record collection, I was blabbing away & she was looking at me quizzically & I said, "What is it?"  She said, "I didn't expect you to talk so much."

We still talk, I called her on her birthday this year & was reminded of that moment.  Because I was just yammering on & on.

There's one way to get me to stop talking, & that is to give me psychedelic drugs.  On acid I can't turn away from the experience enough to form thoughts.  The same is true on ecstasy.  In both cases I am so enraptured with what is happening in my head (& on e, with what's happening all over my body) that it takes me fucking forever to turn a thought into words.

My wife is the exact opposite.  She won't shut up.  Back in our druggy youth, I used to ask her to invite people over to keep her company while we were rolling because I simply couldn't keep up.  One friend of hers, with whom she was chatting during one of these times, noticed how quiet I was being, & I saw her whisper confidentially to the wife, "Is Gary okay?"

In typical Gary-on-drugs fashion, it took me a few minutes to process the experience & respond.  By then, they had moved on to other topics, so when I commented, they just laughed.

If you heard the show - was it last week's? the week before? - when I talked about my recent marijuana experience, you may recall I related a similar experience.  I was paying attention to what was going on in my brain - where there was an abundance of talking to be sure - & couldn't respond readily to the wife, which made her think something was wrong with me.  I did manage to tell her what I said on the show, which was this: I'd been through similar things before, I knew it would end eventually, she shouldn't worry.

It was probably the quietest evening she's had with me in a long time.

Baby Steps

So... I thought I had kinda cool news to tell you today...  I wanted to confirm it before I said anything...  You know how I told you yesterday I was going to shadow another deejay & I was technically allowed to sub at a station in Portland?  I thought I had been assigned a show to sub.  But I did ask the Program Manager & was told that actually, someone else took the show.

What I did do today is read an underwriting announcement & do a legal ID on the air.  It marks my first appearance on Portland radio.  Wanna hear it?

Well you can't.  Alas, it was in-between pre-recorded programming & the station does not archive that (since, you know, the program is available at its source).

Still, I was oddly nervous, & a little freaked out.  I mixed up the running order that was suggested to me - totally unconsciously - & then I was afraid I would be taken as contrary.

This particular place, I'm not entirely sure what's going on behind the scenes, but the programmers have all been quite nice.  They certainly enjoy what they're doing.

As soon as I know when or if I'll be on the air, I will let you know.  I thought it would be today!  It was not.