Self Help Radio 082319: There's No Self Help Radio 082319

Yeah, I was sick all week & didn't make a new show.  I'm sorry about that.  There'll be one last podcast next week & then the show returns to the airwaves Monday, September 2, at 6am.  So in a sense, you don't get a new Self Help Radio this week, but you get two new episodes next week.

However, should you really need to hear me play songs for a theme, you can do so anyway, as before I got too ill, I took lots of cold medicine & did my first sub show on xray.fm.  It was National Radio Day & the theme was, well, radio.  You can find the show at the Self Help Radio website or just go to the XRAY page which is here.  What I played is below.

Again, apologies for not forging through the sickness.  See you in a week!

Self Help Radio Radio Show
"Corporate Standardized Programming" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Roadrunner" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
"Rock & Roll" The Velvet Underground _Loaded_

"Having A Party" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio?" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Raised On Radio" Slimer _In Their Eyes: '90s Teen Bands Vs. '80s Teen Movies_
"Around The Dial" The Kinks _Give The People What They Want_
"Caroline's Radio" Bubblegum Lemonade _Sophomore Release_

"Radio, Radio (Capital Radio Version)" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"FM" The Mountain Goats _Sweden_
"Summer Pop Radio" Helen Love _Radio Hits Vol. 1_
"Oh Yeah" Roxy Music _Flesh + Blood_
"Video Killed The Radio Star" Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club _English Garden_

"Transmission" Joy Division _Substance 1977-1980_
"This Is Radio Clash" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_
"Turn Off Your Radio" The Essentials _Fast Music In A Slow Town EP_
"Left Of The Dial" The Replacements _Tim_
"Mexican Radio" El Vez _Graciasland_

"My Radio (AM Mix)" Stars _Nightsongs_
"Radio" Felix Da Housecat _Virgo, Blaktro, & The Movie Disco_
"Heard It On The Radio" The Bird & The Bee _Interpreting The Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall & John Oates_
"Yesterday Once More" Redd Kross _If I Were A Carpenter_
"DJ" David Bowie _Lodger_

"Caravan" Van Morrison _Moondance_
"Radio" Hackamore Brick _One Kiss Leads To Another_
"On The Radio" Tom Selleck's Moustache _Heartbreak 101_
"Radio" Teenage Fanclub _Thirteen_
"On The Radio" Mind Spiders _Meltdown_

Yeah, This Week Wouldn't Have Worked

This morning I ventured outside for the first time in over a day to walk the dogs.  I got a little woozy but made it through.  My voice sounds like me making fun of Ned Dry.

Here's the thing: my wife had this all last week, & she went to work & taught people.  I need to go conduct a training session at Freeform Portland tonight & I don't know if I'm going to be able to make the drive.

Last week's Last Week Tonight talked about bias in medicine, & although I don't recall if they covered this - but I have always assumed that when it comes to pain, woman are just stronger than men.  It might just be me, but I am waylaid by the smallest discomfort.

& when I feel a cold coming on, I know the best thing to do is take some medication & try to sleep it off.  Except this week I really, really wanted to do a show on XRAY.  & I really, really wanted to do training.  So I settled for scuttling Self Help Radio & spending Wednesday in a haze.

It's all for the best - my show is shabby enough as it is.  I need to go try not to infect new deejays as I train them & then I hope to sleep twelve hours tonight.

Still Quite Ill & In No Way Presentable

The neighbors are having a neighborhood gathering (well, it's basically just four houses) & have invited us over.  The wife is at work & I have been dozing in bed, decongestants in my system, my weird dreams nowhere near as interesting as they were last night when I had a fever.

This occurred to me sometime this morning: it's interesting that we don't do things to induce fevers because the thoughts & hallucinations I have when my temperature is up seem as provocative & strange as the least of my experiences with psychedelics, so many moons ago.  In that sense, I kind of anticipate fevers in a hungry way, although of course I know they're much, much more dangerous than acid or mushrooms.  & oh look, I've answered my own question.

There was no way I could sit in front of the computer today so I guess I'm going to cancel this week's show.  It's for the best - I can spend more time on my first on-air show in forever (!) & also on my last podcast, which is the indiepop a to z series.

Gosh, I need to go back to sleep right now.

Sick As A Dog

Filled up with meds & sucked cough drops so I was able to do the XRAY fm show, but am now in the full throes of a cold.  Will hopefully sleep all day tomorrow & maybe won't be able to do this week's show.  But I'll post the show I did today - a Self Help Radio-type show I never did, a show about the radio, since it was National Radio Day.  Now.  I think I have a fever.  I will get ready for chills & that weirdly beautiful moment when the fever breaks.  Good night.

It Figures

Tomorrow I have my first show on XRAY FM & today I woke up with a sore throat.

This doesn't mean I won't do the show, but it does mean I spent most of the day sucking cough drops & feeling like something worse was just around the corner.  So far, so good.

The wife had a sore throat last week & I refused to stop kissing her.  Today she blamed my sickness on the fact that she eats from the serving spoons when she's making our dinner plates.  This may need some explanation:

The one who cooks around here is me.  When everything is ready, the wife takes over & "makes our plates," which means she puts the food I've prepared on plates (& in tupperware for the leftovers).  She does this ostensibly because she wants to control our portion sizes & because she makes it look prettier than I could but her ulterior motive is to eat more of the food when she's putting it onto the plates.  For example, if I've made some kind of sandwich spread, she'll put it on the bread but take bites in-between.

It may surprise you that I know all this & haven't put a stop to it, but it makes her happy.  We always make too much food.  "The art of cooking for two is lost on me & you," as the poet says.

What I find amusing is that she thinks this particular thing is what has caused me to get something close to the same illness she had.  Not, you know, the kissing, or the fact that we live together & spend as much of the day as we can together.  Nope!  It's her "cheating" when she is putting our dinner together.

Okay, going to sleep early tonight.  Did you know tomorrow is National Radio Day?  What a fortuitous time for me to do my first XRAY show!

Self Help Radio 081619: Floating

(Image from here.)

It's at times like this, when the show is done & I'm wondering what I could've done to make it better, that I think about Muhammad Ali's maxim, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."  I wouldn't mind floating like a butterfly - they seem to be susceptible to the slightest of breezes - but of course when a honeybee stings you, she dies.  That seems not only unfair, but inappropriate.  Might I just float like a butterfly, & enjoy honey like a bee?  I'll bet eating while you're floating is fun.

Would you go up on one of those planes which gets just so high that you experience weightlessness?  Or would you go into space, just to float a bit?  I might.  Or I might just take the rest of the afternoon, fill a tub up with water, & float until it gets too cold, or too lukewarm anyway.

The show is done, though, so please, float over to it & have a listen.  It's mostly intangible but you can find it at the Self Help Radio website.  There'll be a username & password there, those are SHR & selfhelp.  The show has lots of music plus some ridiculous interviews which you can find out about by looking below.

Just don't float away.  If you can in fact float.  Which you probably can.

Self Help Radio Floating Show

"Floating" The Moody Blues _To Our Children's Children's Children_
"Floating (SSRU Demo)" Section 25 _Illuminus Illumina_
"Floating" Julee Cruse _Floating Into The Night_

introduction & definitions

"The Float" Hank Ballard & The Midnighters _All 20 Of Their Chart Hits 1953-1962_
"Float" Palindromes _Muy Muy Pop Yum Yum_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part I" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"We Are Floating" Archie Bronson Outfit _Wild Crush_
"Does It Float" Dinosaur Jr _Dinosaur_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space" Spiritualized _Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space_
"California Floating In Space" Call & Response _Call & Response_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part II" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floated In" Frankie Cosmos _Next Thing_
"Floaty" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_

Ned Dry makes his famous ice cream float
phone call from Mary Poppins' daughter

"Floating In A Vacuum" Plastic Mermaids _Suddenly Everyone Explodes_
"Floating In The Forth" Frightened Rabbit _The Midnight Organ Fight_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part III" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floating In Space" The Apples In Stereo _Travellers In Space & Time_
"Floating By" The Red Button _She's About To Cross My Mind_

interview with poet Phineas Johnston

"Dead Man's Float" Sage Francis _Copper Gone_
"She Floated Away" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part IV" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Float My Bed" Lorelei _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Float To The Top" Madder Rose _Tragic Magic_

conclusion & goodbye

"Floating" Xerox Feinberg _12 Big Hits (Of 1985)_
"We Float" PJ Harvey _Stories From The City Stories From The Sea_
"Floating Dream" The Peanut Butter Conspiracy _Spreading From The Ashes_

Whither Floating?

(This image from a terrifying article called Why Do Corpses Float?)

Just imagine this: you're floating.  It could be in warm water, it could be in the clouds.  You aren't expending any energy at all, you've given yourself up to whatever forces of nature will keep you afloat.  You feel lighter than air, you could be a leaf suspended in a gentle wind, or part of the very clouds in which you float.  That's a nice thing to imagine, right?  Calming, even relaxing.  It might even make you a little drowsy, the experience so pleasurable you imagine it would be nice to doze off in such a state.

That would be a mistake.  The safety you feel while floating is an illusion.  Suddenly you're taken under the water!  Or you begin to fall!  Gravity is again the master!  You cannot escape its ruthless hold no matter how hard you try.  You can struggle but there's a part of you that knows you're utterly doomed, your foolishness in believing you could float forever leading you to a painful, untimely end.

That feeling there, that sense that you made a horrible mistake & won't be able to correct it no matter how hard you try?  That's the normal emotional reaction to Self Help Radio, which this week will be about floating.  If you're strong enough to ignore that feeling, you probably also text & drive.  In which case, please listen!

It'll happen Friday at noon at Self Help Radio dot net.  It will not, alas, float in the air on radio waves - that's still a couple of weeks away.  But perhaps you'll welcome the sound waves floating into you as you listen, & as always standard disclaimers apply.

Preface To Floating: Recurring Dreams

Believe it or not, I used to have a recurring dream where I was floating.

This dream would usually happen at the apartment complex I lived in from the ages of around ten to fourteen.  They were called Villa Cordoba & I've written about them on this blog before, namely here & here.  I hadn't really thought about it before, but perhaps one of the reasons I dreamt about floating there is that I had actually seen the apartment complex from up high, as I often climbed trees which grew higher than the complex.

The apartments were in a square configuration, with the front doors looking out on all four sides, & each unit having a back patio.  The patio walls were solid, they looked like stucco but were perhaps made of concrete or even stone, I'm not sure.  You could clamber up onto the walls of the patios & jump onto trees in the complex, all of which grew inside (in the middle of the complex was a pool & a few apartments whose patios were in the front of the unit, outside the front door).  I wish I could remember what kind of trees they were, but they grew taller than the second story, as I said, & I could even see over the apartments to the middle school to the northeast & the back of the shopping center to the southeast.

In my dreams, I'm not flying, I'm floating.  Hovering, really.  There's no indication how I got up there, & friends & family below me - I'm floating higher than the apartments - don't seem at all impressed that I'm up there.  I recall that I have to strain to hear what they're talking about, & to yell to get their attention.  At some point in the dream, either someone asks me or I become concerned about the prospect of getting down.  I'm over two stories up & not really moving, just floating there.  The rest of the dream is all about how I get back to the ground - sometimes scarily, I just lose the ability to float; sometimes cleverly, I manage to get to a tree or a window; & sometimes skillfully, I figure out how to slowly descend.  In no cases do I actually hurt myself - I would usually wake up before that happened.

But I did write that I used to have this dream.  I haven't had it in years.  Probably not since my twenties, which is more than half my life ago.  But I had them enough to remember them vividly.  & like everything else I no longer experience, I realize now I miss them terribly.

In Case You're Keeping Score

Today I was trained at a third Portland radio station.  It went well, I think I could navigate the set-up, & I thanked the person who took the time to train me, & as I was driving home, I got a text:

Can you sub next Tuesday from 2-4pm?

My response was:

Wow! Sure!

(Not that I texted while I was driving!  No, I waited till I was stopped.  So I was texting while I was idling.)

That means that - if we arrived roughly three months ago - by this time next week I will have been trained at & deejayed at three different radio stations.  That's a personal record for me.

& almost certainly something Portland will soon be sick of.

T-Minus Three Weeks & Hey What Does T-Minus Even Mean?

It says here, "In a NASA countdown to a rocket launch, 'T-minus' translates to 'Time minus'; the T stands for the exact time at which the rocket is scheduled to be launched. In more technical terms, the T in T-minus is a designator for the main sequence countdown time that serves as the synchronization device for most of the equipment & procedures that must be completed before, during, & after the launch."

It appears I was wrong above.  I am writing this close to nine pm on Monday, August 12.  Self Help Radio's debut on Portland radio is at 6am Monday, September 2.  Which means it would be more proper to say "T-minus twenty days & fifteen hours."  Anything more specific would be weird, since I sometimes start writing these things, get distracted, & return much later.  But "T-Minus three weeks" is definitely incorrect.

It's weird to think that Self Help Radio will be back on the air.  I am trying to think of something special to do but to be honest it's best to be as normal as possible.  The theme will be "a new start" but nothing will be terribly new about the show.  Except I'll be doing it live!  That's so exciting!

This week I wasn't able to snag any sub shows so it'll be a week without me irritating Portland radio.  Myself, I spent the day listening to songs about floating.  There are lots of electronica tunes about floating.  It's a theme that lends itself to pretty electronica.  Should I do an all-instrumental show one day?  I probably have before, but I don't know if I should try it again especially when I'm about to be introduced to the Portland airwaves.

These are things I think about all the damn time.  Sometimes instead of doing something.

One last thing: I just watched a film about a person who was in an awful relationship with a junkie & at the end (no spoilers, I won't tell you the film), the junkie died - ODed - & I thought, "That's the happiest ending, isn't it?  The junkie dies."  This is despite me knowing a couple of people who would self-describe as junkies who managed to kick it & not destroy themselves.  Maybe I should rethink my own attitudes about people with addiction.

Anyway.  T-minus what?  I can't be expected to keep up with this!

Self Help Radio 080919: Feathers

(Original image here.)

Feathers! They're used for flying, they keep birds warm, & they keep birds dry.  & if that isn't what you want out of a radio show, I don't know what is.  The Self Help Radio promise: this show about feathers will help you fly, keep you warm, or keep you dry.  You don't get to choose which, however.  & only one function per show!

This is an extremely silly show & I am tempted to call it plucky but I'm afraid you'll notify the Pun Police, so I need to get to the show without feather ado.

You can listen now & whenever you like at Self Help Radio dot net.  There is as usual a password & a username, & those are selfhelp & SHR respectively.  The show is just under two hours long & everything that happens, including the interviews, are listed below.

Please don't consider me giving you this the show the same as giving you the bird.  & oh dear, I've been arrested by the Pun Police.

Self Help Radio Feathers Show

"The Devil & The Feathery Wife" Nick Dow _Burd Margaret_
"Birds Of A Feather" The Orange Peels _2020_
"I Feel Like A Feather In The Breeze" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_

introduction & definitions

"Mice & Feathers" 63 Crayons _Good People_
"Feather From The Sun" Blue Orchids _The Once & Future Thing_
"Birds Of A Feather" Mike Stewart & The Stable Hands _Mister Ed The Talking Horse "Straight From The Horse's Mouth"_
"More Feathers" Fading Tribesmen _The Essential Pebbles Collection, Vol. 2: Still More Ultimate '66 Garage Classics!_
"Two Ton Feather" Dion _The Road I'm On: A Retrospective_

Marge Most interrupts!

"Birds Of A Feather" Joe South _Games People Play_
"Feathers" Lee Hazlewood _Poet, Fool, Or Bum_
"Mr. Feathers" Elvis Costello & The Imposters _Momofuku_
"Grow Feathers" Coyle & Sharpe _Audio Visionaries: Street Pranks & Put-Ons_
"Feather By Feather" Smog _Supper_

interview with human with feathers Albus Shariaty

"Feathered Fish" Sons Of Adam _Pebbles, Vol. 2_
"The Feathered Tiger" Kaleidoscope _Faintly Blowing_
"Funny Feathers" Victoria Spivey _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"Somewhere There's A Feather" Nico _Chelsea Girl_
"Paste Me On Some Feathers" Sammi Smith _Sunshine_

interview with trendspotter Duke Simpson

"Feather Bed" Cannon's Jug Stompers _Before The Blues, Vol. 3 (The Early American Black Music Scene)_
"That Old Feather Bed On The Farm" Gene Autry _That Silver Haired Daddy Of Mine_
"Grandma's Feather Bed" The New Kingston Trio _The World Needs A Melody_
"Feather Bed" Fruit Bats _The Ruminant Band_
"Featherframe" Pale Saints _In Ribbons_

conclusion & goodbye

"Shake A Tail Feathers" The Five Du-Tones _Beg, Scream, & Shout! The Big Ol' Box Of '60s Soul_
"Feathers Oar Blades" Cocteau Twins _Lullabies To Violaine_
"Chicken & Feathers" Nick Lowe _The Abominable Showman_
"Feather Falling" Kelley Stoltz _Que Aura_
"Fuzzy Feather" Sad Day For Puppets _Pale Silver & Shiny Gold_
"One Black Feather" The Last Names _Wilderness_

Whither Feathers?

(Image from here.)

Gosh, I don't honestly know why the show this week is about feathers.  How embarrassing is that!  I've just been operating as though I should do a show about feathers, & I'm therefore putting together a show about feathers, & it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

Can I tell you what I find the weirdest thing about birds?  I have never felt like one should keep birds - I kinda like it when people walk around with parrots on the shoulders & what-not - but I don't think I'd want to have one as a pet.  We had a budgie, the family did, in my childhood - or maybe we were watching someone else's budgie - & it just seemed so sad all the time, in this little cage, occasionally chirping, & made to be quiet by putting a blanket over its cage at night.  I keep saying cage.  It's kept in a frickin' cage!  Isn't that crazy.

Anyway, I've had to dispose of a few birds because I have a bird-killing hound - I don't think she means to kill them, I think she just wants to play - when they stop moving, she loses interest, & I come in to pick the poor things up & put them in the garbage.  Here's the thing I find so weird: they're so light.  They weigh almost nothing!  It seems like that's self-explanatory - there's a phrase, "light as a feather," to describe near-weightlessness, & of course their bones are hollow - but to feel it in real life, that's odd.  You expect a little more heft.  Or at least I do.

The show itself will probably be just as light & inconsequential.  It'll happen tomorrow at noon at Self Help Radio dot net.  It may actually happen on time this week!  I better get my shit together - starting in September, there's not going to be the chance to do a show late.

The Big Announcement

Last week on the show, I teased a big announcement this week.  It's time for that!  Here it is.  Are you sitting down?  Why?  It's really not all that important.

Starting September 2, 2019, Self Help Radio returns to the airwaves - this time in Portland, Oregon.  It'll be on Freeform Portland, 90. 3 + 98.3 fm & online at freeformportland.org.  It'll be on weekly from 6-8am.

This will be the first time Self Help Radio's been on the actual radio since April 2018, I believe.  It also marks the fourth city & the fifth station on which the show has appeared.

Naturally I am grateful for the opportunity & I've probably already expressed how much I like Freeform Portland.  I've subbed there a few times, I'm helping with their Music Library Committee, & starting this month I'm on their training committee.  The place has a great vibe.

That's that.  There are four more podcasts before then, so let's focus on those before, wow!  Back on the fm airwaves!  Hooray!

Lucy Tells A Joke About Feathers

But the punchline remains elusive.

Is There Such A Thing As A Little Exhaustion?

This has been a long day.  Here's what I did:

At 5:30 am, I walked with the wife my dogs.  This was her first day of teaching neuroanatomy & I signed up to run the board for news & public affairs programs at KBOO.  So.  We coaxed the pups to pooped & prepared for our day.  She went to work.  I went to the radio station.

Let me tell you, with just a few hours of sleep under my belt (that's a mixed metaphor, right?), I made a couple of big mistakes, but they wouldn't make any sense to relate.  I might not be asked back.

At home, I fed my animals, I had lunch, I tried to nap, I woke & showered & headed back to KBOO, where I help with the music library.

After that, I headed to another station - XRAY - to help with their music library.

Once home - after dinner - I wrote some emails in regards to projects with Freeform Portland.  & signed up to help at an event this weekend that XRAY is putting on.

Tonight, after the wife went to sleep, I drank a little whiskey & continued watching The Boys, which I have enjoyed more than let's say the last seven Marvel movies combined.  It might be eight.

But now I should go to bed.  I have a Self Help Radio to work on tomorrow!

Self Help Radio 080219: Shyness

(Original image here.)

Well, I warned you it would be late.  Let's just pretend the show was a little shy, yes?

It's late in the day & later where you are so I'll just say I think it turned out well despite me frantically putting it together in climps & clumps.  It may also be the first place you hear the idiom "shy as the pepper on a plate of cheese."  & possibly the last.

So: Self Help Radio dot net right now.  Username SHR, password selfhelp.  Please don't be shy, share this shyness with everyone!

Self Help Radio Shyness Show

"I'm A Shy Guy" Nat King Cole Trio _Jumpin' At Capitol: The Best Of The Nat King Cole Trio_
"Shy Baby" Curley Williams & His Georgia Peach Pickers _Swing & Boogie Time With Curley Williams & His Georgia Peach Pickers_
"Bashful & Blue" Floyd Turnham Orchestra _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll, Vol. 1_

introduction & definitions

"Shy Boy" Tomorrow _Tomorrow_
"Shy Boy" The Lovelites _With Love From The Lovelites_
"Don't Be Shy" Cat Stevens _The Road To Find Out_
"Too Shy" Direct Hits _Whaam! Bam! Thank You Dan! A Whaam! Records Compilation 1981-1984_
"The Shyest Time" The Apartments _The Shyest Time_

interview with motivational speaker Dirk Robbins

"Ask" The Pines _Romantic & Square Is Hip & Aware_
"Shy Like You" 14 Iced Bears _In The Beginning_
"Shy Away" Love Parade _Past Crimes_
"Starshy" Heavenly _Le Jardin De Heavenly_
"Too Shy" Moe Tucker _I Spent A Week There The Other Night_

interview with the shyest person in the world, author Mary Hansom

"Homosapien" Pansy Division _Deflowered_
"Shy" Beezus _Lives Of The Saints_
"I Would But I'm Shy" Fast & Dirty _Live From Our Pants_
"Shy Laura" The Summer Suns _Bedbugs_
"Bashful" The Pacific Ocean _Birds Don't Think They're Flying_

a dramatic readings of a classic rock song: "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo

"All Dressed Up & Shy" Club 8 _Nouvelle_
"Shy Song" True Love Always _Spring Collection_
"The Shy Guy Returns A Toaster" Jonathan Winters _Wings It!_
"I'm Shy" The Juliana Hatfield Three _Whatever, My Love_
"Don't Be Shy" The Libertines _The Libertines_

an exploration of idioms using the word 'shy'

"Camera-Shy" The Lucksmiths _Naturaliste_
"For The Camera Shy" Marine Life _Fool Of A Kind_
"Shy Boy" Gap Dream _This Is Gap Dream_
"Shyness" Thieves Like Us _Again & Again_
"Shy" Local Natives _Violet Street_

conclusion & goodbye

"2 Shy" Happy Birthday _Happy Birthday_
"Too Shy To Die" Buy Off The Bar _It's Up To Billy_

Whither Shyness?

(I took this picture in May, I titled it "Shy Mountains.")

Honestly, it's surprising that it's taken me this long to do a show about shyness.  The reason it happened has nothing to do with a song or songs I was listening to.  Instead, I happened upon a discussion, which I referenced yesterday, about the difference between shyness & introversion.  I started thinking how hard it would be to do a show about introversion.  That would take me weeks!  But shyness would be easy!

It of course began with "Ask" by the Smiths & down the rabbit hole I went.  I noticed that the word "shy" can mean to recoil or step back from, like in gun shy or camera shy - or even in the phrase shy away.  That opened up other possibilities - & took us farther away from introversion.

Here's where I mention the show will happen tomorrow at noon, but, alas, it won't.  I have a morning commitment at a radio station (sigh) but will work on the show as soon as I get home.  It should happen some time tomorrow afternoon.  I hope that doesn't inconvenience you.  Let's just pretend this week's show will be a little shy, as well.

So! Tomorrow! In the afternoon! Pacific time afternoon!  Self Help Radio dot net!  Don't be too shy to listen!

Preface To Shyness: Two Stories About How Shy I Am

For the purposes of these tales, I suppose I am conflating shyness with introversion.  That may be wrong.  According to this article, "Shyness & introversion are not the same thing. Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, & introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments."  I don't know if I entirely agree - in my life those two things have coincided.

For some reason, I was a very shy kid, but only around strangers.  If I knew someone, I would warm up & even be ridiculously loud.  But certain things terrified me, & one of them in particular was cold-calling someone on the phone.  Especially to do something like order pizza.

My mother worked nights often at a convenience store, & although we were ostensibly watched by my younger sister (six years older than I) (she was still living at home), she was often out with her friends, underage drinking & getting high & what-not.  My mother didn't ask her to cook for us, & in fact we would be often required to fend for ourselves, either to walk to a nearby grocery store (a Minyard's) to get something in a can, or, when a Domino's opened nearby, to call for pizza delivery.

Most kids I would imagine would love to call to order pizza - I'm certain it's something we play-acted doing when we were younger.  But my little brother & I would fight over calling for a pizza - & the loser of the fight would have to call.

At some point, I got exhausted by always having to struggle to get these simple tasks done, so I eventually just learned to be the mouthpiece for the two of us.  I went to the counter, I called whomever, I asked the person who worked wherever where things were.  In a sense, that's what's made me less introverted & what's kept my little brother more or less the same quiet person he was when he was a kid.

But I do remember the first time I had to stand up & speak at a meeting at KVRX.  My legs started to tremble.  I don't really think I've gotten much better.

The second story does more involve introversion than shyness, although I do think my shyness is involved.  I dated for a time a woman who was very outgoing, who loved dinner parties & that sort of thing.  She had other introverts as friends so said she understood when I didn't want to tag along, but she assumed that I also had zero social skills.  When I finally joined her at some gathering, she was shocked to see me be friendly & chatty & otherwise the opposite of miserable.  I told her, "Don't mistake being anti-social because I prefer to be alone with being anti-social because I'm socially awkward."

But thinking about it, my earlier experiences with my little brother - just being so tired about every human interaction needing a fight to precipitate it - & frankly, when I bested him, my little brother was always so bad at those interactions because he was really quite shy - it made me develop some kinds of social skills he probably never did.  As far as I know.

The most obvious time my shyness is in view these days is when I am walking my dogs by myself.  I listen to music & desperate hope I don't have to talk to other dog walkers or strangers or people who want to meet my dogs.  I have what I imagine is an obviously fake smile I give to people which I hope warns them away.  My dogs, however, aren't shy at all.  Assholes.

Today I Rode A Tram Through The City

It's true.  & walked across a bridge.  & ate lemon ice cream.  & drove to a pizza place after it had closed because my wife left her phone there & when she realized it, she did some "Find Your Phone" magic that made the phone tell whoever had it to call me.

We had friends in town from Texas.  That makes four times we've had visitors in the two or so months we've been here.  In Fort Worth, we had visitors the same amount - one friend from Kentucky & two from Austin - & they came for a visit twice.  That's in three years.

By the way, I have family in the D/FW metroplex.  A mother, a sister, three brothers, two sisters-in-law, one brother-in-law, & a slew of nieces, nephews, & three children I think of nieces & nephews.  Of that amazing extended family, only one of them - a nephew - visited us in Fort Worth.  My mother didn't even visit us!

I very much doubt any member of my family will visit us here, but I do imagine other friends will find their way to this lovely city & we'll be here to hang out if they want.  We ate so much food today.  We ate too much food today.

Tomorrow night, another Freeform Portland sub show.  Friday, another Self Help Radio.  Now, sleep.

It Was A Nice Day

This is perhaps a new thing I can say: I volunteered at three different radio stations in a twenty-four hour period.  & I wonder why I am tired all time.

Seriously, I am tired all the time, & I never do anything.  Should I see a professional?

Yes, I attended a meeting at one station on Sunday night at 4pm, I worked for the music library of a different radio station today at 2pm, & went to work on similar stuff for a third station at 4:30pm.  That's a weird kind of achievement, yeah?

It was probably more than all that & I feel like I am finally finding things I can help with here in town.  Whether any of that leads to me getting to do Self Help Radio on a local station is another matter.  But!  I love helping out.

Is there enough time tonight to binge the last season of Orange Is The New Black?  Is that why I'm tired all the time?