Guess I'll have to get used to it!
Here's something I might or might not have said: I'll be doing two radio shows on Monday. That's right, in addition to Self Help Radio I'm going to be subbing a show on XRAY called What I Like. It's super fun & I will in no way be able to capture how good it is when DJ Flash Gordon Quarterback New York Jets is on, so I think I'm going to repurpose an old Self Help Radio.
Something I might also not have mentioned is that I spent all day Sunday working on the first Self Help Radio in Portland & got maybe three hours sleep. Part of that was bad planning. A lot of it is my anxiety keeping me awake. I haven't overslept for a show in years but my brains acts like I will
probably do it if I don't fret about it for hours before I stumble into a fitful, rem-less sleep.
Thinking of sleep, I have fond memories of falling asleep in class. In both high school & college, I feel like I had the most restful naps when, bored stiff, I'd pretend to be taking notes & cover my downcast face with my hand & just doze off. Inevitably the elbow of my right arm would give way & it would wake me. I'd be confused but oh so refreshed.
Now when I am busy listening to music or writing some fake ad or editing an interview, the urge to sleep is strong. I never knew how fucking lazy I was until I started putting more work into this show.
Speaking of: I know it's a Saturday night but I am going to go to sleep now so I can wake up early to work on two shows for Monday. Please don't envy me this rock star lifestyle - I put my pants on one leg at a time like you do. Although now you're making me feel that's the wrong way to do it. Should I be doing it two legs at a time? Three? Four?
See you in the a.m.
Saturday, September 07, 2019
Friday, September 06, 2019
Thursday, September 05, 2019
How'd It Go?
When Self Help Radio was on Fridays, I wrote something on this blog for five days of the week, starting on Mondays. Now Self Help Radio is on Mondays. To write five times a week I need to shift the week ahead, what? Three days? So the first day I write is - well, it's Sunday, but that would be equivalent to the fourth day. Sundays are the new Thursdays. Or has that phraseology passed from use?
In any event. I'll be writing here from Thursday to Monday. On Monday, I'll put the show up after it has aired onto the Self Help Radio website. Monday is the new Friday. At least around here.
But you asked how it went. It went swimmingly. I had a blast. True, it was Labor Day morning & when I drove home - at 8:30 - they were as quiet as they were at 5:30 - maybe just a tad busier - but I suspect this Monday it'll be a different story.
Really, I felt so good after Monday's show, & it got even better. When I returned home, the wife was awake & acting weird. She told me to sit down & wait then went somewhere. I knew it was important because she took the car. She'll drive across town on a bike rather than drive.
When she got back, she brought me from a vegan donut shop around here called Doe Donuts this:
It's six donuts plus one donut hole that spell out the frequency of Freeform Portland plus "SHR" for you-know-what.
Sometimes she makes me feel loved. The "S" up there was a peanut butter & jelly donut. I ate it first. I mentioned just today that I had a peanut butter & jelly donut & he said, "I never knew such a thing existed but now I want it."
It bugs her, but I keep telling my wife: "How're you going to top last week this Monday?"
It's good to be back on the air. I hope I never leave.
In any event. I'll be writing here from Thursday to Monday. On Monday, I'll put the show up after it has aired onto the Self Help Radio website. Monday is the new Friday. At least around here.
But you asked how it went. It went swimmingly. I had a blast. True, it was Labor Day morning & when I drove home - at 8:30 - they were as quiet as they were at 5:30 - maybe just a tad busier - but I suspect this Monday it'll be a different story.
Really, I felt so good after Monday's show, & it got even better. When I returned home, the wife was awake & acting weird. She told me to sit down & wait then went somewhere. I knew it was important because she took the car. She'll drive across town on a bike rather than drive.
When she got back, she brought me from a vegan donut shop around here called Doe Donuts this:
It's six donuts plus one donut hole that spell out the frequency of Freeform Portland plus "SHR" for you-know-what.
Sometimes she makes me feel loved. The "S" up there was a peanut butter & jelly donut. I ate it first. I mentioned just today that I had a peanut butter & jelly donut & he said, "I never knew such a thing existed but now I want it."
It bugs her, but I keep telling my wife: "How're you going to top last week this Monday?"
It's good to be back on the air. I hope I never leave.
Tuesday, September 03, 2019
Self Help Radio 090219: Start Again
(It's not a new start, it's start again - oh never mind. Image from here.)
Hey, that was fun! I was up late Sunday working on the show & had about three hours sleep, but there's always something wonderful about doing Self Help Radio live. The last time I did that was actually not in Lexington, as you might imagine, but when I did two episodes (they were basically live versions of prerecorded shows that aired on WLXU) on KVRX at the end of 2017. That was exhilarating, this felt even better.
How or why I can't explain. Freeform Portland just feels like home. The show as it aired is now at Self Help Radio dot net & you'll need to use a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen. I've divided the show into two parts again, I don't exactly know why, maybe if it'd annoying you can tell me. I think it's because the second hour needs a legal ID & so it's like a natural partition. The troubles with starting all over.
What's on the show is listed below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it!
Self Help Radio Starts Again
"Start Again" Artisans _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Start Again" Tri-State _We Did What We Could Do_
"Start Again (live)" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crystal Days: 1979-1999_
introduction & a little history
"Start Again" Starlings _Valid_
"Start Again" Sounds Like Sunset _Saturdays_
"Lifeboat" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Start Again" Bleeding Rainbow _Interrupt_
"Start Again" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_
interview with podcaster Zach Hightower
"Begin Again" California Snow Story _Close To The Ocean_
"Begin Again" Rocket 3 _Burn_
"Begin Again" Citrus Clouds _Imagination_
"Begin Again" Larry & His Flask _This Remedy_
interview with artist Cornelius Magnusson
"Rip It Up" Orange Juice _The Very Best Of Orange Juice_
"Start All Over Again" Smokey Joe _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll, Vol. 1_
"Starting The Hurt All Over Again" Brenda Holloway _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"I'll Begin Again" Sammy Davis Jr. _Now_
lawyer Bobcat Slone interrupts!
"Can't We Start Again" Les Poissons Solubles _Untitled Split 7" With Snowbirds_
"A New Beginning" Red Letter Day _Red Letter Day_
"A New Beginning" The Sweetest Ache _Rolling Meadows: Songs About Our Past, Vol. 2_
"Brand New Start" The Crookes _Lucky Ones_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"It Started All Over Again" Brenda Lee _I Got A Woman: Gems From The Decca Vaults USA 1960-1961_
"Start Again" Look See Proof _Between Here & There_
"New Day, Fresh Start" Kicker _Our Wild Mercury Years_
"Start Anew" Acid House Kings _Mondays Are Like Tuesdays & Tuesdays Are Like Wednesdays_
conclusion & goodbye
"Starting All Over Again" Mel & Tim _Take Me To The River: A Southern Soul Story 1961-1977_
"Why Not Start All Over Again" The Counts _What's Up Front That Counts_
Sunday, September 01, 2019
Whither Start Again?
(Image from here.)
"Start again"? Wait a second! I have two important questions here!
Okay, fire away.
One: didn't you already do a show about starting?
Yes, that show happened in 2015, & you can see the playlist by clicking here.
I knew it! & two: doesn't it say on your website "a new start"? Isn't that supposed to be the theme?
It does. However, I had completely forgotten I had originally done a "start" show.
Of course you did.
So it seemed wise to avoid what I had originally played by changing the theme to "start again."
How is that different?
You'll see.
See?
You'll hear.
When can I hear it?
Glad you asked! Tomorrow morning from 6-8am!
Where can I hear it?
In Portland at 90.3 + 89.3 fm, & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org.
Why can I hear it?
Because you have ears?
6am tomorrow - hey! That's like a little over half a day away!
Don't remind me!
Friday, August 30, 2019
Self Help Radio 083019: Indiepop A To Z # 60
(Most, if not all, of the images came from Discogs.)
Here it is, the latest indiepop a to z installment (we're at the letter N now). It's also the last pre-recorded Self Help Radio for a time, as Self Help Radio goes live on the air on Monday at 6am on Freeform Portland. It's exciting!
This show is full of twee & jangle & is a delight from start to finish. I can say that, because I was there. You can listen now & whenever at the Self Help Radio web site. Use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp to listen. It's a bit over two hours long & look at the songs I played below!
Enjoy!
Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 60
"Head Over Heels" My Raining Stars _From St. Saviour To Quickwell_
"To Live & Die In The Airport Lounge" My Teenage Stride _Ears Like Golden Bats_
"Sure, Bert" Mystic Chords Of Memory _Mystic Chords Of Memory_
"20.000 Veces" Nadadora _Dinámico Y Estático_
"Heh Someone" Names For Pebbles _Something Cool_
"1000 Tears" Mark Narkowicz _Library Records 1998 - 2003: Disc One, The 7" Single Years, 1998 - 2000_
"Love House" Nautical William _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 4_
"Ghost" Neats _Neats_
"Get Away Sometimes" Neighborhood Dilemma _Shreds, Vol. 2: American Underground '94_
"So Long" Neil Armstrong _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Plastic Sky" Nelories _Mellow Yellow Fellow Nelories_
"Hanging On The Telephone" The Nerves _One Way Ticket_
"Touch Wood" Nervous Curve _You Can't Be Loved Forever, Vol. 3_
"Don't Look" Nervus Rex _Singles: The Great New York Singles Scene_
"Make Believe" Netorare Fan Club _Make Believe_
"Holland, 1945" Neutral Milk Hotel _In The Aeroplane Over The Sea_
"Coconut Shampoo" Neverever _Angelic Swells_
"Turnaround" Neverland _Sometimes_
"Josh Has A Crush On A Femme From Reed" New Bad Things _Freewheel!_
"Age Of Consent" New Order _Power, Corruption & Lies_
"Trash" New York Dolls _New York Dolls_
"ExpoFacto15" New York School Poets _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_
"Come Back To Edinburgh" The Newcolours _Be Serious!_
"The Jangling Man" Martin Newell _The Greatest Living Englishman_
"Holding On My Hand" The Newpolitans _Holding On My Hand/Ducktown 7"_
"An Englishman" Newsflash _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 2_
"Feeling So Real" Next Time Passions _You Make Me Smile_
"Did I Do Wrong?" Nice System _Impractical Guide To The Opposite Sex_
"Hold On" Nightblooms _24 Days At Catastrofe Café_
"Acid In Your Face" The Nightjars _Acid In Your Face_
"Eddie Lopez Lives In Slough" Nine Steps To Ugly _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 5_
"Bring On The Dancing Horses" Ninety Nine _Pretty In Pop_
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 60?
Wow, sixty? Really? & what letter are we on? Finishing M? Starting N?
It's actually really fortuitous that this is the last show before Self Help Radio debuts on Portland radio, because if I had started the show early, I would not be doing an indiepop a to z. I would not have made something like this series my first or second or third show. I would've waited until December.
It just occurred to me that the very last Self Help Radio I did in Texas was an indiepop a to z episode. So it's been four months since then. I've missed a few weeks here & there, haven't I? That will not be an option for me going forward!
Anyway, I do this every four months. Until I die. I suspect the letter N will not take as many shows as the letter M. Just from what I've gathered for tomorrow's show.
& then, omigosh! It's another Self Help Radio in three days!
PS This is the 3,200th post on this blog. I wonder if anyone even reads these? Like, what did I write here six years ago? Shall I look? It's here.
August 29, 2013, was a Thursday, the day before an episode of Self Help Radio, & I was going to be doing Indiepop A To Z # 41. I was moving to Friday nights at ten. I forget why. No one really listened then. I think I worked better in the mornings. & guess what? I'm going back there Monday!
It's actually really fortuitous that this is the last show before Self Help Radio debuts on Portland radio, because if I had started the show early, I would not be doing an indiepop a to z. I would not have made something like this series my first or second or third show. I would've waited until December.
It just occurred to me that the very last Self Help Radio I did in Texas was an indiepop a to z episode. So it's been four months since then. I've missed a few weeks here & there, haven't I? That will not be an option for me going forward!
Anyway, I do this every four months. Until I die. I suspect the letter N will not take as many shows as the letter M. Just from what I've gathered for tomorrow's show.
& then, omigosh! It's another Self Help Radio in three days!
PS This is the 3,200th post on this blog. I wonder if anyone even reads these? Like, what did I write here six years ago? Shall I look? It's here.
August 29, 2013, was a Thursday, the day before an episode of Self Help Radio, & I was going to be doing Indiepop A To Z # 41. I was moving to Friday nights at ten. I forget why. No one really listened then. I think I worked better in the mornings. & guess what? I'm going back there Monday!
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
Preface To This Week's Show: The Power Of No
There's something about me that you may not know: I'm a coward.
It was probably instilled in me - if it isn't something deep in my DNA - by my mother, the architect of much of what I am. She made me afraid of being hurt, which probably led to my fear of confrontation (which often leads to physical violence), which resulted in me being basically afraid of, you know, anything that might lead me to being beaten up, attacked, whatever.
That's not necessarily a bad thing - who wants to be a punching bag? But of course we as a culture admire the person that stands up & fights back. That's really not me.
The thing is, I often encounter folks who assert things - & usually they're in positions of authority - which I know are wrong. I will say to these people, "I don't think that's true." They will double down on their assertions. Tonight I came across that. I asked if there were evidence of the assertion, which was this: "It's been my experience in every place this came up."
If it seems I'm being vague, just understand it has to do with noncommercial radio & be thankful you're not bored by the details.
This has happened to me a lot recently. I am so tentative in my slight incursions into the different radio environments here in Portland that I make a simple suggestion & I recoil when met with a definitive no. The thing is - I am giving the power to that no. Most people will confidently say things as if speaking for an entire without really knowing what that group thinks. & I keep coming across that, again & again.
Do you know, I first became involved in radio about twenty-five years ago this month? It's true! & for that entire time I wish I could've just been this guy who did a show, didn't get too involved, helped out when he could, was a team player. But it's not me. I wanted to somehow make it easier for more people to get involved, for the station itself to thrive, for everyone to have the same experience I did.
This led to some problems but I think it's been more positive than not.
The reason to mention this is that I was at a meeting tonight where I was confronted with more "no" than "yes." I have decided I won't let this stop me anymore. I'm going to carefully ignore the "no" & focus on the "yes."
Might it be too early to do so? Probably. Will it be difficult? Oh sure.
Is it absolutely necessary for me? Oh yes.
It was probably instilled in me - if it isn't something deep in my DNA - by my mother, the architect of much of what I am. She made me afraid of being hurt, which probably led to my fear of confrontation (which often leads to physical violence), which resulted in me being basically afraid of, you know, anything that might lead me to being beaten up, attacked, whatever.
That's not necessarily a bad thing - who wants to be a punching bag? But of course we as a culture admire the person that stands up & fights back. That's really not me.
The thing is, I often encounter folks who assert things - & usually they're in positions of authority - which I know are wrong. I will say to these people, "I don't think that's true." They will double down on their assertions. Tonight I came across that. I asked if there were evidence of the assertion, which was this: "It's been my experience in every place this came up."
If it seems I'm being vague, just understand it has to do with noncommercial radio & be thankful you're not bored by the details.
This has happened to me a lot recently. I am so tentative in my slight incursions into the different radio environments here in Portland that I make a simple suggestion & I recoil when met with a definitive no. The thing is - I am giving the power to that no. Most people will confidently say things as if speaking for an entire without really knowing what that group thinks. & I keep coming across that, again & again.
Do you know, I first became involved in radio about twenty-five years ago this month? It's true! & for that entire time I wish I could've just been this guy who did a show, didn't get too involved, helped out when he could, was a team player. But it's not me. I wanted to somehow make it easier for more people to get involved, for the station itself to thrive, for everyone to have the same experience I did.
This led to some problems but I think it's been more positive than not.
The reason to mention this is that I was at a meeting tonight where I was confronted with more "no" than "yes." I have decided I won't let this stop me anymore. I'm going to carefully ignore the "no" & focus on the "yes."
Might it be too early to do so? Probably. Will it be difficult? Oh sure.
Is it absolutely necessary for me? Oh yes.
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Griefitti
The other day I saw some graffiti on a doorway while driving home. There's lots of graffiti here in Portland. Most of it is just tags, you know, as it says in the Urban Dictionary, "a personal signature, usually vandalism with spraypaint, but can be any graffiti." I don't have any real opinion about the legality of graffiti, perhaps because I don't really believe in personal property; or rather, I feel there's tremendous truth in the anarchist slogan "property is theft." I of course judge it according to whether I like it. From my point of view, as someone with mostly nothing, I find the ways people deal with graffiti fascinating, & of course I find beautiful graffiti stunning.
Anyway, I saw this tag which was simply someone's name, mostly recognizable, written over & over, like a child might do in a workbook learning cursive, only, you know, this was on a doorway. & the name was the same of the name of a friend, so I took a picture (I was waiting at a light, & wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been - the doorway was sunken into the wall of the side of a building) & sent it to him. I asked, "Is this your tag? It seems sad."
I continued, "Not sad in execution, sad in feeling it is meant to convey." I guess I didn't want to offend him.
He hadn't responded, so I just wrote, "Sad tagger."
& then, "Griefitti."
This friend usually hates puns, says they're the lowest form of humor, but he acknowledged it was a nice word I had (possibly?) coined.
Last night a friend from an old radio station wrote to me about how he wasn't dealing very well with David Berman's death. I wrote what powerless words of consolation I could. As we get older, we carry more & more death behind us.
I should've encouraged him to get some spraypaint & work on his tag. He's an artist of sorts, I'm sure he'd make a good one (if he hasn't already). Mine would be simple & pretty sad in execution. Also, I'd get caught right away, possibly because I'd do something dumb like tag someplace nearby & write my name in very simple script.
& it would be my own name. Recently, in getting involved at Freeform Portland, I was asked what my "deejay name" was. I've never had a deejay name. I've always been just Gary. Now, of course, I'm referred to as "DJ Gary" in emails.
This began somewhere & ended somewhere else. Such is my mind these days.
Anyway, I saw this tag which was simply someone's name, mostly recognizable, written over & over, like a child might do in a workbook learning cursive, only, you know, this was on a doorway. & the name was the same of the name of a friend, so I took a picture (I was waiting at a light, & wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been - the doorway was sunken into the wall of the side of a building) & sent it to him. I asked, "Is this your tag? It seems sad."
I continued, "Not sad in execution, sad in feeling it is meant to convey." I guess I didn't want to offend him.
He hadn't responded, so I just wrote, "Sad tagger."
& then, "Griefitti."
This friend usually hates puns, says they're the lowest form of humor, but he acknowledged it was a nice word I had (possibly?) coined.
Last night a friend from an old radio station wrote to me about how he wasn't dealing very well with David Berman's death. I wrote what powerless words of consolation I could. As we get older, we carry more & more death behind us.
I should've encouraged him to get some spraypaint & work on his tag. He's an artist of sorts, I'm sure he'd make a good one (if he hasn't already). Mine would be simple & pretty sad in execution. Also, I'd get caught right away, possibly because I'd do something dumb like tag someplace nearby & write my name in very simple script.
& it would be my own name. Recently, in getting involved at Freeform Portland, I was asked what my "deejay name" was. I've never had a deejay name. I've always been just Gary. Now, of course, I'm referred to as "DJ Gary" in emails.
This began somewhere & ended somewhere else. Such is my mind these days.
Monday, August 26, 2019
In One Week
In one week, Self Help Radio makes its Portland debut. I'm sure you've heard. It's weird, it seems so far away & yet I know it's simply seven (really six) days away.
Listen: time has been weird to me here. We arrived here about three & a half months ago but I could swear I've lived here longer. In a way, I long for the continual gloom & rain I have heard so much about, the summer has been mostly dry, & bright, & clement.
Am I doing anything special for the show? Sort of, but not really. I actually haven't even started working on it, since I have the Indiepop A To Z show to do this week. That is probably a bad sign.
There is one thing I will not miss: recording my own airbreaks. Oh jumpin' jeebus on a jet place that takes so much time. I prefer to do them live & by gum I will be doing them live. I think it might also let me focus on the music more, since I'll have time to do so - a lot of my calculus about putting together a podcast naturally takes into account the time to record & edit. But no more!
This is all a bit too navel-gazey for me but I did look up from my life tonight & realize next Monday will be something different for me. As my dad used to say to me: Don't fuck it up, boy!
He had a way with words.
Listen: time has been weird to me here. We arrived here about three & a half months ago but I could swear I've lived here longer. In a way, I long for the continual gloom & rain I have heard so much about, the summer has been mostly dry, & bright, & clement.
Am I doing anything special for the show? Sort of, but not really. I actually haven't even started working on it, since I have the Indiepop A To Z show to do this week. That is probably a bad sign.
There is one thing I will not miss: recording my own airbreaks. Oh jumpin' jeebus on a jet place that takes so much time. I prefer to do them live & by gum I will be doing them live. I think it might also let me focus on the music more, since I'll have time to do so - a lot of my calculus about putting together a podcast naturally takes into account the time to record & edit. But no more!
This is all a bit too navel-gazey for me but I did look up from my life tonight & realize next Monday will be something different for me. As my dad used to say to me: Don't fuck it up, boy!
He had a way with words.
Friday, August 23, 2019
Self Help Radio 082319: There's No Self Help Radio 082319
However, should you really need to hear me play songs for a theme, you can do so anyway, as before I got too ill, I took lots of cold medicine & did my first sub show on xray.fm. It was National Radio Day & the theme was, well, radio. You can find the show at the Self Help Radio website or just go to the XRAY page which is here. What I played is below.
Again, apologies for not forging through the sickness. See you in a week!
Self Help Radio Radio Show
"Corporate Standardized Programming" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Roadrunner" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
"Rock & Roll" The Velvet Underground _Loaded_
"Having A Party" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio?" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Raised On Radio" Slimer _In Their Eyes: '90s Teen Bands Vs. '80s Teen Movies_
"Around The Dial" The Kinks _Give The People What They Want_
"Caroline's Radio" Bubblegum Lemonade _Sophomore Release_
"Radio, Radio (Capital Radio Version)" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"FM" The Mountain Goats _Sweden_
"Summer Pop Radio" Helen Love _Radio Hits Vol. 1_
"Oh Yeah" Roxy Music _Flesh + Blood_
"Video Killed The Radio Star" Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club _English Garden_
"Transmission" Joy Division _Substance 1977-1980_
"This Is Radio Clash" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_
"Turn Off Your Radio" The Essentials _Fast Music In A Slow Town EP_
"Left Of The Dial" The Replacements _Tim_
"Mexican Radio" El Vez _Graciasland_
"My Radio (AM Mix)" Stars _Nightsongs_
"Radio" Felix Da Housecat _Virgo, Blaktro, & The Movie Disco_
"Heard It On The Radio" The Bird & The Bee _Interpreting The Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall & John Oates_
"Yesterday Once More" Redd Kross _If I Were A Carpenter_
"DJ" David Bowie _Lodger_
"Caravan" Van Morrison _Moondance_
"Radio" Hackamore Brick _One Kiss Leads To Another_
"On The Radio" Tom Selleck's Moustache _Heartbreak 101_
"Radio" Teenage Fanclub _Thirteen_
"On The Radio" Mind Spiders _Meltdown_
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Yeah, This Week Wouldn't Have Worked
This morning I ventured outside for the first time in over a day to walk the dogs. I got a little woozy but made it through. My voice sounds like me making fun of Ned Dry.
Here's the thing: my wife had this all last week, & she went to work & taught people. I need to go conduct a training session at Freeform Portland tonight & I don't know if I'm going to be able to make the drive.
Last week's Last Week Tonight talked about bias in medicine, & although I don't recall if they covered this - but I have always assumed that when it comes to pain, woman are just stronger than men. It might just be me, but I am waylaid by the smallest discomfort.
& when I feel a cold coming on, I know the best thing to do is take some medication & try to sleep it off. Except this week I really, really wanted to do a show on XRAY. & I really, really wanted to do training. So I settled for scuttling Self Help Radio & spending Wednesday in a haze.
It's all for the best - my show is shabby enough as it is. I need to go try not to infect new deejays as I train them & then I hope to sleep twelve hours tonight.
Here's the thing: my wife had this all last week, & she went to work & taught people. I need to go conduct a training session at Freeform Portland tonight & I don't know if I'm going to be able to make the drive.
Last week's Last Week Tonight talked about bias in medicine, & although I don't recall if they covered this - but I have always assumed that when it comes to pain, woman are just stronger than men. It might just be me, but I am waylaid by the smallest discomfort.
& when I feel a cold coming on, I know the best thing to do is take some medication & try to sleep it off. Except this week I really, really wanted to do a show on XRAY. & I really, really wanted to do training. So I settled for scuttling Self Help Radio & spending Wednesday in a haze.
It's all for the best - my show is shabby enough as it is. I need to go try not to infect new deejays as I train them & then I hope to sleep twelve hours tonight.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Still Quite Ill & In No Way Presentable
The neighbors are having a neighborhood gathering (well, it's basically just four houses) & have invited us over. The wife is at work & I have been dozing in bed, decongestants in my system, my weird dreams nowhere near as interesting as they were last night when I had a fever.
This occurred to me sometime this morning: it's interesting that we don't do things to induce fevers because the thoughts & hallucinations I have when my temperature is up seem as provocative & strange as the least of my experiences with psychedelics, so many moons ago. In that sense, I kind of anticipate fevers in a hungry way, although of course I know they're much, much more dangerous than acid or mushrooms. & oh look, I've answered my own question.
There was no way I could sit in front of the computer today so I guess I'm going to cancel this week's show. It's for the best - I can spend more time on my first on-air show in forever (!) & also on my last podcast, which is the indiepop a to z series.
Gosh, I need to go back to sleep right now.
This occurred to me sometime this morning: it's interesting that we don't do things to induce fevers because the thoughts & hallucinations I have when my temperature is up seem as provocative & strange as the least of my experiences with psychedelics, so many moons ago. In that sense, I kind of anticipate fevers in a hungry way, although of course I know they're much, much more dangerous than acid or mushrooms. & oh look, I've answered my own question.
There was no way I could sit in front of the computer today so I guess I'm going to cancel this week's show. It's for the best - I can spend more time on my first on-air show in forever (!) & also on my last podcast, which is the indiepop a to z series.
Gosh, I need to go back to sleep right now.
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Sick As A Dog
Filled up with meds & sucked cough drops so I was able to do the XRAY fm show, but am now in the full throes of a cold. Will hopefully sleep all day tomorrow & maybe won't be able to do this week's show. But I'll post the show I did today - a Self Help Radio-type show I never did, a show about the radio, since it was National Radio Day. Now. I think I have a fever. I will get ready for chills & that weirdly beautiful moment when the fever breaks. Good night.
Monday, August 19, 2019
It Figures
Tomorrow I have my first show on XRAY FM & today I woke up with a sore throat.
This doesn't mean I won't do the show, but it does mean I spent most of the day sucking cough drops & feeling like something worse was just around the corner. So far, so good.
The wife had a sore throat last week & I refused to stop kissing her. Today she blamed my sickness on the fact that she eats from the serving spoons when she's making our dinner plates. This may need some explanation:
The one who cooks around here is me. When everything is ready, the wife takes over & "makes our plates," which means she puts the food I've prepared on plates (& in tupperware for the leftovers). She does this ostensibly because she wants to control our portion sizes & because she makes it look prettier than I could but her ulterior motive is to eat more of the food when she's putting it onto the plates. For example, if I've made some kind of sandwich spread, she'll put it on the bread but take bites in-between.
It may surprise you that I know all this & haven't put a stop to it, but it makes her happy. We always make too much food. "The art of cooking for two is lost on me & you," as the poet says.
What I find amusing is that she thinks this particular thing is what has caused me to get something close to the same illness she had. Not, you know, the kissing, or the fact that we live together & spend as much of the day as we can together. Nope! It's her "cheating" when she is putting our dinner together.
Okay, going to sleep early tonight. Did you know tomorrow is National Radio Day? What a fortuitous time for me to do my first XRAY show!
This doesn't mean I won't do the show, but it does mean I spent most of the day sucking cough drops & feeling like something worse was just around the corner. So far, so good.
The wife had a sore throat last week & I refused to stop kissing her. Today she blamed my sickness on the fact that she eats from the serving spoons when she's making our dinner plates. This may need some explanation:
The one who cooks around here is me. When everything is ready, the wife takes over & "makes our plates," which means she puts the food I've prepared on plates (& in tupperware for the leftovers). She does this ostensibly because she wants to control our portion sizes & because she makes it look prettier than I could but her ulterior motive is to eat more of the food when she's putting it onto the plates. For example, if I've made some kind of sandwich spread, she'll put it on the bread but take bites in-between.
It may surprise you that I know all this & haven't put a stop to it, but it makes her happy. We always make too much food. "The art of cooking for two is lost on me & you," as the poet says.
What I find amusing is that she thinks this particular thing is what has caused me to get something close to the same illness she had. Not, you know, the kissing, or the fact that we live together & spend as much of the day as we can together. Nope! It's her "cheating" when she is putting our dinner together.
Okay, going to sleep early tonight. Did you know tomorrow is National Radio Day? What a fortuitous time for me to do my first XRAY show!
Friday, August 16, 2019
Self Help Radio 081619: Floating
(Image from here.)
It's at times like this, when the show is done & I'm wondering what I could've done to make it better, that I think about Muhammad Ali's maxim, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." I wouldn't mind floating like a butterfly - they seem to be susceptible to the slightest of breezes - but of course when a honeybee stings you, she dies. That seems not only unfair, but inappropriate. Might I just float like a butterfly, & enjoy honey like a bee? I'll bet eating while you're floating is fun.
Would you go up on one of those planes which gets just so high that you experience weightlessness? Or would you go into space, just to float a bit? I might. Or I might just take the rest of the afternoon, fill a tub up with water, & float until it gets too cold, or too lukewarm anyway.
The show is done, though, so please, float over to it & have a listen. It's mostly intangible but you can find it at the Self Help Radio website. There'll be a username & password there, those are SHR & selfhelp. The show has lots of music plus some ridiculous interviews which you can find out about by looking below.
Just don't float away. If you can in fact float. Which you probably can.
Self Help Radio Floating Show
"Floating" The Moody Blues _To Our Children's Children's Children_
"Floating (SSRU Demo)" Section 25 _Illuminus Illumina_
"Floating" Julee Cruse _Floating Into The Night_
introduction & definitions
"The Float" Hank Ballard & The Midnighters _All 20 Of Their Chart Hits 1953-1962_
"Float" Palindromes _Muy Muy Pop Yum Yum_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part I" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"We Are Floating" Archie Bronson Outfit _Wild Crush_
"Does It Float" Dinosaur Jr _Dinosaur_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space" Spiritualized _Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space_
"California Floating In Space" Call & Response _Call & Response_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part II" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floated In" Frankie Cosmos _Next Thing_
"Floaty" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_
phone call from Mary Poppins' daughter
"Floating In A Vacuum" Plastic Mermaids _Suddenly Everyone Explodes_
"Floating In The Forth" Frightened Rabbit _The Midnight Organ Fight_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part III" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floating In Space" The Apples In Stereo _Travellers In Space & Time_
"Floating By" The Red Button _She's About To Cross My Mind_
interview with poet Phineas Johnston
"Dead Man's Float" Sage Francis _Copper Gone_
"She Floated Away" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part IV" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Float My Bed" Lorelei _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Float To The Top" Madder Rose _Tragic Magic_
conclusion & goodbye
"Floating" Xerox Feinberg _12 Big Hits (Of 1985)_
"We Float" PJ Harvey _Stories From The City Stories From The Sea_
"Floating Dream" The Peanut Butter Conspiracy _Spreading From The Ashes_
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Whither Floating?
(This image from a terrifying article called Why Do Corpses Float?)
Just imagine this: you're floating. It could be in warm water, it could be in the clouds. You aren't expending any energy at all, you've given yourself up to whatever forces of nature will keep you afloat. You feel lighter than air, you could be a leaf suspended in a gentle wind, or part of the very clouds in which you float. That's a nice thing to imagine, right? Calming, even relaxing. It might even make you a little drowsy, the experience so pleasurable you imagine it would be nice to doze off in such a state.
That would be a mistake. The safety you feel while floating is an illusion. Suddenly you're taken under the water! Or you begin to fall! Gravity is again the master! You cannot escape its ruthless hold no matter how hard you try. You can struggle but there's a part of you that knows you're utterly doomed, your foolishness in believing you could float forever leading you to a painful, untimely end.
That feeling there, that sense that you made a horrible mistake & won't be able to correct it no matter how hard you try? That's the normal emotional reaction to Self Help Radio, which this week will be about floating. If you're strong enough to ignore that feeling, you probably also text & drive. In which case, please listen!
It'll happen Friday at noon at Self Help Radio dot net. It will not, alas, float in the air on radio waves - that's still a couple of weeks away. But perhaps you'll welcome the sound waves floating into you as you listen, & as always standard disclaimers apply.
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
Preface To Floating: Recurring Dreams
Believe it or not, I used to have a recurring dream where I was floating.
This dream would usually happen at the apartment complex I lived in from the ages of around ten to fourteen. They were called Villa Cordoba & I've written about them on this blog before, namely here & here. I hadn't really thought about it before, but perhaps one of the reasons I dreamt about floating there is that I had actually seen the apartment complex from up high, as I often climbed trees which grew higher than the complex.
The apartments were in a square configuration, with the front doors looking out on all four sides, & each unit having a back patio. The patio walls were solid, they looked like stucco but were perhaps made of concrete or even stone, I'm not sure. You could clamber up onto the walls of the patios & jump onto trees in the complex, all of which grew inside (in the middle of the complex was a pool & a few apartments whose patios were in the front of the unit, outside the front door). I wish I could remember what kind of trees they were, but they grew taller than the second story, as I said, & I could even see over the apartments to the middle school to the northeast & the back of the shopping center to the southeast.
In my dreams, I'm not flying, I'm floating. Hovering, really. There's no indication how I got up there, & friends & family below me - I'm floating higher than the apartments - don't seem at all impressed that I'm up there. I recall that I have to strain to hear what they're talking about, & to yell to get their attention. At some point in the dream, either someone asks me or I become concerned about the prospect of getting down. I'm over two stories up & not really moving, just floating there. The rest of the dream is all about how I get back to the ground - sometimes scarily, I just lose the ability to float; sometimes cleverly, I manage to get to a tree or a window; & sometimes skillfully, I figure out how to slowly descend. In no cases do I actually hurt myself - I would usually wake up before that happened.
But I did write that I used to have this dream. I haven't had it in years. Probably not since my twenties, which is more than half my life ago. But I had them enough to remember them vividly. & like everything else I no longer experience, I realize now I miss them terribly.
This dream would usually happen at the apartment complex I lived in from the ages of around ten to fourteen. They were called Villa Cordoba & I've written about them on this blog before, namely here & here. I hadn't really thought about it before, but perhaps one of the reasons I dreamt about floating there is that I had actually seen the apartment complex from up high, as I often climbed trees which grew higher than the complex.
The apartments were in a square configuration, with the front doors looking out on all four sides, & each unit having a back patio. The patio walls were solid, they looked like stucco but were perhaps made of concrete or even stone, I'm not sure. You could clamber up onto the walls of the patios & jump onto trees in the complex, all of which grew inside (in the middle of the complex was a pool & a few apartments whose patios were in the front of the unit, outside the front door). I wish I could remember what kind of trees they were, but they grew taller than the second story, as I said, & I could even see over the apartments to the middle school to the northeast & the back of the shopping center to the southeast.
In my dreams, I'm not flying, I'm floating. Hovering, really. There's no indication how I got up there, & friends & family below me - I'm floating higher than the apartments - don't seem at all impressed that I'm up there. I recall that I have to strain to hear what they're talking about, & to yell to get their attention. At some point in the dream, either someone asks me or I become concerned about the prospect of getting down. I'm over two stories up & not really moving, just floating there. The rest of the dream is all about how I get back to the ground - sometimes scarily, I just lose the ability to float; sometimes cleverly, I manage to get to a tree or a window; & sometimes skillfully, I figure out how to slowly descend. In no cases do I actually hurt myself - I would usually wake up before that happened.
But I did write that I used to have this dream. I haven't had it in years. Probably not since my twenties, which is more than half my life ago. But I had them enough to remember them vividly. & like everything else I no longer experience, I realize now I miss them terribly.
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
In Case You're Keeping Score
Today I was trained at a third Portland radio station. It went well, I think I could navigate the set-up, & I thanked the person who took the time to train me, & as I was driving home, I got a text:
Can you sub next Tuesday from 2-4pm?
My response was:
Wow! Sure!
(Not that I texted while I was driving! No, I waited till I was stopped. So I was texting while I was idling.)
That means that - if we arrived roughly three months ago - by this time next week I will have been trained at & deejayed at three different radio stations. That's a personal record for me.
& almost certainly something Portland will soon be sick of.
Can you sub next Tuesday from 2-4pm?
My response was:
Wow! Sure!
(Not that I texted while I was driving! No, I waited till I was stopped. So I was texting while I was idling.)
That means that - if we arrived roughly three months ago - by this time next week I will have been trained at & deejayed at three different radio stations. That's a personal record for me.
& almost certainly something Portland will soon be sick of.
Monday, August 12, 2019
T-Minus Three Weeks & Hey What Does T-Minus Even Mean?
It says here, "In a NASA countdown to a rocket launch, 'T-minus' translates to 'Time minus'; the T stands for the exact time at which the rocket is scheduled to be launched. In more technical terms, the T in T-minus is a designator for the main sequence countdown time that serves as the synchronization device for most of the equipment & procedures that must be completed before, during, & after the launch."
It appears I was wrong above. I am writing this close to nine pm on Monday, August 12. Self Help Radio's debut on Portland radio is at 6am Monday, September 2. Which means it would be more proper to say "T-minus twenty days & fifteen hours." Anything more specific would be weird, since I sometimes start writing these things, get distracted, & return much later. But "T-Minus three weeks" is definitely incorrect.
It's weird to think that Self Help Radio will be back on the air. I am trying to think of something special to do but to be honest it's best to be as normal as possible. The theme will be "a new start" but nothing will be terribly new about the show. Except I'll be doing it live! That's so exciting!
This week I wasn't able to snag any sub shows so it'll be a week without me irritating Portland radio. Myself, I spent the day listening to songs about floating. There are lots of electronica tunes about floating. It's a theme that lends itself to pretty electronica. Should I do an all-instrumental show one day? I probably have before, but I don't know if I should try it again especially when I'm about to be introduced to the Portland airwaves.
These are things I think about all the damn time. Sometimes instead of doing something.
One last thing: I just watched a film about a person who was in an awful relationship with a junkie & at the end (no spoilers, I won't tell you the film), the junkie died - ODed - & I thought, "That's the happiest ending, isn't it? The junkie dies." This is despite me knowing a couple of people who would self-describe as junkies who managed to kick it & not destroy themselves. Maybe I should rethink my own attitudes about people with addiction.
Anyway. T-minus what? I can't be expected to keep up with this!
It appears I was wrong above. I am writing this close to nine pm on Monday, August 12. Self Help Radio's debut on Portland radio is at 6am Monday, September 2. Which means it would be more proper to say "T-minus twenty days & fifteen hours." Anything more specific would be weird, since I sometimes start writing these things, get distracted, & return much later. But "T-Minus three weeks" is definitely incorrect.
It's weird to think that Self Help Radio will be back on the air. I am trying to think of something special to do but to be honest it's best to be as normal as possible. The theme will be "a new start" but nothing will be terribly new about the show. Except I'll be doing it live! That's so exciting!
This week I wasn't able to snag any sub shows so it'll be a week without me irritating Portland radio. Myself, I spent the day listening to songs about floating. There are lots of electronica tunes about floating. It's a theme that lends itself to pretty electronica. Should I do an all-instrumental show one day? I probably have before, but I don't know if I should try it again especially when I'm about to be introduced to the Portland airwaves.
These are things I think about all the damn time. Sometimes instead of doing something.
One last thing: I just watched a film about a person who was in an awful relationship with a junkie & at the end (no spoilers, I won't tell you the film), the junkie died - ODed - & I thought, "That's the happiest ending, isn't it? The junkie dies." This is despite me knowing a couple of people who would self-describe as junkies who managed to kick it & not destroy themselves. Maybe I should rethink my own attitudes about people with addiction.
Anyway. T-minus what? I can't be expected to keep up with this!