Saturday, February 04, 2023

Bluto Update

The kitten we adopted three weeks ago today, whom we named Bluto, has been a bright spot in our lives. He is incredibly good-natured, not in the least aggressive, & the one amazing trait he had when we met - he begins the purr the minute he's touched - has not disappeared. In addition, he's getting along very well with our old orange tomcat Boone. Like so:


The one weird thing is that he doesn't seem to know his name. I don't recall that being such an issue with other cats we've had. But it's only been three weeks - it may be that just because he's fit in so well - so effortlessly - that this one thing seems to be a problem. Or maybe he doesn't like the name?

Friday, February 03, 2023

The Adventures Of Mr. Greedy

(No, not this Mr. Greedy! Image from here.)

Oh wow I had the excellent good fortune to have on this week some great Portland improv artists who responded to ridiculous suggestions I made about a "beloved radio serial" called The Adventures Of Mr Greedy.  They were sprinkled throughout the show but I thought I'd make them available here so you don't have the listen to the whole thing if you don't wanna.  They are linked below.

Episode 9: Mr. Greedy Has A Garage Sale
Episode 15: Mr. Greedy Goes To The Pharmacy
Episode 22: Mr. Greedy Goes On A Blind Date
Episode 43: Mr. Greedy Takes A Cab
Episode 51: Mr. Greedy Waits In Line
Episode 74: Mr. Greedy Gets Ready For Bed

Much thanks to Jeanne, Kevin, & Nora!

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Self Help Radio 013123: Greed

(The original Bruegel print is here.)

One thing you should know about Self Help Radio's show about greed is that I never sampled that speech Michael Douglas' character gives in Wall Street. I meant to, I just never got around to it.

What I spent my time doing is editing several episodes of "Mr. Greedy," performed by members of a local improv group called The Grandpas. I don't know if that's a one-off name or that they'll continue to perform under that moniker, but they improvised different moments in Mr. Greedy's life. These are sprinkled throughout the show. I quite enjoyed their work.

Hardly anyone listens to or knows anything about Self Help Radio but it's nice that no-one involved - it's not just me! - is at all that greedy. I appreciate that. It makes a show about greed, a nasty emotion if there ever was one, much more fun & palatable than it ought to be.

Anyway, if you're one of those folks who may listen - & it's a tiny number - you can do so at both the KBOO website & at the Self Help Radio website. For the Self Help Radio website, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). You can download the show!

Most everything that happens is below.

Self Help Radio Greed Show
"Greed" The Palace Guard _The Palace Guard_
"Greed" The Safes _Sight Of All Light_
"Greed" Stealing Sheep _Not Real_

introduction & definitions

"Politics Of Greed & Gain" Billy Childish & The Black Hands _The Original Chatham Jack_
"Greed Machine" La Luz _Floating Features_
"Love Without Greed" Graham Parker & The Rumour _The Up Escalator_
"Mr Greed" Barry Adamson _Know Where To Run_
"Greed Kills More People Than Whiskey" Tom T. Hall _Ol' T's In Town_

interview with Bunny Cavendish, daughter of the greediest man in America

"I'm A Greedy Man (Parts 1)" James Brown _Star Time_
"Greedy For Your Love" Donny Gerrard _Donny Gerrard_
"Give It To The Needy, Not The Greedy" The Nights _The Nights_
"Greedy For Your Love" The Checkmates Ltd _We Got The Moves_
"Don't Be Greedy" Cristina _Cristina_

interview with ethicist Dr. Dick Bentley

"So Greedy" 999 _Concrete_
"Designer Greed" The Rosehips _The Rosehips_
"We're Selfish & Lazy & Greedy" Go-Kart Mozart _Instant Wigwam & Igloo Mixture_
"The Greedy Ugly People" Hefner _We Love The City_
"Greedy Girls" The Move _Rappers Delight_

interview with writer of "The Gospel Of Greed" George Merrill

"Greed Is Good" Papa Brittle _Obey Consume Marry Reproduce_
"That Greedy Beat" Coldcut _Beats + Pieces_
"Selfish Greedy Life" Pinch & Shackleton _Pinch & Shackleton_
"Greedy People" The Electric Hippies _The Electric Hippies_
"Youth & Greed" Wolfsheim _55578_

Gary confesses a deeply personal moment of greed Ned Dry interrupts

"Greedy Gal" Derrick Morgan _Moon Hop: Best Of The Early Years 1960-69_
"Greedy Man" The Cimarons _On De Rock Part 2_
"You Too Greedy" Frankie Paul _Tidal Wave_
"Greedy Dog" Israel Vibration _Strength Of My Life_
"Greedy Little Deggie" U-Roy _Rebel In Styylle_

an explanation of the two Lewis Black bits with the same title that follow

"Greed" Lewis Black _Rules Of Enragement_
"Greed" Lewis Black _Stark Raving Black_

conclusion & goodbye

"Sanamba (The Greedy Hyena)" Moussa Diallo _Chiwara_
"Greedhead Detector" Julian Cope _20 Mothers_
"Love & Greed" Magneta Lane _Gambling With God_
"Greedy Stars" The Room In The Wood _The Room In The Wood_

Monday, January 30, 2023

Whither Greed?

(image from here.)

Sometimes, after long talks, I take some time to think about what was talked about. A common themes in recent conversations has been about family, & how one stays connected, & whose responsibility it is to maintain the relationship, & is it truly worth it if it's one-sided. I'm sure people talk about this all the time in different contexts than family. In any event, one of these conversations was about someone who seemed to only be interested in staying in touch if it somehow benefitted them in terms of things - gifts for holidays, birthdays, for the children, etc. In any other situation, this person didn't seem interested - as if there were no reason save for material ones to be close to another.

In short, this person was described to me as "greedy." & being me, & always thinking about radio shows, I wondered, "Are there enough songs about greed to make a radio show?" The answer is yes - an easier answer to the question posed above about keeping such relationships alive.

You can hear all about greed tonight on Self Help Radio from midnight to 3am Portland time on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo.fm. & don't be greedy - there's plenty of radio for everyone.

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Preface To Greed: Hardly Ever Been Greedy

(Here's a picture of Greedo, from here.)

It may be self-serving to say I've never been greedy. I even was going to title this post "never been greedy." Then I remembered: I was a kid once.

In fact, as hard as it is to believe, I was a kid for the better part of the first few years of my life. I was a kid in a poor family, a family in which we didn't always have a well-stocked cupboard. Food was consumed as soon as it came into the house. So I suspect I could be quite greedy then.

In that sense I guess there was competition for food, but I don't recall many fights about it, which is funny, because my little brother & I rarely needed anything to fight about - we just fought.

It seems to me now like jealousy played a greater role in my childhood than greed did, & I wondered what the relationship between jealousy & greed was, so I did the search engine thing, & found on this web page these meanings:

Envy: Desiring what someone else has.
Greed: Desire something by itself.
Jealousy: Fear of losing something already in possession, involving a third party.

Not the most elegant of definitions, but it seems true enough. I can't remember a time when I came home & my brother was greedily eating a pizza by himself & I was jealous about it. But I would've been greedy too! 

Now I'm almost a senior citizen - when does that start, anyway?  The internets says 62.  I'm seven years away!  Holy shit!  Where was I.

Now I'm intolerably aged, I don't feel I am greedy about much. So why do a show about greed? Is it about Greedo? You dumb Star Wars nerd, are you doing a show because of Greedo? No, no. I'll tell you why tomorrow.

Saturday, January 28, 2023

Tom Verlaine

(image from here)

It's been hard processing Tom Verlaine's death today. Mainly I have been listening to his music & thinking about how fucking great he was & how much I loved it & how much it influenced so many bands & artists I love.  In fact, I wrote this on Facebook about reading one such artist:

I played some Television & Tom Verlaine songs to Magda this afternoon while processing the loss of that incredible artist. She remarked that at least one song reminded her of the Go-Betweens. I am not surprised to find Robert Forster writing this on his Facebook page just now:

I have woken up to the news of the passing of virtuoso guitarist & singer-songwriter Tom Verlaine. Absorbing that as best as I could, I made my muesli & a strong coffee & sit here typing, a little stunned, not knowing what to write, but knowing what Verlaine meant to me. An elder brother, someone in the mid-to-late Seventies who opened up doors for me. An enormously inspirational figure to Grant & I with his New York band Television. The Go-Betweens, one more band in a swarm of bands to form & bloom in the wake of Verlaine & his fabulous group.

& it's so poignant, that this Friday, with the release of my new album, I name-check him in a song that collects my thoughts so much better, & more succinctly, than what I can write here. The song is called "When I Was A Young Man." The verse goes - "Elder brothers, they came along/ There was a new David & there was Tom/ They bewitched me in wardrobe & song/ When I was a young man."

The "new David" is David Byrne, & "Tom" is of course Verlaine. They were my twin peaks. Showing me how to dress & behave as a nervy twenty-one year old, trying to act & look as intense & interesting & poetic as I could. (Check any photo of me from 1978 to 1987 for evidence.)

Musically, I couldn't really compete with either of them. They were incredibly strong influences I had to shake off (a little) to get to anything original I could do. But thinking of Verlaine's guitar playing this morning - & that's what really hit me - was the influence of his tone in Seventies Rock. He ended or at least challenged the heavy bluesy thrust of Page/Clapton/Richards. Verlaine's guitar was loaded but sweet. It sang & soared. It was lyrical. It possesses enormous beauty. It hinted at jazz. It was ethereal & other worldly. & for someone like me, who was not a follower of guitar players & their lengthy solos, here was a guitar player for my age. & you just have to listen to the shape of guitar bands of the Eighties & beyond to hear the legacy of his playing. No disrespect to Clapton, but who sounds like him these days? Verlaine's soaring melodic tone & flurry of notes are everywhere. I am not meaning Rock is a competition - just that Verlaine is very present & always will be.

Forster nailed it, & he failed to mention another mention of Verlaine in one of his songs, the song "When She Sang About Angels," from the Go-Betweens record "Friends Of Rachel Worth," which was recorded here in Portland. The song about is about Patti Smith & contains the lines:

"When she sang about a boy -
Kurt Cobain -
I thought what a shame
It wasn't about Tom Verlaine"

Still lots of processing to do, but glad to have had this moment of synchronicity in my grief.

Sorry to quote someone else. I just honestly couldn't have said it better.

Friday, January 27, 2023

Jury Duty Postscript

(image from here)

After two & half days of tedium, I was not chosen for a jury.  Here is what I wrote on Facebook:

Released from jury duty!
To be honest I had a great deal of anxiety about serving. It was to be a four-week trial, & I would not have enjoyed that.
Yesterday (that is to say, Tuesday) I happened to mention that I was a "David v. Goliath" type of guy & I overwhelmingly rooted for the Davids of the world.
Today (this would be Wednesday) a lawyer for the defense asked me to elaborate, & I mentioned that I had talked generally about the case with my wife (we weren't allowed to talk about the specifics with anyone) & my wife had said, "They wouldn't want you on a jury in a trial  against a corporation. You HATE corporations!"
The lawyer then asked if that were so, would I not be biased against her client.
I said I would try but she said, "& yet if your wife had said you hated corporations..."
I said, "Yeah, I'd trust her. She's smarter than me."
That probably ended my chances right there.

Despite some of my friends, who said I should have lied so I could side against the little guy against greedy corporations, I had neither the confidence required to imagine I could convince eleven strangers to see things my way (& this is before I knew the facts of the case) nor the desire to waste four weeks on a trial about which I couldn't be sure I'd make any difference.

The relief that spread over me when my juror number was not called, ah! I wish I could drink a bottle of that a night.

Was I glad to see the process? Sure. Am I amazed that it exists? Yes! It's long & dumb & messy & there has to be a better way. But so far there isn't.

Here's hoping I'm not in a courthouse again for many many years.

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Self Help Radio 012423: Examples


Here, without you asking, is an example of a radio show. Not just any radio show. An episode of Self Help Radio. In fact, the show contains a multitude of examples - including songs about examples of all kinds. Examples are discussed, demonstrated, & defined.

It's the sort of show you might want to make an example of - but luckily it's not a textbook example of Self Help Radio, since there's no textbook that mentions this show. For example, all mathematics textbooks somehow lack any mention of Self Help Radio. But perhaps you learn by example - in which case, you'll learn a lot about Self Help Radio from its show about examples.

You can listen to the show in more than one place. For example, at the KBOO website. For another example, at the Self Help Radio website. If you do visit the latter, remember there's a username & password required - those are, for example, SHR & selfhelp. Every example on the show is listed below.

Please be a good example & enjoy this show about examples.

Self Help Radio Example Episode
"I'm An Example" Slumber Party _Slumber Party_
"I Was A Poor Example" Month Of Sundays _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_
"Example" Teen _Love Yes_

"Example 16a" The Bran Flakes _Bounces_
"Example # 22" Laurie Anderson _Big Science_
"Examples Of Analog Timbres" Wendy Carlos _Secrets Of Synthesis_
"For Example" The Nice _Nice_
"Mr. Bad Example" Warren Zevon _Mr. Bad Example_

"Examples" Out On Blue Six _W.N.W.6 Moonlight Radio_
"Perfect Example" Hüsker Dü _New Day Rising_
"Example" Cringer _Zen Flesh, Zen Bones_
"Bad Example" The Living Eyes _Living Large_
"Example To Change" The Meanies _10% Weird_

"Example Part 1" Winston Wright _Example Part 1/Example Part 2_
"Set A Better Example" Alton Ellis _The Best Of Alton Ellis_
"Set Some Example" Twinkle Brothers _Underground_
"Good Example" Fred Locks _Mission For The King_
"Example Part 2" The Upsetters With 3rd & 4th Generation _Example Part 1/Example Part 2_

"The Perfect Example" Dan & The Clean Cut Clan _Dynamite Group Sounds Vol. 11: 26 Explosive Group Harmony Sides!_
"Good Example" Cliff Eberhardt _12 Songs Of Good & Evil_
"I'm A Great Example To The Dogs" Lord Cut-Glass _Lord Cut-Glass_
"Skulls Example" Dear Nora _Skulls Example_
"My Life's Example" Treebound Story _My Life's Example_

"We Got A Thing Going On" The Classic Example _The Classic Example_
"As Long As You Love Me" True Example _Mixed With Love (The Walter Gibbons Salsoul Anthology)_
"Your Friend" The Examples _Your Friend_
"Stranger Than Fiction" The Bad Examples _Bad Is Beautiful_
"Flarepath" Par Example _Pharos_

"Example Of A Fool" Jan Howard _The Real Me_
"A Living Example" Billy 'Crash' Craddock _Two Sides Of 'Crash'_
"Good Example Of A Bad Example" The Lonesome Billies _Right On Time_
"Bad Example" Pistol Annies _Hell On Heels_
"Bright Examples" Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion _Bright Examples_

"Threat Of A Good Example" The Ants _Victory Side_
"An Example Show" Science Groove _My Dissertation_
"A Bad Example" No Monster Club _People Are Weird_
"Bad Example (All Hail The Lost)" Joel Streeter _Matador_
"Give 'Em An Example How A DJ Works" DJ Magic Mike & MC Madness _Ain't No Doubt About It_

"Example 78" Oliver Nelson _Sound Pieces_
"Take For Example This..." Billy Childs _Take for Example This..._
"Trane's Example" Ari Brown _Venus_

Monday, January 23, 2023

Whither Examples?

(image from here)

You have heard me complain before about the length of my show. I don't think it should be three hours long. But it is. & sometimes a theme occurs to me that I simply don't think I can fill three hours of programming with. You want an example of this? How about a show about examples?

Oh but I did find enough music to fill three hours, didn't I? Or else I wouldn't be doing the show! But it wasn't easy. The show has examples in song but a lot of other kinds of examples. Including one particular example of something I never do on the show, which helped me make up for the lack of songs about examples.

The show was recorded this weekend because I had jury duty today, & I have to go back to the courthouse tomorrow, so I won't be doing the show live, alas. But it's an example of how different radio is at the end of the pandemic - four years ago, I would have asked someone to sub; now I can record the show at home. I'm not sure what's better.

Listen tonight from midnight to 3am Portand time on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo.fm.

This concludes this example of the sort of thing I write every week before my show.

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Preface To Examples: Jury Duty

(This could be me! Image from here.)

It's true. Your humble deejay has been called for jury duty. I report to the Central County Courthouse tomorrow morning at 7:50 am. I've been called for jury duty in both Dallas & in Austin, & both times was not selected. But I always expect the worst, so I think I'll be sequestered for months & months & months.

For that reason, I have recorded this week's Self Help Radio - & I certainly hope I turned it in on time! It was a rush job of a silly theme & I had a little help with my regular collaborators. But if I have to go in on Tuesday morning at 7:50am I might not even stay up to live tweet it!

Oh I will miss doing it live. But I feel like if I try my luck, the fates will make an example of me. So I go to service willingly. & I adjust my life accordingly.

Saturday, January 21, 2023

The Movies In 1987

(image from the IMDb)

On this week's show - which featured some of my favorite music from 1987 - our resident cinephile Chuck interrupted from time-to-time to let us know about some films from 1987 that he liked which you might not have seen - or even heard of!

Listen to the show at either the Self Help Radio website or at the KBOO website, then check out Chuck's supplementary links below:

Here's the search list he used.

Here's the list on Letterboxd & also his reviews there.

Here is the YouTube playlist he created.

Here is a list of films available elsewhere.

If you keep up with Chuck on Twitter, you'll see he's watching films from 1987 all month long. Watch along with him!

Chuck'll be back for the Valentine's Day show!

Friday, January 20, 2023

55

(image from here)

Today I turned fifty-five years old. It's a cliché to say that one doesn't feel one's age, but I know I look it. I look like a fifty-five-year old.

Interestingly, only a few people wished me happy birthday - mainly family members. My very oldest friends, with whom I guess I don't really talk any more, were notably absent from even a kind text, save one. My guess is, they don't really know when my birthday is, or probably don't care.

It was fun in the early days of Facebook to wish everyone a happy birthday, since you can have Facebook remind your "friends" of your birthday, but I stopped doing that a while back. I also haven't allowed Facebook to share my birthday so no one (except family members) wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. Which is fine - the one time I let Facebook notify people about my birthday, most of the people who wished me happy birthday were acquaintances with whom I hadn't spoken in years & will probably never see again.

Please don't think me bitter or unhappy about all this - I am just making observations. My birthday has long ceased to be anything important, just another day - just another thing around which I can make a radio show. I confess I also no longer stay in touch with people who don't really want to stay in touch with me. How do I know they don't want to stay in touch with me? I don't reach out to them anymore. This means there are people who I'd write emails to regularly, or even call, who, the moment I stopped doing that, never communicated with me again. These are people who've known me for decades. When you're the only person keeping a relationship alive, is the relationship alive?

The wife did indulge me today, & I saw a friend's improv show (he gave me a book but didn't say "happy birthday" but I think he knew it was my birthday). I had a lovey dog walk in a part of Portland that I've never walked in before - I love doing that, but it does make me miss Winston a lot. He used to love walking in new neighborhoods too. All in all, it wasn't a bad birthday - but it also wasn't much different than this Friday might have been if it weren't my birthday.

It is sobering that I have less days before me than behind me. I saw a notice today that a beloved KOOP programmer had recently passed, & I suppose there'll be much more death ahead of me as well. I hope I get to live a long live, I have so much more music I want to listen to, more books I want to read, more movies I need to see. But I do feel lucky to have made it this far. That's a good birthday present.

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

Self Help Radio 011723: 1987

(all image from Discogs)

Wow, that was a radio show I might've done in 1987!

But there's so much more to cover that I love from that year, so I believe I'll be revisiting 1987 in six months or so - like I did last year with 1986 & the year before with 1985.

There are three hours of songs I love from 1987 in a file with minimal blab from me. You can listen to that show now at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember, you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). You can also listen - but you can't download the show - at the KBOO website.

Everything I played is below. To be continued in six months! Tell me what you think I missed!

Self Help Radio 1987 Show
"Let's Make Some Plans" The Close Lobsters _Let's Make Some Plans_
"Crawl Babies" The Pastels _Crawl Babies_
"When It All Comes Down" Miaow _When It All Comes Down_

"Shoplifters Of The World Unite" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_
"Happy When It Rains" The Jesus & Mary Chain _Darklands_
"Shine On" The House Of Love _Shine On_
"Flame Into Being" Momus _The Poison Boyfriend_
"Cry Baby Cry" Throwing Muses _Chains Changed_

"Hit The North Part 1" The Fall _Hit The North_
"Big Rock Candy Mountain (Velocity Dance Mix)" The Motorcycle Boy _Big Rock Candy Mountain_
"You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart" Eurythmics _Savage_
"Hope Road" Anne Clark _Hopeless Cases_
"Pump Up The Volume" M|A|R|R|S _Pump Up The Volume_

"She Lives By The Castle" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Bye Bye Pride" The Go-Betweens _Tallulah_
"A Trick Of The Light" The Triffids _Calenture_
"My Favourite Dress" The Wedding Present _My Favourite Dress_
"Waiting For The Flood" Love & Rockets _Earth Sun Moon_

"Schizophrenia" Sonic Youth _Sister_
"Levitate Me" Pixies _Come On Pilgrim_
"Happy Nightmare Baby" Opal _Happy Nightmare Baby_
"Cold Cold Ground" Tom Waits _Franks Wild Years_
"Birthday" The Sugarcubes _Birthday_

"All I Want" The Cure _Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me_
"This Corrosion" The Sisters Of Mercy _This Corrosion_
"Trust In Me" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Through The Looking Glass_
"Sloppy Heart" Frazier Chorus _Sloppy Heart_
"Cantara" Dead Can Dance _Within The Realm Of A Dying Sun_

"Son Of A Gun" The Vaselines _Son Of A Gun_
"Talulah Gosh" Talulah Gosh _Talulah Gosh_
"Stop Killing Me" The Primitives _Stop Killing Me_
"Happy All The Time" The Flatmates _Happy All The Time_
"Built Like A Car" Mighty Mighty _Built Like A Car_

"I Know You Got Soul" Eric B & Rakim _Paid In Full_
"South Bronx" Boogie Down Productions _Criminal Minded_
"Dope Man" N.W.A. _Panic Zone_

Monday, January 16, 2023

Whither 1987?

(image from here)

Maybe I'll play something from that JAMMS record above tonight. I certainly enjoyed it in 1987!

Every year around my birthday, I play music from records, singles, & EPs released in a particular year. This is a Self Help Radio tradition dating back to 2003, when the show wasn't even a year old - it happened on my birthday, so I played music from the year of my birth, which is 1968. Each year, I progress one more year, & this year, I've made it to 1987 - which was a very important year in music for me.

This may be the first year - I can't be sure about this but - it may be the first year in this series when the majority of the music I play is actually music I was listening to that year. I spent every extra cent I had on records - & on music magazines, where I learned about upcoming records.

It's safe to be back in the KBOO studios so I'll be there live tonight from midnight to 3am Portland time. The show will air in Portland town at 90.7fm & it will stream all over the world at kboo.fm.

Nineteen-year-old me would not believe many things about himself in 2023 - but he would certainly believe the music that meant so much to him then would still mean the world to him now.

Sunday, January 15, 2023

Preface To 1987: A Few More Stories About That Year

A selfie from 1987

It seems I won't have a lot of time & space for telling 1987 stories. Adopting a cat waylaid me. But. I think I can tell a few stories in this space.

My first year of college ended in May 1987 - I guess I did well. I had lived with two men who weren't really my friends, just guys I knew from high school, & one of them, named Todd, I literally never saw again after we moved out. He was charming & good-looking enough to occasionally bring girls home, & a couple of them were quite cute, but I never saw any of them more than once.

At school I didn't make many friends, but I had some friends I made in class & occasionally saw outside of class. One of them, a swell gal named Stacy, actually called me when I did my second 1986 show last summer. I would lose touch with her in a year when I met my second girlfriend but that's in 1988. My 1987 was loveless.

Though I tried to meet & talk to girls, I was pretty terrible at it. I would do dumb things like give them poems & then never speak to them again. In one situation, I went to a girl's apartment to give her a poem, & she invited me in & gave me tea. I went to her bathroom & in her shower was a large, I suppose life-sized poster of Prince, & what he was wearing was see-through. I was a little freaked-out about it - I didn't really like Prince & I didn't really like the girl. Or I should say: I wasn't in love with her. So I left abruptly. Naturally we didn't talk again.*

In those days I really needed & wanted to be in love. It was what all the music I loved was about, that & heartbreak. I was still carrying a torch for my first girlfriend, whom I dated for all of a week the year before. We wrote letters to each other but she was completely over me. During the summer of 1987, she had a layover at DFW Airport & I went to get her (borrowing again my sister's Subaru) & we spent some time together. I had hoped I was more charming after a year but she had no interest in me. But damn did I carry that torch for another very long year.

Working at 7-11 nights (see my previous entry) left me little time to go out & do stuff. I did run into a friend's brother at the store, a friend who had become a born-again Christian & stopped talking to me. We didn't talk for two more years, but we would reconnect & he would later play my spiritual mentor The Rev Dr Howard Gently on Self Help Radio.

He was in the class above me at our high school, but hadn't gone away to college - he went to a music school in town & lived with his parents. Another friend in that class had also stayed in town but had gone to SMU. His name was Kirk & before I got home from college, he died in a drunk driving accident. We hadn't spoken for a while but he had been a good friend in school. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral but wrote his mother a nice letter, to which she responded kindly. She lost her husband & son in the span of a few years.

When I returned to Austin, I had a new roommate - William, who had graduated from high school that year. I liked William a lot & he let me decorate our living room with my collection of posters that reflected my musical tastes but not his. I also for some dumb reason put my record player in the living room, which meant William was usually around when I listened to music, which was something that was very personal to me. William was smart but he didn't really go anywhere except class so he was always around. In addition, & I know this is stupid, I had become a vegetarian the previous year & he insisted on eating seafood. He had these little shrimps he cooked & it made the house smell icky.

Things were going to come to a head at some point - I had really begun to hate him - when he took me aside & told me that he was gay. I was the first person he came out to. I wanted to support him but I was not liking him very much - however, my built-in desire to be helpful overcame my enmity. I tried to get him to take advantage of the resources on campus - the Gay & Lesbian Student Association for example. He resisted for a long time, but eventually, probably at the beginning of 1988, he relented. The creepiest thing is, I think I was there when he lost his virginity - I didn't hear anything (I was in my room, listening to music) but I did meet the much older man who did the deed. Later on, William expressed a little regret because the guy only wanted him for that reason. I could only let him know straight guys can be just as gross.

A big decision I made in 1987 involved concert-going. I saw many more concerts in 1987 than I had in 1986. I think I saw the Cure, the Psychedelic Furs, the Mighty Lemon Drops, & U2 before I went back to school. The U2 concert was in Fort Worth, since U2 was upset about the gigantic venue in Dallas investing in apartheid South Africa. This was the Joshua Tree tour. It was my third & last time seeing a band at a giant venue. I guess they're called arenas or stadiums or something. I couldn't really hear the show, I definitely couldn't see the band, & I was annoyed by all the joints that were passed to me. So I vowed never to see a band in a giant space like that ever again. & I never did - which meant I never got to see some artists that are dear to me, like Dylan or Bowie or Neil Young. I regret it only a little.

At the end of the year, Thanksgiving weekend in fact, I got to see the Jesus & Mary Chain one night & Love & Rockets the next. It coincided with my first car accident & my first experience with radio.

Those days I still went home to Thanksgiving even though I couldn't really eat anything my family made, being a vegetarian.** The night after Thanksgiving I was returning to Austin with the person I called my best friend but who really didn't think that of me - it was glaringly obvious at the time but I chose not to see it - he really thought of me mostly with contempt. Anyway, he had tickets to see the Jesus & Mary Chain & that was the only reason he was taking me back to Austin. He never once did something nice for me out of the goodness of his heart - I either had to beg or guilt him, or it didn't inconvenience him to help me out. He had gone to see Love & Rockets that night in Dallas, & we were to drive in the night to Austin.

He picked me up late & we were turning probably from I-30 to I-35 in South Dallas when a car came barreling at us driving the wrong way in our lane. My "friend" tried to turn but they rammed us on the passenger side - where I was. We spun & they screeched to a halt & to this day I don't know how I got out of the car - I couldn't open my door, so I must've made it out of the driver's door. We approached the other car to see if they were all right, but they drove away - again, the wrong way in traffic. We didn't even get a license plate.

We were so dazed that we just started driving again & didn't stop to call the police until we were well out of town. That night when we got to Austin, I was so shook up that I somehow forgot how to use my key to open my door, so I broke my bedroom window to get into the apartment. Surprisingly, some security guard approached me & I showed him that my key actually worked. Hilariously, my "friend" had given up hope & was sleeping in the laundromat. As with many times in my life, I had to go looking for him.

Neither of us were hurt, thankfully, but we drove the dark two hundred miles to Austin with quite a lot of adrenalin & a weird youthful sense we had cheated death.

The show this week is one of the most personal I've ever done. While I am sure I had classes that I took that I enjoyed, I don't really remember them. I was a good student & did well. But in my personal life, I was very lonesome & absurdly socially awkward. Music was something that occupied me & defined me - I spent most of my non-school, non-rent money in record stores.

Oh shit I forgot to tell you the radio station thing. Well. For some reason my "friend" & I found ourselves the day of the Jesus & Mary Chain show at the only community radio station around at the time, KAZI. In Dallas, my "friend" listened to KNON regularly, & I tried to listen to when I could, especially a show on Thursday nights that seemed perfect for me. I guess he thought KAZI would be Austin's equivalent. We went there, they gave us volunteer badges, & we somehow thought we could use them to interview the Jesus & Mary Chain. Suffice it to say, the band didn't let us in their bus, & I never went back to KAZI again after my "friend" went back to Dallas. I didn't have a car & it was far from where I lived.***

But I do recall looking into that studio where a deejay was spinning records & talking on the mic, & thinking it was way cool & even a bit magical. I'd like to say I saw my future in there but really I didn't have that desire then. Not that it hadn't crossed my mind - but it seemed far away if not impossible at the time.

* Well, I saw her at a record store later on, but we just said hi.
** My sister Pat later told me my mother was so terrified I was going to die that she would make me stuff & put animal fat in it. So I guess I wasn't entirely vegetarian.
*** KAZI now is mainly an "urban contemporary" station but that happened largely after KVRX & KOOP went on the air. I remember listening to a late-night indie show on the station in 1989 - the sort of show I would've myself done.

Saturday, January 14, 2023

Bluto

After the unhappy loss of both Bolan & Winston, our little house felt a bit empty. Our remaining cat Boone seemed to be affected by the loss of Bolan in particular - this past week he woke us at night crying in a doleful way, prompting us to call him to us. We wondered if he were lonesome - he waited at the door for us when we went for dog walks - & thought maybe he needed a sibling.

My wife spent a large part of the last week seeking that sibling. It was not an easy search - people in the Portland area love their cats, & we found that inquiring about a particular kitten at a shelter might mean it would be adopted before the response - but yesterday we heard from the Humane Society in Salem, an hour to the south. My wife had fallen for a grey tabby & we went to meet him.

We brought him home today. His picture is above. Our cat Boone was not initially happy; he remains skeptical. Our two dogs seem a bit perplexed. They tolerate him if he ignores them, but are a mite aggressive if he wants to engage. Tonight, as I had a little whiskey, the new kitten fell asleep with my wife on the sofa. We put him in a crate & we hope he'll be okay for a few hours. I told my wife, "Go to him as soon as you wake up!"

His name is Bluto. I forget his shelter name. It was the name of a cleaning product. We discussed other names but this is the one we agreed on. Though he's tiny, he may yet grow up to be a bruiser. Right now, though, he's the sweetest damn thing you've ever met.

This is the thing about pets: it doesn't matter the wound left by the loss of the animals you love, your heart, if it's healthy, will expand to allow others in. I think Bolan & Winston would approve. Or at least understand - holy smokes, they'd think, Dad is adopting someone else. It happened throughout their lives.

They both knew it didn't mean I loved them less. It meant I had enough love for them & more. As Bolan's namesake once sang, "Deep in my heart, there's a room that can hold just about all of you."

Friday, January 13, 2023

In 1987 I Spent Three Months In A 7-11

(This is not what the store I worked in looked like - but it's close. Image from here.)

This is the time of year when my birthday appears, & when that happens, I revisit a year of my life. This year I've made it up to 1987, & I'll play on the show some of my favorite music of 1987.  On the blog here, I'll talk about my life. What I can remember of it.

In January of 1987 I turned 19 years old. I finished my first year of college. I wasn't a happy person & didn't really have much love in my life - there was a person whom I thought of as my best friend, but mostly he treated me with condescension & contempt. Most of that year we lived apart so I didn't see him much. I wish he had stopped talking to me but alas he wasn't through using my kindness yet.

What I wanted to talk about here though was 7-11. Yes, the convenience store. Because my father had worked for the Southland corporation, I was able to win a scholarship from them. I naïvely thought I might get a summer job with them in their Dallas corporate offices. They told me they'd gladly hire me - to work at one of their stores.

The store I worked at no longer exists.  It was in a triangular patch of land where South First Street ran into Broadway Boulevard.  This is what's there now (looking southeast from First Street):


(image from Ggooel Pasm)

The Auto Zone building is where the parking lot used to be; where the Auto Zone parking lot is stood a tiny strip mall with the 7-11, &, to east, a couple of shops. One sold beauty products*, but I can't recall what the other business was.  I worked nights, the 7-11 was the only thing open. Maybe it was unoccupied,

The building behind the Auto Zone - which used to be across the parking lot from the 7-11 - is now owned by Verizon, but it used to be a Bell Telephone place.  People worked there all night long - they often came over to get coffee & candy bars.

It wasn't a bad job & I didn't have a car so I didn't do much that summer. I have three anecdotes about my time working at 7-11 in the summer of 1987.

For training, I had to borrow my sister's car, which was an old red Subaru with a stick shift.  I had to drive it into Dallas at some special 7-11 with little room for training in the back. The people I trained with did not like me. I think when I mentioned I was home from college, they thought I was boasting or something. One of them was particularly nasty to me. I remember she was extolling the virtues of renting-to-own, something my family didn't really do because we were too poor for even that. I was curious about it. I asked her how much she paid for her television or something. I asked how long she would be paying it. Then I asked what an average television costs. It was discovered she would own the television after paying more than three times what it was worth. I said, "Wouldn't it be smarter to save the money & then buy the television at a store?" She said, "Shut the fuck up, college boy."

One day I gave a ride home to one of the fellow trainees. She was young & pretty & I had no chance with her. I was a bit more hopeful then, I thought maybe I could charm her anyway. She lived in Oak Cliff, opposite the direction I would take to get home. When I got back to my sister's, they were furious with me. But the upside was, driving in Dallas traffic helped me learn how to use a standard or manual transmission. There were moments when getting out of first gear was life or death - I remember being in the middle of an intersection & thinking to myself, "Boy! Don't you wish you believed in some kind of god to ask for help now!"

Just as I started the job, I injured myself. A classmate named William - who would become my roommate for my second year of college - asked me if, while his family visited relatives, I would watch their dog. He assured me that I could go there twice a day, feed the dog, let it out, & it would be fine. I said yes because I am chronically nice. So I went in the evening before work, & visited after work. It became very clear the poor dog was lonely & also unable to wait for me to let it out. I found myself having to clean dog shit off the floors & carpets. I don't know how long it was before it happened, but one morning, very exhausted, I tried desperately to get the dog to go outside & do his business. I hopped around the backyard then tripped myself on a tree root growing out of the ground. I sprained my ankle pretty bad - the pain was unbearable. The dog just wanted to be loved, it was so lonely.

I managed to make it back to my sister's - it was her car I was using. The foot I sprained was my left one - you know, the one you use for the clutch. I was weeping openly because it hurt so much to change gears. To help me deal with the pain, I turned the music in the car up as loud as possible & shrieked along.  I remember just hollering the Smiths' "Rubber Ring" as I made my way back to my sister's**. When I got there, she looked at my ankle, which had swollen to the size of a melon. At one point I appeared to pass out in the chair.  When I came to, I said, "I think I fainted."

"No," my sister said, "you went into shock."

But I survived - I rode in my first ambulance, I believe - but the worst part was my mother "taking care" of me at home for two weeks. She meant well but boy did she complain about all the sad music I was listening to.

Finally, I was able to work at 7-11, probably starting in late May or early June. Garland at the time was dry, meaning you couldn't buy alcohol beverages anywhere, & 7-11 had phased out the mainstream pornographic magazines because of pressure from the religious right. We didn't even have a hot dog or nacho set-up. People mainly came in for soda, coffee, or cigarettes. Cigarettes were the biggest business.

There were many tasks to do & mainly the night was quiet, but usually lots of folks would show up around 2am, after the bars closed in Dallas. One such night there was a flurry of activity & when the last person left the store I remember feeling like there should be someone there. You get a sense for these things. But there was no one else in the store, so I continued doing my work, at one point going into the back room where I saw that a trash bag I had recently replaced had somehow fallen into the trash can. I sighed at my shoddy work & made a mental note to fix it later - I was probably restocking shelves.

When another group of people came in, a fellow emerged from the back room with a giant trash bag full of what I later found out were cartons of cigarette. I said "Hey!" but he strode calmly, quickly, to the front door, & once outside, ran to the left. I followed him & even got a license plate number but later got yelled at for doing so. We were to never put ourselves in danger. My young manager, who was a Southland executive whose own training involved managing a group of stores in a region before he went on to I guess was more administrative work, told me later that the car had been stolen***.

That manager liked me & was disappointed when I went back to college. I wish I had learned my lesson & just stayed in Austin for the summer, but I would repeat that mistake the next year.

Memories of 1987 are a jumble for me. These stories I tell won't be in chronological order. But I suspect I've bored you enough for today.

* It's a dumb thing to remember, but I know it was a beauty store - maybe even a salon - because before I left I went over to ask if they had any extra old posters that advertising products you can only buy in a beauty shop, with close-ups of woman's heads. I somehow thought it would be cool to decorate my apartment in Austin with those posters. They did not have any extras.

** Imagine, Bob Dylan recently said that music never saved anyone's life!

*** I wonder where he was in the back room when I came in & noticed the trash bag - which was probably full of cartons of cigarettes. Would he have assaulted me if I noticed? Was I lucky I blamed myself & had other things to do?

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Self Help Radio 011023: Napping

For a radio show like Self Help Radio, widely regarded as "lazy," a show about naps seems appropriate. Alas, if Self Help Radio is on, it's likely to ruin one's nap. We'll split the difference & encourage you to nap during this week's show, which is about napping.

As you can see on the playlist below, lots of songs about naps were played, four oddballs were interviewed, & we even had a siesta set. I wish I could say I napped during the show - I did not - but almost certainly I dozed off a few times. Though I do that, to be honest, during most of my shows.

Whether napping or not, you can listen to the show now or whenever at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. Should you opt for the show's website, remember you will need a username (which is SHR) & a password (which is selfhelp) to access the file. The cool thing is it's downloadable, unlike the stream at the KBOO site,

Okay. Time for a nap!

Self Help Radio Naps Show
"Naptime" Bert & Ernie _What Time Is It On Sesame Street_
"I Need A Nap" Coal Train Railroad _Coal Train Railroad_
"Naptime" Charlie Hope _I'm Me! (A Collection Of Songs For Children)_

introduction & definitions

"The Nap" It's A Musical _For Years & Years_
"Have A Nap Mom" The Salteens _Kid Songs_
"Daddy Take A Nap" Loudon Wainwright III _I'm Alright_
"Nap, Nap, Nap" The Opera Bell Band _Lazy, Tired, & Uninspired_
"Disco Nap" Luke The Knife _Disco Nap_

interview with Alex Jay, who likes to nap with people

"Cat Nap" Ding Dong Devils _Hello Little Olives!_
"Cat Nap" The Glow Cats _Cat Bits_
"Catnap" Kaito _You've Seen Us... You Must Have Seen Us..._
"Fat Nap" Petty Crimes _Fat Nap EP_
"Recuperative Effects Of Napping" Fly Spinach Fly _Nature's Candy_

interview with sleep expert Leonard Sharp

"Siesta" Frank Sinatra _Sinatra In Hollywood: 1940-1964_
"Siesta" Bob Wills & Tommy Duncan With The Texas Playboys _Faded Love 1947-1973_
"Siesta Fiesta" Dean Martin _Dream With Dean + Everybody Loves Somebody_
"Siesta" Jim Gaffigan _The Pale Tourist_
"Siesta" The Zebras _Siesta_
"La Siesta" Biarritz _De Paseo_

interview with competitive napper Reggie Masterson

"Gonna Catch You Nappin'" The Avons _Golden Classics_
"You Caught Me Napping" The Lamp Sisters _No Cure For The Blues_
"I Caught You Napping" Invisible Ink _Lite Up The Stereo..._
"Caught Napping" Dean Carter _Grimoires_
"Aurora Caught Napping" Herd Of Mers _Aurora Caught Napping_
"I Catch You Napping" Pinkshinyultrablast _Grandfeathered_

interview with napping opponent Dr. Ashley Kent

"Nap To Do" The Bunnies _Ooh Wee Baby_
"The Nap" Baleine 3000 _The Nap_
"Nap Song" Kikagaku Moyo _Kumoyo Island_
"Napping On The Bamboo" Yosuke Yamashita, Bill Laswell, & Ryuichi Sakamoto _Asian Games_
"Afternoon Nap (For Pets)" Lullatone _Little Songs About Raindrops_

a short discussion of inemuri

"Napping In Japan" Tiny Desk Unit _Naples_
"A Nap At Truthtime, Some Magic Slips Away" Dave Fischoff _The Ox & The Rainbow_
"Even Marathon Runners Need To Nap" Troubled Hubble _Making Beds In A Burning House_
"Start Taking Naps" Shelby Sifers _Run Around, Run Around_
"Nap King" Sybris _Into The Trees_
"Gregorian Nap" Nightbird Casino _Gregorian Nap_

conclusion & goodbye

"Nap Trap" The Bicycles _Stop Thinking So Much_
"Nap" Wimps _Repeat_
"Nap Time: Twelve-Tone Lullaby" Grandma Sparrow _Grandma Sparrow & His Piddletractor Orchestra_
"Power Nap" Alphabets _Power Nap_
"Nap Gate" Wurld Series _What's Growing_"Nappin' In Lapland" The Nothing _Stroke: Songs For Chris Knox_

Monday, January 09, 2023

Whither Napping?

Lazy girl.

Ultimately I think I prefer naps to an actual "full night's sleep." It's only some convention & regular obligations that keep me from just being up as long as I want & napping when I get a little weary. I suspect that in the absence of any responsibilities my sleep cycle might ultimately resemble a Rube Goldberg machine.

That being said, while there are lots & lots & lots of songs about sleep, I found barely enough songs about naps to fill three hours.  Not that there weren't more songs, I just wanted to play songs I actually liked. & while napping is a very common subject of lots of electronica, I felt like playing too much of that would be a cheat.

The results of my labors (put together on a day without a nap!) are happening from midnight to 3am Portland time on 90.7 fm.  More information is available at kboo.fm but I do not think we're currently streaming. More information about that on the website too.

No worries!  If you're busy sleeping or - better still - napping, I'll have it up on the Self Help Radio website forthwith.

Sweet dreams!

Sunday, January 08, 2023

Preface To Napping: Addicted To Naps

(pretty sure I found this at thisisnthappiness.com)

Strangely enough I didn't nap today. Or I did. It was for about fifteen minutes.  Not really a nap for me.

But I do like to nap. Often for two hours or more. I've met people who can nap for fifteen or thirty minutes but that doesn't really help me all that much.

The naps I miss most weren't really naps. They were the moments when you nodded off in class. It was somewhat dangerous to do that in high school but in large college classes it was very, very hard to stay awake. I got so much rest in those giant auditoriums.

The show this week will celebrate all kinds of naps. Even if I don't get a nap tomorrow either.