Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: International Mud Day

(image from here)

June 29 is International Mud Day. Mud being one subject almost all nations can agree on. Yes, there's mud. Sometimes lots of mud. Sometimes not so much. But there is in fact mud.

We report on mud tomorrow, Sunday, June 29, on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM. From noon to 1pm on 91.1 & 107.1fm in Portland, online at xray dot fm.

Apologies if we track muddy radio all through your house.

This Week In Self Help: June 20 22 + 24

(image from the IMDb)

It may come as a surprise that I make radio shows since no one has ever listened to the ones I've made but I present evidence that supports my assertion that I actually do. This is what I did the previous seven days:

Friday the 20th on The Songcircle on KBOO, I played lots of new releases.

Here it is on the KBOO website. Here it is on the Self Help Radio website.

Sunday the 22nd on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY, I celebrated Kris Kristofferson's birthday.

Here it is on the XRAY website. Here it is on the Self Help Radio website.

Tuesday the 24th on Self Help Radio on KBOO, I played songs & talked about black holes.

Here it is on the KBOO website. Here it is on the Self Help Radio website.

Also Tuesday the 24th but on Corporate Standardized Programming, I played lots of new releases.
It's on the KBOO file above. If you'd like to listen to it alone, here it is on the Self Help Radio website.

If needed, to access files on the Self Help Radio website, the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp.

To answer a question you probably didn't ask, no, I didn't watch The Black Hole before I made this show. I saw it I believe in the theaters back when I was 11. I fell asleep during the film.

Self Help Radio 062425: Black Holes

(original image here*)

We made it into outer space! Or at least our radio waves did. & probably they'll be sucked into a black hole eventually.

Lots of songs & lots of silly interviews & maybe even some knowledge dropped although I wouldn't hold my breath. The regular sort of Self Help Radio nonsense, you understand.

You can listen now at the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. At the latter you may need a username & password - try SHR & selfhelp. Almost everything that happened on the show is below - some of it almost certainly disappeared into a black hole.

Self Help Radio Black Holes Show

"Ghosts Of The Black Hole" Bearsuit _The Phantom Forest_

"Black Hole" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_

"The Black Hole Understands" Cloud Nothings _The Black Hole Understands_

introduction & definitions

"Black Hole" The Gun Club _In Exile_

"Black Hole" Be Your Own Pet _Get Damaged_

"Black Hole Love" Urusei Yatsura _We Are Urusei Yatsura_

"Blackholes & Brokenhearts" Drugstore _Anatomy_

"Black Hole" James _Stutter_

interview with physicist Dr Phil Scolly

"Black Hole Sun" Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme _Lounge-A-Palooza_

"Black Hole Baby" Superorganism _World Wide Pop_

"That Old Black Hole" Dr. Dog _Be The Void_

"Black Hole, Weirdo Shrine" La Luz _Weirdo Shrine_

"The Black Hole Tube" Negativland _Happy Heroes_

interview with astronaut Major Josh Hendricks

"Big Black Hole" The Oblivians _Soul Food_

"Big Bangs, Black Holes, Meteorites" Love Is All _A Hundred Things Keep Me Up At Night_

"Black Holes" Dirty Sidewalks _Bring Down The House Lights_

"Black Hole" The Rosebuds _Life Like_

"Little Black Holes" Elf Power _Elf Power_

interview with musician Bret Oster

"Black Hole Era" Kisskadee _Black Hole Era_

"Black Holes In Stereo" King Tuff _Black Moon Spell_

"Black Holes" Bob & Doug McKenzie _Great White North_

"Black Hole" Love Tractor _Black Hole_

"Black Hole, Son" Field Mouse _Meaning_

conclusion & goodbye

"Big Black Hole" Malcolm Middleton _Summer Of '13_

"Black Holes Of Negativity Part 3 (Saying No)" The Get Right Band _iTopia_

* Licensed under the Attribution 2.0 Generic License

Whither Black Holes?

(image from NASA)

If it isn't already obvious, I'm a science fiction nerd. Not all science fiction nerds are Star Trek nerds, but my Venn diagram shows definite overlap there. I am not a big enough Star Trek nerd that I watch Star Trek all the time - it's been a while since I've watched an entire episode I've seen before - but I do occasionally, usually when I am cooking, watch fellow nerds on YouTube review Star Trek episodes. & recently after one ended, there was a video about Deep Space Nine that showed its introduction.

If you haven't seen Deep Space Nine, well, I recommend it - it's my favorite Star Trek series. It's about a space station near a stable wormhole. & I know what you're thinking Gary! A black hole isn't a wormhole! I understand that. But I got to looking for songs about black holes anyway & then... tonight's show started to take shape.

There were far more songs about black holes - some of them about literal holes, not astronomical ones - than about wormholes.

That's what's happening tonight on Self Help Radio on KBOO. Midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland & online at kboo dot fm. I'll try to keep the nerdiness to a minimum but seriously no promises.

Preface To Black Holes: Carl Sagan

(image from here)

Click here to see an excerpt from Carl Sagan's Cosmos series where he talks about black holes. I'll excerpt this for tomorrow's show but won't be able to use the visuals, you know, because radio. I have no idea how the science has changed in the - gosh almost fifty years since he made the series - but it's always a joy to listen to him talk. Sigh.

Can I just play a couple hours of Cosmos instead of my dumb show this week? No? Too bad.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Kris Kristofferson's Birthday

(image from Discogs)

Singer, songwriter, & actor Kris Kristofferson was born on June 22, 1936, in Brownsville, Texas. He left our world last year. We at the Dickenbock Report would like to spend what would have been his 89th birthday listening to many of his songs as interpreted by artists who admired & were influenced by him. A little musical wisdom might be helpful in our perilous times.

That's Sunday, June 22, from noon to 1pm, on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help: June 13 15 + 17

(image from the Wikipedia)

Here's what I've been doing the radio this past week.

On Friday the 13th (a week ago) I subbed an evening show on KBOO & played lots of new stuff. KBOO doesn't archive its fill-in shows but I put it over on the Self Help Radio website if you wanna listen.

On Sunday the 15th I was on the Dickenbock Report playing songs about prunes on National Prune Day. You can listen to it on the XRAY website or on the Self Help Radio website.

On Tuesday the 17th I played a lot more Howard Gently appearances on Self Help Radio. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website or on the Self Help Radio website.

Finally, the last hour of that show on the KBOO link above is an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming in which I played artists we lost in January of this year. You can also listen to that show on its own on the Self Help Radio website.

My usual note: if you're listening on the Self Help Radio website, you may need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access the file. Sorry for the inconvenience. Have some prunes.

Self Help Radio 061725: Howard Gently Year Four Continued

Here it is, the ninth collection of appearances of Howard Gently on Self Help Radio. It takes place in the middle of 2017 & includes the one-hundredth appearance of Howard Gently on the show.

Howard Gently was performed by my dear friend Russell who died two years ago today. I have been playing his appearances in chronological order in shows about every three months. He was a very funny person & I miss him too much. But I am glad I have these recordings. Just so they're not all talk talk talk I play a song from the show - the songs & bits are based on the show's theme - before the interview. I tried to pick a song I knew Russ would like &/or one I thought he might like.

There's a need for an apology - I was very tired during this show so I am a little low energy. I'm also trying not to be too sad - which can be, as you probably know, exhausting.

Listen now or whenever you need a fake spiritual mentor at either the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. You might need the username SHR & password selfhelp to access at the latter. What happens on the show is below.

If I were funny as Russell was I'd have a spiritual-sounding but incredibly silly word or phrase to end this post. I'm not, you know, so I don't.

Self Help Radio Howard Gently Year Four Continued Show

"Do The Oswald" Russell Miles _Do The Oswald_

"Question The Answer" Sheila Chandra _Nada Brahma_

Howard Gently on the theme "Questions"

"Closing Time" Leonard Cohen _The Future_

Howard Gently on the theme "Bars"

"Rise" Public Image Ltd. _Compact Disc_

Howard Gently on the theme "Rise"

"You Are In My Vision" Tubeway Army _Replicas_

Howard Gently on the theme "Visions"

"Venus" Television _Marquee Moon_

Howard Gently on the theme "Venus"

"Warning Sign" Talking Heads _More Songs About Buildings & Food_

Howard Gently on the theme "Warnings"

"Rubberband Girl" Kate Bush _The Red Shoes_

Howard Gently on the theme "Rubber (Sort Of Not Really)"

"The Pencil Broke (& That's All She Wrote)" Lionel Hampton & His Orchestra _The Lionel Hampton Story_

Howard Gently on the theme "Pencils"

"Crooked" Kristin Hersh _Crooked_

Howard Gently on the theme "Crooked"

"Only Seventeen" Beatle-Ettes _Girls With Guitars_

Howard Gently on the theme "Seventeen"

"Uncontrollable Urge" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_

Howard Gently on the theme "Control"

Howard Gently on the theme "Machines"

Whither Howard Gently Year Four Continued?

(a Howard Gently side-hustle?)

Tonight on Self Help Radio, I continue to play, in chronological order, improvised comedic bits made by my dear friend Russell. He played on the show my "spiritual mentor" the Reverend Doctor Howard Gently, a kind of new age huckster, & Russell found ever-more outlandish things for Dr. Gently to be involved in. It was a thrill to relive these appearances on the show - all from 2017 - & I hope you'll find them as funny & creative as I do.

That'll be tonight, from midnight to 2am, on 90.7fm in Portland & online everywhere at kboo dot fm. As Howard Gently often ended his interviews, I say in conclusion, "Blessed be."

Preface To Howard Gently Year Four Continued: Memorial Middle School

(image from here)

This week on the show I play more improvised funnies I made with my friend Russell, who died very unexpectedly two years ago. He portrayed my spiritual mentor the Rev Dr Howard Gently for many years starting in 2014. The recordings I'll share this week will be from 2017, the fourth year he appeared on the show.

We met at the place above. In or around 1981 I believe. It was then called Memorial Middle School. It's now called Memorial Pathway Academy. I really need to dig into my old yearbooks & scan better photos but this is all I got at the moment. Where you see the last letters of "academy" is the big gym. I suffered many phys ed classes in there. Did many awkward calisthenics. Russell was a year ahead of me so we never had to spend unpleasant times in p.e. together. He was a bit scrawny. I was a fat kid.

The first time I became aware of Russ was in a Beta Club meeting at the end of my sixth grade year. I guess he was in seventh grade. Beta Club was or is some kind of precursor to the National Honor Society. I watched him being funny & wanted to be his friend. At some Beta Club gathering at someone's house we found ourselves in a bedroom talking about the Beatles. It was the first time I had met someone my age as obsessed with the Beatles as I was.

One thing's for sure, I don't believe either of us believed we'd stay friends for decades. Russell had so many qualities I admired - he was funny, he was a musician, he was creative. I was kind of a blob, amorphous, unformed, seeking out things I liked but not really thinking I could be a part of those worlds. Russell formed a band & wrote songs. I kinda scribbled & drew comics but never really finished anything. So you may say I was in awe of him.

Sometimes I wonder what he would think of me replaying all his bits. I think he might say, "Maybe don't air that one again. It's not that good." He could be very self-critical. But then as now I knew what I'd like & I would plow ahead - "I think it's funny!" I'd say - & he'd let me do it. Okay it seems I know what he'd think. But also I know he'd let me do it if I thought it was funny.

This is how I give myself permission to share these recordings with you.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Prune Day

(image from here)

June 15 is National Prune Day. Seeing as we at the Dickenbock Report root for the underdog, it's only natural we dedicate a show reporting on this mostly maligned fruit. Dried fruit. You know what we mean.

That's Sunday at noon, on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere. A more regular episode you'll not hear.

This Week In Self Help: June 8 + 10

A quiet week for me with just the regular shows. Which were:

A Dickenbock Report episode on Name Your Poison Day in which all the songs were called "Poison."
Here is the show on XRAY.
Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

A Self Help Radio episode about beards.
Here is the show on KBOO.

Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

A Corporate Standardized Programming episode with all new releases.

It's on the KBOO file linked above but if you wanna hear it all by itself:
Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Remember, if you listen on the Self Help Radio website, you may be asked for a username & password. Those would be SHR & selfhelp respectively.

Personally I think I would be too nervous & a little embarrassed to have someone shape my beard. But as my wife might say, "That sounds like a personal problem."

Self Help Radio 061025: Beards

It's weird, the beard is so ubiquitous that I was shocked to learn - thanks to this Wikipedia page - that only five American Presidents have sported one while in office - not counting a two-week goatee Harry Truman wore after the 1948 election. I find that strange because we must all know more than five people who have beards - not counting ourselves. Thinking about it, there are at least people on my street that have beards!

Here then is a celebration of the beard - not because I have one - it's not out of pride I wear a beard, it's mostly out of laziness - but because I do think beards are just great. I highly recommend them. & these days, if it makes you seem less presidential - friend, that's a good thing.

You can listen while stroking you beard at both the KBOO website & also the Self Help Radio website. For the latter, if needed, use SHR as a username, & selfhelp as a password. Most everything that happened on the show is listed below.

As for me - ugh - I might need a trim.

Self Help Radio Beard Show

"Growin' A Beard" Ben Vaughn _Dressed In Black_

"Let's Grow Beards" Professor Banjo _PB & Jam_

"An Ode To My Facial Hair" Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. _Making Friends At 40_

introduction, definitions, & historu

"The Man With The Weird Beard" Arthur Godfrey With The Too Fat Trio _Heap Big Smoke_

"Goatee" Joey Warren _Sin Alley! Volume Four - Filthy, Sleazey 50s Trash!_

"Weird Beard" Cindy Malone _Wild Sounds From An Overheated Jukebox_

"Beard (Excerpt)" George Carlin _FM & AM_

"Beard Lust" Natalie Portman's Shaved Head _Glistening Pleasure_

"The Pros & Cons Of Having A Beard" Jam On Bread _A Railcard Adventure_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by with some books about beards

"Beard On A Bike" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_

"Curly Beard" The Telephone Company _Panda Brain!_

"Baby, I Grew You A Beard" Neil Halstead _Oh! Mighty Engine_

"Let It Beard" Boston Spaceships _Let It Beard_

"Captain BlackBeard Did What?" Shel Silverstein _A Light In The Attic_

"Beard & Moustache" Vagabond Opera _Sing For Your Lives_

interview with The Magnificent Clark, who reads beards

"Got Me A Beard" The Beards _Having A Beard Is The New Not Having A Beard_

"Walt Whitman's Beard" The Spent Poets _The Spent Poets_

"The Beard Song" The Bandettes _Take Me Home_

"This Grey Beard" Bobby Blackhat _Put On Your Red Shoes_

"Daddy's Beard" Adam Sandler _100% Fresh_

"Big Beards (feat. Ceschi)" Spoken Nerd _Our Team Is Going To Win_

interview with Sebastian, who helps men get beards

"Beard" The Strines _Dog.Ger.El_

"She's The Beard" Caleb Nichols _Ramon_

"Beard Salesman" Monty Python _Monty Python's Life Of Brian (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)_

"Eyebrows & Beards" Exuma _Do Wah Nanny_

"Weird Beard & Black Wolf" The Kingsbury Manx _Bronze Age_

"Bourbon Beard" Silkworm _Italian Platinum_

conclusion & goodbye

"Beginnings Of A Beard" The Island Of Misfit Toys _Bear Hair_ 

"Fern Beard" The Submarines _Honeysuckle Weeks_

"Maggots In My Beard" Teriyakis _Pre-Literate: Post-Necessary_

Whither Beards?

(it's my beard, yo)

Tonight's show is about beards. It occurred to me I had never done a show about beards despite sporting a beard for a good deal of my adult life. The main reason I have a beard is laziness. I hate shaving, I can't imagine shaving daily, & even when I did shave regularly, I never shaved daily. But there's another big reason for me to always be bearded: my wife doesn't like me clean-shaven. Laziness + pleasing the wife = a beard I need to remember to trim every few weeks.

But this summer my wife is going overseas for research & I thought, hey, I can shave my beard off for the first time in several years. Just to do it. To remind myself how funny-looking I am without it. To let my face breathe a little for a few days. & that made me think that beards would be a good theme for the show.

Now it shall come to pass. Self Help Radio's show about beards airs tonight on KBOO from midnight to 2am. That's on 90.7fm in Portland & everywhere at kboo dot fm.

You won't need a beard to enjoy it, but that might help.

Preface To Beards: My First Beard

The theme of this week's Self Help Radio is beards. I don't know why but I really wanted to be able to grow a beard as soon as possible. It might have been that I hated shaving. I didn't like to shave. Anyway, here's a picture from late 1986 when I grew my first beard. I was 18 years old.

It's probably not fair to say my first beard. It was my first successful beard. I tried to grow a beard in the summer of 1985 & there were some beardlike patches of hair on my face, but thankfully I have no pictures of that. No one said a thing, but that's because most of the people in my life were unkind. Or maybe they did say something & I ignored them because I really wanted to have a beard.

One thing I remember about that first beard - I didn't know how to trim a beard & there was no one to advise me - no Youtube tutorials out there - so when it got a little uncomfortable, I shaved it off. & it was winter & it was fucking cold & I had no idea how well my beard had kept my face warm.

Here's another dumb memory: I ran into a guy I knew in high school, he was a year older than I was, we had had Latin class together. He saw me at the University Of Texas Student Union, sporting a beard, & he said, "Gary! What has college done to you?" I said, "Nothing I wouldn't have done anyway."

He looked at me thoughtfully & he said, "Good answer." He was that kind of guy.