Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Prune Day

(image from here)

June 15 is National Prune Day. Seeing as we at the Dickenbock Report root for the underdog, it's only natural we dedicate a show reporting on this mostly maligned fruit. Dried fruit. You know what we mean.

That's Sunday at noon, on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere. A more regular episode you'll not hear.

This Week In Self Help: June 8 + 10

A quiet week for me with just the regular shows. Which were:

A Dickenbock Report episode on Name Your Poison Day in which all the songs were called "Poison."
Here is the show on XRAY.
Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

A Self Help Radio episode about beards.
Here is the show on KBOO.

Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

A Corporate Standardized Programming episode with all new releases.

It's on the KBOO file linked above but if you wanna hear it all by itself:
Here is the show on the Self Help Radio website.

Remember, if you listen on the Self Help Radio website, you may be asked for a username & password. Those would be SHR & selfhelp respectively.

Personally I think I would be too nervous & a little embarrassed to have someone shape my beard. But as my wife might say, "That sounds like a personal problem."

Self Help Radio 061025: Beards

It's weird, the beard is so ubiquitous that I was shocked to learn - thanks to this Wikipedia page - that only five American Presidents have sported one while in office - not counting a two-week goatee Harry Truman wore after the 1948 election. I find that strange because we must all know more than five people who have beards - not counting ourselves. Thinking about it, there are at least people on my street that have beards!

Here then is a celebration of the beard - not because I have one - it's not out of pride I wear a beard, it's mostly out of laziness - but because I do think beards are just great. I highly recommend them. & these days, if it makes you seem less presidential - friend, that's a good thing.

You can listen while stroking you beard at both the KBOO website & also the Self Help Radio website. For the latter, if needed, use SHR as a username, & selfhelp as a password. Most everything that happened on the show is listed below.

As for me - ugh - I might need a trim.

Self Help Radio Beard Show

"Growin' A Beard" Ben Vaughn _Dressed In Black_

"Let's Grow Beards" Professor Banjo _PB & Jam_

"An Ode To My Facial Hair" Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. _Making Friends At 40_

introduction, definitions, & historu

"The Man With The Weird Beard" Arthur Godfrey With The Too Fat Trio _Heap Big Smoke_

"Goatee" Joey Warren _Sin Alley! Volume Four - Filthy, Sleazey 50s Trash!_

"Weird Beard" Cindy Malone _Wild Sounds From An Overheated Jukebox_

"Beard (Excerpt)" George Carlin _FM & AM_

"Beard Lust" Natalie Portman's Shaved Head _Glistening Pleasure_

"The Pros & Cons Of Having A Beard" Jam On Bread _A Railcard Adventure_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by with some books about beards

"Beard On A Bike" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_

"Curly Beard" The Telephone Company _Panda Brain!_

"Baby, I Grew You A Beard" Neil Halstead _Oh! Mighty Engine_

"Let It Beard" Boston Spaceships _Let It Beard_

"Captain BlackBeard Did What?" Shel Silverstein _A Light In The Attic_

"Beard & Moustache" Vagabond Opera _Sing For Your Lives_

interview with The Magnificent Clark, who reads beards

"Got Me A Beard" The Beards _Having A Beard Is The New Not Having A Beard_

"Walt Whitman's Beard" The Spent Poets _The Spent Poets_

"The Beard Song" The Bandettes _Take Me Home_

"This Grey Beard" Bobby Blackhat _Put On Your Red Shoes_

"Daddy's Beard" Adam Sandler _100% Fresh_

"Big Beards (feat. Ceschi)" Spoken Nerd _Our Team Is Going To Win_

interview with Sebastian, who helps men get beards

"Beard" The Strines _Dog.Ger.El_

"She's The Beard" Caleb Nichols _Ramon_

"Beard Salesman" Monty Python _Monty Python's Life Of Brian (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)_

"Eyebrows & Beards" Exuma _Do Wah Nanny_

"Weird Beard & Black Wolf" The Kingsbury Manx _Bronze Age_

"Bourbon Beard" Silkworm _Italian Platinum_

conclusion & goodbye

"Beginnings Of A Beard" The Island Of Misfit Toys _Bear Hair_ 

"Fern Beard" The Submarines _Honeysuckle Weeks_

"Maggots In My Beard" Teriyakis _Pre-Literate: Post-Necessary_

Whither Beards?

(it's my beard, yo)

Tonight's show is about beards. It occurred to me I had never done a show about beards despite sporting a beard for a good deal of my adult life. The main reason I have a beard is laziness. I hate shaving, I can't imagine shaving daily, & even when I did shave regularly, I never shaved daily. But there's another big reason for me to always be bearded: my wife doesn't like me clean-shaven. Laziness + pleasing the wife = a beard I need to remember to trim every few weeks.

But this summer my wife is going overseas for research & I thought, hey, I can shave my beard off for the first time in several years. Just to do it. To remind myself how funny-looking I am without it. To let my face breathe a little for a few days. & that made me think that beards would be a good theme for the show.

Now it shall come to pass. Self Help Radio's show about beards airs tonight on KBOO from midnight to 2am. That's on 90.7fm in Portland & everywhere at kboo dot fm.

You won't need a beard to enjoy it, but that might help.

Preface To Beards: My First Beard

The theme of this week's Self Help Radio is beards. I don't know why but I really wanted to be able to grow a beard as soon as possible. It might have been that I hated shaving. I didn't like to shave. Anyway, here's a picture from late 1986 when I grew my first beard. I was 18 years old.

It's probably not fair to say my first beard. It was my first successful beard. I tried to grow a beard in the summer of 1985 & there were some beardlike patches of hair on my face, but thankfully I have no pictures of that. No one said a thing, but that's because most of the people in my life were unkind. Or maybe they did say something & I ignored them because I really wanted to have a beard.

One thing I remember about that first beard - I didn't know how to trim a beard & there was no one to advise me - no Youtube tutorials out there - so when it got a little uncomfortable, I shaved it off. & it was winter & it was fucking cold & I had no idea how well my beard had kept my face warm.

Here's another dumb memory: I ran into a guy I knew in high school, he was a year older than I was, we had had Latin class together. He saw me at the University Of Texas Student Union, sporting a beard, & he said, "Gary! What has college done to you?" I said, "Nothing I wouldn't have done anyway."

He looked at me thoughtfully & he said, "Good answer." He was that kind of guy.