Helping & Donateing Rules

Three years ago today, I snapped this picture in my neighborhood.  Where we live is more densely populated than anywhere we've lived before, & so while I'm sure there were some children (not many) in our neighborhood in Fort Worth, & definitely lots in our neighborhood in Lexington, there seems to be so many more in our neighborhood in Portland.  We are actually within walking distance of at least three schools, & we see signs of kiddos - toys, for example - as well as their creativity - lots of chalk art & writing on sidewalks - & things like this.

What is the context?  I don't know.  & I'm not sure I ever knew.  But it makes me wish my mother had given me a piece of poster board from time-to-time & told me I needed to write out some random rules.  I would've had a lot of fun.  & probably would have left it out on the sidewalk when I was done for some smart-ass with a camera to take a photograph of it.

Pig Graffiti

Voila!

So... This week's show was a continuation of the Indiepop A To Z series.  I began the series way back in 2005 (after an earlier attempt) & have now finished 69 episodes.  I haven't counted but I'll bet it's now hundreds of bands & songs.  & although you can find each episode on the Self Help Radio website linked on the "Table Of Contents" page, you can't easily access them - they really should be on their own page.

& truly I'd love to have that, & I have prepared the page, I just wanted to also link to all the shows.  I thought that maybe I didn't have recordings of all the shows, but it turns out that was wrong.  I do indeed.  All except the first show, & I don't even have the playlist for that for some reason.

It's been relatively easy copying the playlists into one document.  The big challenge has been finding the original recordings & then uploading them onto the web server.  Because I delete my files from there after about a year.

See, I had the notion to reveal, today, that very page - where all 69 episodes of Indiepop A To Z (except the first one) could be accessed.  But I now have to upload a lot of shows.  So I will have to work on that before I present that page.

Instead, have a picture of some pig graffiti I took under the highway early this year.  & stay tuned!

Self Help Radio 083022: Indiepop A To Z # 69

(all images from Discogs)

Some said it couldn't be done.  Others said it shouldn't be done.  Most didn't care one way or another.  But against all odds, or at least because I haven't died yet, Self Help Radio this week finished the letter P, managed to find a few bands & musicians in the letter Q, & began the letter R.  This was Indiepop A To Z # 69!

It's exactly what you think it is, so go listen at your leisure at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website.  If at the latter, please use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp for access.  You can download the show though if you want!

All the songs played are listed below in glorious alphabetical order (I hope)!

Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 69
"Nag Nag" Puffin _Medium Cool EP_
"Holiday" Pullover _A Gift From Sing-Sing_
"Common People" Pulp _Different Class_

"Jesus" The Pumpkin Fairies _Love Me_
"The Motorcycle Song" The Puncture Repair Kit _EardrumsPop 100_
"Century Of Time" Punky's Dilemma _Remote Sensing_
"Mirrors" Purdey _Mirrors_
"Aspidistra" Pure _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 3_

"Little Devil" The Purelove _King Pop_
"All My Happiness Is Gone" Purple Mountains _Purple Mountains_
"Not Fair" The Purple Tulips _Something's Burning In Paradise_
"That Girl" Pussy Crush _Tormenting The Emotionally Frail_
"Turn Her Down" The Pussywillows _Spring Fever!_

"Hot Bed" Pussycat Trash _Plink Plonk Pink Punk_
"Crazy" Pylon _Chomp_

"California" Quasi _Featuring "Birds"_
"Take It All Back" The Quentins _Take It All Back_
"Crumbling Town" Queue Dance _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Volume 9_

"Bluebird" The Quiet Hearts _Between Two Waves: The Second Wave_
"Ringing In My Ears" Quigley _A Kind Of Loving EP_
"Stupid Thing" Paul Quinn & The Independent Group _Stupid Thing_
"Once Upon A Day" Quinn The Eskimo _The Mountain Is A Dandy_

"Postpartum & The Albatross" Rabbit In Red _Rabbit In Red_
"Coming Like Summer" Rabbits Wedding _Coming Like Summer_
"Shanghaied!" Racecar _LemonLime Volume Two...A Pop Compilation_
"Let Go" The Radio Arts _This Morning Makes Me Okey_
"Brilliant Books" Radio Bangkok _Brilliant Books_

"The Worst Taste In Music" The Radio Dept. _Pet Grief_
"Falling Into Darkness" Radio Ghosts _Messthetics # 105: DIY 77-81 Scotland I_
"Logstar" Radioflyer _Millefeuille_
"Last Matinee" Radiolaria _The Last Matinee_
"Student Wiccans" Radstewart _Wiccans & Beatlemancers_

"SPF-100" Ragazzi _Little Darla Has A Treat For You Volume 3, Spring 1996_
"Orange Juice Star" Raggedy Ann _Periscope: Another Yoyo Compilation_
"Brighter" The Railway Children _Reunion Wilderness_
"Tom Paine" The Rain _To The Citadel_
"Carolyn's Song" Rain Parade _Emergency Third Rail Power Trip_

"Bad Luck" Rain Refrain _Bad Luck_
"Fairytale In The Supermarket" The Raincoats _The Raincoats_
"Is That Yoo?" Raining Pleasure _Try A Little Sunshine: A Greek Indiepop Compilation_
"Just An Idea" The Rainkings _Sictransitgloriaswanson EP_
"Cool Forever" The Rainpals _A New Day_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 69?

(In the name of twee, please enjoy this unbearably cute cartoon by Liz Climo.)

Ah yes, it has been four months (give or take a week) since the last installment of my never-ending series, Indiepop A To Z.  I have had five full episodes (& one partial episode) covering the letter P, & am happy to announce we will have covered it as well as I can by tonight.  I expect to be able to spend nearly the same amount of time on the letter Q.

Kidding!  I think I have like nine bands.  There are of course more than nine bands (& artists) out there whose names (last names in the case of artists) start with the letter Q (there's even a 1970s disco group called Q) but I didn't think they were influential to or part of the genre of indiepop.  Sorry fans of ? & The Mysterians!  Sorry fans of Quando Quango!

One thing I have done, which I reveal on Friday, is made good on a promise I made maybe a year ago, maybe a few months ago, but I'll say more at the end of the week.

In the meantime, enjoy the last of the indiepop Ps - Puffin to Pylon - a few indiepop Qs, & the beginning of the indiepop Rs.  That will happen tonight on 90.7fm KBOO Portland from midnight to 3am.  If you're not in our signal range, you can listen online at kboo.fm.  It will only sometimes be as cute as that cartoon above.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 69: Under Construction

(Image from here.)

It's strange, I was starting to feel nostalgic for those "under construction" signs that used to be on every damn website in the very early days of the Web.  Then I saw the image above.  They're so awful!

What I was missing was an image I used to use which I got from an old psychology textbook which showed an old building with holes in the windows.  I probably just used Photoshop to put "under construction" on the image, but it appeared mainly on the KVRX website, which I maintained in the mid-1990s.  However, I never backed up that site, & that image is probably gone forever.  Or else I named it something else & can't find it now.

Darn it, I just thought I could find it with a different name but couldn't!

The reason I thought about this is that at one point, maybe earlier this year, I promised I would make a stand-alone page with all the Indiepop A To Z shows on it, & I'd re-upload all the episodes as well (the ones I've digitized).  But of course I didn't get to that today.  I probably did more, unimportant things.  I might be able to get to it tomorrow?

But there's no space for it currently on the Self Help Radio website, so there's no "under construction" image.  Wow, I can't believe how terrible all of those are.  Thankfully none of them are animated gifs!

August 27th Is Weird

It's been about eight years since I happened upon a digital camera & started taking pictures when I was out & about.  I've had no illusions that I was creating art or collecting historical data or whatever.  I was just taking pictures of things I was interested or amused by, & also lots of pictures of my pets, whom I love more than anything else.

Here's something strange: I took almost no pictures on August 27th. Or, maybe, I should rephrase that. If I took a lot of pictures on August 27th, from 2014 to 2021, I didn't save many of them.  Here is one of the few that I have saved:

It's from last year, & of course the context is the fact that for a couple of year right-wing fucknuts kept coming to Portland to - I dunno, "protest"? - cause problems? - who the fuck knows why they showed up.  I was never around any of these situations - didn't attend protests, didn't attempt to stop demonstrations. 

But though I realize it's futile, I am glad some people showed up & stood up to them.

That's an existentialist position, isn't it.

Perhaps it's that it's the end of the summer, perhaps I was simply not inspired for year after year, but for whatever reason, I don't take a lot of pictures on this date.  Except!  Spoiler alert!  I went for a walk in a new neighborhood tonight & took lots of pictures.  Maybe next year I'll share them.  Maybe it'll break whatever losing streak this is.  If it is.

Plans Are Like Pants

(image from here)

One of the almost certainly not amusing things I do is often deliberately confuse the words "plans" & "pants."  Like, I'll say, "I have no pants for the weekend."  Or I'll sing that Close Lobsters song* incorrectly, "Let's make some pants 'cause they can go wrong."  Oddly enough, I don't change the word "plans" for "pants."  Like, I don't say, "I spilled mustard all over my plans."  It's always "pants" for "plans."

Since I overthink most things, I was beginning to overthink this, probably after my wife stared blankly at me when I said "pants" instead of "plans," as in, "What are your pants for the weekend?"  I understood that I might not use that construction often enough for it to become familiar & even possibly endearing to her, so I explained what I meant, & she continued to start blankly at me.  But since I am used to being ignored by her (& nearly everyone else), I began to wonder (or "overthink") if I thought this dumb thing up myself or if I heard it first somewhere else.

To the search engine!  I wrote, "plans are like pants" & I got - well, I got the image above.

It's a quote from Blackadder II, episode 1.  It was said by Rik Mayall's character, Flashheart.  You can hear & see him deliver it right here.  Blackadder is a show I've watched multiple times (well, I've only watched the first season once, I didn't enjoy it that much, but the other seasons multiple times) so I have probably heard that line & laughed at it a lot.

Did it inspire my not amusing & even dumb sometimes habit of confusing the words "pants" & "plans"?  Is it fair to blame such a thing on an innocent television show from more than thirty years ago?  Isn't it a bit disrespectful of the memory of the great Rik Mayall?  To go backwards - it's certainly disrespectful, but it seems somewhat likely & I'll say that maybe it was a factor in me saying this dumb thing.

Anyway.  What are you pants for the weekend?

* I want to point out that at least one lyrics site - genius.com - has the line as "Let's make some plans 'cause they can't go wrong."  Maybe those are the correct lyrics.  But they make much more sense if they're "Let's make some plans 'cause they can go wrong."  The act of planning often helps lessen the chances of something going wrong, but it also increases the chance of something you hadn't thought of going wrong.  It seems to make much more sense to me to make plans knowing full well that they can go wrong instead of making them because you think the planning will therefore be free from any problems.  Anyway, if someone knows a Close Lobster, please tell them not to contradict me.  & add: This is what you get for not including lyrics sheets in your albums!

Self Help Radio 082322: Turquoise

(original image here.)

Here it is. A radio show about turquoise. Which is a mineral which is prized as a gem which gives its name to a color. When I was a child in the late 1970s, turquoise was quite the fashion - I seem to remember not only seeing some pieces in my mom's room but many more in the convenience store where she worked. I don't see it that much anymore. I had hoped the show might encourage listeners to come to the station & leave turquoise offerings to me. Alas, that did not happen.

What did happen was lots of turquoise songs & lots of turquoise conversations with some funny people pretending to be other people. Three hours of songs & interviews. Seriously, that should've encouraged at least one generous jeweler to drop a ring in the KBOO mailslot. Why didn't it?!?

The show is available to be listened to now & whenever (turquoise accoutrement not required but strongly encouraged) at both the KBOO web page & at the Self Help Radio website. You know at the show's website, you need a username & a password, right? Those are SHR & selfhelp respectively. It may seem like a pain but you can download the show there. Yay?  Everything that happened on the show is below.

Please enjoy. & I'll still gladly take any turquoise off your hands. I love it!

Self Help Radio Turquoise Show

"Turquoise" Ken Nordine _Colors: A Sensuous Listening Experience_

"Turquoise" Donovan _Fairytale_

"Turquoise" Gaze _Mitsumeru_

introduction & definitions

"Turquoise" The Rooks _The Quill Records Story (The Best Of Chicago Garage Bands)_

"Turquoise Tandem Cycle" Jason Crest _A Place In The Sun: The Complete Jason Crest_

"On A Turquoise Cloud" Duke Ellington & His Orchestra _The Duke Ellington Carnegie Hall Concerts, December, 1947_

"Turquoise Boy" Sonic Youth _Rather Ripped_

"Turquoise Hand" Death Of Samantha _Strung Out On Jargon_

interview with turquoise vendor Billy Gilmore

"Turquoise Days (John Peel Session)" Echo & The Bunnymen _The John Peel Sessions 1979-1983_

"Les Yeux Turquoise" Manu Chao _Siberie M'Etait Contéee_

"Turquoise" Calexico _El Mirador_

"Lady Of Turquoise" Cary Grace _Lady Of Turquoise_

"Turquoise Fins" Pere Ubu _Ray Gun Suitcase_

interview with transformative life coach JT Grounded

"Living In The Future" John Prine _Storm Windows_

"Turquoise Jewelry" Camper Van Beethoven _Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart_

"Man On A Turquoise Cloud (For Edward Kennedy Ellington)" Anthony Davis _Lady Of The Mirrors_

"Does Turquoise Work?" Eleanor Friedburger _New View_

"Turquoise Walls" Laura Veirs _My Echo_

interview with Major General Bettina Calvin, founder of Turquoise Squad

"Turquoise Blue" The Incredible String Band _No Ruinous Feud_

"Turquoise Blue" Mutton Gun _Mutton Gun III (With Wood)_

"Turquoise Blue" Marc Ford _Holy Ghost_

"Rosanna's Turquoise" Trio Globo _Carnival Of Souls_

"Turquoise Island" Axiom Of Choice _Unfolding_

interview with musician Philip Kind

"Turquoise" Babe Ruth _Babe Ruth_

"Dancing Through The Turquoise" Alex Izenberg _Caravan Château_

"Turquoise" Sam Rivers _Hues_

"Turquoise & Blue" Anjali _Anjali_

"Turquoise Dream" Sparta _Trust The River_

interview with entrepreneur Telly Fibs

"Turquoise" The Pansies _Purple Red Indigo Blue_

"The Turqoise Castle" The Dentists _Dressed_

"Turquoise House" Jim White _Transnormal Skiperoo_

"White Turquoise" Jonathan Wilson _Frankie Ray_

"Turquoise Lake" Ohbijou _Metal Meets_

conclusion & goodbye

"Turquoise Hexagon Sun" Boards Of Canada _Music Has The Right To Children_

"Turquoise" Paul Bley _Sweet Time_

Whither Turquoise?

(image from here.)

The story of a turquoise radio show is a bit circuitous but perhaps it's interesting. It begins with a memory & an unwritten policy of this dumb show.

In general, I hate general themes. Many have asked me to do shows about things like "cars" or "cities." & all that I can see is the hours before me listening to endless songs that could fit that theme. I know I don't have to do that, but I would feel weird if I just picked, you know, a couple hours of my favorite car or city songs. I want to make a diverse show & discover music too! Besides, every general theme can be broken into many more specific themes.

But occasionally something happens & I am stuck with a general theme. A few years ago, someone asked me very sweetly if I could do a show about the color green. I said sure. I kinda cheated though - I crowdsourced the songs by asking friends of mine on Facebook (half of which are deejays) to pick their favorite "green" song.  This was the result. It made the listener happy, my deejays friends got to program a show, & I didn't have to listen to three thousand green songs.

A few weeks ago, flashing on this memory (which it turns out happened almost exactly four years ago!), I wondered if there were a color which for whatever reason did not lend itself to too many songs. & for some reason I thought about turquoise. It might have been because I was listening to Heaven Up Here. In any event I settled on turquoise & began to gather tunes.

The results of that musical foraging happen tonight on KBOO from midnight to 3am. That'll be on 90.7 fm here in Portland & everywhere at kboo.fm. I guess it's Pacific time. I don't specify that enough. But it's the middle of the night pretty much everywhere in the country so what the hell.

Preface To Turquoise: Has This Ever Happened Before?

(image from here.)

This week's Self Help Radio has the theme turquoise. But why? I'll tell you that tomorrow.

Something interesting has happened however while I have been gathering songs about turquoise & turquoise things.  I have found, in almost equal number, both vocal tracks & instrumentals.  Um.  Okay.  But why is it interesting?

It's common for me these days to put instrumental tracks under my voice during airbreaks.  Usually I reserve them therefore for that.  I guess there's also a part of me that's always felt, for a theme-based show, that an instrumental is kind of cheating.  Is a song entitled "turquoise" about turquoise? I'm the sure the writer of the song would think that, but if the song has a singer going on & on about turquoise, it feels to me like that song is more about turquoise than the instrumental song.

But this turn of events feels unprecedented - I mean, I could fill more than half the show with instrumentals tomorrow! & certainly with some of the jazz tracks, they're songs I like as much as the ones with vocals. I can't say if this has happened before. I wonder what it is about turquoise that lends itself to more wordless songs than perhaps any other color?

So what I'm going to have to do is incorporate more instrumentals into tomorrow's show. Half of the songs I've found would otherwise be left behind! & that would be unfair.

Where We Met

(All images on this page courtesy of Gurple Merps)

On this day in 2001, twenty-one years ago, at a bus stop at Duval & 48th in Austin, Texas, I met the woman I would marry.  It was a very hot day & there was a small tree at the corner which we stood under to find relief from the oppressive sun.  She talked to me.  I talked to her.  We rode the bus to the University together - I worked there, she was a graduate student there.  We had no idea that we had a future together.

Unfortunately there are no pictures online of that little tree, but Gurgla Marps has pictures that go back to 2007.  That's the picture above.  Come with me, let's look how that corner has changed.

By 2009, the year we left Austin, the tree was large & gorgeous.  If there had been that much shade on that day in 2001, I wouldn't have stood that close to her, & we may never have spoken.

It charms me that in March 2011, when this picture was taken, there is a couple sitting there.  Maybe they met there too?

In May of 2013, the tree is serving as shade to a bunch of folks doubtless going to school.  I am sad to see that the folks in the house have abandoned their ostentatious cacti in the front.  I liked those.

In October 2014, the corner seemed completely happy to have that wonderful tree standing guard & looking majestic there.  But...

By August 2016, it was gone.  You can see the stump, it must have happened relatively close to when this picture was taken.  I guess it lived maybe sixteen years?  Was it just cut down?  Did some weather event cause it to break & possibly endanger someone?  I don't know.

Here's the corner in May 2018.  The yard looks zeroscaped, & the corner looks quite bare.

A little under a year later, February 2019, & it's downright bleak.  I used to joke with the woman who's now my wife that as the tree grew, our love too would grow.  I guess it's nice we didn't know it was chopped down while we were in Kentucky!

February 2021.  Grim, lonesome, sterile.

April of this year.  The wife & I just talked about how maybe the owners took down the tree to discourage people from waiting at that particular bus stop, if there were more trees at the other nearer spots.  I of course can't say.  But I find it weird that anyone would chop down a tree in its prime.  & I'm glad the little tree under which I met my love grew as beautiful as it did.  It certainly encouraged us when it was small.

Wasting Time At The Movies

(image from the IMDb)

Did you know that on lucky weeks Self Help Radio's resident cinephile Chuck stops by to talk about movies related to the week's theme?  It's true!  This past week, on the show about "wasting time," I challenged him to share with us some films about time travel (arguably a "waste" of time) & he responded with several films that he enjoyed which were perhaps lesser-known.

If you didn't listen, his was the first interview on the show, & you can find it at both the Self Help Radio website & at the KBOO website.  Then check out the following links!

Here's the IMDb keyword list he organized his viewing around.

Here is a Letterboxd list of the films he watched (which you may notice contains many of the same links I'm going to share here because I am fond of redundancy).  His Letterboxd reviews are here.

Want to see some of these movies?  Check out Chuck's YouTube playlist as well as the IMDb list of films you can stream elsewhere for free.

& to keep up with what Chuck is watching, please follow him on Twitter.  Real time commentary & reviews!

Never say Self Help Radio doesn't give you plenty of ways to waste your time!

Self Help Radio 081622: Wasting Time

We at Self Help Radio know that the world is designed to maximize the amount of time you can waste at any given moment.  With that in mind, with our show about "wasting time," we have chosen both music & interviews which on the surface may not seem as much a waste of time as you have come to expect from this show but which, when taken with the show in toto, represent a more profound waste of time than usual, perhaps too much of a waste of time, one that might cause one to reconsider one's entire life &/or seek out a new therapist.

We certainly hope, if a sincere attempt at time-wasting is what you are looking for, this one is as wasteful as your expectations of it.  If not, at least it was a waste of time, even if it wasn't the wastiest waste of time imaginable.  Reality television has everyone beaten in that competition.

Listen to this show - which I'm not kidding is quite a waste of time - at either the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website.  At the Self Help Radio website, you'll need a username (which is SHR) & a password (which is selfhelp) but you can download the show to waste your time when you don't have an internet connection.  What happens on the show is below.

Self Help Radio Wasting Time Show

"Wasting Time" Jackie Ross _Jerk & Twine: The Complete Chess Recordings_

"Wasting Time" James Phelps _Windy City Soul_

"Wasting Time" Tashaki Miyaki _Castaway_

introduction & definitions

"Wasted Time" Meshell Ndegéocello _Bitter_

"Time Wasted" Banditos _Right On_

"Wasted Time" Best Coast _California Nights_

"Wasted Time" Idle Bloom _Flood The Dial_

"Time Wasted" Shopping _Why Choose_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by the talk time travel movies

"Wasting My Time With You" The Lodger _Cul-De-Sac Of Love_

"Wasting Time" Reading Rainbow _Prism Eyes_

"Wasting My Time" Klaus Nomi _Klaus Nomi_

"Wasting Time" Juliana Hatfield _There's Always Another Girl_

"Why Did You Waste My Time" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _The Whamee 1953-55_

interview with performance artist Jay Arvis

"Sin Of Wasting Time" Zander Schloss _Song About Songs_

"Waste Your Time" Jackson+Sellers _Breaking Point_

"I Wanna Waste My Time On You" The Crookes _Lucky Ones_

"I'm Just Wasting My Time" J.D. Short _The Sonet Blues Story: A Last Legacy Of Blues From A Pioneer Delta Singer_

"I Ain't Gonna Waste My Time" Wiley Barkdull _Hillbilly Rock_

interview with author Dan Spock about his book Wasting Time In Fandom

"I'm Wasting Your Time & You're Wasting Mine" Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton _Porter Wayne & Dolly Rebecca_

"Waste Of Time (feat. Therese Johansson)" Elias & The Wizzkids _Just Do It!_

"Time's A Wasting" The Fuller Brothers _The Golden Torch Story (A Collection Of 30 Classic Northern Soul Shakers)_

"Time Wasting" Baby Charles _Soulshaker Vol. 5_

"Am I Wasting My Time" Eli "Paperboy" Reed & The True Loves _Roll With You_

interview with heavy metal guy Robin Shank about his Youtube series "Wasted Time"

"Don't Waste My Time" The Sinceres _The Deepest Soul_

"Wastin' My Time" Creation _Creation_

"Baby, Baby Don't Waste My Time" Gladys Knight & The Pips _Touch_

"Don't Waste My Time" Jerry Washington _The Northern Soul Of Miami_

"I Love Wastin' Time With You" The Brecker Brothers _Back To Back_

interview with columnist Millicent Post about her book Don't Waste Time

"Don't Waste My Time" The Daughters Of Eve _Girls In The Garage Vol. 1_

"Waste Of Time" The Turncoats _The Fridge Freezer EP_

"Why Waste Time" Caramel _Punkpopgaragemods_

"Waste Of Time" Dropper _Don't Talk To Me_

"The Time You Wasted" Chicpeas _Summerbaby EP_

conclusion & goodbye

"Don't Waste Your Time" The Five Stairsteps _The Five Stairsteps_

"Waste Of Time" Eddie Spaghetti _The Value Of Nothing_

"Don't Waste My Time" Cy Dune _Against Face_

"Wasting Time" The Glazzies _Kill Me Kindly_

Whither Wasting Time?

(image from here)

Self Help Radio's theme this week is "wasting time."  Is it because listening to Self Help Radio is a waste of time?  Or is it because in general listening to the radio is a waste of time?  Could it be that listening itself is a waste of time, what with all the thoughts that consume you that demand your complete attention?

Further, what possibly can be accomplished listening a show about wasting time?  Isn't that by definition wasting time?  Aren't we at this moment wasting time just talking about wasting time, promoting something that promises to focus exclusively on wasting time?  Do we have the time to waste wasting time on something that's going to be three hours of wasting time?

Please waste your time answering all seven questions above in "short response" format - no more than a paragraph please - & have your papers ready to turn in when the show airs, tonight from midnight to 3am, on 90.7fm in Portland, & online at kboo.fm.  We will accept your assignments no later than 2:50am.  & as for grades, well, I probably won't waste time grading them.  Sorry.

Preface To Wasting Time: Top Wastes Of Time

(Wish I knew where I found this! Schulz would not be pleased.)

We conducted an informal poll amongst ourselves, my pets & I, to determine things we do that are a waste of time.  These are they, in no particular order, because it was hard enough agreeing on the whole thing with them, I didn't dare try to rank them.

The first two: Interacting with the cats (say the dogs)/Tolerating the dogs (say the cats).

They're mortal enemies & pretending anything different is, according to them, a waste of time.

Next: trying to get one's life organized.

What a waste of time!  Just put post-it notes everywhere & hope they don't fly away.  Spending hours each week to organize an online calendar is a waste of time.  The pets ask me what time is, anyway.

Next: doing anything other than eating meals.

It was unanimous that the time spent between eating, sometimes including sleep, is a waste of time.  I am aware that if I ate all the time, it would lead me to be even more unhealthy than I already am, so I do my best not to eat all the time, but this logic is lost on the animals.  Who tell me at the moment they are fucking hungry.

Plus: making radio shows.

Yes, I have fun doing this, but virtually no one listens to the radio shows I make, & almost certainly they find when they listen it's a waste of time, so naturally I am wasting an extraordinary amount of time putting these fuckers together.

Penultimately: writing in this blog.

If no one listens to my shows, a negative amount of people don't read this blog.  It's true!  No one has read my last two entries.  Perhaps no one will read this one.  It certainly feels like a waste of time.

Finally: everything but eating & sleeping.

The animals talked it over, & they've decided that everything but eating & sleeping is a waste of time.  So I need to feed them now because they need their twelve hours' beauty sleep.

The Welcome Back

On August 13, 2016, we'd been back in Texas for less than two weeks.  It had not been a happy return - my wife hated the house we rented & we were unaccustomed to the heat - the high on August 13, 2016 (which was also a Saturday) was 95 degrees.  We had gotten into the habit of waking early to walk the dogs before the heat became too punishing - & the concrete too hot for their delicate paws.

But one thing I noticed - even more than in Kentucky - was the gun culture.  Not only would I see more people carrying guns - you know, in holsters, on their belts - but there were constant threats of gun violence, like the one above, taken on this day in 2016 - it's trying to be cutesy, but it's actually terrifying.  "We don't call 911."  Not even if someone in the house is having a health emergency?  You just shoot them?

We were both hopeful things would work out in Texas.  I was hoping to help a little with my mother, who was still living alone.  My wife was hoping she'd enjoy her new department.  We both were glad to leave Kentucky, a place which we enjoyed living in but was, you know, Kentucky.  We were willing to try.  & to be fair, we gave it almost three years.  Fort Worth did not deserve three years of my life.

Spring Was Lovely This Year

Over on my personal Facebook page but also on the Self Help Radio Tumblr I've been sharing some of the lovely pictures of spring that I took this year.  It's a bit dry in Portland town these days, it's nice to go back & see some of the pretty things that populated my walks starting in late February.  Enjoy a few of these:

Maybe more soon?

Self Help Radio 080922: Attics

What might happen on a radio show about attics?  I mean, you know, besides all the songs about attics?  Might a phrogger be hiding in the attic above?  Might someone who cleans attics send you some cookies (ginger snaps)?  Might a friend living alone in an attic suddenly seem hopelessly out of reach?  Might a ghost call in?  Might a slam poet slam?  Might these things happen?  Might they?

Or is it "may"?  I can never remember.

Self Help Radio had a show about attics this Tuesday morning.  Sadly, it wasn't programmed from an attic.  But it was as if it had been programmed from an attic.  So.  There's that.

You can listen now at the KBOO website.  You can listen & also download the show at the Self Help Radio website.  Remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp.  Nearly everything that happened on the show is listed below.  Now.  Where's that ladder?  Hey!  Someone took the attic ladder!

Self Help Radio Attics Show

"The Attic" Woo _Whichever Way You Are Going, You Are Going Wrong_

"Attic" Swoon 23 _The Legendary Ether Pony_

"The Attic" Paul Weller _Sonik Kicks_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"With My Daddy In The Attic" Dory Previn _On My Way To Where_

"Problem Attics" The Gist _Embrace The Herd_

"Attic Room" Casiotone For The Painfully Alone _Twinkle Echo_

"Attic" Furry Things _The Big Saturday Illusion_

"The Attic" In Camera _13 (Lucky For Some)_

interview with attic cleaner Marybeth Campbell

"Attic Of My Mind" Deanna & The Here & Now Singers _Isolation_

"I'm A Dirty Attic" Cate Le Bon _Crab Day_

"Attic" Talking About Flying _Shipwreck Day (A Knw-Yr-Own Compilation)_

"Flowers In The Attic" The Jezabels _Synthia_

"Hero In Attic" R. Stevie Moore _State Of Affairs_

interview with phrogging expert Qourtney

"She Means Everything To Me" Louis Philippe _A Kiss In The Funhouse_

"Rats In The Attic" Juliana Hatfield _Made In China_

"Toys In The Attic" R.E.M. _Dead Letter Office_

"Attics" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_

"In The Attic" Attrition _Demonstro: 1982-85_

interview with attic show promoter Jarvis Giorgio

"The Attic" Van Dyke Parks _Song Cycle_

"Attic Plan" The Pastels _Illumination_

"The Attic Walk" Adventures In Stereo _Adventures In Stereo_

"Devil In The Attic (feat. MC Chris)" MC Frontalot _Question Bedtime_

"In Hope Of Witchless Attics" Alias _Habitat_

interview with my friend Chad

"Toys In The Attic (feat. The Paulette Sisters)" Dennis Regor _Toys In The Attic_

"In The Attic" Wendy Flower _New_

"The Attic" The Marshmallow Ghosts _The Marshmallow Ghosts_

"Pigeons In The Attic Room" Everything But The Girl _Like The Deserts Miss The Rain_

"Expensive Attic" June Panic _Hope You Fail Better_

interview with attic realtor Louis Zahn

"Toys In Her Attic" The King's English _Psychedelic States: Ohio In The 60s Vol. 1_

"Attic" Arcwelder _Xerxes_

"Mrs. Vaughn's Attic" Steve Cook _The Haunting Of Northwest Michigan_

"Into The Attic" Run On _On/Off_

"Parent's Attic" Carnivores _If I'm Ancient_

conclusion & goodbye

"Attic Lights" Atlas Sound _Logos_

"A Light In The Attic" Shel Silverstein _A Light In The Attic_

"Attic Fan" The ACBs _Little Leaves_

"The Attic" Smile Smile _Truth On Tape_

"Attic" Harrys Gym _Harrys Gym_

Whither Attics?

Attics are delightful & creepy. They're mysterious & a bit frightening. I wish I had grown up with an attic to play in. & I wish at some point, like in college, I had lived in an attic that was drafty in the winter & stifling in the summer.  Chatterton died in an attic, you know.

The reason for doing an attic show is because I felt it was time to return to a place - I had enjoyed making the apartment show I did a couple months back - & specifically I wondered - were there lots of songs about attics?  Plus, I had already done a show about basements a couple of years ago.

Are there enough songs about attics to fill a three hour show?  Are there interesting people I can talk to about attics as well?  Is there someone locked in an attic who needs a show about attics right now?  I can't answer the last question, but for the first two, find out tonight from midnight to 3am on 90.7fm in Portland & online everywhere at kboo.fm.  Just watch out for the cobwebs.  & did you hear something squeak?

Preface To Attics: I Once Had An Attic

& it looked like that.

This was when we lived in Huntington, West Virginia, from the summer of 2009 to the summer of 2010.  It was quite a big attic - it was used by the previous owners as a family room - basically it was the third floor of the house - but as you can see, it had a wall unit for air conditioning & as far as I can remember no heating.  Plus, you know, it was the third floor of the house.  I stored my records & CDs up there & it was a fucking pain to climb two flights of stairs to get to them.  & I don't think the wi-fi worked up there either.

Initially, though, it felt kinda cool to have an attic.  I might have liked it more if I had been a kid & it was my room.

One thing, though: I'm glad it was free of bats & spiders & all that.  That might mean it wasn't quite a proper attic, but as probably the only attic I'll ever have in my lifetime, that suits me fine.