Self Help Radio 072826: Alibis

Here is Self Help Radio's show about alibis. It's not an alibi. I guess it could be an alibi. You could say, "I didn't do it, I was listening to Self Help Radio!" But who would believe that?

The show has lots of songs about alibis, a talk with a fellow who runs a business called Alibis Inc., a talk with a person who owns a club called Alibis, & a telephone interruptions. Among other things. It's a two hour radio show! Maybe something of interest happens!

You can listen to the show over at the KBOO web page & also at the Self Help Radio web page. The things that happen on the show are listed below.

Hm, it seems to me now that the alibi show could probably only be a good alibi for me...

Self Help Radio Alibis Show

"Baby What's Your Alibi" Nellie Lutcher _The Best Of Nellie Lutcher_

"Bye, Bye, Alibi Baby" The Delta Rhythm Boys _Jump & Jive 'Til One O'Clock - Anthology - Volume 2 (1947 - 1950)_

"Alibi" Annette Bard _Carol Connors 1960-1965_

introduction & definitions

"Alibi" Tompall & The Glaser Brothers _This Land_

"Your Alibi Called Today" Norma Jean _Jackson Ain't A Very Big Town_

"I Need Money (Keep Your Alibis)" Slim Harpo _The Best Of Slim Harpo_

"Alibis" The Bards _Fort Worth Teen Scene Volume Two_

"You Don't Have To Alibi" Rodd Keith _My Pipe Yellow Dream_

interview with entrepreneur Troy Warren

"Has Anybody Got An Alibi" The Professionals _I Didn't See It Coming_

"Alibi" The Fools _Heavy Mental_

"The Alibi (The Station's Full Of Pipes)" Fun Boy Three _The Complete Fun Boy Three_

"Alibi Room" Martha & The Muffins _Mystery Walk_

"No Alibi" Eric Clapton _Journeyman_

interview with club owner Sidney Queen

a caller interrupts!

"Alibi" Elvis Costello _When I Was Cruel_

"My Alibi" Lloyd Cole _Music In A Foreign Language_

"I'll Be Your Alibi" Darren Hayman & The Secondary Modern _Essex Arms_

"Alibi" Mecca Normal _Sitting On Snaps_

"An Alibi" Wire _Silver/Lead_

interview with club owner Sidney Queen

"Signals & Alibis" Curve _The New Adventures Of Curve_

"Alibi" Lowtide _Southern Mind_

"Brahm's Alibi" Spike Jones _Dinner Music (For People Who Aren't Very Hungry)_

"Lies & Alibis" Lovage _Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By_

"No Alibi" The Roots _Illadelph Halflife_

conclusion & goodbye

"Alibi" Robert Francis _Strangers In The First Place_

"Alibi" Hurray For The Riff Raff _The Past Is Still Alive_

Whither Alibis?

(There will be not discussion about the 1931 film. Title card found here.)

So yeah I kinda sorta gave away the reason for this theme yesterday, when I talked about the Kinsey Millhone series of detective books by Sue Grafton, the first of which is A Is For Alibi. I was so charmed by the series that I read the first four books in succession, stopping only because I thought I should read some other books in-between. But looking at the cover of the first installment one day I wondered to myself if there were enough songs about alibis to do a radio show about them. & boy were there!

In my own experience, I don't think I've ever really had to establish an alibi for something - or had to have an alibi to prove I was innocent. The closest I probably came was when I spoke to fire inspectors for the KOOP fire of 2008, which was arson. I never thought I had to establish an alibi because I didn't do it, & anyway, they never asked me about my whereabouts on the night in question nor did they (as far as I know) do any investigating related to me. From what I understand, they asked questions of everyone about the space & they had four or five facts that only the arsonist would have known, & I didn't know any of them. I didn't need an alibi!

Also you don't need an alibi when you forget to listen - I understand! The show is on quite late! It's happening tonight from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland & everywhere at kboo dot fm. & if, as many believe, the show is a crime, I have no alibi - I'm there every damn week.

Preface To Alibis: A Is For Alibi

(image from Goodreads)

This is a book I recently read. I have been trying to read more women writers (it's my goal to only read women writers this year) but was missing reading mystery books. I'm a big fan of mystery books even though I honestly have no interest in solving mysteries. I just want to like the person who solves the mystery. I adored Sherlock Holmes & Ellery Queen. I fucking love Columbo. I am charmed by Ellsbeth & the character Natasha Lyonne plays in Poker Face. It's fun to watch them gather clues but I am easily distracted & am not doing the same. So I am unsure whether Sue Grafton's Kinsey Millhone books are good mystery books.

What I do love is the character, & especially the way she goes about solving her mysteries. She interacts with people in a very specific way - including lots of women, which doesn't happen in many of the mystery books I've read. I had to stop to read something else after I tore through the first four books of the series. I was sad to discover that Grafton kept the series in the 1980s where she started them - I would have wanted to see Kinsey grow older.

My sister Karin, who is much more of a connoisseur of mystery books than I am, said she couldn't get into this series. But she told me my older sister Pat, who also loved these kinds of books & whom we lost over a decade ago, read them all. Maybe I will get a chance to do that too.

Is the book the reason for this week's theme? I'll tell you tomorrow.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Aunt & Uncle Day

The picture above is of my mother with my oldest brother, she's on the right, with her sister, my aunt, on the left with her son. Both women are aunts. Only one of them was my aunt.

Dick Dickenbock has many nephews & nieces, but did not get a picture of them in time for me to post for this blog entry. "Google them!" he bellowed at me, although I did tell him it's very difficult to find usable photos when one of the terms in the search engine is "Dick."

Sunday, July 26, is National Aunt & Uncle Day. We'll report on those familial roles, have commentary, film recommendations, & of course musical reports.

That tomorrow only on XRAY. 11am to 1pm, 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help: July 17 19 + 21

A slightly busier than usual week.

July 17 the Songcircle on KBOO. New releases. Listen here.

July 19 the Dickenbock Report on XRAY. A show about 1926. Listen here.

July 21 Self Help Radio on KBOO. A show about corruption. Listen here. Or listen here.

July 21 Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO. New releases. Listen here (after Self Help Radio). Or listen here.

Not gonna make a big deal of it, anyway.

Self Help Radio 072126: Corruption

Inspired by actual events! I don't get to do that much these days. I mean, my shows are inspired by things I myself come across, but not necessarily by an entire political party looking the other way while its leader loots his followers & his country with impunity. Well, with impunity for now. It's hard to believe justice will be served on these jackals but hope springs eternal.

The show had lots of songs about corruption that predate our current situation. Though in many cases it sounds the same. The stench of corruption had always been particularly awful & hasn't varied much. I can't wait for the songs about this horrifying era.

If you can handle it, you can listen to the show at the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. Most of what happens on the show is listed below. Listening to the show won't affect you - anyway, I know you're incorruptible.

Self Help Radio Corruption Show

"Corruption" Illusion Of Safety _Inside Agitator_

"Corrupt & Immoral" Headphonics _Evolution Of Funk_

"Age Of Corruption" Alan Klein _Gathered From Coincidence: The British Folk-Pop Sound Of 1965-66_

"Small Town Editor: Corrupt Mayor" Bob & Ray _Classic Bob & Ray, Volume Two - Selections From A Career: 1946-1976_

"Corruption Is The Thing" Creations Unlimited _Eccentric Funk_

"Corruption (Man's Self Destruction)" The Escorts _3 Down 4 To Go_

"Corruption" The Charades _Corruption_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by!

"Money & Corruption" The Kinks _Preservation Act 1_

"Corruption" Iggy Pop _Avenue B_

"You're Corrupt" Modern English _Take Me To The Trees_

"Corrupt (Knuckle Up)" Dälek _Abandoned Language_

"Capital Corruption" Mad Dukez + Fresh Kils _Gettin' Gatsby_

a phone call with a request interrupts the show!

"Ecstasy" New Order _Power, Corruption, & Lies_

"The Corruption Of Granola" Jim Gaffigan _The Last Supper_

"Corruption" Thomas Mapfumo & The Blacks Unlimited _Corruption_

"Stop Corruption (Gyae Corruption)" Aaron Bebe Sukura & The Local Dimension Palm Wine Band _N'Yong Acoustic Ghanaian Highlife_

"You Can't Fight Corruption With Corruption" Femi Kuti _Stop The Hate_

interview with the Rev K. N. Usher

"Corrupted Man" Pablo Moses _Revolutionary Dream_

"Corruption" Aswad _Hulet_

"World So Corrupt" Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers _Joy & Blues_

"Corrupt Cop" The Mighty Diamonds _Speak The Truth_

"Crime & Corruption" Lucky Dube _The Way It Is_

conclusion & goodbye

"Corrupt (Studio Session)" Depeche Mode _Sounds Of The Universe: Re-Alinged Version_

"My Fetish's Called Corruption" G.D. Luxxe _Between Zero & Eternity_

Whither Corruption?

(image found here)

As tempted as I am to be sarcastic - "I can't for the life of me imagine what is happening in this world that would make me think the theme 'corruption' would come to me at this time." - it's pretty obvious why anyone is talking about corruption these days. It used to be something we needed to have organizations, task forces, some kind of group - in the government & out - to root out, to discover, to bring from the back rooms where the deals were made into the light of day. But now it's happening in plain sight. Everyone knows it & sees it, & it's defended or condemned on a partisan basis. It's terrifying & concerning.

& please don't think this dumb radio show will offer any real insights or solutions. Mainly I'll be playing songs where the subject matter is corruption - & none of the songs will be recent enough to address the current situation. It's just that the word "corruption" is literally spoken or written dozens of time a day (if not hundreds) & how could I not pull that theme out of the air & make a radio show about it?

So I shall. Tonight, Self Help Radio's theme is "corruption." The show on from midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere.

Or maybe it won't be. If, you know, you wanna make an offer I can't refuse...

Preface To Corruption: Stickers

Dang I like the design of that sticker. The orange one. That recognizable silhouette. The implication & message is undeniable.

Corruption is a complicated thing (perhaps) but there are some stickers that have a way of finding the essence of something & elegantly, with surprising simplicity, expresses it while stuck to a surface. A wall, a street sign, a door.

There's no chance he has seen that sticker but I suspect it might enrage him. Just because his head looks as fucking big as it is in real life.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: 1926

(image found here)

Every year on The Dickenbock Report, we look back one hundred years to see what the world was like then. Dick Dickenbock insists we tell you that no, he wasn't alive then, he's not that old! In any event, we talk about & hear musical reports from 1926 on this special episode.

That's tomorrow, Sunday, July 19, on XRAY FM - which is on the air in Portland at 91.1+107.1fm & online everywhere at xray dot fm. Don't worry, unlike 1926, Prohibition will not be enforced; however, like 1926, there's Nazis lurking everywhere.

This Week In Self Help: July 12 +14

Silver clouds are all covered by silver lining. I think I took that at the Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh?

This week:

The Dickenbock Report on XRAY was about New Conversations Day. That was July 12.

Listen to the show here.

Self Help Radio on KBOO had the theme "silver linings." That was July 14,

Listen to the show here. Or listen to the show here.

Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO played music by artists we lost in February of this year. That was also on July 14.

Listen to the show here (after Self Help Radio). Or listen to the show here.

All caught up!

Self Help Radio 071426: Silver Linings

That was a radio show about silver linings. I don't know if I have much more to say about silver linings. Let me check my notes. I mentioned John Milton. Did I mention the Union song? Probably. I mean, what the hell else is there to talk about? I had guests. I played songs. I'm genuinely surprised there were so many songs & I probably didn't even get close to finding or listening to many of them. I guess the silver lining in that is that it isn't a four hour show about silver linings.

Wanna listen to it? Really? Okay, it's at the KBOO website. & it's at the Self Help Radio website. & the list of songs & stuff is below. & I really have nothing else to say about this very specific & weird theme.

You do get that the Self Help Radio logo up there has a silver lining, right? That makes sense, doesn't it? Oh well.

Self Help Radio Silver Linings Show

"Look For The Silver Lining" Marion Harris _20 # 1 Hits Of The 20's_

"There Must Be A Silver Lining" Lee Morse _Anthology: The Deluxe Collection_

"Wear A Hat With A Silver Lining" Ted Lewis & His Orchestra _Ted Lewis & His Orchestra_

introduction & definitions

"Hi-Ho Silver Lining" Jeff Beck _Beckology_

"Silver Lining Love" Leo Unger _Run To The Sunshine_

"Silver Lining" Zen _Again_

"Silver Lining" Chris Andrews _The Best Of Chris Andrews_

"Silver Lining" Rikki Ililonga _Dread Eyes_

interview with Kathleen & Leo Harrison of Silver Linings

"Silver Lining" Stiff Little Fingers _Go For It_

"Silver Lining" Gang Of Four _Hard_

"Silver Lining" Band Of Susans _The Word & The Flesh_

"Silver Lining" Freddie McGregor _Freddie McGregor_

"Silver Lining" Avo-8 _Out Of My Mind_

interview with Lester Tucker, "The King Of The Silver Linings"

"Silver Lining" Stretford _Crossing The Line_

"Silver Lining" Beulah _The Coast Is Never Clear_

"My Silver Lining" Kelley Stoltz _Antique Glow_

"No Silver Lining" The Seamonsters _The Seamonsters_

"Silver Lining" Kitty Craft _Catskills_

Ned Dry talks about the film "Silver Linings Playbook"

"Silver Lining" Rilo Kiley _Under The Blacklight_

"Silver Lining" Garfunkel & Oates _Music Songs_

"Silver Lining" The Silent Boys _Wishing Well Eyes_

"Silver Lining" Guards _In Guards We Trust_

"Silver Lining" Las Rosas _Everyone Gets Exactly What They Want_

conclusion & goodbye

"Silver Lining Lead Balloons" Gruff Rhys _Sadness Sets Me Free_

"A Torn Jacket With Silver Lining" Bedouin Soundclash _We Will Meet In A Hurricane_

Whither SIlver Linings?

Someone asked me the other day - someone who previously didn't know I did a radio show - they actually asked me how I decide what themes to cover. I used to tell people I get them in my dreams, but if that were true all my radio shows would be about my dead animals or being naked in weird places. I didn't want to sound mystical or anything but I said a lot of the time I let the universe suggest themes to me. Luckily this person was just making small talk & didn't actually care about my radio show so I didn't have to talk about it any further.

Sadly for you, that's part of the point of this blog & you should be thankful! I could write me about the dreams where I am naked in places where there's no real reason for me to be naked. This happens so often in dreams these days that I'm not even embarrassed much anymore. I just wonder where my clothes have gone.

When I say "let the universe suggest themes," it usually means that I notice something - like lots of songs with the same title. Which is what happened for "silver linings." I noticed a couple of songs with the name & wondered if there were enough to do an entire show. That's how it happened. Why that's the theme tonight.

Pretty unsatisfying, I'm sure. Like having the same dumb dream over & over. I remember when I would find myself flying in dreams! That was more fun.

Anyway - every Self Help Radio episode has a silver lining, & tonight it's all silver linings. Listen from midnight to 2pm on 90.7fm in Portland & online everywhere at kboo dot fm.

(Sorry I didn't have any pictures of clouds with silver linings.)

Five Thousand

This is the five thousandth post on this blog. I used to make a bigger deal about post numbers until I discovered that I was counting them incorrectly. Also, the blogger site counts them anyway, & I hadn't noticed that. Anyway, it was a dumb way to fill space & terribly uninteresting so I stopped doing it. But post number five thousand seemed too much of a milestone to pass up.

It was way back in September - the 12th actually - of 2006 when I decided to start this blog. Self Help Radio had been on the air for almost four years. The radio station on which it aired, KOOP in Austin, had managed to stabilize after some unhappinesses, & I felt like I'd be doing the show there for some time to come.

When I started the show, I had a girlfriend in grad school. Right after the show left the Austin airwaves, I got married to a newly minted doctor of philosophy who would be taking a job - & me, & the show - to West Virginia. I kept doing the blog because why not?

Blogger gives me stats about the blog so I know it's never had a large readership. I am lucky if I get to the high two digits in terms of "views." Some time ago (I can't say when) I bemoaned the fact that I was forgetting the blog so I determined to write in it at least five times a week. By far the most "popular" (if you want to call it that) posts have been the eulogies I have written for my pets. But that's more because I also post them on social media & my friends come to read them - not because those readers are listeners of my shows.

In fact, I have no idea who listens to my shows & why. I get very little feedback from anyone - very few calls, texts, or blog comments - which may have bothered me at one time but surely doesn't now. Why should it? I am doing something I truly love & would do it if I were the last person in the world. Well, maybe not then. Maybe if I were among the last seventeen people on Earth. Just to have sometime to do in between fighting the mutants & the mole people. In any event, radio is the most fun I have ever had & at some point I knew I'd do it even if no one were listening. Which might be the case

According to the "date calculator" at Time&DateDotCom, there have been 7,245 days between the beginning of this blog & today. Almost twenty years, as can easily be figured out (2006 to 2026). But also:

625,968,000 seconds

10,432,800 minutes

173,880 hours

7245 days

1035 weeks

My ability to do math in my head is shitty but I see the number 5,000 & the total of weeks (1035) & I assume that means I average around five posts a week. Which is how I have been & will continue to do it. Except this week. I added an extra day because - five thousand posts!

Finally - you might ask - are any of those old posts worth reading? Probably not. A lot of them are me being nonsensical. A handful are me trying to be creative. Way too many are me trying to be funny & instead being extremely unfunny. The ones about the animals I lost I do revisit & they make me cry. But I am glad I wrote them because I loved those creatures so & love them still. I wish I wrote better so I could've given them a grander send-off, but they thought I talked too much as it was.

One thing is certain, I don't think I'll still be doing Self Help Radio in twenty years. I can't be sure I'll even be around in twenty years. So we will mostly probably (at my current rate of blog entries) never see a ten thousandth blog post. But according to Just Delete Me, it is "impossible" to delete one's Blogger account. So this dumb blog will survive me. For better or worse.

Happy random mostly unearned achievement day to Self Help Radio's blog!

Preface To Silver Linings: The Most Popular Silver Linings Song Of All

(image from here)

According to the Wikipedia, the song - written by Jerome Kern (music) & B.G. DeSylva (lyrics), was first in an "unsuccessful musical," but was published in 1920, & reused in the musical Sally, made popular by Marilynn Miller, whose image is on the sheet music above.

According to Secondhand Songs, there are at least 248 covers of it, with the earliest recording appearing to be by Marion Miller in 1921. The website has versions of it that run from that date to 2025. It does not appear to lost its charm.

With 248 versions, it would be entirely possible for me to do an entire show of versions of this song. I won't do that, tho. Every time I hear it, I think of that "Look For The Union Label" song, & I think I prefer that one.

But I will play one version of the song on the "silver linings" show.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: New Conversations Day

(image found here)

July 12 is New Conversations Day. Join Dick Dickenbock as he does what he does best - converses with people. Also, with himself. & sometimes, when he's forgotten to take his medicine, with people he knew long ago who are long gone. We'll try to make sure he's fully medicated for tomorrow's program.

Which is happening Sunday from 11am to 1pm. That's only on XRAY FM, which you can find in Portland at 91.1+107.1fm & everywhere at xray dot fm.

Join the conversation! Talk to your radio! Tomorrow it may talk back!

This Week In Self Help: July 5 + 7

(image found here)

Self Help Radio this week had the theme "habits" & I did resist making too many puns about the nun's habit. But here's a picture I found online that I refrained from sharing then. But I share it now.

Let me go chronologically.

Sunday July 5 on XRAY FM. The Dickenbock Report on National Bikini Day. Listen to that show here.

Tuesday July 7 on KBOO. Self Help Radio's show about habits. Listen to that show here. Or listen to that show here.

Tuesday July 7 on KBOO. Corporate Standardized Programming played lots of new releases. Listen to that show here (after Self Help Radio). Or listen to that show here.

You have to wonder if a nun's habit is comfortable. I'm betting no. But I will probably never know - not just because I will probably never know a nun who has worn a habit, but also because there will probably never be a situation where I myself might wear a habit.

Now's the chance for the universe to make a liar out of me!

Self Help Radio 070726: Habits

It's time to stop complaining about how a theme like "habits" doesn't lend itself to photographs & just do something cheap like finding an old drugstore which has "drugs" written on its side & use that as the image for the show. I mean, what else can I do?

This was a show about habits. It never occurred to me discuss the weird habits I have relating to the show - or that the show itself is a kind of habit. How else can you do the same dumb thing for over two decades? Instead I just played lots of songs & had some guests.

Should it be your habit to occasionally listen to silly radio shows, you can find this one on the KBOO website or on the Self Help Radio website. Almost everything that happens on the show is listed below.

It's not too late to make Self Help Radio a habit - or to break that habit!

Self Help Radio Habits Show

"It's A Habit Of Mine" Maurice Chevalier _On Top Of The World_

"Cocaine Habit Blues" Memphis Jug Band _He's In The Jailhouse Now_

"Can't Kick The Habit" Champion Jack Dupree _Blues From The Gutter_

introduction & definitions - featuring the Definition-O-Tron 3000

"Don't Make Hurting Me A Habit" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_

"One Bad Habit" The Superbs _Anthology_

"I Kicked The Habit (Of Loving You)" Sarah Simpson _Absolute Funk Vol. 1_

"You're A Habit Hard To Break" Linda Balintine _Eccentric Soul: The Bandit Label_

"Habits" Nikki Giovanni _Cotton Candy On A Rainy Day_

"I Can't Break The Habit" The Ferris Wheel _We Can Fly, Vol. 4_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by!

"Nasty Habits" Oingo Boingo _Only A Lad_

"God's A Hard Habit To Break" Miss Tammy Faye Starlite & The Angels Of Mercy _On My Knees_

"Louella Parkinson: Personal Habits Of The Stars" Bob & Ray _Vintage Bob & Ray Volume 4: The New York Years_

"A Habit Of You" Jim Jiminee _Welcome To Hawaii_

"I've Got A Habit" The Orchids _Lyceum + Singles_

"Chick Habit" April March _Chick Habit_

"You're Just A Habit That I'm Trying To Break" The Wedding Present _24 Songs_

interview with counselor Jerzy Wilson

"Just A Habit" Built To Spill _You In Reverse_

"The Habit Creep" Shrag _Life! Death! Prizes!_

"Nervous Habits" The Cute Lepers _Can't Stand Modern Music_

"Kick That Habit Man" Brion Gysin _William S. Burroughs & Brion Gysin_

"Creature Of Habit" Dear Nora _Skulls Example_

"Old Habits" Jenny O. _New Truth_

interview with author Corey Stephens

"Habits" Sodastream _Little By Little_

"These Habits" Generationals _Con Law_

"Habit Creature" Rubblebucket _Sun Machine_

"Bad Habit" Pins _Hot Slick_

"A Study Of Reading Habits" Philip Larkin _The Whitsun Weddings_

"Another New Habit To Break" Manitoba Rock N Rolla _Another New Habit To Break_

conclusion & goodbye

"Habit" Ought _More Than Any Other Day_

Whither Habits?

Let me see if I can bring to mind why I chose this week's theme, "habits." Did someone suggest the theme to me? I don't think so. Was there a particular song I was thinking about that led to this theme? I can't recall. What about me - was I think of some good or bad habit of mine & said to myself that would be a good theme? I can't say. Something made me think "habits" would be a good theme for an episode of Self Help Radio but for the life of me I can't remember what that was.

It's a bad habit of mine, forgetting why I plan the shows I do. Especially when I have this blog where I'm supposed to talk about why I chose the theme each week! I'll do my best to break this habit. (I probably will fail tho. As I get older I forget more & more why I do most everything.)

Hopefully tho it's a habit of yours to tune into KBOO on Monday nights. Because that's when this show is airing - tonight midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in town & online everywhere at kboo dot fm.

Have I been trying to habituate you to my lazy practices this whole time?

Preface To Habits: Habit & Fitness

(image from here)

Into a search engine I typed the word "habit." Not "good habit," not "bad habit." Just "habit."
Then I selected the public domain images.
The one above is the first one that popped up.
It is called "habit & fitness."
While I am not often on a treadmill or whatever exercise thing the fellow is on,
it's really not appropriate in my mind to stand next to me
eating a bowl of salad - a giant bowl of salad I might add -
& smile at me in a weird way.

Who carries a bowl of salad around like that?

Why don't they eat together?

It really does look like they've done something terrible
& they realize now they'll never get caught for the crime
& it's made them happy & emboldened them.
So they're going to do it again.
You celebrate with salad! You celebrate with exercise!

Anyway.

That's what I get for having no images of my own about habits.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Bikini Day

(image from the Wikipedia)

While America celebrates a conflicted birthday, the Dickenbock Report staff worry that their pale, flabby, unsightly bodies - because sometimes it's hard to keep oneself toned while reporting the news - will be completely unprepared for the Report on July 5, which is National Bikini Day. July 5 is the anniversary of the "invention" of the bikini, so we will report on that particular bikini, & not the atoll pictured above, which got to experience a couple of nuclear explosions.

That's Sunday, June 5, from 11am to 1pm, on XRAY - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help June 28 & 30 + July 2

In 2017, I took advantage of a - I don't know what you'd call it - a program? - something that they had at my first station, KVRX, in Austin, wherein they allowed alumni to come during the interim periods - usually the winter break - & deejay there. I was in Fort Worth at the time, & so I schlepped down to Austin & played on the radio for like three hours. Anyway, I found this book the kids had left out to write stuff in & discovered this wondrously sweet thing someone had written in a moment of pure vulnerability - "how do I make friends?" - & it was so much the reason so many of the people I knew at college radio came to college radio. I took a picture of it.

No idea why that came into my head. Here's this week for you.

Sunday June 28. The Dickenbock Report XRAY FM. Queen Victoria stuff. Listen here.
Tuesday June 30. Self Help Radio KBOO FM. Howard Gently Forever & Ever. Listen here. Or listen here.
Tuesday June 30. Corporate Standardized Programming KBOO FM. Music by artists we lost in early 2026.  Listen here (after Self Help Radio). Or listen here.
Thursday July 2. Subbing a show on KBOO. Playing lots of new releases. Listen here.

(Still don't know how to make friends, of course.)

Self Help Radio 063026: Howard Gently Forever & Ever

Oh man, my friend Russell would have been tickled by the Howard Gently Tarot Card I made for this blog post. Despite how shabbily & slapdash it is. He's been gone now for three years & I visit with the work he did for my show every three months & it has been such a kindness. That he did this for me & my dumb radio show. I am sad he's gone but feel so fortunate I knew him.

All right, I won't get maudlin. I'll just tell you the show features bits improvised with Russell as the Rev Dr Howard Gently paired with a song from the original show. You can listen to it now & anytime at both the KBOO website & the Self Help Radio website.

List of the happenings on the show is below. Please enjoy.

Self Help Radio Howard Gently Forever & Ever Show

"Six Seconds In Dallas" Russell Miles _Six Seconds In Dallas_

"I Advance Masked" Andy Summers & Robert Fripp _I Advance Masked_

Howard Gently on the theme "Masks"

"Basement Kiss (Live)" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _The Other End Of The Telescope_

Howard Gently on the theme "Basements"

"Dragonhead" Throwing Muses _Hunkpapa_

Howard Gently on the theme "Dragons"

"How I (Learned My Lesson)" X _Under The Big Black Sun_

Howard Gently on the theme "Lessons"

"1000 Stars" Big Country _The Crossing_

Howard Gently on the theme "1000"

"Working Class Hero" John Lennon _Plastic Ono Band_

Howard Gently on the theme "Heroes"

"This Flight Tonight" Joni Mitchell _Blue_

Howard Gently on the theme "Flight"

"Zebra" Ken Nordine _Wink: Ken Nordine Does Robert Shure_

Howard Gently on the theme "Zebras"

"Fiction" The Lucksmiths _Warmer Corners_

Howard Gently on the theme "Fiction"

"Seems So Long Ago, Nancy" Leonard Cohen _Songs From A Room_

Howard Gently on the theme "Nancys"

"Joe The Lion" David Bowie _"Heroes"_

Howard Gently on the theme "Lions/Anniversary Show"

"The Attack Of The Giant Ants" Blondie _Blondie_

Howard Gently on the theme "Halloween 2020"

Whither Howard Gently Forever & Ever?

That photo up there is the original photo we had of Howard Gently, the character my friend Russell portrayed for about eight years on Self Help Radio. I have no idea where it came from. Whether I found it or he did. A reverse-image-search yields only the result "a man in a bow tie from the early 20th century." The original original picture did not have Gently's mustache or his pince-nez glasses - I remember adding those. The picture is dated June 13, 2014, about two months after Russell started appearing on Self Help Radio. I think he wanted a visual of the good doctor.

It is that time again where I honor my old friend by playing his appearances on the show. We have arrived to six years ago - June on 2020, with the pandemic raging. The show at the time was airing on Freeform Portland, so KBOO listeners haven't heard these bits yet - I'm sure they weren't listening to FFP then! As always, I'm in awe of Russell's cleverness & immersion in the role. Gently is a bit of a self-important shitheel & that's what makes him funny.

It's all happening tonight, midnight to 2am, on 90.7fm in Portland, online everywhere at kboo dot fm.

Preface To Howard Gently Forever & Ever: Last Chance To Evolve Beyond Human

This is me wondering if I have told this story here before. It is a story about my friend Russell, a person I knew for decades, & a person with whom I lived for maybe two years. He didn't like living with me, & moved out after a time. I decided to stay in the duplex we had shared, having a few more roommates until I lived there alone for my last year. During that entire time, inspired by the shenanigans of Joe Orton in the film Prick Up Your Ears, I starting pasting stuff all over one wall & had it mostly filled (I left the bottom three feet clear because my cat had a habit of tearing things I put there off) before I left the place after five years.

When I wrote a few years back on this blog about this place, I mentioned that wall. In this post you can see a composite of what the finished product looked like.

The memory I'm going to relate - about me & my friend Russell - might not be related to that wall but I could swear it is. I loved to find stuff on the street & stick it on that wall. One day I found a flyer that read "Last Chance To Evolve Beyond Human." (Yes, this was the inspiration for the bit on last week's show.) Russell & I loved weird stuff like that & we decided to attend the lecture or whatever that was coming up.

It was at the Hilton across the river, across Congress from the Austin American-Statesman building. I seem to remember it being a warm evening in autumn. Russell had a car, so he drove us. We found a place to park & we wandered into the hotel, the flyer in hand, looking for the room where the lecture was.

We found the room among the suite of rooms that had been separated by baffles/fake walls, only there was some professional meeting going on in there. We were a little confused, but as we turned, two young men dressed quite preppily approached us & asked if we were interested in the thing we came to see. We said yes, & they explained that they had lost their reservation, but would be meeting again in another place in a couple of days. This other place was not in Austin, but rather in Pflugerville (which at the time was a smaller suburb which seemed a bit of a ways away), & it was a private residence. We took the information & went home, agreeing we were probably not going to drive forty-five minutes to someone else's house at night to be amused by what might have been a cult.

Spoiler alert! It was a cult. Here, from a very old website, is the text of the flyer.

Yes, the folks were from Heaven's Gate. Just two or three years later those preppy boys we met in a hotel in Austin would be dead. Or in a comet. Or both?

What the hell does that have to do with my vandalizing a rental property thirty years ago? I could swear I pasted that Last Chance To Evolve Beyond Human flyer on my wall. I can see it in my mind's eye when I look at the wall. But! I can't find it now. Can you?

At least it gave me this memory of my dear friend Russell, now three years gone. We were goofs but not goofy enough to fall for the Heaven's Gate stuff!

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: The Anniversary Of Queen Victoria's Coronation

(image from here)

On June 28, 1838 - 188 years ago - Queen Victoria's coronation was held in London. On this anniversary on the Dickenbock Report on XRAY, we'll report on Queen Victoria herself, on the era named after her, & also about other Victorias who aren't necessarily queens.

That tomorrow on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY - 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

Do we have to dress fancy for this or something? I don't have anything to wear to a frickin' coronation.

This Week In Self Help: June 19 21 + 23

Sometimes I have no images for the shows I've done. So I share with you a picture of a sticker on a fence post. Which I took many years ago.

A week ago, on June 19, I was on The Songcircle on KBOO, playing late sixties soul music in honor of Juneteenth. You can listen to that show here.

On June 21, which was National Arizona Day, I played songs & talked about the state of Arizona on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY. You can listen to that show here.

On June 23, on Self Help Radio on KBOO, I explored the theme "beyond." You can listen to that show here. Or you can listen to that show here.

On June 23, on Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I played lots of instrumental tunes (most of them electronical) with "beyond" in the title. You can listen to that show here (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to that show here.

There were no other radio shows beyond these!

Self Help Radio 062326: Beyond

Self Help Radio went beyond this week! Not really. Just played a lot of songs with "beyond" in the title. You can't say Self Help Radio is a creative show but you can agree we're literal!

There's also interview with a couple who say they're evolved beyond human & a dodgy dude who runs a place called Above & Beyond, plus our favorite cinephile returns to the show after being away for a year! So you'll have fun. I hope. I think. Maybe?

Listen to the show on the KBOO web page or on the Self Help Radio web page. Most everything I did on the show is noted below.

See you when you're back from beyond!

Self Help Radio Beyond Show

"Beyond Belief" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Imperial Bedroom_

"One Step Beyond..." Madness _One Step Beyond..._

"Beyond & Back" X _Wild Gift_

introduction & definitions

"The World Beyond" Swamp Dogg _Total Destruction To Your Mind_

"Beyond The Rising Sun" Tyrannosaurus Rex _Strange Orchestra_

"Beyond The Autumn" De Tian _Messthetics # 8: UK '77-82 D.I.Y. Bands: 'D'_

"The Point Beyond Which Something Will Happen" Single Gun Theory _Flow, River Of My Soul_

"She Is Beyond Good & Evil" The Pop Group _Y_

interview with Marty & Tina

"On Beyond Zagnut" Silly Pillows _New Affection_

"Beyond The Sea" Glo-Worm _Glimmer_

"Beyond Their Law" Robert Forster _Calling From A Country Phone_

"Beyond The Door" Dump _I Can Hear Music_

"Beyond Comprehension" Gang Starr _Step In The Arena_

our favorite cinephile Chuck stops by!

"Beyond The Reef" The Autocollants _Why Couldn't Things Just Stay The Same?_

"1914 & Beyond" Cats On Fire _All Blackshirts To Me_

"Beyond The River" The Cansecos _Little Darla Has A Treat For You (Indian Summer 2004 Vol. 22)_

"Bored Beyond Oblivion" Monster Movie _Everyone Is A Ghost_

"Music Is The Voice From Beyond" Electronic Corporation _Construction Deconstruction_

interview with George Daly

"The Walls Beyond Abandon" The Chills _Scatterbrain_

"The Land Beyond" British Sea Power _Open Season_

"Beyond Good & Evil" Crime & The City Solution _American Twilight_

"Beyond Metropolis" Shriekback _Without Real String Or Fish_

conclusion & goodbye

"Beyond Control" The Dream Syndicate _Ultraviolet Battle Hymns & True Confessions_

Whither Beyond?

Yes, I know that's another terrible picture of the moon I've taken. I don't really have lots of pictures of whatever "beyond" means. Beyond is mainly a preposition. Although I guess people do talk about The Great Beyond. But I don't have any pictures of that, either. You can't take cameras there. I'm assuming.

This show was a request. Someone texted me not too long ago & said they liked songs with the word beyond in them. Beyond Belief & One Step Beyond were two they mentioned. I said okay, I'll make a show with beyond as a theme. See how easy that is? & I only get like one or two requests for a theme a year! You people I swear.

Midnight to 2am. KBOO 90.7fm in Portland, kboo dot fm everywhere. Except in the Great Beyond. If they don't let you have cameras there, they're not going to let you have radios.

Preface To Beyond: Death & Beyond

(image from Reddit)

The student asked, "Is this all there is?"
The teacher said, "What?"
"This life," said the student, "is this all there is?"

The teacher looked perturbed. "Well," she said, "what else would there be?"
The student, trying not to be a bother said, "I guess I think there might something beyond life?"
"Beyond life?" the teacher responded, in a kind of loud & offended tone.

"Sorry," said the student sheepishly.
"No, no," the teacher said sarcastically, "tell me, what could possibly be beyond this life?"
The student had fear in her eyes. She said, "Um, heaven?"

"Heaven!" the teacher said. "Heaven!" she said again as if to make some kind of point.

"Okay, I get it," the student said.
"What do you get?" the teacher retorted brusquely.
"I get," said the student, "that this is not the sort of school where open-ended philosophical questions are welcomed as a sign of free inquiry, that the teachers here are more likely to hew to close-minded ways of thinking which perhaps they might find threatening or offensive."

The teacher rolled her eyes. "You know," she said, "this is a massage school, right?"

The student looked a bit sheepish. "I have lots of questions," she said.

"Jesus fucking Christ," the teacher said. "Can we talk about muscles or something instead?"
The student got weirdly wide-eyed. "What if," she said, "there is something beyond muscles?"
The teacher put her head in her hands & wept silently.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Arizona Day

(image found here)

June 21st is National Arizona Day! So let's go to Arizona on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM. But let's not really go to Arizona. It's already unbearably hot there. We'll stay in comfortable Portland & talk about Arizona & play musical reports about Arizona but we don't really need to go there.

That's tomorrow, Sunday, June 21st, from 11am to 1pm on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town & xray dot fm everywhere - even in Arizona, where it's so hot radios actually melt.

This Week In Self Help: June 14 + 16

Did I take that picture of cacti in the desert? Let's pretend I did. This is what I did this week.

June 14th was Flag Day. I played flag songs & talked about Flag Day on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM. You can listen to that show here.

On June 16th, there was an episode of Self Help Radio on KBOO with the theme "The Desert." You can listen to that show here. Or you can listen to that show here.

Also on June 16th, there was an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO in which I continued Self Help Radio's theme by playing instrumental songs about the desert. You can listen to that show here (after Self Help Radio). Or you can listen to that show here.

That's that!

Self Help Radio 061626: The Desert

These was a heat advisory in Portland this weekend - it got hotter than usual - & it was totally a coincidence that Self Help Radio had the theme "the desert." In case anyone thought I was summoning that hot weather. Nope! I did my time in Texas. I want to live where it's mostly chilly most of the time from now on!

It was fine to spend two hours in the desert tho. You can too! You can listen to the show over at the KBOO website & also at the Self Help Radio website. Most everything that happened on the show is listed below. Just be safe out there. It's the desert after all!

Self Help Radio Desert Show

"Sleepy Desert" Wilmer Watts & The Lonely Eagles _Gastonia Gallop: Cotton Mill Songs & Hillbilly Blues_

"California Desert Blues" Lane Hardin _The Rough Guide To Unsung Heroes Of Country Blues_

"The Desert Song" Kitty Carlisle & Wilbur Evans _The Desert Song_

introduction & definitions

"Lonesome Desert (with The Flairs)" Young Jessie _Don't Happen No More_

"Desert Pete" The Kingston Trio _Sunny Side_

"Night Time On The Desert" Marty Robbins _The Chronogical Classics 1965-1966_

"Desert Rain" Jim Pipkin _Time Is Talking_

"Queen Of The Desert" Jenny Don't & The Spurs _Fire On The Ridge_

interview with survivalist Sam Withers

"Uncle Willie's Desert Museum" Russell Miles _Uncle Willie's Desert Museum_

"The Desert" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _It's Time For_

"Time In The Desert" The Go-Betweens _Tallulah_

"Desert Blues" Barrence Whitfield with Tom Russell _Cowboy Mambo_

"Desert Kisses" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Kaleidoscope_

interview with celebrity chef Curt Alderman

"Soul Desert" Can _The Singles_

"Burning In The Desert Burning" The Mekons _Natural_

"Soul Desert" Julian Cope _Jehovahkill_

"Desert Shore" Stephen Duffy & The Lilac Time _Runout Groove_

"Desert Bundles" The Bundles _The Bundles_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by

"Desert" Novella _Change Of State_

"Desert Wildflowers" Squirrel Flower _Planet (I)_

"Fire In Desert" Anna Westin _Lev_

"Desert Nights" Sofia Talvik _Center Of The Universe_

conclusion & goodbye

"My Desert" The Jazz Butcher _A Scandal In Bohemia_

"Desert Fun" The Mayfair Set _The Mayfair Set_

Whither The Desert?

That picture above is from Utah. It was taken a little over seven years ago, as we moved from Texas to Oregon, in May of 2019. I shared it on Facebook around that time & of course it came back to me recently as a Facebook memory & I got to thinking about Utah. A goodly portion of Utah is desert & in fact I've camped there, almost thirty years ago, in both Arches & Canyonlands National Parks. I have spent the night in the desert! & it got very cold.

Looking at those pictures - & digging up some others - made me think I should do a show about the desert. & now, about a month later, I guess I'm ready. Ready to spend two more hours in the desert in the middle of the night. I think I'll dress better this time around.

Self Help Radio's show about the desert is on KBOO tonight from midnight to 2am. Listen in Portland at 90.7fm & listen everywhere - maybe even in the desert - at kboo dot fm.

PS Our membership drive continues! If you can help, visit here.

Preface To The Desert: Do I Have Any Pictures Of The Desert?

No, but I have a picture of a palm tree. I know, they're not unique to deserts. But I guess I don't go to many deserts. So why do a show about deserts? I'll tell you tomorrow.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Flag Day

Sunday, June 14, is Flag Day in the United States. But did you know other nations have flags? It's true! Therefore on the Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM, we'll talk about & play musical reports about - well, mainly the American flag, but also all kinds of flags.

Remember! The Dickenbock Report airs now from 11am to 1pm only on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, xray dot fm everywhere.

Dick Dickenbock wants you to hear his idea for the tagline for the show this week:
Rally round the Dickenbock Report on Flag Day this year!

This Week In Self Help: June 7 9 + 11

Look! The moon has a halo! I talked about this on one of my radio shows. Which one? Here's what I di this past week, you can guess.

On June 7 the Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM has a show about volcanoes. Why? Listen to the show to find out! Listen at the XRAY website.

On June 9 Self Help Radio on KBOO had a show with the theme "haloes." Listen at the KBOO website. Or listen at the Self Help Radio website.

Also on June 9 Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO played lots of new releases. Listen at the KBOO website (after Self Help Radio). Or listen at the Self Help Radio website.

On June 11on XRAY I subbed the show Welcome To Your Good Day & played lots of stuff. Listen at the XRAY website.

The moon is in the waning crescent phase right now so there are no haloes to see. But maybe I'll sneak out in the early morning to catch a glimpse. But probably not.

Self Help Radio 060926: Haloes

Gosh, I don't know what else I can say about haloes that I haven't already said. I had waaay too many songs about haloes & lots of them were a little longish. But that didn't stop me from playing my faves! I also talked to people who can see halos, to an artist who paints halos on things he's not supposed to, & to a friend who claims he likes the video game Halo.

All that's left to say is that you can listen to the show on the KBOO website & also on the Self Help Radio website. & that most of the stuff you will hear is listed below.

Also, my wife doesn't like stories about haloes. She is mean about it, too.

Self Help Radio Haloes Show

"Is That Your Halo" The Rock Shop _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes Vol. 4: Experiment In Color_

"Halos Are For Angels" Blanche Carter _The Wigan Casino Story Volume Three (The Final Chapter)_

"Rusty Old Halo" Hodges, James, & Smith _Power In Your Love_

introduction & definitions

"Halo Fading" The Chills _Soft Bomb_

"Haloes" House Of Love _Audience With The Mind_

"Halo" Mad Scene _A Trip Thru Monsterland_

"Shallow Then Halo" Cocteau Twins _Garlands_

interview with Brother Matthew & Sister Jane

"Halo Flaming Lead" Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel _Sink_

"Hammer The Halo" The Wolfgang Press _Standing Up Straight_

"Halo Bender" The Halo Benders _Don't Tell Me Now_

"Halo Of Fire" Lydia Ainsworth _Sparkles & Debris_

interview with my friend Jarvis

"Halo Mary" Robyn Hitchcock _There Goes The Ice_

"Smoke Ring For My Halo" Kurt Vile _Smoke Ring For My Halo_

"Halo" Starstreamer _Going Against Maz's Advice_

"Chrome Halo" Shiva Burlesque _Mercury Blues_

"Halo" Texas _White On Blonde_

interview with street artist Spanksy

"Halo Coming Down" Walker Kong _Transparent Life_

"Broken Halo" Dot Dash _Half-Remembered Dream_

"Heroes & Halos" The High Violets _Heroes & Halos_

"Black Halo" Black Pistol Fire _Look Alive_

"Halo" Alice Phoebe Lou _Shelter_

conclusion & goodbye

"Halo" Kicking Giant _Halo_

"The Golden Halo" Cloud Nothings _Final Summer_

Whither Haloes?

(image from here)

You might think that the idea for a radio show about haloes came from wandering around the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam & seeing lots of paintings of Jesus & other folks - like the one above, although that one is not in the Rijksmuseum - sporting all kinds of haloes. You would be mistaken.

The idea for this show came from a sketch or something comedic I was thinking about, about a "street artist" who wants to paint haloes on famous paintings, both in public & in museums. He wants to keep his identity a secret, & pretends it's a secret, but he tries to paint a halo on the Mona Lisa & gets arrested so everyone knows who he really is. The sketch idea went nowhere (like most of my ideas) but it did encourage me to do a show about haloes. & who knows? That street artist may even turn up on the show!

It happens midnight to 2am on KBOO - which is at 90.7fm on the dial in Portland, & all over the world online at kboo dot fm.

It's also our Spring/Summer Membership Drive so if you can help, we would greatly appreciate it. Go to this page to become a member of KBOO!

Preface To Haloes: A Childhood Memory

(comic by Easterby)

This is a story I'm sure I've told before but since almost noone reads this blog it's fine if I tell it again. But first I want to tell you that it's been a constant in my life that the things that I have wanted to believe have butted up against the things that are. This is not much of a problem for many people, who are able to contextualize their experiences so reality corresponds with what they believe - whether they've chosen to believe it, or whether it was indoctrinated in them somehow. No judgements - I'm almost certain they're happier than I am.

When I was six, my mother - who was German - took me, my little brother, & I believe one of my older brothers, Ralph, to Germany. It was an experience for which I was wholly unprepared. I mean, I was six. Another country? What the fuck?

For example, I remember being fucking terrified at seeing men walking around with military-grade weapons - I guess whatever the equivalent of AK-47s was at the time - at the airport. It is a memory that came back to me when, just two weeks ago, I arrived at the Berlin airport on my way home to see soldiers patrolling the space with such weaponry just as they did fifty-some-odd years ago.

One thing I was excited about was the flight. If there was one thing I was almost certain I knew, it was that angels lived on top of the clouds. You couldn't see them from down below - of course not! don't be stupid! - they were on top of the clouds. I felt, at age six, I had seen so many pictures of angels on clouds (probably not photos but, again, I was six years old) that they must be there. I pictured not whole cities of angels - although why not? - but rather the occasional angel here & there, plying their wares. I don't know if I imagined harps or other such things, but I knew I would know them by their wings - & white robes - & their haloes.

Because angels had haloes. I am fifty-two years removed from that little dumbass so I can't explain what I might have been thinking but I do have a memory of looking out of the window of the plane - my mother had the window seat, I think, so I had to clamber over her - & saw clouds as far as the eye could see - all strikingly bereft of angels. Did I check now & again to see if maybe angels congregated in other spaces? I don't recall. But it was perhaps one of the first times - if not the first - the world took something I thought was almost certainly true & said back to me, "Nope."

For many people at age six, a question to an adult might have resolved the issue: "No, dear, angels are in heaven not on tops of clouds." But I didn't confide in anyone my disappointment because my family had a way of making me feel stupid when I was wrong ("You thought what? Are you fucking stupid?"). Therefore I kept these observations & revelations to myself. But I'm pretty sure from that point forward I came to think there were no such things as angels.

& maybe haloes too?