Whither Postcards?

(Image from here.)

There are actually two reasons why this week's Self Help Radio has the theme "postcards."

The first reason is that a year or so ago I did a show about "the mails," which is to say all things related to the postal service.  (The playlist is here.)  In addition to songs about mail carriers & letters, I collected songs about postcards - I thought I might get enough to do a postcard set.  It turns out there were a lot of songs about postcards.  So I put them aside, intending to do a show one day about postcards.

The second reason is that Jenny reminded me that I was going to do a show about postcards at some point so why not now?  I dusted off the old folder, looked for more postcard songs, & viola!  There'll be a Self Help Radio show about postcards tomorrow.

That'll be from 6-8am Pacific time on 90.3 + 98.3 fm Freeform Portland & online at freeformportland.org.

Gosh, I just hope I have enough stamps!

Preface To Postcards: I Shoulda Sent You A Postcard

Damn, I didn't send you a postcard.  I passed a few shops, you know, & even went in, but although I looked at the postcards, I didn't buy one.  I don't think I even considered it.

But I did think of you!  You were on my mind when I saw the sights, I was thinking it would be fun if you were here.  We would've had a great time.  & that's it, really - I was just having such a great time, I didn't want to interrupt it to have to say "I'm having a great time!" on a postcard.

Still, I should've sent you one.  I usually do.  Funny thing - the last time I sent you a postcard - do you remember? - I got home before the postcard arrived!  I think you even said, "You could just buy a postcard & give it to me, you don't have to send it."  & we laughed.

But I didn't even buy a postcard this trip.  It just slipped my mind, I guess.  & I know I should've done so.  There really is no excuse.

You're acting cool about it, but I think you're quite hurt.  Maybe this slight of mine is unforgivable.  I obviously can't go back & get a postcard, but I hope you can see how much this is tearing me up.  I'm sorry.

& I can't say it more: I really, really should've sent you a postcard.

Sleeping All Day

The interview with the guru went as possibly follows:

Guru, may I sleep all day?

My child, were you up all night?

Yes, guru.  But also up all day.

Then please, stay up all night, before your sleep all day.

Cool.  Thanks.

I'm so glad we had this conversation.

Me too, guru.  Gosh, I'm tired.

It is strange when we stay up all day.  For then we must sleep all night.

Yeah.

But when we stay up all night, surely we must be allowed to sleep all day.

Yes, great.

Unless we have an appointment.  Perhaps a doctor's appointment?

Oh no, no appointments.  I just would like to, you know, lay my head on a pillow & catch some z's, as they say.

Great!  Enjoy your rest.

Hey.  Not to be weird, but.

Yes, my son?

Are you going to stand there, you know, while I sleep?

Of course.  Where else would I be?

Jeez, I dunno, somewhere else?  What if I sleep eight hours?

I'll be waiting for you, my son.

Yeah, that's creepy.  Listen, I'm cool, maybe you could, I don't know, take off?

Where would I go?  I am your guru.

Aren't you some other folks' guru?  What are they up to?

I am - er - between other folks.

Wait.  I'm your only student?

Acolyte, yes.

Damn.  That must be very disappointing.

You have no idea.

Okay, well.  You wanna sleep on the other side of the bed here?

Why the hell not.

Oh Look: I Done Got Another Show

Or at least I think I do.  The details haven't been ironed out yet.

Quite possibly this Tuesday, October 1st, from 2 to 4 am, I will be doing a show on KXRY - more commonly known as XRAY FM.  I like the station a lot, I help out there, & I was asked if I wanted to do a late-night slot.  I said yes.

But I probably won't be doing Self Help Radio - I can't imagine doing two of those a week!  Instead, I'll probably resurrect my Sugar Substitute moniker for a freeform, mainly indie-type show.

More details as I know them!

Self Help Radio 092319: What House Is This?

(I found all these images somewhere in the Google.)

It's a very common question.  You're with your friend, having a leisurely walk, & one of you stops & says to the other, "What house is this?"  Why, I'll bet you've had this conversation maybe dozens of times!

You: Oh my.  What house is this?
Your friend: This house?
You: Yes.  What is this house?
Your friend: Does it have a sign?
You: No, it does not have a sign.
Your friend: Hmm, it's a puzzler.
You: Say, where are we walking?
Your friend: Along the beach, of course.
You: That could be a clue.
Your friend: That's it!
You: Yes?
Your friend: It's a beach house!
You: Marvelous!
Your friend: Jolly good!

Aren't you glad you have a friend who says things like "jolly good"?  No?  Well, be glad, you selfish oaf.  I don't have friends that say "jolly good."

Alas, sometimes context clues aren't enough.  If you are ever in a situation where you & your friend, you know, the one who says "jolly good," cannot discover what house it is that you've come across, then please come to this week's Self Help Radio, which can be used as a guide.  Many kinds of houses are discussed on the show.  You need not be puzzled or otherwise vexed on your walks again!

You may listen to the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username (try: SHR) & a password (try: selfhelp) to access the show.  It's one big file this week for some reason, & you can see what's on the show below, in detail.

One day there will be a Self Help Radio House.  & no one will visit.

Self Help Radio What House Is This Show

"The Big House Blues" Shelley Lee Alley _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 8: 1941_
"Dog House Blues" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Road House Boogie" Big Jay McNeely _The Boogie Box, Vol. 11_

introduction & definitions

"Rock House" Roy Orbison _The Sun Years_
"The Doll House" Phil Ochs _Farewells & Fantasies_
"Fun House" The Stooges _The Stooges_
"Grandma's House" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

interview with Duke Simpson about upcoming trends

"Happy House" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Once Upon A Time: The Singles_
"White House" Schizoid _Messthetics # 1: UK '77-81 'D.I.Y.' Bands R To Sh_
"Tempo House" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Bad Houses" Big Black _Atomizer_

interview with Donut Jon of Jon's Donut House

"An Eating House" The Nits _In The Dutch Mountains_
"Open House" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"Visiting Someone Else's House" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Lime House" The Breeders _Pod_
"Linctus House" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_

interview with head White House tour guide David Fruchter

"Country House" Blur _The Great Escape_
"Council Houses" Denim _Denim On Ice_
"Haunted House" Grant McLennan _Watershed_
"Ocean House" Parsley Sound _Parsley Sounds_
"Rooming House On Venice Beach" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Squat House" The Hard Ons _Go & Do It: The Aberrant Compilations_
"The Girls At The Corner House" Tochigi _The Gang East Of The River_
"Hot House" X _More Fun In The New World_
"Ugh! Your Ugly Houses!" Chumbawamba _Swingin' With Raymond_
"Cat House" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

Whither What House Is This?

(This used to be our house, in Fort Worth.  It belongs to someone else now.)

In trying to explain this week's theme to someone who foolishly asked me about my radio show, I simply said, "Doing a theme show every week would get boring if it were always about things, nouns, you know.  At some point I decided it would be fun to do shows about phrases that commonly appear in songs."

This was when I was answering phones at a station for its pledge drive, & a deejay said to me, "About every third or fourth show, I do a theme show."  I hear that a lot.  & I always say, "Oh, no, I'm not saying that what I do is special.  All people who do radio do themes."  At which point, the deejay said, "Yeah, even Bob Dylan did a 'theme-time' show!"

This week's show, which has the awkward title "What House Is This?" is simply one of those phrase shows.  It might be better described as "_______ house."  Every song will be entitled something house.  If you ever visit the Self Help Radio Facebook page, you'll notice that I put up some songs which I'll probably play on the show, to give some idea of the theme.

That's all.  Blank house.  But why?  Probably because I noticed a lot of "house" songs & wondered if I could make a show about them.  & I think I can!

Tomorrow in Portland from 6-8am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm plus online at Freeform Portland dot org.  I won't be doing the show from a house, though, but from a building.

Preface To What House Is This?: Not Really A Complaint But A Complaint

There's too much good food in Portland.  It's true.  I have gained weight since I got here.

Because of certain issues with my health, I like to see a doctor every six months, have my blood checked, if possible get a tune-up & my tires rotated.  What issues?  What business is that of yours?  My gosh.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  So I met the person who might be my regular doctor this past week, & she was great, but I did tell her I have gained weight since I got here, thanks in part to so much good food in this city.  & I asked her if there were perhaps something she could do, as a medical professional, to somehow slightly decrease the deliciousness of Portland's food to facilitate the daunting task of me getting back into shape.  She said no, she couldn't.

She didn't even offer me pills!

It's on my mind because I ate at this place tonight.  The wife & I shared entrees, which doesn't seem uncommon.  It's been a couple of hours since I ate & I'm still stuffed.  & maybe gained even more weight.

When I should've been working on this week's show!

If it seems fatter than usual, you know why.

This Really Happened Today

Before I relate this anecdote, I want to make it perfectly clear that the events which transpired today at a community radio station in Portland had nothing to do with me.  I was just there volunteering, answering phones.  I was not on air at any point, it was not my show, I did not affect programming in any way.  The person with whom I interacted did not know me, did not choose me, was directed to me because I was not answering a phone at the time.  This is simply something that really happened which I am reporting, not in any way attempting to take credit or otherwise promote myself.

All right?  Because when I mentioned this on Facebook, some people thought this was about me.  I am simply telling you something I experienced as a bystander.

Portland has three community radio stations, & I volunteer at each one.  KBOO is the oldest, it has the most wattage & can therefore reach more listeners, & arguably is the most respected.  I like to help out there because I like the people & I like the vibe.  I am not a fan of pledge drives, but they have a great set-up where volunteers don't have to be in the booth with the programmers, & they feed the volunteers besides.  (I didn't partake, but I heard the hummus today was a bit garlicky.)

As I mentioned above, I was not currently taking a pledge when an older gentleman walked into the door.  He said he wanted to make a pledge in person.  This happens quite a bit, people just walk into KBOO all the time, it is in fact encouraged.  The gentleman explained that he had been listening to the station for thirty years but had never pledged his support.  He intended this walk-in pledge to remedy that.  He carried in his hand a white envelope.

After talking to some people, he sat down next to me, & I began to take his information down.  Most of the pledges we take over the phone & enter into data a computer, but with walk-ins, we write them on a physical sheet of paper.  I asked his name, even calling him "sir."  He told me not to do that, I said I do it because I hope I was raised right.  That broke the ice, I called him by his name, & continued to write down his information.

When it came time for the pledge amount, I asked if I could open the envelope.  I did, saw the check inside, saw the number on the check, & said to him, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Why would I say such a thing?  Because inside the envelope was a check for ten thousand dollars.  That's $10,000.  A one with four zeroes after it.  I have probably never seen a check for that amount ever.

Other people were summoned to help me.  I got what information I could.  The generous donor had ideas about using it as a matching grant to encourage others to pledge.  He looked over the premiums we had, & chose a tee shirt.  KBOO will give tee shirts to those who pledge $75.  I can't do the math but I do have a calculator on my computer & it tells me he could've taken home 133 tee shirts with his pledge.  One staffer took him to get the tee shirt.

Oh my god I wanted to show everyone the check!  I was amazed that more of us didn't pass out or shit a brick or whatever when I showed them.  The staff at KBOO were mostly clear-headed, quite professional really, while I must've looked like I had just seen an alien turn the corner, wave at me, then scurry away before I could say, "Hey! You're like a UFO alien!"

The person to whose show the generous donor was pledging was the last to see the check.  He was gobsmacked.  But so humble.  Oh god, my ego would be bursting, but the deejay said, "We all get lucky sometimes."

Yeah, no.  Not ten thousand dollars lucky.  Holy shit.

How I wish I had taken a picture of the check, just the numbers at least.  They're kind of burned into my brain though.

My shift ended & I went home to my animals after that.  But it's absolutely true, what I just wrote: this really fucking happened today!

Since You're Gone

The person who, on my show, portrays my spiritual mentor the Rev Dr Howard Gently is someone I've known since I was in middle school.  He used to make comedic tapes with his older brother & I kinda wanted to get in on the action.  I wasn't funny at all so I assumed the role of straight man.  I would pretend to be a radio call-in host named Gary Franklin & my friend would call in doing different voices.  It's been fun to note than we pretended to be on the radio over thirty years ago & seem to still be doing that now, only, you know, for real.  For "real."  But really on the radio.

One of my favorite calls he did was a fellow who is trapped in his house because a rock band is playing a concert on his front yard.  That band is the Cars.  My friend had taped the Cars playing on some late-night show - my mind tells me it was the Midnight Special but I dunno - it was around the time of "Shake It Up," as that was the song I could hear in the background.  It was a memorable bit because the caller complained to Gary Franklin that he couldn't leave his house because of the people gathered & all his services were disrupted.  He couldn't even call out, his phone lines were cut.  "How are you calling me, then, sir?" Gary Franklin asked.  There was a memorable pause & then the caller said, "I'm losin' my mind, Gary!  You gotta help me!"

My friend & I still quote that to this day.

The Cars are a band that holds up.  They are classic rock, but they're also new wave.  Some of their success had to do with Elliot Easton's iconic guitar solos.  Some of it had to do with Greg Hawkes' unbelievably successful incorporation of synth into the classic rock sound.  But I believe the lion's share of their success had to do with the oddball cool that pervades Ric Ocasek's music, lyrics, & singing.  This is the guy who wrote, "It's an orange-y sky," after all.

The truth is, after I discovered postpunk, I was a little embarrassed how much I liked the Cars.  At some point, in my poor early college years, I got rid of their records to buy new or different records.  (The place I would go for records, Waterloo in Austin, would buy back LPs at two bucks & sell used ones for four.  I often bring in four records & leave with two.)

But sometime in the 90s, I stumbled across the double CD greatest hits collection Just What I Needed.  It was like running into a best friend from high school with whom I'd lost touch.  I remember going to a movie with some young KVRXers a couple nights later, & everyone talking about what CDs or records they'd just added to their collection, & I sheepishly said I bought the Cars greatest hits CD.  They all said, "Holy shit, the Cars are awesome." & I agreed.  Wholeheartedly.

But I noticed I don't play the Cars on the radio a lot - my records indicate the last time was 2017, although I did play a cover of "Shake It Up" on Freeform this summer - probably because I was raised to think the sort of radio I do is supposed to be an alternative to classic rock.  Those lines are blurring & I will belatedly step up my radio worship of the rock genius of Ric Ocasek & crew.  I watched some Youtube videos today - live stuff, mostly, not the videos that defined the band in the 1980s - & was impressed how cohesive they were.

Look, I don't know what kept me in love with music in the dark times where I only knew commercial FM radio & what we now call classic rock, but certainly the Cars helped out.  I remember being quite in love with "You Might Think" when I was disenchanted with radio in late high school.  & though I don't really know if I like the song "Magic" all that music, hearing Ric Ocasek say, "Summer, summer, summer, it turns me upside down" at the very beginning is as powerful to me as an incantation.

It's sad he's no longer with us.  It's amazing what music he left us.  Here they are performing the song that gives this post its name on some late-night television show in the 1980s:

Hi, How Are You?

Unlike many of my musical heroes who die, I actually knew Daniel Johnston a little.  In 1998, he was working with the Station Manager of KVRX, Mark Miller.  Mark was making a music video for him, which you can see here.  At least a couple of times he followed Mark up to the station, & I was at the station a lot - I was a Program Manager that summer.

To say that Daniel Johnston didn't like me would probably be too much - I just didn't really have much that interested him.  He carried with him a two-liter of Coca-Cola & a carton of Kools, & since I was a smoker at the time, we would often be outside smoking.  Daniel Johnston had a ton of energy & his mind worked double-overtime, obviously fueled by the nicotine & caffeine.  We had a few conversations, we of course talked once about the Beatles, but if there were a woman outside, he was going to be focused on her instead.

The last time I saw him play was in 2000 I think when he came onstage at a Yo La Tengo show.  Something about being around him made me worry about him.  He lived with his parents who were getting on in years - what would happen to him once they had gone?

That level of anxiety I would feel would also come to me in his music, which I had heard before I met him.  I came to Austin for college in 1986 & might have run into him at the McDonald's on the Drag where he worked or maybe I would've seen him handing out his tapes.  I don't recall.  I believe I first saw him live in a nicely-packed room at an early South By Southwest.  I might not have heard his music before.

It was when I started volunteering at KVRX that he began to figure in my life.  We had his cassettes & CDs.  People played him all the time.  & in 1994, Kathy McCarty released Dead Dog's Eyeball, which brought a whole new appreciation to the originals.

There's always a part of me that feels like I didn't appreciate him as much as I feel he deserved.  I don't know if it has something to do with being around Daniel Johnston the Person instead of concentrating on Daniel Johnston the Artist.  I do wish he had been more appreciated in his life.  I also hope that whatever demons tormented him for his short time on this planet let him have moments of peace & beauty away from his music.

He'll always feel so much like Austin to me.  One night, with my dear friend Mike, as we stumbled home after the bars closed, we were carless & drunk & a mile away from our apartment, Mike, shirtless in the heat of Austin in August at 2am, walking down Dean Keaton toward Red River, he began to sing as loud & passionately as possible:

Funeral home
Funeral home
Goin' to the funeral home
Got me a coffin
Shiny & black
I'm goin' to the funeral
& I'm never comin' back

Austin is more populated & busier now, but we had the streets all to ourselves.  I don't remember getting home but I remember that song.

Self Help Radio 091619: A Frank Show

(Most all these Frank, Franklin, & Frankie images from Wikipedia.)

At long last! Finally! Once & for all! The promised show about people named Frank.

Check this: in addition to twenty-nine (29!) songs about Franks - & Frankies & Franklins - there are interviews with four different Franks on this show!  It is a veritable treasure trove of Frankness.  A priceless hoard of Frankitude.  Truly a bonanza of Frankality.  A treasury of Franktion.  There's frankly too much Frank, if you ask me.  But you didn't ask me!  You want to be drowned in as much Frank as possible!

& so it shall be done.  You can listen to the Self Help Radio Frank show at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username & a password - neither, alas, are "frank" - it's SHR & selfhelp.  The parade of all things Frank is listed below!

What a good day to be a Frank!

Self Help Radio Frank Show

part one:
"Frank" Ween _The Pod_
"Blank Frank" Brian Eno _Here Come The Warm Jets_
"Frank" Yoni & Geti _Testarossa_

introduction & the origin of the name "Frank"

"Frankie & Johnny" Sam Cooke _The Man Who Invented Soul_
"Daddy Frank (The Guitar Man)" Merle Haggard _Let Me Tell You About A Song_
"Frank's Wild Years" Tom Waits _Swordfishtrombones_
"Frank & Sandy" Pants Yell! _Received Pronunciation_
"Will Success Spoil Frank Summit?" The Times _This Is London_

interview with cousin Frank Schmidt

"Frankie Sinatra" The Avalanches _Wildflower_
"Like Frankie Lymon" The Weather Prophets _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_
"Harlem Roulette" The Mountain Goats _Transcendental Youth_
"Blues For Frankie Valli" The Incredible Vickers Brothers _Gallimaufry_

interview with childhood friend Frank David Fruchter

"Frank Mills" Phyllis Newman _Phyllis Newman's World Of Music_
"Gotta Have Something In The Bank Frank" Bob Jaxon _On A Rockin Beach Party_

part two:
"He's Frank" The Monochrome Set _The Independent Singles Collection_
"I'm Frank" The Fall _Extricate_
"Our Frank" Morrissey _Kill Uncle_

interview with Kentucky radio star Frank Yelsom

"The Ballad Of Frankie Lee & Judas Priest" Thea Gilmore _John Wesley Harding_
"Frankie T & Frankie C" Mick Harvey _Sketches From The Book Of The Dead_
"Frankie" Kanda _All The Good Meetings Are Taken_
"So Long Frank Lloyd Wright" Simon & Garfunkel _Bridge Over Troubled Water_

interview with Head Of Production Frank Biggle Magnum

"Frank Black Says" Boat _Dress Like Your Idols_
"Frank De Salvo" The Orchids _Unholy Soul_
"Franklin D. Roosevelt's Back Again" Oscar Brand _Presidential Campaign Songs_
"Franklin Pierce" The Two Man Gentlemen Band _¡Dos Amigos, Una Fiesta!_

conclusion & goodbye

"What About Frank Clement (A Mighty Man)" The Prisonaires _Just Walkin' In The Rain_
"Frankie's House" Johnny Lee Daniels _Teenagers Forever, Vol. 3_
"That's Frankie's Negative" The Moodists _Thirsty's Calling_

Whither A Frank Show?

(It's not those kind of franks - never mind.  Image from here.)

You may recall, way back in the good old days of August, when Self Help Radio was still without a radio station to call home, there was an announcement on the show's Facebook page & also on the show's website that the next installment of Self Help Radio would be a show about people named Frank.  Not necessarily famous people named Frank!  Just whatever Frank might have been sung about.  Songs were gathered.  People named Frank were hassled.  Promised were made, money was loaned, hair was combed, shirts were tucked in.  & then: I got sick.

Sick as a person named Frank has ever been sick before.  In retrospect, it might have been amusing to try to make a show, especially with my voice a little croaky & the sniffles my only friend.  But I chose to take lots of cold medicine, cover myself in blankets, & wait for the fever to break.

Then I rescheduled the show, which is happening oh my gosh tomorrow!  At 6am!  On Freeform Portland!

Tell all the Franks you know!  Make sure to mention it as well to the Frankies, Franklins, & why the hell not the Francises (Franceses too).  It may be very flattering to them.  Or it may be a grave, grave insult.

Preface To A Frank Show: Can't Figure Out Time Around Here

When I say "time," I don't mean personal, day-to-day time.  I've said this before, but I can't ever believe I was bored when I was a kid.  I have way too much to do these days, I can't imagine lying around on my bed after dinner, homework finished, not tired, feeling too lazy to turn the lights on when the sun went down, just bored out of my fucking skull.  But I know that happened a lot.

No, what I mean about time here is this: we moved to Portland in May, roughly four months ago.  But if you'd ask me how long we've lived here, I think I might say, "A year? Two? Maybe three?"

Some weeks seem to go by fast, but sometimes I think, when I arrive at a radio station, I think, "Has it been a month since I've been here?"  When it's often been just a couple of days.

A couple of things have contributed to this recently.  I was pretty sick for three or four days, er, was it three weeks ago?  (Or maybe last summer?)  That screwed up time somewhat.  The other is that one of our pups isn't well, & it's been a lot of stress.

This seems to suggest that illness has screwed up time, but it's not just that: both the wife & I have had expectations foiled & realized.  It's strange to take stock, to ask oneself where one would have predicted to be in a month or two.  I can't believe, for example, I've done shows on three different radio stations in the past few months.  I've gone on about this before, but you have to understand: there were virtually no opportunities in Dallas for radio.  This place is one opportunity after another.

& now the wife has gone away to visit her family in California for a week, & I am left to my own obviously screwed-up devices.  You know how there are those clocks that are somewhat tuned to an atomic clock somewhere, so they don't lose a second but after a million years?  If someone could set a clock to me, it would probably confuse the hell out of the clock connected to the atomic one.

It might not be Portland, I understand: it might just be me.

A Day Without Sleep

This is not true!  There has been sleep today!

Let me tell you where there has been sleep today: where people slept.  The World Sleep Meter registered sleep in normal proportions except - there was that place - it was in Portland - let's look at the records - was there someone who, in a twenty-four hour period, slept less than four hours?

Experts agree: this is unsustainable.  Also, experts say: subject had delicious vegan Thai food for dinner?  Holy shit - add the experts - that sounds amazing.

In the evening - after dinner, but before drinking - subject helped the neighbors chase an errant duckling around the neighborhood before catching it & letting the neighbors return it to where it belonged.  Said the neighbor, "This is Portland!"

Against all advice, subject drank a couple of glasses of whiskey in the evening & watched YouTube videos.  Experts predict the amount of sleep required to return subject to some kind of equilibrium may result in diminished REM times in nearby homes.

As there is only a finite amount of sleep.

Until.

All there is is sleep.

Where Was I Today?

Please don't think I've forgotten you!  The next few days are going to be a little busy.

This is something strange to reflect on: when I lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, I not only didn't get to do Self Help Radio, I barely got to do any kind of radio at all.  KNON's deejays loved doing their shows, & if they couldn't do it, they generally had a "crew" of folks who helped out who took care of their shows if they missed it.  In general, I might sub the morning shows, but that was it.

The situation here is vastly different.  This week, I turned down two shows on two different stations.  In one case, I simply wouldn't have had the time to make a decent show - & in the other, I had to take a pup to the vet in the morning so couldn't have done the show anyway.

& tonight I am preparing to do four hours of Freeform Portland - from 2am to 6am, my favorite time to play on the radio.

So if you're feeling ignored, I'm sorry.  I'm busy.  Happily busy.  As a friend told me today, it appears this is the right town for me to end up in.

Self Help Radio 090919: Passion

(Original image here.)

A week ago I promised I would post my shows the same day I did them, but this week I was asked to sub a show on XRAY FM so I could not.  However, I can to-day.  I present to you the second Self Help Radio in Portland: a show about passion.

Most people wouldn't consider me a passionate fellow, although I think of myself as one.  Passionate about the things I love, like music, radio, my pets, my wife, all kinds of creation.  In that order?  Oops.  Too bad I am writing this on a computer & there's no way to correct that sentence in order to make my pets seem more important than radio.  I just hope they don't read this & get upset.

The show is waiting for you at the Self Help Radio website, where it will require you to adopt a secret name (SHR) & use a secret word of love (selfhelp) to give you access to the passion.  There will be no surprises, however - well, perhaps the intensity will surprose you - as you can see the songs played & the guests' appearances below.

Whew!  That was a passionate show.  I need a lie-down.

Self Help Radio Passion Show

part one:
"Passion" Watsie Lumbard And The East-Men featuring Hal Jaxon _Confidential Doo Wop, Vol. 3_
"Passion Or Patterns" Units _Digital Stimulation_
"Bulbs Of Passion" Dinosaur Jr _Dinosaur_

introduction & definitions

"Passion Is No Ordinary Word" Graham Parker & The Rumour _Squeezing Out Sparks_
"Pashernate Love" Morrissey _The HMV/Parlophone Singles 88-95_
"Passion For Water" Liechtenstein _Fast Forward_
"Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams _Passionate Kisses_

interview with motivational speaker Dirk Robbins

"Passionate Friend" The Teardrop Explodes _Wilder_
"The Passion" English Electric _Baby I'm Yours_
"Mad Passionate Love" Bernard Bresslaw _British Comedy Classics_
"Rak Tong Rorn (Love Passion)" Viparat Piengsuwan _Thai Beat A Go-Go Volume 2 (Groovy 60's Sounds From The Land Of Smile!)_

introducing Ned Dry

"The Passion Of Lovers" Bauhaus _1979-1983_
"Passion Fall Down" The Wreckery _Past Imperfect_

part two:
"Passion Of Mine" Black & White Lovers _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 8_
"Passion In The Afternoon" The Desert Wolves _Pontification_
"The Passion" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_

interview with romance novelist Raymond Dunlap

"Plastic Passion" The Cure _Boys Don't Cry_
"Talk About The Passion" R.E.M. _Murmur_
"Scorpio: The Passionate Hero" The Zodiac _Cosmic Sounds_
"The Passionate Shepherd To His Love" P.D.Q. Bach _Liebeslieder Polkas_
"Passion Killer" One The Juggler _Nearly A Sin_

interview with Bingham Killkid

"Passion Of Love" The Pretty Things _Singles As & Bs_
"Passionate Love" The Goodtime Music Co. _The Sound Of Young Sacramento_
"Cool Passion" Data _Accumulator (1980-1985)_
"Passion Play" Papas Fritas _Papas Fritas_

conclusion & a passionate farewell

"This Passionate Breed" The Sun & The Moon _The Sun & The Moon_
"Nights Of Passion" The Radicals _The Bristol Reggae Explosion 1978-1983_

Whither Passion?

(Image from here.)

Of course, Self Help Radio has always been known as a passionate show.  Perhaps too passionate.  It's been called, by jealous critics, ardent, amorous, even concupiscent, which is a word that sounds way naughtier than it actually is.  Actually, no, it's pretty naughty.  Not as naughty as, say, lascivious, aroused, or prurient, which are to be clear not words anyone has used to describe Self Help Radio.  They pretty much stop at passionate, if they start at all.

Which brings us to this week's show: can a passionate show like Self Help Radio get introspective & examine its own passion?  Will that not make the show too passionate?  Isn't it better to dispassionately examine oneself, to have a better understanding, unsullied by over-emotion?  Perhaps.  But what else can the show do?  Hire an outside agency?  Take unsolicited criticism?  Never!

Self Help Radio, passionate show that it is, is passionate about passion, & therefore that's what we'll explore tomorrow morning, Monday the 9th, from 6 to 8 am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm Freeform Portland.  If you yourself are a fan of passion, you'll want to wake up for it.  Although it may be too passionate for a Monday morning.

You've been, I imagine, properly admonished.

Preface To Passion: It Feels So Weird To Write This On A Saturday

Guess I'll have to get used to it!

Here's something I might or might not have said: I'll be doing two radio shows on Monday.  That's right, in addition to Self Help Radio I'm going to be subbing a show on XRAY called What I Like.  It's super fun & I will in no way be able to capture how good it is when DJ Flash Gordon Quarterback New York Jets is on, so I think I'm going to repurpose an old Self Help Radio.

Something I might also not have mentioned is that I spent all day Sunday working on the first Self Help Radio in Portland & got maybe three hours sleep.  Part of that was bad planning.  A lot of it is my anxiety keeping me awake.  I haven't overslept for a show in years but my brains acts like I will
probably do it if I don't fret about it for hours before I stumble into a fitful, rem-less sleep.

Thinking of sleep, I have fond memories of falling asleep in class.  In both high school & college, I feel like I had the most restful naps when, bored stiff, I'd pretend to be taking notes & cover my downcast face with my hand & just doze off.  Inevitably the elbow of my right arm would give way & it would wake me.  I'd be confused but oh so refreshed.

Now when I am busy listening to music or writing some fake ad or editing an interview, the urge to sleep is strong.  I never knew how fucking lazy I was until I started putting more work into this show.

Speaking of: I know it's a Saturday night but I am going to go to sleep now so I can wake up early to work on two shows for Monday.  Please don't envy me this rock star lifestyle - I put my pants on one leg at a time like you do.  Although now you're making me feel that's the wrong way to do it.  Should I be doing it two legs at a time?  Three?  Four?

See you in the a.m.

The Thing The Internet Knew I Needed

You can find this beauty here.  I highly recommend "even wrong is right."

Thank you, internet!

How'd It Go?

When Self Help Radio was on Fridays, I wrote something on this blog for five days of the week, starting on Mondays.  Now Self Help Radio is on Mondays.  To write five times a week I need to shift the week ahead, what?  Three days?  So the first day I write is - well, it's Sunday, but that would be equivalent to the fourth day.  Sundays are the new Thursdays.  Or has that phraseology passed from use?

In any event.  I'll be writing here from Thursday to Monday.  On Monday, I'll put the show up after it has aired onto the Self Help Radio website.  Monday is the new Friday.  At least around here.

But you asked how it went.  It went swimmingly.  I had a blast.  True, it was Labor Day morning & when I drove home - at 8:30 - they were as quiet as they were at 5:30 - maybe just a tad busier - but I suspect this Monday it'll be a different story.

Really, I felt so good after Monday's show, & it got even better.  When I returned home, the wife was awake & acting weird.  She told me to sit down & wait then went somewhere.  I knew it was important because she took the car.  She'll drive across town on a bike rather than drive.

When she got back, she brought me from a vegan donut shop around here called Doe Donuts this:

It's six donuts plus one donut hole that spell out the frequency of Freeform Portland plus "SHR" for you-know-what.

Sometimes she makes me feel loved.  The "S" up there was a peanut butter & jelly donut.  I ate it first.  I mentioned just today that I had a peanut butter & jelly donut & he said, "I never knew such a thing existed but now I want it."

It bugs her, but I keep telling my wife: "How're you going to top last week this Monday?"

It's good to be back on the air.  I hope I never leave.

Self Help Radio 090219: Start Again

(It's not a new start, it's start again - oh never mind.  Image from here.)

Hey, that was fun!  I was up late Sunday working on the show & had about three hours sleep, but there's always something wonderful about doing Self Help Radio live.  The last time I did that was actually not in Lexington, as you might imagine, but when I did two episodes (they were basically live versions of prerecorded shows that aired on WLXU) on KVRX at the end of 2017.  That was exhilarating, this felt even better.

How or why I can't explain.  Freeform Portland just feels like home.  The show as it aired is now at Self Help Radio dot net & you'll need to use a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  I've divided the show into two parts again, I don't exactly know why, maybe if it'd annoying you can tell me.  I think it's because the second hour needs a legal ID & so it's like a natural partition.  The troubles with starting all over.

What's on the show is listed below.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it!

Self Help Radio Starts Again
"Start Again" Artisans _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Start Again" Tri-State _We Did What We Could Do_
"Start Again (live)" Echo & The Bunnymen _Crystal Days: 1979-1999_

introduction & a little history

"Start Again" Starlings _Valid_
"Start Again" Sounds Like Sunset _Saturdays_
"Lifeboat" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_
"Start Again" Bleeding Rainbow _Interrupt_
"Start Again" Bishop Allen _Lights Out_

interview with podcaster Zach Hightower

"Begin Again" California Snow Story _Close To The Ocean_
"Begin Again" Rocket 3 _Burn_
"Begin Again" Citrus Clouds _Imagination_
"Begin Again" Larry & His Flask _This Remedy_

interview with artist Cornelius Magnusson

"Rip It Up" Orange Juice _The Very Best Of Orange Juice_
"Start All Over Again" Smokey Joe _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll, Vol. 1_
"Starting The Hurt All Over Again" Brenda Holloway _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"I'll Begin Again" Sammy Davis Jr. _Now_

lawyer Bobcat Slone interrupts!

"Can't We Start Again" Les Poissons Solubles _Untitled Split 7" With Snowbirds_
"A New Beginning" Red Letter Day _Red Letter Day_
"A New Beginning" The Sweetest Ache _Rolling Meadows: Songs About Our Past, Vol. 2_
"Brand New Start" The Crookes _Lucky Ones_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"It Started All Over Again" Brenda Lee _I Got A Woman: Gems From The Decca Vaults USA 1960-1961_
"Start Again" Look See Proof _Between Here & There_
"New Day, Fresh Start" Kicker _Our Wild Mercury Years_
"Start Anew" Acid House Kings _Mondays Are Like Tuesdays & Tuesdays Are Like Wednesdays_

conclusion & goodbye

"Starting All Over Again" Mel & Tim _Take Me To The River: A Southern Soul Story 1961-1977_
"Why Not Start All Over Again" The Counts _What's Up Front That Counts_

Whither Start Again?

(Image from here.)

"Start again"?  Wait a second!  I have two important questions here!

Okay, fire away.

One: didn't you already do a show about starting?

Yes, that show happened in 2015, & you can see the playlist by clicking here.

I knew it!  & two: doesn't it say on your website "a new start"?  Isn't that supposed to be the theme?

It does.  However, I had completely forgotten I had originally done a "start" show.

Of course you did.

So it seemed wise to avoid what I had originally played by changing the theme to "start again."

How is that different?

You'll see.

See?

You'll hear.

When can I hear it?

Glad you asked!  Tomorrow morning from 6-8am!

Where can I hear it?

In Portland at 90.3 + 89.3 fm, & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org.

Why can I hear it?

Because you have ears?

6am tomorrow - hey!  That's like a little over half a day away!

Don't remind me!

Self Help Radio 083019: Indiepop A To Z # 60

(Most, if not all, of the images came from Discogs.)

Here it is, the latest indiepop a to z installment (we're at the letter N now).  It's also the last pre-recorded Self Help Radio for a time, as Self Help Radio goes live on the air on Monday at 6am on Freeform Portland.  It's exciting!

This show is full of twee & jangle & is a delight from start to finish.  I can say that, because I was there.  You can listen now & whenever at the Self Help Radio web site.  Use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp to listen.  It's a bit over two hours long & look at the songs I played below!

Enjoy!

Self Help Radio Indiepop A To Z # 60
"Head Over Heels" My Raining Stars _From St. Saviour To Quickwell_
"To Live & Die In The Airport Lounge" My Teenage Stride _Ears Like Golden Bats_
"Sure, Bert" Mystic Chords Of Memory _Mystic Chords Of Memory_

"20.000 Veces" Nadadora _Dinámico Y Estático_
"Heh Someone" Names For Pebbles _Something Cool_
"1000 Tears" Mark Narkowicz _Library Records 1998 - 2003: Disc One, The 7" Single Years, 1998 - 2000_
"Love House" Nautical William _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 4_
"Ghost" Neats _Neats_

"Get Away Sometimes" Neighborhood Dilemma _Shreds, Vol. 2: American Underground '94_
"So Long" Neil Armstrong _You Thought It Was The End Of The World When The Rain Ruined Your Hair_
"Plastic Sky" Nelories _Mellow Yellow Fellow Nelories_
"Hanging On The Telephone" The Nerves _One Way Ticket_
"Touch Wood" Nervous Curve _You Can't Be Loved Forever, Vol. 3_

"Don't Look" Nervus Rex _Singles: The Great New York Singles Scene_
"Make Believe" Netorare Fan Club _Make Believe_
"Holland, 1945" Neutral Milk Hotel _In The Aeroplane Over The Sea_
"Coconut Shampoo" Neverever _Angelic Swells_
"Turnaround" Neverland _Sometimes_

"Josh Has A Crush On A Femme From Reed" New Bad Things _Freewheel!_
"Age Of Consent" New Order _Power, Corruption & Lies_
"Trash" New York Dolls _New York Dolls_
"ExpoFacto15" New York School Poets _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_
"Come Back To Edinburgh" The Newcolours _Be Serious!_

"The Jangling Man" Martin Newell _The Greatest Living Englishman_
"Holding On My Hand" The Newpolitans _Holding On My Hand/Ducktown 7"_
"An Englishman" Newsflash _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 2_
"Feeling So Real" Next Time Passions _You Make Me Smile_
"Did I Do Wrong?" Nice System _Impractical Guide To The Opposite Sex_

"Hold On" Nightblooms _24 Days At Catastrofe Café_
"Acid In Your Face" The Nightjars _Acid In Your Face_
"Eddie Lopez Lives In Slough" Nine Steps To Ugly _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 5_
"Bring On The Dancing Horses" Ninety Nine _Pretty In Pop_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 60?

Wow, sixty?  Really?  & what letter are we on?  Finishing M?  Starting N?

It's actually really fortuitous that this is the last show before Self Help Radio debuts on Portland radio, because if I had started the show early, I would not be doing an indiepop a to z.  I would not have made something like this series my first or second or third show.  I would've waited until December.

It just occurred to me that the very last Self Help Radio I did in Texas was an indiepop a to z episode. So it's been four months since then.  I've missed a few weeks here & there, haven't I?  That will not be an option for me going forward!

Anyway, I do this every four months.  Until I die.  I suspect the letter N will not take as many shows as the letter M.  Just from what I've gathered for tomorrow's show.

& then, omigosh!  It's another Self Help Radio in three days!

PS This is the 3,200th post on this blog.  I wonder if anyone even reads these?  Like, what did I write here six years ago?  Shall I look?  It's here.

August 29, 2013, was a Thursday, the day before an episode of Self Help Radio, & I was going to be doing Indiepop A To Z # 41.  I was moving to Friday nights at ten.  I forget why.  No one really listened then.  I think I worked better in the mornings.  & guess what?  I'm going back there Monday!

Preface To This Week's Show: The Power Of No

There's something about me that you may not know: I'm a coward.

It was probably instilled in me - if it isn't something deep in my DNA - by my mother, the architect of much of what I am.  She made me afraid of being hurt, which probably led to my fear of confrontation (which often leads to physical violence), which resulted in me being basically afraid of, you know, anything that might lead me to being beaten up, attacked, whatever.

That's not necessarily a bad thing - who wants to be a punching bag?  But of course we as a culture admire the person that stands up & fights back.  That's really not me.

The thing is, I often encounter folks who assert things - & usually they're in positions of authority - which I know are wrong.  I will say to these people, "I don't think that's true."  They will double down on their assertions.  Tonight I came across that.  I asked if there were evidence of the assertion, which was this: "It's been my experience in every place this came up."

If it seems I'm being vague, just understand it has to do with noncommercial radio & be thankful you're not bored by the details.

This has happened to me a lot recently.  I am so tentative in my slight incursions into the different radio environments here in Portland that I make a simple suggestion & I recoil when met with a definitive no.  The thing is - I am giving the power to that no.  Most people will confidently say things  as if speaking for an entire without really knowing what that group thinks.  & I keep coming across that, again & again.

Do you know, I first became involved in radio about twenty-five years ago this month?  It's true!  & for that entire time I wish I could've just been this guy who did a show, didn't get too involved, helped out when he could, was a team player.  But it's not me.  I wanted to somehow make it easier for more people to get involved, for the station itself to thrive, for everyone to have the same experience I did.

This led to some problems but I think it's been more positive than not.

The reason to mention this is that I was at a meeting tonight where I was confronted with more "no" than "yes."  I have decided I won't let this stop me anymore.  I'm going to carefully ignore the "no" & focus on the "yes."

Might it be too early to do so?  Probably.  Will it be difficult?  Oh sure.

Is it absolutely necessary for me?  Oh yes.

Griefitti

The other day I saw some graffiti on a doorway while driving home.  There's lots of graffiti here in Portland.  Most of it is just tags, you know, as it says in the Urban Dictionary, "a personal signature, usually vandalism with spraypaint, but can be any graffiti."  I don't have any real opinion about the legality of graffiti, perhaps because I don't really believe in personal property; or rather, I feel there's tremendous truth in the anarchist slogan "property is theft."  I of course judge it according to whether I like it.  From my point of view, as someone with mostly nothing, I find the ways people deal with graffiti fascinating, & of course I find beautiful graffiti stunning.

Anyway, I saw this tag which was simply someone's name, mostly recognizable, written over & over, like a child might do in a workbook learning cursive, only, you know, this was on a doorway.  & the name was the same of the name of a friend, so I took a picture (I was waiting at a light, & wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been - the doorway was sunken into the wall of the side of a building) & sent it to him.  I asked, "Is this your tag?  It seems sad."

I continued, "Not sad in execution, sad in feeling it is meant to convey."  I guess I didn't want to offend him.

He hadn't responded, so I just wrote, "Sad tagger."

& then, "Griefitti."

This friend usually hates puns, says they're the lowest form of humor, but he acknowledged it was a nice word I had (possibly?) coined.

Last night a friend from an old radio station wrote to me about how he wasn't dealing very well with David Berman's death.  I wrote what powerless words of consolation I could.  As we get older, we carry more & more death behind us.

I should've encouraged him to get some spraypaint & work on his tag.  He's an artist of sorts, I'm sure he'd make a good one (if he hasn't already).  Mine would be simple & pretty sad in execution.  Also, I'd get caught right away, possibly because I'd do something dumb like tag someplace nearby & write my name in very simple script.

& it would be my own name.  Recently, in getting involved at Freeform Portland, I was asked what my "deejay name" was.  I've never had a deejay name.  I've always been just Gary.  Now, of course, I'm referred to as "DJ Gary" in emails.

This began somewhere & ended somewhere else.  Such is my mind these days.

In One Week

In one week, Self Help Radio makes its Portland debut.  I'm sure you've heard.  It's weird, it seems so far away & yet I know it's simply seven (really six) days away.

Listen: time has been weird to me here.  We arrived here about three & a half months ago but I could swear I've lived here longer.  In a way, I long for the continual gloom & rain I have heard so much about, the summer has been mostly dry, & bright, & clement.

Am I doing anything special for the show?  Sort of, but not really.  I actually haven't even started working on it, since I have the Indiepop A To Z show to do this week.  That is probably a bad sign.

There is one thing I will not miss: recording my own airbreaks.  Oh jumpin' jeebus on a jet place that takes so much time.  I prefer to do them live & by gum I will be doing them live.  I think it might also let me focus on the music more, since I'll have time to do so - a lot of my calculus about putting together a podcast naturally takes into account the time to record & edit.  But no more!

This is all a bit too navel-gazey for me but I did look up from my life tonight & realize next Monday will be something different for me.  As my dad used to say to me: Don't fuck it up, boy!

He had a way with words.

Self Help Radio 082319: There's No Self Help Radio 082319

Yeah, I was sick all week & didn't make a new show.  I'm sorry about that.  There'll be one last podcast next week & then the show returns to the airwaves Monday, September 2, at 6am.  So in a sense, you don't get a new Self Help Radio this week, but you get two new episodes next week.

However, should you really need to hear me play songs for a theme, you can do so anyway, as before I got too ill, I took lots of cold medicine & did my first sub show on xray.fm.  It was National Radio Day & the theme was, well, radio.  You can find the show at the Self Help Radio website or just go to the XRAY page which is here.  What I played is below.

Again, apologies for not forging through the sickness.  See you in a week!

Self Help Radio Radio Show
"Corporate Standardized Programming" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Roadrunner" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
"Rock & Roll" The Velvet Underground _Loaded_

"Having A Party" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio?" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Raised On Radio" Slimer _In Their Eyes: '90s Teen Bands Vs. '80s Teen Movies_
"Around The Dial" The Kinks _Give The People What They Want_
"Caroline's Radio" Bubblegum Lemonade _Sophomore Release_

"Radio, Radio (Capital Radio Version)" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"FM" The Mountain Goats _Sweden_
"Summer Pop Radio" Helen Love _Radio Hits Vol. 1_
"Oh Yeah" Roxy Music _Flesh + Blood_
"Video Killed The Radio Star" Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club _English Garden_

"Transmission" Joy Division _Substance 1977-1980_
"This Is Radio Clash" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_
"Turn Off Your Radio" The Essentials _Fast Music In A Slow Town EP_
"Left Of The Dial" The Replacements _Tim_
"Mexican Radio" El Vez _Graciasland_

"My Radio (AM Mix)" Stars _Nightsongs_
"Radio" Felix Da Housecat _Virgo, Blaktro, & The Movie Disco_
"Heard It On The Radio" The Bird & The Bee _Interpreting The Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall & John Oates_
"Yesterday Once More" Redd Kross _If I Were A Carpenter_
"DJ" David Bowie _Lodger_

"Caravan" Van Morrison _Moondance_
"Radio" Hackamore Brick _One Kiss Leads To Another_
"On The Radio" Tom Selleck's Moustache _Heartbreak 101_
"Radio" Teenage Fanclub _Thirteen_
"On The Radio" Mind Spiders _Meltdown_

Yeah, This Week Wouldn't Have Worked

This morning I ventured outside for the first time in over a day to walk the dogs.  I got a little woozy but made it through.  My voice sounds like me making fun of Ned Dry.

Here's the thing: my wife had this all last week, & she went to work & taught people.  I need to go conduct a training session at Freeform Portland tonight & I don't know if I'm going to be able to make the drive.

Last week's Last Week Tonight talked about bias in medicine, & although I don't recall if they covered this - but I have always assumed that when it comes to pain, woman are just stronger than men.  It might just be me, but I am waylaid by the smallest discomfort.

& when I feel a cold coming on, I know the best thing to do is take some medication & try to sleep it off.  Except this week I really, really wanted to do a show on XRAY.  & I really, really wanted to do training.  So I settled for scuttling Self Help Radio & spending Wednesday in a haze.

It's all for the best - my show is shabby enough as it is.  I need to go try not to infect new deejays as I train them & then I hope to sleep twelve hours tonight.

Still Quite Ill & In No Way Presentable

The neighbors are having a neighborhood gathering (well, it's basically just four houses) & have invited us over.  The wife is at work & I have been dozing in bed, decongestants in my system, my weird dreams nowhere near as interesting as they were last night when I had a fever.

This occurred to me sometime this morning: it's interesting that we don't do things to induce fevers because the thoughts & hallucinations I have when my temperature is up seem as provocative & strange as the least of my experiences with psychedelics, so many moons ago.  In that sense, I kind of anticipate fevers in a hungry way, although of course I know they're much, much more dangerous than acid or mushrooms.  & oh look, I've answered my own question.

There was no way I could sit in front of the computer today so I guess I'm going to cancel this week's show.  It's for the best - I can spend more time on my first on-air show in forever (!) & also on my last podcast, which is the indiepop a to z series.

Gosh, I need to go back to sleep right now.

Sick As A Dog

Filled up with meds & sucked cough drops so I was able to do the XRAY fm show, but am now in the full throes of a cold.  Will hopefully sleep all day tomorrow & maybe won't be able to do this week's show.  But I'll post the show I did today - a Self Help Radio-type show I never did, a show about the radio, since it was National Radio Day.  Now.  I think I have a fever.  I will get ready for chills & that weirdly beautiful moment when the fever breaks.  Good night.

It Figures

Tomorrow I have my first show on XRAY FM & today I woke up with a sore throat.

This doesn't mean I won't do the show, but it does mean I spent most of the day sucking cough drops & feeling like something worse was just around the corner.  So far, so good.

The wife had a sore throat last week & I refused to stop kissing her.  Today she blamed my sickness on the fact that she eats from the serving spoons when she's making our dinner plates.  This may need some explanation:

The one who cooks around here is me.  When everything is ready, the wife takes over & "makes our plates," which means she puts the food I've prepared on plates (& in tupperware for the leftovers).  She does this ostensibly because she wants to control our portion sizes & because she makes it look prettier than I could but her ulterior motive is to eat more of the food when she's putting it onto the plates.  For example, if I've made some kind of sandwich spread, she'll put it on the bread but take bites in-between.

It may surprise you that I know all this & haven't put a stop to it, but it makes her happy.  We always make too much food.  "The art of cooking for two is lost on me & you," as the poet says.

What I find amusing is that she thinks this particular thing is what has caused me to get something close to the same illness she had.  Not, you know, the kissing, or the fact that we live together & spend as much of the day as we can together.  Nope!  It's her "cheating" when she is putting our dinner together.

Okay, going to sleep early tonight.  Did you know tomorrow is National Radio Day?  What a fortuitous time for me to do my first XRAY show!

Self Help Radio 081619: Floating

(Image from here.)

It's at times like this, when the show is done & I'm wondering what I could've done to make it better, that I think about Muhammad Ali's maxim, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."  I wouldn't mind floating like a butterfly - they seem to be susceptible to the slightest of breezes - but of course when a honeybee stings you, she dies.  That seems not only unfair, but inappropriate.  Might I just float like a butterfly, & enjoy honey like a bee?  I'll bet eating while you're floating is fun.

Would you go up on one of those planes which gets just so high that you experience weightlessness?  Or would you go into space, just to float a bit?  I might.  Or I might just take the rest of the afternoon, fill a tub up with water, & float until it gets too cold, or too lukewarm anyway.

The show is done, though, so please, float over to it & have a listen.  It's mostly intangible but you can find it at the Self Help Radio website.  There'll be a username & password there, those are SHR & selfhelp.  The show has lots of music plus some ridiculous interviews which you can find out about by looking below.

Just don't float away.  If you can in fact float.  Which you probably can.

Self Help Radio Floating Show

"Floating" The Moody Blues _To Our Children's Children's Children_
"Floating (SSRU Demo)" Section 25 _Illuminus Illumina_
"Floating" Julee Cruse _Floating Into The Night_

introduction & definitions

"The Float" Hank Ballard & The Midnighters _All 20 Of Their Chart Hits 1953-1962_
"Float" Palindromes _Muy Muy Pop Yum Yum_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part I" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"We Are Floating" Archie Bronson Outfit _Wild Crush_
"Does It Float" Dinosaur Jr _Dinosaur_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space" Spiritualized _Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space_
"California Floating In Space" Call & Response _Call & Response_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part II" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floated In" Frankie Cosmos _Next Thing_
"Floaty" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_

Ned Dry makes his famous ice cream float
phone call from Mary Poppins' daughter

"Floating In A Vacuum" Plastic Mermaids _Suddenly Everyone Explodes_
"Floating In The Forth" Frightened Rabbit _The Midnight Organ Fight_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part III" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Floating In Space" The Apples In Stereo _Travellers In Space & Time_
"Floating By" The Red Button _She's About To Cross My Mind_

interview with poet Phineas Johnston

"Dead Man's Float" Sage Francis _Copper Gone_
"She Floated Away" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_
"Free-Floating Hostility, Part IV" George Carlin _Back In Town_
"Float My Bed" Lorelei _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Float To The Top" Madder Rose _Tragic Magic_

conclusion & goodbye

"Floating" Xerox Feinberg _12 Big Hits (Of 1985)_
"We Float" PJ Harvey _Stories From The City Stories From The Sea_
"Floating Dream" The Peanut Butter Conspiracy _Spreading From The Ashes_

Whither Floating?

(This image from a terrifying article called Why Do Corpses Float?)

Just imagine this: you're floating.  It could be in warm water, it could be in the clouds.  You aren't expending any energy at all, you've given yourself up to whatever forces of nature will keep you afloat.  You feel lighter than air, you could be a leaf suspended in a gentle wind, or part of the very clouds in which you float.  That's a nice thing to imagine, right?  Calming, even relaxing.  It might even make you a little drowsy, the experience so pleasurable you imagine it would be nice to doze off in such a state.

That would be a mistake.  The safety you feel while floating is an illusion.  Suddenly you're taken under the water!  Or you begin to fall!  Gravity is again the master!  You cannot escape its ruthless hold no matter how hard you try.  You can struggle but there's a part of you that knows you're utterly doomed, your foolishness in believing you could float forever leading you to a painful, untimely end.

That feeling there, that sense that you made a horrible mistake & won't be able to correct it no matter how hard you try?  That's the normal emotional reaction to Self Help Radio, which this week will be about floating.  If you're strong enough to ignore that feeling, you probably also text & drive.  In which case, please listen!

It'll happen Friday at noon at Self Help Radio dot net.  It will not, alas, float in the air on radio waves - that's still a couple of weeks away.  But perhaps you'll welcome the sound waves floating into you as you listen, & as always standard disclaimers apply.

Preface To Floating: Recurring Dreams

Believe it or not, I used to have a recurring dream where I was floating.

This dream would usually happen at the apartment complex I lived in from the ages of around ten to fourteen.  They were called Villa Cordoba & I've written about them on this blog before, namely here & here.  I hadn't really thought about it before, but perhaps one of the reasons I dreamt about floating there is that I had actually seen the apartment complex from up high, as I often climbed trees which grew higher than the complex.

The apartments were in a square configuration, with the front doors looking out on all four sides, & each unit having a back patio.  The patio walls were solid, they looked like stucco but were perhaps made of concrete or even stone, I'm not sure.  You could clamber up onto the walls of the patios & jump onto trees in the complex, all of which grew inside (in the middle of the complex was a pool & a few apartments whose patios were in the front of the unit, outside the front door).  I wish I could remember what kind of trees they were, but they grew taller than the second story, as I said, & I could even see over the apartments to the middle school to the northeast & the back of the shopping center to the southeast.

In my dreams, I'm not flying, I'm floating.  Hovering, really.  There's no indication how I got up there, & friends & family below me - I'm floating higher than the apartments - don't seem at all impressed that I'm up there.  I recall that I have to strain to hear what they're talking about, & to yell to get their attention.  At some point in the dream, either someone asks me or I become concerned about the prospect of getting down.  I'm over two stories up & not really moving, just floating there.  The rest of the dream is all about how I get back to the ground - sometimes scarily, I just lose the ability to float; sometimes cleverly, I manage to get to a tree or a window; & sometimes skillfully, I figure out how to slowly descend.  In no cases do I actually hurt myself - I would usually wake up before that happened.

But I did write that I used to have this dream.  I haven't had it in years.  Probably not since my twenties, which is more than half my life ago.  But I had them enough to remember them vividly.  & like everything else I no longer experience, I realize now I miss them terribly.

In Case You're Keeping Score

Today I was trained at a third Portland radio station.  It went well, I think I could navigate the set-up, & I thanked the person who took the time to train me, & as I was driving home, I got a text:

Can you sub next Tuesday from 2-4pm?

My response was:

Wow! Sure!

(Not that I texted while I was driving!  No, I waited till I was stopped.  So I was texting while I was idling.)

That means that - if we arrived roughly three months ago - by this time next week I will have been trained at & deejayed at three different radio stations.  That's a personal record for me.

& almost certainly something Portland will soon be sick of.

T-Minus Three Weeks & Hey What Does T-Minus Even Mean?

It says here, "In a NASA countdown to a rocket launch, 'T-minus' translates to 'Time minus'; the T stands for the exact time at which the rocket is scheduled to be launched. In more technical terms, the T in T-minus is a designator for the main sequence countdown time that serves as the synchronization device for most of the equipment & procedures that must be completed before, during, & after the launch."

It appears I was wrong above.  I am writing this close to nine pm on Monday, August 12.  Self Help Radio's debut on Portland radio is at 6am Monday, September 2.  Which means it would be more proper to say "T-minus twenty days & fifteen hours."  Anything more specific would be weird, since I sometimes start writing these things, get distracted, & return much later.  But "T-Minus three weeks" is definitely incorrect.

It's weird to think that Self Help Radio will be back on the air.  I am trying to think of something special to do but to be honest it's best to be as normal as possible.  The theme will be "a new start" but nothing will be terribly new about the show.  Except I'll be doing it live!  That's so exciting!

This week I wasn't able to snag any sub shows so it'll be a week without me irritating Portland radio.  Myself, I spent the day listening to songs about floating.  There are lots of electronica tunes about floating.  It's a theme that lends itself to pretty electronica.  Should I do an all-instrumental show one day?  I probably have before, but I don't know if I should try it again especially when I'm about to be introduced to the Portland airwaves.

These are things I think about all the damn time.  Sometimes instead of doing something.

One last thing: I just watched a film about a person who was in an awful relationship with a junkie & at the end (no spoilers, I won't tell you the film), the junkie died - ODed - & I thought, "That's the happiest ending, isn't it?  The junkie dies."  This is despite me knowing a couple of people who would self-describe as junkies who managed to kick it & not destroy themselves.  Maybe I should rethink my own attitudes about people with addiction.

Anyway.  T-minus what?  I can't be expected to keep up with this!

Self Help Radio 080919: Feathers

(Original image here.)

Feathers! They're used for flying, they keep birds warm, & they keep birds dry.  & if that isn't what you want out of a radio show, I don't know what is.  The Self Help Radio promise: this show about feathers will help you fly, keep you warm, or keep you dry.  You don't get to choose which, however.  & only one function per show!

This is an extremely silly show & I am tempted to call it plucky but I'm afraid you'll notify the Pun Police, so I need to get to the show without feather ado.

You can listen now & whenever you like at Self Help Radio dot net.  There is as usual a password & a username, & those are selfhelp & SHR respectively.  The show is just under two hours long & everything that happens, including the interviews, are listed below.

Please don't consider me giving you this the show the same as giving you the bird.  & oh dear, I've been arrested by the Pun Police.

Self Help Radio Feathers Show

"The Devil & The Feathery Wife" Nick Dow _Burd Margaret_
"Birds Of A Feather" The Orange Peels _2020_
"I Feel Like A Feather In The Breeze" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_

introduction & definitions

"Mice & Feathers" 63 Crayons _Good People_
"Feather From The Sun" Blue Orchids _The Once & Future Thing_
"Birds Of A Feather" Mike Stewart & The Stable Hands _Mister Ed The Talking Horse "Straight From The Horse's Mouth"_
"More Feathers" Fading Tribesmen _The Essential Pebbles Collection, Vol. 2: Still More Ultimate '66 Garage Classics!_
"Two Ton Feather" Dion _The Road I'm On: A Retrospective_

Marge Most interrupts!

"Birds Of A Feather" Joe South _Games People Play_
"Feathers" Lee Hazlewood _Poet, Fool, Or Bum_
"Mr. Feathers" Elvis Costello & The Imposters _Momofuku_
"Grow Feathers" Coyle & Sharpe _Audio Visionaries: Street Pranks & Put-Ons_
"Feather By Feather" Smog _Supper_

interview with human with feathers Albus Shariaty

"Feathered Fish" Sons Of Adam _Pebbles, Vol. 2_
"The Feathered Tiger" Kaleidoscope _Faintly Blowing_
"Funny Feathers" Victoria Spivey _Louis Armstrong & The Blues Singers_
"Somewhere There's A Feather" Nico _Chelsea Girl_
"Paste Me On Some Feathers" Sammi Smith _Sunshine_

interview with trendspotter Duke Simpson

"Feather Bed" Cannon's Jug Stompers _Before The Blues, Vol. 3 (The Early American Black Music Scene)_
"That Old Feather Bed On The Farm" Gene Autry _That Silver Haired Daddy Of Mine_
"Grandma's Feather Bed" The New Kingston Trio _The World Needs A Melody_
"Feather Bed" Fruit Bats _The Ruminant Band_
"Featherframe" Pale Saints _In Ribbons_

conclusion & goodbye

"Shake A Tail Feathers" The Five Du-Tones _Beg, Scream, & Shout! The Big Ol' Box Of '60s Soul_
"Feathers Oar Blades" Cocteau Twins _Lullabies To Violaine_
"Chicken & Feathers" Nick Lowe _The Abominable Showman_
"Feather Falling" Kelley Stoltz _Que Aura_
"Fuzzy Feather" Sad Day For Puppets _Pale Silver & Shiny Gold_
"One Black Feather" The Last Names _Wilderness_

Whither Feathers?

(Image from here.)

Gosh, I don't honestly know why the show this week is about feathers.  How embarrassing is that!  I've just been operating as though I should do a show about feathers, & I'm therefore putting together a show about feathers, & it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

Can I tell you what I find the weirdest thing about birds?  I have never felt like one should keep birds - I kinda like it when people walk around with parrots on the shoulders & what-not - but I don't think I'd want to have one as a pet.  We had a budgie, the family did, in my childhood - or maybe we were watching someone else's budgie - & it just seemed so sad all the time, in this little cage, occasionally chirping, & made to be quiet by putting a blanket over its cage at night.  I keep saying cage.  It's kept in a frickin' cage!  Isn't that crazy.

Anyway, I've had to dispose of a few birds because I have a bird-killing hound - I don't think she means to kill them, I think she just wants to play - when they stop moving, she loses interest, & I come in to pick the poor things up & put them in the garbage.  Here's the thing I find so weird: they're so light.  They weigh almost nothing!  It seems like that's self-explanatory - there's a phrase, "light as a feather," to describe near-weightlessness, & of course their bones are hollow - but to feel it in real life, that's odd.  You expect a little more heft.  Or at least I do.

The show itself will probably be just as light & inconsequential.  It'll happen tomorrow at noon at Self Help Radio dot net.  It may actually happen on time this week!  I better get my shit together - starting in September, there's not going to be the chance to do a show late.

The Big Announcement

Last week on the show, I teased a big announcement this week.  It's time for that!  Here it is.  Are you sitting down?  Why?  It's really not all that important.

Starting September 2, 2019, Self Help Radio returns to the airwaves - this time in Portland, Oregon.  It'll be on Freeform Portland, 90. 3 + 98.3 fm & online at freeformportland.org.  It'll be on weekly from 6-8am.

This will be the first time Self Help Radio's been on the actual radio since April 2018, I believe.  It also marks the fourth city & the fifth station on which the show has appeared.

Naturally I am grateful for the opportunity & I've probably already expressed how much I like Freeform Portland.  I've subbed there a few times, I'm helping with their Music Library Committee, & starting this month I'm on their training committee.  The place has a great vibe.

That's that.  There are four more podcasts before then, so let's focus on those before, wow!  Back on the fm airwaves!  Hooray!

Lucy Tells A Joke About Feathers

But the punchline remains elusive.

Is There Such A Thing As A Little Exhaustion?

This has been a long day.  Here's what I did:

At 5:30 am, I walked with the wife my dogs.  This was her first day of teaching neuroanatomy & I signed up to run the board for news & public affairs programs at KBOO.  So.  We coaxed the pups to pooped & prepared for our day.  She went to work.  I went to the radio station.

Let me tell you, with just a few hours of sleep under my belt (that's a mixed metaphor, right?), I made a couple of big mistakes, but they wouldn't make any sense to relate.  I might not be asked back.

At home, I fed my animals, I had lunch, I tried to nap, I woke & showered & headed back to KBOO, where I help with the music library.

After that, I headed to another station - XRAY - to help with their music library.

Once home - after dinner - I wrote some emails in regards to projects with Freeform Portland.  & signed up to help at an event this weekend that XRAY is putting on.

Tonight, after the wife went to sleep, I drank a little whiskey & continued watching The Boys, which I have enjoyed more than let's say the last seven Marvel movies combined.  It might be eight.

But now I should go to bed.  I have a Self Help Radio to work on tomorrow!