Self Help Radio 072018: The Sudden Show

(Turns out there's a series of Westerns called "Sudden."  I messed with one of the paperback covers.  The original is here.)

Suddenly, there's a new episode of Self Help Radio.  Although of course it's really not all that sudden.  It's happening when it always happens, noon on Friday.  I've been talking about it all week.  In fact, it's the very opposite of sudden.  You know what?  I should've released it at random, like on Flag Day in 2021.  Or on your birthday except I don't know when your birthday is!  Suddenly, you'd have a birthday present you weren't expecting.  Well, poops.  I guess you'll just have to enjoy this entirely pre-planned show about suddenness.

Something I just noticed: I've been talking about this as "a sudden show," but on the website it's listed as "the sudden show."  All of a sudden it was slightly renamed!  That wasn't something I set out to do at all.  I'm sure you find it as delightful as I do.

Despite it not being sudden at all, the show still calls itself that & can be listened to now & whenevermore at the Self Help Radio website.  It's a couple of hours long, it's one file, there are tons of songs (4,320 lbs to be exact) & goofy interviews & at some point I am eaten by a man ray.  That last part isn't true.  I wanted to make the show seem more sudden than it actually.  Anyway, make sure you known your username (it's SHR) & your password (it's selfhelp) to listen.  & have a look at what I played & where the other stuff happens so you can plan your listen.  Or don't - heck, that'll make it all the more sudden!

Suddenly, the whole idea of this show seems quite foolish to me.  Oh well.

"Suddenly Everything Happens" California Snow Story _Close To The Ocean_
"Then Suddenly Love" Frank Sinatra _The Complete Reprise Studio Recordings_
"And Then Suddenly" The Bartlebees _Urban Folk Legends_

introduction & definitions

"And Suddenly" Terry Malts _Lost At The Party_
"Suddenly I Met Your Face" Nits _Work_
"Suddenly There's A Valley" The Drifters _The Drifters' Greatest Hits_
"Suddenly Everything Has Changed" The Flaming Lips _The Soft Bulletin_
"Suddenly Is Sooner Than You Think" Dntel _Life Is Full Of Possibilities_

interview with Police Sgt David Fruchter

"No Sudden Moves" Dengue Fever _The Deepest Lake_
"Suddenly Violently Random" Lowlife _Eternity Road: Reflections Of Lowlife 1985-1995_
"Sudden Death" John Cale _Helen Of Troy_
"Sudden Death" Slobster _A Real Cool Time Revisited: Swedish Punk, Pop, & Garage Rock 1982-1989_
"A Sudden Death" The Organ _Grab That Gun_

"Dramatic Readings Of Classic Rock Songs"

"All Of A Sudden" The Incredibles _Heart & Soul_
"(All OF The Sudden) My Heart Sings" Mel Carter _Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me: The Best Of Mel Carter_
"Sudden Smile" 50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong _Baby Trash_
"Suddenly" Tender Trap _Dansette Dansette_
"Suddenly, Last Autumn" The Monochrome Set _Cosmonaut_

interview with improv artist Allen Shariaty

"And Suddenly" The Left Banke _There's Gonna Be A Storm: The Complete Recordings 1966-1969_
"Suddenly You Love Me" Cilla Black _Completely Cilla 1963-1973_
"Suddenly There Is A Tidal Wave" The Magnetic Fields _The Wayward Bus_
"Suddenly" Bishop Allen _March EP_
"Sudden Town" The Soft Boys _Nextdoorland_

conclusion & goodbye

"Sudden Lei" Drug Boyfriend + Holy Worm _Sudden Lei_
"All Of A Sudden" The Farmer's Boys _With These Hands_
"Sudden Fiction" Guided By Voices _August By Cake_
"Suddenly Gone" Shopping _The Official Body_

post mortem

Whither A Sudden Show?

(Image from here.)

Suddenly, I had an idea for a new show.

Inexplicably, the idea was "sudden."

Understandably, everyone around me became concerned.

Soothingly, I explained that this was no different than any other show I had planned.

Maddeningly, they insisted I was ill.

Hurriedly, I fled from their ignorance.

Surreptitiously, I discovered a place to hide while they looked everywhere else.

Happily, I daydreamt about all the songs I would play.

Menacingly, a voice called from deep inside my hiding place.

Fearfully, I answered back.

Suddenly, three arms grasped me!

Ruefully, I cursed myself for the stupid theme & the trouble it caused me.

Amazingly, it was just Three-Armed Phil, the neighborhood freak.

Abashedly, he explained that this was his hiding place, & he didn't want to share.

Cheerfully, I said I understood.

Suddenly, it started storming!

Welcomingly, Three-Armed Phil took me back to his hiding place where we had tea.

Gratefully, I listened to boring stories about his time in Canadian government.

Wistfully, I waited the storm out, eager to do my show.

Magically, Three-Armed Phil read my mind & asked when the show would happen.

Excitedly, I told him: tomorrow, Friday, July 20, at noon, at Self Help Radio dot net!

Frustratingly, he then went back to his own stupid stories.

Suddenly, Three-Armed Phil asked if I wanted to go watch television.

Resignedly, I agreed.

Preface To A Sudden Show: Stupid Facebook

Stupid Facebook won't let me post this video to the Self Help Radio Facebook page.  I have no idea.  It's the song "Suddenly Is Sooner Than You Think" by Dntel.  I had cleverly commented, "The Sudden Show is sooner than you think."  Then I added, "I really need to get to work on it!"

But it just froze there & wouldn't post it.  So I'll post it here I suppose:



Lately I've been sharing on Facebook some of the songs I'll play (or maybe won't play) for the week's show.  I have no idea if anyone likes it.  But that's why I wanted to post this today.  & stupid me, I kept trying, & trying, & trying, until it occurred to me, this late in the day, to put it on the Facebook page.

Here it is.  Lots of ado about basically nothing.  But like my animals, I love my rituals.

Ten Years Ago Today

Ten years ago today...  I never do this sort of thing, but I have been doing this blog for this show long enough that I suppose I can re-present some things I wrote many moons ago.  So let's see what was happening on this blog ten years ago today, in the summer of 2008.

The post is titled "Whither Taxis?"  The show that week was about taxis.  I remember it well.  I asked my friends Camille (who now lives in Memphis & with whom I'm still in contact) & Justin (with whom I haven't spoken in a very long time) to come over because I had written a play about taxis that I wanted them to do parts in.  If I remember correctly, the play takes place during the airbreaks.  Please understand, I haven't listened to this show, probably, ever.  But I remember it fondly.  Certainly it was fun working with friends.

Here's what I said then about the upcoming show:

People tell me I used to be a friendlier person. Now, they say, I seem a little closed-off, & a little sad. What gives, they ask. Who pooped in your mouth & called it salad?

Don't you think I know how I feel about the world? Don't you think I know that my weird little radio show that's not on the radio isn't like some kind of taxi without a passenger? Like a bus without one of those clumsy wheelchair ramps that take forever to deploy? Like an elevator that smells like vinegar & kills the cockroaches that crawl outside it? Like an escalator with dried ice cream caked forever into its ridges, sticking to your shoes & making you self-conscious as you stare at the pretty girl in the food court? Like a broken-down rickshaw mocking you as you walk, beaten & bruised, to the big Laotian city vowing revenge on the gangsters who robbed you, raped you & left you for dead? Like a baby carriage with a fat baby in it who's gotta be at least four & who sings like Rod Stewart? Like a dolly leaning slightly on an empty soda dispensing machine which rattles when the soda dispensing machine repairperson accidentally closes the door too fast & the noises causes him to drop fourteen dollars worth of quarters on the floor, which people inadvertently start kicking all over the place? Don't you think I know myself?

People tell me that self-awareness doesn't appear to be my problem. They say, why are you so defensive? Who stuck their finger in your ass & called it macaroni?

Don't you think I know that I appear defensive around you? Don't you see that one of my coping mechanisms is to continue doing Self Help Radio no matter who listens or where it is or whatever the fuck?

People tell me that they didn't even know I was a deejay. For the record, I tell them, I've ridden in taxis less than ten times in my life. People then tell me that they've got to go. & they go.

That summer Self Help Radio was not on the radio.  It's a long story.  But this summer Self Help Radio is not on the radio.  The more things change...

If you'd like to listen to that show about taxis, I have uploaded it for your pleasure &/or irritation.  The first part is here & the second part is here.  The usual username/password issues apply.  If you do listen, against everyone's better judgment, maybe don't tell me it's not as good as I remember it.

& if you see Justin, tell him I said hey.

If Only I Had It Earlier

(Image from Discogs.)

People often talk about how great older siblings are, how they guide your through life's difficulties & give you a head start when it comes to cool stuff, like music.  But though I have five - five! - older siblings, I got very little guidance from them about life.  & what's more, the music they liked was basically what they heard on the radio, which I too could hear on the radio, & there was very little revelation in their tastes.

But what if they had been cooler?  What if they had been listening to punk, if they had liked bands like the Velvets & the Stooges, if they had gone deeper with psych or funk or prog?  What would it have looked like for one of my brothers - all of whom consider themselves music lovers - to give me a Can record & tell me to listen to it?  It never happened.

Sometimes I daydream about it, though, about one of them caring enough to not receive music passively through the radio.  I imagine one of them noticing something about me, about what I was going through, & telling me, at the age of fifteen, you know what you need?  Check out this record by the Modern Lovers.

It seems to me that I discovered Jonathan Richman by accident.  Sometime in 1992 - when I was twenty-four - I checked out the Rhino best of comp from the Fine Arts Library at UT - & while it focuses mostly on Richman's more positive, often childlike side, it does have three tunes from that first record.  Which intrigued me.

& maybe I sought it out immediately?  I don't remember.  But I do know once I got it, I thought to myself, "Holy fuck, I could've used this when I was fifteen."  I was enamored of the record that on my first radio show, back in 1994, I began every show with the song "Girlfriend."  A girlfriend, yeah, that's something that I could understand.

In many cases, I've approached things way later than anyone else.  I have friends who had cool brothers who shared music with them.  I didn't.  I had to rely on those friends, & on my own excursions to the record store, to discover music that would ultimately mean the world to me.  Even if I got there too late.

Self Help Radio 071318: The Mails

(Original image here.)

Recently someone asked me if I had any episodes of Self Help Radio that were my favorites.  I don't know if I do, but I do know that I enjoy making some more than others.  This week's show, for example, was hella fun to do.  My interview guests were great, I like so much of the music, & what's more, I loved looking for songs about the postal service.  I tried to stay away from "letter" songs - that's probably another theme, & I've already done a show about love letters.  & I discovered that, although I wanted to maybe have a section about postcards, there are so many of those that they'll easily make another show.  I also should send more postcards, but that's neither over here nor over there.

Today's show was probably also propelled by nostalgia - I certainly used to write a lot of letters & I have many if not most of the letters I received stored in a closet somewhere.  I didn't get them out to look at them for this show, but I did daydream about writing letters again.

In any event, I hope it's a funformative (if that's a word, which it isn't) look at one of our country's great institutions.  There were so many songs!  I had to leave stuff out, like the Monty Python bit about opening a new mailbox but you can watch that here.  Michael Palin is amazing in this.

Meanwhile, have a listen to today's show, which (like I said) I enjoyed making.  It's of course at the Self Help Radio website & you will of course need the username & password available on that page to listen.  (It's SHR & selfhelp.)  All the songs & all the interviews on the show are listed below.

Oh!  & I'm sending it postage due!  Sorry.

the show:

"Mail" Morphine _B-Sides & Otherwise_
"The Postman Rides His Bike" Chemistry Set _Chemistry Set_
"Mailman Bring Me No More Blues" Buddy Holly _The Memorial Collection_

introduction & definitions

"Mailman" Roya _Roya_
"A Hymn For The Postal Service" Hefner _Breaking God's Heart_
"Mailman's Sack" Tiny Bradshaw _The Train Kept A Rollin'_
"Mailman Blues" Lloyd Price _Lawdy Miss Clawdy_
"Night Mail" Public Service Broadcasting _Inform - Educate - Entertain_

interview with mail carrier David Fructher

"US Mail" Olympics _Dance Floor Winners Vol. 1_
"Please Mister Postman" The Beatles _With The Beatles_
"Twistin' Postman" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 1: 1961_
"The Postman" The American Analog Set _Know By Heart_
"Mailman" The Legendary Pink Dots _Plutonium Blonde_

interview with entrepreneur Lorenzo Schwab

"The Mail Must Go Through" Roosevelt Grier _The Liberty Records Story_
"The Mail Will Go Through" Tom Paxton _Bulletin... We Interrupt This Record_
"Stealing People's Mail" Dead Kennedys _Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables_
"Romance By Mail" Scars _Author! Author!_
"Lost In The Post" The Wombats _Proudly Present A Guide To Love, Loss, & Desperation_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Postman's Knock" Spike Milligan _The Spike Milligan Collection_
"She Was Only The Postmaster's Daughter" Durium Dance Band _Listen To The Banned_
"Waitin For The Evenin' Mail" Sissle & Blake _Ragtime: 1900-1930_
"Mailman" The Primary 5 _Ave Marina: Ten Years Of Marina Records_
"Postal" Piano Magic _Writers Without Homes_

Marge Most interviews the inventor of e-mail

"Postal Blue" The Softies _The Softies_
"Please Mister Postman" Dorotea _Hit Music Only_
"Postman Song" Ratboys _AOID_
"Return To Sender" Elvis Presley & The Jordanaires _Girls! Girls! Girls!_
"Doggin' In The U.S. Mail" Mike Seeger & Alice Gerrard _Mike Seeger & Alice Gerrard_

conclusion

"Mailman Blues" Sleepy John Estes _Working Man's Blues_
"Hey, Mr. Postman" Ella Mae Morse _Barrelhouse, Boogie, & The Blues_
"It's Time For The Postman Rings" Martha Davis _Martha Davis 1946-1951

post mortem

Whither The Mails?

(Not that Postal Service, silly.  From here.)

Someone asked me last week, seeing this theme on my website, what I meant by "the mails."  Being the sort that likes to say shit like "the mails," I just thought it was a formal or probably English way of saying "the postal service" (although my friend thought I meant the US Postal Service plus FedEx plus UPS).  According to Merriam-Webster, it does mean:

the system used for sending letters, packages, etc. : a nation's postal system

However, the definition is preceded by this: chiefly US, law, formal

Not British at all!  Somehow involved with the law!  But very, very formal.  I'll take it!

This week is a celebration of a service that nowadays gets stuff that you ordered on Amazon to you but used to be far more important in people lives.  You can still by books that are the "collected letters" of an author - I doubt anyone's going to want to read "the collected tweets" or "the collected texts" of someone modern.  But don't quote me on that!

Listen tomorrow at noon sharp, it'll be up at the Self Help Radio website, it should be tons of fun & there are lots of good tunes & goofy guests.

Do you need me also to remind you by email?  Damn it!

Preface To The Mails: We Could Send Letters

As I have previously noted, I didn't have many friends in high school, but I did try to correspond with some of them after I went to college.  It's hard to imagine now, when people text each other the most mundane stuff, but long-distance phone calls were prohibitively expensive in those days.  My sister, who lived out of state, often made cassette tapes for my mother, & vice versa, rather than spending lots of money on telephone calls.

In my case, I wrote letters.  I wrote lots of letters.  I sometimes felt I spent way more time & energy on the letters I wrote than I could find in the letters I received, if receive them I did.  I often did not.  It seemed a weird thing to me, that I could take an hour to write something clever & get a response that took only minutes to read.  But that was the only game in town, really.  The two summers I returned to my hometown from college, I tried to write to college friends.  Most of them didn't write back.

It's hazy but I think I had pretty much given up writing people from my past by the time email rolled around.  & that revolutionized everything.  Except the whole time writing vs time reading equation.  In fact, email made correspondents even more lazy.  I would write paragraphs & get single words in response.  At least one person I loved dearly was offended by my characterizing our email exchange in that way that she never wrote to me again.  Never again!  A letter unreturned, at least, had more poignancy.

Yet I retain a fondness for the mails, for letters & postcards, & occasionally think I'll make an effort to write to folks regularly, send them packages of silly things, attempt to share something of the magic of those early days.  People don't mail much anymore.  I haven't stepped into a post office once since I've been back in Texas.  That makes me just a little sad.

P.S. This is the 2900th post on this blog.  I don't know if I meant to make a big deal of it, but I figured I should mention it.  Hooray!

Dull Drums

Self-doubt is a weird thing.  It doesn't take into account, for example, the years one plies one's craft.  It doesn't care about a personal sense of accomplishment, or the kind words of people - sometimes strangers - about what one does, what one creates.  It simply does not give a fuck.

It's a long drive between Fort Worth, where I live, & Dallas, where I do a radio show.  I like to listen to music while I drive but it's funny, the silences that happen between songs, the silences even within songs, the distractions - oh the distractions by the shitty drivers in this metromegaplex - such small spaces of time are the perfect nesting places for self-doubt.

& you know self-doubt festers.  Holy crap, it needs so very little nutrients to grow & thrive.  What does it need?  Perhaps some smidgen of a lifetime of disappointment.  What about some random feelings of neglect?  Oh I'm sure there's space for pettiness & jealousy.  When I close my eyes right now I see a section of the highway which is always clogged because it's a short path between two major highways, & I see myself sighing, trying to pay attention, as people who could not give less of a shit about anyone else jockey to be first to an exit, & that's one of the moments where one is too vulnerable, where one is too tired, where one is too distracted to not notice self-doubt barge in like the hero at the end of the movie.

Long drives, the sun beating down - summers in this part of the world are a challenge.  I have a friend who spends summers at pools, lakes, beaches if he can get to them.  I have spent the past couple of summers remembering that season in places that have other seasons.  Texas has summer & not-summer.  That's not right.  & you know what?  That's not right is also where self-doubt lives.

It's a wonder anyone gets anything done around here.  Ah, but I forget: the same environments also foster self-delusion.

Bad Wordy

The other day or night, I was listening to some new singles on the computer, on the Bandcamp, & I came across one of them, in Spanish, that I was digging, & I used the Google Translate to Google translate the words (because I don't know Spanish) & holy smokes it was filled with bad words!  Not only that, a translation of the performer's name - you know, he called himself something other than his given name - that was indecent, too!

It seems that most if not all languages have profanity but it surprises me that some of them have analogs in English.  & not just one!  Sometimes the profanity has to do with context.

For example, back in my KOOP days in Austin, I for a time did Self Help Radio after a program called "The Pilot Show."  It was a show where new folks who came to the station had the chance to show the listening audience what kind of show they would do if they were to get a regular slot.  Sometimes the show would be Spanish-language, as we had several Spanish-language programs.

One day there was a group of young men who were doing something I guessed was political.  They were constantly referring to each other as cabron.  Google The Translate actually translate that as "dumbass" but I was told by the older gentlemen there (who could speak Spanish) that the word meant "goat."

Fast forward years later, I was watching a movie - darn, I had thought it was a John Sayles movie but I guess it wasn't - about new immigrants living in Los Angeles, & much of the dialogue was in Spanish, but helpfully translated for lazy viewers like me.  Every time - every time - someone used the word cabron, it was translated on the screen as "motherfucker."  From goat to dumbass to motherfucker - that's a hell of a journey.

The upshot is, I can't say this performer's name on the air, though I am going to play one of his songs on the Tuesday Morning Blend tomorrow.  What performer?  You'll have to listen to find out, you silly goat you.

Self Help Radio 070618: Sorrow

(Suloni Robertson designed the SHR logo; the cartoon tear I added is clip art.)

Things are bad.  Things may get worse.  & then there's sorrow.  I mean, there's already sorrow.  But sorrow can increase.  Sorrow can overwhelm.  Sorrow can bury.

But what can we do?  I dunno, maybe a radio show about sorrow?  I know that seems glib.  But frankly it's about all I can do.  Not the least I can do.  The most I can do.  Another radio show.  This time one about sorrow.

& maybe a radio show can help heal.  Or maybe it'll exacerbate things.  I can't say.  I'm like an alternative medicine guy when it comes to the healing powers of radio: you try to fix everything with the same thing.  In this case, it's sorrow.  But maybe a radio show about bunions can help with one's bunions.  It's not like I have faith in any of this.

So let's heal all our sorrow with a radio show about sorrow.  Or maybe just listen to it for the music & the goofy interviews & other funnies.  Don't ask me.  I'm not a psychologist.  I just started writing stuff & now I'm in way over my head.

Listen to this week's Self Help Radio over at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll be asked for a username & a password.  Those are SHR & selfhelp.  Caps sensitive.  It's a little over two sorrowful hours long.  The songs played as well as the interviews are listed below.

"Sorrow" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"Sorrow" Nits _dA dA dA_
"Sorrow" Broder Daniel _Broder Daniel_

introductions & definitions

"Sorrow" The National _High Violet_
"Sorrow" Frankie Rose _Herein Wild_
"Sorrow" Life Without Buildings _Any Other City_
"Don't Interrupt The Sorrow" Joni Mitchell _The Hissing Of Summer Lawns_

interview with filmmaker David Fruchter

"In My Time Of Sorrow" Marianne Faithfull _Marianne Faithfull's Greatest Hits_
"Surround Yourself With Sorrow" Cilla Black _The Best Of Cilla Black_
"Don't See The Sorrow" Au Revoir Simone _The Bird Of Music_
"Sorrowful Blues" Little Brother Montgomery _Complete Recorded Works (1930-1936)_
"Heart In Sorrow" Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee _Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry Sing_

interview with psychologist Dr. Chuck Charles

"Bruised Orange (Chain Of Sorrow)" Justin Vernon _Broken Hearts & Dirty Windows (Songs Of John Prine)_
"Sorrow's Child" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _The Good Son_
"Sorrow Is The Way To Love" Carousel _I Forgot To Remember To Forget_
"Sorrows Arms" Honey Child _Honey Child_
"Fucking In Rhythm & Sorrow" Sugarcubes _Life's Too Good_

a discussion of literary conceptions of sorrow (interrupted)

"You Brought Sorrow To My Heart" Johnny Bond & His Red River Valley Boys _Country & Western: Johnny Bond Standard Transcriptions_
"Man Of Constant Sorrow" Bob Dylan _Bob Dylan_
"Pilgrim Of Sorrow" The Wright Specials _The Complete Motown Singles: 1962_
"Little Miss Sorrow, Child Of Tomorrow" Herman's Hermits _There's A Kind Of Hush (All Over The World)_
"Dawn Of Sorrow" The New Society _The Barock Sound Of The New Society_

closing & goodbye

"Mr. Sorrowful" Hurrah! _Tell God I'm Here_
"Sorrow Floats" Voice Of The Beehive _Let It Bee_
"Daughters Of Sorrow" The New Pornographers _Together_

post mortem

Whither Sorrow?

(Yow! I found this picture here!)

Are you sad?  I mean, really, really sad?  What you might be experiencing is sorrow.  Yeah, I bolded that word.  & if you're experiencing sorrow (still bold), then you might need a radio show about it.

But, you may ask, will this radio show help me with my sorrow?  Probably not.  The radio show is done, as usual, by a silly man with his goofy friends, & features mainly songs about the show's theme, which, this week, is sorrow.  It's not a show run by trained professionals who work with people who suffer from depression or otherwise need help with sadness, unhappiness, or sorrow.  Really, I suggest you look for help someplace else.

However, if you want to wallow, if you really want to listen to lots of songs about sorrow, & people (mainly me) talking about sorrow, & silly skits & funny interviews (ha ha!) about sorrow, then this week's Self Help Radio might be for you!

You may have noticed in the last paragraph the word "sorrow" was no longer presented in bold type.  That's because we ran out of bold.  This show is being run on a shoestring budget.  It's embarrassing.

Sorrow tomorrow on Self Help Radio at noon.  Find your way to the very depressing Self Help Radio website (or the Facebook page or the Twitter page or even here which will lead you to the Self Help Radio website) & listen to two hours of talk & songs about sorrow.  You may find a way to bold that word again.

Preface To Sorrow: Happy Birthday America!

(I found this on Tumblr somewhere.)

Over on Facebook, where they let you relive your "on this day" memories, I noticed a pattern: for a few years there, I would say, on the Fourth Of July, "Happy Birthday, America.  You're old."  Or some semblance of that.

As this country continues to look & act less & less like I always thought it would, I feel like I should continue that tradition as long as we have a country, which may for all I know not be long.  So:

Happy birthday, America!  Wow you're old.

Low In High School

On Facebook last week I succumbed to one of those "do this & tag your friends to do it too" things that were way more popular in the early days of Facebook then they are now.  I was waiting for my wife to return from Jazzercise & didn't want to start doing something (listening to a record, picking up a book) that could be interrupted if I were really into it.

The task: "Tell us about your final year of high school."  So I did.

Year: 1985-1986

1. Did you know your spouse?
Nope. She was in California, in elementary school.

2. Did you skip school?
Probably. My mother worked so if my little brother & I didn't want to, we'd make an excuse about being sick & she couldn't check on us.

3. What kind of car did you have?
A 1976 Ford Granada. Already on its last legs, er, wheels.

4. It's FRIDAY night where are you?
Probably driving around with my pal Joe listening to music & talking about life.

5. What kind of job did you have?
I worked at a Mobil gas station for half the year, & sometimes at my family's convenience store.

6. Were you a party animal?
Ha ha ha no.

7. Were you considered a jock?
Ha ha ha no.

8. Were you in choir, band or orchestra?
Ha ha ha no.

9. Were you a nerd?
I spent all my money on records & comic books. What do you think?

10. Did you get suspended?
Nope, I was a good boy.

11. Can you sing the fight/school song?
Yes. Off key.*

12. Where did you eat?
I wasn't a vegetarian yet, so probably fast food crap.**

13. Where was your high school?
Garland, Texas. It's still there as far as I can tell.

14. What was your school mascot?
A racist Civil War Colonel.***

15. If you could go back and do it over again, would you?
God, no.

16. Do you still talk to the person you went to prom with?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha I didn't go to prom.

17.Are you planning on going to the next high school reunion?
I haven't been to any of them, & don't really talk to anyone from my high school.

18. Are you still in contact with people from high school?
Not really. A couple, one who left in ninth grade, another who was in the grade before mine. I am surprised when I look back how few people I knew back then, but I know so few people now so I guess it's not that much of a surprise.

19. What happened to question 19? Am I supposed to make something up? Okay, how about this: do you know if anyone you went to high school is dead now? ****
Yes! There's an entire web site for my school (not just my class) called "Fallen Colonels" & I occasionally check there to see if anyone I know has died. But of course I didn't really know anyone, so if I recognize anyone, it's just a name. I think we've lost ten out of 435 but I haven't checked recently.*****

20. Do you know where your high school sweetheart is?
Ha ha ha ha ha I didn't have a high school sweetheart.******

21. What was your favorite subject?
I used to hang out in the library with a couple of friends during lunch, that seemed to be the most fun I had.*******

22. Do you still have your class ring?
I would never have even thought about buying a class ring.********

23. Do you still have your yearbook?
Yeah, in a box in a closet.

Interesting?  No?  Notes on my answers below.

* It's pretty simple: "All hail to thee, to our alma mater sing, long may your power & glory ring, forever true, our hearts will be, our school South Garland High, all hail to thee."  The last "all hail to thee" was shouted with forceful pointing of the outstretched hand.  You can see it here.
** I'm embarrassed to say I spent some of my disposable income on junk food, especially Jack-In-The-Box.  If you told my seventeen year old self that in a year he'd be a vegetarian, he would've laughed.

*** I went into this more a few years back on the blog.

**** The original Facebook thing didn't have a question 19.  I don't know if the previous person omitted it or if there never was one.

***** The site is

****** My first kiss happened at the tail-end of high school, but I'm friends with her on Facebook & I think she might be a little offended if I called her my high-school sweetheart.  So she probably wasn't.

******* I was fond of English & history, though.  I went on to major in English in college.

******** My mother got a class ring thing in the mail & seemed to want to buy me one.  I told her I would never wear it & she should save the money.  I think I hurt her feelings.  I don't know if any of my siblings (four of whom graduated from the same school) ever got class rings.

A Burgh Of Pitts

That's where I was most of last week: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  Why, you may ask?  The wife had business there.  I came along because it's nice to go to places you've never been to, isn't it?

Here's a picture of the town from the Wikipedia entry about Pittsburgh:

Yeah, I took a bunch of pictures of the town, but when I get around to looking at them, they'll probably be on the the Self Help Radio Tumblr page in a few months.  The pics I like.  They probably won't be too touristy.

One thing I realized is that - I should've realized this before - I am very lucky I married someone who's as much of a foodie as I am.  We ate at these places: B52 Cafe, Onion Maiden, & Apteka, to mention the three great vegan places we went to.  We found vegan options in other places, all delicious.

Mainly we haunted the museums but did manage some walks through some neighborhoods.  It reminded me a very little of Huntington (although I must stress except for mainly the hills & trees, nothing about the place felt Appalachian), a very lot of Cincinnati, with maybe some of the industrial spirit of Chicago.  I like that it's close to Columbus.  There's a part of me that wishes I had discovered the city a long time before now.

One sad thing is that I used to have a friend who lived in Pittsburgh but I lost touch with her, & very surprisingly, especially since we met online, she has almost no online presence.  But also, my last email exchange with her was like fourteen years ago.  I almost went to the address she used to live at but thought better of it.  Anyway.  It's strange to be in a place where you know (or you think you know) someone you've been friends with lives but because of stupid time & other things you've lost touch & you can't find them.  But I suppose it must've been worse in the past.

It's crazy, I'd love to go back but also there are so many places I've just never been so shouldn't I go there first?  I think so.  But thank you, Pittsburgh.  I'm sorry I never paid much attention to you.  It makes me wonder what other places I should be paying attention to.

Self Help Radio 062918: There Is No Self Help Radio 062918

Get it?

Oh crap I ruined it.

Damn it all.

Whither - Oh There's No Show This Week, Sorry

It's true, I'm not anywhere I can put a show together but I'm elsewhere at the moment.  Well, I'm here, because where else would I be but it's not the here that I'm usually at.  "Where you are is where you're at," right?  Or something like that?  I'm not really where I generally am, is the point I'm trying to make.  So, no show.

Also, no "whither" entry for the blog.  Except this is...  I mean, this would be...  Well, poops.

There are some things I'd like to get off my chest while you're here.  Like, air travel.  What a mess.  Wait!  Where are you going?  I have some solutions!  Wait!  Wait!

Poops!

Stop, Plug A Minute

In a few minutes, I'll going somewhere else for a couple of days (it's why there's no show this week) so I thought that I'd spend a second with a short list of links that you may use to occupy your time if you regularly expect a Self Help Radio once a week.  I know no one like that exists but if it's all right with you, I'll just pretend.

You can listen to the radio station where I deejay in Dallas, KNON.  It's a great community radio station with a lot of different shows, which you can see on the schedule.

If something there strikes your fancy, you can sample any show at Radio Free America.  (That's also where you can sample the last two weeks of the show I do.)

You may also enjoy the two stations that aired Self Help Radio in Kentucky, the student-run WRFL & the community-based WLXU.  It seems like it was only yesterday there'd be a new Self Help Radio on Wednesday nights in Lexington - but it's been like two months.

Of course, there are well over fifty old episodes of Self Help Radio (all of the shows from the past year, for instance) on the Self Help Radio website.  Remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp to listen.  Most of the shows are from the WLXU days but some shows go back way into the WRFL & even KOOP past.

It would be swell if you'd follow the show on Twitter & like the show on Facebook, & look at dumb pictures I took on Tumblr.  I imagine there would be some diverting moments there.  Or not?

That's all.  I'll miss you this week.  But I'll be back next week with a show about sorrow.  Because I feel the need to be cheery in your presence.

But Maybe Listen To More Self Help Radio?

(Image, of course, from Toothpaste For Dinner.)

Emails I Delete & Never Open

Just now - I suppose it happens every Monday about this time - I got an email from Tumblr that spotlights like five different Tumblr blogs.  It says something like "The Five Blogs Of Your Future," or "Your Blog Cravings, Satisfied."  I never read it, I just delete it.  I mean, maybe I can unsubscribe from it if I open & read it?  But naw.  I just delete it.

My brain just asked me, what if your blog were on that list?  The chances that the Self Help Radio Tumblr Blog would end up on a list like that are vanishingly small, what with its 29 followers who never like any of my photos.  Maybe a Tumblr blog for a radio show shouldn't be putting up photos like it's a fucking Instagram account but anyway.

Or wait, what if it had been on that list previously, & anyone who saw it was like, "Oh shit, worst Tumblr blog ever"?  That would be an appropriate response, but again, it's so very unlikely.

It's not just Tumblr notifications I delete.  I delete stuff from Paypal, from charities I've given to (or the ones that I took surveys for that were designed to just get on their mailing lists), from newspapers I've created accounts for.  I'm certain all those have unsubscribe buttons, & occasionally I do unsubscribe, but mostly I just delete without reading.

It's funny, I don't pay attention to those emails but I do like to read the emails from my spam mailbox.  There's one spam I get regularly which says "subscribe from all our lists here."  Maybe that's why I think it doesn't matter if I unsubscribe from any lists - it's all a scam.

But confidentially, I suspect the reason that I don't mind getting the emails is that I don't really get any emails anymore.  It's nice to know my inbox is getting some action.  It makes me feel bad for all those folks I never bothered to write back to twenty years ago or more.  I thought I'd always have correspondents!  What hubris!