Preface To Illusion: My Friend Who Hates Magic

The truth is, I don't have an opinion either way about magic or magicians - I've been entertained by them but I don't know if I'd pay to see one.  On the whole, it takes quite a bit for me to actively dislike something.  But some people hate magicians.

There's that David Cross bit where he describes the magician mural at some airport - is it the Seattle airport? - & his other joke with the punchline, "Yeah, that's my card.  Can I go now?"  That seems more my style - not anger or anything, just kind of weariness, especially with run-of-the-mill types.

Maybe it's because I never learned magic as a kid.  No one ever bought me one of those kits, or one of those books.  I never even learned how to shuffle cards properly.

But I have a friend who despises magicians.  His blood pressure gets up to stroke-worthy levels when he's just near one.  He will cross the street rather than have to walk by a street magician & possibly get roped into one of their tricks.

& there was one time, at a trendy Austin brunch place, we were enjoying our meal & there was a magician there (for some reason)* & he was making the rounds, doing card tricks from table-to-table.  I couldn't see him - my back was to most of the cafe - but my friend obviously could see him & he was unable to carry on a conversation because he was steeling himself for the moment when this itinerant conjurer found his way to our corner table.

But he eventually did, & when he stopped & got our attention & started to ask, "Would anyone like to see...?" my friend exploded like the pressure cooker he was & said, loud enough to be heard back in the kitchen, "NO!!!!!!"

The magician, possibly used to such hate, smiled & went on his way, but I couldn't help bursting out in laughter.  Even if my friend had been molested by some perverted prestidigitator in his youth**, the reaction was so overblown as to be comical.

You know, I keep meaning to get him a magician for his birthday one year.  Well.  There's always next year!

* My friend also hates the musicians that play soothing guitar or whatever at restaurants.  He hates feeling obligated to tip them.
** He wasn't.

Something New To Learn Every Day

A couple weeks back, I revisited an old theme, my favorite music from the year 1969.  On that show, I played a song from Joni Mitchell's album Clouds, which was released that year.  Today, I was browsing a web site which mentioned Joni Mitchell & noticed that one of the songs on that record - it wasn't the song I played - "Both Sides Now" - is apparently so beloved it's been covered by dozens if not hundreds of people.

The song has its own Wikipedia page in which Mitchell herself is quoted as saying, "I had no idea that the song would become as popular as it did."  Is it weird that until today, just by a random look at a web site, I had no idea the song was as popular as it is?

That page - the Wikipedia page - I'm linking to it again - lists ninety-some-odd covers of the song.

Where have I been?  Do I just not listen to the folky/soft rock-y types of music where I would find those covers?  I mean, I know Judy Collins' famous version, but that's about it.

What I wish was on the Wikipedia page was a guesstimate of how much money Joni Mitchell has made from that one song.  Surely it's in the millions now.  Right?  A song that popular can make one a millionaire, can't it?  It's as old as I am, & there are dozens - if not hundreds - of covers of it!

That's something I didn't know that I learned today.  It has nothing to do with anything, but it sure was jarring.

Something I already knew but was reiterated to me today: the vegan pizza game in Portland is strong.

Radio Radio

So, I've done a lot of radio recently - perhaps it's true I'm a boy who can't say no - but this week I just wanted to do Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute & otherwise take it easy.  But.  I'm a boy who can't say no, so I was asked to sub a show Tuesday, & I did.

You know you can hear this week's Self Help Radio at the website.  Cool.

& you can listen to this week's Sugar Substitute (for the next two weeks) over at its space on the XRAY website.

But did you know you could hear me flail around on the radio on a Wednesday afternoon subbing for the show Borrowed Time on the XRAY website - oh.  Apparently I did something wrong.  So you can't listen to that show online.

Well.  I'm not sure what happened.  So.  Never mind.

Self Help Radio 101419: Comfort

(Original image here.)

The big question is, is Self Help Radio a comfort zone?  Or a discomfort zone?  Or is it, as my wife might say, a place full comfortableness, or uncomfortableness?  Or all three?  Wait, what's the third one?  This conversation is getting...  well, it doesn't make any sense.

& that's probably the nicest thing you can say about this week's show, which purports to be about comfort.  You know, consolation, solace, sympathy.  Can a radio show be comforting?  Or can it simply be about comfort?  Would I have gotten a corporate sponsorship if I had done the show remotely from a Comfort Inn?  The closest one has this recent review: "This hotel is not in the nicest area of Portland, however it is close to Interstate access."  It was a miss opportunity to be sure.

You can listen, comfort be damned, when you want at the Self Help Radio web site.  Username SHR, password selfhelp.  Lots of songs & interviews, all noted below.  Just make yourself comfortable.  Then listen.  It might be the same thing.

Self Help Radio Comfort Show
"Welcome To The Meditation (Please Get Comfortable)" Eugene Mirman _I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)_
"Comfort" The June Brides _Every Conversation: The Story Of The June Brides & Phil Wilson_
"Comfort" Makthaverskan _III_

introduction & definitions

"Comfort Me" Carla Thomas _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"Comfort You" Van Morrison _Veedon Fleece_
"Make Yourself Comfortable" Andy Griffith _American Originals_
"Built For Comfort" Willie Dixon _Willie's Blues_
"Angels Come To Comfort You" Black Francis _Bluefinger_

interview with Brad Benoit of Comfort Conformity

"Comfort Zone" The Murlocs _Manic Candid Episode_
"Discomfort" The Mess Makers _Antipodean Screams, Vol. 2_
"Rest Comfortably" Quiet World _Electric Asylum, Vol. 4: Rock Hard British Freakrock_
"Creature Comfort" Woods _City Sun Eater In The River Of Light_
"Creatures Of Comfort" Deep Sea Diver _Secrets_

lawyer Bobcat Sloan interrupts!

"Comfortably Numb" Graham Parker _A Fair Forgery Of Pink Floyd_
"Comfortably Tucked Up Inside" The Minders _Hooray For Tuesday_
"Comfort & Crazy" Guy Clark _Craftsman_
"Southern Comfortable" Ruthann Friedman _Hurried Life: Lost Recordings 1965-1971_
"Southern Comfort" Johnny Cash _The Ragged Old Flag_

interview with my friend David, who makes me very uncomfortable

"Comfortable Again" Partnerships _Double Love Suicide_
"Too Close For Comfort" Poison Girls _Statement: The Complete Recordings_
"Too Close For Comfort" Peggy Lee _Pretty Eyes_
"Mother Stands For Comfort" Kate Bush _Hounds Of Love_
"Comfort In Light" The High Violets _Heroes & Halos_

closing & goodbye

"My Comfort Remains" Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan & Michael Brook _Night Song_
"Cold Comfort (Deepsky Remix)" Curve _The New Adventures Of Curve_

Whither Comfort?

(Apparently you can buy comfort in a plastic bottle, ultra-concentrated.  Image from here.)

This week Self Help radio gets comfortable.  Not really.  At core it's an uncomfortable show.  But it makes an attempt at comfort.  Will it get too close for comfort?  Yes, it will.  Will it travel very far outside its comfort zone?  No, it will not.  It will attempt to surround itself with creature comforts, but you can take comfort in the fact that it will stay mostly the same, which is cold comfort indeed.

That's tomorrow, Monday, October 14, 6-8am PST, on 90.3/89.3 fm Freeform Portland, freeformportland.org.  Come in, make yourself comfortable, it'll be two hours of comfort.  Until, probably, it becomes a tad bit uncomfortable.  Like it generally does.

Preface To Comfort: One Last Radio Show For The Week

This late afternoon I subbed a show on KBOO called Blues Junction, which purports to play "urban & country blues with R&B, soul, jazz, zydeco, & classic rock."  I didn't play much zydeco or classic rock, or any really, but I did play some old & new blues plus soul & R&B.  You can listen to the show here & see the playlist & what-not.

There is a caveat: I was not on my game.  I mixed up my CDs two or three times, I left the mic on when I took a giveaway, I generally flubbed a few transitions.  So I apologize a lot.  I apologize now! Four radio shows on three stations in six days is apparently too much for me!

Trifecta

One of the things that I do which keeps me busy is I volunteer to help out at for the music library of two stations in town.  The truth is, I'd volunteer at all three except the third meets on Sunday nights, which I simply can't do because of my early Monday morning show.

At one of the stations at which I volunteer this week, after I finished music librarying, I got to chatting with a staff member who said she had known people who have done shows at two stations, but never one at three.  She said I had hit the Portland community radio station trifecta.

"Ah," I said, "but I don't do a show at KBOO."

"Yes," she said, "but you have subbed shows at KBOO."

"I dunno," I said.  "I don't think it really counts until I have a regular gig there."

"Didn't you say," she asked, "that you'll be helping out with people doing new shows?"

"Oh yeah," I said, "I'll be overseeing them while they do their first shows, to demonstrate what kind of show they want to do."

"I think," she said, "that sounds like a regular gig at KBOO."

Well, damn.  Trifecta.

Sugar Substitute (Episode 167)

Oh hey, you can listen to my episode of Sugar Substitute, the more-or-less freeform show I do on XRAY FM, right over here.  I can't say I recommend the show.  I felt a little out of sorts.

But hey!  I made a logo.  It looks like this:

I need to make it more square to fit with the schedule on the XRAY website.  As well, I need to put a show description up.  I have too much to do!

Self Help Radio 100719: 1969 Revisited (The 17th Anniversary Show)

(Most images from Discogs but a couple from Wikipedia.)

Seventeen years!  Here is, according to this webiste, a list of mammals that don't live seventeen years in captivity - so some may life longer in the wild, but others probably don't:

Antelope - Badger - Bat - Fox - Goat (!) - Guinea Pig - Hare - Mole - Mouse - Nutria - Opossum - Otter - Porpoise - Rabbit - Raccoon - Reindeer - Sheep - Squirrel - Wolf

For me, I choose to believe that porpoises live forever when they're allowed to swim free.

Here's a continuation of my favorite music from 1969.  I could make an entire three more shows, each focusing on stuff I love from the year but didn't play this time - I could do an entire psychedelic show & a jazz show, & probably a country show too.  Maybe when I get to a certain point, I can revisit the revisited themes, maybe in one hundred years, or when I'm put in the Matrix, whichever comes first.  Unless...  Am I in the Matrix now?

The show is of course waiting for your discerning ears at Self Help Radio dot net.  It's all music this week, no interviews or other nonsense.  You'll need a username - try "SHR" - without the quotes - & a password - try "selfhelp" - also without the quotes.  & check out what I played below.

Seventeen years!  Does that mean puberty is over?

Self Help Radio 1969 Revisited Show
"Chelsea Morning" Joni Mitchell _Clouds_
"Walk On By" Isaac Hayes _Hot Buttered Soul_
"Fuga No. 2" Mutantes _Mutantes_

"Always See Your Face" Love _Four Sail_
"It Hurts Me Too" Karen Dalton _It's So Hard To Tell Who's Going To Love You The Best_
"I'm Movin' On" Elvis Presley _From Elvis In Memphis_
"Je T'Aime... Moi, Non Plus" Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin _Jane Birkin et Serge Gainsbourg_
"The World's Strongest Man" Scott Walker _Scott 4_

"Kick Out The Jams" The MC5 _Kick Out The Jams_
"Pinball Wizard" The Who _Tommy_
"Venus" Shocking Blue _Venus_
"Space Oddity" David Bowie _David Bowie_
"Gimme Shelter" The Rolling Stones _Let It Bleed_

"The Ralph Spoilsport Mantrum" The Firesign Theater _How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere at All_
"Ali Baba's Camel" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Tadpoles_
"Sing" Bruce Haack _The Electronic Record For Children_
"Everyday People" Sly & The Family Stone _Stand!_
"Live Wire" The Meters _The Meters_

"Lay Lady Lay" Bob Dylan _Nashville Skyline_
"Waiting Around To Die" Townes Van Zandt _Townes Van Zandt_
"Rehearsals For Retirement" Phil Ochs _Rehearsals For Retirement_
"Down By The River" Neil Young _Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere_

"Cold Turkey" Plastic Ono Band _Cold Turkey_
"Willie The Pimp" Frank Zappa _Hot Rats_

Whither 1969 Revisited?

(Trailer for the wrong 1969 show.  Go here to see that one.)

Self Help Radio premiered on KOOP radio in Austin, Texas, at 3pm on Wednesday, October 9, 2002. Around six years later, on Friday, October 17, 2008, the show started revisiting old themes to celebrate its anniversary.  That's what's happening this week.

On Wednesday, January 19, 2005 (the day before my thirty-seventh birthday), Self Help Radio celebrated my favorite music from 1969.  (I do that every year around my birthday, celebrate a different year; I started in 1968, the year of my birth, & have been working my way up chronologically every year since then.)  The show at the time was only one hour long, so there wasn't a great deal of time to cover all the music I love from 1969.  As well, I didn't have a good resource for what exactly was released in 1969.  I got most of the songs right, but I missed a lot.  & that's what these anniversary shows attempt to correct.

There won't be any songs from the first 1969 show - consider this show an addition to that show.  & it'll happen tomorrow morning - Monday, October 7, 2019 - from 6-8 am on Freeform Portland, 90.3 + 98.3 fm in the city, online everywhere at that web site linked earlier in this sentence.

Listen, even if your parents weren't even born in 1969!  (I am so fucking old.)

Preface To 1969 Revisited: Top Ten Singles Of 1969

Like I did yesterday, I'll run down the top ten singles on Rate Your Music's site.  By the way, the coolest thing about the site is that the lists are dynamic - they change all the time.  I occasionally go back & check & find it amazing that some votes can move an album up or down two or three places.  So this list might be wrong in a week or a month.  But here's what it is now:

01 The Beatles, "Something" / "Come Together"
02 David Bowie, "Space Oddity" / "Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud"
03 King Crimson, "The Court Of The Crimson King (Parts 1 & 2)"
04 The Stooges, "I Wanna Be Your Dog" / "1969"
05 The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy For The Devil" / "Prodigal Son"
06 The Jackson 5, "I Want You Back" / "Who's Lovin You"
07 The Kinks, "The Village Green Preservation Society" / "Do You Remember Walter?"
08 Simon & Garfunkel, "The Boxer" / "Baby Driver"
09 Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Fortunate Son" / "Down On The Corner"
10 The Kinks, "Shangrila" / "This Man He Weeps Tonight"

Nice to see so much Kinks love on the site!  Their album Arthur came out in 1969, & I played something from it on the previous 1969 show.

Also nice to see Stooges love.  I played "1969" on the first 1969 show because it just seemed too appropriate.

For some reason - I mentioned this yesterday - I didn't play the Stones on the first show.  That will be remedied.

& I wasn't aware of the status of the Jackson 5 single when I did the first show, & I agree it's a good song - I just can't in good conscience play anything associated with Michael Jackson on the radio anymore - even the pre-molesting children stuff.  I believe it's all been quite tainted.

Oh yes I count myself fortunate that no one reads this blog or know anything about this show because I imagine there'd be some angry reactions to that, & maybe to this: I never much cared for CCR.  Since they're classic rock, I know all their hits, like "Down On The Corner" & "There's A Bathroom On The Right," but it's not something I enjoy hearing nor want to revisit it.  Please note: I'm not saying "It's bad."  I don't believe that.  I just don't like it.  If you like it, fine.  I don't have any feelings about your opinions or your taste in any way.

That's enough of that.  I must go put a show about 1969 together now.

Top Ten

When I do these "favorite music of a certain year" shows, I generally use the website Rate Your Music as a guide for what was released that year.  I don't believe I used the site for the first few times I did my favorite music of the year shows - I know this because I missed some people from 1969 - Phil Ochs, for example - whom I wouldn't have left off the original show if I had a better resource for releases from that year.  In any event, here are the current top ten releases as voted on by Rate Your Music listeners*:

01 King Crimson, In The Court Of The Crimson King
02 The Beatles, Abbey Road
03 Miles Davis, In A Silent Way
04 Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin
05 Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin II
06 Frank Zappa, Hot Rats
07 The Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground
08 Nick Drake, Five Leaves Left
09 The Rolling Stones, Let It Bleed
10 Neil Young, Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Of that list, only three - the Beatles, the Velvets, & Nick Drake - made the original 1969.  It's a bit baffling to me that I forgot about Neil Young.  That's one of my favorite records of all time.

The show this week will include four more from that list, & you won't hear three at all.  As I discussed on the show's Facebook page, I'm not so much a fan of that King Crimson record, & I have never much liked Led Zeppelin despite the fact that I could probably sing along with most of the songs on the two records thanks to the relentless playing of that band on FM radio as I was growing up.

You'll notice I've refrained from saying things like "that band sucks."  It's weird to me when people say that, & my brain only hears that as "I don't like that band."  I read a recent Facebook rant by someone I know about some recently dead artist & they were asking questions like, "Did anyone really like that artist?"  Like-minded people piled on (so much for only saying nice things about the dead) but no one pointed out that that artist had many hits, sold-out stadiums, & continues to get played on classic rock radio.  So, yeah, people did like that artist.  Of course they did!  How else to explain the outpouring of sadness & sympathy at his death?  Just because the author of the rant didn't like the artist, though, it seemed unbelievable that anyone liked him.

That's a kind of internet pathology that I avoid.  Opinions are just opinions.  That some people are threatened by other people's opinions is something I find fascinating.

In any event - I am just playing musicians on the show this week that I like & whom I seem to have forgotten - or didn't have time to play - the first time around.  & I won't say anyone sucks.  That's the sort of thing sucky people do.

* The entire list is here.

Sugar Substitute (Episode 166)

Wouldya look at that.  My first show on XRAY FM is actually the 166th episode of Sugar Substitute! How weird these things are!

The first episode of Sugar Substitute aired on August 4, 2009, on WMUL in Huntington, West Virginia.  The station had given me a three-hour block of time, & I didn't even want to think about how difficult it would be to make a three-hour-long episode of Self Help Radio.  So I split the block in half - I had been doing a ninety-minute version of SHR in Austin - & for the rest of the time, I played indie music under the moniker "Sugar Substitute."

The name comes from a song by the late, great Austin band Luxuriator, & I use their song (with their permission) in the intro.

The show was brought with me to Lexington, & when I was given yet another three-hour block, I did the same chrono-surgery.  When I decided - probably when I got the Monday morning show sometime in 2012 - to expand Self Help Radio to two hours, I shortened Sugar Substitute to sixty minutes.

At some point, more aggressive recruitment led to more students on the air, & the three-hour timeslots were mostly done.  I retired Sugar Substitute in 2015 or so.

When I was asked to do a show on XRAY, I had a couple choices - I could move SHR over from Freeform, or I could've done any number of shows I've done before - or a new show with a new name!  But I figured I'd stick with my love of indie, postpunk, punk, & related stuff, & it seemed natural to call the show Sugar Substitute again.

With that giant preamble, I wanted to let you know that you can listen to the show anytime by clicking here.  It's archived on the XRAY page.  You don't have to look at the dumb Self Help Radio website at all!

Self Help Radio 093019: Postcards

(I know, I know, it's like the show is sending a postcard to itself.  But who else does it have to write to?  Original image here.)

Oh man, I wrote so many postcards today.  I'm well on my way to carpal tunnel.  Which is not to be confused with the carpool tunnel, which will get you someplace faster but you need to have friends to ride with, &, alas, you don't.

There's not much to say about postcards.  We've been using them for barely one hundred & fifty years but they may go the way of other media supplanted by the internet.  Unless!  Has anyone thought of digital postcards?  Oh, they have.  Of course.  No, I didn't think I was the first to think of it.  I did not!  I wasn't fantasizing about selling the idea to an anonymous corporation for filthy lucre.  I was not!

On the show I made the promise that if you sent me an address to send you a postcard, I will do so.  You can do that, too, if you didn't listen: just write gary at self help radio dot net & I'll send ya something in the mail!  A postcard, I mean.

The show is available now at the Self Help Radio website.  It's one giant file this week, you can see what happens on the show below.  Username is SHR, password is selfhelp.

Do you have any stamps?

Self Help Radio Postcards Show
"Postcard" Blossom Toes _If Only For A Moment_
"Postcard" The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Urban Spaceman_
"Postcard" The Who _Odds & Sods_

introduction, definition, & history

"Postcard" Partly Cloudy _Excess Verbiage_
"Postcard" Pere Ubu _Story Of My Life_
"Postcard" Blurt _Celebrating The Bespoke Cell Of Little Ease_
"Postcard" The Simpletons _Matter_
"The Postcard" Stephen Duffy _I Love My Friends_

interview with postcard writer David Fruchter

"Postcard" The Afternoon Naps _Sunbeamed_
"Postcards" Treetop Flyers _The Mountain Moves_
"Postcard" Hailer _Another Way_
"Postcard" Letting Up Despite Great Faults _Untogether_
"The Postcard" I Am The World Trade Center _The Tight Connection_

interview with artisanal postcard maker Claude Grommitt

"Send Me A Postcard" Shocking Blue _We Can Fly, Vol. 3_
"Postcard From Waterloo" Tom Verlaine _Words From The Front_
"Postcard From Far Away" Half Japanese _The Band That Would Be King_
"Postcard From Madrid" Happydeadmen _Classics - A Decade In Pop_
"Postcard To Nina" Jens Lekman _Night Falls Over Kortedala_

interview with Oliver Whitehall, who send postcards to world leaders

"Every Day Is Like Sunday" Morrissey _Viva Hate_
"Guess How Much I Love You" The Lucksmiths _A Good Kind Of Nervous_
"Postcards On Sunday" The Bartlebees _What Is It All About?_
"Postcards To Strangers" Moustache Of Insanity _Postcards To Strangers_
"Postcard Picture Perfect" The Fairways _Is Everything All Right?_

conclusion & goodbye

"Postcard View" Watermelon Men _Wildflowers_
"Postcards From Tiny Islands" The Walkmen _You & Me_
"Postcard From The Grave" The Untamed _Strange Unknown_
"Postcard From Heaven" CJ Ramone _The Holy Spell..._
"Carte Postale" George Pringle _Salon Des Refusés_

Whither Postcards?

(Image from here.)

There are actually two reasons why this week's Self Help Radio has the theme "postcards."

The first reason is that a year or so ago I did a show about "the mails," which is to say all things related to the postal service.  (The playlist is here.)  In addition to songs about mail carriers & letters, I collected songs about postcards - I thought I might get enough to do a postcard set.  It turns out there were a lot of songs about postcards.  So I put them aside, intending to do a show one day about postcards.

The second reason is that Jenny reminded me that I was going to do a show about postcards at some point so why not now?  I dusted off the old folder, looked for more postcard songs, & viola!  There'll be a Self Help Radio show about postcards tomorrow.

That'll be from 6-8am Pacific time on 90.3 + 98.3 fm Freeform Portland & online at freeformportland.org.

Gosh, I just hope I have enough stamps!

Preface To Postcards: I Shoulda Sent You A Postcard

Damn, I didn't send you a postcard.  I passed a few shops, you know, & even went in, but although I looked at the postcards, I didn't buy one.  I don't think I even considered it.

But I did think of you!  You were on my mind when I saw the sights, I was thinking it would be fun if you were here.  We would've had a great time.  & that's it, really - I was just having such a great time, I didn't want to interrupt it to have to say "I'm having a great time!" on a postcard.

Still, I should've sent you one.  I usually do.  Funny thing - the last time I sent you a postcard - do you remember? - I got home before the postcard arrived!  I think you even said, "You could just buy a postcard & give it to me, you don't have to send it."  & we laughed.

But I didn't even buy a postcard this trip.  It just slipped my mind, I guess.  & I know I should've done so.  There really is no excuse.

You're acting cool about it, but I think you're quite hurt.  Maybe this slight of mine is unforgivable.  I obviously can't go back & get a postcard, but I hope you can see how much this is tearing me up.  I'm sorry.

& I can't say it more: I really, really should've sent you a postcard.

Sleeping All Day

The interview with the guru went as possibly follows:

Guru, may I sleep all day?

My child, were you up all night?

Yes, guru.  But also up all day.

Then please, stay up all night, before your sleep all day.

Cool.  Thanks.

I'm so glad we had this conversation.

Me too, guru.  Gosh, I'm tired.

It is strange when we stay up all day.  For then we must sleep all night.

Yeah.

But when we stay up all night, surely we must be allowed to sleep all day.

Yes, great.

Unless we have an appointment.  Perhaps a doctor's appointment?

Oh no, no appointments.  I just would like to, you know, lay my head on a pillow & catch some z's, as they say.

Great!  Enjoy your rest.

Hey.  Not to be weird, but.

Yes, my son?

Are you going to stand there, you know, while I sleep?

Of course.  Where else would I be?

Jeez, I dunno, somewhere else?  What if I sleep eight hours?

I'll be waiting for you, my son.

Yeah, that's creepy.  Listen, I'm cool, maybe you could, I don't know, take off?

Where would I go?  I am your guru.

Aren't you some other folks' guru?  What are they up to?

I am - er - between other folks.

Wait.  I'm your only student?

Acolyte, yes.

Damn.  That must be very disappointing.

You have no idea.

Okay, well.  You wanna sleep on the other side of the bed here?

Why the hell not.

Oh Look: I Done Got Another Show

Or at least I think I do.  The details haven't been ironed out yet.

Quite possibly this Tuesday, October 1st, from 2 to 4 am, I will be doing a show on KXRY - more commonly known as XRAY FM.  I like the station a lot, I help out there, & I was asked if I wanted to do a late-night slot.  I said yes.

But I probably won't be doing Self Help Radio - I can't imagine doing two of those a week!  Instead, I'll probably resurrect my Sugar Substitute moniker for a freeform, mainly indie-type show.

More details as I know them!

Self Help Radio 092319: What House Is This?

(I found all these images somewhere in the Google.)

It's a very common question.  You're with your friend, having a leisurely walk, & one of you stops & says to the other, "What house is this?"  Why, I'll bet you've had this conversation maybe dozens of times!

You: Oh my.  What house is this?
Your friend: This house?
You: Yes.  What is this house?
Your friend: Does it have a sign?
You: No, it does not have a sign.
Your friend: Hmm, it's a puzzler.
You: Say, where are we walking?
Your friend: Along the beach, of course.
You: That could be a clue.
Your friend: That's it!
You: Yes?
Your friend: It's a beach house!
You: Marvelous!
Your friend: Jolly good!

Aren't you glad you have a friend who says things like "jolly good"?  No?  Well, be glad, you selfish oaf.  I don't have friends that say "jolly good."

Alas, sometimes context clues aren't enough.  If you are ever in a situation where you & your friend, you know, the one who says "jolly good," cannot discover what house it is that you've come across, then please come to this week's Self Help Radio, which can be used as a guide.  Many kinds of houses are discussed on the show.  You need not be puzzled or otherwise vexed on your walks again!

You may listen to the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username (try: SHR) & a password (try: selfhelp) to access the show.  It's one big file this week for some reason, & you can see what's on the show below, in detail.

One day there will be a Self Help Radio House.  & no one will visit.

Self Help Radio What House Is This Show

"The Big House Blues" Shelley Lee Alley _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 8: 1941_
"Dog House Blues" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Road House Boogie" Big Jay McNeely _The Boogie Box, Vol. 11_

introduction & definitions

"Rock House" Roy Orbison _The Sun Years_
"The Doll House" Phil Ochs _Farewells & Fantasies_
"Fun House" The Stooges _The Stooges_
"Grandma's House" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

interview with Duke Simpson about upcoming trends

"Happy House" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Once Upon A Time: The Singles_
"White House" Schizoid _Messthetics # 1: UK '77-81 'D.I.Y.' Bands R To Sh_
"Tempo House" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Bad Houses" Big Black _Atomizer_

interview with Donut Jon of Jon's Donut House

"An Eating House" The Nits _In The Dutch Mountains_
"Open House" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"Visiting Someone Else's House" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Lime House" The Breeders _Pod_
"Linctus House" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_

interview with head White House tour guide David Fruchter

"Country House" Blur _The Great Escape_
"Council Houses" Denim _Denim On Ice_
"Haunted House" Grant McLennan _Watershed_
"Ocean House" Parsley Sound _Parsley Sounds_
"Rooming House On Venice Beach" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Squat House" The Hard Ons _Go & Do It: The Aberrant Compilations_
"The Girls At The Corner House" Tochigi _The Gang East Of The River_
"Hot House" X _More Fun In The New World_
"Ugh! Your Ugly Houses!" Chumbawamba _Swingin' With Raymond_
"Cat House" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

Whither What House Is This?

(This used to be our house, in Fort Worth.  It belongs to someone else now.)

In trying to explain this week's theme to someone who foolishly asked me about my radio show, I simply said, "Doing a theme show every week would get boring if it were always about things, nouns, you know.  At some point I decided it would be fun to do shows about phrases that commonly appear in songs."

This was when I was answering phones at a station for its pledge drive, & a deejay said to me, "About every third or fourth show, I do a theme show."  I hear that a lot.  & I always say, "Oh, no, I'm not saying that what I do is special.  All people who do radio do themes."  At which point, the deejay said, "Yeah, even Bob Dylan did a 'theme-time' show!"

This week's show, which has the awkward title "What House Is This?" is simply one of those phrase shows.  It might be better described as "_______ house."  Every song will be entitled something house.  If you ever visit the Self Help Radio Facebook page, you'll notice that I put up some songs which I'll probably play on the show, to give some idea of the theme.

That's all.  Blank house.  But why?  Probably because I noticed a lot of "house" songs & wondered if I could make a show about them.  & I think I can!

Tomorrow in Portland from 6-8am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm plus online at Freeform Portland dot org.  I won't be doing the show from a house, though, but from a building.