Nasty Storms & Sacred Animals

Putting the table of contents on the cover of the magazine instead of an airbrushed model does not increase sales, the report said. It took Tracy all of twelve minutes to make it a first amendment issue. He also suddenly began to remember all the people who had eagerly "friended" him on Facebook when he first logged on who have now, roughly six months later, apparently "unfriended" him. Instead of thinking of it as some sort of negative review of his life, Tracy just got mad.

When his alarm didn't go off, Mr. Unlucky woke up anyway. It hadn't stopped raining since the early evening, when he had watched lightning moving slowly across the horizon, not coming anywhere near him. He could tell, he counted the elapsed time between the bright bolt & the approaching rumble. Then he couldn't get to sleep for a while, wondering what happened to the birds when the sky was full of water.

Kirk was missing a riot grrl-friend he had had in the early nineties. She convinced him to get his first & only tattoo, of which he was still a little embarrassed. If it weren't below his right shoulder, on his back, where he might be able to see it most of the time, he might think of it as something by which he could remember her. Now he couldn't really place her face. He wondered if she still had her record collection, or if she still bleached her hair, the better to dye it purple or red or green.

Why would I be so uncomfortable with my brother's children - neither of which were older than three - running around the backyard naked? Gene had to look away, even when the youngest raised her arms & said something that could have been "Uncle Gene" or "gum machine." This culture sucks, he thought to himself, I am more afraid of being a suspected pedophile than I am willing to be a good uncle. Is there something I can tell my brother? What about my sister-in-law? They both seem so tired & they're letting themselves go. The kids may as well be insane or lost.

What Crawled Up Your Radio?

Self Help Radio crawled out of many radios this week (one hopes it got out before they switched them off or to another channel) while a deadly line of thunderstorms crawled toward Lexington. Amusingly, they "closed" the University in the middle of the night for a tornado warning, making students in the dorms gather in hallways for safety, but no one said a thing to the deejay in the RFL studios, where the windows were open to let in the cool night air. The EAS didn't even interrupt my show to say, "Find cover you fool!"


But I crawled along & so did the show & you can hear the results here. The show has crawled under the rock that is the Self Help Radio website. If you'd like to download the show directly, it has been cut into two parts, but survives! rather like other creepy, crawly things. Part one is here & part two is here. What's in the parts is listed below. Do not let them induce any formication in you. I felt like things were crawling all over me all the show long.

Thanks, as always, for listening!

(part one)
"Crawl" The Wedding Present _3 Songs EP_
"Crawl" Tall Dwarfs _Weeville_
"Crawl" Tiny Lights _Hot Chocolate Massage_

"Crawl Out Through The Fallout" Sheldon Allman _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Crawlin'" The Clovers _Down In The Alley: The Best Of The Clovers_
"Love Bug Crawl" Jimmy Edwards _Rockin' Bones: 1950's Punk & Rockabilly_
"A Crawlin' Man" Arkay IV _For Internal Use Only_
"Crawling Back To Me" The Tell-Tale Hearts _High Tide (Big Noses & Pizza Faces): Anthology_
"Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window?" Bob Dylan _Biograph_

"Funky Crawl" The Detroit Sex Machines _Grazing In The Trash Vol. 2_
"You've Got To Crawl To Me" Johnny Davis _Eccentric Soul, Vol. 3 - The Bandit Label_
"Twist & Crawl" The Beat "I Just Can't Stop It_

(part two)
"Crawling To The USA" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"Crawling From The Wreckage" Rockpile _Seconds Of Pleasure_
"The Incredible Crawling Eye" Nervus Rex _Nervus Rex_

"Things Have Learnt To Walk That Ought To Crawl" The Room _No Dream_
"Crawling Mantra" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _The Singles: 1982-1987_
"Walk & Crawl" The Jesus & Mary Chain _The Power Of Negative Thinking: B-Sides & Rarities_
"Crawl Babies" The Pastels _Truckload Of Trouble_
"The Crawling" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Element Of Light_

"Crawl Away" Lambchop _Thriller_
"Crawling With Idiot" Elbow _Cast Of Thousands_
"Time Will Crawl (MM Remix)" David Bowie _iSelect_

Crawl - Don't Walk - To Self Help Radio Tonight!

[Technically speaking, since the average listener need only turn his or her radio on &, at that point, need not really move except perhaps to change the channel, there is no real need to "crawl" to a radio show. However, since the Self Help Radio show tonight has as its theme "crawl," one hopes the reader will allow some latitude in expression, as opposed to the reader's usual lassitude.]

Yes, Self Help Radio slows to a crawl tonight! All ninety minutes, just crawling! Crawling all over the airwaves, crawling into your ears, crawling on top of your brain, okay I'll stop now I'm creeping myself out.

It's happening at midnight tonight on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington but you can listen anywhere (as long as you know what time it is when it's midnight in Kentucky & you have a computer) at the WRFL website.

I'll archive it tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website but what's the fun in that? Listen tonight! It may crawl, but what if later it turns into a butterfly??

[Okay, probably not.]

Whither Crawl?

I was listening to the Wedding Present on my iPod & the song "Crawl" came on & I remembered how much I loved it, & I thought, afterward, there should be a radio show about "crawl."

...

Was that too simple?

...

I'm sorry. Sometimes the reasons for my themes are quite straightforward. I could make something up if you'd like.

...

I was thinking of making up a story about things crawling all over me, but the insects have only just returned to Kentucky after wintering in warmer climes. The more I think about them, I think about formication, which is the medical terms for the feeling of bugs crawling on your skin, which I don't want to feel so stop it!

....

You're just going to have to be satisfied with the truth. This time.

Preface To Crawl: Themes That Are Not Nouns Make Me Uncomfortable

I often want to make them into nouns. "Crawl" becomes "crawling." For example.

Nouns seem to be more understandable. A verb as a theme seems like an imperative sentence, a command. "Crawl" becomes "crawl!" This is not my intention.

In fact, of all my themes for this year, every one has been a noun. A show in which the theme might have been "sit" became "sitting." The most recent non-noun theme was from November 16 of last year, & it was "Destroy!" which was meant to be an imperative sentence (although I did have songs about destruction therein). Right before that, on November 2, I had a rare show with an adjectival theme: "Hungry!" Which, you know, could easily have been "hunger."

Crawl can of course be a noun - "the traffic moved at a slow crawl." Or a description of how an animal moves. There's also a "crawl" in the jazz sense. It's a type of dance.

Yet when I see "crawl" as a theme, it doesn't feel like the noun version. It seems like a command. I shall leave it, however, the way it is.

The Daydreaming Traveler Dozes In The Spring Sun Somewhere On I-75 Between Lexington & Cincinnati

When I drive, I dream of driving. & since I've driven through mountainous places - Southwest Texas, Arizona, Utah - if it's dark outside when I'm driving, my brain fills in the darkness with giant walls of rock that loom over me.

It's dark on I-75 between Cincinnati & Lexington. & in the rain, a driver isn't entirely sure he or she is driving on a three-lane highway. A highway that never seems crowded, well-maintained, used a lot now for people fleeing the midwest to places like Texas, where the highways there, once ostentatiously spacious, are now choked with cars.

I drove to Cincinnati & back last night to see the great Todd Barry. The opening act was someone I'd never seen before, Brendon Walsh, who was amusing, & the show was actually closed by Neil Hamburger, whom I don't find particularly funny but whom I stuck around to see in case there was some kind of prepared performance at the end. It's been a while since I saw that kind of performance art type thing, a fellow in character for that long.

But you can't really talk much about a comedy show. I like the Southgate House, the venue where I saw Barry & where last week I saw Darren Hanlon & where in two weeks I'll see the legendary Kinky Friedman.

I didn't dream about the comedians, though. I dreamt about driving in the rain up I-75.

Make A Plan, Watch It Go Wrong

The ironies did abound this week for Self Help Radio. After a show about plans, I discovered that I myself hadn't planned well & let my domain lapse. So I planned to wake up this morning, only to discover that my website didn't exist any more. Zounds! So I had to scramble to pay for registration (what if some actual self-help radio group wanted the URL?!) & had to wait all day for what I suppose is the internet's version of the paperwork going through for the site to reappear. It did, at last, tonight. Sigh.

SO. The show. I should say congrats to Andrew for winning the My Morning Jacket tickets. It was fun to give stuff away again. I hope WRFL lets me do it some more.

Um, what else. The songs of the show are below. The show is at the (thankfully in good health) Self Help Radio website. There are two mp3s, of almost equal length, which are "part 1" & "part 2" of the show, although the division is for length, not for content. The entire show is good, is what I'm trying to say. You can listen to part one by clicking here of course & you can listen to part two by clicking here.

Thanks for listening I need to sleep. xo

-----

(part one)
"Let's Make Some Plans" Close Lobsters _Forever Until Victory_
"Making Plans For Nigel" XTC _Fossil Fuel (The XTC Singles)_

"I Guess I'll Have To Change My Plan" Bobby Darin _Love Swings_
"Heaven's Plan" Mark Wynter _UK Teenage Jamboree, Volume 1_
"That's My Plan" Beat Boys _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"Plan B" Wally Pleasant _Music For Nerds & Perverts_
"The Plan" Richard Hell & The Voidoids _Blank Generation_

"Who's The Man (With The Master Plan)" Kay-Gee's _Master Plan_
"The Plan" Poets Of Rhythm _Practice What You Preach_
"Master Plan" My Morning Jacket _It Still Moves_

(part two)
"Masterplan" Sinister Rouge _The Age Of Separation_

"Making Plans" Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton _The Essential Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton_
"What Have You Got Planned Tonight Diana" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road_
"The Plans We Made" Jon Langford & Sally Timms _The Executioner's Last Songs, Vol. 1_
"Plan B" Dexy's Midnight Runners _Searching For The Young Soul Rebels_
"According To No Plan" Broadcast _Work & Non-Work_

"The Plan" The Terrible Twos _Jerzy The Giant_
"Dayplanner" Free Loan Investments _Ever Been To Mexico?_
"Big City Plans" Some Velvet Sidewalk _Whirlpool_
"Plans Get Complex" All-Time Quarterback _All-Time Quarterback_
"If Everything Goes As Planned" The Heartworms _A Gift From Sing Sing_
"A Long Term Plan" Acid House Kings _Sing Along With Acid House Kings_

-----

Plan To Listen Tonight!

You really should plan to listen to Self Help Radio tonight, because the show is about plans. You see, even if it doesn't fit in with your plans, the plan to not listen is also a plan, & so the show is about your plans, too, whether or not you've planned to listen. Therefore avoiding Self Help Radio is next to impossible.

I didn't plan it that way.

However, I do plan to give away a pair of My Morning Jacket tickets for their show Sunday at Memorial Coliseum, so if you'd like to win them, you should plan to listen.

How do you plan to listen? You can listen live on 88.1 fm in Lexington, or anywhere on the computer at the WRFL website. You can listen tomorrow when the show is archived at self help radio dot net, but the tickets will have already been given away. Silly!

Whither Plans?

Durn it, I explained the show yesterday! I planned to do it today. I suppose instead I can share with you some quotes about plans.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon sang that, unaware that life had other plans for him.

"Without goals, & plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination." Someone named Fitzhugh Dodson said that. He apparently didn't enjoy recreational sailing.

Lao Tzu, on the other hand, said, "A good traveler has no fixed plans, & is not intent on arriving." Chinese philosophers were quite well paid in those days, however, so dawdling wasn't expensive.

One web page tells me this is a "Norwegian proverb": "The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow." It reminds me, I have a lot to do tomorrow.

Here's something a snappy politician might have said, "He who fails to plan, plans to fail." Does that include improvisational comedy troops?

I've seen one phrase attributed to many folks, but one web site says that Woody Allen said this: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." It doesn't sound like Woody Allen to me. There's also a more pithy one: "Man plans, god laughs." It's never clear what God does when woman plans.

Will Rogers said, "Plans get you into things, but you got to work your way out." Seems sensible enough.

Horace, the Roman poet so famous he was known by his first name, said, "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly at the right moment."

Robert Burns wrote, in a poem called "To A Mouse," "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men/Gang aft agley." It has been translated into understandable words as "The best laid schemes of mice & men/Go often awry." One anonymous snark wrote, "The best laid plans of mice & men are usually about equal." That seems a little insulting to the mice.

Dwight Eisenhower, former Grandfather Of The United States, once said, "In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." Then he bought the entire country a comic book & some candy.

Bakunin, my favorite anarchist, said, "Anyone who makes plans for after the revolution is a reactionary." Then he bombed something.

There are lots of quotes about plans. Alan Watts, the Zennest westerner of all, said, "No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now." Greta Garbo - who had a pretty large capacity for living, countered, "There seems to be a law that governs all our actions so I never make plans." & trying to be head off the religious at the pass, Mary Daly said, "[The term] 'God's plan' is often a front for men's plans & a cover for inadequacy, ignorance, and evil."

But I leave you with something inspiring, which I almost never do: "Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood & probably will themselves not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope & work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will not die."

Daniel H. Burnham said that. He never noted whether little plans have any magic to stir women's blood. I wonder why.

Preface To Plans: How Plans Change!

It's true, plans change. As the beloved Close Lobsters always said, in a song I shall most definitely be playing this week, "Let's make some plans 'cause they can go wrong." This week's show, if you checked the website as recently as a week ago, was supposed to be "crawl." What happened? Why did the plans change?

It's very simple. WRFL got some tickets to the My Morning Jacket show at Memorial Coliseum in Lexington. Here's the official press release. WRFL doesn't usually do giveaways, as the management has decided that giveaways are not FCC compliant, & although I am in complete disagreement with management, I am a good soldier & will abide by the rules because I love the station.

Furthermore, Self Help Radio has been chosen as one of the shows to give away a couple of tickets for the show. Hooray!

Except, as I thought about it, I could not recall a single My Morning Jacket song about crawling. No matter how much I scrunched my brain. When I became resigned to having to change the show's theme - because how could I give away My Morning Jacket tickets without playing one of their songs? - I thought, "Oh well, change of plan."

Then it hit me - My Morning Jacket have a song called "Master Plan." The show which required me to change my plans could be about plans!

There you go. Listen this week for a chance to win My Morning Jacket tickets. I'll give them away when I play the song - but won't tell you when that will be. Mainly because I don't know yet.

I Feel Guilty I Don't Follow Any Blogs

I'm not even sure I know how to.

You might have noticed that I have a tumblr blog (it's weird to say that on a blogger blog, but there you go) which is mainly just music videos & goofy images, & I've been doing it for a while, & I've amassed an amazing following of two (2) people. But no one on blogger has "followed" this blog, which I've been doing too darn long, & that doesn't really bother me, because I do a radio show that virtually no one listens to, but every time I log on to write some nonsense here, the "dashboard" of this blog tells me, "You are not currently following any blogs."

I feel like I should, that admitting that I am not following any blogs (I don't even read this one!) is basically confessing that I am missing out on some interesting stuff here in the blogosphere, if they still call it that. You're a loser, Charlie Brown!

I'd ask for recommendations from you, but virtually no one reads this blog, which is also probably why no one "follows" it. Ergo, it would probably be unlikely for someone to recommend anything to me. I'd get more feedback just asking around at a restaurant. (To be fair, the blogger folk do sometimes present in a sidebar "blogs to watch" or some sort of thing like that, but I never look at it. So I'd probably not really follow up. Pathetic.)

"What's the weather like in Minneapolis?" my wife just asked me. I must look up the answer, &, relieved, my mind goes off to another task.

Almost (But Not Quite) A Star

No, I will never be a star. I will never have my name in front of er whatever place the Hollywood Walk Of Fame is in front of. I will never tell prepared stories to Larry Leno or Brian O'Letterman. Never will I sit on the couch of the rich & famous & say "No more cocaine for me thank you!" I will never be able to run for governor of California or Greece. This is my lot in life. I accept it.

I can however do a show about stars & stardom & so I did. Did I secretly think it would make me a star? Did I think I could finally relate to that Cat Stevens song? No, not that Cat Stevens song. The other one. Right. Maybe I did. So what? I had had too much benadryl on the rocks & the pizza man didn't have the right toppings in the right order. I can maybe be excused but I will never forgive.

You can listen to last night's show - maybe it will make you a star? - at self help radio dot net. The show is, as always, divided in two so you can share with your friend. Part one can be accessed here, while part two has been conveniently placed here. The songs in which part are below.

I need so much sleep now.

(part one)
"Star" David Bowie _The Rise & Fall Of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars_
"Teenage Pop Star" Barcelona _Transhuman Revolution_
"Moviestar" Stereo Total _Stereo Total_

"Pop Star" Cat Stevens _Mona Bone Jakon_
"So You Want To Be A Rock & Roll Star" The Move _Shazam!_
"Rock Star" Bearded Lady _Velvet Tinmine_
"Video Killed The Radio Star" Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club _English Garden_
"Superstar" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Ruin Johnny's Bar Mitzvah_

"Superstar (Remember How You Got Where You Are)" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"Superstar Talking Blues" Edwyn Collins _Home Again_
"Superstar In France" Lambchop _Thriller_

(part two)
"Nicky" Momus _Circus Maximus_
"Rockstar" That Dog _Totally Crushed Out_

"Child Star" Tyrannosaurus Rex _The Definitive Tyrannosaurus Rex_
"Child Star" Unicorns _Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?_
"Golden Lights" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_
"You'll Never Be A Star" Shy Camp _You'll Never Be A Star_

"The Stars Of Track & Field" Belle & Sebastian _If You're Feeling Sinister_
"Rock Star" Bran Van 3000 _Discosis_
"Stars" Halftime Oranges _Rotterdamnation_

What?!? Five Hours Of Radio Tonight!?!

Of course, the radio (at least WRFL - I can't speak for stations I don't listen to) is on twenty-four hours a day, so I am not implying that there's only going to be five hours of radio tonight. I meant I will be on the radio five hours tonight. It should be fun if only to see if I unravel after hour four.

I will be subbing the excellent Subset, WRFL's dubstep show, from 10 to midnight, & then Self Help Radio is on at midnight till 1:30, & Sugar Substitute will be on from 1:30 to 3, when the lovely 3am deejay, Marshall, will arrive in time to watch the paramedics try to revive me.

You can listen, Lexingtonian, on the fm dial at 88.1; you can listen, citizen of the rest of the world, online at wrfl.fm. I will archive my regular shows at the SHR website tomorrow.

Oops, I forgot to nap today!

Whither Stars?

A thunderstorm rages through Kentucky. Sitting in his tiny den, a deejay for a college/community radio station - who will never himself be a star - prepares a radio show about stars.

But does he dream of being a star? Does he dream of reaching the widest possible audience? Does he dream of being feted by the cognoscenti, the rich, the powerful?

Or is he just simply standing at the window watching the storm?

OH COME ON.

You'd think a dude that likes to be on the radio would also want to be some kind of star, like other famous people on the radio, like that Robert Dylan guy who also did a kind of theme show; or maybe Casey Kasem, who was also allowed to be the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo; or what about Doctor Demento; or how about that Benn Gleck guy who pretends to be insane on the air. Maybe those are his idols, maybe he dreams of Self Help Radio being nationally syndicated, talked about, turned into a sitcom or maybe a movie directed by David Fincher.

No, no, he's staring at the rain while listening to music.

Well, he can do a radio show about stars, but we all know why he'll never be a star!

Preface To "Stars": Harrrumph!

Dear Self Help Radio if that's your real name,

I am an imaginary listener & long time reader of this blog (I was reading it long before you started writing it) & I noted with interest your self-serving blog post of March 21 in which you said & I quote:

"Lots of people - not enough, but a lot - make requests for themes for me to explore on the show. I might have previously complained about the more obvious themes people have suggested - songs about rain or cars or nouns - but I can't find a blog entry grumbling about it so I must have done it in private with you. Don't you remember?"

I therefore find it ironic that this week's show is something as "more obvious" as stars. Stars! You couldn't pick one star, like Aldebaran or Betelgeuse or Canopus (oh yeah, I have a star name for every letter of the alphabet!), could you, because that's HARD.

You are a hypocrite & you owe me forty dollars.

Love,
Your faithful listener,
Mom's friend Edie

Dear Mom's friend Edie,

Self Help Radio is not my real name. It was what the cruel kids at school told the cool kids at school to call me at school. Thank you for not existing, which must give you lots of time to listen to my radio show. Many people make the smarter decision to ignore the show's existence, but perhaps it's because they have existence themselves.

One of the reasons I have this blog is to explain the themes in case they don't seem self-evident. This week's theme does require some explanation. The show is not about stars, meaning "massive, luminous balls of plasma held together by gravity." Therefore I am not looking for songs about Deneb, Eltanin, or Fomalhaut (I too enjoy alphabetizing stars). No, it's the sort of star defined as "a person who has holds a high degree of recognition in a society or culture." I could have used "celebrity." I probably should have. However, it did encourage you to write, & that pleases me.

I do however still owe you forty dollars. Will you take a gift card?

Yours sincerely,
Self Help Radio

Extra! Not At All Funky!

Ooo, I forgot to tell you, I finished March's Self Help Radio Extra on the very last day of March! This is no April Fool! (Well, I am an April Fool. But I'm not lying. You can check by clicking the link above.) It includes new stuff from the Brutes, Zoey Van Goey, Acrylics, Those Dancing Days & more, plus older stuff that just popped into my head because I had been listening to it recently. It's one big mp3 mixed so you don't have to. & like the title says, it's not very funky.

But! If you want funk! I'll be on WRFL tonight from midnight to 3am Eastern Kentucky time (which is Eastern Standard Time) playing funk, which you can listen to on the fm dial at 88.1 in Lexington & the surrounding villas, or you can listen to it anywhere in the world that a computer can scream to at WRFL dot fm. It's not a funk show that I am subbing, but I will be following the hiphop show, so I asked special permission to keep the funk alive into the night.

Listen! Download! Whatever!

That Show's A Rebel!

Comrades! It is time to take action! Or at the very least listen to a radio show!

Self Help Radio celebrated rebels & rebellion this week, rising up against terrible commercial radio - & of course getting utterly crushed, as most rebellions are. Seriously. Look at the list on this Wikipedia page. There have been A LOT of rebellions in history.

The show will lick its wounds & continue. Memoirs of the struggle are saved at self help radio dot net. The playlist for the show is below, & it's in two parts. If you'd rather listen to the show direct-like, you can listen to part one by clicking here & part two by clicking here. If you'd rather plot another rebellion, let me know - I still got a lot of gunpowder left.

What I played is listed below:

(part one)
"Teenage Rebellion" Mike Curb _Teenage Rebellion OST_
"Teen-Age Rebel" Carol Honeycutt _Buffalo Bop - Candy Doll_
"Teenage Rebel" The Avengers _Died For Your Sins_
"Justa Nother Teenage Rebel" The Outcasts _Self Conscious Over You_

"He's A Rebel" Morning Benders _The Bedroom Covers_
"He's A 'Rebel'" Everybody Was In The French Resistance...Now! _Fixing The Charts, Volume 1_
"Rebel" Toy Love _Cuts_
"Rebel Rocker" Alan Vega _Collision Drive_
"The Littlest Rebel" The Fall _Extricate_
"Norman (He's No Rebel)" Mo-Dettes _The Story So Far_

"The Rebel Girl" Hazel Dickens _Don't Mourn - Organize!: Songs Of Labor Songwriter Joe Hill_
"Rebel Girl" Bikini Girl _Pussy Whipped_
"She's A Rebel" The Rantouls _In The Village Of Rantoul_

(part two)

"Rebel Woman" Dean Carter _Pebbles Vol. 6: Chicago 1_
"High On Rebellion" Patti Smith _Easter_
"Rebel Rebel" David Bowie _Diamond Dogs_

"The Aging Young Rebel (feat. Ken Nordine)" DJ Food _Kaleidoscope_
"Tinsel Town Rebellion (live)" Frank Zappa _Have I Offended Someone?_
"Rebel Yell" All _Before You Were Punk Vol. 2_

"Good Ol' Rebel Soldier" Bobby Horton _Homespun Songs Of The Confederate States Of America Vol. 1_
"Soul Rebel" Bob Marley _Bustin' Out Of Trenchtown_
"Rebel Song" The Decorators _Rebel Song_

Rebellion Tonight!

Yes, citizens & reactionaries, you can take up arms (at least in your armless heads) against all manner of tyranny this fine evening at midnight in Lexington on 88.1 fm WRFL or anywhere in the world (are you listening Africa & the Middle East? Michigan, Wisconsion, Ohio?) on the interwebbing at WRFL dot FM.

Famous rebellions will be discussed, & although most of the them generally don't end well, there will be a general undercurrent of hope coupled with grim determination, which will make it all the more tragic when we're finally mowed down by forces supported by the people who have all the money.

Listen, fellow rebels! Or, if you can't, don't worry, the rebellion will be archived tomorrow at self help radio dot net.

For freedom! For better radio! For better freedom radio!

Whither Rebellion?

(Warning: The FBI have flagged this blog entry as possibly seditious.)

I invite you all to join the Great Rebellion!

(See, we told you - FBI.)

It is time to overthrow all radio that is not Self Help Radio!

(Oh, well, then, maybe not - FBI.)

All other radio should fall simply because most of it is frankly quite better than Self Help Radio! & that makes me feel just awful! My self-esteem is in the toilet!

(Time to put this in the crank file - FBI.)

That will be the first step to the glorious overthrow of other media outlets!

(Maybe I spoke too soon - FBI.)

& then! & then! & only then!

(Yes? Yes? - FBI.)

Only then will my insecurity about my show be assuaged!

(I miss the Mob - FBI.)

Hey FBI!

(Yeah, what? - FBI.)

Want me to say something about declaring war against the Supreme Court or something?

(Well, sure, but you've gotta want to say it. If I make you say it, it's entrapment - FBI.)

I'm flattered you pay attention to my little radio show at all!

(Don't be. I was just demoted. College/community radio is pretty much the lowest a Special Agent can fall - FBI.)

Do you want a caramel?

(Do you have any chocolate? - FBI.)

Always!

Preface To Rebellion: Which Side Are You On?

Rebellion's in the air like never before! What a time to be anti-establishment!

Lest you think I make light of repression & dictatorial regimes, please remember, as an American, I belong to a people who relate more closely to Star Wars than to actual world events. &, as Star Wars scholars* are likely to point out, the rebellion against the Empire was not for a democracy but for a kind of Republican monarchy. & I don't mean Republican like the political party in America. You know what I mean. Even if you haven't seen the last three (ie, the first three) Star Wars movies. & you really shouldn't, they're awful.

I forget what point I was trying to make. Oh yeah. Americans, whose country was formed because of a rebellion, don't really pay too much attention to the rest of the world, & so the recent yearnings for democracy in the Middle East don't quite register as much, since there's a large chance they don't know where the Middle East is. It's East, right? Somewhere in the middle?

If the recent rebellions in Africa could have happened against the Emperor & his main thug Darth Vader, then, yeah! We'd get into it!

Self Help Radio aims to educate, but there's only so much one moderately entertaining radio show can do. At best it can perhaps join in on a zeitgeist here & there.

* If there is such a thing as a Star Wars scholar. & if not, why not?