Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Preface To Escape: I Am No Steve McQueen

Oh, sure, THAT didn't need to be said. It's so blatantly obvious that I can even bold & italicize the word "that" (which was capitalized for effect) & it doesn't even begin to convey the idiocy of the comparison. Viz. Oh, sure, THAT didn't need to be said. But what makes you such an expert on Steve McQueen? Here are some disturbing facts about Steve McQueen that might make you a little more humble when you're poo-pooing a person jokingly comparing himself to the star of The Great Escape, among other films:

1. He died from mesothelioma. Know what that is? Do you? Well, it's not a cool way to die. He died from exposure to asbestos! Compare that to how David Carradine died. Okay, well, that's just humiliating. Never mind.

2. He was supposed to be at the Polanski home the night Manson's robots killed Sharon Tate & the others there. In fact, it's said he was at the top of Manson's list of celebrities who were supposed to die to bring on Manson's dumbass race war. Okay, that's kinda cool. I mean, to be marked for death by Charles Manson, that's the kind of celebrity that, in this day & age, is reserved for status moments like being shot in the face by the Vice President.

3. As he was dying, he visited the Reagans (just about to be installed as King & Queenly of America) & they apparently got Billy Graham to get him to accept Jesus into his heart. Wow, talk about wiping away a lifetime of cool!

That last one is a cheap shot, because I am really nothing at all in any way like Steve McQueen. Morrissey, for example, would never put a giant poster of me up in his home. I don't even know if there is a giant poster of me available, whereas there are millions of McQueen. Furthermore, the one time in my life I've ridden a motorcycle, all I got was a sunburn & some heat exhaustion. Also, I've never been in the movies & never kissed Ali McGraw. (Both might happen, though. Also: both probably won't.)

Why can't I escape these ridiculous comparisons that I myself invent on my blog between me & famous dead celebrities? It is a problem I suppose I have to live with.

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