I don't know how to make whispers in plaintext. I was thinking just little dots, like ...... , but that usually indicates a loss for words. I do know how to make whispers on the radio, & I in fact played a lot of songs about whispers today which, strangely enough, had very few whispers in them. It seems like it's all right to talk about whispers using your normal everyday voice. In fact, some people even scream about whispers.
I like the word whisper because it is basically onomatopoeia, & that's a figure of speech everyone loves. The whispering that the show did is listed in song form below, & you can find the show at the Self Help Radio website where I have divided it into two parts: part one & part two. They have better names that than but I can't say them out loud - come closer, I'll whisper them to you.
(part one)
"Doo Wop Whispers" PBNJ Buchanan _Speak Up!_
"Whisper" Pelle Carlburg _The Lilac Time_
"Mr. Whisper" Dory Previn _On My Way To Where_
"Whispering" Joni James _Put On A Happy Face_
"The Words That I Whisper" Sal Mineo _The Complete Epic Recordings_
"Whisper Not" The Florentines _él: The Legendary B Sides_
"Whispers (Gettin' Louder)" Jackie Wilson _The Very Best Of Jackie Wilson_
"Whisper You Love Me Boy" Chris Clark _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 8: 1968_
"Whisper" Morphine _Yes_
"Heard Your Whisper" The June Brides _Every Conversation: The Story Of The June Brides & Phil Wilson_
"There Is No Sun" Jay Reatard _Watch Me Fall_
"Wallpaper Whispers" Seashells _Sunshine Eyes_
"Chinese Whispers" Melys _Suikerspin_
(part two)
"Birds Fly (Whisper To A Scream)" Acumen Nation _Newer Wave_
"Reduced To Whispering" The Shirts _The Shirts_
"From A Whisper To A Scream" Elvis Costello _Trust_
"Cries & Whispers" Polyrock _Polyrock/Changing Hearts_
"Whisper Whisper" The Postelles _The Postelles_
"Do You Whisper?" Dressy Bessy _Holler & Stomp_
"Whispering Pine" Doris _Did You Give The World Some Love Today Baby_
"Whispering Weeds" Frank Black & The Catholics _Black Letter Days_
"Whisper" Kickstand _Kickstand_
"The Whisper Of Your Mind" The Lilac Time _Astronauts_
"Forever Whispers Secrets To Me" Celestial _Crystal Heights_
Monday, September 19, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Whither Whispers?
/whisper
Just between you & me, I was a loud kid. In third grade, the teacher had a little throw rug she kept in the corner which she called the "bicker rug" where she put children who were talkative or noisy (in fact, because I hardly ever got into fights, I had no idea that "bicker" meant "fight" until later on - I thought it meant "rambunctious" or "loud"), & where I often found myself. Only years later, after I met people who were quite loud as adults did I realize I chatted up a storm because I was insecure & wanted attention. My voice was high, then, so it probably made things worse.
Now that I am older & even more insecure, I'm not very loud, because I don't want anyone to know how insecure I am. But I don't whisper a lot, either. My voice is naturally quiet these days, which is a shame because I live with partially deaf beasts & wife. If I had a dollar for every time my wife has said, "What was that again?" I'd have a bunch of dollars. Which I'd give to her to clean out her ears.
I often whisper on the air to create a feeling of intimacy between me & the listener, if such a person really exists. It's more a stage whisper, though, not the sort of whisper that gets shushed in libraries or movie theaters.
I am in whisper mode now, though, because it's imperative that you listen tomorrow at 7:30 am, either on the 88.1 fm frequency in Lexington or online at wrfl dot fm, because I will be whispering further information about whispering directly to you.
Though, now, that I think about it, I'll also be archiving the show later that day at self help radio dot net, so maybe it's not that imperative. I didn't have to whisper after all.
No, no. I did.
Just between you & me, I was a loud kid. In third grade, the teacher had a little throw rug she kept in the corner which she called the "bicker rug" where she put children who were talkative or noisy (in fact, because I hardly ever got into fights, I had no idea that "bicker" meant "fight" until later on - I thought it meant "rambunctious" or "loud"), & where I often found myself. Only years later, after I met people who were quite loud as adults did I realize I chatted up a storm because I was insecure & wanted attention. My voice was high, then, so it probably made things worse.
Now that I am older & even more insecure, I'm not very loud, because I don't want anyone to know how insecure I am. But I don't whisper a lot, either. My voice is naturally quiet these days, which is a shame because I live with partially deaf beasts & wife. If I had a dollar for every time my wife has said, "What was that again?" I'd have a bunch of dollars. Which I'd give to her to clean out her ears.
I often whisper on the air to create a feeling of intimacy between me & the listener, if such a person really exists. It's more a stage whisper, though, not the sort of whisper that gets shushed in libraries or movie theaters.
I am in whisper mode now, though, because it's imperative that you listen tomorrow at 7:30 am, either on the 88.1 fm frequency in Lexington or online at wrfl dot fm, because I will be whispering further information about whispering directly to you.
Though, now, that I think about it, I'll also be archiving the show later that day at self help radio dot net, so maybe it's not that imperative. I didn't have to whisper after all.
No, no. I did.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Preface To Whispers: Speak Up!
Is whispering sometimes louder than normal speech? This odd Facebook page thinks so.
But is whispering bad for your vocal cords when singing? Apparently not. How do I know? Because someone asked that question on Yahoo! Answers. He asked: "I heard that whispering can damage your vocal chords slowly. I whisper sing songs that I know by heart. I sing death metal vocals and I need to know if this is bad for you."
He sings death metal vocals & he wonders if whispering is bad for him? Anyway, the answer is here.
Is whispering rude? The Busy Mama thinks so!
Something else that may be rude is me telling you that I'm going to be on the radio this evening playing hip hop from ten pm to midnight Lexington time. You can listen in Lexington on the 88.1 frequency or you can listen anywhere at wrfl.fm. It's not that important, so I thought I'd whisper it at you.
But is whispering bad for your vocal cords when singing? Apparently not. How do I know? Because someone asked that question on Yahoo! Answers. He asked: "I heard that whispering can damage your vocal chords slowly. I whisper sing songs that I know by heart. I sing death metal vocals and I need to know if this is bad for you."
He sings death metal vocals & he wonders if whispering is bad for him? Anyway, the answer is here.
Is whispering rude? The Busy Mama thinks so!
Something else that may be rude is me telling you that I'm going to be on the radio this evening playing hip hop from ten pm to midnight Lexington time. You can listen in Lexington on the 88.1 frequency or you can listen anywhere at wrfl.fm. It's not that important, so I thought I'd whisper it at you.
Friday, September 16, 2011
But Have You Heard About Boomslang?
I took a nap this afternoon because I subbed someone's show this morning from six to nine am & didn't get to sleep last night before one am so I got roughly three hours sleep & by the way I am still tired.
The show that I subbed included the amazing WRFL Surf! & one person on the Facebook page described my deejaying as "Inanity personified..." If only they had been commenting on Self Help Radio, I could have used it as a quote for promotion! Ah well.
Anyway, Boomslang is a music festival held every year (at least for the past three years) by WRFL featuring an eclectic mix of independent, obscure, or fill-in-the-blank bands, including the first Queerslang, which seems pretty cool. I am only vaguely involved in it - I have volunteered for busy work, & will volunteer during the festival - but I had my first Boomslang anxiety dream while I napped. At some point during the dream I realized it was a week until Boomslang, & woke up feeling only slightly relieved. I mean, it's only a week away!
If you're in or near Lexington, the festival may be worth your while. It's basically Friday through Sunday, at a small number of venue, not as crazy as SXSW, & it does look like maybe next week will be quite lovely. Read more about it at Boomslang fest dot com. I'm convinced there's something there for you - & most probably more than a little something!
The show that I subbed included the amazing WRFL Surf! & one person on the Facebook page described my deejaying as "Inanity personified..." If only they had been commenting on Self Help Radio, I could have used it as a quote for promotion! Ah well.
Anyway, Boomslang is a music festival held every year (at least for the past three years) by WRFL featuring an eclectic mix of independent, obscure, or fill-in-the-blank bands, including the first Queerslang, which seems pretty cool. I am only vaguely involved in it - I have volunteered for busy work, & will volunteer during the festival - but I had my first Boomslang anxiety dream while I napped. At some point during the dream I realized it was a week until Boomslang, & woke up feeling only slightly relieved. I mean, it's only a week away!
If you're in or near Lexington, the festival may be worth your while. It's basically Friday through Sunday, at a small number of venue, not as crazy as SXSW, & it does look like maybe next week will be quite lovely. Read more about it at Boomslang fest dot com. I'm convinced there's something there for you - & most probably more than a little something!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Twelve
Well, you learn something new every A Joke A Day A Week.
Did you know, for example, there is a sub-category of jokes called "Genie Jokes"?
There are! In fact there's a whole page (okay, probably more) on the internet for them, at weirdity dot com slash genie. Indeed, you can find genie jokes on such diverse topics as "Miscellaneous Genies," "Well Meaning Genies," "Anti-Men & Anti-Women Genies," "Rocket Science Genies" (I don't really want to know), "Friends & Genies" (doesn't that sound like a DH Lawrence book?), "Tough Cookie Genies," & of course "Smutty Genie Jokes" - need I point out they're "(Adults Only)"?
Here's what it says "about Genie Jokes":
Genie jokes vary around the premise that the subject finds a bottle/brass lamp/similar antique, from which, by chance, the Genie is liberated after a long incarceration. Usually, the joke illustrates the stupidity of the fortunate, or the risks of careless use of language. Occasionally, & worth collecting, are those that give the Genie his revenge for imprisonment or other ulterior motive."
One of this week's A Joke A Day was in fact a genie joke, which went:
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
Of course, in typical A Joke A Day fashion, the "genie joke" - it was labelled as such - didn't have a genie in it, but a fairy. Which is, as you might imagine, not exactly the same as a genie, although to be fair, a genie wouldn't just appear to "congratulate" a "married couples" which was just two people.
Is it a very good joke? Perhaps it's in the telling. Here is the way the joke appears on the Genie Jokes website, under the "Anti-Men Genies" section. Please note that someone has taken care to make sure the joke is well-written & has some internal logical consistency. Unlike, you know, the drivel that passes for A Joke A Day:
There once was a couple who had been married for many years ... happily married. They had met in their teens, it was love at first sight. Their families got on well, their friends approved ... they married young.
After bringing up the kids, they decided to take a cruise before planning a long and happy retirement. They could afford a five-day short trip around the Mediterranean. The cruise gave them a day wandering around the gift shops of the Greek island of Santorini.
In the back of a dark, almost deserted store, the wife found a dusty old lamp. She gave it a quick polish, to see what it could look like ... and out popped our friendly neighborhood genie.
"I usually give just one wish", said the genie, "but I can see that you two are a couple still in love after all these years; you may each have a wish."
"Oooh!" said the wife, "I'd like to be on a proper ocean cruise ... somewhere in the South Pacific".
And in an instant, she was gone, wafted off to her dream ... maybe she meant to include her husband, but these wishes tend to be taken literally.
"And you, sir?", asked the genie.
Conscious that he was alone, and the world was at his fingertips, the husband thought long and hard ...
"I'd like a wife thirty years younger than me", he eventually decided.
And in an instant, he aged thirty years, and the genie disappeared.
Moral: Wish for what you will ... but be careful if the genie is a woman.
A better joke, although I could do without the ellipses... & the moral.
Did you know, for example, there is a sub-category of jokes called "Genie Jokes"?
There are! In fact there's a whole page (okay, probably more) on the internet for them, at weirdity dot com slash genie. Indeed, you can find genie jokes on such diverse topics as "Miscellaneous Genies," "Well Meaning Genies," "Anti-Men & Anti-Women Genies," "Rocket Science Genies" (I don't really want to know), "Friends & Genies" (doesn't that sound like a DH Lawrence book?), "Tough Cookie Genies," & of course "Smutty Genie Jokes" - need I point out they're "(Adults Only)"?
Here's what it says "about Genie Jokes":
Genie jokes vary around the premise that the subject finds a bottle/brass lamp/similar antique, from which, by chance, the Genie is liberated after a long incarceration. Usually, the joke illustrates the stupidity of the fortunate, or the risks of careless use of language. Occasionally, & worth collecting, are those that give the Genie his revenge for imprisonment or other ulterior motive."
One of this week's A Joke A Day was in fact a genie joke, which went:
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
Of course, in typical A Joke A Day fashion, the "genie joke" - it was labelled as such - didn't have a genie in it, but a fairy. Which is, as you might imagine, not exactly the same as a genie, although to be fair, a genie wouldn't just appear to "congratulate" a "married couples" which was just two people.
Is it a very good joke? Perhaps it's in the telling. Here is the way the joke appears on the Genie Jokes website, under the "Anti-Men Genies" section. Please note that someone has taken care to make sure the joke is well-written & has some internal logical consistency. Unlike, you know, the drivel that passes for A Joke A Day:
There once was a couple who had been married for many years ... happily married. They had met in their teens, it was love at first sight. Their families got on well, their friends approved ... they married young.
After bringing up the kids, they decided to take a cruise before planning a long and happy retirement. They could afford a five-day short trip around the Mediterranean. The cruise gave them a day wandering around the gift shops of the Greek island of Santorini.
In the back of a dark, almost deserted store, the wife found a dusty old lamp. She gave it a quick polish, to see what it could look like ... and out popped our friendly neighborhood genie.
"I usually give just one wish", said the genie, "but I can see that you two are a couple still in love after all these years; you may each have a wish."
"Oooh!" said the wife, "I'd like to be on a proper ocean cruise ... somewhere in the South Pacific".
And in an instant, she was gone, wafted off to her dream ... maybe she meant to include her husband, but these wishes tend to be taken literally.
"And you, sir?", asked the genie.
Conscious that he was alone, and the world was at his fingertips, the husband thought long and hard ...
"I'd like a wife thirty years younger than me", he eventually decided.
And in an instant, he aged thirty years, and the genie disappeared.
Moral: Wish for what you will ... but be careful if the genie is a woman.
A better joke, although I could do without the ellipses... & the moral.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Can A Radio Show Relax?
Relax? RELAX? Who can relax in this day & age? In this time of confusion & crisis? Only hipsters can relax! & they do it ironically!
Self Help Radio relaxed today, though, enough to make a show about relaxing. Can't relax? I can't blame you. Perhaps there's something relaxing in today's show for you. If not, you should do what I do: rely upon alcohol & drugs.
The show in its entirety is at the Self Help Radio website. It's been divided into two soothing parts: part one will rub your feet while part two plays music on a zither. Or something. Probably not. What's in the two parts is below.
(part one)
"I've Got To Learn To Relax More, Yo!" Innerstance.Beatbox _All Little Boys Do Silly Little Dances_
"Lighten Up Again" Mocean Worker _Mix & Match_
"(Relax) You Will Think You Are A Chicken" Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet _Sport Fishin'_
"Take It Easy" Fats Waller _1935 Vol. 1_
"Relax-Ay-Voo (with Line Renaud)" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"Relax Max" Dinah Washington _Swingin' Miss 'D'_
"Relax" Elvis Presley _It Happened At The World's Fair_
"Relax & Mambo" Machito & His Orchestra _Sabroso: The Afro-Latin Groove_
"Take It Easy My Brother Charlie" Kahami Karie _Kahami Karie_
"Relax" Bobby Conn & The Glass Gypsies _The Homeland_
"Relax" Calvin Harris _Ready For The Weekend_
(part two)
"Relax" The Dandy Warhols _Come On Feel The Dandy Warhols_
"Rush To Relax" Eddy Current Suppression Ring _Rush To Relax_
"You Gots To Chill" EPMD _Strictly Business_
"Relax Baby Be Cool" Serge Gainsbourg _Aux Armes Et Caetera_
"Tomorrow Never Knows" The Beatles _Revolver_
"Relax" Petra Haden _Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out_
"Unwind" The Rosebuds _The Rosebuds Unwind_
"Relax Your Mind" Leadbelly _Leadbelly's Last Sessions_
"Relax & Take It Easy" Tommy Duncan With The Ranger Trio _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Never Relaxed" Daniel Johnston _Songs Of Pain_
"I'm Gonna Take It Easy" Gabriel Brown _Roll & Tumble Blues - A History Of Slide Guitar_
Self Help Radio relaxed today, though, enough to make a show about relaxing. Can't relax? I can't blame you. Perhaps there's something relaxing in today's show for you. If not, you should do what I do: rely upon alcohol & drugs.
The show in its entirety is at the Self Help Radio website. It's been divided into two soothing parts: part one will rub your feet while part two plays music on a zither. Or something. Probably not. What's in the two parts is below.
(part one)
"I've Got To Learn To Relax More, Yo!" Innerstance.Beatbox _All Little Boys Do Silly Little Dances_
"Lighten Up Again" Mocean Worker _Mix & Match_
"(Relax) You Will Think You Are A Chicken" Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet _Sport Fishin'_
"Take It Easy" Fats Waller _1935 Vol. 1_
"Relax-Ay-Voo (with Line Renaud)" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"Relax Max" Dinah Washington _Swingin' Miss 'D'_
"Relax" Elvis Presley _It Happened At The World's Fair_
"Relax & Mambo" Machito & His Orchestra _Sabroso: The Afro-Latin Groove_
"Take It Easy My Brother Charlie" Kahami Karie _Kahami Karie_
"Relax" Bobby Conn & The Glass Gypsies _The Homeland_
"Relax" Calvin Harris _Ready For The Weekend_
(part two)
"Relax" The Dandy Warhols _Come On Feel The Dandy Warhols_
"Rush To Relax" Eddy Current Suppression Ring _Rush To Relax_
"You Gots To Chill" EPMD _Strictly Business_
"Relax Baby Be Cool" Serge Gainsbourg _Aux Armes Et Caetera_
"Tomorrow Never Knows" The Beatles _Revolver_
"Relax" Petra Haden _Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out_
"Unwind" The Rosebuds _The Rosebuds Unwind_
"Relax Your Mind" Leadbelly _Leadbelly's Last Sessions_
"Relax & Take It Easy" Tommy Duncan With The Ranger Trio _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Never Relaxed" Daniel Johnston _Songs Of Pain_
"I'm Gonna Take It Easy" Gabriel Brown _Roll & Tumble Blues - A History Of Slide Guitar_
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Whither Relax?
I am so exhausted while preparing this radio show with the theme "relax." I drove (with the wife & the dogs) to Atlanta yesterday to visit a friend from Austin who happened to be in Atlanta for his birthday. I had read that the visit would only take a six hour drive, but stupidly assumed the drive would take us through Nashville, & so added ninety minutes to the journey by driving through Atlanta. Then, today, I drove back. The right way, though, up I-75 through Knoxville.
We did manage to eat some amazing vegan food in Nashville at a place called The Wild Cow. Oh my invisible friend in the sky, their vegan reuben was amazing. They also had beet hummus. I had previously heard you couldn't beat beet hummus, & I was right.
In Atlanta we ate Ethiopian food at a place called Desta. Though they didn't serve the food in a traditional way, the place still made amazing Ethiopian food. It was spicy in all the right ways. The most charming thing that happened is that a Latino working there, asking us if we wanted more injera, said, "Do you want more tortillas?" We loved that.
I give them both hearty shout-outs & don't give shout-outs to any asshole drivers who apparently don't know the rules of the road. A long drive with dickwads on the road is the opposite of relaxation.
What is relaxation? Find out tomorrow morning (that's Monday) from 7:30 to 9am, on the 88.1 frequency in Lexington, & online everywhere else at wrfl dot fm. If I'm not too relaxed after the show, I'll archive it at the the Self Help Radio website.
Chill out. Listen!
We did manage to eat some amazing vegan food in Nashville at a place called The Wild Cow. Oh my invisible friend in the sky, their vegan reuben was amazing. They also had beet hummus. I had previously heard you couldn't beat beet hummus, & I was right.
In Atlanta we ate Ethiopian food at a place called Desta. Though they didn't serve the food in a traditional way, the place still made amazing Ethiopian food. It was spicy in all the right ways. The most charming thing that happened is that a Latino working there, asking us if we wanted more injera, said, "Do you want more tortillas?" We loved that.
I give them both hearty shout-outs & don't give shout-outs to any asshole drivers who apparently don't know the rules of the road. A long drive with dickwads on the road is the opposite of relaxation.
What is relaxation? Find out tomorrow morning (that's Monday) from 7:30 to 9am, on the 88.1 frequency in Lexington, & online everywhere else at wrfl dot fm. If I'm not too relaxed after the show, I'll archive it at the the Self Help Radio website.
Chill out. Listen!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Preface To Relax: How Do You Want To Relax Today?
I'll be taking a relaxing drive to Atlanta today. There I shall relax with my friend Joe, who's turning 44 today, which is 1/15th of 666. He's got so long to go.
I'll be back in time to do a show about relaxing, don't worry. Seriously. Chill out.
I'll be back in time to do a show about relaxing, don't worry. Seriously. Chill out.
Friday, September 09, 2011
Poor, Burning Texas
As you may or may not have heard, my hometown (well, the town I lived in for over twenty years, & the town where I did most of my radio) of Austin is very close to a gigantic fire that's burning just thirty or so miles to the east of it. The city of Bastrop has basically been evacuated & much of the lovely Bastrop State Park has burned down.
Here's a terrifying video of some of the fire & how fast is spreads:
This site has maps of the fire & information about it. Two people have died. 38,000 acres have burned. 550 "structures" (I'm assuming that is some kind of weird euphemism for "homes) have been destroyed.
Friends in Austin - all of whom are safe, thankfully - report that the air smells like smoke, & that in some places there have been ashes coming from the sky. & of course there's this famous picture of the Austin skyline & the smoke to the east.
It's all terrifying, & all the more strange since it's been cold & rainy in Lexington the past week. I am very grateful for social media, which has allowed me to keep tabs on people without being a worry-wart & a buttinsky. Mostly I'm glad people I know are safe, as I am sad for the folks who had to be evacuated & who lost their homes. I take no pleasure in noting that most of them probably supported Rick Perry for governor, even as he cut funding for fire departments by 75%.
It's a Texas thing. You wouldn't understand.
Here's a terrifying video of some of the fire & how fast is spreads:
This site has maps of the fire & information about it. Two people have died. 38,000 acres have burned. 550 "structures" (I'm assuming that is some kind of weird euphemism for "homes) have been destroyed.
Friends in Austin - all of whom are safe, thankfully - report that the air smells like smoke, & that in some places there have been ashes coming from the sky. & of course there's this famous picture of the Austin skyline & the smoke to the east.
It's all terrifying, & all the more strange since it's been cold & rainy in Lexington the past week. I am very grateful for social media, which has allowed me to keep tabs on people without being a worry-wart & a buttinsky. Mostly I'm glad people I know are safe, as I am sad for the folks who had to be evacuated & who lost their homes. I take no pleasure in noting that most of them probably supported Rick Perry for governor, even as he cut funding for fire departments by 75%.
It's a Texas thing. You wouldn't understand.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Eleven
Are you tired of me being so negative about the unfunny A Joke A Day service? Do you wish that I'd just unsubscribe & go back to writing nonsense only vaguely related to my radio show? Do you understand that I am just talking to myself?
If you answered "meh" to any of the above questions, you're more eloquent than I thought.
This week actually had a joke that was told to me a long time ago by one of my nieces or nephews. Probably a nephew. Told poorly, but charmingly nonetheless. I give you, then, a pretty good children's joke as told by someone who submitted it to the A Joke A Day joke subscription service:
A panda bear walks into a bar & orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, & gets up & starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food." The panda bear turns around & says, "Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room & looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black & white coloring. Eats shoots & leaves."
I corrected the misspellings in the joke. I remember there was a chick at KVRX whose email address was eats.shoots.and.leaves@whatever.com. She was not, to my best recollection, a panda.
Why does a bar have a set of encyclopedias?
If you answered "meh" to any of the above questions, you're more eloquent than I thought.
This week actually had a joke that was told to me a long time ago by one of my nieces or nephews. Probably a nephew. Told poorly, but charmingly nonetheless. I give you, then, a pretty good children's joke as told by someone who submitted it to the A Joke A Day joke subscription service:
A panda bear walks into a bar & orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, & gets up & starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food." The panda bear turns around & says, "Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room & looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black & white coloring. Eats shoots & leaves."
I corrected the misspellings in the joke. I remember there was a chick at KVRX whose email address was eats.shoots.and.leaves@whatever.com. She was not, to my best recollection, a panda.
Why does a bar have a set of encyclopedias?
Monday, September 05, 2011
A Day Of Labor Day Show
It's a Monday, it's a holiday, who am I to be contrary, why not do a Labor Day show about working? If I'm still on Mondays next year maybe not, but for right now, it seemed a good idea. & it's also appropriate that I, who don't work, should have to "work" on Labor Day.
So here are some songs for the beleaguered workers of the United States, & the world too, & although I mention it in the show, I want to share with you my favorite quote about work, from Andre Breton: "There is no use in being alive if one must work. The event from which each of us is entitled to expect the revelation of his own life's meaning - that event which I may not yet have found, but on whose path I seek myself - is not earned by work."
The show works in two parts, which are labelled helpfully part one & part two. What's in each part is listed below.
(part one)
"Welcome To The Working Week" The Methadones _21st Century Power Pop Riot_
"Working Man's Song" The Falcons _United Artists Doo-Wop Vol. 4_
"Work, Work, Work" Lee Dorsey _Ride Your Pony/Get Out Of My Life, Woman_
"I'm A Hard Workin' Man" Abner Jay _Swaunee Water & Cocaine Blues_
"The Work Song" Tommy Hunt _Dancing 'Til Dawn_
"Sixteen Tons" Tennessee Ernie Ford _Workers & The Workplace_
"Bracero" Phil Ochs _There But For Fortune_
"There Is Power In A Union" Utah Phillips & The Entertainment Workers IU 630, IWW _Don't Mourn, Organize! Songs Of Labor Songwriter Joe Hill_
"There Is Power In A Union" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_
"I'll Do Anything But Work" Ray Charles _The Swingtime Records Story_
"You Won't Get Me Workin'" Symon Grace & Tuesday Blues _Quagmire Volume 3: Being A Compendium Of Olde-Time Killer Punk Selections From The 1960s_
"Work Is A Four-Letter Word" The Smiths _Girlfriend In A Coma_
"Working Man Is Proud Of A Job He Hates" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Work Today" Lightning Love _November Birthday_
(part two)
"Never Work" Mekons _Retreat From Memphis_
"Go to Work You Jerk" Benny Bell _Go to Work You Jerk_
"Whistle While You Work" Louis Armstrong _Disney Songs The Satchmo Way_
"A Hard Day's Night" Peter Sellers _A Celebration Of Sellers_
"Housework" Carol Channing _Free To Be You & Me_
"Working In A Coal Mine" Devo _Pioneers That Were Scalped: The Anthology_
"The Worker" Fischer-Z _Word Salad_
"Work" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"You Gotta Go To Work" Rex Griffin _American Yodeling 1911-1946_
"Workin' Man Blues" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road: 1962 - 1994_
"Work" Spizz Energi _Spizz Not Dead: 1978-88 Decade Of Spizz History_
"Shift-Work" The Fall _Shift-Work_
So here are some songs for the beleaguered workers of the United States, & the world too, & although I mention it in the show, I want to share with you my favorite quote about work, from Andre Breton: "There is no use in being alive if one must work. The event from which each of us is entitled to expect the revelation of his own life's meaning - that event which I may not yet have found, but on whose path I seek myself - is not earned by work."
The show works in two parts, which are labelled helpfully part one & part two. What's in each part is listed below.
(part one)
"Welcome To The Working Week" The Methadones _21st Century Power Pop Riot_
"Working Man's Song" The Falcons _United Artists Doo-Wop Vol. 4_
"Work, Work, Work" Lee Dorsey _Ride Your Pony/Get Out Of My Life, Woman_
"I'm A Hard Workin' Man" Abner Jay _Swaunee Water & Cocaine Blues_
"The Work Song" Tommy Hunt _Dancing 'Til Dawn_
"Sixteen Tons" Tennessee Ernie Ford _Workers & The Workplace_
"Bracero" Phil Ochs _There But For Fortune_
"There Is Power In A Union" Utah Phillips & The Entertainment Workers IU 630, IWW _Don't Mourn, Organize! Songs Of Labor Songwriter Joe Hill_
"There Is Power In A Union" Billy Bragg _Talking With The Taxman About Poetry_
"I'll Do Anything But Work" Ray Charles _The Swingtime Records Story_
"You Won't Get Me Workin'" Symon Grace & Tuesday Blues _Quagmire Volume 3: Being A Compendium Of Olde-Time Killer Punk Selections From The 1960s_
"Work Is A Four-Letter Word" The Smiths _Girlfriend In A Coma_
"Working Man Is Proud Of A Job He Hates" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Work Today" Lightning Love _November Birthday_
(part two)
"Never Work" Mekons _Retreat From Memphis_
"Go to Work You Jerk" Benny Bell _Go to Work You Jerk_
"Whistle While You Work" Louis Armstrong _Disney Songs The Satchmo Way_
"A Hard Day's Night" Peter Sellers _A Celebration Of Sellers_
"Housework" Carol Channing _Free To Be You & Me_
"Working In A Coal Mine" Devo _Pioneers That Were Scalped: The Anthology_
"The Worker" Fischer-Z _Word Salad_
"Work" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"You Gotta Go To Work" Rex Griffin _American Yodeling 1911-1946_
"Workin' Man Blues" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road: 1962 - 1994_
"Work" Spizz Energi _Spizz Not Dead: 1978-88 Decade Of Spizz History_
"Shift-Work" The Fall _Shift-Work_
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Whither A Day Of Labor?
Since my show is now on Mondays - & since I hope it'll be on Mondays for a while - I have to get used to the preponderance of holidays that fall on Mondays. Memorial Day, President's Day, MLK Day - & of course Labor Day. So maybe it'll be a "regular feature" of the show that, on Labor Day, I do a work-related show.
This year, it's about work. That's all. You can hear the show on a day you may not have to work at 7:30 am tomorrow morning, on the FM dial at 88.1 in Lexington & the surrounding villas, & online at the WRFL web site everywhere & then some.
I'll archive it later at self help radio dot net because of course you'll sleep in. I don't get to, but you do.
This year, it's about work. That's all. You can hear the show on a day you may not have to work at 7:30 am tomorrow morning, on the FM dial at 88.1 in Lexington & the surrounding villas, & online at the WRFL web site everywhere & then some.
I'll archive it later at self help radio dot net because of course you'll sleep in. I don't get to, but you do.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Preface To A Day Of Labor: You Have To Work On Labor Day?
Hey, I'm not the only one. & really, Self Help Radio isn't really work. Have a look at this link: Ten People Who Have To Work On Labor Day.
No, it's not names like Betty, Benny & Bob. It's types of professions, like police, correctional officers, nurses, wastewater treatment plant operators, & air traffic controllers. You know who's not on that list? Convenience store workers. Fast food workers. Community radio station volunteers.
In fact, this article points out something you might not have known about those folks (well, not the radio volunteers - we do it for free):
For millions of workers, Labor Day is another day on the job... The law actually does not require employers to pay any wage premium when they force their employees to work on Labor Day, or any other national holiday. This means that many of the people grilling burgers at fast food restaurants, staffing the checkout counter at convenience stores, or cleaning the bathrooms in hotels, get the same hourly pay when they are forced to work on Labor Day, as they do any other day of the year.
They get no compensation whatsoever for being separated from their friends and family on a national holiday. According to data from the Labor Department, 25.5 million workers do not get any paid holiday time, meaning that they either get the holidays off without pay, or they are forced to work at their regular wage. Similarly, 22.2 million workers have no paid vacation at their job.
Some places do offer time & a half as an incentive for folks to work on Labor Day. WRFL, for example, gives me my regular hourly wage, which is nothing, plus two times that, & a pat on the back. But I have worked at shitty jobs - like in a video store & a gas station - & they paid me time & a half on holidays.
Not that they were nice guys - they simply knew no one would work if they didn't. But in those situations, I was just a kid who didn't really need the job. What if I did?
You should ask, if you visit a convenience store or a fast food jernt on Labor Day, if the folks are getting time & a half. Especially if you get the day off.
No, it's not names like Betty, Benny & Bob. It's types of professions, like police, correctional officers, nurses, wastewater treatment plant operators, & air traffic controllers. You know who's not on that list? Convenience store workers. Fast food workers. Community radio station volunteers.
In fact, this article points out something you might not have known about those folks (well, not the radio volunteers - we do it for free):
For millions of workers, Labor Day is another day on the job... The law actually does not require employers to pay any wage premium when they force their employees to work on Labor Day, or any other national holiday. This means that many of the people grilling burgers at fast food restaurants, staffing the checkout counter at convenience stores, or cleaning the bathrooms in hotels, get the same hourly pay when they are forced to work on Labor Day, as they do any other day of the year.
They get no compensation whatsoever for being separated from their friends and family on a national holiday. According to data from the Labor Department, 25.5 million workers do not get any paid holiday time, meaning that they either get the holidays off without pay, or they are forced to work at their regular wage. Similarly, 22.2 million workers have no paid vacation at their job.
Some places do offer time & a half as an incentive for folks to work on Labor Day. WRFL, for example, gives me my regular hourly wage, which is nothing, plus two times that, & a pat on the back. But I have worked at shitty jobs - like in a video store & a gas station - & they paid me time & a half on holidays.
Not that they were nice guys - they simply knew no one would work if they didn't. But in those situations, I was just a kid who didn't really need the job. What if I did?
You should ask, if you visit a convenience store or a fast food jernt on Labor Day, if the folks are getting time & a half. Especially if you get the day off.
Friday, September 02, 2011
The Sickliest
There might be some irony in the fact that I did a Self Help Radio about sickness & then, a week later, caught a cold (*). While that is certainly some powerful cause & effect, it might also be that thousands of students from all over converged on Lexington & some of them brought viruses & germs with them from god-knows-where, & a small but significant portion of them came to the radio station & talked on the same microphone that I used on that Monday morning a week ago. In any event, I am fortunate I could take the time this week to goof out on Sudafed & make my mouth sticky with cough drops. I am feeling a little better today.
I can't remember the last time I had a cold, but I also don't remember sickness well. I remember getting a cold in Huntington over a year ago, because I just went to bed at that time until it went away. It also came right after a radio show, but it was at the end of the semester, not the beginning. It was a harder cold than this one, but I knew the proper treatment: take medication to make me sleep & wait until it went away. Anyway, I thought I'd use this blog as a place to mark when I get sick so I could see if I am declining in my old age.
So. I caught a cold August 30, 2011. I did not die.
I did manage to make dinner for my lovely wife last night - it was chili, it was awesome - but because of my sinuses laying on my face like an iron skillet, I couldn't taste anything. I did appreciate the texture & my tongue reported it was spicy. But that's all.
How did I know it was awesome? My wife told me so.
What, more Sudafed? If you insist. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
(*) I am thinking of doing a Self Help Radio about winning the lottery to test my radio show's power.
I can't remember the last time I had a cold, but I also don't remember sickness well. I remember getting a cold in Huntington over a year ago, because I just went to bed at that time until it went away. It also came right after a radio show, but it was at the end of the semester, not the beginning. It was a harder cold than this one, but I knew the proper treatment: take medication to make me sleep & wait until it went away. Anyway, I thought I'd use this blog as a place to mark when I get sick so I could see if I am declining in my old age.
So. I caught a cold August 30, 2011. I did not die.
I did manage to make dinner for my lovely wife last night - it was chili, it was awesome - but because of my sinuses laying on my face like an iron skillet, I couldn't taste anything. I did appreciate the texture & my tongue reported it was spicy. But that's all.
How did I know it was awesome? My wife told me so.
What, more Sudafed? If you insist. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
(*) I am thinking of doing a Self Help Radio about winning the lottery to test my radio show's power.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Ten
The A Joke A Day folks continued their incredible losing streak this week with more sexist jokes about wives loathing their husbands, with motorists trying to fool cops, with boring proto-Dilbert office-work-sucks style jokes, with "hilarious" children (they say the fuckiest things!), & with jokes written by comedians new to the planet. But this one struck me as peculiar, & although it is part of the A Joke A Day system, it feels more like it's supposed to be true, doesn't it?
Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Needless to say, there's nothing true about this, & it appears to have actually started out as a joke, but made its way, through retelling online, into "urban legend" status. As the page at snopes.com explains:
As to whether there could be any truth to the legend's premise, insurance policies are generally written so that deliberate actions on the part of the policyholders cannot trigger payouts. Furthermore, destroying your own property isn't arson, as long as the act isn't intended to defraud anyone. If a court had already ruled that the insurance company was required to pay, then obviously no fraud was committed, and thus the burning could not be considered arson.
Not so funny now, eh, Mr. A Joke A Day?
As a bonus, I give you this week's Non-Joke. Oh, it looks like a joke. It even has a certain rhythm like a joke. But is it a joke? No! It's A Joke A Day!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Needless to say, there's nothing true about this, & it appears to have actually started out as a joke, but made its way, through retelling online, into "urban legend" status. As the page at snopes.com explains:
As to whether there could be any truth to the legend's premise, insurance policies are generally written so that deliberate actions on the part of the policyholders cannot trigger payouts. Furthermore, destroying your own property isn't arson, as long as the act isn't intended to defraud anyone. If a court had already ruled that the insurance company was required to pay, then obviously no fraud was committed, and thus the burning could not be considered arson.
Not so funny now, eh, Mr. A Joke A Day?
As a bonus, I give you this week's Non-Joke. Oh, it looks like a joke. It even has a certain rhythm like a joke. But is it a joke? No! It's A Joke A Day!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
Monday, August 29, 2011
More Indiepop! For You!
As you know, a long time ago, thinking I might live forever, I came up with the notion, thanks to the folks who maintain the band pages at TweeNet, that I could make a few nice radio shows playing indiepop bands from a to z. I decided to include bands they didn't, & also, just to make it interesting, some bands who I thought influenced indiepop in some way. Now, thirty-three episodes later, I am still on the letter G, & will die (I know it) before I get to the letter S.
Ah well. I think it's a lot of fun to research & try to be as complete as possible, & I hope it's fun to listen to. To get as much done as possible, I hijacked the freeform show that precedes Self Help Radio (which I also do), called Sugar Substitute, so I could play three hours of indiepop today, from Gentle Tuesday to the Gol Gappas. It's a lot of fun music.
The show is therefore in FOUR parts instead of two, since it's two shows divided in two. The entire show is at Self Help Radio dot net, of course, but the individual links are as follows:
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part II
What's in each section is below. Remember, the previous editions of Indiepop A To Z can be found on the Self Help Radio Archive page. In case you want to check my alphabetization skills.
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part I
"I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In My Life" Gentle Tuesday _I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In All My Life 7"_
"Weathershow" The Gentle Waves _The Green Fields Of Foreverland_
"Fluid" The Gerbils _Are You Sleepy?_
"Color Vibration" The German Measles _A German Joke Is No Laughing Matter_
"Geek The Girl" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"I Like It" Gerry & The Pacemakers _The British Invasion: A History Of British Rock_
"Isolated" Ghost Society _The Back Of His Hands, Then The Palms_
"Painting By Numbers" The Gifted Children _Painting By Numbers 7"_
"Favourite Song" Gigantaur _LemonLime Volume 1_
"Alone At The Pier (with Rose Melberg)" Gigi _Maintenant_
"Renaissance Girl" Gilroy _Renaissance Girl_
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part II
"Goldfish" Ginger Bottles _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 6_
"Frances & The Dancing Fairies" Girl Alliance _Summer In Berlin_
"The Soundtrack Of Your Life" A Girl Called Eddy _Tears All Over Town_
"Warm Around You" Girl Of My Best Friend _Warm Around You 7"_
"Circus" Girl Of The World _Wonderboy_
"Please Wait While We Try To Connect You" Girlboy Girl _Fresco_
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo _So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Lust For Life" Girls _Album_
"Never Enough" The Girls At Dawn _Never Enough_
"Getting Nowhere Fast" Girls At Our Best! _Pleasure_
"When You Cry" Girls Names _Dead To Me_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part I
"Ride My Star" The Girl With The Replaceable Head _Ride My Star EP_
"This Is Love" The Gist _This Is Love_
"It's Raining All Of The Time" The Git Shields _A Chance To Shine_
"Today... Please" Glaring Surge _Just For A Day_
"Paper Airplanes" The Glasses _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation_
"No Reason" The Glee Club _Mine_
"Stars Above" Glo-Worm _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"New York Boy" Gloss _New York Boy_
"Punish Me With Kisses" The Glove _Blue Sunshine_
"Streets Of Your Town" The Go-Betweens _16 Lovers Lane_
"Go Between's Gig" Go Go Charlton _Beaucoup Schlager_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part II
"Vacation" Go-Go's _Vacation_
"Flight Of Angels" Go Hole _Flight Of Angels_
"Listening To Marmalade" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Charts_
"I'm Still Crying" Go Sailor _Go Sailor_
"Real Life" Go! Service _It Makes Me Realise EP_
"Your Back Yard" Go Team Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Funny Little Frog" God Help The Girl _God Help The Girl_
"We'll Keep Our Chains" Vic Godard _Long Term Side-Effect_
"Your Future" Godzuki _Your Future_
"Copycat" Going Stagg _Ocean Park Paradox! U.S. Pop Life Vol. 6: California_
"St. Lucy" Gol Gappas _Bellissimo! él Records The Singles_
Ah well. I think it's a lot of fun to research & try to be as complete as possible, & I hope it's fun to listen to. To get as much done as possible, I hijacked the freeform show that precedes Self Help Radio (which I also do), called Sugar Substitute, so I could play three hours of indiepop today, from Gentle Tuesday to the Gol Gappas. It's a lot of fun music.
The show is therefore in FOUR parts instead of two, since it's two shows divided in two. The entire show is at Self Help Radio dot net, of course, but the individual links are as follows:
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 32, Part II
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part I
Indiepop A To Z # 33, Part II
What's in each section is below. Remember, the previous editions of Indiepop A To Z can be found on the Self Help Radio Archive page. In case you want to check my alphabetization skills.
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part I
"I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In My Life" Gentle Tuesday _I've Never Been So Poorly Insulted In All My Life 7"_
"Weathershow" The Gentle Waves _The Green Fields Of Foreverland_
"Fluid" The Gerbils _Are You Sleepy?_
"Color Vibration" The German Measles _A German Joke Is No Laughing Matter_
"Geek The Girl" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"I Like It" Gerry & The Pacemakers _The British Invasion: A History Of British Rock_
"Isolated" Ghost Society _The Back Of His Hands, Then The Palms_
"Painting By Numbers" The Gifted Children _Painting By Numbers 7"_
"Favourite Song" Gigantaur _LemonLime Volume 1_
"Alone At The Pier (with Rose Melberg)" Gigi _Maintenant_
"Renaissance Girl" Gilroy _Renaissance Girl_
Indiepop A To Z # 32 Part II
"Goldfish" Ginger Bottles _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol. 6_
"Frances & The Dancing Fairies" Girl Alliance _Summer In Berlin_
"The Soundtrack Of Your Life" A Girl Called Eddy _Tears All Over Town_
"Warm Around You" Girl Of My Best Friend _Warm Around You 7"_
"Circus" Girl Of The World _Wonderboy_
"Please Wait While We Try To Connect You" Girlboy Girl _Fresco_
"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo _So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_
"Lust For Life" Girls _Album_
"Never Enough" The Girls At Dawn _Never Enough_
"Getting Nowhere Fast" Girls At Our Best! _Pleasure_
"When You Cry" Girls Names _Dead To Me_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part I
"Ride My Star" The Girl With The Replaceable Head _Ride My Star EP_
"This Is Love" The Gist _This Is Love_
"It's Raining All Of The Time" The Git Shields _A Chance To Shine_
"Today... Please" Glaring Surge _Just For A Day_
"Paper Airplanes" The Glasses _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation_
"No Reason" The Glee Club _Mine_
"Stars Above" Glo-Worm _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"New York Boy" Gloss _New York Boy_
"Punish Me With Kisses" The Glove _Blue Sunshine_
"Streets Of Your Town" The Go-Betweens _16 Lovers Lane_
"Go Between's Gig" Go Go Charlton _Beaucoup Schlager_
Indiepop A To Z # 33 Part II
"Vacation" Go-Go's _Vacation_
"Flight Of Angels" Go Hole _Flight Of Angels_
"Listening To Marmalade" Go-Kart Mozart _Tearing Up The Album Charts_
"I'm Still Crying" Go Sailor _Go Sailor_
"Real Life" Go! Service _It Makes Me Realise EP_
"Your Back Yard" Go Team Throw: The Yoyo Studio Compilation_
"Funny Little Frog" God Help The Girl _God Help The Girl_
"We'll Keep Our Chains" Vic Godard _Long Term Side-Effect_
"Your Future" Godzuki _Your Future_
"Copycat" Going Stagg _Ocean Park Paradox! U.S. Pop Life Vol. 6: California_
"St. Lucy" Gol Gappas _Bellissimo! él Records The Singles_
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Whither Indiepop A To Z # 32?
Actually, it'll be Indiepop A To Z #s 32 & 33. I'm hijacking Sugar Substitute for just such an occasion.
Um, I might as well keep going, right? All those indiepop bands who've been waiting for me to get to them - their name starts with J, or N, or V. How can I stop now?
I'm still in the Gs. I'll still be in the Gs at the end of three hours. I may be in the "golds." But who knows? Not me.
You should listen. It's from 6 to 9am tomorrow morning (that's Monday) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl.fm in anywhere else. You can listen to previous episodes (Indiepop A To Gentle D) in the Self Help Radio Archive.
I promise not to talk about Happy Days anymore.
Um, I might as well keep going, right? All those indiepop bands who've been waiting for me to get to them - their name starts with J, or N, or V. How can I stop now?
I'm still in the Gs. I'll still be in the Gs at the end of three hours. I may be in the "golds." But who knows? Not me.
You should listen. It's from 6 to 9am tomorrow morning (that's Monday) on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington. You can listen online at wrfl.fm in anywhere else. You can listen to previous episodes (Indiepop A To Gentle D) in the Self Help Radio Archive.
I promise not to talk about Happy Days anymore.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 32: Nothing At All About Indiepop
I will be continuing the Indiepop A To Z series this Monday morning - it'll be a special three-hour episode, encompassing both Self Help Radio & Sugar Substitute - but tonight from midnight to three am on WRFL Lexington (that's 88.1 on your fm dial in the city of Lexington & the surrounding horse farms) I'll be playing electronica like I used to do when I did Dickenbock Electronics. I miss that show. Oh well.
Tune in! You can listen everywhere & nowhere at all on the WRFL web site. You can listen to any show on WRFL there. It's pretty awesome.
I must go nap now. It'll be a long night.
Tune in! You can listen everywhere & nowhere at all on the WRFL web site. You can listen to any show on WRFL there. It's pretty awesome.
I must go nap now. It'll be a long night.
Friday, August 26, 2011
I'm Going To Frankfort!
That's right! Tomorrow I will spend what I hope are not very many hours in lovely Frankfort, Kentucky, capital of the Commonwealth. I will be putting up posters in what I hope are friendly shop windows for WRFL's upcoming music festival called Boomslang. I hope I don't get shot!
If your destination is Frankfort, then you should visit the Visit Frankfort web site! For example, did you know that "West Frankfort has more of the family - sit down style restaurants where the whole family can find somet and much more to satisfy any craving."
(Is this strange & wonderful sounding "somet" a Kentucky delicacy? I can't wait to find out!)
What are some of these "sit down style restaurants" on the west side of Frankfort? They have exotic names like "Applebee's" & "Arby's" & "Burger King" & "Chili's" & "Sonic." I'm pretty excited about that!
Oh, the things I do for the radio station I love. Do you want me to send you a picture of me by the capitol rotunda?
(By the way, I've already been to Frankfurt, Germany, where my mother was born. I'm sure Frankfort is just as exciting.)
If your destination is Frankfort, then you should visit the Visit Frankfort web site! For example, did you know that "West Frankfort has more of the family - sit down style restaurants where the whole family can find somet and much more to satisfy any craving."
(Is this strange & wonderful sounding "somet" a Kentucky delicacy? I can't wait to find out!)
What are some of these "sit down style restaurants" on the west side of Frankfort? They have exotic names like "Applebee's" & "Arby's" & "Burger King" & "Chili's" & "Sonic." I'm pretty excited about that!
Oh, the things I do for the radio station I love. Do you want me to send you a picture of me by the capitol rotunda?
(By the way, I've already been to Frankfurt, Germany, where my mother was born. I'm sure Frankfort is just as exciting.)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Nine
It was the week of the weak A Joke A Day joke. I mean, for a mostly worthless daily dose of unfunny, you seriously can't beat the folks at A Joke A Day. But this week it was like they asked a group of groggy seven-year-olds to come up with the jokes. For example:
A duck walked into a bakery one day & asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back & asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The following day the duck returned & asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." & the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
If I honestly thought someone honestly thought it was funny, I might appreciate it. But it's really the sort of joke my friends & I would try to invent when we were in elementary school.
I mean, it's the sort of joke that you have to laugh after you've told it to cue everyone in on the fact that you've just told a joke.
The A Joke A Day people should find a way to incorporate a laugh track.
Bonus unfunny below!
A man goes to an optician asking for help about his shortsightedness.
The optician invites the man to go outside the shop, points to the sun & asks the man what that is. The man somewhat stunned replies obviously: that’s the sun! Thereafter the optician asks: but how far do you want to see?
Thereafter?
A duck walked into a bakery one day & asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back & asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The following day the duck returned & asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." & the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
If I honestly thought someone honestly thought it was funny, I might appreciate it. But it's really the sort of joke my friends & I would try to invent when we were in elementary school.
I mean, it's the sort of joke that you have to laugh after you've told it to cue everyone in on the fact that you've just told a joke.
The A Joke A Day people should find a way to incorporate a laugh track.
Bonus unfunny below!
A man goes to an optician asking for help about his shortsightedness.
The optician invites the man to go outside the shop, points to the sun & asks the man what that is. The man somewhat stunned replies obviously: that’s the sun! Thereafter the optician asks: but how far do you want to see?
Thereafter?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sick Help Radio
Self Help Radio apologizes to anyone who tuned in to today's show, which was about sickness, & got sick. You must have been a first-time listener. Those who have listened to the show before are well aware that it can cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, the sweats, itchiness, swelling, cracking, vague unease, stinkiness, changes in eye color, & opprobrium. & that's true with most any Self Help Radio show, not just today's episode about sickness.
The show today is not available in the pharmacy section of your local supermarket (nor your grocer's freezer), but instead is stocked on the shelves of self help radio dot net. It comes as a two-pack: the first half of the show is in this container & the second half is in this container. The contents of each half are listed below.
I don't imagine it would be safe to operate heavy machinery while listening to Self Help Radio but upon further consideration I don't think it would be unsafe, either. The heavy machinery may drown out the show!
(part one)
"Sick" Beatnik Filmstars _Laid Back & English_
"Sick" Boss Hogg _Boss Hogg_
"Dust Pneumonia Blues" Woody Guthrie _Some Folk_
"T.B. Blues" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"High Fever Blues" Bukka White _The Complete Bukka White_
"Sickbed Blues" Skip James _Blues From The Delta_
"Cold Turkey" John Lennon _The Collection_
"Chills & Fever" Ronnie Love _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Rocking Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu" Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns _Having A Good Time With Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns_
"I'm Sick Y'all" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
(part two)
"The Flu & Nyquil" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Sick, Sober & Sorry" Johnny Bond _Johnny Bond's Best_
"Malaria" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_
"Stomach Flu" Todd Barry _Falling Off The Bone_
"Cancer Of Everything" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"In The Sanitorium" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Still Ill" Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_
"Touch Me I'm Sick" Mudhoney _March To Fuzz_
"So Sick" Unrest _Perfect Teeth_
"Robitusson" Chris Rock _Bigger & Blacker_
"The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn" The Pogues _Rum Sodomy & The Lash_
"I'm A Living Sickness" Calico Wall _Trash Box: Wild Psychotic Garage Punk!!!_
The show today is not available in the pharmacy section of your local supermarket (nor your grocer's freezer), but instead is stocked on the shelves of self help radio dot net. It comes as a two-pack: the first half of the show is in this container & the second half is in this container. The contents of each half are listed below.
I don't imagine it would be safe to operate heavy machinery while listening to Self Help Radio but upon further consideration I don't think it would be unsafe, either. The heavy machinery may drown out the show!
(part one)
"Sick" Beatnik Filmstars _Laid Back & English_
"Sick" Boss Hogg _Boss Hogg_
"Dust Pneumonia Blues" Woody Guthrie _Some Folk_
"T.B. Blues" Jimmie Rodgers _The Singing Brakeman_
"High Fever Blues" Bukka White _The Complete Bukka White_
"Sickbed Blues" Skip James _Blues From The Delta_
"Cold Turkey" John Lennon _The Collection_
"Chills & Fever" Ronnie Love _Whip! Wobble & Grind! 1962-1964_
"Rocking Pneumonia & The Boogie Woogie Flu" Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns _Having A Good Time With Huey "Piano" Smith & His Clowns_
"I'm Sick Y'all" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
(part two)
"The Flu & Nyquil" Lewis Black _The White Album_
"Sick, Sober & Sorry" Johnny Bond _Johnny Bond's Best_
"Malaria" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_
"Stomach Flu" Todd Barry _Falling Off The Bone_
"Cancer Of Everything" Lisa Germano _Geek The Girl_
"In The Sanitorium" Momus _Tender Pervert_
"Still Ill" Smiths _Hatful Of Hollow_
"Touch Me I'm Sick" Mudhoney _March To Fuzz_
"So Sick" Unrest _Perfect Teeth_
"Robitusson" Chris Rock _Bigger & Blacker_
"The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn" The Pogues _Rum Sodomy & The Lash_
"I'm A Living Sickness" Calico Wall _Trash Box: Wild Psychotic Garage Punk!!!_
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Whither Sickness?
I am not a sickly person, though I am not entirely a healthy person. My family seems about as medicated (if not more) as the average American, which is a damning statement. I take vitamins & iron to make sure my vegan lifestyle doesn't do me harm, & I take medication for what I am told is a genetic predisposition toward high blood pressure. I can't recall the last time I was really sick.
The wife tells me the last time I had a really bad cold was over a year ago, in the winter, in West Virginia. I seem to remember getting colds all the time in the summers in Texas, where I would constantly travel from 68 degrees indoors to 100+ temperatures outdoors, & back, all day long. I also remember having fewer colds when I was a smoker. But my memory is hazy, getting hazier over time. My brain rewrites constantly.
A show about sickness ought not be a celebration of sickness. We are a very sick world. This week's "Louie" had a riff about how American children eat candy-flavored medicine. I wish I had the ability Louis CK had to put things into perspective in that way. I guess I try. I know I don't do so well.
I'm almost afraid to invite you to the show, but, well, here we go: Self Help Radio's show about sickness will air tomorrow morning (Monday the 22nd) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm everywhere there's a world wide web. Later I will hang the finished product out to dry at self help radio dot net.
I did think it'd be funny if I got sick before the show & had to reschedule. But. That didn't happen.
The wife tells me the last time I had a really bad cold was over a year ago, in the winter, in West Virginia. I seem to remember getting colds all the time in the summers in Texas, where I would constantly travel from 68 degrees indoors to 100+ temperatures outdoors, & back, all day long. I also remember having fewer colds when I was a smoker. But my memory is hazy, getting hazier over time. My brain rewrites constantly.
A show about sickness ought not be a celebration of sickness. We are a very sick world. This week's "Louie" had a riff about how American children eat candy-flavored medicine. I wish I had the ability Louis CK had to put things into perspective in that way. I guess I try. I know I don't do so well.
I'm almost afraid to invite you to the show, but, well, here we go: Self Help Radio's show about sickness will air tomorrow morning (Monday the 22nd) from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm everywhere there's a world wide web. Later I will hang the finished product out to dry at self help radio dot net.
I did think it'd be funny if I got sick before the show & had to reschedule. But. That didn't happen.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Preface To Sickness: Are You Okay?
I have been looking over this slideshow of US Health Statistics 2010. The actual report is right here. It's a kind of lurid fun read. Americans seem to get less healthy the more their country falls apart around them. I highly recommend a glance at the "at a glance" pdf. It includes wonderful poetic sentences like "The proportion of American adults 20 years of age & over who were obese rose in the 1980s & 1990s. In 2007–2008, about one-third of adults were obese & about two-thirds were overweight or obese." It also has awesome graphs that will make you hungry to look at like these:
I just ate dinner & I feel like I'm starving. What a good American I am!
I just ate dinner & I feel like I'm starving. What a good American I am!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Don't Make Fun Of Online Gaming, Not In My Presence, Mister Ma'am
Once upon a time
There was a lonely haiku
Who died of neglect
There's a group of poets out there - they know who they are - who think they can call a poem by a defined term - like haiku, or sonnet, or villanelle - even if they're not following the rules. They think they're awful cool.
If they were really cool, they'd write (or one of them would write, proving that she or he was cooler than the rest of them) a book of poems of all the different kinds of poetry. There's probably more than what's on that list as well. Some really obscure shit. Yeah!
The reason that they don't, of course, is the same reason that they write a poem that looks like this:
Gentle evening rain in air
Washed the weary sun setting clean
Like a washed face over a basin
Getting ready to sleep
& call it a haiku - it's because they're lazy.
Lazy can be revolutionary, though. So perhaps they're cool after all.
There was a lonely haiku
Who died of neglect
There's a group of poets out there - they know who they are - who think they can call a poem by a defined term - like haiku, or sonnet, or villanelle - even if they're not following the rules. They think they're awful cool.
If they were really cool, they'd write (or one of them would write, proving that she or he was cooler than the rest of them) a book of poems of all the different kinds of poetry. There's probably more than what's on that list as well. Some really obscure shit. Yeah!
The reason that they don't, of course, is the same reason that they write a poem that looks like this:
Gentle evening rain in air
Washed the weary sun setting clean
Like a washed face over a basin
Getting ready to sleep
& call it a haiku - it's because they're lazy.
Lazy can be revolutionary, though. So perhaps they're cool after all.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Eight
The difference between a bad joke & a good joke is not something I - & I am not a comedian - or even, some would doubtless say, very funny - it's not something I feel qualified or equipped to discuss. I only focus on this A Joke A Day series because they're just so horribly unfunny that the most easily tickled must scratch their heads in befuddlement just trying to grasp these shabby attempts at humor.
But if, let's say, the difference between how good a joke is received is in the telling, the fine lackadaisical editors (let's assume they exist) must appreciate that the success or failure of their A Joke A Day jokes would benefit from their presentation. As I've mentioned before, there is no evidence - none whatsoever - that there is even the most rudimentary attempt at a basic rewrite of submitted jokes. Someone - possibly even an automated computer program, which looks for keywords like racial epithets & profanity - glosses over them, makes sure they look a little like a joke, safely sanitized, & then rubber-stamp them.
Or else how explain Saturday's A Joke A Day? I reprint it exactly as I received it:
Steve lived in Stated Island, NY and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferry home every night. One evening, he got sown to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so Steve decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was felling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Steve. Afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. “How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud Steve to a deck hand. “It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
I'm not sure if the joke is funny or not. I couldn't get past the glaring spelling mistakes & the weird one-word sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph.
Don't the A Joke A Day people know there are recently-graduated English majors out there who would gladly take a shitty job for little pay with their company? That they could easily edit a joke like this?
Astounding.
But if, let's say, the difference between how good a joke is received is in the telling, the fine lackadaisical editors (let's assume they exist) must appreciate that the success or failure of their A Joke A Day jokes would benefit from their presentation. As I've mentioned before, there is no evidence - none whatsoever - that there is even the most rudimentary attempt at a basic rewrite of submitted jokes. Someone - possibly even an automated computer program, which looks for keywords like racial epithets & profanity - glosses over them, makes sure they look a little like a joke, safely sanitized, & then rubber-stamp them.
Or else how explain Saturday's A Joke A Day? I reprint it exactly as I received it:
Steve lived in Stated Island, NY and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferry home every night. One evening, he got sown to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so Steve decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was felling no pain. When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock.
Steve. Afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat. “How did you like that jump, buddy?” said a proud Steve to a deck hand. “It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
I'm not sure if the joke is funny or not. I couldn't get past the glaring spelling mistakes & the weird one-word sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph.
Don't the A Joke A Day people know there are recently-graduated English majors out there who would gladly take a shitty job for little pay with their company? That they could easily edit a joke like this?
Astounding.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Confusion Is Not Sexy
You know what's confusing? Doing a radio show about confusion & then returning home to put most everything you own into boxes that very same say & then, even later, watching strong men - men you've paid - put them in a giant truck & take them somewhere else.
Also, waking up the next day in a different place than where you previously woke up, & finding those selfsame boxes you packed before suddenly filled with tapioca pudding & grief. Then the yellowjackets attack!
That's pretty confusing. Self Help Radio this week confused itself, too. You can join in on the perplexity if you're so inclined. The show is available now at self help radio dot net. So as not to confuse you further, I've broken the show into two parts. Though still confusing, the parts do have certain songs played during their duration - I've listed those below. Click here: part one &/or part two. Part three is only available in outer space.
(part one)
"Confusion" Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry _Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry Sing_
"Confused" Paul Gayten _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Confused" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"My Confusion" The Elite _Fort Worth Teen Scene Vol. 2_
"Confusion" Randy & The Rest _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6: Come On In To My World_
"A Whole Lot Of Confusion" The Ethics _Trip In Tyme, Volume 2_
"Confusion All Day" The Petards _Electrick Loosers # 3 (The Rheingold Rampage 1964-1970)_
"Confusion" Thee Mighty Caesars _Surely They Were The Sons Of God_
"State Of Confusion" The Kinks _State Of Confusion_
"Confusion" Lee Dorsey _People Sure Act Funny_
"Ball Of Confusion" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"Confusion" Chocolate Milk _Action Speaks Louder Than Words_
(part two)
"World Of Confusion" Sylvan White _Africans Unite_
"Confusion" New Order _Substance_
"Get Confused" Fischerspooner _Odyssey_
"People, You Can Confuse" Adult. _Anxiety Always_
"Dazed & Confused" Sofia _Search & Destroy_
"Confusion Fog" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"Confusion" Silver Apples _Contact_
"Confusion" Sparks _Big Beat_
"I'm So Confused" Jonathan Richman _I'm So Confused_
Also, waking up the next day in a different place than where you previously woke up, & finding those selfsame boxes you packed before suddenly filled with tapioca pudding & grief. Then the yellowjackets attack!
That's pretty confusing. Self Help Radio this week confused itself, too. You can join in on the perplexity if you're so inclined. The show is available now at self help radio dot net. So as not to confuse you further, I've broken the show into two parts. Though still confusing, the parts do have certain songs played during their duration - I've listed those below. Click here: part one &/or part two. Part three is only available in outer space.
(part one)
"Confusion" Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry _Brownie McGhee & Sonny Terry Sing_
"Confused" Paul Gayten _Gettin' Funky: The Birth Of New Orleans R & B_
"Confused" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"My Confusion" The Elite _Fort Worth Teen Scene Vol. 2_
"Confusion" Randy & The Rest _Fuzz, Flaykes, & Shakes, Vol. 6: Come On In To My World_
"A Whole Lot Of Confusion" The Ethics _Trip In Tyme, Volume 2_
"Confusion All Day" The Petards _Electrick Loosers # 3 (The Rheingold Rampage 1964-1970)_
"Confusion" Thee Mighty Caesars _Surely They Were The Sons Of God_
"State Of Confusion" The Kinks _State Of Confusion_
"Confusion" Lee Dorsey _People Sure Act Funny_
"Ball Of Confusion" The Temptations _Emperors Of Soul_
"Confusion" Chocolate Milk _Action Speaks Louder Than Words_
(part two)
"World Of Confusion" Sylvan White _Africans Unite_
"Confusion" New Order _Substance_
"Get Confused" Fischerspooner _Odyssey_
"People, You Can Confuse" Adult. _Anxiety Always_
"Dazed & Confused" Sofia _Search & Destroy_
"Confusion Fog" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"Confusion" Silver Apples _Contact_
"Confusion" Sparks _Big Beat_
"I'm So Confused" Jonathan Richman _I'm So Confused_
Monday, August 15, 2011
Moved into a new house today
Had a wonderful show this morning.
Will post it tomorrow.
Maybe it will prove me wrong.
Apologies but I got to see most everything I own taken from one place to another.
In boxes.
I do enjoy writing as though I am writing on postcards.
Man am I tired.
Tomorrow then.
Tomorrow.
Will post it tomorrow.
Maybe it will prove me wrong.
Apologies but I got to see most everything I own taken from one place to another.
In boxes.
I do enjoy writing as though I am writing on postcards.
Man am I tired.
Tomorrow then.
Tomorrow.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Whither Confusion?
You know what's confusing? Spending a day packing because after your Monday Morning radio show you're moving into a brand new house!
Well, not brand new. New to you, though!
That's a lot of confusion. You forget to write in your blog & everything!
Also, you use a lot of exclamation points. When you're confused.
You're not too confused to mention that Monday morning at 7:30 sharpish you'll be on the radio doing your Self Help Radio show about confusion, though. That's at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & online at WRFL dot fm.
You hope the day's not so confusing you can't put it online later at self help radio dot net. But you can't make any promises either.
Wait. Who are you? What am I saying? I'm so confused.
Well, not brand new. New to you, though!
That's a lot of confusion. You forget to write in your blog & everything!
Also, you use a lot of exclamation points. When you're confused.
You're not too confused to mention that Monday morning at 7:30 sharpish you'll be on the radio doing your Self Help Radio show about confusion, though. That's at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington & online at WRFL dot fm.
You hope the day's not so confusing you can't put it online later at self help radio dot net. But you can't make any promises either.
Wait. Who are you? What am I saying? I'm so confused.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Preface To Confusion: Humid Pub Diagram
Humid Pub Diagram is a natural science presentation prepared by the children of P.S. 4 To The 8th Power from downtown You-Know-Where. While we the undersigned understand that children should not be allowed in any drinking establishment, we did make sure they had no fake IDs and shook each other's hands for a job well done.
Most of the children, it should be noted, had no concept of "death" & only a limited concept of "forever." This is why the choice of magic markers is so important to today's "education" crowd. But the children got lost in the sad, milling crowd of laid-off teachers and we feared for their - & our - safety.
There were too many butterflies & not enough nets, which (it turns out) suited the butterflies fine. Most of the children has enough sense not to stick the fluttering insects in their mouths. Oh, but not Charles! Charles was exhibiting the same traits that serial killers do in television shows. Oh that Charles!
The judges were on loan from different organizations - half from the Miss Sarasota Beauty Pageant, half from the National Science Foundation. While they found the children adorable, it is not hyperbole to say that their poster presentations were shabby, amateurish, and often utterly illegible. Two judges quit in protest!
As the survey ceased & the parents were released from lock-up, two patterns quickly emerged. The first suggested that alcoholic children managed to be only slightly more delightful than alcoholic adults. The second showed with some certainty that humid pubs are never desirable, not even in the driest of climates.
Most of the children, it should be noted, had no concept of "death" & only a limited concept of "forever." This is why the choice of magic markers is so important to today's "education" crowd. But the children got lost in the sad, milling crowd of laid-off teachers and we feared for their - & our - safety.
There were too many butterflies & not enough nets, which (it turns out) suited the butterflies fine. Most of the children has enough sense not to stick the fluttering insects in their mouths. Oh, but not Charles! Charles was exhibiting the same traits that serial killers do in television shows. Oh that Charles!
The judges were on loan from different organizations - half from the Miss Sarasota Beauty Pageant, half from the National Science Foundation. While they found the children adorable, it is not hyperbole to say that their poster presentations were shabby, amateurish, and often utterly illegible. Two judges quit in protest!
As the survey ceased & the parents were released from lock-up, two patterns quickly emerged. The first suggested that alcoholic children managed to be only slightly more delightful than alcoholic adults. The second showed with some certainty that humid pubs are never desirable, not even in the driest of climates.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Guru
Have I talked about Sam Harris before? I think the guy's amazing. Here he is answering questions in the second installment of the series "Ask Sam Harris Anything." I don't know what I'd ask him. Actually I do. But I won't ask it here.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Seven
I confess I didn't read many of the A Joke A Day jokes this week. I may be experiencing a kind of burnout. A couple of them were a little longish, so I just pasted them into a file to access them when I wrote about them, & read maybe the first couple of lines. Half of them were short riddles or one-liners, about as funny as you'd expect. One of them was one of those lists that begins "You know you're a fill-in-the-blank when..." that appears to have been recycled from 1995. But here's one of the long ones I didn't read; enjoy it for the first time with me, will you?
An Accident Report
I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope…
Is that a joke, or is someone reporting the blow-by-blow of a slapstick scene from a silent movie? How odd.
I felt quite guilty having wasted you time with that strangely detailed attempt at some kind of humor, so I will make matters worse by reprinting yesterday's A Joke A Day, which is shorter, but which I also didn't read. You can go at anytime, you know.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
To me, the funniest thing about this joke is not the predictable punchline, but it's this line:
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
I love the implication that Johnny is such a whiny little shit that his mother's first reaction, when he shows up in tears before her, is to ask, "What's the matter NOW?"
At least that's how I read it. That's funny!
An Accident Report
I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.
You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope…
Is that a joke, or is someone reporting the blow-by-blow of a slapstick scene from a silent movie? How odd.
I felt quite guilty having wasted you time with that strangely detailed attempt at some kind of humor, so I will make matters worse by reprinting yesterday's A Joke A Day, which is shorter, but which I also didn't read. You can go at anytime, you know.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
To me, the funniest thing about this joke is not the predictable punchline, but it's this line:
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
I love the implication that Johnny is such a whiny little shit that his mother's first reaction, when he shows up in tears before her, is to ask, "What's the matter NOW?"
At least that's how I read it. That's funny!
Monday, August 08, 2011
Signs Of Following
Self Help Radio today featured the theme "follow me" in which a lowly deejay made a desperate attempt to rally a group of like-minded folks to his cause!
Er. Not really. It was mainly a show about "following," with an expert reading (from a book about leadership) on how to be a good follower, & also a brief discussion of when following goes bad, which is called by law enforcement professionals everywhere by the trademarked name of "stalking."
The show - which has few followers - is available on the following website: self help radio dot net. I split the show in two the better to follow you: part one is here, & part two is here. Following this paragraph & a closing, there are two related lists containing the songs played in each part. I hope you are following this!
(part one)
"Follow Me" Gainors _The Best Of Red Top Records_
"Follow Me" Lyme & Cybelle _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 3_
"(Hey Babe) Follow Me" Grumbleweeds _The Electric Asylum, Vol. 3_
"Follow Me" The Fruit Machine _Circus Days UK Pop-Sike Obscurities 1966-1970_
"Follow Me Home" Crumb _Evenings & Weekends_
"Follow Me Away" Jasmine Minks _Another Age_
"Follow Me Follow" The Idle Race _Back To The Story_
"Follow Me" Jumprope _Just For A Day_
"Follow Me" The Softies _It's Love_
"Baby, Let Me Follow You Down" Bob Dylan _Biograph_
"You're Following Me" Perry Como _The Essential 60's Singles Collection_
"I Will Follow Him" Little Peggy March _The Very Best Of Little Peggy March: The Essential Singles Collection 1962-1968_
"Being Followed" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
(part two)
"I Will Follow" U2 _Boy_
"The Follower" PragVEC _PragVEC_
"Following Her Around" Sprites _Starlings, Spiders, Tigers & Sprites_
"I'm Following You" Jimmie Noone _1929-1930_
"You I'll Be Following" Love _Love_
"Following" The Bangles _Different Light_
"Following You" Chumbawamba _Un_
"Follow Me Into The Hills" Kathryn Calder _Are You My Mother?_
"Dedicated Follower Of Fashion" The Kinks _Greatest Hits_
"My Love Will Follow Me" Vivian Girls _My Love Will Follow Me_
"Follow" Eric's Trip _Love Tara_
"Of All The Lost Followers" Department S _Is Vic There?_
Er. Not really. It was mainly a show about "following," with an expert reading (from a book about leadership) on how to be a good follower, & also a brief discussion of when following goes bad, which is called by law enforcement professionals everywhere by the trademarked name of "stalking."
The show - which has few followers - is available on the following website: self help radio dot net. I split the show in two the better to follow you: part one is here, & part two is here. Following this paragraph & a closing, there are two related lists containing the songs played in each part. I hope you are following this!
(part one)
"Follow Me" Gainors _The Best Of Red Top Records_
"Follow Me" Lyme & Cybelle _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 3_
"(Hey Babe) Follow Me" Grumbleweeds _The Electric Asylum, Vol. 3_
"Follow Me" The Fruit Machine _Circus Days UK Pop-Sike Obscurities 1966-1970_
"Follow Me Home" Crumb _Evenings & Weekends_
"Follow Me Away" Jasmine Minks _Another Age_
"Follow Me Follow" The Idle Race _Back To The Story_
"Follow Me" Jumprope _Just For A Day_
"Follow Me" The Softies _It's Love_
"Baby, Let Me Follow You Down" Bob Dylan _Biograph_
"You're Following Me" Perry Como _The Essential 60's Singles Collection_
"I Will Follow Him" Little Peggy March _The Very Best Of Little Peggy March: The Essential Singles Collection 1962-1968_
"Being Followed" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
(part two)
"I Will Follow" U2 _Boy_
"The Follower" PragVEC _PragVEC_
"Following Her Around" Sprites _Starlings, Spiders, Tigers & Sprites_
"I'm Following You" Jimmie Noone _1929-1930_
"You I'll Be Following" Love _Love_
"Following" The Bangles _Different Light_
"Following You" Chumbawamba _Un_
"Follow Me Into The Hills" Kathryn Calder _Are You My Mother?_
"Dedicated Follower Of Fashion" The Kinks _Greatest Hits_
"My Love Will Follow Me" Vivian Girls _My Love Will Follow Me_
"Follow" Eric's Trip _Love Tara_
"Of All The Lost Followers" Department S _Is Vic There?_
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Whither Follow Me?
There are three kinds of people:
The leader leads. The follower follows. The loner is alone.
There are maybe more kinds of people:
The sneak pretends to be one of the above but is really another, though mostly a sneak. The fool thinks he or she is one category he or she finds "superior" or "better" but really, it turns out, is exactly what he or she fears most. The hypocrite is just a hypocrite, of course.
There are even more kinds of people:
The dreamer forgot to wake up to be put into the above category. The junkie was probably one of the above, but is now somewhere enjoying some grade-A Afghani heroin. The blogger is mainly a follower but spends a lot of time writing about different kinds of people in a mad attempt to be relevant.
There are even different kinds of radio shows:
The commercial radio show is created by robots who are fed by dollars & sadness. The non-commercial radio show is made with the actual blood of its programmer, unless it's a non-commercial public radio show, in which case it's the blood of that guy who does Prairie Home Companion mixed with genetically modified blood from Archer Daniels Midland.
Self Help Radio pretends to be a loner but actually is a devout follower of the great WRFL. You can listen to the Self Help Radio show entitled "follow me" tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on that station, which is at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington, & is online at wrfl dot fm all over the world. If you miss it, you can listen later at self help radio dot net.
Did you follow all of that?
The leader leads. The follower follows. The loner is alone.
There are maybe more kinds of people:
The sneak pretends to be one of the above but is really another, though mostly a sneak. The fool thinks he or she is one category he or she finds "superior" or "better" but really, it turns out, is exactly what he or she fears most. The hypocrite is just a hypocrite, of course.
There are even more kinds of people:
The dreamer forgot to wake up to be put into the above category. The junkie was probably one of the above, but is now somewhere enjoying some grade-A Afghani heroin. The blogger is mainly a follower but spends a lot of time writing about different kinds of people in a mad attempt to be relevant.
There are even different kinds of radio shows:
The commercial radio show is created by robots who are fed by dollars & sadness. The non-commercial radio show is made with the actual blood of its programmer, unless it's a non-commercial public radio show, in which case it's the blood of that guy who does Prairie Home Companion mixed with genetically modified blood from Archer Daniels Midland.
Self Help Radio pretends to be a loner but actually is a devout follower of the great WRFL. You can listen to the Self Help Radio show entitled "follow me" tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on that station, which is at 88.1 fm on the dial in Lexington, & is online at wrfl dot fm all over the world. If you miss it, you can listen later at self help radio dot net.
Did you follow all of that?
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Preface To Follow Me: Don't Follow Me To Cincinnati
Do you remember trying to learn how to spell stupid English words that didn't sound like they were spelled? If you didn't, ignore this. If you did, well, you can ignore this, too, but you might sympathize with my dumbass recollections.
I remember having to figure out - not with mnemonics, not exactly - simple ways to spell words correctly when I was a kid. For example, "Mississippi" was sung in a kind of sing-song in my head that probably owes something to the Mickey Mouse Club theme. Words like "Wednesday" & "friend" were mis-pronounced in my head so that I could remember how they were spelled - wed-NES- day, or FRY-end. (That "i before e" rule came later, & was mainly helpful for words like "ceiling.") Methods like that meant that I had to remember not to pronounce them the way I said them in my head.
Worse still were the words that I mispronounced continually until some kind soul - usually but not always a teacher, who was expected to do so, but surprisingly often it was something impersonal, like a song or a television program - corrected me. I remember that I pronounced "metropolis" - capitalized, the home of Superman - as "met-ro-pol-is" rather than "me-trop-O-lis" until I saw the first Superman movie. I was also convinced that the Yo-sim-i-tee Sam in the cartoons was different than the Yo-suh-might Sam in the comics - until my sister I think told me I was stupid & I was able to see how "Yosemite" could be pronounced the proper way.
I am thinking about this because, now that I live just about an hour away from Cincinnati, & every damn time I try to spell Cincinnati, the spell-check reminds me that it has two ns & only one t, not the other way around. & as I am going to Cincinnati, & I wanted to write about it, I am being forced to correct that mistake over & over during this post.
The poor schoolchildren trying to remember how to spell this city they live in! I think there is probably a sizable portion of Cincinnati who just can't spell Cincinatti, though Cincinati is the city they've lived in all their lives. Cincinnati, not Sinsinatti.
I remember having to figure out - not with mnemonics, not exactly - simple ways to spell words correctly when I was a kid. For example, "Mississippi" was sung in a kind of sing-song in my head that probably owes something to the Mickey Mouse Club theme. Words like "Wednesday" & "friend" were mis-pronounced in my head so that I could remember how they were spelled - wed-NES- day, or FRY-end. (That "i before e" rule came later, & was mainly helpful for words like "ceiling.") Methods like that meant that I had to remember not to pronounce them the way I said them in my head.
Worse still were the words that I mispronounced continually until some kind soul - usually but not always a teacher, who was expected to do so, but surprisingly often it was something impersonal, like a song or a television program - corrected me. I remember that I pronounced "metropolis" - capitalized, the home of Superman - as "met-ro-pol-is" rather than "me-trop-O-lis" until I saw the first Superman movie. I was also convinced that the Yo-sim-i-tee Sam in the cartoons was different than the Yo-suh-might Sam in the comics - until my sister I think told me I was stupid & I was able to see how "Yosemite" could be pronounced the proper way.
I am thinking about this because, now that I live just about an hour away from Cincinnati, & every damn time I try to spell Cincinnati, the spell-check reminds me that it has two ns & only one t, not the other way around. & as I am going to Cincinnati, & I wanted to write about it, I am being forced to correct that mistake over & over during this post.
The poor schoolchildren trying to remember how to spell this city they live in! I think there is probably a sizable portion of Cincinnati who just can't spell Cincinatti, though Cincinati is the city they've lived in all their lives. Cincinnati, not Sinsinatti.
Friday, August 05, 2011
Building Up A New Home
(The title is a Shriekback reference.)
I am going to be busy today because yesterday the wife & I signed papers to buy a house here in Lexington. As a friend on Facebook said, "I guess you're going to stay." Yes, we are.
We're officially moving in after my show a week after next so there should be no interruption of the shabby, last-minute-feel of Self Help Radio. I just wanted to say hooray!
I'll let you know when we have our first house party.
I am going to be busy today because yesterday the wife & I signed papers to buy a house here in Lexington. As a friend on Facebook said, "I guess you're going to stay." Yes, we are.
We're officially moving in after my show a week after next so there should be no interruption of the shabby, last-minute-feel of Self Help Radio. I just wanted to say hooray!
I'll let you know when we have our first house party.
Thursday, August 04, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Six
It was not a loquacious week for the A Joke A Day crowd. The shortest "joke" was only twenty-three words long, while the longest was thrice that at seventy-six words long - the seven "jokes" averaged thirty-six words in total, which meant they were basically either one-liners or smart-ass responses. I am not an accountant, of course, though I do take a little pride in today's America that I know basic math (when so few truly do). I also know that math may have little to do with what's funny, even if what's funny sometimes follows a formula. I merely mention this because it seemed to me that the A Joke A Day crowd were being weirdly economical with their clumsy stabs at humor this week.
Here's their shortest "joke," which was probably stolen from an ex-Saturday Night Live performer's stand-up:
You know you're getting old when your best friend tells you he's having an affair & you want to know if it's catered.
Ho hum. The others just as dull, although probably guaranteed to make the average twelve-year-old giggle.
My favorite amused me because it reminded me... Well, here, here's the joke:
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
I don't really understand the need to add the collections manager to the joke; the distributor could have easily made the phone call & streamlined it somewhat (also, since this is the longest joke of the week, it could really have brought their average down) (since it seemed like brevity was the soul of their awkward stabs at wit this week).
However, I like this joke because it reminds me of a wonderful Marx Brothers routine from Animal Crackers. The script in detail is here:
http://www.marx-brothers.org/whyaduck/info/movies/scenes/ravelli.htm
But in particular it's this exchange, with Chico being Ravelli & of course Groucho being the legendary Captain Spaulding (Mrs. Rittenhouse is Margaret Dumont):
Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians? But you were not due until tomorrow.
Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
Spaulding: Say, you're lucky they didn't come yesterday!
Ravelli: We were busy yesterday, but we charge just the same.
Spaulding: This is better than exploring! What do you fellows get an hour?
Ravelli: Oh, for playing we getta ten dollars an hour.
Spaulding: I see... What do you get for not playing?
Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Ravelli: Now, for rehearsing we make special rate. Thatsa fifteen dollars an hour.
Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?
Ravelli: Thatsa for rehearsing.
Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
Ravelli: You couldn't afford it... Heh... You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play... And if we don't play... That runs into money.(*)
You can see the resemblance. Chico Marx would cancel an order because he knew he couldn't wait the length of time it would take for him to pay the previous order. But, come to think of it, he'd probably find a way to get them to send him the order even though he hadn't paid. He was pretty smart for a dumb fellow.
(*) If you haven't seen the movie, you should keep reading past this. The punfest that follows is amazing.
Here's their shortest "joke," which was probably stolen from an ex-Saturday Night Live performer's stand-up:
You know you're getting old when your best friend tells you he's having an affair & you want to know if it's catered.
Ho hum. The others just as dull, although probably guaranteed to make the average twelve-year-old giggle.
My favorite amused me because it reminded me... Well, here, here's the joke:
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
I don't really understand the need to add the collections manager to the joke; the distributor could have easily made the phone call & streamlined it somewhat (also, since this is the longest joke of the week, it could really have brought their average down) (since it seemed like brevity was the soul of their awkward stabs at wit this week).
However, I like this joke because it reminds me of a wonderful Marx Brothers routine from Animal Crackers. The script in detail is here:
http://www.marx-brothers.org/whyaduck/info/movies/scenes/ravelli.htm
But in particular it's this exchange, with Chico being Ravelli & of course Groucho being the legendary Captain Spaulding (Mrs. Rittenhouse is Margaret Dumont):
Mrs. Rittenhouse: You are one of the musicians? But you were not due until tomorrow.
Ravelli: Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
Spaulding: Say, you're lucky they didn't come yesterday!
Ravelli: We were busy yesterday, but we charge just the same.
Spaulding: This is better than exploring! What do you fellows get an hour?
Ravelli: Oh, for playing we getta ten dollars an hour.
Spaulding: I see... What do you get for not playing?
Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Ravelli: Now, for rehearsing we make special rate. Thatsa fifteen dollars an hour.
Spaulding: That's for rehearsing?
Ravelli: Thatsa for rehearsing.
Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
Ravelli: You couldn't afford it... Heh... You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play... And if we don't play... That runs into money.(*)
You can see the resemblance. Chico Marx would cancel an order because he knew he couldn't wait the length of time it would take for him to pay the previous order. But, come to think of it, he'd probably find a way to get them to send him the order even though he hadn't paid. He was pretty smart for a dumb fellow.
(*) If you haven't seen the movie, you should keep reading past this. The punfest that follows is amazing.
Monday, August 01, 2011
How The Other Half A Show Lives
"Half a show is better than none" - proverb uttered by someone who never heard Self Help Radio.
Look, don't go off half-cocked. I have half a mind to tell you what I think, if only I weren't half in the bag. Or a half-hearted half-wit. Look, if you give me half a chance, I will prove to you that getting there is half the fun. Though my better half tells me the show is half-baked.
Both halves of the Self Help Radio "half a show" are now available at self help radio dot net. Half number first is right here while the second half is sitting here. The two halves have been fleshed out below.
Is the show half empty or half full? It depends on your attitude, dude.
(half one)
"Half As Much" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"You Can't Go Halfway (& Get In)" Bailes Brothers _Roots 'N' Blues: The Retrospective, 1925 - 1950_
"Meet Me Half Way" Arbee Stidham _Chicken Shack Boogie Vol. 6_
"Halber Mensch" Einsturzende Neubaten _Halber Mensch_
"England, Half English" Billy Bragg _England, Half English_
"My Pink Half Of The Drainpipe" Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Cornology_
"Half A Century High" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_
"I Cut Myself In Half" Kleenex Girl Wonder _Ponyoak_
"Alexander The Swoose (Half Swan Half Goose)" Doris Day _The Complete Doris Day With Les Brown_
"Halfrabbit Halfdog" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Half Man Half Mole" Chris Knox _Songs Of You & Me_
(half two)
"Half Breed" Ricky Nelson _The American Dream: The Complete Imperial & Verve 1957-1962_
"Half Angel" Jack Moore _Teen Town USA, Vol. 2_
"Half A Boy & Half A Man" Nick Lowe _Basher: The Best Of Nick Lowe_
"Half A Person" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_
"Half A Life" Love Spit Love _Love Spit Love_
"Half Dead" The Mountain Goats _Get Lonely_
"Half My Heart Beats" Smittens _The Coolest Thing About Love_
"The Origin Of Love" John Cameron Mitchell _Hedwig & The Angry Inch_
"Half Dead" Louis CK _Chewed Up_
"Can't Go Halfway" The Harmonettes _Cult Cargo: Belize City Boil-Up_
"Half The Time" Flashing Lights _Where The Change Is_
"Half The Time" Bohemian Vendetta _Enough_
Look, don't go off half-cocked. I have half a mind to tell you what I think, if only I weren't half in the bag. Or a half-hearted half-wit. Look, if you give me half a chance, I will prove to you that getting there is half the fun. Though my better half tells me the show is half-baked.
Both halves of the Self Help Radio "half a show" are now available at self help radio dot net. Half number first is right here while the second half is sitting here. The two halves have been fleshed out below.
Is the show half empty or half full? It depends on your attitude, dude.
(half one)
"Half As Much" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"You Can't Go Halfway (& Get In)" Bailes Brothers _Roots 'N' Blues: The Retrospective, 1925 - 1950_
"Meet Me Half Way" Arbee Stidham _Chicken Shack Boogie Vol. 6_
"Halber Mensch" Einsturzende Neubaten _Halber Mensch_
"England, Half English" Billy Bragg _England, Half English_
"My Pink Half Of The Drainpipe" Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band _Cornology_
"Half A Century High" Phil Ochs _Tape From California_
"I Cut Myself In Half" Kleenex Girl Wonder _Ponyoak_
"Alexander The Swoose (Half Swan Half Goose)" Doris Day _The Complete Doris Day With Les Brown_
"Halfrabbit Halfdog" Deerhoof _Halfbird_
"Half Man Half Mole" Chris Knox _Songs Of You & Me_
(half two)
"Half Breed" Ricky Nelson _The American Dream: The Complete Imperial & Verve 1957-1962_
"Half Angel" Jack Moore _Teen Town USA, Vol. 2_
"Half A Boy & Half A Man" Nick Lowe _Basher: The Best Of Nick Lowe_
"Half A Person" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_
"Half A Life" Love Spit Love _Love Spit Love_
"Half Dead" The Mountain Goats _Get Lonely_
"Half My Heart Beats" Smittens _The Coolest Thing About Love_
"The Origin Of Love" John Cameron Mitchell _Hedwig & The Angry Inch_
"Half Dead" Louis CK _Chewed Up_
"Can't Go Halfway" The Harmonettes _Cult Cargo: Belize City Boil-Up_
"Half The Time" Flashing Lights _Where The Change Is_
"Half The Time" Bohemian Vendetta _Enough_
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Whither Half A Show?
Important questions asked about tomorrow's show!
1) Will the show only be half as long?
2) Were you ever a halfling when you played Dungeons & Dragons in high school, you geek?
3) Is it six of one, or a half dozen of the other?
4) What is your half-life?
5) When you say "halve" does it sound like "have" or do you pronounce the l & the v & sound particularly pretentious?
The only answers I know!
1) Self Help Radio is on tomorrow morning (August 1st) from 7:30 to 9am Central Time on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.
2) You can listen with any old radio in the city, but if you're not in Lexington, you can listen online at wrfl dot fm.
3) I will put the show up later in the day of course at self help radio dot net.
4) If you're up early, my pop show Sugar Substitute will be on from 6am to the start of Self Help Radio.
5) All of the above!
1) Will the show only be half as long?
2) Were you ever a halfling when you played Dungeons & Dragons in high school, you geek?
3) Is it six of one, or a half dozen of the other?
4) What is your half-life?
5) When you say "halve" does it sound like "have" or do you pronounce the l & the v & sound particularly pretentious?
The only answers I know!
1) Self Help Radio is on tomorrow morning (August 1st) from 7:30 to 9am Central Time on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.
2) You can listen with any old radio in the city, but if you're not in Lexington, you can listen online at wrfl dot fm.
3) I will put the show up later in the day of course at self help radio dot net.
4) If you're up early, my pop show Sugar Substitute will be on from 6am to the start of Self Help Radio.
5) All of the above!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Preface To Half A Show: A Story About Drugs & Drool
The boy was going to try salvia for the first time. Specifically, Salvia divinorum, often called "diviner's sage." He had never tried any hallucinogenic drugs before, not human made nor natural, & since salvia was legal (for the time being) in his state, it seemed a good idea to start (if starting is what he was doing) with it.
The boy's girlfriend was a little dyslexic, so when he texted her that he was going to try salvia, she naturally read it as "saliva" & began to worry about him. She thought perhaps he might be developing some kind of fetish, something both her mother & that psychiatrist on television had warned her about. She wondered if there were a fetish in which people liked to be drooled or spat upon.
Of course there was! So she told him she'd leave him if he tried saliva. He tried to explain to her that he was talking about a psychoactive plant, but all she could imagine, from reading up on spitting on the internet, is either him getting her (or, worse yet, another girl!) to spit on him, to suck all the saliva out of his mouth, or (she shuddered) him wanting to spit or drool on her!
They broke up; she had begun to find him quite horrible to think about. Then the salvia he purchased from a friend turned out to be the wrong kind, so he didn't get to have a first great drug experience after all.
The boy's girlfriend was a little dyslexic, so when he texted her that he was going to try salvia, she naturally read it as "saliva" & began to worry about him. She thought perhaps he might be developing some kind of fetish, something both her mother & that psychiatrist on television had warned her about. She wondered if there were a fetish in which people liked to be drooled or spat upon.
Of course there was! So she told him she'd leave him if he tried saliva. He tried to explain to her that he was talking about a psychoactive plant, but all she could imagine, from reading up on spitting on the internet, is either him getting her (or, worse yet, another girl!) to spit on him, to suck all the saliva out of his mouth, or (she shuddered) him wanting to spit or drool on her!
They broke up; she had begun to find him quite horrible to think about. Then the salvia he purchased from a friend turned out to be the wrong kind, so he didn't get to have a first great drug experience after all.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Bill Finger's Last Days
If you're at all a fan of The Batman, you should probably know who Bill Finger is. He basically co-created the character & many of the caped crusader's villains & supporting cast, & wrote many of his early adventures, & is now virtually unknown outside the comics community.
Within the comics community, he is honored as a hero. There's even an award created in his name to honor people who have contributed great things to the comics world but were not sufficiently honored in their day. (The 2011 winners are discussed here.)
There are a few biographies of him online, & all note that he died, quite young, at the age of 59. He was fired, one suggests, from DC Comics because he asked for health benefits. Another one notes, "He died poor & without any official heirs to continue his fight for credit. Since then, in the comic book industry, being 'Fingered' has become slang for being denied credit for one's contributions to a story or character."
I assume he was in poor health, in addition to being poor (he wrote a couple of movies & also for television, so he seemed to have lots of work), but I haven't read anything about his final years. Fifty-nine seems very young. Especially in a field where some of the worst-treated creators lived into their eighties.
Anyone know how Bill Finger lived his final years? Any information out there?
Within the comics community, he is honored as a hero. There's even an award created in his name to honor people who have contributed great things to the comics world but were not sufficiently honored in their day. (The 2011 winners are discussed here.)
There are a few biographies of him online, & all note that he died, quite young, at the age of 59. He was fired, one suggests, from DC Comics because he asked for health benefits. Another one notes, "He died poor & without any official heirs to continue his fight for credit. Since then, in the comic book industry, being 'Fingered' has become slang for being denied credit for one's contributions to a story or character."
I assume he was in poor health, in addition to being poor (he wrote a couple of movies & also for television, so he seemed to have lots of work), but I haven't read anything about his final years. Fifty-nine seems very young. Especially in a field where some of the worst-treated creators lived into their eighties.
Anyone know how Bill Finger lived his final years? Any information out there?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Five
I could talk, & have talked, & will talk a lot about the A Joke A Day jokes which are so monstrously unfunny that you're genuinely surprised when there's an A Joke A Day joke which actually makes you chuckle. But I think it's mainly in the telling - some of these "jokes" actually have a joke in them - they're just so shabbily constructed, it's like listening to a child try to tell a sophisticated story. They miss nuance, they have no sense of timing. It's a rambling mess.
I suspect the reason for this is that the jokes that the A Joke A Day team gets are submitted, vaguely approved (if that), & not in the least edited before the daily submission is shot out to the subscribers. It's amazing to me that there's not one person on the A Joke A Day staff who has enough of a sense of humor - & basic copy editing skills - to spend a thoughtful five minutes cleaning up a joke. As it stands, most of the A Joke A Day jokes come across as the slurring funnies a moderately inebriated person will tell to a crowd of strangers on a dare during an open mic night.
Some of the A Joke A Day jokes are jokes that have been told before (usually better), but this joke, from Sunday, sounds a little familiar, don't you think?
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
If it sounds a little familiar, it's because it's something of a riff on the famous "Do You Know Who I Am?" urban legend. (You can read about it here.) In it, a student outsmarts a professor who doesn't know who he is by sticking his blue book in a stack of them & leaving.
This joke attempts to recreate that urban legend but fails, as the student will. Why? Because the professor can either identify the student by his crumpled-up exam he threw on the desk, or he can simply fail everyone who didn't take the test. The student made the grand gesture for nothing. He would have been better off trying to take the test. Especially if the other students were as confused as he was & he was graded on a curve.
(& by the way, if you'll allow me to overthink a dumb joke, you might have some idea of a bird's species by its size. Also, what a gruesome idea for a test. All those dead birds!)
There was one joke I thought was actually funny this week, so, credit where it's due, I present it here, unedited, as it appeared in my inbox on Tuesday:
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole - he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole - fill, fill, fill.
These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
I suspect the reason for this is that the jokes that the A Joke A Day team gets are submitted, vaguely approved (if that), & not in the least edited before the daily submission is shot out to the subscribers. It's amazing to me that there's not one person on the A Joke A Day staff who has enough of a sense of humor - & basic copy editing skills - to spend a thoughtful five minutes cleaning up a joke. As it stands, most of the A Joke A Day jokes come across as the slurring funnies a moderately inebriated person will tell to a crowd of strangers on a dare during an open mic night.
Some of the A Joke A Day jokes are jokes that have been told before (usually better), but this joke, from Sunday, sounds a little familiar, don't you think?
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
If it sounds a little familiar, it's because it's something of a riff on the famous "Do You Know Who I Am?" urban legend. (You can read about it here.) In it, a student outsmarts a professor who doesn't know who he is by sticking his blue book in a stack of them & leaving.
This joke attempts to recreate that urban legend but fails, as the student will. Why? Because the professor can either identify the student by his crumpled-up exam he threw on the desk, or he can simply fail everyone who didn't take the test. The student made the grand gesture for nothing. He would have been better off trying to take the test. Especially if the other students were as confused as he was & he was graded on a curve.
(& by the way, if you'll allow me to overthink a dumb joke, you might have some idea of a bird's species by its size. Also, what a gruesome idea for a test. All those dead birds!)
There was one joke I thought was actually funny this week, so, credit where it's due, I present it here, unedited, as it appeared in my inbox on Tuesday:
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole - he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole - fill, fill, fill.
These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
Monday, July 25, 2011
You May Already Have Won!
Or, you may already be winning! What have you won, you ask. What are you winning? This week's Self Help Radio! A show entirely about winning!
It's such a winning show that it can be hosted by a loser like me. How's that for "winning the day"? No? Ah well, you can't win 'em all.
The show is above "place" & "show" at selfhelpradio.net. I have lovingly divided it into two exciting halves, the first half of which is here while the second half is looking at itself in a trophy over here. The songs in each half are below.
Congratulations on being a winner! I wonder what that feels like.
(part one)
"The Winner" Gregory Isaacs _The Winner: The Roots Of Gregory Isaacs 1968-1978_
"We're A Winner" The Impressions _The Very Best Of The Impressions_
"Let's Win!" Alex Ebert _Alexander_
"I'm A Winner" Diana Ross _I'm Still Waiting_
"All Right OK You Win" Mikki Wilcox _Memphis Belles: The Women Of Sun Records_
"A Winner Never Quits" The Elgins _The Golden Era Of Doo-Wops: Lummtone Records_
"Can't Win" Richard Thompson _Amnesia_
"Win Your Love (For Me)" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Charlie Sheen Winning (Awesome Vatican Assassin)" Ithinkimessedmyself _Charlie Sheen Winning (Awesome Vatican Assassin)_
"Gonna Keep On Tryin' Till I Win Your Love" Marvin Gaye _That's The Way Love Is_
"Give In, You Just Can't Win" Tammi Terrell _Come On & See Me: The Complete Solo Collection_
(part two)
"Can't Win" The Invincibles _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label_
"You're A Winner" Harold Andrews _Moaning, Groaning, Crying: A Galaxy Of Soul_
"Win" David Bowie _Young Americans_
"You Have Yet To Win" Holly Golightly _Truly She Is None Other_
"A La Fin Tu Gagneras (You'll Win In The End)" Jocelyne _C'est Chic! French Girl Singers Of The 1960s_
"I Won" The Sundays _Reading, Writing & Arithmetic_
"The Boy Who Can't Win" Three Finger Cowboy _Hooray For Love_
"You Win Again" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"You... Win!" Beardyman _I Done A Album_
"The Winning Team" Patton Oswalt _Feelin' Kinda Patton_
"You Just Can't Win" Them _The Story Of Them Featuring Van Morrison_
"A Quitter Never Wins" Larry Williams & Johnny Guitar Watson _Right Track: The Best Of Okeh Northern Soul_
"Everybody Loves A Winner" Dandy _The History Of Trojan Records Vol. 1_
It's such a winning show that it can be hosted by a loser like me. How's that for "winning the day"? No? Ah well, you can't win 'em all.
The show is above "place" & "show" at selfhelpradio.net. I have lovingly divided it into two exciting halves, the first half of which is here while the second half is looking at itself in a trophy over here. The songs in each half are below.
Congratulations on being a winner! I wonder what that feels like.
(part one)
"The Winner" Gregory Isaacs _The Winner: The Roots Of Gregory Isaacs 1968-1978_
"We're A Winner" The Impressions _The Very Best Of The Impressions_
"Let's Win!" Alex Ebert _Alexander_
"I'm A Winner" Diana Ross _I'm Still Waiting_
"All Right OK You Win" Mikki Wilcox _Memphis Belles: The Women Of Sun Records_
"A Winner Never Quits" The Elgins _The Golden Era Of Doo-Wops: Lummtone Records_
"Can't Win" Richard Thompson _Amnesia_
"Win Your Love (For Me)" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Charlie Sheen Winning (Awesome Vatican Assassin)" Ithinkimessedmyself _Charlie Sheen Winning (Awesome Vatican Assassin)_
"Gonna Keep On Tryin' Till I Win Your Love" Marvin Gaye _That's The Way Love Is_
"Give In, You Just Can't Win" Tammi Terrell _Come On & See Me: The Complete Solo Collection_
(part two)
"Can't Win" The Invincibles _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label_
"You're A Winner" Harold Andrews _Moaning, Groaning, Crying: A Galaxy Of Soul_
"Win" David Bowie _Young Americans_
"You Have Yet To Win" Holly Golightly _Truly She Is None Other_
"A La Fin Tu Gagneras (You'll Win In The End)" Jocelyne _C'est Chic! French Girl Singers Of The 1960s_
"I Won" The Sundays _Reading, Writing & Arithmetic_
"The Boy Who Can't Win" Three Finger Cowboy _Hooray For Love_
"You Win Again" Hank Williams _The Complete Hank Williams_
"You... Win!" Beardyman _I Done A Album_
"The Winning Team" Patton Oswalt _Feelin' Kinda Patton_
"You Just Can't Win" Them _The Story Of Them Featuring Van Morrison_
"A Quitter Never Wins" Larry Williams & Johnny Guitar Watson _Right Track: The Best Of Okeh Northern Soul_
"Everybody Loves A Winner" Dandy _The History Of Trojan Records Vol. 1_
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Whither Winning?
Because Charlie Sheen kept saying the word, & I kept hearing it on The Soup, & it entered my brain & I thought, "That'll be a good theme!"
Will it? I dunno. You be the judge. Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, online everywhere at wrfl dot fm. I'll archive it of course later at the Self Help Radio website.
(If you're up earlier, listen to Sugar Substitute from 6 to 7:30. It's good!)
You're a winner if you listen. That's how it is.
Will it? I dunno. You be the judge. Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, online everywhere at wrfl dot fm. I'll archive it of course later at the Self Help Radio website.
(If you're up earlier, listen to Sugar Substitute from 6 to 7:30. It's good!)
You're a winner if you listen. That's how it is.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Preface To Winning: I've Actually Never Seen That Show
This funny thing happened in the Onion AV Club this past week: a new ad for the old Charlie Sheen show (now starring Kelso from That 70's Show, who is making a lot of money from it) appeared & the Onion guys asked everyone to make fun of it. & so they did.
The idea for this week's show popped into my head a few months ago when they were making fun of Charlie Sheen a lot on The Soup but I confess I've never actually seen the show. As much as I love Duckie, I can't really say I've followed Jon Cryer's career, though I am happy when child stars still have careers when they're as old as I am. (By the way, I don't have a career, & also I was not a child star. I think that just makes me a wastrel.)
But since I watch The Soup, I did get to see Sheen say "winning" over & over, & it seemed like a good idea for a theme. It's kind of simple. I think I'm supposed to explain this tomorrow. Fuck. Now what will I write about tomorrow?
This was written on Witstream a while back & it sort of sums up how I feel about that show that made Sheen enough money & ego to implode the way he did, thus ruining a cash cow that he could have milked for at least five or ten more years:
The idea for this week's show popped into my head a few months ago when they were making fun of Charlie Sheen a lot on The Soup but I confess I've never actually seen the show. As much as I love Duckie, I can't really say I've followed Jon Cryer's career, though I am happy when child stars still have careers when they're as old as I am. (By the way, I don't have a career, & also I was not a child star. I think that just makes me a wastrel.)
But since I watch The Soup, I did get to see Sheen say "winning" over & over, & it seemed like a good idea for a theme. It's kind of simple. I think I'm supposed to explain this tomorrow. Fuck. Now what will I write about tomorrow?
This was written on Witstream a while back & it sort of sums up how I feel about that show that made Sheen enough money & ego to implode the way he did, thus ruining a cash cow that he could have milked for at least five or ten more years:
Friday, July 22, 2011
I Almost Forgot: The Rain!
It's such nice rain, even in the summer. Did I talk once upon a time about the rain also in West Virginia? Such rain you've never seen in Texas. This is true: I believe that the whole American southwest such as it is is being desertified. (My spellcheck is telling me there's no such word as "desertify" although you can find many Googly articles on "desertification." Which, by the way, there's no such thing as.)
Anyway, Texas is turning into a desert like New Mexico & Arizona & it's too bad 'cause parts of the state are really quite nice. It just doesn't rain there like it does here. The rain there is mean, it comes with loud thunderstorms & usually happens at night, since it's just too hot in the day. (It's different in Houston, which is basically a swamp, so we'll ignore that part of Texas in this discussion.)
I like the rain in this part of the world. It does cause flash flooding & there's still thunder & lightning, & of course many meth labs have been accidentally washed away due to poor planning, but it's much nicer than the rain in the desert, which mainly pisses off the poisonous creatures there & is about as useful as a mirage.
Which reminds me, I am not a meteorologist & also I have no real idea what I am talking about. Mainly I just enjoy watching the rain. I also walked through the rain today. It was nice.
No, I haven't been drinking. Why would you ask such a thing?
Anyway, Texas is turning into a desert like New Mexico & Arizona & it's too bad 'cause parts of the state are really quite nice. It just doesn't rain there like it does here. The rain there is mean, it comes with loud thunderstorms & usually happens at night, since it's just too hot in the day. (It's different in Houston, which is basically a swamp, so we'll ignore that part of Texas in this discussion.)
I like the rain in this part of the world. It does cause flash flooding & there's still thunder & lightning, & of course many meth labs have been accidentally washed away due to poor planning, but it's much nicer than the rain in the desert, which mainly pisses off the poisonous creatures there & is about as useful as a mirage.
Which reminds me, I am not a meteorologist & also I have no real idea what I am talking about. Mainly I just enjoy watching the rain. I also walked through the rain today. It was nice.
No, I haven't been drinking. Why would you ask such a thing?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Four
I've written a few times on this blog about the inane "A Joke A Day" email service (I'm sure there's more than one) which I would often subscribe to for email accounts that, back in the day, were free but which I never used. Often those email accounts would expire if you didn't have email coming to them, but because I thought it was (at least initially) funny to have email accounts at startrekonline.com & muslimonline.com (both sites, & my email addresses, are long defunct), I'd sign up for an account & then subscribe to the A Joke A Day service. One account I use still gets them, & I rarely read them, but am too lazy to unsubscribe. I recently thought, what if I actually saved them, then featured what I consider the best, or funniest, or worst, or most notable, or simply something to talk about once a week? & so I shall.
This was going to be a "credit where it's due" sort of post, since yesterday's A Joke A Day was actually one of the best jokes I've heard in the past ten years, but then this A Joke A Day appeared today:
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
Really? Would the joke be as funny if it had been "Husband wanted"? Not in this sexist society.
Seriously, if men dislike their wives so much - & considered them property which they can give away - why get married in the first place? For sex? Don't you imagine that the same sort of man who feels his wife is property & would humiliate her by writing a letter "offering" her to a complete stranger (indeed, one who's apparently desperate enough to advertise for a spouse) would find it not at all a problem to have sex with a prostitute, bringing home all manner of sexually-transmitted diseases?
Fuck them, & fuck men who think of women this way.
The category, by the way, is "men vs. women jokes." The Good Old Days.
In the interest of fairness, here's the good A Joke A Day, which I must've heard at least ten years ago, & I've edited it somewhat so it's actually told well:
A driver, speeding down the highway, was pulled over by the Highway Patrol. This officer was young & had about six weeks on the job.
The officer approached the driver’s window & said, "License & registration, please."
The driver noticed the officer was a rookie. "I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I no longer have a license. I lost it as a result of too many DUIs."
Taken aback, the officer said,"Then can I see your registration?"
The driver replied, "Um, all right, but it's not my car - I stole it about an hour ago. Still, I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I put my gun in there."
"A gun? In your glove compartment?" The officer took a step back.
The driver sighed. "Yes, officer. I had to kill the woman who owned the car before I stuffed her in the trunk."
The officer drew his gun on the man & said, "Do not make a move." The driver complied while the officer called for back-up. He was a bit hysterical.
Ten minutes later the driver is surrounded by Highway Patrol officers & local cops. A police detective approaches the man & says, "I'll need to see your license & registration."
As the driver slowly reached above his visor & pulled down his license & registration.
The detective looked them over; they checked out. He said, "May I look into your glove compartment, sir?"
The driver agreed. The detective slowly looked into it. There was no gun.
"Sir," the detective said, "please open your trunk."
The driver complied. The detective checked it - there was no body in it.
Puzzled, the detective approached the driver. He said, "Sir, I am confused. The officer who pulled you over reported that you did not have a license or registration, that you were driving a stolen vehicle, that there was a gun in the glove compartment, & that there was a dead body in the trunk."
The driver looked at the detective & said, "Yeah & I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too."
This was going to be a "credit where it's due" sort of post, since yesterday's A Joke A Day was actually one of the best jokes I've heard in the past ten years, but then this A Joke A Day appeared today:
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
Really? Would the joke be as funny if it had been "Husband wanted"? Not in this sexist society.
Seriously, if men dislike their wives so much - & considered them property which they can give away - why get married in the first place? For sex? Don't you imagine that the same sort of man who feels his wife is property & would humiliate her by writing a letter "offering" her to a complete stranger (indeed, one who's apparently desperate enough to advertise for a spouse) would find it not at all a problem to have sex with a prostitute, bringing home all manner of sexually-transmitted diseases?
Fuck them, & fuck men who think of women this way.
The category, by the way, is "men vs. women jokes." The Good Old Days.
In the interest of fairness, here's the good A Joke A Day, which I must've heard at least ten years ago, & I've edited it somewhat so it's actually told well:
A driver, speeding down the highway, was pulled over by the Highway Patrol. This officer was young & had about six weeks on the job.
The officer approached the driver’s window & said, "License & registration, please."
The driver noticed the officer was a rookie. "I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I no longer have a license. I lost it as a result of too many DUIs."
Taken aback, the officer said,"Then can I see your registration?"
The driver replied, "Um, all right, but it's not my car - I stole it about an hour ago. Still, I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I put my gun in there."
"A gun? In your glove compartment?" The officer took a step back.
The driver sighed. "Yes, officer. I had to kill the woman who owned the car before I stuffed her in the trunk."
The officer drew his gun on the man & said, "Do not make a move." The driver complied while the officer called for back-up. He was a bit hysterical.
Ten minutes later the driver is surrounded by Highway Patrol officers & local cops. A police detective approaches the man & says, "I'll need to see your license & registration."
As the driver slowly reached above his visor & pulled down his license & registration.
The detective looked them over; they checked out. He said, "May I look into your glove compartment, sir?"
The driver agreed. The detective slowly looked into it. There was no gun.
"Sir," the detective said, "please open your trunk."
The driver complied. The detective checked it - there was no body in it.
Puzzled, the detective approached the driver. He said, "Sir, I am confused. The officer who pulled you over reported that you did not have a license or registration, that you were driving a stolen vehicle, that there was a gun in the glove compartment, & that there was a dead body in the trunk."
The driver looked at the detective & said, "Yeah & I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too."
Monday, July 18, 2011
Not A Show About Nothing
But a show about zero. That's the number zero. The one that's the average of -1 & 1. Not nothing. A show about nothing would be somewhat different. Though people do use the word "zero" to mean "nothing." This is a show about the integer zero. Its history, its lives, its loves, its hopes & dreams, its crimes & its redemption. The lost years it spent in exile, the great years when it returned. Something like that.
More or less.
The zero songs are below in an unnumbered list. It may be the only unnumbered list which contains many zeroes. The show is nestled happily at http://www.selfhelpradio.net. You can listen to part one here & you can listen to part two here. What is in the two parts is listed below.
(part one)
"My Hero, Zero" Bob Dorough _Schoolhouse Rock: Multiplication Rock_
"The Mighty Zero" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"3, 2, 1 Zero" Les Sheriff _Punk En France_
"I Got A Zero" The Fantastics _This Is My Wedding Day 7"_
"I Was Zero" Sage Francis _Li(f)e_
"Zero Zero Zero!" Sam Phillips _Omnipop_
"This Is Zero" TV 21 _A Thin Red Line_
"Less Than Zero" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"Zero Hour" The Plimsouls _DIY: Shake It Up! American Power Pop II (1978-80)_
"Ground Zero" Shirts _Street Light Shine_
"Back To Zero Now" Tommy Keene _The Real Underground_
(part two)
"Zero Degrees" Drag City Super Session _Tramps, Traitors & Little Devils_
"Zero" Deathray _Deathray_
"Saved By Zero" The Fixx _Reach The Beach_
"Zero G" Willesden Dodgers _First Base_
"Zero As A Limit" Human League _Reproduction_
"A Day Called Zero" The Sugarcubes _Here Today, Tomorrow, Next Week!_
"Absolute Zero" My Favorite _Love At Absolute Zero_
"Super Zero" Linda Draper _Little Darla Has A Treat For You, Vol. 23: Summer 2005_
"What I Learned About Zero" Capsules _Someone For Everyone_
More or less.
The zero songs are below in an unnumbered list. It may be the only unnumbered list which contains many zeroes. The show is nestled happily at http://www.selfhelpradio.net. You can listen to part one here & you can listen to part two here. What is in the two parts is listed below.
(part one)
"My Hero, Zero" Bob Dorough _Schoolhouse Rock: Multiplication Rock_
"The Mighty Zero" Meat Puppets _Mirage_
"3, 2, 1 Zero" Les Sheriff _Punk En France_
"I Got A Zero" The Fantastics _This Is My Wedding Day 7"_
"I Was Zero" Sage Francis _Li(f)e_
"Zero Zero Zero!" Sam Phillips _Omnipop_
"This Is Zero" TV 21 _A Thin Red Line_
"Less Than Zero" Elvis Costello _My Aim Is True_
"Zero Hour" The Plimsouls _DIY: Shake It Up! American Power Pop II (1978-80)_
"Ground Zero" Shirts _Street Light Shine_
"Back To Zero Now" Tommy Keene _The Real Underground_
(part two)
"Zero Degrees" Drag City Super Session _Tramps, Traitors & Little Devils_
"Zero" Deathray _Deathray_
"Saved By Zero" The Fixx _Reach The Beach_
"Zero G" Willesden Dodgers _First Base_
"Zero As A Limit" Human League _Reproduction_
"A Day Called Zero" The Sugarcubes _Here Today, Tomorrow, Next Week!_
"Absolute Zero" My Favorite _Love At Absolute Zero_
"Super Zero" Linda Draper _Little Darla Has A Treat For You, Vol. 23: Summer 2005_
"What I Learned About Zero" Capsules _Someone For Everyone_
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Whither Zero?
Yes, I am back from my brief visit to Dallas, in which I got to see many members of my family, I got to meet my niece's new sprog (a great-nephew) & saw some old friends who were kind enough to interrupt their lives to see me.
But I love eating food so I am not going to talk about the trip, or tomorrow's Self Help Radio (for which I am going to be ill-prepared) but instead make three recommendations.
One, if you're anywhere near a Z Pizza chain (there's one in the suburb three times removed from Dallas called Flower Mound) (I kinda wish I could've seen the flower mound there, I might have actually liked the place) you should enjoy their vegan pizza. It's awesome. We had it in Columbus but it's too far away from us these days. I wish there were one nearby - the vegan pizza at the local Mellow Mushroom is nowhere near as good.
Two, there's a lovely vegan Chinese place called Suma Veggie Cafe that has the most awesome vegan buffet ever. I can't recommend it highly enough. Oh. My. God. It's a reason to visit Dallas. When all other reasons suck. (Ignore the negative Yelp reviews. They don't know what they're talking about.)
Three, okay, the best reason to visit Dallas is for the best Ethiopian restaurant I've ever been to, which is called Lalibela, a place so great I named my car after it. (I finally got to tell them that - they were very flattered.) I don't eat meat so I can't speak to the carnivore dishes, but all the vegetarian stuff is so wonderful. I ate there last night & am still full.
Yeah, so Self Help Radio is about the number zero tomorrow. It's on at 7:30 am Monday on 88.1 fm in Lexington & all over at the world at wrfl dot fm & of course archived later on the Self Help Radio website. Do listen! Zero will be your hero!
But I love eating food so I am not going to talk about the trip, or tomorrow's Self Help Radio (for which I am going to be ill-prepared) but instead make three recommendations.
One, if you're anywhere near a Z Pizza chain (there's one in the suburb three times removed from Dallas called Flower Mound) (I kinda wish I could've seen the flower mound there, I might have actually liked the place) you should enjoy their vegan pizza. It's awesome. We had it in Columbus but it's too far away from us these days. I wish there were one nearby - the vegan pizza at the local Mellow Mushroom is nowhere near as good.
Two, there's a lovely vegan Chinese place called Suma Veggie Cafe that has the most awesome vegan buffet ever. I can't recommend it highly enough. Oh. My. God. It's a reason to visit Dallas. When all other reasons suck. (Ignore the negative Yelp reviews. They don't know what they're talking about.)
Three, okay, the best reason to visit Dallas is for the best Ethiopian restaurant I've ever been to, which is called Lalibela, a place so great I named my car after it. (I finally got to tell them that - they were very flattered.) I don't eat meat so I can't speak to the carnivore dishes, but all the vegetarian stuff is so wonderful. I ate there last night & am still full.
Yeah, so Self Help Radio is about the number zero tomorrow. It's on at 7:30 am Monday on 88.1 fm in Lexington & all over at the world at wrfl dot fm & of course archived later on the Self Help Radio website. Do listen! Zero will be your hero!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Bloodier
I will be visiting my momsie in Dallas for the next three days so I have to apologize for three things:
1) I may not be posting anything here. I'd be more concerned if I thought you cared. Since I know you don't, I'm still sorry. I do try to be consistent, even if I'm consistently inconsistent.
2) I may actually be posting things here. Who knows? It may be late, in a hotel room that only gets Fox News on the television, & I may have nothing to say. Sorry about that in advance.
3) Monday's show, which is about the number zero, may get zero preparation. That may seem appropriate but I would feel pretty awful if that were the case. My apologies in advance if the show sucks.
It's humorous, though. It's been muggy here in Lexington, & has gotten up into the mid-90s, but it's in no way as awful as Dallas. Here's the forecast:
Thursday: high of 99 degrees
Friday: high of 99 degrees
Saturday: high of 101 degrees
Here's Lexington for the next few days:
Thursday: high of 85 degrees
Friday: high of 86 degrees
Saturday: high of 86 degrees
There really is a difference. What a time to go see fambly!
1) I may not be posting anything here. I'd be more concerned if I thought you cared. Since I know you don't, I'm still sorry. I do try to be consistent, even if I'm consistently inconsistent.
2) I may actually be posting things here. Who knows? It may be late, in a hotel room that only gets Fox News on the television, & I may have nothing to say. Sorry about that in advance.
3) Monday's show, which is about the number zero, may get zero preparation. That may seem appropriate but I would feel pretty awful if that were the case. My apologies in advance if the show sucks.
It's humorous, though. It's been muggy here in Lexington, & has gotten up into the mid-90s, but it's in no way as awful as Dallas. Here's the forecast:
Thursday: high of 99 degrees
Friday: high of 99 degrees
Saturday: high of 101 degrees
Here's Lexington for the next few days:
Thursday: high of 85 degrees
Friday: high of 86 degrees
Saturday: high of 86 degrees
There really is a difference. What a time to go see fambly!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Spy World
This blog entry about today's Self Help Radio is in code. Please refer to your Self Help Radio Spy Decoder Kit which I hope you've already sent your box-tops in to receive. If you haven't, please eat more Self Help Radio Brand Super Sugar Marbles cereal & then hurry back as this note will self-destruct in five minutes.
Defying the KGB, the CIA, the FBI, MI6, the Inspector Closeau Society (I imagine that's what the French call their international espionage agency), Interpol, SHIELD, Checkmate, & any other number of national, international, extraterrestrial & fictional spy organizations, Self Help Radio proudly broadcast its devastating expose of the world of espionage. No one was safe! Moles were exposed! Duplicitous deals were uncovered! It was worse than Wikileaks!
Actually, I just played a lot of songs about secret agents & stuff. The songs I played are below. The show is back at headquarters with Miss Moneypenny at self help radio dot net. It is divided in two parts & you must have the proper clearance to listen to both. Part one is at planning; while part two is at execution.
Remember, if you get caught listening to this show, I will deny I ever made it. But thanks for listening anyway!
(part one)
"Sooperspy" Madd Inc. _The Ikon Records Story_
"Espionage" Los Straitjackets _¡Viva Los Straitjackets!_
"I'm A Double Naught Spy" Perpetuated Spirits Of Turpentine _Aliens, Psychos & Wild Things Vol. 3_
"The James Bond Theme (Brian Gearwhore & Alex Xenophon Remix)" Leroy Holmes _Electro Lounge: Electronic Excursions In Hi-Fi Stereo_
"Sock It To 'Em JB" Rex Garvin _Sock It To 'Em Soul: 60s Club Soul Classics_
"Mission Impossible" James Taylor Quartet _Acid Jazz Movie & TV Themes_
"I Spy (For The FBI)" Luther Ingram & The G-Men _Foxy Devil 7"_
"Number One Spy" Syd Dale _Cinemaphonic Soul Punch - A Selection Of British Library Music 1970-1976_
"Agnes" Mike Russo _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Man From U.N.C.L.E./The Spies" Al Caiola _Ultra-Lounge, Vol. 13: TV Town_
"Secret Agent Man" Johnny Rivers _The Best Of Johnny Rivers_
(part two)
"Theme From Get Smart" Hugo Montenegro _Come Spy With Me_
"Secret Agent Man" Devo _Duty Now For The Future_
"Model Spy" Cinerama _This Is Cinerama_
"Je Serai Espionne" Baxendale _You Will Have Your Revenge_
"The Avengers" The Laurie Johnson Orchestra _The Avengers & Other Top Sixties TV Themes_
"Agent Double-0-Soul" Edwin Starr _Soul Master_
"Spy In The Lounge" Dusty Trails _Dusty Trails_
"The Last Of The Secret Agents" The Revillos _Wireless Recordings_
"Spy School Graduation Theme" Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet _Sport Fishin'_
"I Spy" Beat Happening _1983-1985_
"I Spy" Earle Hagen _Ultra Lounge Vol. 7: The Crime Scene_
"Russian Spy & I" Hunters _Pebbles Volume 25: The Continent Lashes Back - Holland, Part 3_
"My Baby Loves The Secret Agent" Detroit Cobras _Seven Easy Pieces_
"Spy Chase" Bruno Nicolai _Easy Tempo Vol. 7_
Defying the KGB, the CIA, the FBI, MI6, the Inspector Closeau Society (I imagine that's what the French call their international espionage agency), Interpol, SHIELD, Checkmate, & any other number of national, international, extraterrestrial & fictional spy organizations, Self Help Radio proudly broadcast its devastating expose of the world of espionage. No one was safe! Moles were exposed! Duplicitous deals were uncovered! It was worse than Wikileaks!
Actually, I just played a lot of songs about secret agents & stuff. The songs I played are below. The show is back at headquarters with Miss Moneypenny at self help radio dot net. It is divided in two parts & you must have the proper clearance to listen to both. Part one is at planning; while part two is at execution.
Remember, if you get caught listening to this show, I will deny I ever made it. But thanks for listening anyway!
(part one)
"Sooperspy" Madd Inc. _The Ikon Records Story_
"Espionage" Los Straitjackets _¡Viva Los Straitjackets!_
"I'm A Double Naught Spy" Perpetuated Spirits Of Turpentine _Aliens, Psychos & Wild Things Vol. 3_
"The James Bond Theme (Brian Gearwhore & Alex Xenophon Remix)" Leroy Holmes _Electro Lounge: Electronic Excursions In Hi-Fi Stereo_
"Sock It To 'Em JB" Rex Garvin _Sock It To 'Em Soul: 60s Club Soul Classics_
"Mission Impossible" James Taylor Quartet _Acid Jazz Movie & TV Themes_
"I Spy (For The FBI)" Luther Ingram & The G-Men _Foxy Devil 7"_
"Number One Spy" Syd Dale _Cinemaphonic Soul Punch - A Selection Of British Library Music 1970-1976_
"Agnes" Mike Russo _Atomic Platters: Cold War Music From The Golden Age_
"Man From U.N.C.L.E./The Spies" Al Caiola _Ultra-Lounge, Vol. 13: TV Town_
"Secret Agent Man" Johnny Rivers _The Best Of Johnny Rivers_
(part two)
"Theme From Get Smart" Hugo Montenegro _Come Spy With Me_
"Secret Agent Man" Devo _Duty Now For The Future_
"Model Spy" Cinerama _This Is Cinerama_
"Je Serai Espionne" Baxendale _You Will Have Your Revenge_
"The Avengers" The Laurie Johnson Orchestra _The Avengers & Other Top Sixties TV Themes_
"Agent Double-0-Soul" Edwin Starr _Soul Master_
"Spy In The Lounge" Dusty Trails _Dusty Trails_
"The Last Of The Secret Agents" The Revillos _Wireless Recordings_
"Spy School Graduation Theme" Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet _Sport Fishin'_
"I Spy" Beat Happening _1983-1985_
"I Spy" Earle Hagen _Ultra Lounge Vol. 7: The Crime Scene_
"Russian Spy & I" Hunters _Pebbles Volume 25: The Continent Lashes Back - Holland, Part 3_
"My Baby Loves The Secret Agent" Detroit Cobras _Seven Easy Pieces_
"Spy Chase" Bruno Nicolai _Easy Tempo Vol. 7_